1. Captioning made possible by
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2. Hey Jimmy, what
are you up to?
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3. Oh, hey Eric.
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4. I was just trying to
write some new jokes
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5. for my comedy
r-r-routine.
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6. Yeah well, you wanna
do something?
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7. I wanted to hang out
with Stan and Kyle
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8. but they're all pissed off
at me for something
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9. so I have to
hang out with you.
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10. Sorry, Eric, but I really
need to work, very much.
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11. I haven't written
a good joke in over a week.
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12. Alright, well maybe
I can help you.
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13. You know, we can totally
write some stuff together.
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14. Oh well sure,
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15. I've never really tried
working with a partner
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16. but let's give it
a sh-sho-
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17. sho-shotsgarrooski.
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18. Let's see...
I was working on this-
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19. Why does a squirrel
swim on its back?
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20. To keep his
n-nuts dry...
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21. Nah, that's
not that funny.
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22. Let's try
something else.
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23. Uh... A fireman
and a P-p-pollack
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24. are eating
marshmallows, when-
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25. No- No Pollacks aren't
that funny, dude.
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26. Try something else.
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27. So the pope says
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28. "What are you,
a stinking evolutionist?"
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29. Mehhh...
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30. Here's some fruit, boys.
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31. Better for you than
potato chips.
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32. Ooh, Jimmy look out,
there's a black widow!
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33. Wow, thanks mom!
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34. You might'a
saved my life!
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35. Dude, if I'm trying to be
creative I can't eat fruit -
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36. Doesn't your mom have something
more substantial to eat?
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37. You can check
the freezer.
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38. There might be some frozen
fishsticks or something.
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39. If you like
fishsticks...
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40. Yeah, I like fishsticks.
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41. Wait a minute...
fish sticks.
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42. Fish... dicks...
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43. Oh my God,
it's so obvious!
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44. How did I never
think of it before?
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45. Dude, you got
something?
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46. Alright just run with me
on this, Eric.
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47. Say Eric, do you
like fishsticks?
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48. Yeah.
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49. You like putting
fish dicks in your mouth?
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50. Yeah.
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51. Well what are
you, Eric...
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52. A gay fish?
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53. Fish dicks!
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54. Oh dude that's
funny as shit!
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55. I think we're really
onto something here!
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56. Let's try it out
on the guys!
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57. Oh, there's Clyde,
do it to Clyde!
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58. Yeah, Yeah, let's
do it to Clyde!
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59. Okay, okay, shhh,
check it out.
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60. Uh hey there, Clyde.
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61. Hey.
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62. What's going on?
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63. Eric and Jimmy came up with
the funniest joke ever!
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64. Say Clyde, do you
like fishsticks?
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65. Yes.
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66. You like to put fishsticks
in your mouth?
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67. Yes.
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68. What are you, Clyde,
a gay fish?
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69. You said you like fish dicks
in your mouth
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70. that makes you
a gay fish!
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71. Ha-ha!
Ha-ha!
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72. Token, Token, got
a question for you.
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73. Token, do you
like fishsticks?
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74. Fishsticks,
yeah, I guess so.
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75. Shh shh, Butters!
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76. You like putting
fishsticks in your mouth?
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77. Yes.
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78. A gay fish?
What are you,
a gay fish?
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79. Ha ha haaaa!
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80. Hey look there's
Kevin Stoley!
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81. Hey Kevin do you
like fishsticks?
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82. Hey...
Hey Mackey.
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83. Do you like
fishsticks?
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84. Fishsticks?
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85. Yeah, I like
fishsticks, mkay.
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86. Oh hey, Peterson,
buying fishsticks
I see...
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87. Yeah, I like
fishsticks.
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88. What are you Peterson,
a gay fish?
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89. And now here he is,
Jimmy Kimmel!
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90. Alright, hey how we all
feeling tonight...
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91. So let me ask the guys
in the audience a question-
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92. Do you like fishsticks?
