1. I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time,
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2. Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation,
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3. I'm goin out to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind,
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4. Ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor,
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5. I'm heading out to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind,
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6. I like girls with big fat titties,
I like girls with really big fat titties,
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7. So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine,
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8. All right students,
let's take our seats.
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9. Apparently, we have a little problem
here at the school,
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10. which we need to talk about.
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11. Ah yes. You mean
the Jew problem.
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12. Good, good. I'm glad we're finally
gonna do something about it.
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13. No, I mean
the problem of head lice.
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14. There's been a lice breakout
at a school in Denver,
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15. and we need to make sure
nobody spreads it here.
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16. - Somebody might have lice?
- Ewww!
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17. So today you're all
going to the gymnasium
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18. to have your scalps examined.
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19. Uh, th-that is
completely unnecessary.
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20. Everyone knows that
only poor people can get lice.
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21. The only person
that can spread it here is Kenny.
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22. What? Fuck you!
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23. I'm sure this class is clean,
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24. but we're gonna be examined
so that if anyone has the lice,
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25. we can stop it
before it spreads.
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26. Lice can live in
anybody's hair.
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27. Hello, Kelly.
How's my baby?
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28. You mean me
or the little one?
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29. I mean both.
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30. Well, besides a little loneliness
waiting for Daddy to come home,
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31. I guess we're both okay.
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32. How did a louse like me get so lucky
to have a louse like you?
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33. Luck had nothing
to do with it, Travis.
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34. You okay?
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35. Sometimes, I just worry
what kind of world
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36. our baby
is gonna grow up in.
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37. I need to run up to the forest
and do another sediment analysis.
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38. I'm worried we might be
overworking the tertiary layer.
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39. All students, make sure
you're in line according to your grade.
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40. When you reach
the front of the line,
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41. you will go behind the curtain
and remove any hats to be checked.
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42. Boy, I sure hope
they don't find lice in my hair.
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43. What do you think happens
if you do have it?
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44. They drag you out of here,
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45. put you in this big
containment facility,
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46. where they stick a cold metal pipe
up your ass with this clear jelly,
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47. and then
they shock your balls.
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48. I'm clean! I knew I didn't
have any stupid lice!
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49. This is ridiculous.
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50. All this just so they can send Kenny
and his stupid head lice home.
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51. Hey! Fuck you!
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52. Have a seat on the stool.
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53. - Uh-oh, looks like you've got 'em.
- What?
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54. You have lice. Let's see...
Clyde Harris, is it?
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55. Oh my God.
Oh Christ, no!
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56. Now now, it's all right.
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57. We're going to call your parents
and get you to your doctor.
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58. Please, ya-you don't understand.
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59. The other kids are gonna
make fun of me forever!
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60. I'm sure your friends
aren't that cruel.
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61. Yes, they are!
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62. Mr. President! Mr. President!
I believe we have a serious problem!
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63. The environment...
is changing.
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64. I believe it is somehow
reacting to our presence on it.
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65. And what do you base
this on?
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66. Look, this is
the world, right?
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67. But now, think of the world
as... a living being.
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68. If it were somehow conscious,
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69. then it would ultimately become
aware of our effect on it.
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70. Huh, right, the world is conscious.
It makes perfect sense.
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71. Hello. Anybody?
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72. If we have made
too much of an impact,
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73. then that consciousness
would try to snuff us out!
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74. I think we're looking
at a global catastrophe,
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75. the likes of
which we've never seen!
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76. Poodiggery and poppycock!
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77. I think we need to put all resources
now into a full investigation,
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78. perhaps even begin
a licewide evacuation.
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79. Evacuation? Tomorrow
is the Gootack Festival.
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80. Do you know how much
money we would lose?
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81. Escort Mr. Mayfield out.
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82. The President can't be
bothered any further.
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83. Damn you, Vice President Craig!
You could be killin' us all!
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84. This is so... embarassing.
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85. I have an ear infection.
What are you seeing the doctor for?
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86. I have...
I have AIDS.
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87. Clyde Harris?
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88. Yeah, that's a pretty
bad lice problem there.
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89. Good thing they pulled
you out of school.
