1. Captioning made possible byCopy !req
2. Oh, boy, it's over,
it's over!Copy !req
3. Oh, man, I thought that
day would never end!Copy !req
4. Hey, Stan, you wanna maybe
study together after school?Copy !req
5. What?Copy !req
6. No way, Wendy,
today's The Day!Copy !req
7. What day?Copy !req
8. The day they're showing
part two of last week'sCopy !req
9. Terrance and Phillip show!Copy !req
10. They're gonna finally reveal
who Phillip farted onCopy !req
11. to get out of jail!Copy !req
12. Oh, God,
that show is so dumb.Copy !req
13. Dumb?Copy !req
14. Phillip farted in
somebody's face super-hardCopy !req
15. but you don't know who until
this week's episode!Copy !req
16. Ugh, this has been
the longest week of my life!Copy !req
17. Why do boys think
farts are so funny?Copy !req
18. They're juvenile
and gross!Copy !req
19. No, no, no, no,
you're right, Bebe.Copy !req
20. Farts totally aren't funny.Copy !req
21. Eww!Copy !req
22. Come on, guys,
we gotta go!Copy !req
23. We're finally gonna learn
the shocking truthCopy !req
24. of who Phillip farted on!Copy !req
25. Let's get to my house!Copy !req
26. Come on!
We gotta buy chips!Copy !req
27. God, they're so stupid.Copy !req
28. Oh, boy!
This is gonna be great!Copy !req
29. I've waited for this
all week!Copy !req
30. Ahp-ahp-ahp,
that's my seat, Craig.Copy !req
31. Dude, I was here first.Copy !req
32. It's my goddamn house.Copy !req
33. Now get your bitch-ass
on the floor!Copy !req
34. It's on, it's on,
it's on!Copy !req
35. You are watching
the Canada Channel.Copy !req
36. The only Channel in Canada.Copy !req
37. Terrance farted on
the American PresidentCopy !req
38. but Phillip took the heat.Copy !req
39. It wasn't me!Copy !req
40. And now the
thrilling conclusion of...Copy !req
41. will not be seen tonightCopy !req
42. so that we may bring you
this Queef Sisters special!Copy !req
43. What?Copy !req
44. Canada Channel presents:
The Queef Sisters.Copy !req
45. Katherine and Katie Queef.Copy !req
46. Two Toronto Girls who love
shooting air out their vaginas.Copy !req
47. It's a Queef Sisters Special
on Channel Canada.Copy !req
48. All right, Queef Sisters,Copy !req
49. it's time for your yearly
Pap smear and vag exam.Copy !req
50. All right, Doctor.Copy !req
51. I'm ready, Doctor.Copy !req
52. Now, I'm just going to
check for cysts.Copy !req
53. Agh!Copy !req
54. Ha hah ahahahaahaa!Copy !req
55. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
56. Now listen here,
if you queef in my faceCopy !req
57. then I refuse to be your
gynecologist!Copy !req
58. I'm sorry, Doctor.Copy !req
59. I had air trapped
in my vagina.Copy !req
60. Haahaha!Copy !req
61. Well, just don't
let it happen again.Copy !req
62. Now I'm just going to
check for cysts.Copy !req
63. Ugh!Copy !req
64. Ha hahaahahahahaa!Copy !req
65. Now stop it,
that isn't funny!Copy !req
66. Babies come from there!Copy !req
67. Hahahah!Copy !req
68. That's it,
no Pap smear for you.Copy !req
69. But, Doctor,
what if I have cancer?Copy !req
70. You should've
thought of thatCopy !req
71. before you queefed
in my face three times.Copy !req
72. They... they aren't
gonna showCopy !req
73. part two of the
Terrance and Phillip show?Copy !req
74. Doctor, my sister
is just being difficult.Copy !req
75. Maybe you could just examine
my cervix instead?Copy !req
76. Oh, all right,
let me check for cysts.Copy !req
77. No!Copy !req
78. Ha ha ah
Ahahaaaaaaaa!Copy !req
79. That does it,
Queef Sisters!Copy !req
80. I'm not your vaginal doctor
anymore!Copy !req
81. Oh, Katie, I do believe
we made the doctor angry!Copy !req
82. I guess so, Katherine.Copy !req
83. Dude, what the hell is
this disgusting crap?Copy !req
84. What the hell is this
disgusting crap?Copy !req
85. Queef Sisters?Copy !req
86. That's right, it's a hot, new
