1. Okay, children, let's all take our seats.Copy !req
2. Before we get started todayCopy !req
3. Wendy Testaburger has askedCopy !req
4. to share something with the class.Copy !req
5. Wendy?Copy !req
6. Thank you, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
7. Fellow students,
October is awareness monthCopy !req
8. for one of the leading
causes of death in women—Copy !req
9. a terrible disease that takes the livesCopy !req
10. ofAmerican women every day.Copy !req
11. I'm talking, of course,
about breast cancer.Copy !req
12. an estimated one in six womenCopy !req
13. will deal with cancer in their lifetime,Copy !req
14. and breast cancer is the most—Copy !req
15. She said it again!Copy !req
16. Is there a problem?Copy !req
17. Because breast cancer isn't funny.Copy !req
18. Breast cancer is killing people.Copy !req
19. Mr. Garrison,
do we really need all thisCopy !req
20. potty talk in the classroom?Copy !req
21. Eric, for the love of Jesus...Copy !req
22. This is a serious issue, Eric!Copy !req
23. What you're doing is very offensive!Copy !req
24. Me?Copy !req
25. You're the one talking about killer titties.Copy !req
26. Watch out, guys, Wendy says
boobs can kill people.Copy !req
27. "Rarrrg!Copy !req
28. Gonna get you!
Gonna get you, Wendy!"Copy !req
29. I don't wanna get killed by boobs!Copy !req
30. Will somebody do something?Copy !req
31. Every week he gets worse
and nobody does anything!Copy !req
32. Eric, stop being offensive.Copy !req
33. I'm just trying to engage WendyCopy !req
34. in a constructive dialogue aboutCopy !req
35. breast-cancer awareness, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
36. No, you aren't!Copy !req
37. Wendy, you need to calm down.Copy !req
38. You're gonna get your boobs all angryCopy !req
39. and they're gonna start killing everyone.Copy !req
40. Dude, I'm on fire today!Copy !req
41. Look out, everyone!Copy !req
42. There's some killer titties on the loose!Copy !req
43. Coulda swore I heard 'em
comin' though the roof!Copy !req
44. Pssh— officer, we need to get an A.P.B. outCopy !req
45. on those titties!Copy !req
46. They're armed and dangerous!Copy !req
47. What is your problem?Copy !req
48. Breast cancer isn't funny!Copy !req
49. Not at all.Copy !req
50. "Wendy, we're gonna get you, Wendy.Copy !req
51. We're your boobs, we're gonna kill you!"Copy !req
52. You better shut up, or I'll make you shut up.Copy !req
53. Oh, really?Copy !req
54. What are you gonna do about it, Wendy?Copy !req
55. I'm gonna kick your ass,
that's what I'm gonna do!Copy !req
56. Ha-ha, you're gonna kick my ass?Copy !req
57. That's right, I'm gonna kick your ass!Copy !req
58. You wanna throw down, dawg?Copy !req
59. I'll throw down!Copy !req
60. You think you're tough?Copy !req
61. What's up?
What's up?Copy !req
62. I'll smack the shit out of you!Copy !req
63. I'm standing right here!
Let's go, bitch.Copy !req
64. After school.Copy !req
65. We fight after school, you got that?Copy !req
66. You're gonna fight me after school?Copy !req
67. That's right!Copy !req
68. You're a chick, dude.Copy !req
69. As soon as that bell ringsCopy !req
70. we do it outside, you got that?Copy !req
71. And you better be there.Copy !req
72. Oh, it's on, bitch.Copy !req
73. You're gonna fucking die!Copy !req
74. Wendy and Eric are fighting after school!Copy !req
75. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
76. Wendy and Eric are fighting after school!Copy !req
77. - What?
- Wow!Copy !req
78. Wendy and Cartman are
gonna fight after school!Copy !req
79. - Really?
