1. Fellas, fellas!Copy !req
2. It's... oh, my God!Copy !req
3. You're not gonna believe this!Copy !req
4. Dude, Butters, calm down.Copy !req
5. Okay, okay.Copy !req
6. I was talking to Pete Richmond,Copy !req
7. and he said that Danny Chatswick saidCopy !req
8. that his sister told him that
the girls in our classCopy !req
9. have a list that rates every boy's looksCopy !req
10. from cutest to ugliest!Copy !req
11. So who do they say is the cutest?Copy !req
12. I don't know!Copy !req
13. Who do they say is the ugliest?Copy !req
14. I don't know!Copy !req
15. It's like a girl thing.Copy !req
16. They won't let anybody
see the list but them.Copy !req
17. They can't do that.Copy !req
18. Who are they to judge us on how we look?Copy !req
19. Yeah, you think they
rate us just for looksCopy !req
20. or they take personality into account?Copy !req
21. If it's just looks,
then I think I'm safe.Copy !req
22. You guys, who cares if the girlsCopy !req
23. made some stupid list?Copy !req
24. Girls make dumb lists all the time.Copy !req
25. Yeah, Kyle's right, screw it.Copy !req
26. We have better things to worry about.Copy !req
27. You're just saying that because you knowCopy !req
28. you're gonna be very last on the list.Copy !req
29. Oh, please, I don't think so, Craig.Copy !req
30. Chicks think I'm way hotter than you.Copy !req
31. You don't think they'd putCopy !req
32. the fat tub of lard at the bottom?Copy !req
33. No, because chicks
know I'm not fat, I'm buff.Copy !req
34. They probably put you at
the bottom of the list,Copy !req
35. 'cause you have fucked up teeth.Copy !req
36. Or Kenny 'cause he's poor.Copy !req
37. They didn't put me at the bottom.Copy !req
38. Did they?Copy !req
39. Kenny, face it, girls don't
wanna eat Pop-Tarts for dinnerCopy !req
40. every night when they get married.Copy !req
41. You don't think they saidCopy !req
42. I'm the ugliest boy
in the class, do you?Copy !req
43. If they did, my parents will ground me.Copy !req
44. You guys, do you really care
what a bunch of girlsCopy !req
45. have to say about how you rank in looks?Copy !req
46. All right, Bebe, let's see the list.Copy !req
47. What?Copy !req
48. You know what I'm talking about, bitch!Copy !req
49. The list where you rate the
looks of each boy in the class.Copy !req
50. That's not for boys to look at.Copy !req
51. It's a secret girl list,
and you can't see it.Copy !req
52. Craig is on the bottom, right?Copy !req
53. Or is it Kenny, 'cause you'd
be eating Pop-Tarts for dinnerCopy !req
54. if you married him?Copy !req
55. I'm not telling.Copy !req
56. And anyway I'm not the list keeper.Copy !req
57. Nelly is.Copy !req
58. And Nelly will never let you
look at it, so there.Copy !req
59. Pfpfpfpt!Copy !req
60. Pffpfpfppttt!Copy !req
61. Fuck you, Bebe!Copy !req
62. Fucking, bitch!Copy !req
63. Well, I guess we're never gonnaCopy !req
64. get that list from the girls.Copy !req
65. Screw that, dude.Copy !req
66. We're guys... we can out think them.Copy !req
67. All right, here's what we know:Copy !req
68. that chick Nelly is the oneCopy !req
69. who is in charge of holding
the list, right?Copy !req
70. She apparently keeps it
in a purple peachy folderCopy !req
71. and we need a plan to get it from her.Copy !req
72. This is what I callCopy !req
73. Cannot Possibly Fail.Copy !req
74. Neat-o!Copy !req
75. At 1:00 p.m tomorrow,Copy !req
76. Nelly will have to walk from Home Ec. to social
studies.Copy !req
77. That's our best time to strike.Copy !req
78. As she makes her way through hallway 3,Copy !req
79. Craig will be ready with a distraction device here.Copy !req
80. When she stops and turns to
Craig in the hallway,Copy !req
81. Butters will run up
and kick her in the balls.Copy !req
82. Okay!Copy !req
83. Once Butters kicks her in the balls,Copy !req
84. she'll fall to the floor,
dropping the peachy,Copy !req
85. and Kenny will swoop
in from corridor 3 deltaCopy !req
86. and grab the peachy.Copy !req
87. Are we good?Copy !req
88. Ow!Copy !req
89. What did ya do that for?Copy !req
90. Hey, what's your problem, asshole?Copy !req
91. Bail, bail!Copy !req
