1. Captioning made possible byCopy !req
2. You guys!
You guys!Copy !req
3. We can finally do it!Copy !req
4. We can finally leave
this crappy townCopy !req
5. and live the life
we've all dreamed of!Copy !req
6. We can?Copy !req
7. What are you
talking about, dude?Copy !req
8. Haven't you assholes been
watching the news?Copy !req
9. Pirating is back, my friends.Copy !req
10. Swashbuckling adventure
on the high seas.Copy !req
11. The stuff we've
all dreamed about!Copy !req
12. And it's all happening
right here!Copy !req
13. Somalia.Copy !req
14. Somalia?
Where's that?Copy !req
15. North Africa.Copy !req
16. Just picture it, guys.Copy !req
17. Clear-blue water
with skull islands.Copy !req
18. Waterfalls and jeweled treasure
underneath.Copy !req
19. Whoa!Copy !req
20. I've worked it
all out on Expedia.Copy !req
21. We can take Southwest Airlines
to MiamiCopy !req
22. then Dubai Air
here to Cairo.Copy !req
23. Then it's just a 49-hour
bus ride into Mogadishu,Copy !req
24. with all the booty and plunder
a pirate could want.Copy !req
25. Wow, you know, Cartman,
that is an awesome idea.Copy !req
26. You should totally
go to Somalia.Copy !req
27. Right and—Copy !req
28. Wait a minute.Copy !req
29. You never think my ideas
are good, Kyle.Copy !req
30. No, I'm being
totally serious.Copy !req
31. That is the best idea
you've ever had.Copy !req
32. You should
run away to Mogadishu.Copy !req
33. You should go there
right away!Copy !req
34. I'll even help pay
for your ticket!Copy !req
35. Wow, cool!Copy !req
36. Wait a minute—
the fuck?Copy !req
37. Why would you do that?Copy !req
38. Unless, you're trying to
trick me somehow...Copy !req
39. No, no, you're right.Copy !req
40. Somalia is an oasis of
treasure and waterfalls!Copy !req
41. It's totally the
pirate's life!Copy !req
42. Then why don't you
wanna go?Copy !req
43. Well, 'cause, dude,
I'm Jewish.Copy !req
44. And, you know...Copy !req
45. Jews can't be pirates.Copy !req
46. That's true.Copy !req
47. Well, I'm glad you've
finally come to termsCopy !req
48. with your disability, Kyle.Copy !req
49. Gentlemen, I'm off
to start planning.Copy !req
50. Please, please let him go.Copy !req
51. Good morning, students.Copy !req
52. These are the morning
announcements.Copy !req
53. Teacher-parent conferencesCopy !req
54. have been rescheduled
to next Tuesday.Copy !req
55. Please inform your parents.Copy !req
56. The gym is being
repainted,Copy !req
57. and is closed
until tomorrow afternoon.Copy !req
58. And now for a special
announcement...Copy !req
59. Avast there, mateys!Copy !req
60. Do you have a thirst
for adventureCopy !req
61. on the high seas of life?Copy !req
62. Are ye" sick and tired of
your parents and teachersCopy !req
63. tellin" ye" what to
do all the time?Copy !req
64. Then join Captain Cartman's
Perfect Pirate Club!Copy !req
65. Argh!Copy !req
66. Just imagine it,
me" Hearties!Copy !req
67. A! ife without ru! es,
without homework and chores!Copy !req
68. You can live the pirates life
in Soma! ia me" friends,Copy !req
69. even Kyle said so.Copy !req
70. Our first official pirate
meetin" will be 4:00 p.m. todayCopy !req
71. at Kevin Stoley's house!Copy !req
72. At my house?
Why my house?Copy !req
73. There will be refreshments
served!Copy !req
74. So make sure your mom goes
to the grocery store, Kevin!Copy !req