- Oh, wow!Copy !req
80. Wendy and Cartman are fighting after school.Copy !req
81. Yay!Copy !req
82. Hey, emo kids, Cartman and Wendy
are gonna fight after school.Copy !req
83. Did she just call us emos?Copy !req
84. Jeez, I can't believeCopy !req
85. Wendy's gonna fight you after school!Copy !req
86. She is pissed off.Copy !req
87. She's not gonna show up to a fight, dawg.Copy !req
88. I'm sure she's already trying to
figure a way to get out of it.Copy !req
89. Hey, check it out,Copy !req
90. she's totally staring you down.Copy !req
91. She sure seems confident.Copy !req
92. You should probably go easy on her, dude.Copy !req
93. You don't wanna put her
in the hospital or anything.Copy !req
94. Yeah, I'm just gonna teach her a lesson.Copy !req
95. I'm not gonna totally kick her ass.Copy !req
96. Can't go too easy on her, though.Copy !req
97. God forbid, she actually
gets in a g-good punch and beats you.Copy !req
98. Yeah, if you got beat up by a girl,Copy !req
99. everyone would think you were a faggot.Copy !req
100. Wendy, could I talk to you for a second?Copy !req
101. What?Copy !req
102. Wendy, I want to apologizeCopy !req
103. and, um, tell you that—Copy !req
104. What?Copy !req
105. I want to apologize and tell you thatCopy !req
106. I'm sorry for what I said, okay?Copy !req
107. It was wrong of me,Copy !req
108. and I promise you that it
won't happen again.Copy !req
109. I don't wanna fight you
after school, all right?Copy !req
110. So I'm sorry.Copy !req
111. If you're really sorry,Copy !req
112. you can say it in front of everyone.Copy !req
113. Actually, I was thinking,Copy !req
114. let's just keep this between us.Copy !req
115. I was wrong to make fun of breast cancerCopy !req
116. and I'm very "remorsefulness."Copy !req
117. No!Copy !req
118. If you're really sorryCopy !req
119. and you wanna apologize to me,Copy !req
120. then do it in front of everyone.Copy !req
121. Pfft!
Apologize?Copy !req
122. That's not what I said, you dumb bitch!Copy !req
123. Ha-ha, ha-ha!Copy !req
124. Yes, you did!Copy !req
125. You just stood there and said you apologizeCopy !req
126. and you don't wanna fight!Copy !req
127. Oh, Wendy,Copy !req
128. such a desperate attempt to get out of it.Copy !req
129. These students are a little too smartCopy !req
130. to see you're just making
excuses not to fight me.Copy !req
131. I don't want an excuse.Copy !req
132. I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of you!Copy !req
133. Ho... ha...
That's funny.Copy !req
134. You're gonna die, you... lesbo.Copy !req
135. Wendy, seriously, though,Copy !req
136. I do want to apologize.Copy !req
137. I'm really sorry,Copy !req
138. and I don't think we should fight.Copy !req
139. Get away from me!Copy !req
140. So everyone's saying
there's gonna be a fightCopy !req
141. between Eric Cartman and your girlfriend.Copy !req
142. I guess so.Copy !req
143. And you're gonna just let that guyCopy !req
144. beat up on your woman?Copy !req
145. Doesn't that like go against yourCopy !req
146. jock-y man code or something?Copy !req
147. Yeah, I don't ever remember
AC/DC singing aboutCopy !req
148. letting dudes beat up on their girlfriends.Copy !req
149. What am I supposed to do about it?Copy !req
150. Don't worry, Stan.Copy !req
151. I don't think the fight's even gonna happen.Copy !req
152. Cartman said that Wendy's alreadyCopy !req
153. begging him to call it off.Copy !req
154. I'll bet she is.Copy !req
155. I hope not!Copy !req
156. I wanna see Eric kick the crap out of her!Copy !req
157. Wendy, Wendy— pssst.Copy !req
158. What?Copy !req
159. Just real quick, just— pssst— real quick.Copy !req