92. Okay, our mission failed,
but we've learned a lot.Copy !req
93. Primarily that girls do not have balls.Copy !req
94. They sure don't.Copy !req
95. Never mind, because
we are going to plan "b",Copy !req
96. one that I callCopy !req
97. Cannot Possibly
Fail A Second Time.Copy !req
98. When Nelly leaves
the cafeteria for recess,Copy !req
99. Kenny will jump in front of
her and spit on the ground...Copy !req
100. Ya think maybe girls keep their ballsCopy !req
101. on the inside of their tummies?Copy !req
102. Butters, we're done talking
about girls' balls right now.Copy !req
103. Pay attention.Copy !req
104. We got it!Copy !req
105. We got it!Copy !req
106. We got the list from the girls!Copy !req
107. Give that back, you dirty buttholes!Copy !req
108. Tape it to the wall, Kenny,Copy !req
109. Jason, watch the door!Copy !req
110. - Let me see! Who's first, who's first?
- Hurry, get it out there!Copy !req
111. How is it set up?Copy !req
112. It's listed in order
from cutest to ugliest.Copy !req
113. Clyde's number one.Copy !req
114. Me?Copy !req
115. I'm the cutest?Copy !req
116. And then Token and then me.Copy !req
117. I'm number two, wow!Copy !req
118. Come on, let me see, let me see!Copy !req
119. Oh, boy, I'm number 11!Copy !req
120. Whoopie!Copy !req
121. Number 11!Copy !req
122. Ha! Look at that!Copy !req
123. I'm hotter than you, fatso!Copy !req
124. What? That's bullcrap!Copy !req
125. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
126. Oh, so big deal, guys.Copy !req
127. You feel better now?Copy !req
128. Clyde's the best-looking
kid in the class,Copy !req
129. and then Token and Stan,Copy !req
130. and last is Francis, Cartman, and...Copy !req
131. Me?Copy !req
132. You're last, dude!Copy !req
133. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
134. - No way.
- Yes way!Copy !req
135. Check it out!Copy !req
136. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
137. Cartman, lay off.Copy !req
138. - You're next to last.
- So?Copy !req
139. I'm hotter than Kyle!Copy !req
140. I'm better looking than Kyle!Copy !req
141. Yes!Copy !req
142. I'm last... Last?Copy !req
143. Dude, it's just a stupid list, remember?Copy !req
144. I got voted the ugliest boy
in the whole class?Copy !req
145. Who cares what dumb girls think, right?Copy !req
146. Mom, Dad!Copy !req
147. I'm not the ugliest kid the class!Copy !req
148. Kyle Broflovski is!Copy !req
149. Well, good for you, Butters.Copy !req
150. Way to go, champ.Copy !req
151. Whoopie!Copy !req
152. Well, guess we don't have to ground him.Copy !req
153. Kyle, what's the matter?Copy !req
154. You've barely touched your knishes.Copy !req
155. The girls at school...Copy !req
156. they made a list and voted
me the ugliest boy.Copy !req
157. What? That's ridiculous!Copy !req
158. My little boobala is adorable!Copy !req
159. Look, I know I'm not
the best-looking guy in town,Copy !req
160. but I didn't think I was
the very ugliest.Copy !req
161. You're not ugly, Kyle.Copy !req
162. You're my perfect little man.Copy !req
163. You look just like your father.Copy !req
164. Oh, God I do?Copy !req
165. But he has his mother's nose.Copy !req
166. Ahghg!Copy !req
167. Kyle, you are very handsome
and perfect in every way.Copy !req
168. Ike, Ike, you have to be honest.Copy !req
169. Am I ugly? Yes or no?Copy !req
170. You all think I'm ugly!Copy !req
171. Jesus Christ, the least you
could have done is told me!Copy !req
172. Kyle, come back here!Copy !req
173. I'm better looking than you!Copy !req
174. The girls think I'm better
looking than you, Kyle!Copy !req
175. Dude, Kyle, can you hear me?Copy !req
176. They totally think I'm
hotter than you are!Copy !req
177. Kyle!Copy !req
178. Kyle, I'm more attractive!Copy !req
179. Kyle...Copy !req
180. Clyde, it's time to be getting to bed.Copy !req
181. Hey, what's goin' on?Copy !req
182. What's going on?Copy !req
183. Hey.Copy !req
184. Oh, yeah, hey, what's up?Copy !req
185. What's going on?Copy !req
186. Nice.Copy !req
187. There he is.Copy !req
188. Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
189. - Hey, Clyde.