75. So come one, come a!Copy !req
76. The invitation is open
to any studentCopy !req
77. who wants to be a pirateCopy !req
78. and who isn't Jewish,
Mexican or Ginger.Copy !req
79. Arghghgh!Copy !req
80. And for lunch today,
the cafeteria will be servingCopy !req
81. taco salad
or hoagie sandwiches.Copy !req
82. Thank you.Copy !req
83. "Ahoy, fellow club members!Copy !req
84. "Congratulations on leaving your
meaningless lives behindCopy !req
85. "to become pirates.Copy !req
86. "Your life of boredom
is at an endCopy !req
87. "thanks to
Captain Cartman!Copy !req
88. All hands on deck!"Copy !req
89. Atten-tion!Copy !req
90. All right, ye' booty-lubbers!Copy !req
91. So you've decided to join
Captain Cartman, did ye—Copy !req
92. Uh, guys, who let in
the G-I-N-G-E-R?Copy !req
93. Well, there's really
not that many of us.Copy !req
94. We figured we should
let him join.Copy !req
95. But, guys, G-I-N-G-E-R'sCopy !req
96. can't be pirates
'cause they don't have souls.Copy !req
97. Please get it
out of here.Copy !req
98. Fine, I don't wanna
be a pirate anyways!Copy !req
99. Okay, anyways.Copy !req
100. Now enough small talk, lads!Copy !req
101. It's time for us to
start rapin' and plunderin' !Copy !req
102. Yeah!Copy !req
103. We set course tomorrow!Copy !req
104. I purchased
everyone's tickets on-lineCopy !req
105. usin' me' mudder's
credit card!Copy !req
106. And your mom is
okay with that?Copy !req
107. Dude, I'm a pirate!Copy !req
108. What the devil do I care what
me' mudder thinks anymore?Copy !req
109. Neat-o!Copy !req
110. All right, lads!Copy !req
111. Go home and write your farewell
letters to your families!Copy !req
112. The land of pirates awaits!Copy !req
113. Pirates ho!Copy !req
114. Pirates ho!
Pirates ho!Copy !req
115. Ho!Copy !req
116. Kevin, goddamn it.Copy !req
117. Have a good flight.Copy !req
118. Next, please?Copy !req
119. We be headin' to Somalia,
by way of Miami to Cairo.Copy !req
120. And take care ye' put us in an
exit row, ye' landlubber.Copy !req
121. I see...Copy !req
122. You five boys are all
booked throughCopy !req
123. to Cairo by yourselves?Copy !req
124. That we be, lass.Copy !req
125. It's all paid fer' on me
mudder's credit card.Copy !req
126. Oh, jeez,
I don't know ifCopy !req
127. I can really go
through with this.
- What?Copy !req
128. It's just leaving
everything behind—Copy !req
129. I can't believe I'm
actually doing it.Copy !req
130. Yeah, maybe we should
think about this.Copy !req
131. You guys— the fuck?Copy !req
132. Are you forgetting how
crappy your lives are?Copy !req
133. All the homework?
The rules?Copy !req
134. Butters, do you really
wanna just go back to school,Copy !req
135. where people just make
fun of you?Copy !req
136. - Who, you mean you?
- Yes!Copy !req
137. Do you really wanna
go back to that?Copy !req
138. No, I'm sick of it!Copy !req
139. Well, all right
then, fag!Copy !req
140. We can't turn back now!Copy !req
141. The path to adventure lies
just beyond this ticket counterCopy !req
142. and if you four have really
come all this wayCopy !req
143. just to turn back now,
then seriously, you guys—Copy !req
144. the fuck?Copy !req
145. He's right, lads!Copy !req
146. To adventure!Copy !req
147. This is Somalia?Copy !req
148. Where's all the waterfalls
and shipwreck lagoons?Copy !req
149. The fuck?Copy !req
