1. I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time,Copy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation,Copy !req
3. I'm goin out to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind,Copy !req
4. Ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor,Copy !req
5. I'm heading out to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind,Copy !req
6. I like girls with big fat titties,
I like girls with really big fat titties,Copy !req
7. So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine,Copy !req
8. All right, this time, it's me and Kenny
versus you two assholes.Copy !req
9. Fine.Copy !req
10. Oh, dude, what's with
all the homeless people?Copy !req
11. Sir, could you
move a little, please?Copy !req
12. Spare some change?Copy !req
13. Aw, dude, he smells like Kenny's house.
Get out of here!Copy !req
14. You guys, that's not cool.
These people have nowhere to go.Copy !req
15. They don't have food or shelter.
We have to do something.Copy !req
16. Well dude, what are
we supposed to do?Copy !req
17. Yeah, what are
we supposed to do?Copy !req
18. No, Kyle's right, you guys.
We should do something.Copy !req
19. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
20. I know what you're thinking, Kyle,
and I'm with you.Copy !req
21. I know exactly
what we should do.Copy !req
22. Gather around
and witness the gloryCopy !req
23. as Eric Cartman attempts
to jump his skateboradCopy !req
24. over the homeless.Copy !req
25. Thank you, thank you.
The ramp ready?Copy !req
26. Yeah, it's all set.Copy !req
27. He won't make it.Copy !req
28. Excuse me, this isn't exactly
what I had in mind!Copy !req
29. All right, here we go!
Jimmy?Copy !req
30. Yes! I did it!Copy !req
31. I jumped
over the homeless!Copy !req
32. - Yes!
- Yes, yes!Copy !req
33. - That was a sweet idea, Kyle.
- Goddamnit, that wasn't my idea!Copy !req
34. All right, people, we need to come up
with answers.Copy !req
35. There are homeless
sprouting up all over town.Copy !req
36. What are we
supposed to do?Copy !req
37. - Well, I short of had an idea.
- Please, Mr. Valmor.Copy !req
38. We could give the homeless all
designer sleeping bags and makeovers.Copy !req
39. At least that way,
they'd be pleasant to look at.Copy !req
40. - Oh, that's a good one.
- Good idea. I like it.Copy !req
41. Well, I was thinking:Copy !req
42. We could turn
the homeless into tiresCopy !req
43. so that we'd still have homeless,
but we could use them, on our cars.Copy !req
44. - Oh, that's a good one.
- Nice one, Randy.Copy !req
45. - Like it.
- That's like recycling.Copy !req
46. All right, enough!Copy !req
47. I find this whole conversation
to be extremely offensive!Copy !req
48. The homeless aren't monsters.
They are people, like you and me!Copy !req
49. You mean they've adapted,
copied our DNA.Copy !req
50. Excuse me.Copy !req
51. I am the top researcher of
homeless studies for Park County.Copy !req
52. I don't know why more homeless
people are showing up in town,Copy !req
53. but I do know...Copy !req
54. that we must
be extremely careful.Copy !req
55. If we give them anything,
there could be more.Copy !req
56. Hi.Copy !req
57. I've been saving up for
a new X-Box game but...Copy !req
58. but I think you could use the money
a lot more than I could.Copy !req
59. Listen, I-I want you to take this.
It's twenty dollars.Copy !req
60. Got any more?Copy !req
61. No, that's—
I thought that was a lot.Copy !req
62. Spare any change?Copy !req
63. You're welcome.Copy !req
64. Oh crap.Copy !req
65. Dude, what are all
these homeless peopleCopy !req
66. doing in front
of your house?Copy !req
67. I don't know.Copy !req
68. There's a bunch
outside my house too.Copy !req
69. - Spare any change, sir?
- No! Fuck off!Copy !req
70. I don't get it.Copy !req
71. My dad said as long as nobody
gave them money, they'd move on.Copy !req
72. - He did?
- Well, this is bullcrap!Copy !req
73. Somebody
has to be responsible.Copy !req
74. Well, I kind of gave a homeless guy
twenty dollars last night.Copy !req
75. You what?Copy !req
76. Oh come on, that can't be
why they're all here.Copy !req
77. There has
to be another reason.Copy !req
78. Kyle, what were you thinking?Copy !req
79. Yeah! I can't possibly jump
these many homeless people.Copy !req
80. I won't risk it!Copy !req
81. I could jump
two homeless people...Copy !req
82. maybe three,Copy !req
83. but asking me to jump this many
is asking me to risk my life, Kyle!Copy !req
84. I don't want you
to jump them, retard!Copy !req
85. - Spare some change?