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93. Yes! Yes!
Yes.
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94. Huh... what are you,
gay fish?
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95. And so uh,
hey Paul...
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96. Do you like
fishsticks, Paul?
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97. Uh... Sure.
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98. What are you Paul,
a gay fish?
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99. So apparently
more and more Americans
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100. are eating fishsticks-
have you see this?
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101. Have you
read about this?
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102. Loving fishsticks.
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103. Kind of makes me wonder,
you know?
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104. What is everybody,
a gay fish?
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105. It is quite possibly the
funniest joke ever conceived,
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106. and its origin is unknown.
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107. The fishdicks joke
crosses all borders
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108. all races all ages
and ethnic groups
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109. and is slowly uniting
our country.
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110. In fact, the only person who
appears to not get the joke
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111. is rapper Kanye West
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112. who becomes furious when people
use the joke on him.
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113. Yo' that is messed up, yo.
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114. I am not gay.
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115. And I sure as hell
ain't no fish, alright?
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116. You...
really don't get it?
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117. Hey man,
I'm a genius, alright.
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118. I'm the most talented musician
in the world.
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119. If I was a homosexual
or a fish, I would know!
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120. You're a rapper.
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121. Yes!
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122. An entrepreneur.
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123. Yes.
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124. And you like
fish dicks.
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125. Yes.
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126. You're a gay fish.
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127. No I'm not
no gay fish.
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128. Just gay?
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129. I'm not gay and
I'm not a fish.
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130. Man!
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131. You are male.
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132. Damn right I'm male!
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133. A male that
likes fish dicks.
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134. Yeah, I like fishsticks.
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135. You like to put fish dicks
in your mouth.
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136. Yeah.
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137. You're a gay fish.
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138. Alright that does it!
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139. I'm gonna kick your
motherfucking ass!
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140. And then it was on Leno
and Jimmy Kimmel show!
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141. Dude, that's our joke on
national television!
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142. We know, Cartman.
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143. Jimmy, I've
been thinking.
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144. We've got to patent
the fishsticks joke.
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145. Patent?
Yeah, dude.
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146. There's lots of people
out there using our joke
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147. on their shows.
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148. We should be
getting compensated.
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149. Well Eric, that's really
not how jokes work.
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150. I mean, you know
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151. we should just be happy
that the joke is so popular
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152. and made a lot
of people laugh.
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153. Dude, fuck that!
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154. Maybe you were writing jokes
for people's amusement
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155. but I don't work for free.
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156. I'm gonna
talk to a lawyer
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157. so we get what's
coming to us.
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158. Jimmy, exactly what part
of the fishdicks joke
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159. did Cartman write?
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160. Well... He didn't actually
write any of it...
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161. He just uh...
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162. Let me guess-
you wrote the joke
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163. and Cartman just laid on
the couch eating Twizzlers.
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164. Actually it
was potato chips.
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165. I knew it!
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166. Don't let that fat turd
walk all over you, Jimmy!
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167. Stand up for yourself!
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168. Well I mean,
he was in the room.
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169. Then just
give him half.
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170. What?
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171. I like you, Jimmy.
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172. But you're not
gonna win this.
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173. Consider yourself lucky
he's only asking for half.
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174. Craig, if Cartman
didn't do anything
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175. then he doesn't deserve
any of the credit.
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176. Yup.
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177. And and if I had wheels,
I'd be a wagon.
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178. No dude, screw that!
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179. Jimmy, if Cartman didn't
write the joke
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180. then definitely don't sign
any patent papers with him!
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181. Just say 'Cartman,
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182. 'you didn't have anything
to do with this joke,
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183. and you know it!'
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184. Just give him half.
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185. There are a lot
of people out there
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186. making up rumors about me
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187. that are
malicious and untrue!
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188. But I am going to prove
once and for all
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189. I am not a fish.