150. Excuse me,
where are the pirates?Copy !req
151. Eh?Copy !req
152. Hey, hey, we're looking
for the pirates?Copy !req
153. Where can we find the—Copy !req
154. Butters,
get the phrase book out.Copy !req
155. Ask these people where
the pirates are.Copy !req
156. Uh...Copy !req
157. Oh, he's says
they're in there.Copy !req
158. Ah, nice!Copy !req
159. Come on, mateys!Copy !req
160. Yes, blah blubbb blah
blah— thank you.Copy !req
161. Avast!Copy !req
162. These aren't pirates.Copy !req
163. They're just a bunch
of black people.Copy !req
164. I am Captain Cartman and this
here be my terrible crew!Copy !req
165. We be lookin' fer
a ship to pirate with!Copy !req
166. Yes, very nice.Copy !req
167. Apparently these
are the pirates.Copy !req
168. Ah, excellent!Copy !req
169. They're taking us
to a ship!Copy !req
170. Once we commandeer a vesselCopy !req
171. the plundering will be
easy indeed, lads!Copy !req
172. This is your
pirate boat?Copy !req
173. Dude... the fuck?Copy !req
174. All right, seriously,
you guys,Copy !req
175. what kind of
pirates are you?Copy !req
176. I mean, really,
the fuck, dude.Copy !req
177. The fuck?Copy !req
178. All right, lads, guess
we'll have to settleCopy !req
179. with this meager ship.Copy !req
180. Two of you sit aft and two
of you sit in the front.Copy !req
181. I gotta sit middle
'cause I get motion sickness.Copy !req
182. Kevin, Jesus Christ.Copy !req
183. Hard to starboard, lads!Copy !req
184. There's sure to be lots of
bootys out here!Copy !req
185. Clyde, the fuck?Copy !req
186. You said there was gonna be
crystal-clear lagoonsCopy !req
187. and treasure and plunder!Copy !req
188. Calm down, Clyde!Copy !req
189. Everything's
gonna be okay!Copy !req
190. No it's not, you made me
run away and be a pirateCopy !req
191. and there's not even
any treasure!Copy !req
192. Ike, will you do
something about Clyde please?Copy !req
193. Very nice, Ike.Copy !req
194. All right, me' hearties!Copy !req
195. Keep your eyes open for
boats to plunder!Copy !req
196. Dude, dude!Copy !req
197. You're doing it
all wrong.Copy !req
198. Let me handle this.Copy !req
199. All right,
ya' scallywags!Copy !req
200. Surrender your plunderCopy !req
201. lest we start firing shots
across yer' bow!Copy !req
202. Yeah, that's good
but now go,"arrrrgh!"Copy !req
203. Arrrhgghgh!Copy !req
204. Yeah?Copy !req
205. Okay, and you checked
with Kenny and Token?Copy !req
206. He's not just staying
at their houses?Copy !req
207. No, dude,
everyone's checked.Copy !req
208. I think Cartman really
ran away to Somalia.Copy !req
209. Yes!Copy !req
210. I can't help but take some
credit for this.Copy !req
211. I helped
convince him to go!Copy !req
212. You really think he'll
die in Somalia?Copy !req
213. Oh, for sure, dude.Copy !req
214. It's the most Godforsaken
place on the planet.Copy !req
215. Things are finally
gonna be normal around here.Copy !req
216. Oh, God!
Oh, God!Copy !req
217. What did we do wrong,
Gerald?Copy !req
218. Take it easy,
we'll find him!Copy !req
219. I'll call you back.Copy !req
220. Oh, Kyle, he's gone!Copy !req
221. Your little brother's
run away from home!Copy !req
222. What?
Are you sure?Copy !req
223. He left a note saying
he's never coming back!Copy !req
224. "Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I am running away.Copy !req
