1. Captioning made possible byCopy !req
2. Do I really have to
do this, Dad?Copy !req
3. Stan, now more than ever,Copy !req
4. you need to understand the
importance of saving money.Copy !req
5. But Grandma said
I could use this moneyCopy !req
6. to buy whatever I want.Copy !req
7. Okay, next please!Copy !req
8. Go on, Stanley.Copy !req
9. How can I help you,
young man?Copy !req
10. I got a $100 check
from my grandmaCopy !req
11. and my dad said
I need to put in the bankCopy !req
12. so it can grow over
the years.Copy !req
13. Well, that's fantastic.Copy !req
14. A really smart decision,
young man.Copy !req
15. We can put that check in
a money-market mutual fund,Copy !req
16. then we'll reinvest
the earnings intoCopy !req
17. foreign-currency accountsCopy !req
18. with compounding interest
and it's gone!Copy !req
19. Uh, what?Copy !req
20. It's gone,
it's all gone.Copy !req
21. What's all gone?Copy !req
22. The money in your account,
it didn't do too well.Copy !req
23. It's gone.Copy !req
24. What do you mean?
I have $100.Copy !req
25. Not anymore
you don't— poof.Copy !req
26. Well, what can I do
to get back my—Copy !req
27. I'm sorry, sir,
but this line is forCopy !req
28. bank members only.Copy !req
29. I just opened
an account!Copy !req
30. Do you have any money
invested with this bank?Copy !req
31. No, you just lost it all.Copy !req
32. Then please stand asideCopy !req
33. for people who actually
have money with us.Copy !req
34. Next please!Copy !req
35. Hey!Copy !req
36. Hello, Mrs. Farnickle,
how are you today?Copy !req
37. Making a deposit are we?Copy !req
38. Great, we can just put that
into your retirement accountCopy !req
39. and make it go to work
for you and it's gone.Copy !req
40. What?Copy !req
41. Sorry, yeah, that's gone.Copy !req
42. Please step aside for
people who actuallyCopy !req
43. have money
with the bank.Copy !req
44. Next please.
Dad!Copy !req
45. Hey, I'm trying to teach my son
the importance of savings!Copy !req
46. You already
lost his money?Copy !req
47. Oh, Mr. Marsh,Copy !req
48. don't worry, we can just
transfer moneyCopy !req
49. from your account into
a portfolio with your son's—Copy !req
50. aaaand it's gone!Copy !req
51. This line is for people who
have money with the bank only.Copy !req
52. Please step aside!Copy !req
53. This is a 9 News Special Report.Copy !req
54. An economic crisis
has hit South ParkCopy !req
55. and the nation
like never before.Copy !req
56. Another South Park bank
has closed down,Copy !req
57. leaving thousands
of people in debt.Copy !req
58. It's just crazy,
you know?Copy !req
59. Everyone's affected by it.Copy !req
60. It's like all
the money just vanished.Copy !req
61. It's really terrifying.Copy !req
62. We've got no money to
pay our mortgage now.Copy !req
63. We could very easily
lose our house.Copy !req
64. Hi, Grandma!Copy !req
65. First the money
started goin'Copy !req
66. and now everyone's
gettin' laid off work!Copy !req
67. They took our jobs!Copy !req
68. Derk er derrrrrr!Copy !req
69. Deeerkerrdrrr!
Deeerkerrrrrrdrrrr!Copy !req
70. Just how far will
the economy fall?Copy !req
71. We asked economic reporter
Dan Banks for his assessment.Copy !req
72. We'll have the rest of Dan's
interview tonight at 10.Copy !req
73. All right, everyone,
eat up.Copy !req
74. Oh, Jesus Christ.Copy !req
75. Sliced hot dogs
and tomato slices?Copy !req
76. You said we had to be
careful with our money.Copy !req
77. I've got nothing for
a food budget!Copy !req
78. Mom, Dad, how come
there's suddenly no money?Copy !req
79. I'll tell you
what happened, son.Copy !req
80. See, there's a bunch
of idiots out thereCopy !req
81. who weren't happy
with what they had.Copy !req
82. They wanted a bigger house
and materialistic thingsCopy !req