160. Wendy, you're not gonna believe this.Copy !req
161. I just found out my Mom
has breast cancer.Copy !req
162. Man, I sure got what was coming to me.Copy !req
163. I was a real jerkCopy !req
164. and now they're gonna
cut off my Mom's boobs.Copy !req
165. You really think that's gonna work on me?Copy !req
166. Wendy, I have here $27 in cash.Copy !req
167. If you just call off the fight, then I—Copy !req
168. you can't bribe your way out of this.Copy !req
169. Wendy, I have muscular dystrophy.Copy !req
170. No, you don't.Copy !req
171. My Mom has muscular dystrophy...Copy !req
172. in her boobs.Copy !req
173. You don't get it, asshole!Copy !req
174. There is nothing you can do to stop this fight.Copy !req
175. I am going to wipe the playground with youCopy !req
176. right in front of everyone!Copy !req
177. I am going to shove your
ass down your throatCopy !req
178. and make you eat your underwear!Copy !req
179. Eat my underwear?Copy !req
180. That's right!Copy !req
181. Okay.Copy !req
182. Okay, Wendy, I will eat my underwearCopy !req
183. right here, right now.Copy !req
184. Jesus Christ, do you have
no sense of self-respect?Copy !req
185. No, unless you want me to?Copy !req
186. Do you want me to have
self-respect, then I will.Copy !req
187. You fucking suck so hard!Copy !req
188. I'll eat my underwear, Wendy,Copy !req
189. and then you'll be satisfied.Copy !req
190. We can put this whole thing behind us.Copy !req
191. What are you doing?Copy !req
192. I am committed to peace, Wendy.Copy !req
193. I want you to see just how humbled I am—Copy !req
194. garlggl— how much—
garlgl...Copy !req
195. Ewwww!Copy !req
196. Garlg— Wendy—Copy !req
197. Look at me, Wendy—
glalghrg!Copy !req
198. There, there!Copy !req
199. Oh, my God!Copy !req
200. So... are we cool?Copy !req
201. No!Copy !req
202. I ate my underwear!Copy !req
203. What the hell do you want from me?Copy !req
204. You are so pathetic!Copy !req
205. Wendy, it isn't fair!Copy !req
206. I ate my underwear for you!Copy !req
207. No!Copy !req
208. Yo, what's up, dawg?Copy !req
209. Stan, Stan, dude, we need to talk!Copy !req
210. What?Copy !req
211. Ya know, Wendy and I are supposed to
fight in like three hours.Copy !req
212. Yeah.Copy !req
213. Dude, aren't you worried?Copy !req
214. Wendy's a girl.Copy !req
215. She could end up getting really hurt, Stan.Copy !req
216. You're my bro and she's your bitch.Copy !req
217. I don't wanna hurt my bro's bitch.Copy !req
218. I can't do anything,Copy !req
219. she really wants to fight you.Copy !req
220. No, no, she doesn't.Copy !req
221. She told me she doesn't wanna fight.Copy !req
222. She's just stuck, Stan,Copy !req
223. because she knows I'm gonna kick her assCopy !req
224. but she feels like if she doesn't fight meCopy !req
225. all the kids are gonna call her "chicken."Copy !req
226. Really?Copy !req
227. You know what she did?Copy !req
228. She apologized and
begged me not to fight her.Copy !req
229. I said, "well, Wendy, if you're so sorryCopy !req
230. then say it front of everyone."Copy !req
231. But she wouldn't.Copy !req
232. That's how desperate she is.Copy !req
233. Now you have to do something, Stan.Copy !req
234. You have to be a fucking manCopy !req
235. and forbid her from
fighting so she has a way—Copy !req
236. Haaaackckck...Copy !req
237. Harharhghghghh...Copy !req
238. Oh, that's where I put those.Copy !req
239. Anyway, Stan, you've got
to put a stop to this fight.Copy !req
240. Wendy's stuck and she needs you.Copy !req
241. Dude, there's nothing I can do about it.Copy !req
