1. I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time,Copy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation,Copy !req
3. I'm going down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind,Copy !req
4. Ample parking day or night,
people shouting howdy neighbor,Copy !req
5. I'm heading on down to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind,Copy !req
6. I like girls with big vagina,
I like girls with big fat titties,Copy !req
7. So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine,Copy !req
8. Fellas! Fellas!
It's—Oh my god!Copy !req
9. You're not gonna believe this!Copy !req
10. Dude, Butters,
calm down.Copy !req
11. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
12. I was talking to Pete Wetchney
and he said that Danny ChadwickCopy !req
13. said that his sister told him that
the girls in our class have a listCopy !req
14. that rates every boy's looks
from cutest to ugliest.Copy !req
15. - So who do they say is the cutest?
- I don't know.Copy !req
16. - Who do they say is the ugliest?
- I don't know. It's like a girl thing.Copy !req
17. They won't let anybody
see the list but them.Copy !req
18. They can't do that. Who are they
to judge us on how we look?Copy !req
19. Yeah. You think they rate us
just for looksCopy !req
20. or they take personality
into account?Copy !req
21. If it's just looks
then I think I'm safe.Copy !req
22. You guys, who cares
if the girls make some stupid list?Copy !req
23. Girls make dumb lists
all the time.Copy !req
24. Yeah, Kyle's right. Screw it, we have
better things to worry about.Copy !req
25. You're just saying that because you know
you're gonna be very last on the list!Copy !req
26. Oh please, I don't think so, Craig!
Chicks think I'm way hotter than you!Copy !req
27. You don't think they put the fat tub
of lard at the bottom?Copy !req
28. No, because chicks know
I'm not fat! I'm buff.Copy !req
29. They probably put you
at the bottom of the listCopy !req
30. because you have
fucked up teeth!Copy !req
31. Or Kenny
'cause he's poor.Copy !req
32. They didn't put me
at the bottom, did they?Copy !req
33. Kenny, face it:
Girls don't wanna eat Pop TartsCopy !req
34. for dinner every night
when they get married.Copy !req
35. You don't think they said
I'm the ugliest boy in the class, do ya?Copy !req
36. Well if they did,
my parents will ground me.Copy !req
37. You guys, do you really care
what a bunch of girlsCopy !req
38. have to say about
how you rank in looks?Copy !req
39. - All right, Bebe, let's see the list.
- What?Copy !req
40. You know
what I'm talking about, bitch!Copy !req
41. The list where you rate the looks
of each boy in the class!Copy !req
42. That's not for boys
to look at!Copy !req
43. It's a secret girl list
and you can't see it.Copy !req
44. Craig is
on the bottom, right?Copy !req
45. Or is it Kenny because you'd be eating
Pop Tarts for dinner if you married him?Copy !req
46. I'm not telling! And anyway,
I'm not the list keeper, Nelly is.Copy !req
47. And Nelly will never
let you look at it, so there!Copy !req
48. Fuck you, Bebe!
Fuck you, bitch!Copy !req
49. Well, I guess we're never gonna
get that list from the girls.Copy !req
50. Screw that, dude! We're guys.
We can outthink them.Copy !req
51. All right,
here's what we know.Copy !req
52. That chick Nelly is the one who's
in charge of holding the list, right?Copy !req
53. She apparently keeps it
in a purple Pee Chee folderCopy !req
54. and we need
a plan to get it from her.Copy !req
55. This is what I call:
"Cannot Possibly Fail"Copy !req
56. Neato!Copy !req
57. At 1 PM tomorrow, Nelly will have
to walk from Home Ec to Social Studies.Copy !req
58. That's our best time
to strike.Copy !req
59. As she makes her way
through Hallway 3,Copy !req
60. Craig will be ready with
a distraction device here.Copy !req
61. When she stops and turns to Craig
in the hallway,Copy !req
62. Butters will run up
and kick her in the balls.Copy !req
63. Okay!Copy !req
64. Once Butters kicks her
in the balls,Copy !req
65. she'll fall to the floor,
dropping the Pee Chee,Copy !req
66. and Kenny will swoop in
from Corridor 3-DeltaCopy !req
67. and grab the Pee Chee.
