1. - AAAH! -
AAH!Copy !req
2. AAH! PUT
IT DOWN, YOU BITCH!Copy !req
3. PUT THE GOLF CLUB DOWN,
YOU CRAZY BITCH!Copy !req
4. - YOU
MOTHERFUCKER.Copy !req
5. I NEVER SHOULD'VE
MARRIED YOU!Copy !req
6. - YOU'RE OVERREACTING,
YOU STUPID SWEDISH COW!Copy !req
7. - THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE
YOU GETTING THE TEXT MESSAGECopy !req
8. FROM SOME LOW-LIFE
HOOKER ON THANKSGIVING?Copy !req
9. - GOD, SHUT UP!Copy !req
10. SHUT UP!Copy !req
11. WHERE ARE MY FUCKING
PILLS?Copy !req
12. - OH, YEAH, TAKE
MORE VICODIN, TIGER!Copy !req
13. THAT'LL HELP!Copy !req
14. - WILL YOU JUST LISTEN
TO ME?Copy !req
15. - LISTEN TO THIS!Copy !req
16. - AAH! YOU
FUCKING WHORE!Copy !req
17. - WHERE THE FUCK DO
YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?Copy !req
18. - I'M GETTING THE FUCK
AWAY FROM YOU!Copy !req
19. - OPEN THE DOOR, YOU
MOTHERFUCKER!Copy !req
20. - OOH, YEAH, CHASE AFTER
ME IN THE CAR, KENNY.Copy !req
21. - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING? - DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.Copy !req
22. IT'S E.A. SPORTS TIGER
WOODS PGA TOUR 11Copy !req
23. FOR XBOX.Copy !req
24. - AAH! FUCK
YOU, CUNT!Copy !req
25. - STOP BREAKING THROUGH
THE WINDOW, KENNY!Copy !req
26. WHOA, I'M GONNA CRASH!
I'M GONNA CRASH!Copy !req
27. - AAH! [car
alarm blaring]Copy !req
28. - AH, LOOK WHAT YOU DID,
YOU CRAZY BITCH!Copy !req
29. - SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU
CHEATING TURD!Copy !req
30. - OH, DUDE, WAS
THAT A COMBO MOVE?Copy !req
31. - OH, DUDE, HERE COME
THE COPS. WE GOTTA LIE TO THEM.Copy !req
32. HIT
"X" TO LIE.Copy !req
33. - WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW
GOLF GAMES WERE THIS COOL!Copy !req
34. - YEAH, DUDE, E.A. SPORTS
OUT DID THEMSELVES THIS TIME.Copy !req
35. - I'VE GATHERED YOU
TOGETHER HERE,Copy !req
36. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE BEST
MINDS OUR COUNTRY HAS TO OFFER.Copy !req
37. AS YOU HAVE ALL SEEN ON
THE NEWS,Copy !req
38. OUR COUNTRY IS
FACING A MAJOR CRISIS.Copy !req
39. AND WE NEED TO FIND OUT
WHAT'S CAUSING IT.Copy !req
40. WHY? WHY
ARE RICH SUCCESSFUL MENCopy !req
41. SUDDENLY GOING OUT AND TRYING
TO HAVE SEX WITH LOTS OF WOMEN?Copy !req
42. - TIGER WOODS WAS ONLY
THE MOST PREVALENT,Copy !req
43. BUT OUR DATA SHOWS THAT
THE NUMBERS ARE GROWING.Copy !req
44. DAVID LETTERMAN, AND
BEFORE THAT, BILL CLINTON.Copy !req
45. THERE'S A
PATTERN HERE, PEOPLE.Copy !req
46. - WHY WOULD A MAN WHO'S
FAMOUS AND MAKES TONS OF MONEYCopy !req
47. USE THAT TO TRY AND HAVE
SEX WITH LOTS OF DIFFERENT WOMEN?Copy !req
48. - AND THESE RICH
CELEBRITIESCopy !req
49. HAVE PERFECTLY GOOD
WIVES AT HOME!Copy !req
50. WHY WOULD THEY EVEN
THINK OF SEX WITH OTHERS?Copy !req
51. DAMN IT...Copy !req
52. I WANT ANSWERS.Copy !req
53. - WE BELIEVE THAT
IT MAY BE AN OUTBREAKCopy !req
54. OF SEX ADDICTION, SIR.Copy !req
55. - SEX-A-WHOO-HOO?Copy !req
56. - IT'S A NEW PHENOMENA WE DON'T
COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YET.Copy !req
57. BUT IT SEEMS TO MAKE
PEOPLE...Copy !req
58. DIFFERENT.Copy !req
59. OF COURSE, WE ALL KNOW
THE NORMAL HEALTHY MALECopy !req
60. THINKS ONLY OF
SEX OCCASIONALLYCopy !req
61. AND HAS NO DESIRE FOR
SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS.Copy !req
62. - DEFINITELY TRUE.Copy !req
63. - YES, WE ALL KNOW THAT.
