1. spscriptoriumCopy !req
2. BardamuCopy !req
3. Italian Subs Addicted::Copy !req
4. Big Ring Slammer.Copy !req
5. Comes with posable neck-smash grip.Copy !req
6. That's pretty kewl.Copy !req
7. Let's see...Copy !req
8. Cock!Copy !req
9. The Black Jackal.
Karate Kick Panel Force and bendable neck-Copy !req
10. Asshole! Cock!Copy !req
11. Asshole! Shit, shit! Cock!Copy !req
12. Ma'am, is that your son over there?Copy !req
13. Yes, I'm sorry.
My son has Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
14. Tourette's Syndrome?Copy !req
15. It's a neurological disorder.
He-he can't control what he says.Copy !req
16. Oh!Copy !req
17. Shiit! Dumb shiiit!Copy !req
18. A-alright Thomas, maybe we should go?Copy !req
19. All right Mom- Bitch! Ass bitch!Copy !req
20. Here, let's buy you
a nice toy to take home.Copy !req
21. Dude, that mom is kewl.Copy !req
22. Cockbutt! Augh... Stupid shit!Copy !req
23. Are you talkin' to me?Copy !req
24. No. Cocknose!Copy !req
25. What's your problem, kid?Copy !req
26. Oh, a-I'm sorry.
My... son Thomas has Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
27. What?Copy !req
28. Mom, let's just go. Shhhit!Copy !req
29. People with Tourette's can't control
certain tics. It's it's like a sneeze.Copy !req
30. Asshole ASSHOLE.Copy !req
31. Wait waitwait whoa whoa whoa.Copy !req
32. You're telling me there's an illness
that makes you blurt out obscenities?Copy !req
33. Mom, can we just go home, please?Copy !req
34. It's okay, Thomas. They understand.Copy !req
35. I want tuh go!Copy !req
36. Poor kid!Copy !req
37. Yeah!Copy !req
38. All right, hold on just a second here:Copy !req
39. Are you telling me that if you have
this Tourette's SyndromeCopy !req
40. you can say whatever you want,Copy !req
41. all the time, and never get in trouble?Copy !req
42. It's a neurological disorder; he can't help it.Copy !req
43. Yeah!Copy !req
44. I've got a golden ticket.. I've got a golden
twinkle in my eye.Copy !req
45. Hey don't you wanna buy that toy?Copy !req
46. I don't need the toy!
I've found something better!Copy !req
47. 'Cause I've got a golden ticket!Copy !req
48. I've got a golden change to make my way!Copy !req
49. It started about four days ago, Doctor,
and every day he seems to get worse.Copy !req
50. - Puh-Pussy! Pussy! Cock! Shit!