Are we good?Copy !req
68. What you do that for?Copy !req
69. Hey, what's your problem,
asshole?Copy !req
70. Bail, bail!Copy !req
71. Okay, our mission failed,
but we've learned a lot.Copy !req
72. Primarily that
girls do not have balls.Copy !req
73. They sure don't.Copy !req
74. Nevermind because
we are going to Plan B.Copy !req
75. One that I call "Operation:
Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time."Copy !req
76. When Nelly leaves
the cafeteria for recess,Copy !req
77. Kenny will jump in front of her
and spit on the ground.Copy !req
78. You think maybe girls keep their balls
on the inside of their tummies?Copy !req
79. Butters, we're done talking about
girls balls right now! Pay attention!Copy !req
80. - We got it! We got it!
- We got the list from the girls!Copy !req
81. Give that back,
you dirty buttholes!Copy !req
82. Tape it to the wall, Kenny!
Jason, watch the door!Copy !req
83. It's listed in order
from cutest to ugliest.Copy !req
84. Clyde's number one.Copy !req
85. Me?
I'm the cutest?Copy !req
86. - And then Token and then me.
- I'm number two? Wow!Copy !req
87. Come on, let me see!
Let me see!Copy !req
88. Oh boy! I'm number 11!
Whoopie! Number 11!Copy !req
89. Ah! Look at that!
I'm hotter than you, fatso!Copy !req
90. What?
That's bullcrap!Copy !req
91. Oh, so big deal, guys!
Do you feel better now?Copy !req
92. Clyde's the best-looking kid
in the class.Copy !req
93. And then Token and Stan.Copy !req
94. And last is Francis,
Cartman, and...Copy !req
95. Me?Copy !req
96. You're last, dude!Copy !req
97. - No way.
- Yes way! Check it out!Copy !req
98. - Cartman, lay off! You're next to last.
- So? I'm hotter than Kyle.Copy !req
99. I'm better looking than Kyle!
Yes! I'm hotter than Kyle!Copy !req
100. I'm hotter than Kyle!Copy !req
101. I'm last? Last?Copy !req
102. Dude, it's just
a stupid list, remember?Copy !req
103. I got voted the ugliest boy
in whole class?Copy !req
104. Who cares
what dumb girls think, right?Copy !req
105. Mom, Dad! I'm not the ugliest kid
in the class! Kyle Broflovski is!Copy !req
106. - Well, good for you, Butters.
- Way to go, champ.Copy !req
107. Whoopie!Copy !req
108. Well, guess
we don't have to ground him.Copy !req
109. Kyle, what's the matter?
You barely touched your knishes.Copy !req
110. The girls at school. They made a list
and voted me the ugliest boy.Copy !req
111. What? That's ridiculous.
My little bubbeleh is adorable!Copy !req
112. Look, I know I'm not
the best-looking guy in town,Copy !req
113. but I-I didn't think
I was the very ugliest.Copy !req
114. You're not ugly, Kyle.
You're my perfect little man.Copy !req
115. You look
just like your father.Copy !req
116. Oh God! I do?Copy !req
117. But he has
his mother's nose.Copy !req
118. Kyle, you are very handsome
and perfect in every way.Copy !req
119. Ike, Ike, you have to be honest.
Am I ugly, yes or no?Copy !req
120. You all think I'm ugly.Copy !req
121. Jesus Christ, the least
you could have done is told me!Copy !req
122. Kyle, come back here!Copy !req
123. I'm better-looking
than you!Copy !req
124. The girls think I'm better-looking
than you, Kyle!Copy !req
125. Dude, Kyle.
Can you hear me?Copy !req
126. They totally think
I'm hotter than you are.Copy !req
127. Kyle!Copy !req
128. Kyle, I'm more attractive.Copy !req
129. Kyle?Copy !req
130. Clyde, it's time
to be getting to bed.Copy !req
131. Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
132. What's going on?
Hey.Copy !req
133. Oh yeah, hey, wassup?
What's going on?Copy !req
134. Nice.Copy !req
135. - Hey, what's going on?
- Hey, Clyde.Copy !req
136. - Hey.
- Hi, Clyde.Copy !req
137. What's going on?Copy !req
138. Hey, ugly!Copy !req
139. Hey, Kyle.Copy !req
140. Look man, it doesn't matter
what people think, okay?Copy !req
141. You know, Abraham Lincoln
was super ugly too,Copy !req
142. but look
what he accomplished.Copy !req
143. Chin up, cowboy.Copy !req
144. - Hey, what's going on?