GO ON.Copy !req
64. - BUT IN THE SEX ADDICT,Copy !req
65. THEIR ENTIRE LIVES ARE
CONSUMEDCopy !req
66. WITH THOUGHTS OF
WANTING MORE AND MORE.Copy !req
67. THE MERE SIGHT OF
AN ATTRACTIVE WOMANCopy !req
68. CAN—CAN MAKE HIM THINK
ABOUT SEX WITH HER.Copy !req
69. - BUT WHAT ABOUT LOVE?Copy !req
70. HOW COULD TONS OF FAME AND MONEY
MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT LOVE?Copy !req
71. - WHAT COULD BE CAUSINGCopy !req
72. THIS OUTBREAK OF
SEXUAL ADDICTION?Copy !req
73. - IT COULD BE CAUSED BY
SOMETHING IN THE WATER SUPPLY,Copy !req
74. UH, PERHAPS EVEN BY
GLOBAL WARMING.Copy !req
75. - OR COOLING. -
YES.Copy !req
76. - IF SO, THEN THE
DISEASECopy !req
77. COULD START TO AFFECT
OUR CHILDREN.Copy !req
78. - THAT DOES IT.Copy !req
79. I WANT HEALTH SCREENINGS
AT ALL OUR NATION'S SCHOOLS.Copy !req
80. WE NEED TO FIND OUT IF
ANY YOUNG PEOPLECopy !req
81. MIGHT BE CARRYING THIS
DISEASE.Copy !req
82. - GOOD AFTERNOON,
STUDENTS.Copy !req
83. WE ARE GOING TO BE DOING
A HEALTH SCREENING TODAY.Copy !req
84. IT WON'T TAKE LONG AND
WILL BE RELATIVELY PAINLESS,Copy !req
85. BUT WE NEED TO SEE IF ANY
STUDENTS ARE SHOWING SYMPTOMS.Copy !req
86. IN A MOMENT, I
AM GOING TO SHOW YOUCopy !req
87. A SUGGESTIVE PICTURE,Copy !req
88. AND THEN I AM GOING TO ASK YOU
A QUESTION ABOUT THE PICTURE.Copy !req
89. ALL RIGHT, READY?Copy !req
90. HERE WE GO.Copy !req
91. - WHAT? -
EW!Copy !req
92. JESUS, DUDE.Copy !req
93. - HOLY MOLY, WHAT'S THAT
BETWEEN THE LADY'S LEGS?Copy !req
94. IT'S ALL BUSHY!Copy !req
95. - PLEASE JUST STUDY THE PICTURE
THE BEST YOU CAN, STUDENTS.Copy !req
96. I'LL THEN ASK YOU A
QUESTIONCopy !req
97. WHICH YOU'LL ANSWER ON
THE PAPER PROVIDED.Copy !req
98. - I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT
PART OF A LADY!Copy !req
99. DO THEY ALL GOT A
HEDGE LIKE THAT?Copy !req
100. DO THEY?Copy !req
101. - OKAY, VERY GOOD.Copy !req
102. NOW, WHAT COLOR...Copy !req
103. WAS THE HANDKERCHIEF IN
THE NICE LADY'S HAND?Copy !req
104. WRITE DOWN YOUR
ANSWER, PLEASE.Copy !req
105. WHAT COLOR WAS THE
HANDKERCHIEF IN THE NICE LADY'S HAND?Copy !req
106. - DID YOU SEE THE BUSH
ON THAT LADY?Copy !req
107. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?Copy !req
108. - VERY GOOD. TURN
YOUR ANSWERS OVER, PLEASE.Copy !req
109. - GEE WHIZ, IT WAS, LIKE,
ALMOST UP TO HER BELLY BUTTON.Copy !req
110. - ALL RIGHT. NOW...Copy !req
111. WHO ANSWERED THAT THE
HANDKERCHIEF WAS YELLOW?Copy !req
112. VERY GOOD. VERY
GOOD, INDEED.Copy !req
113. NOW I'D LIKE TO SEE WHO
ANSWERED, "WHAT HANDKERCHIEF?"Copy !req
114. AHA.Copy !req
115. YOU THREE BOYS, PLEASE
COME WITH ME.Copy !req
116. - I DIDN'T SEE A
HANDKERCHIEF.Copy !req
117. DID YOU SEE A
HANDKERCHIEF, KENNY?Copy !req
118. - I'M SORRY, BOYS, BUT
I'M AFRAID YOU THREECopy !req
119. HAVE TESTED POSITIVE FOR
SEX ADDICTION.Copy !req
120. - WHAT? -
OH, NO!Copy !req
121. - WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
SEND YOU HOME, I'M AFRAID.Copy !req
122. - WAIT, WE'RE SEX
ADDICTS?Copy !req
123. ARE YOU SURE?Copy !req
124. - OUR "NICE LADY WITH
A HANDKERCHIEF" TESTCopy !req
125. IS EXTREMELY
COMPREHENSIVE AND THOROUGH.Copy !req
126. I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE
SIMPLY TOO DANGEROUSCopy !req
127. TO HAVE AROUND NORMAL,
WELL-ADJUSTED STUDENTS.Copy !req
128. - IT WAS JUST...Copy !req
129. SO BIG AND BUSHY, SIR!Copy !req
130. WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE
THAT?Copy !req