225. "I am sorry,
but I can no longer handleCopy !req
226. "the monotony of
middle-class life.Copy !req
227. "Everyone at school is
a fucking idiotCopy !req
228. "and if one more
person talked to me aboutCopy !req
229. "that Susan Boyle performance
of 'Les Miserables'Copy !req
230. "I was going to puke my
balls out through my mouth.Copy !req
231. "I love you all, but I have
to move on.Copy !req
232. "I'm going to
Somalia to be a...Copy !req
233. to be a pirate?"Copy !req
234. Oh, shit!Copy !req
235. Oh, Gerald,
what are we gonna do?Copy !req
236. It's all right,
he couldn't have gone far.Copy !req
237. Let's call the other
kids' houses.Copy !req
238. Oh, God,
what have I done?Copy !req
239. The fuck are you
pirates doing?Copy !req
240. Are we gonna
plunder them or not?Copy !req
241. All right, let's go!Copy !req
242. Quiet, ye' sons of
biscuit-eaters!Copy !req
243. This boat is
now pirate property!Copy !req
244. Now get ye' to yer' lifeboat,
lest ye' wanna be shark bait!Copy !req
245. Plunder the booty,
lads!Copy !req
246. This ship is ours!Copy !req
247. Okay!Copy !req
248. I said get off my boat!Copy !req
249. Ahggh!Copy !req
250. That's it!Copy !req
251. Get in there,
ya' swarmy dogs!Copy !req
252. Lower 'em down, Ike!Copy !req
253. Have a good day!Copy !req
254. Hard to port, lads!Copy !req
255. Hard to port!Copy !req
256. What's port?Copy !req
257. Just make the boat
go that way, kind of.Copy !req
258. That's good!
Now bring 'er around topside!Copy !req
259. Now that's a pirate ship.Copy !req
260. A fine day of plunderin'
we had, boys.Copy !req
261. What about yourselves?Copy !req
262. Here ya are, lads!Copy !req
263. Plenty of booty
to go around!Copy !req
264. A round of
grog for me boys.Copy !req
265. A round of grog for
everyone!Copy !req
266. The fuck is this?Copy !req
267. This is water
in a Dixie cup!Copy !req
268. All right, goddamn it,Copy !req
269. really, you guys, what kind of
pirates are you?Copy !req
270. Look at yourselves!Copy !req
271. You're a disgrace
to Blackbeard!Copy !req
272. I don't know where
you people get offCopy !req
273. calling yourselves pirates—Copy !req
274. little beat-up boats
water in Dixie cups—Copy !req
275. I mean, I mean, look,
look at this guy?Copy !req
276. Look at this guy,
for Christ's sake!Copy !req
277. I mean, how hard
is this, people?Copy !req
278. I tell ya', lads,
if we're gonna beCopy !req
279. the most feared
people on EarthCopy !req
280. then there needs to be some
goddamn changes around here!Copy !req
281. Uh, goddamn it, people.Copy !req
282. Okay, okay, let's stop
there for a minute.Copy !req
283. Remember on
"Trick a lotty do"Copy !req
284. that's a lotty do.Copy !req
285. Okay, I really need you guys
to enunciate the lotty.Copy !req
286. Uh, Nadif?Copy !req
287. If I can you and AbdikarimCopy !req
288. to sing the harmony
on the second"yo ho."Copy !req
289. And, uh, Hashmish, is it?Copy !req
290. I'm sorry,
but you're a little flat.Copy !req
291. Remember to sing out, don't
close your throat, okay?Copy !req
292. So let's go
from, uh, bar 14.Copy !req
293. We'll pick up after
the quarter rest.Copy !req
294. Ike?Copy !req
295. We found them adrift
in a life boat, sir.Copy !req
296. They say that pirates
took their ship by force.Copy !req
297. Damn pirates!Copy !req
298. What's causing them to suddenly
be so much more active?Copy !req
299. Is the crew okay?Copy !req
300. Yes, sir, they're FrenchCopy !req
301. so they surrendered
immediately.Copy !req
302. Once the pirates
boarded your ship,Copy !req
303. how did they force
you off?Copy !req
304. Elles avait light saber!Copy !req
305. Oui, un light saber!Copy !req
306. Le light saber
terrible!Copy !req
307. Ahh!Copy !req
308. Sir, the pirates
appear to haveCopy !req
309. forced the French crew off
their boat with a light saber.Copy !req
310. My God.Copy !req
311. The pirates are getting
better equipped every day.Copy !req
312. Gentlemen, I want the President
of the United StatesCopy !req
313. on the phone.Copy !req
314. We can no longer fight
the pirates on the seas.Copy !req
315. We have to take them out
where they live.Copy !req
316. What did I tell you,
Butters?Copy !req
317. This is the good life, huh?Copy !req
318. What's going on?Copy !req
319. Ah, good, a hostage
will bring a fine ransom!Copy !req
320. Well, well, well,
well, well.Copy !req
321. This is CNN... N.Copy !req
322. Breaking news of yet another
pirate crisis in Somalia.Copy !req
323. Members of NATO
received word todayCopy !req
324. that pirates have captured