- Oh dear!Copy !req
51. I was checking out
the Internet and ih,Copy !req
52. it almost seems like his symptoms are
like those in something calledCopy !req
53. "Tour, Tourette's Syndrome"?Copy !req
54. Tourette's Syndrome?Copy !req
55. What is that, Mommy?
Butthole! Titties! Balls!Copy !req
56. That doesn't seem likely.Copy !req
57. Tourette's is a hereditary disease;
it doesn't just suddenly start.Copy !req
58. .. Cocksucker!Copy !req
59. On the other hand, Tourette's
does often develop later in a child's life,Copy !req
60. getting progressively worse.Copy !req
61. Oh wuh, well that's it!Copy !req
62. Shithead! Asshole!
Mexican sticky balls!Copy !req
63. Oh Doctor, can you help him?Copy !req
64. We don't know very much
about Tourette's I'm afraid.Copy !req
65. But we will give your son
all the help we can.Copy !req
66. But what about school, Doctor?Copy !req
67. The teachers and the principal, they won't
understand that I can't control what I say.Copy !req
68. Don't worry, young man.Copy !req
69. We'll make sure everyone understands your disease
and gives you the compassion you deserve.Copy !req
70. Ohohh, that's awesome.
Thank you. Faggot!Copy !req
71. Shit! Butthole!Copy !req
72. Hey Wendy. DUMB BITCH! Uh, sorry.Copy !req
73. Titties! Cock!Copy !req
74. Ginger retard!
Asslicker dickface!Copy !req
75. Dude, you'd better watch it.
The principal's right over there.Copy !req
76. Uh, Good morning, Principal Victoria.Copy !req
77. Shitballs!Copy !req
78. Good morning, Eric.Copy !req
79. Did Cartman just say "shitballs" to the principal?Copy !req
80. Huhyou didn't hear?Copy !req
81. Well Cartman has some, mental disease
called Tourette's Syndrome or somethin'.Copy !req
82. What?Copy !req
83. He's the luckiest kid in the world.Copy !req
84. If I could say "shitballs" to
the principal I'd be sooo happy.Copy !req
85. Uh excuse me, excuse me everyone I,Copy !req
86. I guess you might have noticed my awkward tics.Copy !req
87. Asshole! Pussy asshole!Copy !req
88. Ach, augh, I just want you to know
that I can't control it.Copy !req
89. It's okay, Eric. We all understand
and we think you're very brave.Copy !req
90. He's faking.Copy !req
91. Excuse me everyone, I need to have
a moment alonen with my good friend Kyle?Copy !req
92. Asscheeks!Copy !req
93. Kyle, apparently you missed
the school assembly yesterday,Copy !req
94. but I've been diagnosed with a
very serious mental condition.Copy !req
95. You do not have Tourette's Syndrome, fatass!Copy !req
96. Oh, okay, you figured me out.Copy !req
97. Bravo, Kyle, bravo.Copy !req
98. Don't you see how awesome this is?Copy !req
99. It's like, a magic cloak that makes
me impervious to getting in trouble.Copy !req
100. - Who cares about saying whatever you-?
- Of course, if you want to be Sgt Buzzkill once again,Copy !req
101. and spoil my fun because you're jealous you
didn't think of it first, well go right ahead, Kyle.Copy !req
102. Grrhh, whatever.Copy !req
103. Good morning, Mr. Mackey.
Asspussy!Copy !req
104. If I could say "asspussy"
to the counselor I would be sooo happy.Copy !req
105. Okay, so what do we get when
we multiply a negative number-?Copy !req
106. Dicktits!Copy !req
107. - when we multiply a negative
number by another negative-?Copy !req
108. Shit! Asshole!Copy !req
109. 'Scuse me.Copy !req
110. Ih if we apply what we've just learned,
we see that all negatives can-Copy !req
111. Spooge balls bloody vaginal belch.Copy !req
112. You guys, don't laugh.Copy !req
113. It makes me feel insecure about my illness.Copy !req
114. All right kids, let's just try to focus on learning, okay?Copy !req
115. Now all you need to remember
here is that negative numbersCopy !req
116. Tampon! Tampon DICKshit!Copy !req
117. Will you knock it off already?Copy !req
118. Kyle, don't you think I wish I could?
I'd give anything to be normal like you.Copy !req
119. Kike!Copy !req
120. Don't push me, asshole!Copy !req
121. Kyle, watch your language!Copy !req
122. If I could yell "tampon dickshit"
in the classroom I'd be sooo happy.Copy !req
123. Principal Victoria, it's just that Eric has
become such a distraction I,Copy !req
124. I don't think I can teach my class anymore.Copy !req
125. I understand it's been difficult,
Mrs. Garrison, and so,Copy !req
126. Mr. Donaldson has comeCopy !req
127. from the Tourette's Tolerance
and Understanding Foundation.Copy !req
128. Hello Mrs. Garrison-Copy !req
129. Ass. ASS!Copy !req
130. I want to help your class better
understand this illness. PISS!Copy !req
131. - No! Up yours, fatboy!
