1. - Good morning,
South Park Elementary.Copy !req
2. These are
the morning announcements.Copy !req
3. Parent/teacher conferences
begin next Thursday.Copy !req
4. If you have not yet done so,Copy !req
5. please turn in your
parents' requested time sheetsCopy !req
6. by the end
of fifth period today.Copy !req
7. Lunch today will be a choice
of chicken tostadasCopy !req
8. or spaghetti with
a marinara sauce and side salad.Copy !req
9. Attention, fourth graders,Copy !req
10. the fall registration
for glee club starts tomorrow.Copy !req
11. Any interested students
should fill out a—Copy !req
12. Whoa!
What's going on?Copy !req
13. - I'll kill you!
I swear to god, I'll kill you!Copy !req
14. - Who are you?Copy !req
15. - I'm the man who's gonna put
a bullet between your eyes!Copy !req
16. - Hey, he's got a gun!Copy !req
17. - You little bastard!Copy !req
18. You fucked my wife!
You think I wouldn't find out?Copy !req
19. - Sir, please, I don't know you.
- Yeah, right!Copy !req
20. - All right, what the hell
is going on here?Copy !req
21. You, sir,
need to leave this area—Copy !req
22. - Oh, God, he shot him!Copy !req
23. - You had to push me,
didn't you?Copy !req
24. Now you!Copy !req
25. - Aah!
Sir, I truly don't know—Copy !req
26. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
27. - There!Copy !req
28. How does it feel, huh?Copy !req
29. - Please, I don't know you!Copy !req
30. - You're Gordon Saltski, right?Copy !req
31. Truck driver from Chicago?Copy !req
32. - No, I'm Gordon Stoltski,Copy !req
33. third grader who reads
the morning announcements!Copy !req
34. - Yeah, right.
We'll see if that's true.Copy !req
35. Go on, read
the morning announcements!Copy !req
36. - Somebody help me!Copy !req
37. - I said do it!Copy !req
38. - Aah! Aah!Copy !req
39. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
40. Any—any interested studentsCopy !req
41. should fill out
an applicant survey—Copy !req
42. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
43. - I knew you were lying!Copy !req
44. That was terrible!Copy !req
45. Now put your mouth
over the barrel of this gun.Copy !req
46. - No, please.
I'm so scared.Copy !req
47. I'm so scared.
- Do it!Copy !req
48. - Please!Copy !req
49. I-I'll do whatever you say!
Here, here, see?Copy !req
50. I got my mouth on the—Copy !req
51. - Look at you now.Copy !req
52. We're all dead.Copy !req
53. - We will always remember
the way that Gordon bravely readCopy !req
54. the announcements
every morning,Copy !req
55. led us in the Pledge
of Allegiance, mm-kay,Copy !req
56. and touched many kids' lives
here at the school.Copy !req
57. And even though we now know that
the shooter had him confusedCopy !req
58. with a 40-year-old truck driverCopy !req
59. who happened to have
a similar name,Copy !req
60. I know this has been
pretty traumatizing, mm-kay?Copy !req
61. But now we must decide
who will pick upCopy !req
62. where little Gordon left off?Copy !req
63. Who will take his place reading
the morning announcements?Copy !req
64. It's a big responsibility,Copy !req
65. because it will be your voiceCopy !req
66. the entire school
listens to, mm-kay?Copy !req
67. And although Gordon Stoltski
can never be replaced, mm-kay,Copy !req
68. there must be
a student out thereCopy !req
69. who has the drive
and the passionCopy !req
70. to have his or her voice heard
every morning.Copy !req
71. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
72. So you're, uh, trying outCopy !req
73. to be the morning-announcement
person as well?Copy !req
74. - Yeah.Copy !req
75. I think it would be really
f-f-f-funCopy !req
76. and r-r-r-raise
my self-es-es-es-esteem.Copy !req
77. - Oh, this is it, huh?Copy !req
78. Okay, uh, Mike, why don't we
have you try out first?Copy !req
79. He stutters like a bitch.Copy !req
80. I've got this job in the bag.Copy !req
81. Who are you?Copy !req
82. - My name is Casey Miller,Copy !req
83. and I'm in the third grade.Copy !req
84. Ever since I can remember,Copy !req