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90. But why me, doctor? Why me?
How did I get this?
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91. Well, believe it or not, some lice can
actually attach themselves to flies,
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92. and then wait for the fly
to land on someone's head
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93. where they can reproduce.
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94. And then the lice that
live in your head now
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95. were probably all born there.
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96. Sick!
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97. This shampoo should take care of it.
Use this in the shower.
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98. Your scalp may burn
a bit afterwards, but...
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99. It should kill...
every last one of them.
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100. Travis? Everything okay?
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101. Kelly, I was just
thinkin' about our baby.
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102. I want
to name her Hope.
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103. - Hope?
- Hope for a... chance at tomorrow?
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104. It's raining? Now?
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105. Woo-hoo!
I love the rain!
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106. Oh my God.
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107. - We have to get out of here!
- What it, it's just rain.
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108. We have to get
out of here now, Kelly!
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109. What is that?
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110. Run!
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111. Everyone get up into the trees!
We have to get up high!
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112. Come on, Kelly!
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113. My God, Travis.
They're all dying!
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114. Don't look, Kelly!
Don't look!
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115. - What the hell is it?
- Well it's okay, we're safe up here!
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116. I don't think so!
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117. - Travis!
- Kelly! Hang on!
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118. I can't... hang on!
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119. You have to!
For the baby!
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120. Kelly! No!
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121. No!
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122. Okay, kids, today we're going to
review some Civil War history.
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123. Who can tell me
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124. - what year the war started?
- Wait, wait, whoa whoa.
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125. So what happened?
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126. With what?
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127. With the lice exam.
Did they find anybody with lice?
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128. Y-yes, some lice was discovered
and the proper action has been taken.
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129. - Somebody in this class?
- Uh, yes.
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130. Well, who was it?
It was Kenny, right?
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131. That doesn't matter,
it's over.
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132. Doesn't matter?
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133. If somebody had parasites
in their hair, we need to know who!
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134. - It was Kenny, wasn't it?
- I wanna know who it was, too.
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135. It's being
kept confidential!
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136. There's a policy in the schools
not to single out a kid who has lice
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137. because of the embarassment
it can cause, okay?
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138. That is bullcrap!
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139. You are denying
our rights as children
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140. to totally rip on that kid and make him
or her feel like an outcast!
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141. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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142. And we have a right to know
which boy had lice
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143. in his hair so we don't ever
go out with them!
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144. How do we know
it was a boy?
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145. It could just have easily been
one of you stupid girls!
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146. Yeah!
Dumb girls!
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147. The case is closed!
Whoever had the lice, they're dead now!
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148. We're moving on
to Civil War history.
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149. Ulysses S. Grant...
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150. Hope.
Hope, you're alive.
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151. My God...
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152. Help me...
Help me...
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153. Travis.
Over here!
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154. Travis, if you hadn't
warned us
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155. to get up in them trees,
we'd all be dead.
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156. How many survivors?
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157. Just the six of us.
And the vice president.
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158. You son of a bitch!
You had a chance to stop this!
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159. So help me, if we live through this,
I'm gonna see you rot in prison!
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160. - What do we do now?
- We aren't out of this yet!
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161. You two look
for other survivors.
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162. You get whatever food you can
and bring it back here.
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163. Who put you in charge?
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164. God did!
When he killed my wife!
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165. All right, the person who had head lice
needs to speak up right now,
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166. so that we know
to stay away from you!
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167. Yeah, come on! We're gonna
find out sooner or later.
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168. Okay, whoever you are,
you are now not only a licehead,
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169. you're a liar! You're only
making this worse on yourself!
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170. You know what?
I'll bet it was you!
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171. Me?
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172. This is exactly what you would do
if they found lice in your hair!
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173. Try to lead the charge
against somebody else
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174. to take the suspicion off
of yourself!
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175. I don't think so, Kyle!
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176. But you know what?
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177. This is exactly what you would do
if you had head lice!
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178. Try to get
everyone to blame me!
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179. You guys stop it!
This isn't getting us anywhere!
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180. That's exactly what you would do
if you had head lice, Stan.