- Oh, not much, just hanging around—Copy !req
145. Hey, nice, nice ears.
Pizza Face!Copy !req
146. Butters, that's not cool, man.
He can't help how he looks.Copy !req
147. Kyle, I was going to suggest
that maybe you should...Copy !req
148. hang out with the other ugly kids
in the school.Copy !req
149. Because if you hang out with them,
you won't stand out so much. Right?Copy !req
150. Cool.Copy !req
151. Hey.Copy !req
152. Hello.Copy !req
153. Are you going
to eat your pickle?Copy !req
154. Could somebody toss the football back?
It's over there next to the ugly kids.Copy !req
155. I hate coming to this school.
It makes me angry.Copy !req
156. Yeah.Copy !req
157. Sometimes, I just want
to burn it down.Copy !req
158. Burn the whole school
down to the ground!Copy !req
159. No. You know what?
Screw this! We aren't ugly!Copy !req
160. - We're not?
- No!Copy !req
161. Maybe we all just need a little image
change, you know? Like a makeover.Copy !req
162. Hey, yeah.Copy !req
163. Like you! Maybe you just need
to let your hair down.Copy !req
164. And let's see how you look without
those glasses.Copy !req
165. Let's just
put those back on.Copy !req
166. I know, that song
is so awesome.Copy !req
167. - Wendy. Could I talk to you?
- Of course, Stan.Copy !req
168. Just for a minute.
Over here.Copy !req
169. You think he's gonna beg her
to come back to him?Copy !req
170. This is a nice surprise. I thought
you were never speaking to me again.Copy !req
171. Yeah well, I wanna talk to you
about this list you girls made.Copy !req
172. Which one?
We make lists all the time.Copy !req
173. The one where you rated
the boys' looks in the class.Copy !req
174. Look, it really messed Kyle up, okay?
How could you vote him the ugliest?Copy !req
175. Look, personally, I didn't vote him
the ugliest.Copy !req
176. My vote
was for Eric Cartman.Copy !req
177. But enough of the other girls
must have felt he was—Copy !req
178. So it was unanimous.
Maybe you can just change the list.Copy !req
179. Change the list? Do you have
any idea what that would take?Copy !req
180. Maybe you don't understand
how important list-making is to girls!Copy !req
181. It's just not something
we do flippantly.Copy !req
182. There's protocol!Copy !req
183. Can't we just talk to all
the girls who made the listCopy !req
184. and find out
why they voted Kyle last?Copy !req
185. All right, I'll try and get you
into our next list-making meeting.Copy !req
186. But it won't be easy.Copy !req
187. Today's list meeting is called to order.
Rebecca, you have the floor.Copy !req
188. If it pleases and sparkles, I suggest
we continue deliberations on List 47D:Copy !req
189. Which Girl
Has The Cutest Purse?Copy !req
190. Rebecca moves we work on List 47D.
Does that sparkle with all the girls?Copy !req
191. Sunshine.Copy !req
192. Deliberating "Which Girl
Has The Cutest Purse"?Copy !req
193. Milly has the floor.Copy !req
194. If it pleases and sparkles,Copy !req
195. I would like to submit that
Jennifer's purse is by far the cutest.Copy !req
196. Definitely cuter
than Teresa's.Copy !req
197. I don't think anyone here disagrees that
Jennifer's purse is cuter than Teresa's,Copy !req
198. but it doesn't make it
the cutest.Copy !req
199. The committee
has already decidedCopy !req
200. that nothing with stripes can be
in the top five cutest purses.Copy !req
201. Sunshine Sparkle
Wendy has the floor.Copy !req
202. If it pleases and sparkles,
I would like to suggest that we...Copy !req
203. That we reopen
last week's list for debate.Copy !req
204. Is she actually crazy?Copy !req
205. Is she crazy?Copy !req
206. All right, come
before the Rainbow Railing.Copy !req
207. Go ahead.Copy !req
208. I was just thinking that
maybe you voted a littleCopy !req
209. hastily
on the cutest boy?Copy !req
210. You thought
you should be number one?Copy !req
211. No.Copy !req
212. Let me assure you that no list
is made hastily by this committee.Copy !req
213. He didn't mean that.Copy !req
214. He was just saying maybe we should
open it up again for discussion.Copy !req
215. I cannot, by Sparkle Law,
move to have an old list investigated.Copy !req
216. However, if you can find recourse
for such an inquiry, Wendy,Copy !req
217. I would review it.Copy !req
218. Does that sparkle
with all the girls?Copy !req
219. Sunshine.Copy !req
220. They all laugh
at me!Copy !req
221. And the girls
giggle behind my back!Copy !req
222. Unable to even glance
at my disfigured face.Copy !req
223. Do not burn
down the school, Kyle.Copy !req
224. - Who said that?