- Hey, Clyde.Copy !req
190. - Hey.
- Hi, Clyde.Copy !req
191. What's going on?Copy !req
192. Hey, ugly!Copy !req
193. Hey, Kyle.Copy !req
194. Look, man, it doesn't matterCopy !req
195. what people think, okay?Copy !req
196. Y'know, Abraham Lincoln
was super-ugly too,Copy !req
197. but look what he accomplished.Copy !req
198. Chin up, cowboy.Copy !req
199. - Hey, what's going on?
- Oh, not much...Copy !req
200. Hey, nice... Nice, ears!Copy !req
201. Pizza face!Copy !req
202. Ha ha haa...Copy !req
203. Butters, that's not cool, man.Copy !req
204. He can't help how he looks.Copy !req
205. Kyle, I was going to suggest
that maybe you should...Copy !req
206. Hang out with the other
ugly kids in the school.Copy !req
207. Because if you hang out with them,Copy !req
208. you won't stand out so much, right?Copy !req
209. Cool.Copy !req
210. Hey.Copy !req
211. Hello.Copy !req
212. Are you going to eat your pickle?Copy !req
213. Ha ha ahahahahaa!Copy !req
214. Could somebody toss the football back?Copy !req
215. It's over there next to the ugly kids!Copy !req
216. I hate coming to de school.Copy !req
217. It makes me angwy.Copy !req
218. Yeah.Copy !req
219. Sometimes I just wadda bawn it down.Copy !req
220. Bawn the whole school down
to the gwound!Copy !req
221. No.Copy !req
222. You know what? Screw this!Copy !req
223. We aren't ugly.Copy !req
224. We're not?Copy !req
225. No!Copy !req
226. Maybe we just need a little
image change, you know?Copy !req
227. Like a makeover!Copy !req
228. Hey, yeah!Copy !req
229. Like you!Copy !req
230. Maybe you need to
just let your hair down.Copy !req
231. And let's see how you look
without those glasses.Copy !req
232. Let's just put those back on.Copy !req
233. I know, that song is so awesome.Copy !req
234. Uh, Wendy, could I talk to you?Copy !req
235. Of course, Stan.Copy !req
236. Just for a minute, over here.Copy !req
237. You think he's gonna beg
her to come back to him?Copy !req
238. This is a nice surprise.Copy !req
239. I thought you were never
speaking to me again.Copy !req
240. Yeah, well, I wanna talk to youCopy !req
241. about this list you girls made.Copy !req
242. Which one? We make lists all the time.Copy !req
243. The one where you rated
the boys looks in the class.Copy !req
244. Look, it really messed Kyle up, okay?Copy !req
245. How could you vote him the ugliest?Copy !req
246. Well, personally, I didn't
vote him the ugliest.Copy !req
247. My vote was for Eric Cartman.Copy !req
248. But enough of the other girls
must have thought that...Copy !req
249. so it wasn't unanimous.Copy !req
250. Maybe you can just change the list.Copy !req
251. Change the list?Copy !req
252. Do you have any idea
what that would take?Copy !req
253. Maybe you don't understand how importantCopy !req
254. list-making is to girls.Copy !req
255. It's not just something
we do flippantly.Copy !req
256. There's protocol.Copy !req
257. Can't we just talk to all
the girls who made the listCopy !req
258. and find out why they voted Kyle last?Copy !req
259. All right, I'll try to get you inCopy !req
260. to our next list-making meeting,Copy !req
261. but it won't be easy.Copy !req
262. Today's list meeting is called to order.Copy !req
263. Rebecca, you have the floor.Copy !req
264. If it pleases and sparkles,Copy !req
265. I suggest we continue
deliberations on list 47-d:Copy !req
266. "Which girl has the cutest purse."Copy !req
267. Rebecca moves we work on list 47-d.Copy !req
268. Does that sparkle with all the girls?Copy !req
269. Sunshine. Sunshine. Sunshine. Sunshine.Copy !req
270. Deliberating which girl
has the cutest purse.Copy !req
271. Milly has the floor.Copy !req
272. If it pleases and sparkles,Copy !req