- No, sorry, I don't have any change.Copy !req
86. - Got any change?
- No, sorry.Copy !req
87. Can you
spare some change?Copy !req
88. Change?Copy !req
89. I don't have any change.Copy !req
90. - Change?
- No!Copy !req
91. Change?Copy !req
92. Spare some change?Copy !req
93. Leave me alone.
I don't have any change.Copy !req
94. All right.
God bless you, sir.Copy !req
95. Oh, now I feel bad. Here!Copy !req
96. - Change?
- Change?Copy !req
97. No, that was really
all the change I had.Copy !req
98. - Spare some change?
- I just gave you change!Copy !req
99. Change?Copy !req
100. I don't have
any more change!Copy !req
101. No! I don't have any change!
I don't have any change!Copy !req
102. Okay, that'll be great.Copy !req
103. Let's also make sure
we have enough chairsCopy !req
104. in the community center
for everyone to attend.Copy !req
105. Stay away!
Stay away!Copy !req
106. Randy?
Randy, what happened?Copy !req
107. I don't have any change!
I don't have any change!Copy !req
108. This is a News 5 Special Bulletin,
with Chris Swollenballs.Copy !req
109. South Park has become overrun
with the homeless.Copy !req
110. Nearly every square inch
of public propertyCopy !req
111. is now riddled
with homeless,Copy !req
112. shutting down roadways and making
getting around impossible.Copy !req
113. Many people are trapped
throughout the town.Copy !req
114. Help! Help us!Copy !req
115. Dude, it's our dads.Copy !req
116. Oh my God.Copy !req
117. In the meantime, South Park citizens
are being advised to stay indoorsCopy !req
118. and protect their change.Copy !req
119. Spare some change?Copy !req
120. What the—
You can't be in here.Copy !req
121. - You got any change, sir?
- No, I don't have any change.Copy !req
122. How did he get in here?Copy !req
123. Change?Copy !req
124. No, please.
I don't have any change.Copy !req
125. Honest I don't.
I don't have any!Copy !req
126. You see
what you did, Kyle?Copy !req
127. Come on, we have to try
and help our stupid parents.Copy !req
128. They're everywhere!Copy !req
129. What are you boys doing?
Get in.Copy !req
130. Spare any change, sir?Copy !req
131. Come on, let's go!Copy !req
132. What the hell
were you doing outside?Copy !req
133. Our parents are stuck
on top of a building in town.Copy !req
134. You aren't getting
into town.Copy !req
135. It's completely overrun
with these things.Copy !req
136. No! No, I don't need
my windshield cleaned.Copy !req
137. Stop it. Stop it!Copy !req
138. Look, our only hope is to talk
to the homeless researcherCopy !req
139. out on Travis Street.Copy !req
140. He understands what's going on
better than anybody.Copy !req
141. Just stick with me, kids.Copy !req
142. - Holy shit, dude!
- Over here!Copy !req
143. Jump down! Go!Copy !req
144. Aw God, it really smells
like Kenny's house down here.Copy !req
145. Dude, shut the fuck up
about my house!Copy !req
146. Whoa, Kenny, relax dude.
We need to work together.Copy !req
147. Come on, we gotta get
to that scientist's house.Copy !req
148. No sign of anybody else.Copy !req
149. That's it. I'm gonna
make a break for it.Copy !req
150. Don't be crazy, Gerald. You'll never
get through all those homeless people.Copy !req
151. And even if you did, what then?
You can't drive anywhere.Copy !req
152. If I can make it
through them,Copy !req
153. maybe I can catch the bus
to Fairplay. I have to try.Copy !req
154. You won't make it
through, Gerald!Copy !req
155. - Change? Change sir?
- You got some change?Copy !req
156. - Don't have any change.
