1. Students, quiet please, m'kay.Copy !req
2. As you may or may not know,Copy !req
3. today is Canada Appreciation Day.Copy !req
4. Oh, God, I'm bored already!Copy !req
5. M'kay, so we've been
asked to show you a videoCopy !req
6. from the World Canadian Bureau.Copy !req
7. Start the tape please.Copy !req
8. Hello, I am Stephen Abootman,Copy !req
9. Pwesident of the
World Canadian Bureau.Copy !req
10. Do you ever stop to thinkCopy !req
11. how important Canada is to the world?Copy !req
12. Right now, I would like all
students of Canadian descentCopy !req
13. in this school to stand up.Copy !req
14. Just look at all these fine
Canadians in your school.Copy !req
15. See how diverse they are.Copy !req
16. When you think of Canada,Copy !req
17. what's the one thing
that comes to mind?Copy !req
18. Gayness!Copy !req
19. That's right— spirit.Copy !req
20. What is it that makes
Canada so important?Copy !req
21. Nothing.Copy !req
22. My fellow Canadians,Copy !req
23. for too long we have been
pooshed around and ridiculed!Copy !req
24. Yesterday was supposed to be a dayCopy !req
25. of appreciation and understanding.Copy !req
26. Instead,Copy !req
27. Canada Appreciation DayCopy !req
28. was mocked worldwide!Copy !req
29. Nobody takes us Canadians seriously!Copy !req
30. It's like the world doesn't
respect Canada at all, eh?Copy !req
31. That's right.Copy !req
32. And I think it's time
for Canada to show the worldCopy !req
33. just how bad things
would be without it!Copy !req
34. Together we can send a message.Copy !req
35. It's time for Canada to strike!Copy !req
36. Did you say strike?Copy !req
37. Yes, every Canadian join me!Copy !req
38. Join together!Copy !req
39. Canada on strike!Copy !req
40. That's right, suck my Canadian balls.Copy !req
41. Uh, when you say
"Canada is on strike,"Copy !req
42. what exactly do you mean?Copy !req
43. What do you think it means?Copy !req
44. We're striking, buddy!Copy !req
45. No more, that's it,
until we get what we want!Copy !req
46. Who exactly are you to
authorize this strike?Copy !req
47. I am Stephen Abootman,
leader of the W.G.A.Copy !req
48. The W.G.A. ?Copy !req
49. Yes, the World Canadian Bureau.Copy !req
50. What exactly does Canada want?Copy !req
51. We want more money.Copy !req
52. Yeah, more money.Copy !req
53. More money from where?Copy !req
54. Just more money, you know?Copy !req
55. Canada doesn't get enough money!Copy !req
56. Other countries have lots of money!Copy !req
57. We want—
we want some of that money!Copy !req
58. How about the internet?Copy !req
59. The internet makes lots of money!Copy !req
60. So give us some of that money!Copy !req
61. Yeah, give us internet money!Copy !req
62. Mr. Abootman, you seem toCopy !req
63. not understand how global
economics works.Copy !req
64. I think that—Copy !req
65. Don't give me that
fat-cat fancy lip-wiggling!Copy !req
66. Are you gonna give Canada
more money or not?Copy !req
67. I'm afraid we can't.Copy !req
68. Then you leave Canada no choice.Copy !req
69. The strike shall continue!Copy !req
70. "Honk if you support Canada."Copy !req
71. Hey, honey, watch this.Copy !req
72. Oh, we're supporting unions!Copy !req
73. That's right, we're a very
progressive couple.Copy !req
74. Yes!Copy !req
75. Oh, that's fun!Copy !req
76. Well, we've done our
good deed for the week!Copy !req
77. I think now I can
make love to your anusCopy !req
78. without making God angry.Copy !req
79. Oh, really? Goody!Copy !req
80. Guys, I'm really
worried about my brother.Copy !req
81. We don't care.Copy !req
82. You should care!Copy !req
83. This strike affects everybody, fat ass!Copy !req
84. - Shh, shh, it's on!