273. I would like to submit
that Jennifer's purseCopy !req
274. is by far the cutest.Copy !req
275. Definitely cuter than Theresa's.Copy !req
276. I don't think anybody here disagreesCopy !req
277. that Jennifer's purse is
cuter than Theresa's,Copy !req
278. but it doesn't make it the cutest.Copy !req
279. The committee has already decidedCopy !req
280. that nothing with stripes can be inCopy !req
281. the top-five cutest purses.Copy !req
282. Sunshine sparkle, Wendy has the floor.Copy !req
283. If it pleases and sparkles,Copy !req
284. I would like to suggest that we...Copy !req
285. That we reopen last week's
list for debate.Copy !req
286. Reopen last week's list?Copy !req
287. Is she crazy?Copy !req
288. All right, all right,
come before the rainbow railing.Copy !req
289. Go ahead.Copy !req
290. Uh... I was just thinking
that maybe you votedCopy !req
291. a little hastily on the cutest boy.Copy !req
292. You thought you should be number one?Copy !req
293. No!Copy !req
294. Let me assure you thatCopy !req
295. no list is made hastily
by this committee.Copy !req
296. He didn't mean that.Copy !req
297. He was just saying maybe we shouldCopy !req
298. open it up again for discussion.Copy !req
299. I cannot, by sparkle law,Copy !req
300. move to have an old list investigated.Copy !req
301. However, if you can find recourseCopy !req
302. for such an inquiry, Wendy,
I would review it.Copy !req
303. Does that sparkle with all the girls?Copy !req
304. Sunshine. Sunshine. Sunshine. Sunshine.Copy !req
305. They all laugh at me...Copy !req
306. And the girls giggle behind my back...Copy !req
307. Unable to even glance
at my disfigured face.Copy !req
308. Do not burn down the school, Kyle.Copy !req
309. Who said that?Copy !req
310. I did.Copy !req
311. Do you know who I am?Copy !req
312. Abraham Lincoln?Copy !req
313. I am Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
314. Burning down the school
will not solve your problems.Copy !req
315. You think you've been cheated
because you are ugly,Copy !req
316. but I am here to show you otherwise.Copy !req
317. Come, there is much to see.Copy !req
318. I want you to look in here.Copy !req
319. This woman is Nancy Pinkerton.Copy !req
320. As a child, she was consistently votedCopy !req
321. the most beautiful
girl in her entire school.Copy !req
322. Her life as a youth
was filled with praisesCopy !req
323. and everything being handed to her.Copy !req
324. Boys told her she was special,Copy !req
325. she was funny, she was interesting.Copy !req
326. But that's only because she was hot.Copy !req
327. It wasn't until she reached age 40,Copy !req
328. when her looks started to fade,Copy !req
329. that she learned she was actuallyCopy !req
330. about as interesting
and special as a wet carrot.Copy !req
331. This is the home of your
new ugly friend, Yamal.Copy !req
332. Because he's ugly, he gets
nothing handed to him.Copy !req
333. He has to work at
making something of himself.Copy !req
334. But that work is gonna
pay off when he's an adult.Copy !req
335. He will have character:Copy !req
336. something kids who are hot
rarely develop.Copy !req
337. Like your classmate Clyde.Copy !req
338. Now that he knows he's good looking,Copy !req
339. he doesn't have to make any
effort to be special.Copy !req
340. No, Rebecca's just a friend.Copy !req
341. I wanna be with you now.Copy !req
342. Sure, yeah, I'll buy you some shoes too.Copy !req
343. Now his life will be about girls,Copy !req
344. chatting with them on the phoneCopy !req
345. and buying them shoes.Copy !req
346. He will most likely marry very youngCopy !req
347. and not realize until age 40Copy !req
348. that he's a total douche.Copy !req
349. And so you see, Kyle,Copy !req