242. God, you are such a pussy, Stan!Copy !req
243. You're such a pussy!Copy !req
244. When I hurt Wendy,Copy !req
245. it's gonna be on your fucking head!Copy !req
246. and so you see,
at this point, Euripides knewCopy !req
247. he could not win the battle.Copy !req
248. I am going to wipe the playground with youCopy !req
249. right in front of everyone!Copy !req
250. If you got beat up by a girl,Copy !req
251. everyone would think you were a faggot.Copy !req
252. All right, kids, for your homework tonight,Copy !req
253. I want you all to read chapter seven.Copy !req
254. Kick the shit out of him, Wendy.Copy !req
255. As soon as the bell rings,
we gotta get out thereCopy !req
256. and find a good place to watch the f-f-fight.Copy !req
257. There's no way out!Copy !req
258. She's gonna kick my ass
in front of everyone.Copy !req
259. Almost time!Copy !req
260. And be ready for a quiz tomorrow morning.Copy !req
261. I totally can't see the fight, dude.Copy !req
262. I've got detention after school.Copy !req
263. Detention.Copy !req
264. That's it!Copy !req
265. I've gotta get detention fast!Copy !req
266. No!Copy !req
267. Harghgh!Copy !req
268. Eric, did you just take a crap on my desk?Copy !req
269. What's up?
What's up?Copy !req
270. I crapped on your desk, dawg.Copy !req
271. What's up with that?Copy !req
272. Huh.Copy !req
273. Welcome to detention, m'kay!Copy !req
274. You are here until your
parents come and pick you up.Copy !req
275. Use your time to study.Copy !req
276. Ahhh, sweet.Copy !req
277. Eric!Copy !req
278. Hey, Eric!Copy !req
279. Eric, well, what's goin' on?Copy !req
280. Everyone's startin' to sayCopy !req
281. you got detention on purposeCopy !req
282. to get out of fighting Wendy.Copy !req
283. What?
That's ridiculous!Copy !req
284. But some people think you
crapped on teacher's deskCopy !req
285. to get out of the fight.Copy !req
286. That's not why I did it!Copy !req
287. Then why'd you crap on Garrison's desk?Copy !req
288. Because I'm hard-core.Copy !req
289. You know, I'm anti-establishment.Copy !req
290. That's how I roll, dawgs.Copy !req
291. I do hard-core stuff like that.Copy !req
292. That's what I said!Copy !req
293. I told everyone outside,Copy !req
294. "Cartman ain't scared of fightin' Wendy!Copy !req
295. He'd do it if he could!"Copy !req
296. Damn straight!Copy !req
297. I just got all punk rock
and got detention, you know?Copy !req
298. I'm just a bad dude.Copy !req
299. Okay, that's good,
because we moved the fightCopy !req
300. to first thing in the morning tomorrow.Copy !req
301. Before school starts.Copy !req
302. Everyone's gonna get there early.Copy !req
303. Huh?Copy !req
304. That way, it won't matter if you get detention.Copy !req
305. Eric, get your buns back over here, m'kay.Copy !req
306. Wendy said she'd be here
an hour before school starts.Copy !req
307. See you in the morning, ch-ch-champ!Copy !req
308. Tomorrow morning!Copy !req
309. You fucking die tomorrow morning!Copy !req
310. Wendy!Copy !req
311. Yeah!Copy !req
312. We need to talk to you right now.Copy !req
313. Wendy, have you been
bullying kids at school?Copy !req
314. What? No!Copy !req
315. Well, do you want to explain whyCopy !req
316. this little boy's mother
had to come talk to us?Copy !req
317. Did you tell this little boyCopy !req
318. you were going to beat him up?Copy !req
319. You don't understand,
he said horrible things.Copy !req
320. The thing is, I totally said I was sorry,Copy !req
321. but she still wants to beat me up.Copy !req
322. Wendy, no matter what a person says,Copy !req
323. you don't respond with violence.Copy !req