- Change!Copy !req
157. Don't have any change.Copy !req
158. Damnit! All right,
you want change? Here.Copy !req
159. There! There's some change.
All right, a little bit.Copy !req
160. There you go.
Take the change.Copy !req
161. Oh wait. Wait, now I don't have
any change left for the bus.Copy !req
162. Hold on. Can I just get back some
of that change, please?Copy !req
163. Change, sir?Copy !req
164. Can I have just a little change for
the bus, please?Copy !req
165. I need a little...
Anybody have some change?Copy !req
166. Change?
Got any change?Copy !req
167. What happened?Copy !req
168. He's become one of them.Copy !req
169. - Change?
- Change?Copy !req
170. - I got one.
- You got any change?Copy !req
171. - Go away, I don't have any change.
- Are you the head of Homeless Studies?Copy !req
172. Yes. Who are you?Copy !req
173. We think this may be
our friend's fault.Copy !req
174. He gave one of the homeless
twenty dollars yesterday—Copy !req
175. Oh my God.
Get in here!Copy !req
176. Tell me what's going on?Copy !req
177. There's a bunch of people
trapped in the middle of townCopy !req
178. surrounded by homeless people.Copy !req
179. We can't get to them.Copy !req
180. All right, all right, look!
I didn't wanna risk it, but...Copy !req
181. I think I know
what to do.Copy !req
182. I'll try to jump all those homeless
and get to the people on that roof.Copy !req
183. - Jump them?
- I jump the homeless professionally.Copy !req
184. If you can get me
a skateboard,Copy !req
185. I'll try to jump that homeless crowd
and save those people.Copy !req
186. Oh, shut up, Cartman. All you did
was jump over one homeless guy.Copy !req
187. I easily could have cleared another
thirty or forty.Copy !req
188. You barely made it
over one, fatass!Copy !req
189. Kyle, enough!Copy !req
190. Cartman jumping more homeless people
isn't gonna solve anything right now!Copy !req
191. God-damnit! I don't want him
to jump over more—Copy !req
192. Boys! Boys! I don't think you quite
understand how the homeless function.Copy !req
193. Perhaps you should come downstairs.
To my laboratory.Copy !req
194. We don't have any change!
Go away!Copy !req
195. - Anything, Steven?
- No.Copy !req
196. All the phone lines
are completely down.Copy !req
197. Hello? It's Steve Garrett
from the library.Copy !req
198. Please let us in.Copy !req
199. Find another place
to hide, Steve!Copy !req
200. I have others with me.Copy !req
201. We have nowhere else to go.
One woman here is pregnant.Copy !req
202. We can't just leave them
out there.Copy !req
203. Let us in! For God's sake,
they're coming!Copy !req
204. No! No, I'm sorry,
we don't have any change.Copy !req
205. You have
to let them in, Randy.Copy !req
206. There isn't enough food
for more people up here!Copy !req
207. Oh God. One of them
is a war veteran.Copy !req
208. We're gonna have
to give him some change.Copy !req
209. - This isn't happening!
- All right, all right, fine!Copy !req
210. Could you spare
some change, sir?Copy !req
211. I've dissected several homeless
to see what makes them tick.Copy !req
212. Their anotomy is shockingly
similar to ours.Copy !req
213. See? Everything is there:
Heart, lungs, kidneys.Copy !req
214. They're almost identical
to us in every way.Copy !req
215. Except for one.Copy !req
216. The homeless can survive
solely on change.Copy !req
217. Change?Copy !req
218. They feed
on our change.Copy !req
219. They need it in order
to keep them moving.Copy !req
220. Is that—
Is that some spare change?Copy !req
221. Somehow they're able
to take our changeCopy !req
222. and turn it into
nourishment, sustenance.Copy !req
223. - Spare some of that change, sir?
- But now watch.Copy !req
224. Spare some change?Copy !req
225. It has already completely forgotten
that I've given it change.Copy !req
226. It just wants...
more change.Copy !req
227. Look over here.Copy !req
228. This one I've kept deprived of change
for over three days.Copy !req
229. Change?Copy !req
230. - What's it doing?
- It's dying.Copy !req
231. Cool.Copy !req
232. I've learned that
the nearby city of EvergreenCopy !req
233. had a homeless problem
just before we did.Copy !req
234. And they were able
to stop it.Copy !req
235. Excuse me, the front door was open.
Can I borrow some change?Copy !req
236. Change?Copy !req
237. Oh my God,
they're coming in!Copy !req
238. Quick, kids. Get out of here.
You can fit.Copy !req
239. What about you?Copy !req
240. Get to Evergreen and find out
how they got rid of the homeless!Copy !req
241. I'll be all right!Copy !req
242. Eh!
Stop pushing, Kenny.Copy !req
243. Hello? I'm sorry, I just really
need some change for the bus?Copy !req
244. - Change?