131. - SO WHAT HAPPENS TO US
NOW?Copy !req
132. A LIFE OF DESPERATION
AND ANGUISH, I'M AFRAID.Copy !req
133. YOUR ADDICTION WILL
START OFF SLOWLY—Copy !req
134. MAGAZINES, INTERNET
SITES.Copy !req
135. BUT THEN AS YOU KEEP
CHASING YOUR HIGH,Copy !req
136. YOUR TASTES WILL GET
MORE AND MORE DANGEROUS.Copy !req
137. MOST LIKELY YOU'LL END
UP GOING THE WAYCopy !req
138. OF DAVID CARRADINE AND
MICHAEL HUTCHENCE—Copy !req
139. AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION.Copy !req
140. - AUTOEROTIC
ASPHYXIATION?Copy !req
141. WHAT'S THAT?Copy !req
142. - I DON'T WANT TO GO
INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL,Copy !req
143. BUT YOU CHOKE YOURSELF
WITH A BELT AROUND YOUR NECKCopy !req
144. WHILE MASTURBATING DRESSED UP
LIKE BATMAN OR SOMETHING.Copy !req
145. THEN YOU PASS OUT FROM
LACK OF AIR,Copy !req
146. AND APPARENTLY IT MAKES
YOUR ORGASM SUPER AWESOME.Copy !req
147. OH, NO.Copy !req
148. I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO
BUY A BATMAN COSTUME.Copy !req
149. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FOR THE PAST SEVERAL DAYS,Copy !req
150. WE'VE BEEN SCREENING OUR
NATION'S SCHOOLSCopy !req
151. FOR SIGNS OF SEX
ADDITION.Copy !req
152. THE RESULTS OF OUR TESTS
ARE TROUBLING, TO SAY THE LEAST.Copy !req
153. DR. TONTON?Copy !req
154. - IN FOURTH GRADERS, 5%
OF MALE STUDENTSCopy !req
155. WERE FOUND TO
BE SEX ADDICTS.Copy !req
156. BY SIXTH GRADE, THE
NUMBER GOES UP TO 30%.Copy !req
157. AT HIGH SCHOOLS,Copy !req
158. NEARLY 91 % OF
MALE STUDENTS ANSWEREDCopy !req
159. "WHAT HANDKERCHIEF?"Copy !req
160. - WE ARE FACING A SEX-ADDICTION
EPIDEMIC IN OUR COUNTRY.Copy !req
161. YOUNG PEOPLE ALL OVER
AMERICA ARE INFECTEDCopy !req
162. AND AT EXTREME RISK TO
THEMSELVESCopy !req
163. AND TO THE PEOPLE AROUND
THEM.Copy !req
164. THEY ARE LEADING LIVES
OF SECRET PAIN.Copy !req
165. - AND SO THESE INFECTED BOYS
WILL SOON BE SECRETLY WISHINGCopy !req
166. THEY COULD BE HAVING SEX
ALL THE TIMECopy !req
167. WITH LOTS OF
DIFFERENT PEOPLE?Copy !req
168. - IT APPEARS SO.Copy !req
169. - THE POOR BASTARDS.Copy !req
170. - BUT WHAT ABOUT US
NORMAL, HEALTHY ADULTS?Copy !req
171. ARE WE AT RISK OF
EXPOSURE?Copy !req
172. - WE DON'T BELIEVE SO.Copy !req
173. IN ADULT MALES, FOR
WHATEVER REASON,Copy !req
174. SEX ADDICTION ONLY SEEMS
TO BE PROBLEMATICCopy !req
175. AMONGST RICH, SUCCESSFUL
CELEBRITIES.Copy !req
176. HOWEVER, WE ARE STILL
COLLECTING DATA...Copy !req
177. - WHY WOULD WEALTH OR
SUCCESS CAUSE A MAN TO GO OUTCopy !req
178. AND HAVE SEX WITH
EVERYONE HE COULD?Copy !req
179. - WHATEVER IS CAUSING
THIS OUTBREAK,Copy !req
180. WE GUARANTEE WE
WILL FIND IT.Copy !req
181. - KENNY, IT'S
TIME FOR DINNER!Copy !req
182. KENNY?Copy !req
183. AAH!Copy !req
184. - SUNSET AND EVENING
STAR,Copy !req
185. AND ONE CLEAR CALL FOR
ME,Copy !req
186. AND MAY THERE BE NO
MOANING OF THE BAR...Copy !req
187. - OH, MY GOD, IT'S
TRUE.Copy !req
188. - BUT SUCH A TIDE AS
MOVING SEEMS ASLEEP,Copy !req
189. TOO FULL FOR SOUND AND
FOAM, -Copy !req
190. - WHEN THAT WHICH DREW
FROM OUT THE BOUNDLESS DEEP.Copy !req
191. - THERE! IT
WAS LIKE THAT!Copy !req
192. IT LOOKED JUST LIKE
THAT!Copy !req
193. JUST LIKE THIS BUT—BUT
SMALLER!Copy !req
194. AND RIGHT IN THE PLACE
HER UNDERWEAR SHOULD'VE BEEN.Copy !req
195. IF I TRIM IT DOWN, IT'LL
LOOK RIGHT.Copy !req
196. - BUTTERS, BUTTERS, STOP
IT!Copy !req
197. - BUT THIS IS WHAT I
KEEP SEEING IN MY HEAD.Copy !req
198. - BUTTERS, WE ARE SICK.
