1. I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time,Copy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation,Copy !req
3. I'm goin out to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind,Copy !req
4. Ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor,Copy !req
5. I'm heading out to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind,Copy !req
6. I like girls with big fat titties,
I like girls with really big fat titties,Copy !req
7. So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine,Copy !req
8. Big Ring Slammer.
Comes with posable neck-smash grip.Copy !req
9. - That's pretty cool. Let's see...
- Cock!Copy !req
10. The Black Jackal.Copy !req
11. Karate Kick Panel Force
and bendable neck—Copy !req
12. Asshole! Cock!Copy !req
13. Asshole, shit,
shit, cock!Copy !req
14. Ma'am, is that
your son over there?Copy !req
15. Yes, I'm sorry. My son
has Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
16. - Tourette's Syndrome?
- It's a neurological disorder.Copy !req
17. - He can't control what he says.
- Oh...Copy !req
18. Shit!
Dumb shit!Copy !req
19. All right, Thomas.
Maybe we should go?Copy !req
20. All right Mom.
Bitch! Ass, bitch!Copy !req
21. Here, let's buy you
a nice toy to take home.Copy !req
22. Dude, that mom
is cool.Copy !req
23. Cockbutt!
Stupid shit!Copy !req
24. - Are you talking to me?
- No. Cocknose!Copy !req
25. - What's your problem, kid?
- Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
26. My son Thomas
has Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
27. What?Copy !req
28. Mom, let's just go.
Shit!Copy !req
29. People with Tourette's can't control
certain tics. It's—it's like a sneeze.Copy !req
30. Asshole, asshole!Copy !req
31. Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa.Copy !req
32. You're telling me there's an illness
that makes you blurt out obscenities?Copy !req
33. Mom, can we just
go home, please?Copy !req
34. It's okay, Thomas.
They understand.Copy !req
35. I want to go!
Shitfag!Copy !req
36. - Poor kid.
- Yeah.Copy !req
37. All right, hold on
just a second here.Copy !req
38. Are you telling me that if you have
this Tourette's SyndromeCopy !req
39. you can say whatever you want,
all the time, and never get in trouble?Copy !req
40. It's a neurological disorder.
He can't help it.Copy !req
41. Yeah.Copy !req
42. I've got a golden ticket...Copy !req
43. I've got an golden twinkle
in my eye.Copy !req
44. Hey, don't you wanna
buy that toy?Copy !req
45. I don't need the toy.
I've found something better!Copy !req
46. 'Cause I've got
a golden ticket!Copy !req
47. I've got a golden change
to make my way.Copy !req
48. It started about
four days ago, Doctor,Copy !req
49. and every day,
he seems to get worse.Copy !req
50. Puh- pussy!
Pussy! Cock! Shit!Copy !req
51. I was checking out
the Internet and...Copy !req
52. It almost seems like his symptoms are
like those in something called Tour...Copy !req
53. Tourette's Syndrome?Copy !req
54. Tourette's Syndrome?
What is that, Mommy?Copy !req
55. - Butthole! Titties! Balls!
- That doesn't seem likely.Copy !req
56. Tourette's is a hereditary disease,
it doesn't just suddenly start.Copy !req
57. Cocksucker!Copy !req
58. On the other hand, Tourette's does
often develop later in a child's life...Copy !req
59. getting progressively worse.Copy !req
60. Oh, well that's it! Shithead!
Asshole! Mexican sticky balls!Copy !req
61. Oh Doctor,
can you help him?Copy !req
62. We don't know very much
about Tourette's, I'm afraid.Copy !req
63. But we will give your son
all the help we can.Copy !req
64. But what about school,
Doctor?Copy !req
65. The teachers and the principal,Copy !req
66. they won't understand that
I can't control what I say.Copy !req
67. Don't worry, young man.Copy !req
68. We'll make sure everyone
understands your disease...Copy !req
69. and gives you the compassion
you deserve.Copy !req
70. Oh, that's awesome.
Thank you. Faggot!Copy !req
71. Shit! Butthole!Copy !req
72. Hey, Wendy.
Dumb bitch! Uh, sorry.Copy !req
73. Titties! Cock!Copy !req
74. Ginger retard!
Asslicker dickface!Copy !req
75. Dude, you'd better watch it.
The principal's right over there.Copy !req
76. Oh, good morning,
Principal Victoria.Copy !req
77. - Shitballs!