350. it is actually the beautiful
kids who are cursed.Copy !req
351. But I can't wait to
be an adult to be happy.Copy !req
352. That's forever from now.Copy !req
353. You must be patient.Copy !req
354. Just take me home.Copy !req
355. I don't want to be here anymore.Copy !req
356. Take me home!Copy !req
357. Very well.Copy !req
358. Kyle, you need to think
about what I've told you.Copy !req
359. I don't want to.Copy !req
360. I don't want anybody telling meCopy !req
361. how to feel anymore!Copy !req
362. Well, then you're
just a fucking asshole!Copy !req
363. Wait a minute.Copy !req
364. Wait, Stan, I think I've got something!Copy !req
365. Take a look at this.Copy !req
366. During final deliberation
of the list for cutest boy,Copy !req
367. seven girls gave ClydeCopy !req
368. a glitter rating of only one sparkle!Copy !req
369. I have no idea what
you're talking about.Copy !req
370. It doesn't add up.Copy !req
371. It is possible that Rebecca
made a mistakeCopy !req
372. when she tallied the sunshine votesCopy !req
373. onto the final list!Copy !req
374. Oh, hey, Wendy!Copy !req
375. Hey, Rebecca!Copy !req
376. Do you still have the voter cardsCopy !req
377. for the list that rated the boys looks?Copy !req
378. Oh, Wendy, we're done with that list.Copy !req
379. I know, but I think
there's been a mistake.Copy !req
380. Six of the girls I've talked toCopy !req
381. didn't vote Clyde the cutest.Copy !req
382. That means that mathematically
he should have been...Copy !req
383. All right, you need to
stop digging around, Wendy.Copy !req
384. You might not like what you find.Copy !req
385. Just back off and stop asking questions.Copy !req
386. You're getting close to a secretCopy !req
387. that I don't think you can handle.Copy !req
388. Let it go.Copy !req
389. That didn't sparkle with her, did it?Copy !req
390. One canister of propane,Copy !req
391. six cans of lighter fluid,Copy !req
392. seven gallons of high-octane kerosene,Copy !req
393. and a box of matches.Copy !req
394. Okay, is that everything, little boy?Copy !req
395. That should just about do it.Copy !req
396. Would you like to put this on
your Tru Value card today?Copy !req
397. Honorary chair, misses secretary,Copy !req
398. I believe a member of our committeeCopy !req
399. has tampered with one of our lists.Copy !req
400. I've compiled a full report
and it turns out thatCopy !req
401. nobody voted Clyde
the cutest in the class.Copy !req
402. I believe Rebecca changed the listCopy !req
403. to make him number one.Copy !req
404. Why would she do that?Copy !req
405. Right after the list was made,Copy !req
406. Rebecca started going out with Clyde.Copy !req
407. You can read all
the discrepancies in here.Copy !req
408. We need to remake that list.Copy !req
409. You just couldn't let it go.Copy !req
410. What do you mean?Copy !req
411. Call the girls in!Copy !req
412. I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy.Copy !req
413. Did you know, Wendy,
that Clyde's father ownsCopy !req
414. the shoe store at the mall?Copy !req
415. A lot of us have
always wanted to date ClydeCopy !req
416. to get free shoes,Copy !req
417. but we couldn't because he
wasn't popular enough.Copy !req
418. You knew?Copy !req
419. Unfortunately, the members voted ClydeCopy !req
420. in the bottom five of the list.Copy !req
421. That's why we had
to manipulate the votes,Copy !req
422. forge a new list,Copy !req
423. and hide the real one.Copy !req
424. So that you all could justify
dating Clyde and get shoes?Copy !req
425. How dare you take
advantage of your position!Copy !req
426. I'm going to tell BebeCopy !req
427. and have you both disbarred
from the list committee!Copy !req