85. people have told me I should
read the morning announcements.Copy !req
86. My friends always said to me,Copy !req
87. "Dear Casey, your voice
is like butter to our ears.Copy !req
88. "Could you please find a way
to get that audible chocolateCopy !req
89. on the airwaves?"Copy !req
90. Well, here I am.Copy !req
91. And hopefully I'll be the kid
with the job.Copy !req
92. - Mm-kay, really nice, Mike.Copy !req
93. Uh, maybe next time,
you can get past the first word.Copy !req
94. Oh, Casey Miller, good.Copy !req
95. You're trying out too?Copy !req
96. - I'm trying out
and drying outCopy !req
97. in the sultry summer sun
that is my voice.Copy !req
98. - Mm-kay, Eric,
you want to go next?Copy !req
99. Mm-kay, Eric,
I'm just gonna have you readCopy !req
100. this piece of paper.Copy !req
101. - Mr. Mackey,
what's a moronic jizz rag?Copy !req
102. - What?Copy !req
103. What on earth
are you asking me that for?Copy !req
104. - Well, it's just that...Copy !req
105. That's what that Casey kid said
about your hairpiece.Copy !req
106. - Get lost,
you little dirt ball!Copy !req
107. - Excuse me?Copy !req
108. - I said take a hike!Copy !req
109. - I don't understand
what I did wrong.Copy !req
110. - Beat it!
You're not getting the job!Copy !req
111. - Good morning,
South Park Elementary.Copy !req
112. These are
the morning announcements,Copy !req
113. and I am Eric Cartman.Copy !req
114. All forms
for the school book driveCopy !req
115. must be handed in
to Mr. Davis in the libraryCopy !req
116. by the end
of the school day today.Copy !req
117. Doesn't seem like they gave us
a lot of notice on that, okay.Copy !req
118. Oh, well.Copy !req
119. For lunch today,Copy !req
120. the cafeteria will be serving
a selection of cold sandwiches.Copy !req
121. Cold sandwiches—Copy !req
122. Oh, well, thank you so much.Copy !req
123. Remember when we used to be
served hot food?Copy !req
124. I mean, what has happened
to our school?Copy !req
125. This school is transforming
into something very bad and why?Copy !req
126. Because we have leadership
that doesn't care.Copy !req
127. I'm talking, of course, about
our student body president,Copy !req
128. Wendy Testaburger.Copy !req
129. Ever since Wendy was elected
student body president,Copy !req
130. this school
has started a rapid declineCopy !req
131. towards some Socialist regimeCopy !req
132. where students
no longer have a voice.Copy !req
133. The music room will be closed
off today due to painting.Copy !req
134. All students in band or choirCopy !req
135. will meet
in the gymnasium instead.Copy !req
136. Oh, oh, so now—Copy !req
137. so now the school is using money
to paint the music room.Copy !req
138. How old and outdated
is our playground equipment?Copy !req
139. What other schoolCopy !req
140. has a 15-year-old
merry-go-round on it?Copy !req
141. Our school president
is turning this whole placeCopy !req
142. into Communist Russia.Copy !req
143. It's not a coincidence
that once Wendy took office,Copy !req
144. this school started coming apart
at the seams.Copy !req
145. Your teachers
don't want to tell you,Copy !req
146. but they are scared,
and they should be,Copy !req
147. because the very fabric
of this elementary schoolCopy !req
148. is tearing from all corners.Copy !req
149. - Oh, jeez!Copy !req
150. - But, hey, I'm just
a normal kid like you,Copy !req
151. except that I ask questions.Copy !req
152. And because I'm brave enough
to ask questions,Copy !req
153. I come under scrutinies.Copy !req
154. Is Wendy using your lunch money
to buy heroin?Copy !req
155. Probably not.
But how can we know?Copy !req
156. I don't want my lunch money
going to drugs.Copy !req
157. Who's taking these drugs?
What would be the point?Copy !req
158. I'm asking questions.Copy !req
159. - Will somebody shut him up?Copy !req
160. - You wanted to see me,
Principal Victoria?Copy !req
161. - The job is to read what
is written on the paper, Eric,Copy !req
162. not to embellish
the way you do.Copy !req
163. - Oh, I get it.