- I did.Copy !req
225. - Do you know who I am?
- Abraham Lincoln?Copy !req
226. I am Abraham Lincoln.Copy !req
227. Burning down the school
will not solve your problems.Copy !req
228. You think you've been cheated
because you are ugly,Copy !req
229. but I am here to show you otherwise.
Come! There is much to see.Copy !req
230. I want you
to look in here.Copy !req
231. This woman is
Nancy Pinkerton.Copy !req
232. As a child,
she was consistently votedCopy !req
233. the most beautiful girl
in her entire school.Copy !req
234. Her life as a youth
was filled with praisesCopy !req
235. and everything
being handed to her.Copy !req
236. Boys told her she was special.
She was funny. She was interesting.Copy !req
237. But that's only
because she was hot.Copy !req
238. It wasn't until she reached age 40,
when her looks started to fade,Copy !req
239. that she learned she was actually
about as interesting and special,Copy !req
240. as a wet carrot.Copy !req
241. This is the home of
your new ugly friend, Yamal.Copy !req
242. Because he's ugly,
he gets nothing handed to him.Copy !req
243. He has to work at making
something of himself.Copy !req
244. But that work is gonna pay off
when he's an adult.Copy !req
245. He will have character,Copy !req
246. something kids who are hot
rarely develop.Copy !req
247. Like your classmate, Clyde.Copy !req
248. Now that he knows
he's good-looking,Copy !req
249. he doesn't have to make
any effort to be special.Copy !req
250. No, Rebecca's just a friend.
I wanna be with you now.Copy !req
251. Sure, yeah,
I'll buy you some shoes too.Copy !req
252. Now his life
will be about girls.Copy !req
253. Chatting with them on the phone
and buying them shoes.Copy !req
254. He will most likely
marry very young,Copy !req
255. and not realize until age 40
that he's a total douche.Copy !req
256. And so you see, Kyle, it is actually
the beautiful kids who are cursed.Copy !req
257. But I can't wait
to be an adult to be happy.Copy !req
258. That's forever from now.Copy !req
259. - You must be patient.
- Just take me home!Copy !req
260. I don't wanna be here anymore.
Take me home!Copy !req
261. Very well.Copy !req
262. Kyle, you need to think about
what I've told you.Copy !req
263. I don't want to! I don't want anybody
telling me how to feel anymore!Copy !req
264. Well then,
you're just a fucking asshole!Copy !req
265. Wait a minute. Wait, Stan,
I think I've got something!Copy !req
266. Take a look at this: During final
deliberation of the list for cutest boy,Copy !req
267. seven girls gave Clyde a glitter rating
of only one sparkle.Copy !req
268. I have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
269. It doesn't add up.Copy !req
270. It is possible
that Rebecca made a mistakeCopy !req
271. when she tallied the sunshine votes
onto the final list.Copy !req
272. Oh, hey, Wendy.Copy !req
273. Hey, Rebecca.Copy !req
274. Do you still have the voter cards
for the list that rated the boys' looks?Copy !req
275. Wendy, we're done
with that list.Copy !req
276. I know, but I think
there's been a mistake.Copy !req
277. Six of the girls I've talked to
didn't vote Clyde the cutest.Copy !req
278. That means that mathematically,
he should have been—Copy !req
279. All right, you need to stop...
digging... around, Wendy!Copy !req
280. You might not
like what you find!Copy !req
281. Just back off
and stop asking questions!Copy !req
282. You're getting close to a secret that
I don't think you can handle. Let it go!Copy !req
283. That didn't sparkle
with her, did it?Copy !req
284. One canister of propane,
six cans of lighter fluid,Copy !req
285. seven gallons of high-octane kerosene
and a box of matches.Copy !req
286. Okay, is that everything,
little boy?Copy !req
287. That should
just about do it.Copy !req
288. Do you like to put this on
your True-Value card today?Copy !req
289. Honorary Chair,
Mrs. Secretary,Copy !req
290. I believe a member of our committee
has tampered with one of our lists.Copy !req
291. I've compiled a full report
and it turns out thatCopy !req
292. nobody voted Clyde
the cutest in the class.Copy !req
293. I believe Rebecca changed the list
to make him number one.Copy !req
294. - Why would she do that?