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190. Because I am a genius
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191. I have ascertained
that fish have gills.
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192. Doctor, do I have gills?
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193. He does not
have gills.
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194. You hear that,
no gills.
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195. So I can't be a fish.
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196. And I'm a genius voice of a
generation, so I'm not gay.
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197. So that is that,
alright, it's over.
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198. Now are there
any questions?
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199. Do you like
fishsticks?
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200. Love 'em!
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201. You're a gay fish.
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202. No, I'm not,
ahghghgh!
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203. Alright, recently...
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204. Recently we've all come to know
the fishsticks joke
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205. as probably the funniest,
most awesome joke ever.
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206. But who originally
came up with it?
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207. Well, here's your answer-
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208. Joining us tonight,
the brains behind
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209. the incredible
fishsticks joke —
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210. The one and only,
Carlos Mencia!
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211. Yeah,
Viva la Mexico!
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212. So Carlos, you've got
a show on Comedy Central
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213. a stand up tour,
where did you have time
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214. to come up with
this classic joke?
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215. Well, you know, I was just
kickin' it with my homies
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216. and my brain -
you know my brain
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217. is always so full of ideas
'cuz I'm so funny and stuff...
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218. So I was all like -
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219. "Hey Pepeeto,
you like fishsticks?"
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220. And my homeboy says,
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221. 'Yeah Carlos y'know
you're so funny'.
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222. And then it just
occurred to me,
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223. 'Oh man, you must be
a gay fish, holmes!'
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224. That's just how I came
up with it, mi amigos!
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225. Motherfucker!
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226. Jimmy, dude,
did you see?
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227. Carlos Mencia is taking
credit for our joke!
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228. Really?
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229. Yeah dude, I told you
this would happen.
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230. Now look, I got a lawyer to
draw up some patent papers.
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231. We've got to sign these
so that people know
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232. that the joke belongs
to you and me!
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233. Uh... I don't know, Eric.
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234. I really don't think I want to
sign that, very much.
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235. But Jimmy, some fat turd
is taking credit
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236. for something
he didn't do!
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237. Well, to be perfectly
f-f-frank, Eric,
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238. I think I came up with
a little bit more of the joke
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239. than you did.
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240. What?
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241. Well, you know, I mean,
I basically wrote the thing
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242. and you just kind of...
ate chips.
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243. Jimmy, that's messed up.
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244. We decided that day
to write together.
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245. Don't you remember?
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246. Hey Jimmy,
you wanna hang out?
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247. Sorry, Eric, but I gotta
write some jokes.
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248. Unless you wanna
team up or something?
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249. Team up?
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250. Okay, let's write
some jokes together.
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251. Here's some fishdicks guys,
hope you like fishdicks.
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252. "Do we like
fishsticks?"
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253. What does she think
we are, gay fish?
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254. Ha-ha!
Ha-ha!
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255. Ooh, look out Jimmy,
it's a black widow!
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256. Wow, thanks Eric!
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257. Is that... Is that
how it happened?
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258. Look, exactly who came up
with which part of the joke
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259. isn't even relevant.
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260. We had an
agreement, Jimmy
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261. and if you wanna
go back on that now...
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262. well then, you're
no better than a Jew.
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263. I'm... I'm sorry?
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264. It's cool man.
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265. It's cool.
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266. Here he is, ya'll!
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267. Give it up for
Kanye West!
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268. Yo' uh, yo'.
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269. Yo' woa,
what the hell?
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270. Gay fish!
Gay fish!
Gay fish!
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271. Gay fish!
Gay fish! Gay fish!
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272. Yo' fuck
this noise yo' !
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273. It just doesn't
make any sense, yo' !
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274. Why's everyone calling me
a gay fish?
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275. Kanye, look, we all think
it would be better
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276. if you would
just drop it.
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277. You know, I mean,
if you don't get it
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278. you don't get it.
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279. What you mean
I don't get it, house?