- Good morning, Eric.Copy !req
78. Did Cartman just say "shitballs"
to the principal?Copy !req
79. You didn't hear?Copy !req
80. Well Cartman has some mental disease
called Tourette's Syndrome or something.Copy !req
81. What?Copy !req
82. He's the luckiest kid
in the world.Copy !req
83. If I could say "shitballs"
to the principal,Copy !req
84. I'd be so happy.Copy !req
85. Excuse me, excuse me everyone, I guess
you might have noticed my awkward tics.Copy !req
86. Asshole!
Pussy asshole!Copy !req
87. I just want you to know that
I can't control it.Copy !req
88. It's okay, Eric. We all understand
and we think you're very brave.Copy !req
89. He's faking.Copy !req
90. Excuse me, everyone.
I need to have a moment aloneCopy !req
91. with my good friend Kyle?
Asscheeks!Copy !req
92. Kyle, apparently you missed
the school assembly yesterday,Copy !req
93. but I've been diagnosed with
a very serious mental condition.Copy !req
94. You do not have
Tourette's Syndrome, fatass.Copy !req
95. Okay, you figured me out.
Bravo, Kyle, bravo.Copy !req
96. Don't you see
how awesome this is?Copy !req
97. It's like, a magic cloak that makes me
impervious to getting in trouble.Copy !req
98. - Who cares about saying whatever you—
- Of course, if you want to beCopy !req
99. Sergeant Buzzkill once again...Copy !req
100. and spoil my fun because you're jealous
you didn't think of it first,Copy !req
101. - well go right ahead, Kyle.
- Whatever.Copy !req
102. Good morning, Mr. Mackey.
Asspussy!Copy !req
103. If I could say "asspussy"
to the counselor,Copy !req
104. I would be so happy.Copy !req
105. Okay, so what do we get when
we multiply a negative number—Copy !req
106. Dicktits!Copy !req
107. When we multiply a negative number
by another negative—Copy !req
108. Shit! Asshole!Copy !req
109. Excuse me.Copy !req
110. If we apply what we've just learned,
we see that all negatives can—Copy !req
111. Spooge balls
bloody vaginal belch.Copy !req
112. You guys, don't laugh. It makes me
feel insecure about my illness.Copy !req
113. All right kids, let's just try
to focus on learning, okay?Copy !req
114. Now all you need to remember here
is that negative numbers—Copy !req
115. - Tampon! Tampon dickshit!
- Will you knock it off already?Copy !req
116. Kyle, don't you think
I wish I could?Copy !req
117. I'd give anything
to be normal like you.Copy !req
118. - Kike.
- Don't push me, asshole!Copy !req
119. Kyle, watch your language!Copy !req
120. If I could yell "tampon dickshit"
in the classroom, I'd be so happy.Copy !req
121. Principal Victoria, it's just that Eric
has become such a distraction...Copy !req
122. I don't think I can teach
my class anymore.Copy !req
123. I understand it's been difficult,
Mrs. Garrison and so...Copy !req
124. Mr. Donaldson has come from
the Tourette's ToleranceCopy !req
125. and Understanding Foundation.Copy !req
126. Hello, Mrs. Garrison—
Ass. Ass.Copy !req
127. I want to help your class better
understand this illness. Piss!Copy !req
128. - No! Up yours, fatboy!