- Kyle please! I'm sorry!Copy !req
132. Principal Victoria,
there's something you need to know!Copy !req
133. Cartman's Tourette's isn't real! He's faking!Copy !req
134. Faking?Copy !req
135. You think people with Tourette's are faking?Copy !req
136. N-no, I'm just saying that I think-Copy !req
137. Do you have any idea how horrible that is to say?Copy !req
138. Ass! ASS!Copy !req
139. We aren't "faking", young man. Trust me,Copy !req
140. nobody wants this illness, ass. Piss!Copy !req
141. PIISS!Copy !req
142. That's right, Kyle.
Crap-filled vagina!Copy !req
143. This is the kind of intolerance you teach
at this school, Principal Victoria?Copy !req
144. No.Copy !req
145. This if you wouldn't mind,
I'd like to take this "bully"Copy !req
146. to see that Tourette's is very real. Piss!Copy !req
147. Kids, today during therapy class
we have a special visitor.Copy !req
148. ASS!Copy !req
149. I, I wanted him to meet all of you
so he could try to understand Tourette'sCopy !req
150. Tourette's is like a cough or a sneeze.
It isn't contagious like some people think.Copy !req
151. A lot of people with Tourette's have different tics.
My tic...Copy !req
152. is that I have to bend my neck and snap my fingers.
But a lot of people don't even notice it.Copy !req
153. Aw shit! COCK!Copy !req
154. Sometimes it can be embarrassing
to have Tourette's, but I... Boop!Copy !req
155. I've learned I shouldn't be mad at myself.Copy !req
156. You see? These kids
can't control their actions.Copy !req
157. Ass! Piss iin the ass!Copy !req
158. L-look, I was just suggesting that maybe
this one person could control what he said,Copy !req
159. but just didn't, for fun.Copy !req
160. Fun?Copy !req
161. This really isn't all that fun. Brrrr!Copy !req
162. Aw shit!Copy !req
163. Boop!Copy !req
164. Piss coming from my ass!Copy !req
165. Yee-you wanna know about fun?Copy !req
166. Going to public places knowing
you're going to make a fool of yourself.Copy !req
167. Embarrass your parents. Aw shit!Copy !req
168. My dad... finally couldn't take it anymore.Copy !req
169. He... divorced my mom, s-said he'd still be around,Copy !req
170. but I only see him at Christmastime now.
S-sh-shit! S-sh-shit!Copy !req
171. The worst part is I know how lonely my mom is.Copy !req
172. A lot of times I know
she'd be better off if I was dead.Copy !req
173. Dude!Copy !req
174. Your mom would not be better off
if you were dead, Thomas.Copy !req
175. Even if people like Kyle here think so.Copy !req
176. Aw, come on!Copy !req
177. So then you apologize
for what you said before?Copy !req
178. Ah I was just trying to...Copy !req
179. just, just in one instance...Copy !req
180. No. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
181. Well, Mr. and Ms. Broflovski, I think your son has
learned a lot, and he appears to be honestly remorsefulCopy !req
182. for making fun of people with disabilities.