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181. Yeah, try to have everyone make peace
so it doesn't seem like a big deal.
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182. And this is exactly
what Kenny would do:
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183. Stand here
and say nothing!
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184. Hey guys,
what would I do?
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185. Let's just get a magnifying glass
and look at everyone's heads.
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186. It's too late. The treatment
would have killed it all.
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187. Well I guess,
we're never gonna know.
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188. There's no way to tell.
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189. There's a way! There's a way to find out
who had sick-ass head cooties!
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190. And I'm gonna find it!
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191. It was him.
It had to have been him!
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192. Yeah...
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193. Or you.
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194. Mark? Mark,
you have to hang on.
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195. This isn't going to stop.
The world is rejecting us!
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196. If we're gonna live,
we have to get off this planet.
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197. How?
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198. First we have to get out of the forest,
into the forbidden zone.
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199. It's the only way we might
even see another planet!
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200. The forbidden zone...
We'll be exposed. We'll die out there.
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201. We'll die here!
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202. Look, the world is getting rid of us!
Don't you get it?
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203. Getting rid of us?
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204. You-you mean like it
knows what it's doing?
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205. Yes! Because maybe we rolled
the dice too many times!
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206. - I'm not leaving my husband.
- Yeah, I'll take my chances here.
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207. You can all stay here.
I'm gonna try to save my baby.
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208. I'll go with you.
There's nothing left for me here.
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209. - I wanna go too.
- Not a chance.
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210. Look, I know
I messed up, all right?
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211. But I think you're right.
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212. If we can get out of the forest,
we might find another place to live.
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213. If we find anything,
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214. we'll try to send help
for the rest of you.
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215. Let's go. Come on if you're comin',
Mister Vice President!
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216. Yeah.
Right behind you.
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217. All right,
lock that door, Craig!
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218. What's this about,
Cartman?
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219. I've come up with a test
that can determine
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220. if it was any of us
who had the head lice.
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221. We're gonna find out once and for all
who had head cooties.
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222. Lice feed on
a person's blood,
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223. and just like mosquitoes, they leave
behind small traces of their saliva
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224. in the host's bloodstream.
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225. That saliva,
is monochromagnic.
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226. So if an infected person's blood
is touched by—
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227. this hot metal coil, say...
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228. That person's blood will jump
10 meters into the air.
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229. R—really?
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230. That's retarded! You didn't come up
with that experiment, Cartman.
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231. You saw it
in that movie, The Thing!
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232. This is a scientific test,
designed to—
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233. You saw it in The Thing and
you're wasting everyone's time!
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234. I thought
you might say that, Kyle.
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235. Because you don't want
to take the test, do you?
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236. Nobody's blood is going
to jump up in the air!
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237. If it isn't going to work,
then what are you afraid of?
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238. The only person who wouldn't
want to take the test
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239. is somebody who was
worried it might work
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240. and reveal that they
were the ones with lice!
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241. Yeah. That's true.
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242. I have no problem taking the test.
I have nothing to h—hide.
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243. - Yeah. Me neither.
- All right, fine. I'll do the dumb test.
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244. Everyone take a Petri dish
and a syringe.
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245. We need at least 30 cc's of blood
from each one of you.
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246. All right, now everyone back over there!
We'll start with what I already know.
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247. Well, guess that proves Eric
wasn't the one with head lice.
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248. It doesn't prove anything!
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249. Yeah? Let's just see
what your blood does, Kyle!
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250. Huh, I guess
you're clean.
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251. Ye-you guys, we'd better go.
Recess is almost over.
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252. It's all right,
it won't take much longer, just...
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253. What the hell?
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254. Kenny!
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255. No way.
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256. You were right all along, Eric.
It was Kenny.
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257. Of course I was right!
I told you only poor people get lice!
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258. We've done it.
We've reached the forbidden zone.
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259. I've always heard
stories about this place.
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260. Never thought it was real.
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261. It's real. Real as my love
for my unborn baby.
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262. So what exactly
is your plan, Travis?
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263. Our ancestors came here
from another world.
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264. Maybe there's still other worlds
out there with life forms like us.
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265. Maybe there's even a world where
they've learned to live with the planet
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266. instead of just on it.