83. that they didn't even need—Copy !req
84. people with no money who got
loans to buy frivolous thingsCopy !req
85. they had no business buying.Copy !req
86. And these assholes just
blindly started buyingCopy !req
87. any stupid thing
that looked appealingCopy !req
88. because they thought money
was endless.Copy !req
89. It goes back to when the
government had the ideaCopy !req
90. that everyone in America
deserves to own a house...Copy !req
91. So we have people having a hard
time paying their loans,Copy !req
92. meaning less money coming in.Copy !req
93. And the idiots couldn't
see that by doingCopy !req
94. all this frivolous spending
they were mocking The Economy.Copy !req
95. And they made The Economy
very angry.Copy !req
96. We're all feeling
The Economy's vengeanceCopy !req
97. because of materialistic
heathensCopy !req
98. who did stupid
things with their money.Copy !req
99. Do you understand, son?Copy !req
100. Yeah, I think I get it.Copy !req
101. And so why is our
economy failing us?Copy !req
102. Because the government
kept interest ratesCopy !req
103. too low for too long!Copy !req
104. The government took
our economy for grantedCopy !req
105. and now we are all here
paying the price!Copy !req
106. How long will we sit
and watch our economy fall...Copy !req
107. And so I say to you,Copy !req
108. do not listen to
the Wall Street brokers,Copy !req
109. for they are the ones who put us
in this situation!Copy !req
110. Fat cats with corporate greed.Copy !req
111. They are the ones who knowingly
drove us down this pathway...Copy !req
112. Where has all the money gone?Copy !req
113. It must have
gone somewhere.Copy !req
114. The answer is obvious,
my friends.Copy !req
115. It is the Jews—Copy !req
116. covetous Jews,
who have taken all our moneyCopy !req
117. and hoarded it for
themselves,Copy !req
118. hidden all the cash
in some... secret Jew caveCopy !req
119. that they built probably
back in the early '60s.Copy !req
120. It is The Jews, my friends...Copy !req
121. Now we hear all different peopleCopy !req
122. casting all different
kinds of blameCopy !req
123. from person to person.Copy !req
124. But the fault lies
in all of you.Copy !req
125. You, who bought
that $300,000 houseCopy !req
126. when you only had 20,000
to put down.Copy !req
127. You, who bought that third carCopy !req
128. even though only two people
in your home drive.Copy !req
129. It is time to
stop pointing fingers!Copy !req
130. Finger-pointing gets us
nowhere!Copy !req
131. Steve!Copy !req
132. We have mocked our Economy,Copy !req
133. and now The Economy has cast
its vengeance upon us all.Copy !req
134. He's right.Copy !req
135. This is the first guy to
actually make sense.Copy !req
136. Yea, it is an angry
and unforgiving Economy.Copy !req
137. To repent, we must stop
frivolous spending.Copy !req
138. Instead of paying for
cable, let us watch clouds!Copy !req
139. Instead of buying clothes, wear
but sheets from thine beds!Copy !req
140. Cut spending to only
the bare essentials:Copy !req
141. water and bread
and Margaritas, yea.Copy !req
142. Hello, young man,
welcome to Sur La Table.Copy !req
143. Can I help you?Copy !req
144. Yeah, I wanna return this
MargaritavilleCopy !req
145. my stupid dad bought.Copy !req
146. Oh, that's all
we get anymore, returns.Copy !req
147. Could you please just put
the receipt hereCopy !req
148. on this table?Copy !req
149. Sorry, our computers are
a little slow today.Copy !req
150. We need a new
Ethernet cable.Copy !req
151. Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I'd like
to give you a refundCopy !req
152. but I'm afraid
it's not doable.Copy !req
153. What?Copy !req
154. I said I'm not able, sir.Copy !req
155. You see, this Margaritaville
was purchasedCopy !req
156. with a payment plan.