You're trying to silence me.Copy !req
164. You're scared that somebody
is standing up to this schoolCopy !req
165. and its president for once!Copy !req
166. - No, it's just that the
announcements need to be quick,Copy !req
167. so the students can get on
with their work.Copy !req
168. - Oh, really?Copy !req
169. Then how come Gordon Stoltski
got to go onCopy !req
170. for, like, five minutes
that one day?Copy !req
171. - Well, because
he was being murdered.Copy !req
172. - You just want somebody to read
what's in front of themCopy !req
173. like a brainwashed zombie,
is that it, Mr. Mackey?Copy !req
174. I am not
Gordon Stoltski, okay?Copy !req
175. I'm not some dog on a leashCopy !req
176. that just blindly says
what he's toldCopy !req
177. until he's killed.Copy !req
178. - All we ask
is you keep it shorter.Copy !req
179. - Oh, I will.Copy !req
180. And maybe I'll also have a word
with the A.C.L.U.,Copy !req
181. tell them that a student
is being told not to speak outCopy !req
182. against his school.Copy !req
183. I'm sure they'll find that
very interesting.Copy !req
184. Well...Copy !req
185. Good morning,
South Park Elementary.Copy !req
186. These are
the morning announcements.Copy !req
187. Tryouts for the soccer team
are Friday afternoon,Copy !req
188. that is, of course,
if our student body presidentCopy !req
189. does something
about our abysmal soccer field.Copy !req
190. I have a question.Copy !req
191. What does Wendy Testaburger
actually do?Copy !req
192. She is supposed to be
the president, right?Copy !req
193. What is her agenda?
She's lying to everyone.Copy !req
194. Or is she?
Let's ask these questions.Copy !req
195. Today I want to talk brieflyCopy !req
196. about the state
of our school's economy.Copy !req
197. The bake sale last week
was a complete failure.Copy !req
198. And besides that, who actually
voted for Wendy Testaburger?Copy !req
199. I know I didn't.Copy !req
200. And everyone who did
is now scratching their headsCopy !req
201. and going,"Whoops, guess
I shouldn't have done that."Copy !req
202. I'm not
in the student council.Copy !req
203. I'm just a normal kid
like all of you.Copy !req
204. And like all of you,
I want to knowCopy !req
205. what has happened
to my school.Copy !req
206. I pledge allegiance
to the flag...Copy !req
207. - of the United States
of America—Copy !req
208. Our United States, not the one
Wendy Testaburger would have—Copy !req
209. a Socialist dung hole.Copy !req
210. A Socialist dung hole...Copy !req
211. - Good morning, students.Copy !req
212. These are
the morning announcements.Copy !req
213. If you will direct
your attentionCopy !req
214. to the new video monitors
at the head of your class,Copy !req
215. you will see
that the announcementsCopy !req
216. are now being done in video.Copy !req
217. - Oh, God.
No!Copy !req
218. - Lunch today
is going to be pizza...Copy !req
219. again.Copy !req
220. Friends, our school
is dying, and you know it.Copy !req
221. You feel it.Copy !req
222. You're like—you're like me.
You want to change it.Copy !req
223. But, oh, no, Wendy Testaburger's
not gonna let that happen.Copy !req
224. This is not the school
we grew up in, and...Copy !req
225. And I don't know
if we can get it back.Copy !req
226. So let's take a look at exactly
what our school president wants.Copy !req
227. You know,
what is she trying to achieve?Copy !req
228. Let's just take a look
at these key words here.Copy !req
229. Wendy has made it clear
that she wants our schoolCopy !req
230. to be a more integrated,
leftist, and liberal place.Copy !req
231. But you see when that happens,
what we getCopy !req
232. is a Socialist, modern, utopian,
reformed farce of a school.Copy !req
233. So when you look closely,Copy !req
234. it becomes very obvious
what Wendy wants.Copy !req
235. K-I-l-l s-m-u-r-f-s.Copy !req
236. Our school president
wants to kill Smurfs.Copy !req
237. - No!Copy !req
238. - I don't know if we're turning
into a Smurf-hating schoolCopy !req
239. or what we're turning into.Copy !req
240. But unless you ask why,Copy !req
241. we're gonna transform
into something.Copy !req
242. - Hey, Wendy.