324. Haven't we taught you that?Copy !req
325. The thing is, Wendy,Copy !req
326. I really think you're awesome,Copy !req
327. and I know I'm just a nerdy
little weakling to you,Copy !req
328. but I want to be your friendCopy !req
329. because I don't have
that many friends at schoooool...Copy !req
330. Wendy, you tell this little boy
you aren't going to hurt him.Copy !req
331. - Mom, you don't—
- Now, young lady!Copy !req
332. I'm not going to hurt you.Copy !req
333. If there is any word of you fighting at school,Copy !req
334. it is over for you, missy, do you understand?Copy !req
335. Yes, Sir.Copy !req
336. We're so sorry about this, Ms. Cartman.Copy !req
337. Oh, no, thank you so much for your time.Copy !req
338. It really won't happen again.Copy !req
339. You're very sweet, thank you again.Copy !req
340. Come on, muffin.Copy !req
341. Okay, Mommy.Copy !req
342. Man, it's almost time for school to startCopy !req
343. and Wendy still isn't here.Copy !req
344. Yeah, I don't know what's going on.Copy !req
345. I mean, I showed up.Copy !req
346. Where is she?Copy !req
347. How come Wendy's not
showing up for the fight?Copy !req
348. Here she comes!Copy !req
349. What's up, Wendy?Copy !req
350. I thought we were meeting early to fight.Copy !req
351. You know I can't fight you.Copy !req
352. Why not, you chicken?Copy !req
353. Bwawk bwak bwaaaak!
A bwok bwok bwaaack!Copy !req
354. I can't fight you because you cameCopy !req
355. crying to my house
last night with your Mom!Copy !req
356. Pfft— oh, that's a doozie, Wendy.Copy !req
357. You come up with that one on your own?Copy !req
358. Yeah!Copy !req
359. Did you come up with that one on your own?Copy !req
360. I ain't frontin', dawg.Copy !req
361. Let's do this, let's do it right now, yo.Copy !req
362. Come on, Wendy, kick his ass!Copy !req
363. I can't!Copy !req
364. Goddamn it!Copy !req
365. She chickened out!Copy !req
366. Aww! Man! She chickened out!Copy !req
367. I told you, guys.Copy !req
368. Ugh, I'm glad that's over with.Copy !req
369. Yeah, guess you dodged a bullet, Galahad.Copy !req
370. I always knew deep downCopy !req
371. that Wendy didn't have any b-b-balls.Copy !req
372. And so we must all recycle... every day.Copy !req
373. Recycling is importantCopy !req
374. and it will save our planet... Earth.Copy !req
375. The end.Copy !req
376. Very nice, Clyde.Copy !req
377. Okay, we have time
for one more report before recess.Copy !req
378. Who'd like to go?Copy !req
379. Okay, Eric.Copy !req
380. Thank you.Copy !req
381. My report today is on
breast-cancer awareness.Copy !req
382. I do not believe enough is being done.Copy !req
383. And like the victims of breast cancer,Copy !req
384. there's something I'd like to get off my chest.Copy !req
385. We all must fight, and hopefully one dayCopy !req
386. titty cancer will be a distant mammary.Copy !req
387. You unbelievable bastard.Copy !req
388. You beat me, but you won't stop.Copy !req
389. What did the breast cancer
say to the Polish monkey?Copy !req
390. Okay, Eric, that's enough, you smart-ass!Copy !req
391. Why?Copy !req
392. Why are you doing this to me?Copy !req
393. Why won't you just stop?Copy !req
394. Wendy, Wendy!Copy !req
395. Wendy Testaburger to
the principal's office please!Copy !req
396. Wendy Testaburger to
the principal's office.Copy !req
397. God!Copy !req
398. Ha-ha-haa haaaaaaaa!Copy !req
399. Wendy, I've been hearing rumorsCopy !req
400. about a fight between you and Eric Cartman.Copy !req
401. No, Ma'am, there isn't going to be a fight.Copy !req
402. Oh, no?
Are you sure?Copy !req
403. Yes, Ma'am.Copy !req
404. I see.Copy !req