Piss. PISS!Copy !req
183. Our son is a good kid.Copy !req
184. He just didn't understand
Tourette's was a real disease.Copy !req
185. Well, I think the only thing left now is
for your son to apologize to his little classmate.Copy !req
186. Well Kyle?Copy !req
187. I'm sorry.Copy !req
188. Oh, what was that? I I couldn't
quite make that out, Kyle.Copy !req
189. I'm sorry.Copy !req
190. You're starry?Copy !req
191. I, I don't get what you mean by that, Kyle.
You're starry because uh I don't want it?Copy !req
192. I said I'm sorry, you piece of sh-Copy !req
193. Oh, oh, no, don't worry about it, Kyle.
Now I understand.Copy !req
194. I've learned to deal with intolerance.Copy !req
195. Dumbshit douchebag!Copy !req
196. And it means a lot that you're standing here
apologizing with your dad and lovely mother.Copy !req
197. Fat Jew! Jew bitch!Copy !req
198. Oh thank you Eric!Copy !req
199. Thank you. Big-nosed kike!Copy !req
200. Well I think we can all put this behind us now.
Piiiss out my aaass!Copy !req
201. Yeah. Piss out your ass right onto
Kyle's mom's fat fucking Jew face!Copy !req
202. Oh goodness, 'scuse me.
Jeez, that was a bad one.Copy !req
203. Well, gotta run, everybody.
Got some big things in the works.Copy !req
204. Isn't having Tourette's awesome?Copy !req
205. Next week on Dateline NBC:
it's a Dateline special report.Copy !req
206. I'm Chris HansenCopy !req
207. You probably know me from To Catch A Predator,
where we bust men looking for sex with children.Copy !req
208. Go ahead and take a seat.
Take a seat right over there.Copy !req
209. Oh God, Whoa no.Copy !req
210. What are you doin' here?Copy !req
211. I'm just' bein' stupid, I guess.Copy !req
212. But now we're switching our focus
from pedophiles to Tourette's syndrome.Copy !req
213. It all started when I received this touching letter
from a brave little boy in Colorado.Copy !req
214. Dear Mr Hansen, I have Tourette's and
I want the world to understand what it's like.Copy !req
215. Won't you do a special report on me,Copy !req
216. so the world can learn
to ACCEPT us instead of just laugh?Copy !req
217. Donkey Boner!Copy !req
218. This Saturday on Dateline I'll
be bringing you Eric's story, liveCopy !req
219. and uncensored,
from his home in Colorado.Copy !req
220. Livingn with Tourette's: The Eric Cartman Story.
This Saturday on Dateline NBCCopy !req
221. Finally, my wish of going public
with my illness can come true.Copy !req
222. Goddamn Jews!
Suck my ass barf!Copy !req
223. Hello, Kyle. Dickhead!Copy !req
224. What's this about you going
on live television on Saturday?Copy !req
225. Yes. It's all finally come to fruition.Copy !req
226. The final cog in my... master plan.Copy !req
227. This Saturday I will go
on national television, live.Copy !req
228. I will say ... horrible things on the air.
Unspeakable things.Copy !req
229. And people will call me brave.Copy !req
230. Cartman, there are people in the world
who really have Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
231. This isn't funny!Copy !req
232. Not funny?Copy !req
233. I have free rein to say anything I want
and you get into trouble if you try and stop me.Copy !req
234. Care for a Scotch?Copy !req
235. Scotch?Copy !req
236. Kyle I've won!
No matter how you look at it!Copy !req
237. I've managed not only to get away with saying whatever
I want at school, on the bus, at the dinner table,Copy !req
238. but this Saturday I will actually say anything I want...Copy !req
239. on national television.Copy !req
240. I'm going to blast the Jews, Kyle.Copy !req
241. I'm going to call them every name in the book,
and people wlll call it brilliant television.Copy !req
242. They'll probably give me an Emmy.Copy !req
243. You are not going to go on national television and
spew a bunch of hate speech about Jewish people!Copy !req
244. I WON'T LET YOU DO IT, CARTMAN!Copy !req
245. Then the game is on, Kyle.Copy !req
246. It's not a game, you derelict!Copy !req
247. And this isn't Scotch!
It's apple juice!Copy !req
248. Do you have any idea how liberating
it is to say whatever comes to mind?Copy !req
249. "Big titties! Buttmumch!"Copy !req
250. There's no walls anymore! "Shit!"Copy !req
251. Whatever enters my brain I can
just say without thinking about it.Copy !req
252. "I wet my bed last night."Copy !req
253. What did you say?Copy !req
254. Uhh nuh-nothing...Copy !req
255. You aren't gonna get away
with this you stupid asshole!Copy !req
256. Hm. That was... weird.Copy !req
257. We are here today
to congratulate a brave little boy.Copy !req
258. Tonight, Eric Cartman will go on televisionCopy !req
259. and become the spokesman
for Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
260. Piiiss out my aaass!Copy !req
261. The spokesman for Tourette's? Oh no...
Cock!Copy !req
262. Thanks, everybody. Suck my balls!Copy !req