an American childCopy !req
325. and are demanding
10 million eurosCopy !req
326. for his safe release.Copy !req
327. US Navy ships
have been deployedCopy !req
328. and the pirate standoff
is about to get ugly.Copy !req
329. Well, well, well,
well, well, well,Copy !req
330. well, well, well,
well, Kyle.Copy !req
331. You came all this way to
try and join my pirate club.Copy !req
332. No, fat ass,
I came to get my brother!Copy !req
333. We all have to get
out of here!Copy !req
334. It isn't safe!Copy !req
335. It isn't safe.Copy !req
336. That's not what you said
back in the cafeteria, Kyle.Copy !req
337. In the cafeteria you said
Somalia was awesome.Copy !req
338. I know,
was lying then.Copy !req
339. Or are you lying now?Copy !req
340. So many lies, Kyle, you can't
even keep them straight!Copy !req
341. You just couldn't stand that
we were living in paradiseCopy !req
342. while you were back home.Copy !req
343. This isn't paradise
and you know it.Copy !req
344. The people here are
starving and dying.Copy !req
345. The whole world
has used SomaliaCopy !req
346. as a dumping ground for
toxic waste.Copy !req
347. Even the fish
here are radioactive!Copy !req
348. Cartman, just give me
my brotherCopy !req
349. and let us get out of here.Copy !req
350. Your brother
is with Butters,Copy !req
351. taking inventory our latest
plunder, Kyle.Copy !req
352. You, just sit tightCopy !req
353. 'til we hear about
your ransom money.Copy !req
354. One box of
Italian Passports!Copy !req
355. One necklace— gold!Copy !req
356. Three crew member
watches—Copy !req
357. Excuse me,
can I ask you a question?Copy !req
358. Oh, sure, Guleed.Copy !req
359. Why did you
Americans come here?Copy !req
360. Well, 'cause our lives
sucked back home.Copy !req
361. We had all these
rules and homework.Copy !req
362. Yeah, homework!Copy !req
363. And our parents
hollered at us.Copy !req
364. Yeah!Copy !req
365. So we wanted to
come here and be pirates!Copy !req
366. Pirates!Copy !req
367. But that's what
I do not understand.Copy !req
368. Why would anyone want
to be a pirate?Copy !req
369. Huh?Copy !req
370. Every day I dream that
I can go to school,Copy !req
371. learn about the world.Copy !req
372. But my mother,
she's dying of AIDSCopy !req
373. and there is no money
for medicine.Copy !req
374. My father was killed
trying to find food for us.Copy !req
375. Do you know how I feelCopy !req
376. every time we try to
capture a boat?Copy !req
377. Scared.Copy !req
378. And not just scared
because I might get killedCopy !req
379. but scared because if I don't
get something out of itCopy !req
380. my family
and friends are going to die.Copy !req
381. I don't want to
be a pirate.Copy !req
382. I don't see
how anybody would.Copy !req
383. Oh, my God.Copy !req
384. Jeez, guess we kinda got
put in our place, huh, Ike?Copy !req
385. I feel like an asshole.Copy !req
386. Yeah, me too.Copy !req
387. Go on, walk the plank,
ye' scurvy dog!Copy !req
388. Cartman, knock it off!Copy !req
389. That's Captain Cartman,
ye' Jewswoggle.Copy !req
390. Eric— hey, Eric!Copy !req
391. Listen,
we wanna go home.Copy !req
392. What?Copy !req
393. Me and Ike, we been talkin'
and... wul, guys,Copy !req
394. we really had it
pretty good back in America.Copy !req
395. I mean, sure, it's easy
to think our livesCopy !req
396. are boring
and full of rules,Copy !req
397. but a lot of people
have it way worse.Copy !req
398. The pirates' life isn't
a life of fun and adventure.Copy !req
399. It's a life of hardship
and suffering.Copy !req
400. When you get down to it,Copy !req
401. we were pretty lucky
to have the lives we did.Copy !req
402. Clyde?Copy !req
403. I hate it here,
I wanna go hommmme!Copy !req
404. You guys cannot leave
the pirate club now!Copy !req
405. How can you not want to stayCopy !req
406. in this paradise
we've created?Copy !req
407. In Somalia
people have no laws!Copy !req
408. They have no rules and they
never grow old!Copy !req
409. They never grow old because
they die before they're 30!Copy !req
410. Nobody's going anywhere!Copy !req
411. I'm the captain
of this outfit!Copy !req
412. To arms!Copy !req
413. Now, is there any question
who's in charge?Copy !req
414. I have an entire pirate crew
willing to do anything for me!Copy !req
415. All right, men, remember,
do not hit the white ones!Copy !req
416. Me and my crew are gonna go
on piratin' forever!Copy !req
417. Clear.Copy !req
418. The fuck?Copy !req
419. Captioning made possible byCopy !req
420. Captioned by
Soundwriters™Copy !req