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280. I'm a genius!
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281. I'll understand it,
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282. I just need to
break it down, is all.
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283. Now let's see...
something about fishsticks-
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284. Interacting with me,
makes me gay fish...
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285. Kanye, really—
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286. Shut up!
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287. Alright what do we know
about fishsticks...
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288. They're breaded...
they're fried, they're frozen.
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289. Then under me
we have rapper... genius...
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290. Gay fish
are homosexual...
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291. they swim...
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292. Is it because breaded has
something to do with genius?
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293. Which swims?
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294. No, because you said you
like fish dicks, Kanye.
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295. Don't you get it?
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296. You see fish dicks
is a play on words.
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297. I don't need anyone
telling me play on words
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298. I'm a motherfucking
lyrical wordsmith
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299. motherfucking genius!
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300. Hey Kyle, can I talk to you
for a second?
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301. Dude, get outta here,
I'm peeing.
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302. It's just...
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303. I don't know what
to do about Jimmy.
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304. I'm starting to think he
might try and Jew me out of
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305. my half of the
fishsticks joke.
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306. I just need you
to teach me some
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307. Jew defensive moves, Kyle.
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308. Because we really both
did come up with it.
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309. You know what, Cartman?
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310. I believe you.
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311. You do?
Yes.
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312. I believe that
you believe
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313. you helped
write that joke.
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314. That's how people
like you work.
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315. Your ego is
so out of whack
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316. that it will do whatever
it can to protect itself.
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317. And people with
a messed up ego
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318. can do these
mental gymnastics
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319. to convince themselves
they're awesome
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320. when really they're
just douchebags.
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321. But... I'm sure I helped
come up with the joke...
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322. Didn't I?
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323. Hey Jimmy,
what's up, dawg?
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324. Oh hey Eric!
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325. Just working on
some jokes.
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326. That's cool, you wanna
write some together?
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327. Hey, that'd be great!
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328. I've always wanted
to work with you.
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329. You're really funny and
you're totally not fat.
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330. Cool, thanks,
let's get to work.
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331. Now let's see...
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332. Something that's
a play on words.
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333. I dunno... fishsticks.
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334. You know, 'cuz dicks.
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335. Hey, you're really
onto something there!
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336. Hello Eric,
I have some chips
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337. because you're totally
not fat at all.
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338. Oh thank you,
Mrs. Valmer.
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339. Now let's see...
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340. The setup could be
"Do you like fishsticks?"
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341. Right, and then
I say 'yeah'
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342. So then I can say
'What are you a gay fish?'
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343. Oh wow this is
incredible!
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344. What is that?
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345. It's a dragon
of some kind!
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346. Don't worry
I can save you all!
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347. Hughgh!
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348. Hey look, Eric
killed a dragon!
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349. He's the most awesome
kid in school!
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350. And he's not
fat at all!
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351. Thanks you guys!
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352. Nope...
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353. No, I definitely
helped write the joke.
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354. All I can hope is Jimmy
doesn't try to Jew me over.
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355. Is it perhaps...
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356. that I'm fashionable and
fishsticks are crunchy?
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357. Yo' Kanye, Kanye,
we found 'em, money!
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358. Found who?
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359. You told us
to track down
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360. whoever started the
whole fishstick thang.
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361. We found out who, dawg.
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362. Come on, man,
what is this man?
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363. What the fuck
is going on man?
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364. Oh fuck, man,
Kanye West -
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365. Oh no, oh shit, man...
okay look it wasn't me -
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366. I didn't really start the
fishstick thing, alright?
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367. You just sayin' that now
'cuz you're scared!
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368. No man, it's true,
I stole it, man!
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369. I took credit for it 'cuz
I'm not actually funny!
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370. Come on man, do you know
what that's like?
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371. Being a comedian but
not being funny?
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372. Come on, Kanye,
I just take jokes
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373. and re-package them with
a Mexican accent man.