405. I noticed all the things you've done forCopy !req
406. breast-cancer awareness month.Copy !req
407. Did you know I'm a breast-cancer survivor?Copy !req
408. Ma'am?Copy !req
409. I was diagnosed seven years ago.Copy !req
410. Cancer is pure evil.Copy !req
411. It is a fat little lump
that needs to be destroyed.Copy !req
412. When there is a cancer,
you have to fight it.Copy !req
413. You can't reason with cancer,Copy !req
414. you can't wish it away.Copy !req
415. Cancer doesn't play by the rules,Copy !req
416. so neither can you.Copy !req
417. My... parents said that if I fight—Copy !req
418. And you can't listen to
what anybody else tells you.Copy !req
419. You have to be willing to give up everythingCopy !req
420. because the cancer will take everything.Copy !req
421. Do you understand?Copy !req
422. Yes, Ma'am.Copy !req
423. When you have cancer, you fight!Copy !req
424. Because it doesn't matter
if you beat it or not.Copy !req
425. You refuse to let that fat little lumpCopy !req
426. make you feel powerless.Copy !req
427. She's gonna fight!Copy !req
428. Wendy's gonna fight Cartman right now!Copy !req
429. What?Copy !req
430. Fight's on, fight's on!
Come on, come on!Copy !req
431. Go deep, Craig!Copy !req
432. Not that deep, retard!Copy !req
433. She's coming, she's coming!Copy !req
434. Butters, get outta here!Copy !req
435. But wendy's comin' to fight you!Copy !req
436. Huh?Copy !req
437. - Let's go!
- Woo-hoo!Copy !req
438. Oh, boy, here we go!Copy !req
439. - All right!
- Yeah!Copy !req
440. It's about freaking time.Copy !req
441. All right, let's do it!Copy !req
442. Wh-what's up, what's up?Copy !req
443. Wendy, don't forgetCopy !req
444. I'll tell my Mom on you.Copy !req
445. I don't care!Copy !req
446. Hee-hee-hee!
Hee-hee-hee, heh-heh!Copy !req
447. Um, recess is almost over.Copy !req
448. I don't know if there's really time.Copy !req
449. Shut up and fight!Copy !req
450. All right, fine, Wendy!Copy !req
451. I'll fight you, you big bully!Copy !req
452. Ugh!Copy !req
453. Ooh!Copy !req
454. Yay!Copy !req
455. Fuck him up, Wendy!Copy !req
456. Wendy?Copy !req
457. I'm finished!Copy !req
458. Hey, s-somebody call the principal!Copy !req
459. You don't have to say anything.Copy !req
460. I know how it is.Copy !req
461. I'm no longer the cool kid.Copy !req
462. Now you all think I'm a faaaaag.Copy !req
463. My school life is over 'cause nowCopy !req
464. all the guys don't think I'm coooooool.Copy !req
465. Dude, we never thought you were cool.Copy !req
466. That's not true.Copy !req
467. You're just saying that.Copy !req
468. No, really.Copy !req
469. We've always thought you suck.Copy !req
470. Yeah, nothing's changed.Copy !req
471. Our opinion of you can't
possibly go any lower.Copy !req
472. You're all just saying that
to make me feel better.Copy !req
473. No, it's true, we've always hated you.Copy !req
474. Yeah.Copy !req
475. Don't try and make me feel better, you guys!Copy !req
476. It isn't...Copy !req
477. Wait, wait a minute.Copy !req
478. Why would you guys be saying stuffCopy !req
479. to make me feel better?Copy !req
480. Unless... unless you do think I'm cool.Copy !req
481. What?Copy !req
482. If you're all trying to make me feel better,Copy !req
483. then you must still like me!Copy !req
484. Oh, oh, whew!Copy !req
485. Oh, here I've been so worriedCopy !req
486. about what you guys
were gonna think of meCopy !req
487. getting beat up by a girl,Copy !req
488. and it turns out you think
I'm cool no matter what!Copy !req
489. Oh!Copy !req
490. Oh, God, what a relief!Copy !req
491. Ha-ha!Copy !req
492. Yay!Copy !req