- Spare some change?Copy !req
245. Stop it!
I really do need change!Copy !req
246. - Me too. Change?
- Change?Copy !req
247. Hello?
Do you have any change?Copy !req
248. Sorry to take
the easy way out.Copy !req
249. Ow! Oh, fuck!Copy !req
250. Ah! God!Copy !req
251. No. No, damnit!Copy !req
252. That's it. That's it, everyone.
We're out of Pop-Tarts.Copy !req
253. - No. We can't be.
- Face it, we're gonnna starve!Copy !req
254. No, no, wait.
There's still a box over here.Copy !req
255. Those are cherry!Copy !req
256. Wait, I got a signal!
I got a signal.Copy !req
257. - What? You do?
- How? Call the fire department.Copy !req
258. I'm calling my wife.Copy !req
259. Mary. Mary baby,
are you all right?Copy !req
260. - Oh, maybe we're gonna be okay.
- Ask her what's happening.Copy !req
261. Mary, what's going on out there?
Nobody's coming for us.Copy !req
262. They what? No!
That's impossible.Copy !req
263. But how can that be?
We didn't even—Copy !req
264. Hello? Mary.
Mary!Copy !req
265. What happened, Glen?Copy !req
266. There's no help coming!
She said...Copy !req
267. Because of all the homeless...Copy !req
268. Because of all the homeless
in South Park,Copy !req
269. property values
have plummeted.Copy !req
270. I had two liens against my house
and so the bank is foreclosing!Copy !req
271. I don't have
a home anymore.Copy !req
272. Randy, what are you doing?Copy !req
273. He's homeless now.
We aren't safe.Copy !req
274. - I'm not like them.
- Not yet. It's only a matter of time.Copy !req
275. And what are you gonna do, huh?
Just blow his head off?Copy !req
276. If we have to!
Sit down, Glen.Copy !req
277. - Randy, you can't just—
- Sit down!Copy !req
278. This is crazy.Copy !req
279. How can they just
take away my house?Copy !req
280. Where am I supposed
to put all my things?Copy !req
281. I don't have a place for all my stuff.
Where am I supposed to put all my stuff?Copy !req
282. I'll need to pay
for storage.Copy !req
283. Can I borrow some money
to put my stuff in storage?Copy !req
284. Come on, guys.
If you all just help me out a little bit.Copy !req
285. Each one of you just
put in a little change?Copy !req
286. Change?Copy !req
287. What the hell
happened here?Copy !req
288. That's far enough!Copy !req
289. Just march your butts
right back out of our town!Copy !req
290. We just came
to ask a question.Copy !req
291. You homeless
or homeowners?Copy !req
292. We're nine.Copy !req
293. Yeah? Well that makes you homeless,
so get out of here before you die!Copy !req
294. Look, we just need help with
our own homeless problem.Copy !req
295. Yeah. This Jew here made them
take over our town.Copy !req
296. Shut up, Cartman!Copy !req
297. Cartman?Copy !req
298. Eric Cartman?Copy !req
299. The kid who jumped
thirty homeless peopleCopy !req
300. on a skateboard?Copy !req
301. - You heard about that?