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374. You think you can
make fun of me?
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375. I'm a genius!
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376. I'm the voice
of a generation!
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377. What are you!
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378. Nothing!
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379. Look at me man...
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380. I'm not funny, I steal jokes,
my dick don't work, man...
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381. I got to piss in a plastic bag,
man, I got no dick!
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382. I'm not gonna
hurt you.
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383. I pay people
to do that for me.
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384. Oh shit, oh no man,
come on I got no dick man-
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385. Ahhh ahh!
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386. Now, explain
it to me.
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387. Why do people think
I'm a gay fish?
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388. 'Cuz... 'cuz you like
fishsticks, man.
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389. Come on, man...
don't you get it?
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390. Please...
just get it man...
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391. Why- look at me
look at me!
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392. I love fishsticks...
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393. I love putting
fishsticks in my mouth.
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394. You're, you're
a gay fish, man.
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395. Thank you,
thank you very much!
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396. Well, about a week ago
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397. our country was blessed
with the fishsticks joke.
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398. And ever since then,
us comedians
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399. have been kicking ourselves
for not thinking of it!
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400. But today, we have with us
the true creators
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401. of the fishsticks joke-
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402. Please welcome the comedy team
of Cartman and Valmer!
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403. Hey guys!
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404. Hi Ellen!
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405. You guys like
fishsticks?
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406. Thank you, thank you
no really, thank you.
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407. So guys I gotta ask,
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408. How did you come up
with this incredible joke?
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409. It was just-
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410. Ellen, comedy is like a game
of racquetball, you know?
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411. You serve, and the other
person hits it back.
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412. It bounces off the wall-
you backhand it.
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413. And it goes back and forth
and back and forth!
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414. Then hopefully, you've
got a good joke.
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415. Thank you.
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416. But guys, this joke
is so... perfect.
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417. Can you explain how nobody
thought of it before?
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418. Well Ellen, the t-t-t-
truth of the matter is
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419. that there's never really
been a team like us before.
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420. I mean, let's be
perfectly honest
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421. a lot of people wouldn't
work with someone
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422. who was disabled,
but I see past that.
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423. I look beyond Jimmy's
disabilities and find a bond-
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424. Which can unite us
in comedy.
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425. Working with crippled people
is really important.
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426. That's so great...
and are you crying Jimmy?
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427. Yes ma'am.
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428. Oh don't cry pal, you're
gonna get me started.
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429. Anyway, what was important
for us, as a team, Ellen
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430. was to make sure that
everyone knew that
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431. we came up with the joke,
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432. and not
Carlos-butthole-Mencia.
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433. I see, and did you know
that Carlos Mencia
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434. was found dead in
his house this morning
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435. with fishsticks stuffed
down his open neck hole?
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436. Uhhh... excuse me?
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437. Get my jet ready!
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438. Looks like we got
another inning to play.
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439. Alright so check it out,
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440. we've got offers from
Van de Camps
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441. and Gorton's Fishermen,
to do commercials!
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442. It's always been my dream
to go on a national TV show
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443. and talk about
the craft of comedy.
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444. Yeah, that was
cool, huh?
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445. Eric, there's something
I really need to know.
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446. What's that?
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447. How do you live
with yourself?
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448. You know you had nothing to do
with the fishsticks joke -
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449. but you just
keep pretending.
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450. How do you look at yourself
in the fucking mirror?
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451. That's what
I want to know!
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452. So...
here it is.
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453. How do you take credit for
something you didn't do?
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454. That is bullcrap Jimmy
and you know it!
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455. I had just as much to do
with the fishsticks joke
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456. as you did!
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457. Dude, it's Puff Daddy!
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458. Tie up these
motherfuckers!
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459. Now, I'm gonna ask you
motherfuckers one more time.
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460. Why did you start
these rumors about me?
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461. Please, I wasn't starting
rumors about you.
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462. I don't even know
who you are!