So?Copy !req
157. Well, an outside
financing companyCopy !req
158. handles those payment plans.Copy !req
159. Customers just pay
for some of the machineCopy !req
160. and the finance company
pays for the rest.Copy !req
161. Well, can't I just return it
and get the moneyCopy !req
162. my dad put in back?Copy !req
163. Hmm... that's improbable
but not impossible.Copy !req
164. I'm not really
sure how it works.Copy !req
165. You'll have to speak with
the people at the top.Copy !req
166. I can give you
the finance company's addressCopy !req
167. if that's agreeable
with you.Copy !req
168. We have become lovers
of pleasureCopy !req
169. rather than
lovers of The Economy.Copy !req
170. There are those who will
say that The EconomyCopy !req
171. has forsaken us.Copy !req
172. Nay, you hath forsaken
The Economy!Copy !req
173. And now you know
The Economy's wrath.Copy !req
174. Oh, thoust can shop in
a sporting-goods storeCopy !req
175. but knowest thou that
The Economy will take awayCopy !req
176. thy Broncos cap from
thine head.Copy !req
177. You mocked
The Economy without fear.Copy !req
178. Thine own stock brokersCopy !req
179. now lie dead
by their own hand.Copy !req
180. And thou knowest that
thy stock brokerCopy !req
181. did not fear The Economy!Copy !req
182. Well, here we
are, my friends.Copy !req
183. You have brought The Economy's
vengeance upon yourselves.Copy !req
184. What can we do, Randy?Copy !req
185. Yes, tell us!
Tell us, what to do?Copy !req
186. Tell us, Randy,
what we should do!
What do we do, Randy?Copy !req
187. We must all wear sheets
instead of buying clothesCopy !req
188. that need detergent.Copy !req
189. Instead of cars that
take gasoline,Copy !req
190. we can get around on
llamas from Drake's farm!Copy !req
191. Instead of video games that
take batteries and softwareCopy !req
192. our kids will play
with squirrels!Copy !req
193. We must let The Economy knowCopy !req
194. that we are capable of
respecting it!Copy !req
195. No more needless spending!Copy !req
196. The Economy
is our shepherd.Copy !req
197. We shall not want.Copy !req
198. Mornin', Ted.Copy !req
199. Mornin', Al.Copy !req
200. Well, this sucks.Copy !req
201. Sure was better when our
parents were buying us stuff.Copy !req
202. Heghgh!Copy !req
203. Of all the times for
people to decideCopy !req
204. to stop buying things,Copy !req
205. it had to be
the week thatCopy !req
206. Grand Theft Auto 4 comes out
for Nintendo DS!Copy !req
207. Heghgh!Copy !req
208. You want something new
every week, fat ass.Copy !req
209. Don't you fraternize me!Copy !req
210. This is all your
fault, you know!Copy !req
211. My fault?Copy !req
212. The Jews took all
the money away and they—Copy !req
213. Don't even start!
Don't even start, Cartman!Copy !req
214. Well, why are we wearing
bed sheetsCopy !req
215. and playing with
squirrels, Kyle?Copy !req
216. Not because of
the Jews, Butters!Copy !req
217. Who told you that?Copy !req
218. Well, Eric did.Copy !req
219. Just tell us where
the cave is, Kyle.Copy !req
220. Now, look... the reason we're
in this situationCopy !req
221. is because people
are being stupid!Copy !req
222. The Economy isn't some
vengeful beingCopy !req
223. that takes
things away from us!Copy !req
224. The Economy is just
made up of people.Copy !req
225. And people have just
lost their faith in it!Copy !req
226. What people really should be
doing is spending more.Copy !req
227. Spending is fine!Copy !req
228. We best speak with
the council.Copy !req
229. Tell them a young JewCopy !req
230. is speaking heresy
towards The Economy.Copy !req
231. Can I help you?Copy !req
232. I wanna return this
Margaritaville.Copy !req
233. Okay, let me
send you into Josh.Copy !req
234. Hey, Welcome to
Big Orange Finance company!Copy !req
235. Yeah, have a seat.Copy !req
236. You want some
Carmex?Copy !req
237. No thanks.Copy !req
238. I wanna return this
MargaritavilleCopy !req
239. and the guy at
Sur La Table saidCopy !req
240. that you're the company