- Heard about it?Copy !req
302. They said you could have easily cleared
fifty homeless with that jump.Copy !req
303. Thirty was hard enough.Copy !req
304. Oh God! It wasn't thirty,
it was one!Copy !req
305. He jumped over one homeless person
with his stupid skateboardCopy !req
306. and he barely made it
over that guy!Copy !req
307. Kyle, knock it off!Copy !req
308. We're here to find out
how to get rid of the homeless,Copy !req
309. not how many homeless
Cartman can jump!Copy !req
310. Please, we just want you
to tell usCopy !req
311. how you got rid of
the homeless in your town.Copy !req
312. Well, that was easy.Copy !req
313. The homeless first started arriving
in Evergreen about three months ago.Copy !req
314. At first, there were only
a few of them,Copy !req
315. asking for change,
sleeping in the parks.Copy !req
316. But then more showed upCopy !req
317. and we realized there was
something different about them.Copy !req
318. They fed off of our change
to the pointCopy !req
319. that they could actually
start renting apartments.Copy !req
320. We knew it wouldn't
be long beforeCopy !req
321. the homeless actually
started buying homes.Copy !req
322. And then we'd have no idea
who was homeless and who wasn't!Copy !req
323. The people living in the house right
next door to you could be homelessCopy !req
324. and you wouldn't even know!Copy !req
325. Nobody could trust anybody.
Fights broke out. War!Copy !req
326. That's when I started suspecting
that my own wife...Copy !req
327. who I'd been living
with for twenty years,Copy !req
328. was actually homeless.Copy !req
329. So I had to burn her.
In her bed while she slept.Copy !req
330. After she died, I vowed I wouldn't let
the homeless destroy our town!Copy !req
331. So we came up with a plan to get
rid of them, once and for all.Copy !req
332. You son of a bitch.
You didn't solve your homeless problem.Copy !req
333. You just sent all your homeless
to South Park.Copy !req
334. That's right, yes.Copy !req
335. - What?
- I knew it!Copy !req
336. It wasn't because I gave
that guy twenty dollars.Copy !req
337. The homeless
all came from here!Copy !req
338. And it was Texas
who sent them to us!Copy !req
339. People in San Antonio
got rid of their homelessCopy !req
340. by telling them what a great place
Evergreen was!Copy !req
341. But then you didn't solve the problem,
you just moved it.Copy !req
342. Right.
But we survived.Copy !req
343. Dennis!Copy !req
344. Christine!Copy !req
345. You son of a bitch!
You tried to kill me!Copy !req
346. I had to, Christine.
You were homeless.Copy !req
347. No, I wasn't homeless,
you stupid asshole!Copy !req
348. Christine,
I can't understand you.Copy !req
349. Yeah! Because
you burned my lips off!Copy !req
350. I nurned your rip sauce?Copy !req
351. No!
You burned my lips off!Copy !req
352. I have no idea
what you're saying!Copy !req
353. Dude, our parents are just as stupid
as these people.Copy !req
354. Our town is gonna end up
just like this.Copy !req
355. No it isn't.
Come on, I have an idea.Copy !req
356. No, no, no, we're not having Cartman
jump any more homeless people, Kyle.Copy !req
357. That isn't my idea!Copy !req
358. I saw a bus in a garage a couple of
blocks back. We need to modify it!Copy !req
359. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
360. We're gonna save our parents
before they all kill each other.Copy !req
361. A bus!
A bus is coming!Copy !req
362. It's the boys! They've modified
a bus to get us out of here.Copy !req
363. I knew
they'd come back for us.Copy !req
364. - All right!
- Yeah.Copy !req
365. Look, Glen.
We're saved.Copy !req
366. All right,
I'm turning around.Copy !req
367. - Why are they turning?
- What are they doing?Copy !req
368. Don't leave us!Copy !req
369. - All right, hit it.
- Let's hope to Christ this works.Copy !req
370. California LoveCopy !req
371. California,Copy !req
372. Is nice to the homeless,Copy !req
373. California-nia,
Supercool to the homeless,Copy !req
374. In the city,Copy !req
375. City of Santa Monica,Copy !req
376. Lots of rich people
giving change to the homeless,Copy !req
377. Change?Copy !req
378. In the city,Copy !req
379. City of Brentwood,Copy !req
380. They take really good care,
of all their homeless,Copy !req
381. They're listening.
Let's go!Copy !req
382. In the city,Copy !req
383. Marina del Rey,Copy !req
384. They're so nice
to the homeless,Copy !req
385. Built a port about it,Copy !req
386. - They're leading them away!
- We're gonna be all right!Copy !req
387. Oh Glen!
We made it!Copy !req
388. California,Copy !req
389. Supercool
to the homeless,Copy !req
390. Change?Copy !req
391. California-nia,
Idn't on the tona,Copy !req
392. In the city,Copy !req
393. City of Venice,Copy !req
394. Right by Matt's house,
You can chill if you're homeless,Copy !req
395. Yes!
That's three homeless!Copy !req
396. Suck on that!
Fuck, yeah!Copy !req
397. Honestly, I don't know
what you see in this, Kyle.Copy !req