- Kyle, please! I'm sorry!Copy !req
129. Principal Victoria,
there's something you need to know.Copy !req
130. Cartman's Tourette's isn't real.
He's faking!Copy !req
131. Faking?Copy !req
132. You think people
with Tourette's are faking?Copy !req
133. No, I'm just saying
that I think—Copy !req
134. Do you have any idea how horrible
that is to say? Ass! Ass!Copy !req
135. We aren't faking, young man.Copy !req
136. Trust me, nobody wants this
illness, ass. Piss! Piss!Copy !req
137. That's right, Kyle.
Crap-filled vagina!Copy !req
138. This is the kind of
intolerance you teachCopy !req
139. at this school,
Principal Victoria?Copy !req
140. No.Copy !req
141. Then if you wouldn't mind,Copy !req
142. I'd like to take this bully to see
that Tourette's is very real.Copy !req
143. Piss.Copy !req
144. Kids, today during therapy class,
we have a special visitor. Ass.Copy !req
145. I wanted him to meet all of you so
he could try to understand Tourette's.Copy !req
146. Tourette's is like
a cough or a sneeze.Copy !req
147. It isn't contagious
like some people think.Copy !req
148. A lot of people with Tourette's have
different tics. My tic...Copy !req
149. is that I have to bend my neck
and snap my fingers.Copy !req
150. But a lot of people
don't even notice it.Copy !req
151. Aw, shit! Cock!Copy !req
152. Sometimes it can be embarrassing
to have Tourette's, but I...Copy !req
153. I've learned I shouldn't be
mad at myself.Copy !req
154. You see? These kids can't
control their actions.Copy !req
155. Ass!
Piss in the ass!Copy !req
156. Look, I was just
suggesting thatCopy !req
157. maybe this one person could
control what he said,Copy !req
158. but just didn't,
for fun.Copy !req
159. Fun? This really isn't
all that fun.Copy !req
160. Aw, shit!Copy !req
161. Piss, coming from
my ass!Copy !req
162. You wanna know
about fun?Copy !req
163. Going to public places knowing
you're going to make a fool of yourself.Copy !req
164. Embarrass your parents.
Aw, shit!Copy !req
165. My dad finally
couldn't take it anymore.Copy !req
166. He divorced my mom,
said he'd still be around,Copy !req
167. but I only see him
at Christmas time now.Copy !req
168. Shit! Shit!Copy !req
169. The worst part is I know
how lonely my mom is.Copy !req
170. A lot of times I know
she'd be better off if I was dead.Copy !req
171. Dude...Copy !req
172. Your mom would not be better off
if you were dead, Thomas.Copy !req
173. Even if people like Kyle
here think so.Copy !req
174. Aw, come on!Copy !req
175. So then you apologize
for what you said before?Copy !req
176. I was just trying to...Copy !req
177. Just in one instance...Copy !req
178. No. No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
179. Well, Mr. and Ms. Broflovski,
I think your son has learned a lotCopy !req
180. and he appears to be
honestly remorsefulCopy !req
181. for making fun of
people with disabilities.Copy !req
182. Piss. Piss!Copy !req
183. Our son is a good kid.Copy !req
184. He just didn't understand
Tourette's was a real disease.Copy !req
185. Well, I think the only thing
left nowCopy !req
186. is for your son to apologize
to his little classmate.Copy !req
187. Well, Kyle?Copy !req
188. I'm sorry.Copy !req
189. Oh, what was that?
I couldn't quite make that out, Kyle.Copy !req
190. - I'm sorry.
- You're starry?Copy !req
191. I don't get what you mean
by that, Kyle.Copy !req
192. You're starry because I...Copy !req
193. I said I'm sorry,
you piece of...Copy !req
194. Oh, no, don't worry about it, Kyle.
Now I understand.Copy !req
195. I've learned to deal with intolerance.
Dumbshit douchebag!Copy !req
196. And it means a lot that
you're standing here apologizingCopy !req
197. with your dad
and lovely mother.Copy !req
198. Fat Jew!
Jew bitch!Copy !req
199. - Oh, thank you, Eric.
- Thank you. Big-nosed kike!Copy !req
200. Well I thnk we can all
put this behind us now.Copy !req
201. Piss out my ass!Copy !req
202. Yeah. Piss out your ass right onto
Kyle's mom's fat fucking Jew face!Copy !req
203. Oh goodness, excuse me.
Jeez, that was a bad one.Copy !req
204. Well, gotta run, everybody.
Got some big things in the works.Copy !req
205. Isn't having
Tourette's awesome?Copy !req
206. Next week on Dateline NBC:
It's a Dateline special report.Copy !req
207. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
208. You probably know me from
To Catch A Predator,Copy !req
209. where we bust men
looking for sex with children.Copy !req
210. Go ahead and take a seat.
Take a seat right over there.Copy !req
211. Oh, God. Oh, no.Copy !req
212. - What are you doin' here?