263. You've all been so understanding
and supportive of my illness.Copy !req
264. Jews bomber dick sneeze.Copy !req
265. And it is because of you...Copy !req
266. that I have the courage to go
on national television tonight.Copy !req
267. Titty sprinkles.Copy !req
268. If I could say "titty sprinkles" on national
television I would be sooo happy.Copy !req
269. And I also just want to say that...
I'm making this all up!Copy !req
270. Uh, I... I...'m making this all up to you,
for putting up with my mental disorder.Copy !req
271. I cry at night because I don't have a dad.Copy !req
272. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
273. Uhit's okay, Eric.
We understand your illness, m'kay?Copy !req
274. No hey ut what, what I meant
to say was "asslicker cumballs".Copy !req
275. And I'm secretly in love with Patty Nelson.Copy !req
276. I fantasize about kissing Patty Nelson!Copy !req
277. Eewwww!Copy !req
278. Uhuh, excuse me I, I need a toilet!
Bathroom! Bathroom!Copy !req
279. Uh hey Eric!Copy !req
280. Butters, do you think it's possible that you
can lose the ability to filter what you say?Copy !req
281. I mean, if somebody got used to
saying whatever came to their mind,Copy !req
282. could they start saying things
that they would normally never say?Copy !req
283. Wuh who are you talking about?Copy !req
284. Uh, my cousin.Copy !req
285. My cousin one time
my cousin and I touched wieners.Copy !req
286. You... you and your cousin
touched wieners?Copy !req
287. I didn't say that YES I DID
BUT WHY? Oh! Stop it!Copy !req
288. Excuse me! Excuse me,
I gotta go! I gotta run!Copy !req
289. Is there a problem, sweetie?Copy !req
290. No, no problem.Copy !req
291. I just need to... Argh!
My cousin and I touched each other's-Copy !req
292. I just... no I...Copy !req
293. I just want to thank everyone for coming-
my cousin and I touched wiener-Copy !req
294. we wiener we, weenter!
Winter is a cold time of year.Copy !req
295. Ah, I need to be going now.Copy !req
296. Well all right Eric.
Well good luck on Dateline tonight.Copy !req
297. Dateline. Right.Copy !req
298. I wet my b-AAA!Copy !req
299. I touched my cousin's WEE-NUH!Copy !req
300. This sure has been fun! G'bye!Copy !req
301. Tonight, an inside look at Tourette's Syndrooome.Copy !req
302. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
303. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
304. Ah, Mr. Hansen?Copy !req
305. I'm afraid I can't do the show.Copy !req
306. Why not?Copy !req
307. My uh, my grandma just died,Copy !req
308. so I have to go to Memphis-
That's not true. My grandma's fine.Copy !req
309. Why don't you have a seat?Copy !req
310. No I just need to get home.
I'm not doin' the show.Copy !req
311. Go ahead and take a seat.Copy !req
312. But I'm not gonna do the-Copy !req
313. Take a seat, right over there.Copy !req
314. What are you doing here?Copy !req
315. I'm, I'm telling you that
I'm not doing the show?Copy !req
316. But you are doing the show.Copy !req
317. You don't understand!
All of a sudden, I can't control what I say.Copy !req
318. Well of course you can't coontrol
what you say. You have Tourehhtte's.Copy !req
319. No! My Tourette's has gotten worse!Copy !req
320. Before I just blurted out cool stuff
about Jews being lame and stuff.Copy !req
321. But now it's gotten really bad.Copy !req
322. So ah I'm sorry, but I'm not doin'
the show, that's it. Goodbye.Copy !req
323. Why don't you take a seat?Copy !req
324. Oh, I don't wanna take a seat!Copy !req
325. Have a seat.Copy !req
326. No, I'm just gonna go-Copy !req
327. Take a seat, right over there.Copy !req
328. How does he do that?Copy !req
329. You know, one tiiime, I was doin'
a show called "To Catch A Predator".Copy !req
330. We almost caught this pedophile, but then he raaan
from us 'cause he didn't wanna be on Dateline.Copy !req
331. So we tracked him down to his hoouuse.
And you know what he did?Copy !req
332. He shot himself.Copy !req
333. It'd be a shame if...
you didn't wanna go on Dateline.Copy !req
334. Be a shame if we had to track you
down and you "shot"yourself."Copy !req
335. Live, from our satellite studio in Colorado.
This! is Dateline.Copy !req
336. Tonight, an inside look at Tourette's Syndrome.Copy !req
337. I'm Chris Hansen.Copy !req
338. In a few minutes, you will
meet little Eric Cartman,Copy !req
339. who wants the world
to understand his affliction.Copy !req
340. Five minutes, kid.Copy !req
341. Jesus Christ. How did I get myself into this?Copy !req
342. God? Please uh, I know I screwed up.Copy !req
343. I should have never pretended to have
Tourette's Syndrome, but see, ah I get it now.Copy !req
344. You can't just walk around
saying whatever you want.Copy !req
345. You gave us a filter because,
people don't wanna hear things likeCopy !req
346. "I touched penises with my cousin!"