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267. Travis. Travis,
you're so wise, so strong.
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268. If we make it out of this,
I'd like to... be with you.
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269. Sorry, babe, but my heart
is forever stenciled
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270. in permanent ink
with the name Kelly.
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271. - She was a lucky woman to have you.
- Luck had nothin' to do with it.
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272. Sorry to cut
the honeymoon short!
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273. Why you murdering bastard!
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274. Your little fantasy
of another world ends here! Walk!
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275. What the hell do you want,
Vice President?
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276. Walk!
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277. Clyde, dude,
get down to the park.
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278. We caught Kenny, and
we're all gonna let him have it!
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279. What? What are you
gonna do to him?
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280. He lied to us all!
He betrayed his kind!
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281. We all know
what has to happen.
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282. Grab a sock and a bar of soap,
and meet us at the park!
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283. You guys, wait.
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284. What, Clyde?
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285. I... nothing.
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286. All right, see you there!
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287. Remember, bar of soap and a sock!
Kenny's gonna get it!
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288. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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289. Yeah! We're gonna
fu—fuck him up!
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290. - Yello?
- Mrs. Garrison,
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291. one of your students
is about to be attacked
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292. at the park
by all the other students.
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293. What? Who's going
to get attacked?
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294. Who is this?
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295. Please just hurry to the park!
You have to stop them!
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296. That's good!
That's far enough!
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297. What are you going to do?
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298. I'm gonna go back to the village,
start to rebuild,
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299. mate with the females,
become... President!
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300. Don't you get it?
The world doesn't want you here!
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301. It's not gonna stop
until you're dead!
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302. It was a disaster!
Disasters happen!
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303. Then go ahead and die there,
I'm leavin' with my baby!
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304. Actually, you're never
leaving here either, Travis!
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305. Damn you! Why?
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306. Because when I'm President,
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307. I can't have pests like you
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308. constantly trying to preach
that the world is alive!
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309. You're an idealistic fool!
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310. The world is not "conscious."
We are conscious!
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311. If the world was alive,
it would feel this!
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312. You die he...
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313. Kenny McCormick, you are charged with
bringing head cooties into our school,
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314. and lying about it to cover your ass!
How do you plead?
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315. Not guilty!
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316. Guilty! I thought so!
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317. All right, let's do this!
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318. You guys, maybe we should just...
wait a few more minutes?
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319. All right, Kenny.
You know what has to happen!
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320. Sock bath!
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321. Everyone wash Kenny with the soap
and dry him off with the socks!
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322. No! Not the socks!
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323. Wait...
Stop it, stop it!
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324. I can't let Kenny
be sock-dried.
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325. He had cooties
and he lied about it!
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326. Kenny didn't have
the head lice, all right?
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327. - It was me.
- What?
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328. I was the one. I was too afraid
to say anything,
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329. but I can't let Kenny be
sock-bathed for it.
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330. Why are you saying that, Kyle?
You can't be the one who had head lice.
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331. Because I was.
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332. You're just trying
to make me feel bad
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333. because you figured that out,
didn't you?
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334. Wait a—
Wait a minute, what?
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335. Oh I get it. This is some kind
of big trick on me!
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336. You've known I was the one
with head lice all along, huh?
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337. You had head lice?
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338. Of course!
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339. Why do you think
I went through that
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340. elaborate bullcrap experiment
to frame Kenny?
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341. You all had head lice!
Every single person in the class!
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342. The boys and the girls!
Lice spreads fast, you dumbasses!
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343. - I thought I was the only one.
- Me too.
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344. But that means...
that means Kenny was lying!
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345. - Sock bath!
- Yeah. Sock bath!
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346. Kelly.
Kelly, can you hear me?
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347. I don't know if you can.
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348. But... I wanted you to know I tried.
I tried to save our baby.
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349. But I let you down, babe.
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350. K-Kelly?
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351. You are welcome here.
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352. You're safe now.
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353. We've lived here for generation after
generation, never being disturbed.
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354. We made it, Hope.
We made it, Kelly!
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355. Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Angelina Jolie!
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356. Hello everyone!
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357. Hello!
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