Wendy!Copy !req
243. Is it true?Copy !req
244. - Is what true?Copy !req
245. - That you hate Smurfs.Copy !req
246. - I don't have time for this.Copy !req
247. - Hey, now, me and us fellers
are just asking questions!Copy !req
248. Yeah!
- Yeah, we can ask.Copy !req
249. - Try to understand this—Copy !req
250. all I do is try to help run
student council.Copy !req
251. I don't give a crap
about Smurfs!Copy !req
252. It is true.Copy !req
253. - Oh, my God!
- She admitted it!Copy !req
254. - Oh, my god.Copy !req
255. - Maybe you guys should checkCopy !req
256. into what student council
actually doesCopy !req
257. before you just blindly listenCopy !req
258. to what some idiot
with a microphone tells you!Copy !req
259. - What did the Smurfs
ever do to you, you bitch?Copy !req
260. I just called
the president a bitch.Copy !req
261. - Yeah.
- That was cool.Copy !req
262. - Awesome.
- Yeah, great job.Copy !req
263. - Thank you, and this is to...
- Douglas.Copy !req
264. - "To Douglas."
There you go.Copy !req
265. Book signing today, everyone.
Be sure to pick up your copy.Copy !req
266. - Hey, Eric!
- Well, hello.Copy !req
267. Another person who cares
about the future of our school!Copy !req
268. - Oh, you bet.Copy !req
269. I love all the stuff you saidCopy !req
270. about how our school president
never does anythingCopy !req
271. and how she's changing
everything.Copy !req
272. - Yes, well, now you can readCopy !req
273. about all these things
I've said, Butters.Copy !req
274. Take this copy of my book.Copy !req
275. - Cool, thanks.Copy !req
276. - That'll be $5.Copy !req
277. - Oh, okay.Copy !req
278. - What the hell do you think
you're doing?Copy !req
279. - A book signing.Copy !req
280. - I looked
through your stupid book.Copy !req
281. It's 540 pages of ripping
on Wendy and calling her a slut!Copy !req
282. - I do not directly say
she's a slut.Copy !req
283. - "Wendy Testaburger
has proven time and time againCopy !req
284. "that she will do anything
to pleasure her vagina.Copy !req
285. "Whether it is the school
football teamCopy !req
286. "or the janitors
on their break,Copy !req
287. "Wendy spends her time
as president on her kneesCopy !req
288. or on her back taking the ol'
in-out for hours on end."Copy !req
289. - You didn't read
the rest, dude.Copy !req
290. - "Or does she?"
- "Or does she?"Copy !req
291. See, that's a question.
I'm asking questions, Stan!Copy !req
292. I've called for Wendy to come
on my show and defend herself,Copy !req
293. but she won't do it.Copy !req
294. - Yeah, and she hates Smurfs!Copy !req
295. - "Shouldn't we be worried
if our school presidentCopy !req
296. "is a girl who would rather get
her tits lickedCopy !req
297. than go
to student council meetings?"Copy !req
298. - Whoa.
- Yeah, jeez.Copy !req
299. - Hey, hey!