Canadian show we're trying out.Copy !req
87. You replaced our show
with this?Copy !req
88. But they aren't funny.Copy !req
89. All they do is
queef all the time!Copy !req
90. That's sick!Copy !req
91. You think farts are funny,
why not queefs?Copy !req
92. Because babies
come from there!Copy !req
93. Aye, look, guys, women are
starting to be the driving forceCopy !req
94. behind the television audience.Copy !req
95. Y'know, women
empowerment and the get-go.Copy !req
96. So we want to try to appeal
to the female sensibility.Copy !req
97. Sorry, guys, but if you ask me,
your farts have gotten stale.Copy !req
98. No, no, as a matter of fact,
I will not hold!Copy !req
99. I've been on hold
for 35 minutes!Copy !req
100. Well, we want some goddamned
answers, that's what we want!Copy !req
101. Like why did you show
that smut instead ofCopy !req
102. the Terrance and Phillip
conclusion, you asshole?Copy !req
103. What's going on?Copy !req
104. We're complaining to
the Canada NetworkCopy !req
105. 'cause they put
something really gross on TV.Copy !req
106. You wanna tell me what's funny
about two women shooting airCopy !req
107. from their vagina
into a man's face?Copy !req
108. No, no, see, some of us were
eating when you showed that!Copy !req
109. I threw up
on my way home.Copy !req
110. Clyde threw up
on his way home!Copy !req
111. What makes you think you can
put that kind ofCopy !req
112. filth on television?Copy !req
113. You tell 'em, Cartman!Copy !req
114. What happened?Copy !req
115. They didn't show part two
of Terrance and Phillip!Copy !req
116. They replaced it
with the Queef Sisters!Copy !req
117. It was just 30 minutes of two
women queefing on people!Copy !req
118. Oh, what,
so farts are hystericalCopy !req
119. but queefs are gross?Copy !req
120. You know that little kids could
have been watching that!Copy !req
121. What kind of network are
you running there in Canada?Copy !req
122. Don't call me"buddy,"
I'm not your buddy!Copy !req
123. I can't believe
they're this upset.Copy !req
124. God, they're annoying.Copy !req
125. I don't even know
what a queef is.Copy !req
126. It's when a woman blows
air out her vag, Annie.Copy !req
127. Oh.Copy !req
128. You know that girl
Samantha Dunskin,Copy !req
129. she can make herself
queef whenever she wants.Copy !req
130. Really?Copy !req
131. Wait a minute,
I've got an idea.Copy !req
132. And to that end, by resorting
to filth and garbage,Copy !req
133. the Canada
Channel has thusly...Copy !req
134. Robbed us of our
innocence.Copy !req
135. Yes, that's good.Copy !req
136. "... robbed us of
our innocence..."Copy !req
137. Hey, guys, we have a
little surprise for you.Copy !req
138. What?Copy !req
139. Wahhghghhghghh!Copy !req
140. Ahgghghghgghghghgh!Copy !req
141. Butters?Copy !req
142. Oh, my God,
well, how is he doing?Copy !req
143. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
144. Okay, well, thank you
for telling me, Mr. Stotch.Copy !req
145. I'll spread the word.Copy !req
146. Yeah, you take care,
bye.Copy !req
147. We need to cancel
our plans, Sharon.Copy !req
148. There's gonna be an emergency
all-parent meetingCopy !req
149. at the school tonight.Copy !req
150. Why?
What happened?Copy !req
151. A girl at school,
she queefed onCopy !req
152. one of Stan's
friends today.Copy !req
153. So?Copy !req
154. Hey, pal.Copy !req
155. I heard about what
happened at school today.Copy !req
156. You wanna talk
about it?Copy !req
157. Butters was just
sitting there, Dad.Copy !req
158. He— he didn't even
know it was coming.Copy !req
159. I know, pal.Copy !req
160. Sometimes bad things
happen to good people.Copy !req
161. But, you know, Butters
is still ButtersCopy !req
162. and he needs you guys
right now more than anybody.Copy !req
163. It was so gross, Dad.Copy !req