- I'm just bein' stupid, I guess.Copy !req
213. But now we're switching our focus
from pedophiles to Tourette's syndrome.Copy !req
214. It all started when I received
this touchng letterCopy !req
215. from a brave little boy
in Colorado.Copy !req
216. Dear Mr. Hansen,
I have TourettesCopy !req
217. and I want the world
to understand what it's like.Copy !req
218. Won't you do
a special report on me...Copy !req
219. so that the world can learn
to accept us instead of laugh?Copy !req
220. Donkey boner!Copy !req
221. This Saturday on Dateline,
I'll be bringing you Eric's story,Copy !req
222. live and uncensored,
from his home in Colorado.Copy !req
223. Livingn with Tourette's:
The Eric Cartman Story.Copy !req
224. This Saturday
on Dateline NBC.Copy !req
225. Finally, my wish of going public
with my illness can come true.Copy !req
226. Goddamn Jews!
Suck my ass barf!Copy !req
227. Hello, Kyle.
Dickhead!Copy !req
228. What's this about you going
on live television on Saturday?Copy !req
229. Yes. It's all finally come to fruition.
The final cog in my master plan.Copy !req
230. This Saturday, I will go on
national television, live.Copy !req
231. I will say horrible things
on the air.Copy !req
232. Disspeakable things.
And people will call me brave.Copy !req
233. Cartman, there are people in the world
who really have Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
234. This isn't funny!Copy !req
235. Not funny? I have free rein
to say anything I wantCopy !req
236. and you get into trouble if you try
and stop me. Care for a Scotch?Copy !req
237. Scotch?Copy !req
238. Kyle, I've won.
No matter how you look at it.Copy !req
239. I've managed not only to get away with
saying whatever I want at schoolCopy !req
240. on the bus,
at the dinner table.Copy !req
241. But this Saturday, I will actually say
anything I want on national television.Copy !req
242. I'm going
to blast the Jews, Kyle.Copy !req
243. I'm going to call them
every name in the bookCopy !req
244. and people wlll call it
brilliant television.Copy !req
245. They'll probably give me
an Emmy.Copy !req
246. You are not going to go
on national televisionCopy !req
247. and spew a bunch of hate speech
about Jewish people.Copy !req
248. I won't let you do it,
Cartman.Copy !req
249. Then the game is on, Kyle.Copy !req
250. It's not a game, you derelict.
And this isn't Scotch! It's apple juice.Copy !req
251. Do you have any idea
how liberating it isCopy !req
252. to say whatever comes
to mind?Copy !req
253. Big titties! Buttmumch!
There's no walls anymore. Shit!Copy !req
254. Whatever enters my brain, I can
just say it without thinking about it.Copy !req
255. I wet my bed last night.Copy !req
256. - What did you say?