428. Bebe?Copy !req
429. Who do you think authorized the buyout?Copy !req
430. No, not Bebe.Copy !req
431. She's dating Clyde now.Copy !req
432. Nobody loves shoes more than her.Copy !req
433. What's going on?Copy !req
434. When the other girls find out
you ignored their votes...Copy !req
435. you really think they'll believe youCopy !req
436. over the heads of committee?Copy !req
437. We'll simply generate a new list:Copy !req
438. "biggest liars".Copy !req
439. And put you at the top.Copy !req
440. Do yourself a favor, Wendy.Copy !req
441. Just let it go and keep
your little mouth shut.Copy !req
442. I don't think so.Copy !req
443. Ughg!Copy !req
444. Stan, run!Copy !req
445. Jesus, dude!Copy !req
446. Hey, kid, have you seen Kyle?Copy !req
447. We've looked everywhereCopy !req
448. and we have to show him something.Copy !req
449. He's burning down de school.Copy !req
450. What?Copy !req
451. He said he's gonna burn
the school down to the gwound.Copy !req
452. All the cruel jokes and ridiculeCopy !req
453. will finally be over!Copy !req
454. Are you happy now, God?Copy !req
455. You made me look like this!Copy !req
456. Kyle, Kyle, don't!Copy !req
457. Don't try and stop me, Stan!Copy !req
458. You don't know how it feelsCopy !req
459. to be a deformed monstrosity!Copy !req
460. The list was a forgery, Kyle!Copy !req
461. Huh?Copy !req
462. It didn't sparkle with all the girls.Copy !req
463. We have the real list!Copy !req
464. That's about far enough!Copy !req
465. Give me that list, Wendy.Copy !req
466. Stan, what is going on?Copy !req
467. It was about shoes, Kyle.Copy !req
468. The girls wanted
shoes so they set you up.Copy !req
469. Kyle was simply a casualty.Copy !req
470. To move Clyde meant Craig
had to be moved to number 12,Copy !req
471. which moved Jimmy down
and moved Jason up.Copy !req
472. So what number was I?Copy !req
473. You've compromised everything,Copy !req
474. our lists' integrity!Copy !req
475. Did you see these shoes, Wendy?Copy !req
476. They're incredible.Copy !req
477. It doesn't matter how
incredible they are.Copy !req
478. You can't...Copy !req
479. Oh, my God, those are amazing.Copy !req
480. Right?Copy !req
481. Is that a lace across the top?Copy !req
482. No, it's a little strap!Copy !req
483. Wendy!Copy !req
484. Oh, but it doesn't matter!Copy !req
485. You took it too far!Copy !req
486. If you hadn't gone all Nancy Drew on usCopy !req
487. this would have just gone away.Copy !req
488. She's gonna kill us?Copy !req
489. It's too late, Bebe.Copy !req
490. I've already made a full reportCopy !req
491. and sent a copy to the police.Copy !req
492. People will know.Copy !req
493. Oh, please, you're lying.Copy !req
494. Give it up, Bebe.Copy !req
495. We know all about it.Copy !req
496. The list was compromised.Copy !req
497. Kyle Broflovski is not
the ugliest boy in the class.Copy !req
498. Wendy!Copy !req
499. Agh!Copy !req
500. Wait!Copy !req
501. I didn't do anything wrong!Copy !req
502. You can explain all that downtown.Copy !req
503. Here, Kyle.Copy !req
504. We've been through a lot,Copy !req
505. but you can finally see where
you really are on the list.Copy !req
506. You sure you're okay with this, Kyle?Copy !req
507. I'm sure.Copy !req
508. Abe Lincoln was right.Copy !req
509. I don't wanna find out I'm good lookingCopy !req
510. and become a total
shithead when I grow up.Copy !req
511. Abe Lincoln?Copy !req
512. Stan, it's been really great
hanging out with you again.Copy !req
513. I feel like you've changed somehow...Copy !req
514. In a really awesome way.Copy !req
515. Yeah, well...Copy !req
516. I guess a lot of
things change, don't they?Copy !req
517. Bleahhh!Copy !req
518. Bleaaaah!Copy !req