164. I mean, what if another
girl at school tries to—Copy !req
165. Hey, we're getting all
the parents together.Copy !req
166. We're gonna
take care of this, okay?Copy !req
167. Nothing like this will
ever happen again.Copy !req
168. Okay, parents, some of you
have already heardCopy !req
169. but most of
you have not, m'kay.Copy !req
170. We've had a terrible incident
occur at the school.Copy !req
171. Apparently a young girlCopy !req
172. went up to a young boy
here at the school, m'kay,Copy !req
173. and queefed in his face.Copy !req
174. What?
Oh, my God!Copy !req
175. How did this happen?Copy !req
176. Where were
the teachers?Copy !req
177. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,
are you saying we're all hereCopy !req
178. just because a girl
queefed on a boy?Copy !req
179. Just?Copy !req
180. We're here to
find out why!Copy !req
181. The question is how do
we send a messageCopy !req
182. to other girls in the school
so this doesn't happen again?Copy !req
183. not happen again.Copy !req
184. Now hold on a minute.Copy !req
185. I think we're being
a little drastic here.Copy !req
186. You know, I probably see
a boy in my officeCopy !req
187. once a week for
farting on a girl.Copy !req
188. What does that have to
do with anything?Copy !req
189. Oh, my God!
This is ridiculous!
It's the same thing!Copy !req
190. Our next guests have really
taken America by storm.Copy !req
191. Their new hit show
is being tuned inCopy !req
192. by women
all over the world.Copy !req
193. Please welcome,
the Queef Sisters!Copy !req
194. Oh, hello, Regis!
Hello, Kelly!Copy !req
195. So, uh, gals, you seem to
really like queefing.Copy !req
196. Well, Reeg,
it's like this,Copy !req
197. we think that queefing
is a perfectly normalCopy !req
198. female bodily function.Copy !req
199. Why not have fun
with it?Copy !req
200. But I mean, really, isn't
queefing a bit juvenile?Copy !req
201. Men enjoy farts,Copy !req
202. so why shouldn't women
enjoy their queefs?Copy !req
203. That's right.Copy !req
204. We've written all aboot it
in our new feminist bookCopy !req
205. "Eat, Pray, Queef."Copy !req
206. Well, I think that what
you gals are doingCopy !req
207. for the feminist
movement is amazing!Copy !req
208. And that's why women all over
America stand behind you!Copy !req
209. Noooo!Copy !req
210. Terrance and Phillip,
you've put on a terrific showCopy !req
211. for many, many years.Copy !req
212. You've made Canada Channel
what it is today.Copy !req
213. You're fired.Copy !req
214. Fired?
Fired?Copy !req
215. Sorry, guys, but this queefing
thing is really catching on.Copy !req
216. Queef Sisters ratings
are through the roof.Copy !req
217. And to pay them
what they're asking,Copy !req
218. we've gotta get rid of you.Copy !req
219. Good-bye,
here's some cookies.Copy !req
220. Brian, don't do this!Copy !req
221. You can't let
Canada Channel be soiledCopy !req
222. by that perverse
garbage!Copy !req
223. You know it's sick!Copy !req
224. Yes, I know it's sick.Copy !req
225. To be honest, I gag every time
one of them lets out a queef.Copy !req
226. But it's money, goddamn it,
and this channel needs it.Copy !req
227. I'm sorry,
Terrance and Phillip.Copy !req
228. Your show is done.Copy !req
229. I always love when
Spring is on the way.Copy !req
230. Such a fun and inspiring
time to decorate.Copy !req
231. Just like most women out there,Copy !req
232. I've really gotten into
queefing lately.Copy !req
233. There's a lot of
fun and interesting waysCopy !req
234. we can decorate our queefsCopy !req
235. and just make them more
dynamic for the holidays.Copy !req
236. What we're gonna do is just
cut up some paper...Copy !req
237. like this.Copy !req
238. You can cut out little stars
or little moon shapes...Copy !req
239. and then just...