- Nothing...Copy !req
257. You aren't gonna get away with this,
you stupid asshole!Copy !req
258. That was weird.Copy !req
259. We are here today to congratulate
a brave little boy.Copy !req
260. Tonight, Eric Cartman
will go on televisionCopy !req
261. and become the spokesman
for Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
262. Piss out my ass!Copy !req
263. The spokesman for Tourette's?Copy !req
264. Oh no. Cock!Copy !req
265. Thanks, everybody.
Suck my balls!Copy !req
266. You've all been so understanding
and supportive of my illness.Copy !req
267. Jews bomber, dick sneeze.
And it is because of you...Copy !req
268. that I have the courage to go
on national television tonight.Copy !req
269. Titty sprinkles.Copy !req
270. If I could say "titty sprinkles"
on national television,Copy !req
271. I would be so happy.Copy !req
272. And I also just want to say
that I'm making this all up!Copy !req
273. I'm making this all up to you,
for putting up with my mental disorder.Copy !req
274. I cry at night because
I don't have a dad.Copy !req
275. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
276. It's okay, Eric.
We understand your illness, m'kay?Copy !req
277. What I meant to say was
asslicker cumballs.Copy !req
278. And I'm secretly in love
with Patty Nelson.Copy !req
279. I fantasize about
kissing Patty Nelson!Copy !req
280. Excuse me, I need a toilet!
Bathroom! Bathroom!Copy !req
281. Hey, Eric!Copy !req
282. Butters, do you think
it's possibleCopy !req
283. that you can lose your ability
to filter what you say?Copy !req
284. I mean, if somebody got used
to saying whatever came to their mind.Copy !req
285. Could they start saying things that
they would normally never say?Copy !req
286. - Who are you talking about?
- My cousin.Copy !req
287. My cousin one time, my cousin
and I touched wieners.Copy !req
288. You... you and your cousin
touched wieners?Copy !req
289. I didn't say that—
Yes I did, but why?Copy !req
290. Oh! Stop it!Copy !req
291. Excuse me! Excuse me,
I need to go! I gotta run!Copy !req
292. Is there a problem, sweetie?Copy !req
293. No, no problem.Copy !req
294. I just need to— My cousin
and I touched each other's...Copy !req
295. I just want to thank
everyone for coming—Copy !req
296. My cousin
and I touched wiener...Copy !req
297. We—wiener, we—weenter!
Winter is a cold time of year.Copy !req
298. Ah, I need
to be going now.Copy !req
299. Well, all right, Eric.
Well good luck on Dateline tonight.Copy !req
300. Dateline. Right.
I wet my ba—Copy !req
301. I touched my cousin's wee...
This sure has been fun! Goodbye!Copy !req
302. Tonight, an inside look
at Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
303. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
304. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
305. Uh, Mr. Hansen? I'm afraid
I can't do the show.Copy !req
306. - Why not?
- My grandma just died.Copy !req
307. So I have to go to Memphis.
That's not true. My grandma's fine.Copy !req
308. - Why don't you have a seat?
- No, I just need to get home.Copy !req
309. - I'm not doin' the show.
- Go ahead and take a seat.Copy !req
310. - But I'm not gonna do the—
- Take a seat, right over there.Copy !req
311. What are you doing here?Copy !req
312. I'm telling you that
I'm not doing the show?Copy !req
313. But you are doing
the show.Copy !req
314. You don't understand. All of a sudden,
I can't control what I say.Copy !req
315. Well of course you can't control
what you say. You have Tourette's.Copy !req
316. No! My Tourette's
has gotten worse!Copy !req
317. Before I just blurted out cool stuff
about Jews being lame and stuff.Copy !req
318. But now it's gotten
really bad.Copy !req
319. So I'm sorry, but I'm not
doing the show and that's it.Copy !req
320. Goodbye.Copy !req
321. - Why don't you take a seat?
- No, I don't wanna take a seat.Copy !req
322. - Have a seat.