DON'T YOU GET IT?Copy !req
199. WE'RE GOING TO END UP
JUST LIKE KENNY!Copy !req
200. - NO, IF I CAN JUST SEE
IT AGAIN, I-I'LL BE FINE!Copy !req
201. - NO! BUTTERS,
STOP!Copy !req
202. - AH! LEAVE
ME ALONE!Copy !req
203. - STOP IT! STOP!Copy !req
204. - OH, GOD!Copy !req
205. OH, GOD, HELP US!Copy !req
206. - TIGER LINES UP HIS
DRIVE.Copy !req
207. HE'LL BE HOPING FOR
A BIRDIE HERE.Copy !req
208. CONCENTRATION IS KEY.Copy !req
209. - YOU MOTHERFUCKER!Copy !req
210. I NEVER SHOULD'VE
MARRIED YOU!Copy !req
211. - AAH! GOD
DAMN IT, STOP IT!Copy !req
212. - HOW MANY WOMEN DID
YOU FUCK?Copy !req
213. HOW MANY?Copy !req
214. - OH, DUDE, I
CLOCKED YOU!Copy !req
215. - I TOLD YOU THIS
GAME WAS SWEET, DUDE.Copy !req
216. - HANG ON, HANG ON.Copy !req
217. I'M—I'M SWITCHING TO
A SEVEN IRON.Copy !req
218. - OH! OH! OH, MAN, I
LOST ANOTHER ENDORSEMENT!Copy !req
219. HOW'D YOU DO THAT? -
HIT "A" AND "X" TOGETHER.Copy !req
220. - OH, YOU'RE GOING DOWN,
ELIN!Copy !req
221. - I DON'T THINK SO, DUDE.
I GOT THE PRENUP POWER-UP.Copy !req
222. - OH, NO! PRENUP,
WEAK!Copy !req
223. WHEN DID YOU GET THAT
POWER-UP?Copy !req
224. - ALL RIGHT, SEX
ADDICTS.Copy !req
225. WHAT OTHER DESTRUCTIVE
BEHAVIORS DID WE ENGAGE INCopy !req
226. WHICH LED TO
OUR ULTIMATE DOWNFALL?Copy !req
227. ANYONE HAVE ANOTHER
EXAMPLE?Copy !req
228. LET'S SEE, HOW ABOUT
DAVID?Copy !req
229. - UH...Copy !req
230. HAVING SEX WITH
EMPLOYEES.Copy !req
231. - SEX WITH EMPLOYEES,
DEFINITELY A DANGER THERE.Copy !req
232. WHAT ELSE? UH,
MR. CLINTON?Copy !req
233. - PUTTING CIGARS IN
GIRLS' VAGINAS.Copy !req
234. - VERY GOOD, BILLY.Copy !req
235. CIGARS IN VAGINAS— NOT
THE BEST IDEA THERE.Copy !req
236. - WATCHING INTERNET PORN
ALL DAY EVERY DAY?Copy !req
237. - SPOT ON, CHARLIE
SHEEN—Copy !req
238. EXCESSIVE INTERNET PORN.Copy !req
239. NOW, THE REASON WE
ARE MAKING THIS LISTCopy !req
240. IS THAT WE HAVE NEW
MEMBERS TODAY.Copy !req
241. I WANT YOU ALL TO
WELCOME KYLE AND "BUMMERS."Copy !req
242. - HELLO.