jam those... up.Copy !req
240. And then I've got some simple
little sparklesCopy !req
241. from the hobby store.Copy !req
242. They come in
a little tube,Copy !req
243. which make them very
easy to just...Copy !req
244. shoot...
right up the ol'...Copy !req
245. There we are.Copy !req
246. And, of course, you can feel
free to add little flowersCopy !req
247. or maybe some
festive Easter grass.Copy !req
248. But the point is that when
we're done,Copy !req
249. we can let one rip.Copy !req
250. See how pretty
that was?Copy !req
251. It's a good thing.Copy !req
252. What was that?Copy !req
253. Oh, excuse me, I—Copy !req
254. I had a little
air trapped.Copy !req
255. Oh, my God.Copy !req
256. Did you just—
at the table?Copy !req
257. Par-pardon me.Copy !req
258. Mom, gross!Copy !req
259. Okay, that's enough,
girls, all right?Copy !req
260. I mean,
how old are you, Sharon?Copy !req
261. I'm sorry, it's just—Copy !req
262. it's kind of funny
how much it bothers you.Copy !req
263. Oh, yeah, yeah,
that's really funny.Copy !req
264. Stop it, Mom.Copy !req
265. Yeah, okay, let's just try to
have a nice dinner, okay?Copy !req
266. Okay, okay,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.Copy !req
267. Sharon Marsh!Copy !req
268. Excuse me.Copy !req
269. Hey, Mom, do you
like Australia?Copy !req
270. 'Cause that was
a Great Barrier Queef!Copy !req
271. That's it, I'm leaving.Copy !req
272. I'm going too.Copy !req
273. Oh, oh, please, Randy!Copy !req
274. How many times have you
farted in the bedCopy !req
275. and held my head
under the covers?Copy !req
276. That's completely
different!Copy !req
277. Yeah, it's different, Mom!Copy !req
278. All right, tell me
exactly where the line is!Copy !req
279. Okay, how about this?Copy !req
280. I have a friend Abby.Copy !req
281. She had a baby boy
and it farted.Copy !req
282. Yeah...Copy !req
283. But she was actually still
pregnant with the baby boyCopy !req
284. and it farted inside her.Copy !req
285. Yeah...Copy !req
286. And then the gas
from the baby's fartCopy !req
287. traveled down and shot out
her vagina!Copy !req
288. Ha-ha!Copy !req
289. Come on, Stanley,
let's go.Copy !req
290. Oh, oh, so when does
that stop being funny?Copy !req
291. It stopped being funnyCopy !req
292. the second that air came
out her vagina, Sharon!Copy !req
293. Look, Katherine,
I made Queef Cookies!Copy !req
294. But those are just
gingersnaps, Katie!Copy !req
295. Could you get that,
Katie?Copy !req
296. Oh, my God,
look, Katherine!Copy !req
297. It's Canadian Television stars
Terrance and Phillip!Copy !req
298. Oh, my God,
they're famous!Copy !req
299. Oh, hello, sirs!Copy !req
300. It is such an honor
to meet you!Copy !req
301. Oh, Katie, I'm getting
all goose bumpy and queefy!Copy !req
302. Ooh!Copy !req
303. May we come in, please?Copy !req
304. Oh, certainly, though
I fear we look a mess!Copy !req
305. Pretty nice place
you have here.Copy !req
306. Network must be
paying you well.Copy !req
307. Oh, yes, the show is going
aboot as well as it could!Copy !req
308. All right, enough with
the queefing!Copy !req
309. We didn't come
for a social call!Copy !req
310. That's right,
we've come to kill you.Copy !req
311. Why kill us?
We love you!Copy !req
312. Because you've reduced
Canada ChannelCopy !req
313. to smut and toilet humor!Copy !req
314. Oh.Copy !req
315. Well, I suppose
if we're going to die,Copy !req
316. we should die by the hands