that financed it.Copy !req
241. Ooh, yeah,
no, you know what,Copy !req
242. no... yeah...Copy !req
243. What?Copy !req
244. Yeah, we can't give you your
money back for that,Copy !req
245. yeah, no.Copy !req
246. You'd have to talk to the
people on Wall Street, yeah.Copy !req
247. Wall Street?Copy !req
248. Yeah, no, see,
what I do is find AmericansCopy !req
249. who want a frozen-beverage
machineCopy !req
250. but can't afford oneCopy !req
251. and I hook them up with
investors who want toCopy !req
252. get into the Margaritaville
payment-plan business, yeah.Copy !req
253. So?Copy !req
254. Yeah, so the problem is your
Margaritaville payment planCopy !req
255. has been combined
with thousands of othersCopy !req
256. into one big Margaritaville
security, yeah, no.Copy !req
257. Yeah, no... yeah.Copy !req
258. The entire town has given over
to your ways, Mr. Chairman.Copy !req
259. Everyone has even
stopped using electricityCopy !req
260. so as to stop paying
electrical bills.Copy !req
261. You've really done an
amazing thing, Mr. Marsh.Copy !req
262. People have learned to
hold on to their moneyCopy !req
263. so as not to
feel the stingCopy !req
264. of The Economy's
mighty sword.Copy !req
265. I am pretty smart, yea.Copy !req
266. But I have assembled this
Economic CommitteeCopy !req
267. to make sure that
everyone sticks to my new plan.Copy !req
268. We've got guards posted
at the mallsCopy !req
269. to make sure nobody gets
tempted to buy dumb stuff.Copy !req
270. And Pat Saltzman is doing
house checks to make sureCopy !req
271. nobody's ordering anything
stupid on-line.Copy !req
272. Then perhaps soon our
Economy will return to us.Copy !req
273. Council, I bring news
of discord!Copy !req
274. A young Jew was
in the town squareCopy !req
275. speaking blasphemy
about The Economy.Copy !req
276. What?Copy !req
277. He was saying that
your ideas are falseCopy !req
278. and The Economy is not
vengeful!Copy !req
279. He was rallying
people to spend more!Copy !req
280. Spend more?Copy !req
281. What mockery is this?Copy !req
282. Relax, Father Maxi.Copy !req
283. What harm can one Jew
do against ourCopy !req
284. Economic Recovery Movement?Copy !req
285. I had a dream
last night.Copy !req
286. I was in a field,Copy !req
287. and I had Grand Theft Auto:
Chinatown WarsCopy !req
288. right next to me.Copy !req
289. But then
the sky went blackCopy !req
290. and Grand Theft Auto:
Chinatown WarsCopy !req
291. just melted in my hands.Copy !req
292. What's that?Copy !req
293. Excuse me, we need to
borrow your squirrels!Copy !req
294. What?Copy !req
295. No, please, please!Copy !req
296. You have sinned!Copy !req
297. Oh, Jesus,
I'm sorry, please!Copy !req
298. What's going on?Copy !req
299. Garrison, you have brought
your filth to this townCopy !req
300. for the last time!Copy !req
301. What did he do?Copy !req
302. Your teacher was caught buying
a KitchenAid stand mixerCopy !req
303. at Bed Bath & Beyond.Copy !req
304. Take thy punishment,
heathen!Copy !req
305. Ahghghgghgh!Copy !req
306. Hey, hey,
stop it, stop!Copy !req
307. Move aside, kid, he must
pay for his stand mixer!Copy !req
308. Come on, this is
ridiculous!Copy !req
309. What's ridiculous
about hucking squirrelsCopy !req
310. at a man who has angered
The Economy?Copy !req
311. Just have a little
compassion, huh?Copy !req
312. I mean, everyone's gone out
and bought something stupid.Copy !req
313. It's not so bad.Copy !req
314. Whichever of you guys
has neverCopy !req
315. bought anything frivolousCopy !req
316. go ahead and huck
the next squirrel.Copy !req
317. Ugh!Copy !req
318. Excuse me?Copy !req
319. Excuse me?Copy !req
320. I'd like to return this
Margaritaville please.Copy !req
321. Margaritaville?Copy !req
322. My dad bought it
on a payment planCopy !req
323. that was set up by
a finance companyCopy !req
324. which got their principal
investors from somebody here.Copy !req
325. Oh, that makes sense.Copy !req
326. It does?Copy !req