HEY, KYLE.Copy !req
243. - AND WOULD YOU CARE TO
SHARE YOUR STORIES WITH US, BOYS?Copy !req
244. - WELL...Copy !req
245. I JUST FOUND OUT I'M
A SEX ADDICT.Copy !req
246. I'M SO SCARED. I
HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD MY MOM YET.Copy !req
247. - DOES YOUR MOM HAVE
BIG TITS?Copy !req
248. - BILLY! -
SORRY.Copy !req
249. - ME, I JUST...Copy !req
250. I JUST CAN'T STOP
THINKING ABOUT BUSH.Copy !req
251. - I HEARD THAT.Copy !req
252. - I MEAN, IT'S LIKE,
WHAT IS IT?Copy !req
253. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?Copy !req
254. WHY WOULD THERE BE A
BUSH RIGHT THERE?Copy !req
255. IS IT A LIVE BUSH? ARE
THERE BERRIES?Copy !req
256. - MR. DUCHOVNY, PLEASE
STOP JERKING OFF.Copy !req
257. - AH, GEE WHIZ.Copy !req
258. - TO BETTER UNDERSTAND
THE SEX-ADDICTION OUTBREAK,Copy !req
259. WE'VE BEEN RUNNING TESTS
ON CHIMPANZEES.Copy !req
260. YOU CAN SEE THAT THIS
ENTIRE COMMUNITY OF SPECIMENSCopy !req
261. ARE GETTING ALONG
NORMALLY—Copy !req
262. SOME PAIRING OFF, OTHERS
ON THEIR OWN.Copy !req
263. BUT NOW, SEE THIS CHIMP
HERE?Copy !req
264. AN AVERAGE, NORMAL
ADULT MALE,Copy !req
265. BLENDING IN SEAMLESSLY
WITH THE OTHERS.Copy !req
266. NOW WATCH.Copy !req
267. WE'RE GOING TO GIVE IT A
LOT OF MONEY.Copy !req
268. GO AHEAD.Copy !req
269. - MY GOD.Copy !req
270. - YES.Copy !req
271. - THE SUBJECT IS NOW
ISOLATED AND SHUNNED.Copy !req
272. - INCREDIBLE. AND—AND
WHAT'S IT DOING NOW?Copy !req
273. - MAKING A PUBLIC
APOLOGY ON ITS TALK SHOW.Copy !req
274. - ALL RIGHTY. NOW, WE ALL KNOW
THE DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORSCopy !req
275. THAT GOT US INTO
THIS PREDICAMENT, DON'T WE?Copy !req
276. WHAT IS THE MAIN THING
WE'VE ALL LEARNED TO AVOID?Copy !req
277. YES, TIGER.Copy !req
278. - AVOID DRUGS AND
ALCOHOL?Copy !req
279. - NO, NO, TIGER, YOU
STILL AREN'T GETTING IT.Copy !req
280. IN ORDER TO MAKE SURE WE ARE
NO LONGER DESTROYING OUR LIVESCopy !req
281. WITH ANY OF THESE
BEHAVIORS, WE MUST AVOID—Copy !req
282. ANYONE?Copy !req
283. AVOID GETTING— ANYONE?Copy !req
284. - CAUGHT.Copy !req
285. - YES, MICHAEL DOUGLAS.
EVERYONE.Copy !req
286. GETTING
CAUGHT.Copy !req
287. - VERY GOOD.Copy !req
288. YOU ARE ALL HERE IN
THERAPYCopy !req
289. BECAUSE YOU GOT CAUGHT.Copy !req
290. SO HOW DO WE AVOID
GETTING CAUGHT.Copy !req
291. BEN ROETHLISBERGER.Copy !req
292. - DON'T SCREW GIRLS IN
THE PUBLIC BATHROOMS?Copy !req
293. - WHEN THEY, UH, ASK YOU
FOR MONEY, PAY THEM.Copy !req
294. - GOOD, YES.Copy !req
295. - WHOA, HANG ON.Copy !req
296. WE SHOULDN'T BE LEARNING
HOW NOT TO GET CAUGHT.Copy !req
297. WE HAVE TO TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.Copy !req
298. - WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?Copy !req
299. - WELL, I MEAN, WE
HAVE TO ACCEPTCopy !req
300. THAT WE HAVE A PROBLEMCopy !req
301. AND PUT THE BLAME
COMPLETELY ON OURSELVES.Copy !req
302. I MEAN, MAYBE THIS ISN'T
REALLY EVEN A DISEASE.Copy !req
303. - YEAH, IT'S ME.Copy !req
304. WE'VE GOT A TURD IN
THE PUNCH BOWL.Copy !req
305. I REPEAT, WE HAVE A TURD
IN THE PUNCH BOWL.Copy !req
306. - MR. PRESIDENT, IN EVERY TEST,
THE RESULTS WERE THE SAME.Copy !req
307. THE MONKEYS WHO WERE
GIVEN CASH ALWAYS ACTED OUTCopy !req
308. THEIR SEXUAL ADDICTION
TO DANGEROUS LEVELS.Copy !req
309. IT APPEARS THAT MONEY
HAS A DIRECT EFFECTCopy !req
310. ON THE VIRUS' ABILITY TO
DEVELOP.Copy !req
311. - SO WE MUST KEEP OUR
NATION'S YOUTHCopy !req
312. AWAY FROM MONEY AND
SUCCESS.Copy !req
313. - NO GOOD, MR.