Ahaab, ahaabuh!Copy !req
347. And, and I learned, you especially can't
say whatever you want on national televison,Copy !req
348. 'cause, there could be kids watching.Copy !req
349. Please, God, don't make me
embarrass myself on national television.Copy !req
350. You... must see how this is all
somewhat your fault, right?Copy !req
351. Please. I need a miracle.Copy !req
352. Tango, this is Foxtrot.
Are you in position?Copy !req
353. Copy Foxtrot. Tango in position.Copy !req
354. Awww, shit!Copy !req
355. You sure you don't wanna back out?Copy !req
356. Nono, you were right.
The fat kid is faking it!Copy !req
357. If he goes on TV, more people will think
that having Tourette's is fun.Copy !req
358. Asshole shit!Copy !req
359. All right, then we go with the plan.
Just like "To Catch A Predator."Copy !req
360. The first guy is here.
This is probably HotForBoys219.Copy !req
361. Hi, are you CuteBilly182?Copy !req
362. Yeah. I was chatting
with you online. SHIT!Copy !req
363. Oh God, I'm so turned on right now.Copy !req
364. This is your house?
Your, your parents aren't home, are they?Copy !req
365. N-no, it's cool. Go on inside.
I made brownies. SHIT!Copy !req
366. I'm just gonna slip into something
more comf'table. COCK!Copy !req
367. Okay. Cock! Don't take too long.Copy !req
368. So now let's meet a child who
haaas Tourette's Syndrooome,Copy !req
369. and who must fi-Copy !req
370. Ho, whoa, wait a minute.Copy !req
371. This ain't no house.Copy !req
372. What are you doing?Copy !req
373. Chris Hansen?Copy !req
374. Oh no, it's a setup! I knew it!Copy !req
375. Sir, why don't you take
a seat, right over there.Copy !req
376. Now everyone's gonna know I'm a perv!Copy !req
377. Aw, not again.Copy !req
378. Kyle?Copy !req
379. Surprise, fatass!Copy !req
380. Kyle, what are you doing?Copy !req
381. I went online posing as a boy
who would have sex with older men,Copy !req
382. and told them to meet me here.Copy !req
383. My plan worked perfectly!Copy !req
384. Hey, I brought you some Wendy's.Copy !req
385. Yeah yeah, go on in.
There's a hot tub inside. STUPID SHIT!Copy !req
386. Score!Copy !req
387. Oh no, it's Chris Hansen!Copy !req
388. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
389. Wait a minute.
Oh God, it's Chris Hansen!Copy !req
390. Chris Hansen!Copy !req
391. Dateline?Copy !req
392. I knew it!Copy !req
393. There aren't really brownies!Copy !req
394. Hey! Do you have something to do with this?Copy !req
395. Answer meee!Copy !req
396. Stupid shit! Cock!Copy !req
397. What? Nobody talks to me like that!Copy !req
398. Why don't you take a seat?
Take a seat, right over there.Copy !req
399. Suck it! Asshole licker dickfart!Copy !req
400. Fine, you lil- I'll, I'll tell on you!Copy !req
401. Wow, you're the coolest kid in the world.Copy !req
402. If I could call Chris Hansen an asshole-licking
dickfart to his face, I would be sooo happy.Copy !req
403. You would?Copy !req
404. Could I just like, hang out with you sometime?
Like, do your laundry maybe?Copy !req
405. Take a look, fatass! I beat you!Copy !req
406. You aren't going on Dateline;
what have you got to say now?Copy !req
407. Oh thank you! Thank you Kyle!Copy !req
408. What?Copy !req
409. I asked God to send someone
to help me, and you came, Kyle!Copy !req
410. I love you man!Copy !req
411. No ah I beat you!Copy !req
412. You totally saved my ass, Kyle.Copy !req
413. You must... really care about me.Copy !req
414. See you Kyle!Copy !req
415. I gotta get to a psychiatrist
and learn to control what I say!Copy !req
416. I got a golden ticket! Thanks to Kyle!
I got a golden twinkle in my eye!Copy !req
417. Aww, shit!Copy !req