- Yippie!Copy !req
85. It's the Terrance and Phillip Show.Copy !req
86. Today's episode: "I Fart Huckabees."Copy !req
87. Aw, this one again!Copy !req
88. God, they've replayed this one
like 80 times now!Copy !req
89. Say, Phillip, I just
bought this new hybrid car.Copy !req
90. Oh, does it run on electricity?Copy !req
91. No, it uses natural gas.Copy !req
92. Natural gas!Copy !req
93. Huh, it somehow loses its punchCopy !req
94. after multiple viewings.Copy !req
95. God damn it, when are
they gonna air newCopy !req
96. Terrance and Phillip shows?Copy !req
97. There aren't gonna be new shows,Copy !req
98. don't you get it?Copy !req
99. Terrance and Phillip are Canadian.Copy !req
100. We have to get
Canada to end this strike!Copy !req
101. It's not a big deal.Copy !req
102. We can just watch American comedy.Copy !req
103. You think that's bad?Copy !req
104. Remember the time I sang
"La Cucaracha"Copy !req
105. for Paul McCartney?Copy !req
106. No, no!Copy !req
107. We are not resorting to that!Copy !req
108. We want more, we want more!Copy !req
109. One, two, three, four,Copy !req
110. Canada deserves more... money!Copy !req
111. One, two, three, four,Copy !req
112. Canada deserves more... money!Copy !req
113. Look, buddy, me and Phillip
need to go home for a bit.Copy !req
114. Go home?Copy !req
115. You can't leave the picket line!Copy !req
116. But this is taking too long
and Phillip is diabetic!Copy !req
117. Look, guy, we all have to stay strong!Copy !req
118. If you don't stand
with your fellow Canadians,Copy !req
119. then you are a rat.Copy !req
120. Don't call me a rat, buddy!Copy !req
121. I'm not your buddy, friend!Copy !req
122. He's not your friend, guy!Copy !req
123. I'm not your guy, buddy!Copy !req
124. He's not your buddy, friend!Copy !req
125. I'm not your friend, guy!Copy !req
126. Don't you two understand anything?Copy !req
127. You think striking is a joke?Copy !req
128. You think it's something to ridicule?Copy !req
129. Yeah, you think this is funny?Copy !req
130. Don't you see that
we have to stand togetherCopy !req
131. or else we are nothing.Copy !req
132. Stephen, Stephen!Copy !req
133. A call came in from the United States!Copy !req
134. They want to talk to you
aboot ending the strike!Copy !req
135. What did I tell you!Copy !req
136. I told you we'd get to
them sooner or later!Copy !req
137. All right, shh, shh!
Quiet, everyone!Copy !req
138. Let me handle this...Copy !req
139. Yes, this is Stephen Abootman,
head of the W.G.A.Copy !req
140. Uh, hi.Copy !req
141. We want you to end the strike.Copy !req
142. Oh, you do, huh?Copy !req
143. They've had enough.Copy !req
144. They want us to end the strike!Copy !req
145. All right, all right,
shh, shh, shh, quiet, quiet.Copy !req
146. Let me deal with this.Copy !req
147. All right, we're prepared to end the strikeCopy !req
148. if you're agreeing that
we should have more money.Copy !req
149. We totally think you
should have more money.Copy !req
150. We got 'em!
We did it!Copy !req
151. All right, how much are you gonna give us?Copy !req
152. Huh?Copy !req
153. Well, we don't really have that much money.Copy !req
154. Oh, negotiating hard ball, are we?Copy !req
155. What about all that internet money?Copy !req
156. The internet?Copy !req
157. You listen to me, friend.Copy !req
158. You better figure out a way to
get us our fair amount of money.Copy !req
159. And until you come
back with a solid, fair number,Copy !req
160. I'm finished talking to you,Copy !req
161. you slimy, corporate dickhead!Copy !req
162. Don't worry, don't worry,Copy !req
163. this is how negotiating works.Copy !req
164. This is good.Copy !req
165. We've got 'em by the balls.Copy !req
166. Alright!Copy !req
167. What'd they say?Copy !req
168. They said we have to give them moneyCopy !req
169. that we make on the internet.Copy !req
170. How are we supposed to
make money on the internet?Copy !req
171. Well, how do other peopleCopy !req