PRESIDENT,Copy !req
314. BECAUSE WE'VE LEARNED
THAT SEX ADDICTS WILL FIND WAYSCopy !req
315. TO MAKE MONEY AND
BECOME SUCCESSFULCopy !req
316. IN ORDER TO FEED THEIR
ADDICTION.Copy !req
317. - YOU MEAN BOYS WILL
START WORKINGCopy !req
318. TOWARDS BEING RICH AND
SUCCESSFULCopy !req
319. JUST SO THEY CAN ONE DAY
HAVE SEX WITH LOTS OF WOMEN?Copy !req
320. - YES.Copy !req
321. THAT'S WHY WE DECIDED TO LOOK AT
THE CASH ITSELF FOR CLUES.Copy !req
322. WE TRIED TO FIND
SOMETHING IN THE $100 BILLSCopy !req
323. THAT COULD EXPLAIN WHY
THIS IS HAPPENING NOW.Copy !req
324. THEN WE LOOKED AT THE
BACK SIDE AND FOUND THIS.Copy !req
325. - INDEPENDENCE HALL—Copy !req
326. THE BIRTHPLACE OF
OUR COUNTRY.Copy !req
327. - WE BELIEVE SOMETHING IS
HAPPENING AT INDEPENDENCE HALLCopy !req
328. THAT GIVES MONEY ITS
POWER OVER MEN.Copy !req
329. - INDEPENDENCE HALL...Copy !req
330. INDEPENDENCE
DAY...Copy !req
331. ALIENS...Copy !req
332. GENTLEMEN, I
MIGHT KNOW WHAT'S CAUSINGCopy !req
333. THE SEX-ADDICTION
OUTBREAK.Copy !req
334. THIS IS HIGHLY
CLASSIFIED, BUT IN 1947,Copy !req
335. A FLYING SAUCER WAS
DISCOVERED IN ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO.Copy !req
336. TWO DECEASED ALIEN
BODIES WERE RECOVEREDCopy !req
337. AND HIDDEN FROM
PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE.Copy !req
338. THEY CARRIED A VIRUS
WITH THEM,Copy !req
339. A VIRUS THAT APPARENTLY
WAS ONLY BARELY STOPPEDCopy !req
340. FROM SPREADING ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY.Copy !req
341. - AND YOU THINK THESE ALIENS
COULD BE BACK WITH A NEW VIRUS,Copy !req
342. ONE ORIGINATING FROM
INDEPENDENCE HALL,Copy !req
343. CAUSING RICH, SUCCESSFUL MEN
TO HAVE SEX WITH LOTS OF WOMEN?Copy !req
344. - IT'S THE ONLY
EXPLANATION THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.Copy !req
345. - I WANT TO SAY THAT
I AM DEEPLY SORRYCopy !req
346. FOR MY IRRESPONSIBLE AND
SELFISH BEHAVIOR.Copy !req
347. I KNOW I HAVE SEVERELY
DISAPPOINTED ALL OF YOU.Copy !req
348. SOME HAVE SPECULATED
THAT MY WIFE SOMEHOW HURTCopy !req
349. OR ATTACKED ME ON
THANKSGIVING NIGHT.Copy !req
350. IT ANGERS ME THAT PEOPLE
WOULD FABRICATE A STORY LIKE THAT.Copy !req
351. SHE HAS SHOWN NOTHING
BUT GRACE AND POISE.Copy !req
352. - YOU MOTHERFUCKER!Copy !req
353. - OH, NO!Copy !req
354. - I SHOULD'VE NEVER
MARRIED YOU!Copy !req
355. - AAH! STOP
IT!Copy !req
356. - A PORN STAR?Copy !req
357. YOU SCREWED A PORN STAR?Copy !req
358. - OH, DUDE, YOU FOUND
ANOTHER GIRL'S PHONE NUMBERCopy !req
359. ON MY CELL PHONE?Copy !req
360. - YEAH, BACK IN
THAT WATER LEVEL.Copy !req
361. - IS KYLE STILL AT
SEX-ADDICTION THERAPY?Copy !req
362. THAT MUST BE REALLY
INTENSE.Copy !req
363. - OKAY, SO WHAT EXACTLY
ARE WE DOING NOW?Copy !req
364. - WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO
HELP TAKE CARECopy !req
365. OF YOUR DISEASES ONCE
AND FOR ALL.Copy !req
366. - OH, GOOD, 'CAUSE I
REALLY CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.Copy !req
367. - DON'T WORRY.Copy !req
368. AS SOON AS IT'S DEAD,
EVERYTHING WILL MAKE SENSE.Copy !req
369. - AS SOON AS WHAT'S
DEAD?Copy !req
370. HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT.Copy !req
371. - THE INFECTED ALIEN
THAT THEY JUST DISCOVEREDCopy !req
372. IS HIDING OUT AT
INDEPENDENCE HALL!Copy !req
373. - ENTRANCE IS CLEAR, MR.