- No, I'm just gonna go—Copy !req
323. Take a seat,
right over there.Copy !req
324. How does he do that?Copy !req
325. You know, one time, I was doing
a show called 'To Catch A Predator.'Copy !req
326. We almost caught
this pedophile,Copy !req
327. but then he ran from us because
he didn't wanna be on Dateline.Copy !req
328. Se we tracked him down to his house.
And you know what he did?Copy !req
329. He shot himself.Copy !req
330. It'd be a shame if you didn't
wanna go on Dateline.Copy !req
331. Be a shame if we had to track you down
and you "shot yourself."Copy !req
332. I just peed my pants.Copy !req
333. Live, from our satellite
studio in Colorado.Copy !req
334. This is Dateline.Copy !req
335. Tonight, an inside look at
Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
336. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
337. In a few minutes,
you will meet little Eric Cartman.Copy !req
338. Who wants the world
to understand his affliction.Copy !req
339. Five minutes, kid.Copy !req
340. Jesus Christ. How did
I get myself into this?Copy !req
341. God? Please,
I know I screwed up.Copy !req
342. I should have never pretended
to have Tourette's Syndrome,Copy !req
343. but see, I get it now.Copy !req
344. You can't just walk around saying
whatever you want.Copy !req
345. You gave us a filter because,
people don't wanna hear things like...Copy !req
346. I touched penises
with my cousin!Copy !req
347. And I learned,
you especially can't sayCopy !req
348. whatever you want on
national televison...Copy !req
349. because there could be
kids watching.Copy !req
350. Please, God, don't make me embarrass
myself on national television.Copy !req
351. You must see how this is all
somewhat your fault, right?Copy !req
352. Please,
I need a miracle.Copy !req
353. Tango, this is Foxtrot.
Are you in position?Copy !req
354. Copy Foxtrot.
Tango in position. Aw, shit!Copy !req
355. You sure you don't
wanna back out?Copy !req
356. No, you were right.
The fat kid is faking it!Copy !req
357. If he goes on TV,
more people will thinkCopy !req
358. that having Tourette's is fun.
Asshole shit!Copy !req
359. All right, then we go with the plan.
Just like 'To Catch A Predator.'Copy !req
360. The first guy is here.
This is probably HotForBoys219.Copy !req
361. Hi, are you CuteBilly182?Copy !req
362. Yeah. I was chatting
with you online. Shit!Copy !req
363. Oh God, I'm so turned on right now.
This is your house?Copy !req
364. Your, your parents
aren't home, are they?Copy !req
365. No, it's cool. Go on inside.
I made brownies. Shit!Copy !req
366. I'm just gonna slip into something
more comfortable. Cock!Copy !req
367. Okay. Cock!
Don't take too long.Copy !req
368. So now let's meet a child
who has Tourette's Syndrome,Copy !req
369. and who must fi—Copy !req
370. - Wait a minute. This ain't no house.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
371. Chris Hansen?
Oh no, it's a setup. I knew it!Copy !req
372. Sir, why don't you take a seat,
right over there?Copy !req
373. Now everyone's gonna know
I'm a perv!Copy !req
374. Aw, not again.Copy !req
375. - Kyle?
- Surprise, fatass!Copy !req
376. - Kyle, what are you doing?
- I went online posing as a boyCopy !req
377. who would have sex
with older menCopy !req
378. and told them to meet me here.
My plan worked perfectly.Copy !req
379. Hey, I brought you
some Wendy's.Copy !req
380. Yeah, go on in. There's
a hot tub inside.Copy !req
381. - Stupid shit!
- Score!Copy !req
382. Oh no,
it's Chris Hansen!Copy !req
383. - Who is that? What's going on?
- What the hell is going on?Copy !req
384. Wait a minute.
Oh God, it's Chris Hansen!Copy !req
385. - Chris Hansen!
- Dateline?Copy !req
386. - I knew it!
- There aren't really brownies!Copy !req
387. Hey! Do you have something to do
with this? Answer me!Copy !req
388. Stupid shit! Cock!Copy !req
389. What? Nobody talks to me like that!
Why don't you take a seat?Copy !req
390. - Take a seat, right over there.
- Suck it! Asshole licker dickfart!Copy !req
391. I'll— I'll tell on you!Copy !req
392. Wow, you're the coolest kid
in the world.Copy !req
393. If I could call Chris Hansen an
asshole-licking dickfart to his face,Copy !req
394. I would be so happy.Copy !req
395. - You would?
- Could I just like...Copy !req
396. hang out with you sometime?
Like, do your laundry maybe?Copy !req
397. Take a look, fatass!
I beat you!Copy !req
398. You aren't going on Dateline.
What do you have to say now?Copy !req
399. Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Kyle!Copy !req
400. What?Copy !req
401. I asked God to send
someone to help me.Copy !req
402. And you came, Kyle!
I love you, man!Copy !req
403. - No, I beat you!
- You totally saved my ass, Kyle.Copy !req
404. You must really care about me.
See you, Kyle!Copy !req
405. I gotta get to a psychiatrist
and learn to control what I say!Copy !req
406. I got a golden ticket!
Thanks to Kyle!Copy !req
407. I got a golden twinkle
in my eye!Copy !req
408. - Aw, shit.
- Aw, shit!Copy !req