of our idols.Copy !req
317. Your idols?Copy !req
318. We grew up watching you.Copy !req
319. You meant
the world to us.Copy !req
320. We used to fantasize about
pleasing youCopy !req
321. in all different ways.Copy !req
322. Know that it is an honor
to die by your hand.Copy !req
323. I don't think I can
do it, Phillip.Copy !req
324. Why not?Copy !req
325. Because I'm suddenly
finding myselfCopy !req
326. strangely
attracted to Katherine.Copy !req
327. What?Copy !req
328. That's crazy, Terrance.Copy !req
329. Katie is obviously
the hot one.Copy !req
330. Ooohhh...Copy !req
331. ohohohhohh...Copy !req
332. Hey, Butters,
how you holdin' up, man?Copy !req
333. Aw... hey, fellas.Copy !req
334. We got you
a present, Butters.Copy !req
335. I'll put it here on your
nightstandCopy !req
336. 'cause none of us wanna touch
you since you got queefed on.Copy !req
337. Aw, thanks.Copy !req
338. Butters, I'm afraid
things have gotten worse.Copy !req
339. All the women suddenly
think that...Copy !req
340. queefing is funny.Copy !req
341. Ohhhh!Copy !req
342. Oh!Copy !req
343. Calm down, Butters!Copy !req
344. The men are
taking action.Copy !req
345. But we need to take
your picture.Copy !req
346. My picture?Copy !req
347. You're going to be the face
of queef abuse, Butters.Copy !req
348. So that we can make
people open their eyes.Copy !req
349. Ahh!Copy !req
350. Damn it, I'm trying to
enjoy my wine, Katie!Copy !req
351. No, that was me, Phillip,
I farted.Copy !req
352. Oh, ha ha ahahah!Copy !req
353. Hahhahaahh!Copy !req
354. Oh, this is
a dream come true!Copy !req
355. I've always wanted to
meet you, Phillip!Copy !req
356. Phillip?
I'm Terrance!Copy !req
357. What?Copy !req
358. I thought you
were Terrance!Copy !req
359. No, I'm Phillip!Copy !req
360. Oh, dear.Copy !req
361. A disgusting
and violating trendCopy !req
362. is taking over our city,
our state, our nation.Copy !req
363. Queefing has become
an acceptable evil.Copy !req
364. "Last week at our... school,"Copy !req
365. "a girl queefed right
into our friend's face."Copy !req
366. "That is why we are here
to tell you,"Copy !req
367. "it's not a joke."Copy !req
368. "On television,
us children are starting"Copy !req
369. "to see and hear more and more
graphic queefing."Copy !req
370. I would like to
take this opportunityCopy !req
371. to explain why farts are funny
and queefs are not.Copy !req
372. Men have always
joked about fartsCopy !req
373. and we, in fact,
name our farts.Copy !req
374. We have the"Squeaker."Copy !req
375. And then there's
the"Fog Horn."Copy !req
376. And the"Don't Be Scared."Copy !req
377. And of course
there's the—Copy !req
378. Excuse me!Copy !req
379. If that really
is your argument,Copy !req
380. it isn't a very sound one.Copy !req
381. Women name their
queefs too.Copy !req
382. That's right!
Yeah, that's right!
Of course we do!Copy !req
383. For instance, we have
the"Sneezing Unicorn."Copy !req
384. And the"Resuscitator."Copy !req
385. Sick!
Stop it, lady!Copy !req
386. That's not the same!Copy !req
387. We've got the
"Chinese Firecracker."Copy !req
388. That's all well and good,Copy !req
389. but we can do
"The Road Warrior."Copy !req
390. NOOOO!Copy !req
391. We go innnnn!Copy !req
392. We killll!Copy !req
393. No more talk!
We killll!Copy !req
394. Soon my dog of war!Copy !req
395. But we have to
do it my way!Copy !req
396. Losers!
Losers wait!Copy !req
397. Ahghghgghh!
Ahghghgghh!