PRESIDENT.Copy !req
374. - MR. PRESIDENT, YOU
AREN'T SAFE HERE.Copy !req
375. LET US HANDLE THIS.Copy !req
376. - RIGHT SIDE, CLEAR!Copy !req
377. - WE MUST BE CAREFUL.Copy !req
378. THE ALIEN COULD'VE CASTCopy !req
379. SOME KIND OF SPELL OF
INVISIBILITY.Copy !req
380. - WHICH WOULD MEAN THAT
THE ALIEN IS ALSO A WIZARD.Copy !req
381. - YES, IT
EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.Copy !req
382. A WIZARD ALIEN WOULD BE ABLE
TO CAST A SPELL ON OUR SPECIES,Copy !req
383. CAUSING ALL THE MEN TO
BECOME SEX ADDICTS.Copy !req
384. - ENOUGH!Copy !req
385. WE HAVE TO FIND THE WIZARD ALIEN
AND BREAK HIS SPELL.Copy !req
386. - OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, HANG—HANG ON, GUYS.Copy !req
387. I MEAN, COME ON, THIS IS
GETTING A LITTLE RIDICULOUS.Copy !req
388. WIZARD ALIEN?Copy !req
389. WE ALL KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE, DON'T WE?Copy !req
390. WHENEVER A STORY BREAKS
ABOUT SOME RICH, FAMOUS GUYCopy !req
391. GOING AROUND AND HAVING
SEX WITH TONS OF GIRLS,Copy !req
392. WE ALL WANT TO ACT LIKE
WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT,Copy !req
393. BUT WE DO.Copy !req
394. WE'RE GUYS, YOU KNOW?Copy !req
395. OUR BRAINS ARE WIRED TO
STRIVE TO BE THE ALPHA MALECopy !req
396. AND GET ALL THE WOMEN WE
CAN.Copy !req
397. I MEAN, LOOK WHERE WE
ARE.Copy !req
398. EVEN—EVEN BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
SCREWED EVERYTHING THAT MOVED,Copy !req
399. BECAUSE HE COULD.Copy !req
400. WE DON'T HAVE TO CONDONECopy !req
401. WHAT THESE RICH, FAMOUS
PEOPLE DO,Copy !req
402. BUT WE CAN AT LEAST
ADMITCopy !req
403. THAT GIVEN THE SAME
TEMPTATIONS AND OPPORTUNITIESCopy !req
404. THAT SOMEBODY LIKE
TIGER WOODS HAS,Copy !req
405. A LOT OF US GUYS MIGHT
DO SOMETHING SIMILAR.Copy !req
406. - WE HAVE A TURD IN
THE PUNCH BOWL.Copy !req
407. - TURD IN THE PUNCH
BOWL.Copy !req
408. - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? NO, NO, COME ON!Copy !req
409. WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?Copy !req
410. - TEN CITY BLOCKS HAVE
BEEN SHUT DOWNCopy !req
411. BECAUSE AN ALIEN IS
BELIEVED TO HAVE TAKEN REFUGECopy !req
412. HERE IN INDEPENDENCE
HALL.Copy !req
413. BY ALL ACCOUNTS, THE
ALIEN IS ALSO A WIZARDCopy !req
414. WHO COULD VERY EASILY BE
THE CAUSE OF THE OUTBREAKCopy !req
415. OF SEX ADDICTION IN
OUR COUNTRY!Copy !req
416. - MR. PRESIDENT, HERE
THEY ARE.Copy !req
417. THIS IS THE BOY I
TOLD YOU ABOUTCopy !req
418. AND HIS FRIEND
"BUMMERS."Copy !req
419. - SON, WE WERE TOLD THAT
YOU THINK SEX ADDITIONCopy !req
420. CAN BE CONTROLLED, THAT
IT JUST TAKES RESTRAINT.Copy !req
421. IS THAT TRUE?Copy !req
422. - I JUST THINK I'D
RATHER CONTROL ITCopy !req
423. INSTEAD OF BLAME IT ON
ANYTHING.Copy !req
424. - AMAZING.Copy !req
425. THEN THE WIZARD-ALIEN
SPELLCopy !req
426. MIGHT NOT HAVE ANY
POWER OVER HIM.Copy !req
427. HE COULD DRAW THE
BASTARD OUT!Copy !req
428. - QUICK, GIVE
THAT BOY A GUN.Copy !req
429. - WHAT? -
YOU BETTER TAKE ONE TOO.Copy !req
430. - ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE
TO THE STAIRWELL.Copy !req
431. THE BASTARD'S GOTTA
BE UPSTAIRS.Copy !req
432. - WHAT BASTARD?Copy !req
433. - THE ALIEN WIZARD
HIDING OUT HERE.Copy !req
434. COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO—Copy !req
435. - WHAT THE HELL WAS
THAT?Copy !req
436. - I GOT A BAD FEELING
ABOUT THIS.Copy !req
437. - OH, MY GOD, THERE
IT IS!Copy !req
438. - IT'S THE ALIEN WIZARD!