Stop reading that!Copy !req
300. - What do you mean?Copy !req
301. - Listen, just because
a guy's voice is on the intercomCopy !req
302. and his words are in a bookCopy !req
303. doesn't mean he has any idea
what he's talking about.Copy !req
304. - Yes, it does.Copy !req
305. - Eric Cartman
is simply making itCopy !req
306. so that all kids
take responsibilityCopy !req
307. to question
their school leaders.Copy !req
308. We should all ask
if our PresidentCopy !req
309. is a penis-hungry hooker
with a huge vagina.Copy !req
310. I'm Casey Miller.Copy !req
311. - Wendy, did you see the stuff
Cartman is saying about you now?Copy !req
312. - I really don't care, Stan.Copy !req
313. - Well, don't you think
you should go on his showCopy !req
314. and defend yourself?Copy !req
315. Everyone's starting to think
you're a crappy president.Copy !req
316. - I'm not giving Eric FartmanCopy !req
317. one minute of my time,
you got that?Copy !req
318. I'm not acknowledging
his stupid questions.Copy !req
319. If you want him dealt with,
you'll have to do it yourself!Copy !req
320. - You wanted to see me again,
Principal Victoria?Copy !req
321. - Eric, we've been informed
by a concerned studentCopy !req
322. that you
are writing naughty booksCopy !req
323. about one of the girls
here at the school.Copy !req
324. - Oh, Wendy came
and told on me?Copy !req
325. So what,
because she's president,Copy !req
326. she can't be written about?Copy !req
327. - Eric, apparently you wroteCopy !req
328. that Wendy's private partsCopy !req
329. are big enough to fly
an airplane through, mm-kay.Copy !req
330. - And what if they are?Copy !req
331. You'll stop me from asking just
because Wendy forces you to?Copy !req
332. - Eric,
the student body presidentCopy !req
333. really doesn't have
the kind of power that you—Copy !req
334. - Just enough power to force you
to stop me from selling my book.Copy !req
335. Face it,
you're a lackey, Mackey.Copy !req
336. - Eric, I've had enough!Copy !req
337. You cannot, and you will not,Copy !req
338. sell your books
on school grounds!Copy !req
339. Do I make myself clear?Copy !req
340. - Clear as summer rain.Copy !req
341. Clear as a flavorless bottle
of Vitamin Water.Copy !req
342. This school
has finally transformedCopy !req
343. into the Socialist whore land
where a student isn't free.Copy !req
344. Well, I'm not gonna be
a part of it.Copy !req
345. Do you understand?Copy !req
346. I'm leaving this hypocritical,
communist school!Copy !req
347. I'm walking out,
and I'm never coming back!Copy !req
348. - Live from
the principal's office,Copy !req
349. these are
the morning announcements.Copy !req
350. Here is Eric Cartman.Copy !req
351. - Yesterday,
as most of you know,Copy !req
352. I walked out on this program
and on our school.Copy !req
353. I was so fed up with
our President's hypocrisies—Copy !req
354. me not being allowed
to sell my book.Copy !req
355. I wanted to live in a placeCopy !req
356. where my values
were still upheld.Copy !req
357. And so I decided
to leave it all behindCopy !req
358. and instead go and live
with The Smurfs.Copy !req
359. I simply observed
the gentle Smurfs at first.Copy !req
360. I wanted to understand
how they could liveCopy !req
361. such simple and decent lives.Copy !req
362. They were wary of me
at the beginning,Copy !req
363. but slowly,
I began to earn their trust.Copy !req
364. It wasn't long
before the gentle SmurfsCopy !req
365. accepted me
as one of their own.Copy !req
366. - Whoa.Copy !req
367. - The Smurfs and I grew
to understand each other.Copy !req
368. They shared with me their art
of picking Smurf berries.Copy !req
369. And I shared with them stories
of my country's forefathers.Copy !req
370. Of course,
it wasn't longCopy !req
371. before I fell in love
with Smurfette.Copy !req
372. We're from
two different worlds,Copy !req
373. and yet we spoke
the common language of passion.Copy !req
374. - These are
the morning announcements?Copy !req
375. - Shh!Copy !req
376. - Papa Smurf
was displeased at first.Copy !req
377. He told Smurfette
I wasn't a real Smurf,Copy !req
378. and we could never be happy.Copy !req
379. But I eventually proved myself
to Papa SmurfCopy !req
380. by picking more Smurf berriesCopy !req
381. than any Smurf
had ever Smurfed before.Copy !req
382. Finally,
all was right with the world.Copy !req