172. make money on the internet?Copy !req
173. We'd have to put
something up on the internetCopy !req
174. that everyone would find fascinating.Copy !req
175. Wait, I've got it.Copy !req
176. There's more people viewing it!Copy !req
177. This is going great!Copy !req
178. Don't worry, Ike!Copy !req
179. The strike'll be over soon!Copy !req
180. And in other world news,Copy !req
181. the leader of Japan today is calling forCopy !req
182. an increase in military spending.Copy !req
183. How come they haven't mentioned
anything about us?Copy !req
184. When are they gonna get to the strike?Copy !req
185. Don't worry, the strike is big news.Copy !req
186. I'm sure it'll be one of
the top stories.Copy !req
187. In other news tonight,
it's the internet videoCopy !req
188. that has already seen over
ten million views.Copy !req
189. A young, confused-looking boyCopy !req
190. dancing and singing a song calledCopy !req
191. "What what in my asshole."Copy !req
192. Tom, in just one week the
video has becomeCopy !req
193. the most-watched
thing in all ofAmerica.Copy !req
194. The boy in the video,Copy !req
195. referred to by most as
"that little gay kid"Copy !req
196. has already been askedCopy !req
197. to appear on Jimmy Kimmel
and The Today Show.Copy !req
198. God damn it, that's not news!Copy !req
199. What about us?Copy !req
200. Look, uh, Stephen...
Terrance and I were talkingCopy !req
201. and, well, it's starting to look like maybeCopy !req
202. we're not gonna win this thing, you know?Copy !req
203. We'll win!Copy !req
204. We just have to stay resilient!Copy !req
205. Well, yeah, but everyone
is dying of starvation.Copy !req
206. Yeah, let's give it up, guy.Copy !req
207. Don't call me your guy!Copy !req
208. I'm not your guy, fwiend!Copy !req
209. I'm not your friend, buddy!Copy !req
210. I'm not your buddy, guy!Copy !req
211. Wait, here it is!Copy !req
212. Turn it up, we're on!Copy !req
213. And finally tonight, a new development
in the Canada strike.Copy !req
214. For those of you
who don't remember or don't care,Copy !req
215. Canada has been
striking for more money.Copy !req
216. - Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
217. There it is!Copy !req
218. Shh, I told you, I told you!Copy !req
219. Listen, let'-- shh—
let's-let's listen.Copy !req
220. In a shocking turn of events,Copy !req
221. it now appears that thousands of
people from DenmarkCopy !req
222. are flooding into the United StatesCopy !req
223. with hopes of taking the place of
the striking Canadians.Copy !req
224. What?Copy !req
225. Do you really think you Danish
can replace the Canadians?Copy !req
226. Well, where we come from it's
pretty cold too, yeah?Copy !req
227. We like hockey and nobody
really pays any attention to us.Copy !req
228. Nobody knows where Denmark is.Copy !req
229. Right, so when you think about it,Copy !req
230. we're the Canadians of Europe.Copy !req
231. Scabs!Copy !req
232. How could you?Copy !req
233. Uh, hi.Copy !req
234. We made a really
successful thing on the internetCopy !req
235. and we'd like to collect our money.Copy !req
236. Take a number and wait
with everyone else.Copy !req
237. Ma'am, perhaps you don't recognizeCopy !req
238. the internet sensation
"Little Gay Kid" from "Youtube."Copy !req
239. Take a number and wait
with everyone else!Copy !req
240. Chocolate Rain!Copy !req
241. Agh!Copy !req
242. Hey, I know you.Copy !req
243. You're the
"What what in my asshole" kid.Copy !req
244. "What what in the butt," Sir.Copy !req
245. It's'Tron guy."Copy !req
246. I saw him on "Youtube."Copy !req
247. Yeah, sure, all the biggest internet
stars are here.Copy !req
248. You remember, of course,
Numa Numa?Copy !req
249. And the'Star Wars kid" ?Copy !req
250. And the internet sensation,
"Cute Sneezing Panda."Copy !req
251. Achoo!Copy !req
252. And there's "Dramatic-Look Gopher."Copy !req
253. Wow, I've seen all you guys
on the internet!Copy !req