- Right after the list was made,Copy !req
295. Rebecca started going out
with Clyde.Copy !req
296. You can read
all the discrepancies in here.Copy !req
297. We need
to remake that list.Copy !req
298. You just couldn't
let it go.Copy !req
299. - What do you mean? Call the girls in.
- I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy!Copy !req
300. Did you know, Wendy, that Clyde's father
owns the shoe store at the mall?Copy !req
301. A lot of us have always wanted
to date Clyde to get free shoes,Copy !req
302. but we couldn't, because
he wasn't popular enough.Copy !req
303. You knew!Copy !req
304. Unfortunately, the members voted Clyde
in the bottom five of the list!Copy !req
305. That's why we had
to manipulate the votes,Copy !req
306. forge a new list
and hide the real one.Copy !req
307. So that you all could justify
dating Clyde and get shoes?Copy !req
308. How dare you take advantage
of your position!Copy !req
309. I'm gonna tell Bebe and have you both
disbarred from the list committee!Copy !req
310. Bebe? Who do you think
authorized the buyout?Copy !req
311. No. Not Bebe.Copy !req
312. She's dating Clyde now.
Nobody loves shoes more than her.Copy !req
313. What's going on?Copy !req
314. When the other girls find out
you ignored their votes, they're gonna—Copy !req
315. Do you really think they'll believe you
over the heads of the committee?Copy !req
316. We'll simple generate a new list!
"Biggest Liars"!Copy !req
317. And put you at the top!Copy !req
318. Do yourself a favor, Wendy.
Just let it go.Copy !req
319. And keep
your little mouth shut!Copy !req
320. I don't think so!Copy !req
321. Stan, run!Copy !req
322. Jesus, dude!Copy !req
323. Hey, kid,
have you seen Kyle?Copy !req
324. We've looked everywhere
and we have to show him something.Copy !req
325. - He's burning down the school.
- What?Copy !req
326. He said he gonna burn the school
down to the ground.Copy !req
327. All the cruel jokes and ridicule
will finally be over!Copy !req
328. Are you happy now, God?
You made me look like this!Copy !req
329. - Kyle! Kyle, don't!
- Don't try and stop me, Stan!Copy !req
330. You don't know how it feels to be
a deformed monstrosity!Copy !req
331. The list
was a forgery, Kyle!Copy !req
332. It didn't sparkle with all the girls.
We have the real list.Copy !req
333. That's about far enough!
Give me that list, Wendy!Copy !req
334. - Stan, what is going on?
- It was about shoes, Kyle.Copy !req
335. The girls wanted shoes,
so they set you up.Copy !req
336. Kyle was simply
a casualty.Copy !req
337. To move Clyde meant Craig
had to be moved to number twelve,Copy !req
338. which moved Jimmy down
and moved Jason up!Copy !req
339. So what number
was I?Copy !req
340. You've compromised everything!
Our list's integrity!Copy !req
341. Did you see these shoes, Wendy?
They're incredible!Copy !req
342. It doesn't matter how incredible
they are. You can't—Copy !req
343. - Oh my God, those are amazing.
- Right?Copy !req
344. - Is that a lace across the top?
- No, it's a little strap.Copy !req
345. Wendy?Copy !req
346. Oh. But it doesn't matter.
You took it too far!Copy !req
347. If you hadn't gone
all Nancy Drew on us,Copy !req
348. this would have
just gone away!Copy !req
349. - She's gonna kill us?
- It's too late, Bebe.Copy !req
350. I've already made a full report and sent
a copy to the police. People will know.Copy !req
351. Oh please, you're lying.Copy !req
352. Give it up, Bebe.
We know all about it.Copy !req
353. The list was compromised.Copy !req
354. Kyle Broflovski is not
the ugliest boy in the class.Copy !req
355. Wendy!Copy !req
356. - Wait, I didn't do anything wrong.
- You can explain all that downtown.Copy !req
357. Here, Kyle.Copy !req
358. We've been through a lot,
but you can finally seeCopy !req
359. where you really are
on the list.Copy !req
360. Are you sure
you're okay with this, Kyle?Copy !req
361. I'm sure.
Abe Lincoln was right.Copy !req
362. I don't wanna find out
I'm good-lookingCopy !req
363. and become a total shithead
when I grow up.Copy !req
364. Abe Lincoln?Copy !req
365. Stan, it's been really great
hanging out with you again.Copy !req
366. I feel like you've changed somehow.
In a really awesome way.Copy !req
367. Yeah well, I guess a lot of things
change, don't they?Copy !req