327. You see, son, we lumped
thousands of theseCopy !req
328. Margaritaville
installment plans togetherCopy !req
329. into Margaritaville-based
securities,Copy !req
330. then chopped those
securities up in a wayCopy !req
331. that we could sell
them to banks.Copy !req
332. So I can return it
to a bank?Copy !req
333. Nope.Copy !req
334. Because a bunch of people
like you are defaultingCopy !req
335. on their Margaritavilles
so the Government had to buyCopy !req
336. the Margaritaville assets
from the banks.Copy !req
337. What?Copy !req
338. Just talk to the Treasury
Department in DC.Copy !req
339. They're the ones who really
understand how all this works.Copy !req
340. Oh, sell, sell, sell, sell,
sell, sell, sell!Copy !req
341. Agh!Copy !req
342. Listen, this is
all you need to know.Copy !req
343. The Economy is not
a supernatural,Copy !req
344. all-knowing entity.Copy !req
345. The Economy is just an idea
made up by peopleCopy !req
346. thousands of years ago.Copy !req
347. The Economy
is not realCopy !req
348. and yet it is real.Copy !req
349. Nowadays they'll
give credit cardsCopy !req
350. to practically anyone who
applies for them.Copy !req
351. I applied for this
yesterday to prove a point.Copy !req
352. It is an American Express
Platinum card.Copy !req
353. It has no spending limit.Copy !req
354. Do not be afraid.Copy !req
355. This is only plastic.Copy !req
356. It's just something
made up by people.Copy !req
357. Truly meaningless until
we put our faith in it.Copy !req
358. Faith is what makes
an Economy exist.Copy !req
359. Without faith...Copy !req
360. it is only plastic cards
and paper money.Copy !req
361. By all reports...Copy !req
362. the young Jew
is not letting up.Copy !req
363. He is still going around
convincing peopleCopy !req
364. to have faith in
The Economy by shopping.Copy !req
365. We've done everything we canCopy !req
366. and yet The Economy
has not improved.Copy !req
367. Worse, it has declined.Copy !req
368. Poor Bart here just
lost his jobCopy !req
369. at Little Caesars Pizza.Copy !req
370. Our tireless work is obviously
being underminedCopy !req
371. by this one Jew.Copy !req
372. Why does he go around
pretending to knowCopy !req
373. the true will
of The Economy?Copy !req
374. Perhaps, he is The Economy's
only son, sent to save us.Copy !req
375. Are you retarded,
Stotch?Copy !req
376. The Economy is omnipotent,Copy !req
377. which means it
can do anything.Copy !req
378. So saying it would be
limited to one sonCopy !req
379. is fucking stupid!Copy !req
380. That is stupid, yea.Copy !req
381. And going around telling people
to shop is dangerous.Copy !req
382. Well, then there's
only one option.Copy !req
383. We have to
kill the Jew.Copy !req
384. Yep, I think we gotta
kill the Jew.Copy !req
385. I don't know.Copy !req
386. He's got a lot
of support.Copy !req
387. It might be hard to
even catch this Jew.Copy !req
388. Did somebody say
catch a Jew?Copy !req
389. The person you're
after might be hard getCopy !req
390. but I can bring him
to you.Copy !req
391. And all I want in returnCopy !req
392. is Grand Theft Auto:
Chinatown WarsCopy !req
393. for hand-held Nintendo DS.Copy !req
394. Uh, how can we help you,
young man?Copy !req
395. I want to return
this Margaritaville!Copy !req
396. My dad bought it on
a payment planCopy !req
397. set up by a finance company
that got investors from
Wall StreetCopy !req
398. who combined it into
securities sold to banksCopy !req
399. who transferred
it to you!Copy !req
400. Oh, that makes sense.Copy !req
401. Ahghgh!Copy !req
402. No problem.Copy !req
403. We just need to consult
the chart.Copy !req
404. We can determine
your property's valueCopy !req
405. and we'll be done.Copy !req
406. Really?Copy !req
407. Thank you.Copy !req
408. Be right back.Copy !req
409. Excellent news, sir.Copy !req
410. We've determined
the investment valueCopy !req
411. of your Margaritaville
to be $90 trillion.Copy !req
412. What?Copy !req
413. Hey, what's the matter,