254. So how many people
have seen your internet video?Copy !req
255. Ugh, a few hundred thousand.Copy !req
256. Ha!Copy !req
257. Mere peanuts.Copy !req
258. "Chocolate Rain" has done gangbusters.Copy !req
259. Theoretically, I'm a millionaire.Copy !req
260. Dude, screw you.Copy !req
261. Your internet thing is so last year.Copy !req
262. Leave "Chocolate Rain" guy alone!Copy !req
263. Leave him alone!Copy !req
264. I'm serious!Copy !req
265. Excuse me.Copy !req
266. Hello?Copy !req
267. You greedy, corporate fat cat.Copy !req
268. You said you would get us money.Copy !req
269. We're working on it.Copy !req
270. You're stalling because
you think I'll give up.Copy !req
271. You know that most Canadians
are talking aboutCopy !req
272. giving up the strike already.Copy !req
273. You've got me over a
barrel and you know it!Copy !req
274. Sir, we're doing everything we can!Copy !req
275. You want me to say it again?Copy !req
276. You've got me over a barrel.Copy !req
277. There, you happy?Copy !req
278. You've got me bent over a barrelCopy !req
279. with my tender ass just
waiting to be pulverizedCopy !req
280. by your thrusting manhood!Copy !req
281. Do you realize how stupid
I'm going to lookCopy !req
282. if I call off the strike
after starting all this?Copy !req
283. I won't do it, you hear me, guy?Copy !req
284. You're wrong!Copy !req
285. No matter what happens,Copy !req
286. I will never call off this strike.Copy !req
287. Even if it means we all die.Copy !req
288. We don't want you to die.Copy !req
289. Then you better hurry.Copy !req
290. We don't have much longer.Copy !req
291. The blood will be on your hands.Copy !req
292. We have to speed this up.Copy !req
293. Can we collect our internet
money in front of you please?Copy !req
294. I don't think so.Copy !req
295. Nothing takes priority
over "Chocolate Rain."Copy !req
296. Oh, here he goes with the ego again.Copy !req
297. Who crowned you
the top internet star?Copy !req
298. I did, when I became
bigger than all you bitches.Copy !req
299. Oh, please!Copy !req
300. "Laughing Baby" had four times
as many views as you!Copy !req
301. You better shut your fucking mouth,
"Laughing Baby."Copy !req
302. Did you all forget about "Afro Ninja" ?Copy !req
303. My internet thing
was bigger than anybody's.Copy !req
304. I made over 100 million
theoretical dollars!Copy !req
305. Well, "Sneezing Panda" is
theoretically worth billions!Copy !req
306. You all wanna motherfucking die?Copy !req
307. No!
Argh!Copy !req
308. Haa!
Aggh!Copy !req
309. Hi-yah!Copy !req
310. Hey, forget it, we'll wait our turn!Copy !req
311. Hi-yah!Copy !req
312. Hargh, eyaaaaa!Copy !req
313. Leave "Tron guy" alone!Copy !req
314. Leave him alone!Copy !req
315. Aghghghgh!Copy !req
316. Get ready for some
chocolate pain, bitch.Copy !req
317. Ahghghgghgh!Copy !req
318. Yah!Copy !req
319. Leave the panda alone!Copy !req
320. Leave her alone!
I'm serious!Copy !req
321. Ahghghghghh!Copy !req
322. Ughghgh!Copy !req
323. Ahghghghghghgh!Copy !req
324. Thought I forgot about you, gopher?Copy !req
325. Ugh, my brains...Copy !req
326. Sweet, I think we're next in line now.Copy !req
327. Stephen, Stephen, they're here!Copy !req
328. They've come to negotiate!Copy !req
329. What?
You mean it?Copy !req
330. Okay, we did it.Copy !req
331. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
332. We're the ones you told
to go get internet money.Copy !req
333. Here, we made ten million
theoretical dollars.Copy !req
334. It's all for you.Copy !req
335. Theoretical dollars?Copy !req
336. What am I supposed to do with that?Copy !req
337. You little time-wasters!Copy !req
338. Hey, we worked really hard
to get this theoretical money.Copy !req
339. Yeah, everyone thinks I'm a homo now!Copy !req
340. You are a homo, Butters.Copy !req
341. Dude, will you just end this thing now?Copy !req
342. My little brother is gonna die!Copy !req
343. No, I'm not gonna look like an idiot!Copy !req