383. But then... a crisis.Copy !req
384. Clumsy Smurf burst
into the Smurf ceremonyCopy !req
385. to say that humans had come
to destroy all of Smurfland.Copy !req
386. No!Copy !req
387. No, you must leave
the noble Smurfs alone!Copy !req
388. Who's behind all this?Copy !req
389. I should have known.Copy !req
390. Wendy!Copy !req
391. - Out of my way!Copy !req
392. - Wendy,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
393. - Smurf berries
are worth a lot of money.Copy !req
394. With all those Smurf berries,Copy !req
395. I can power the school
for the entire year!Copy !req
396. - Wendy, I know you're president
of our school,Copy !req
397. but you can't just dig up
the Smurf's land!Copy !req
398. - Fuck the Smurfs!Copy !req
399. They can suck my fat tits.Copy !req
400. - How many Smurf berries
is enough, Wendy?Copy !req
401. - You can suck
my fat tits too.Copy !req
402. - Smurfette, no!Copy !req
403. - Suck my fat tits!Copy !req
404. And so now our school
has plenty of precious,Copy !req
405. unobtainable Smurf berries.Copy !req
406. Yeah, well, big deal.Copy !req
407. At what cost did
our school president get it?Copy !req
408. Every Smurf is dead,Copy !req
409. wiped out, and we will
never see them again.Copy !req
410. Go on, look outside.
You won't see any Smurfs.Copy !req
411. - Of course,
since I'm being silenced,Copy !req
412. I'm not allowed time
to show you the entire movie.Copy !req
413. And so please buy
Dances with Smurfs,Copy !req
414. available now on DVD.Copy !req
415. The question now is,
what happened to morals?Copy !req
416. What happened to dignity?Copy !req
417. What happened to my school?Copy !req
418. - That does it!Copy !req
419. Our student council is corrupt
and has to be dealt with!Copy !req
420. - I can no longer
stand idly by.Copy !req
421. - We need to get all the kids
together who want to fight backCopy !req
422. and tell them
to meet after school!Copy !req
423. We will forever remember
this day—Copy !req
424. the day we finally stood up
to Wendy Testaburger!Copy !req
425. - It is time for that slutty,
Smurf-killing bitchCopy !req
426. to get what's coming to her.Copy !req
427. Yeah!Copy !req
428. - I don't know about all of you,
but I have had enough!Copy !req
429. We've been sitting backCopy !req
430. and watching as our school
slowly goes into the toilet!Copy !req
431. But today we do something
about it!Copy !req
432. Yeah!Copy !req
433. - So let's march right
over there to Wendy's houseCopy !req
434. and do what we know
needs to be done!Copy !req
435. - Let us not forget
what happens this day!Copy !req
436. - Do it.Copy !req
437. - We are here,
Wendy Testaburger!Copy !req
438. - Take that,
school president!Copy !req
439. - Get her good!Copy !req
440. - I am.Copy !req
441. - Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
442. - The students want answers!Copy !req
443. Go on the morning announcements
if you've got nothing to hide!Copy !req
444. - What the hell?Copy !req
445. - Wah!Copy !req
446. Smurf killer!Copy !req
447. - Answer for your crimes
on the morning announcements!Copy !req
448. - Wendy, did a boy
just pee on our doorCopy !req
449. because the Smurfs
were murdered?Copy !req
450. - It's okay, Dad.Copy !req
451. I'll take care of it.Copy !req
452. - Thank you so much for finally
coming on my show, Wendy.Copy !req
453. - Yeah, well, Butters peed
on my house.Copy !req
454. - People are riled up.Copy !req
455. Hopefully we can clear
the air here this morning.Copy !req
456. - If we could just keep it to
questions about student council?Copy !req
457. - Of course.
That's why we're here.Copy !req
458. - Five seconds.Copy !req
459. - Don't worry.
I won't go too hard on you.Copy !req
460. Good morning,
South Park Elementary.Copy !req
461. These are
the morning announcements.Copy !req
462. Rehearsals for the school play
are canceled this afternoon.Copy !req
463. For the lunch,
the cafeteriaCopy !req
464. will be serving
meat loaf or veggie pasta.Copy !req
465. My guest today
is the student body presidentCopy !req
466. of South Park Elementary,
Wendy Testaburger.Copy !req
467. Wendy, thank you
for coming on the show.Copy !req
468. - Sure.Copy !req
469. - Wendy, I want to startCopy !req
470. by asking a pretty
straightforward question,Copy !req
471. and I hope
you don't take offense to it.Copy !req
472. - Okay.