Kyle?Copy !req
414. You seem b-b-bummed out.Copy !req
415. I just have a feeling
this might be the last timeCopy !req
416. we get to do this.Copy !req
417. Well, don't worry, Kyle.Copy !req
418. We're not gonna let
people kill you.Copy !req
419. We'll keep you
hidden forever!Copy !req
420. I can't just hide
my whole life, Butters.Copy !req
421. And besides, I have this
strange feelingCopy !req
422. that one of you is
gonna totally betray me.Copy !req
423. All right, whoever is thinking
of betraying Kyle,Copy !req
424. that is not cool.Copy !req
425. That's freakin'
lame, dude.Copy !req
426. Kyle's trying to get
the economy going again.Copy !req
427. If somebody's thinking of
stabbing him in the back,Copy !req
428. you're being a dick.Copy !req
429. Go ahead, Kyle.Copy !req
430. Whoever it might
happen to be...Copy !req
431. I'm not giving
him the opportunity.Copy !req
432. Tomorrow I'm going to
do something.Copy !req
433. Something I've
known I would have to doCopy !req
434. to restore people's faith.Copy !req
435. Kyle, please,
for f-f-f-fuck's sake,Copy !req
436. don't do anything drastic.Copy !req
437. There's no choice
any more, guys.Copy !req
438. Don't worry about me.Copy !req
439. I've been preparing for
this for a while now.Copy !req
440. No, no, no, no,
excuse me!Copy !req
441. I don't understand!Copy !req
442. How can this stupid thing
be worth $90 trillion?Copy !req
443. What, you think
it's worth more?Copy !req
444. No, dude, that doesn't
make sense!Copy !req
445. Well, you don't get
$90 trillionCopy !req
446. but the chart says
that's what it's worth.Copy !req
447. Uh-oh, problem!
Problem again!Copy !req
448. What is it now?Copy !req
449. Another insurance company
is about to go under.Copy !req
450. If they do, people
could lose millions.Copy !req
451. Okay, no problem, we better
consult the chart!Copy !req
452. Sirs, another insurance
company is going under!Copy !req
453. Now determining most prudent
move for insurance company!Copy !req
454. Bailout!Copy !req
455. The most prudent move
is a bailout!Copy !req
456. Bailout the insurance
company!Copy !req
457. It's a miracle.Copy !req
458. Why would someone
do this?Copy !req
459. What is this?
What is going on?Copy !req
460. There, look.Copy !req
461. It's the Jew.Copy !req
462. Somehow he got a platinum
Amex with no spending limit.Copy !req
463. What's he doing?Copy !req
464. He's paying for
everyone's debts.Copy !req
465. Hey, thanks, kid, this is
really nice of you.Copy !req
466. But that's impossible.Copy !req
467. Why would he
do this?Copy !req
468. So that people
have money to spend.Copy !req
469. Kyle— Kyle, you have to
stop this!Copy !req
470. It's okay, ma.Copy !req
471. No, Kyle, you'll be in debt
for the rest of your life!Copy !req
472. Please, somebody,
get him to stop!Copy !req
473. Uh, there's about
$17,000 worth here.Copy !req
474. He paid for our debts so
we could spend once more.Copy !req
475. He's dead.Copy !req
476. No, he's just passed out.Copy !req
477. We should get him
to bed.Copy !req
478. For the first time
in almost a yearCopy !req
479. The Economy in South Park
has taken a smallCopy !req
480. but noticeable upturn.Copy !req
481. Stores and shopping malls
are open againCopy !req
482. as newly debt-free people
feel safe to make purchases.Copy !req
483. Wow, the new
Margaritaville!Copy !req
484. With salsa dispenser!Copy !req
485. Just pour your favorite
salsa in the topCopy !req
486. and it comes out
the dispenser at the bottom!Copy !req
487. Oh, we need this!Copy !req
488. Are we out of
the woods yet?Copy !req
489. Only time will tell.Copy !req
490. But we must not forget
the sacrifice one person madeCopy !req
491. to restore our faithCopy !req
492. and make us believe in
the economy once again.Copy !req
493. The person we must thank
every dayCopy !req
494. for his amazing sacrifice—Copy !req
495. Barack Obama.Copy !req
496. Aw, come on!Copy !req
497. Captioning made possible byCopy !req
498. Captioned by
Soundwriters™Copy !req