Ahghghgghh!Copy !req
398. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
399. You stupid bitch!Copy !req
400. What the fuck is
wrong with you?Copy !req
401. I'm not your sex toy,
you fucking pig!Copy !req
402. You don't queef in bed
while we're having sex!Copy !req
403. Fuck you, you don't
fucking slap me!Copy !req
404. Could you please
keep it down?Copy !req
405. We're trying to
have sex over here.Copy !req
406. She queefed while we were
having sex, Terrance!Copy !req
407. Sick!Copy !req
408. What's the big deal?Copy !req
409. I've been queefing in this
bed the entire time!Copy !req
410. What?
Gross!Copy !req
411. How dare you?Copy !req
412. Ahh!Copy !req
413. Get out!
Get out, both of you!Copy !req
414. We never want to
see you again!Copy !req
415. After everything
we've been through?Copy !req
416. What the hell
am I going to do, Phillip?Copy !req
417. She makes me so mad
sometimes.Copy !req
418. Katherine just won't
stop queefing.Copy !req
419. But I don't know if
I can live without her.Copy !req
420. Katie, I'm sorry.Copy !req
421. I was wrong.Copy !req
422. Me too, Katherine.Copy !req
423. I don't love
your queefs,Copy !req
424. but, damn it,
I love you.Copy !req
425. Oh, Terrance!
Phillip!Copy !req
426. Oh, my God!Copy !req
427. Oh, my God, Stan!Copy !req
428. Stan, we did it!Copy !req
429. Colorado Senate moves
to ban queefing!Copy !req
430. No way, we did it?Copy !req
431. Yeah!
All right, son!Copy !req
432. Yeah!Copy !req
433. What's going on?Copy !req
434. Ha— read it
and weep, Sharon!Copy !req
435. No more queefing!Copy !req
436. Well...
congratulations, guys.Copy !req
437. Looks like you got us.Copy !req
438. Good job.Copy !req
439. Aw, come on, just 'cause
you can't queef anymore...Copy !req
440. You really think women cared
that much about queefing?Copy !req
441. Is that really
what you think thisCopy !req
442. has all been about?Copy !req
443. This has been about women
having a little bit of funCopy !req
444. for once at your expense.Copy !req
445. For just this one time,
we could be the immature onesCopy !req
446. to make you feel
uncomfortable.Copy !req
447. But, no, you just
couldn't let us haveCopy !req
448. that one little thing,
could you?Copy !req
449. Because even though things
are getting better for women,Copy !req
450. you still think of us as
lesser people sometimesCopy !req
451. and we always have to
prove ourselves twice as hard.Copy !req
452. Congratulations, guys,Copy !req
453. for getting your way...
again.Copy !req
454. Mom, we didn't mean...Copy !req
455. Boy, oh, boy...Copy !req
456. I think we might have
screwed up royal, Stan.Copy !req
457. Yeah, we all got so
caught up in how we feltCopy !req
458. that we didn't realize
women actually caredCopy !req
459. about something
a lot deeper.Copy !req
460. Stan, let's call
the guys together.Copy !req
461. Maybe we can make
this right.Copy !req
462. For this reason,Copy !req
463. a man will leave
his father and motherCopy !req
464. and be united to his wifeCopy !req
465. and the two will
become one flesh.Copy !req
466. No!Copy !req
467. Stop it, Katherine!Copy !req
468. This is a serious
moment!Copy !req
469. Therefore what God has joined
together let no man—Copy !req
470. Aghgh!Copy !req
471. Oh, sick!Copy !req
472. That's it!Copy !req
473. I now pronounce you
farts and queefs!Copy !req
474. Captioning made possible by
Comedy CentralCopy !req
475. Captioned by
Soundwriters™Copy !req