- How many Smurf berriesCopy !req
473. is the life
of each Smurf worth?Copy !req
474. - I don't—
I—I have no idea what—Copy !req
475. - You don't know
how many Smurf berriesCopy !req
476. The life
of each Smurf is worth.Copy !req
477. - Oh, he's got her now!Copy !req
478. - Would you agree that the
school is in a crisis right now?Copy !req
479. - I believe
there is a few things wrongCopy !req
480. with the school, but—Copy !req
481. - If a Smurf diesCopy !req
482. and no one is around to hear it,
does it still scream?Copy !req
483. - She's speechless!Copy !req
484. - You are the president
of the school.Copy !req
485. Can you see
why many students thinkCopy !req
486. you're an ineffective slut?Copy !req
487. Are you denying that the Smurf
holocaust ever happened?Copy !req
488. Is that what
you're suggesting?Copy !req
489. - Look, Eric.Copy !req
490. You have to understand,Copy !req
491. the Smurf berries were our
school government's only option!Copy !req
492. - Yes, and that makes—
wait, whoa, what?Copy !req
493. - What was I suppose to do?Copy !req
494. The school
was running out of power!Copy !req
495. We tried relocating
the Smurfs at first,Copy !req
496. but they wouldn't budge.Copy !req
497. So we decided to get somebody
on the inside—Copy !req
498. a member of the school who
could act like one of the SmurfsCopy !req
499. and learn their secrets.Copy !req
500. But of course,
you know that, don't you?Copy !req
501. - What—what do you mean
I know that?Copy !req
502. - I'm just asking the question.Copy !req
503. We all knew you were sent in
to live with the Smurfs,Copy !req
504. but did you know
they would be wiped out?Copy !req
505. - No, you wiped them all out!Copy !req
506. - Nobody expected you
to fall in love with Smurfette.Copy !req
507. You went to learn from them,Copy !req
508. but instead you became
one of them, right?Copy !req
509. Fought against your own kind,Copy !req
510. when you knew
we'd stop at nothing.Copy !req
511. Do you know
that one Smurf berryCopy !req
512. can power the school
for two months?Copy !req
513. One Smurf berry!Copy !req
514. - Wait, hold on.
Can we take a break?Copy !req
515. - No, it's okay.
It's all out in the open now.Copy !req
516. I wouldn't have had to kill
the SmurfsCopy !req
517. if they
would've simply moved on,Copy !req
518. but you gave them
the will to stay.Copy !req
519. And I guess
you can't be blamed for that.Copy !req
520. - What?Copy !req
521. - And that is why...Copy !req
522. I am stepping down.Copy !req
523. You were right
all along, Cartman.Copy !req
524. And I am hereby making you
the student body president.Copy !req
525. - All right!
Cartman's president!Copy !req
526. We did it.Copy !req
527. - I'm confused.Copy !req
528. - Dude, you can't take
my Dances with Smurfs ideaCopy !req
529. and turn it into your own thing.
- No, you're right.Copy !req
530. The students
all deserve to know the truth.Copy !req
531. And so I have answered
what really happenedCopy !req
532. in my new book—
Going Rogue on The Smurfs.Copy !req
533. - No, no, dude. You don't
just take one person's storyCopy !req
534. and then add a couple things
and call it yours!Copy !req
535. - Luckily,
with the money I madeCopy !req
536. selling the movie rights
to my book, I'll be okay.Copy !req
537. - You sold the movie rights?
To who?Copy !req
538. - James Cameron.Copy !req
539. Go look.
The movie came out already.Copy !req
540. - They can't do that!
I'm student body president!Copy !req
541. Oh, God damn it!Copy !req
542. Son of a bitch!
Idea-stealing assholes!Copy !req
543. You sons a bitches!Copy !req
544. Dances with Smurfs
was my idea!Copy !req
545. My idea!Copy !req
546. You can't just take
Dances with SmurfsCopy !req
547. and call it something else!Copy !req
548. - Dude, what happened?Copy !req
549. You're not doing the morning
announcements anymore?Copy !req
550. - No, because it turns out
that by rule,Copy !req
551. the student body president
can't also beCopy !req
552. the morning announcement
reader!Copy !req
553. - Oh, well.
At least as president,Copy !req
554. you can run the school
the way you want.Copy !req
555. - I can't do jack!Copy !req
556. I went to my first
student council meeting!Copy !req
557. All we did was talk
about what colors to makeCopy !req
558. the stupid
Sadie Hawkins Dance!Copy !req
559. Student council is retarded!Copy !req
560. - The sun is up,
and the birds are chirping.Copy !req
561. I'm Casey Miller, and these
are the morning announcements.Copy !req
562. I have a letterCopy !req
563. from second grade student
Brian Felner.Copy !req
564. Brian writes,"Dear Casey,Copy !req
565. "Why is our school president
such a fat, stupid dickhead?Copy !req
566. "My desk is broken,Copy !req
567. "and so far, Eric Cartman
has done nothing about it.Copy !req
568. "Will you please let that
walking bowl of anus pus knowCopy !req
569. that we are not happy."Copy !req
570. Well, Brian,
I couldn't agree more.Copy !req
571. Our asshole president is a fat,
smelly, douche bag milkshake.Copy !req
572. - I'm doing the best I can!Copy !req