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463. Oh right, everyone
knows who I am!
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464. I want to know
how this got started.
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465. Well, we were just talking
about ideas for jokes and-
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466. Oh so now it's we,
huh, Jimmy?
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467. A minute ago you said
you did it all yourself!
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468. Well, I just a bu- I bu-
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469. Uh bubbu bubbu
a-bubbu!
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470. We both came up
with it together.
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471. You wanna know
how it happened?
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472. Hello, Jim.
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473. Oh boy, it's my
best pal Eric!
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474. What you up to?
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475. I'm trying
to write jokes
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476. but I'm not as funny
as you, so it's tough.
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477. Well, maybe
I can help you.
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478. We can team up!
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479. Really?
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480. Wow, you would help me
even though I'm crippled.
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481. You are caring
and not fat.
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482. Now let's see,
how about a joke
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483. that has something
to do with fishsticks.
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484. You know,
'cuz fishsticks
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485. sounds like
fish dicks, Jimmy.
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486. Eric Cartman,
you are handsome
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487. and not even
remotely fat.
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488. Thanks- so what
I'm thinking is,
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489. Do you like fishsticks
in your mouth?
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490. What was that?
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491. Eric, Eric you
have to save us!
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492. An entire army of
Jew robots!
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493. Oh my God, what are
Jew Bots doing here?
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494. Flame on!
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495. Flame off!
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496. You saved everyone from
the Jewbots, Cartman!
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497. C'mon Jimmy, we gotta go back
and finish that joke!
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498. "... like fishsticks
in your mouth?"
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499. "What are you
a gay fish?" -There!
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500. Wow Eric, incredible!
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501. Too bad I'm a dick and
I'm gonna take all the credit.
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502. S-s-suck it, bitch.
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503. Aw, dammit.
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504. I guess it really was
all me who came up with it.
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505. What?
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506. You gotta let Jimmy go,
it's all my fault.
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507. Jesus Eric...
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508. He's gonna kill you.
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509. You won't even admit
it was just me
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510. knowing you're
gonna die?
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511. Jimmy, you really believe
that you came up with it
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512. all on your own?
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513. Oh my God, wait...
I totally get it now!
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514. What, I still don't
get anything!
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515. All this time I've been
mad at you Jimmy
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516. for trying to take
all the credit.
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517. But now I realize it's
just that your ego
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518. has made you believe things
happened differently.
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519. That's what Kyle was
trying to tell me.
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520. That you have
such a huge ego
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521. you do these
mental gymnastics
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522. to make yourself
a part of things.
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523. R-really?
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524. I thought you were
just trying to
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525. Jew me out of
my part of the credit
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526. but now I realize
that some people
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527. just have egos that
are so out of whack-
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528. That no matter what
people tell them,
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529. they can't accept the
truth of who they are.
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530. Jimmy, I owe you
an apology.
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531. I realize now you
can't help believing
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532. you created
the entire joke,
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533. because your ego won't
let you think otherwise.
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534. I just have to
accept that.
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535. Thanks, Eric,
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536. for being so
understanding.
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537. He's right...
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538. For so long I've
considered myself
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539. God's gift to the world
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540. that I couldn't take it
when people made fun of me.
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541. But they weren't
making fun of me...
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542. They were trying
to help me.
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543. Boys, I understand
what you did now.
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544. Untie them guys...
I know what I have to do.
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545. Yo' Kanye,
you sure about this?
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546. It's time for me
to stop running.
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547. I need to believe
what people tell me.
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548. Let all my fans know
I love 'em
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549. but a gay fish
just can't live
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550. in the outside world forever.
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551. Don't be sad
for me, guys—
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552. I'm going home!
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553. Uh - c'mon!
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554. Gay fish, yo'
Motherfucking gay fish
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555. I'm a fish, yo'
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556. Gay fish, yo'
Motherfucking gay fish
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557. I'm a fish, yo'
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