IT'S GONNA GET YOU BOYS!Copy !req
439. SHOOT IT!Copy !req
440. - SHOOT IT, BOYS! -
YOU HAVE TO SHOOT IT!Copy !req
441. - SHOOT IT AGAIN! IT'S
STILL ALIVE!Copy !req
442. - YOU GOTTA RELOAD!Copy !req
443. - KEEP FIRING, BOYS!
SHOOT IT IN THE HEART!Copy !req
444. - KEEP SHOOTING IT!Copy !req
445. - SHOOT HIM IN
HIS BLABBERMOUTH!Copy !req
446. - MY GOD, THEY'VE
DONE IT!Copy !req
447. OH,
OH, OH, OH, OH, OH!Copy !req
448. - LOOK, THE SEX
ADDICTION— IT'S LEAVING MY BODY.Copy !req
449. - I CAN FEEL IT. I'M
FREE.Copy !req
450. - WE ARE HEALED!Copy !req
451. - MAKING LOVE, LET'S
GET DOWN TONIGHTCopy !req
452. - WE WATCHED AS SEX ADDICTION
RAN RAMPANT THROUGH OUR COUNTRY.Copy !req
453. IT DEVASTATED FAMILIES.Copy !req
454. BUT ONCE AGAIN, OUR GREAT
COUNTRY HAS RISEN UP AS ONE.Copy !req
455. THE WIZARD ALIEN IS
DEAD.Copy !req
456. SEX ADDICTION IS NO
MORE.Copy !req
457. AND IF A RICH CELEBRITY
IS CAUGHT AGAINCopy !req
458. TRYING TO SCREW LOTS OF
WOMEN,Copy !req
459. WE WILL KNOW IT ISN'T
BECAUSE MEN ARE JUST LIKE THAT.Copy !req
460. IT'S BECAUSE A WIZARD
ALIEN HAS CAST HIS MIGHTY SPELL.Copy !req
461. - OH, I'M SO GLAD IT'S
OVER, SHARON, AREN'T YOU?Copy !req
462. - WE ARE NOW WITH THE YOUNG
BOYS WHO HELPED STOP THE ALIEN.Copy !req
463. BOYS, HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE FREE OF YOUR ILLNESS?Copy !req
464. - I GUESS IT FEELS
GREAT.Copy !req
465. THANKS.Copy !req
466. - YEAH, IT FEELS GREAT!
I NEVER WANNA SEE BUSH AGAIN!Copy !req
467. I FINALLY PAID A LADY TO
SHOW ME HERS.Copy !req
468. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S
UNDER THAT BUSH?Copy !req
469. NOTHING BUT A PAIR OF
SICK JOKER LIPS!Copy !req
470. - I AM SO HAPPY THAT
I AM CUREDCopy !req
471. AND NO LONGER HAVE ANY
DESIRE TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYONECopy !req
472. BUT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE.Copy !req
473. NOW I CAN BE FAITHFUL,Copy !req
474. AND MY WIFE WON'T FEEL
ANY NEED TO GET REVENGECopy !req
475. BY SLEEPING WITH
A BUNCH OF GUYS.Copy !req
476. - I GOT SICK THIS
MORNINGCopy !req
477. A SEA WAS STORMING...Copy !req
478. - SO I OFFICIALLY
ANNOUNCE MY RETURN TO GOLF!Copy !req
479. - WHAT THE HELL? THIS
GAME'S ALL BORING NOW.Copy !req
480. - YEAH, WHERE'S ALL
THE FIGHTING?Copy !req
481. - DUDE, SCREW THIS.Copy !req
482. WHO WANTS TO HIT A
DUMB, LITTLE BALL AROUND?Copy !req
483. - YEAH, GOLF IS STUPID
AGAIN.Copy !req