344. If I fucked up and led everyone astray,Copy !req
345. the last thing I'm gonna do is admit it!Copy !req
346. Yes, this is the head of the W.G.A.Copy !req
347. The World Canadian Bureau.Copy !req
348. Ah, Mr. Abootman,Copy !req
349. it's the Global World Summit Leaders.Copy !req
350. We want to talk to you about the strike.Copy !req
351. You-you do?Copy !req
352. You want to negotiate?Copy !req
353. No, actually, we were just wonderingCopy !req
354. if when you're all dead,
we can use NewfoundlandCopy !req
355. for a new global theme park.Copy !req
356. Hello?Copy !req
357. Will you just give this
guy something, please?Copy !req
358. Excuse me?Copy !req
359. He just doesn't want to
look like an idiotCopy !req
360. so he needs everyone to think the
strike was for something.Copy !req
361. Just give him anything.Copy !req
362. Well, we could give Canada
some small consolation prize.Copy !req
363. If they give you something small,
will you end the strike?Copy !req
364. Will they act like they're
giving Canada a lotCopy !req
365. so everyone thinks I did a good job?Copy !req
366. Can you act like you're giving him a lot?Copy !req
367. Sure, why not?Copy !req
368. We have won!Copy !req
369. So how much did we get?Copy !req
370. Well, we... we didn't get
everything that we wantedCopy !req
371. but we negotiated hardCopy !req
372. and we got these coupons to Bennigan'sCopy !req
373. and free bubblegum for every Canadian!Copy !req
374. These coupons entitle every CanadianCopy !req
375. to a free meal at Bennigan's...Copy !req
376. with the purchase of a mealCopy !req
377. at equal or greater value, of course.Copy !req
378. We did it!Copy !req
379. My friends, this is the greatest victoryCopy !req
380. in Canadian history.Copy !req
381. Ike... Ike!Copy !req
382. - It's over.
- It's over?Copy !req
383. Yeah, here you go.Copy !req
384. Boy, I'm sure glad that's over with!Copy !req
385. Me too!Copy !req
386. Yeah, but, you know,
I learned something today.Copy !req
387. We thought we
could make money on the internet,Copy !req
388. but while the internet is new and
exciting for creative peopleCopy !req
389. it hasn't matured
as a distribution mechanismCopy !req
390. to the extent that one
should trade real and immediateCopy !req
391. opportunities for income for the promiseCopy !req
392. of future on-line revenue.Copy !req
393. It will be a few years before
digital distribution of mediaCopy !req
394. on the internet
can be monetized to an extentCopy !req
395. that necessitates
content producers to forgoCopy !req
396. their fair value in
more traditional media.Copy !req
397. Yeah.Copy !req
398. Yeah, we did it!Copy !req
399. Celebrate, everyone!Copy !req
400. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
401. Hold on a minute!
Wait just a second!Copy !req
402. We just did some calculating.Copy !req
403. By not working during the strike,Copy !req
404. Canadians lost 10.4 million dollars.Copy !req
405. And our Bennigan's coupons
and bubblegumCopy !req
406. is worth roughly $3,008.Copy !req
407. Don't look at that.
Come on, friends, let's dance.Copy !req
408. You had no idea what you were doingCopy !req
409. and now you're trying to
make it look like you wonCopy !req
410. so that we won't set you adrift!Copy !req
411. Damn it, friends, don't you see?Copy !req
412. We won for future Canadians, guy.Copy !req
413. So the little guy doesn't get
pushed around anymore.Copy !req
414. This was a victory for Canada's respect.Copy !req
415. Eh, what do you think you're doing?Copy !req
416. We're setting you adrift, idiot.Copy !req
417. Maybe you can go live with the Danish!Copy !req
418. You'll regret this day, friend!Copy !req
419. I'm not your friend, buddy!Copy !req
420. I'm not your buddy, guy!Copy !req
421. He's not your guy, friend!Copy !req
422. I'm not your friend, buddy!Copy !req
423. We're not your buddies, guy!Copy !req
424. I'm not your guy, friends!Copy !req