1. Episode 11x14
"The List"Copy !req
2. I'm going out to South Park
gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
3. Friendly faces everywhere
humble folks without temptationCopy !req
4. I'm goin out to south park
gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
5. Ample parking day or night
people spouting howdy neighborCopy !req
6. I'm heading out to south park
to see if I cant unwindCopy !req
7. I like girls with big fat titties
really big fat tittiesCopy !req
8. So come on out to south park
and meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. Fellas! Fellas! Oh my god!
You're not gonna believe this!Copy !req
10. Dude, Butters, calm down.Copy !req
11. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
12. I was talking to Pete Wetchney
and he said that Danny ChadwickCopy !req
13. said that his sister told him that
the girls in our class have a listCopy !req
14. that rates every boy's looks
from cutest to ugliest.Copy !req
15. So who do they say is the cutest?
- I dunno.Copy !req
16. Who do they say is the ugliest?
- I don't know. It's like a girl thing.Copy !req
17. They won't let anybody see the list but them.Copy !req
18. They can't do that. Who are they
to judge us on how we look?Copy !req
19. Yeah. You think they rate us just for looks
or they take personality into account?Copy !req
20. If it's just looks then I think I'm safe.Copy !req
21. You guys, who cares if the girls make some
stupid list? Girls make dumb lists all the time.Copy !req
22. Yeah, Kyle's right. Screw it, we have
better things to worry about.Copy !req
23. You're just saying that because you know
you're gonna be very last on the list!Copy !req
24. Oh please, I don't think so, Craig!
Chicks think I'm way hotter than you!Copy !req
25. You don't think they put the fat tub
of tard at the bottom?Copy !req
26. No, because people know I'm not fat!
I'm buff.Copy !req
27. They probably put you at the bottom of
the list because you have fucked up teeth!Copy !req
28. Or Kenny's because he's poor.
- They didn't put me at the bottom, did they?Copy !req
29. Kenny, face it: Girls don't wanna eat Pop Tarts
for dinner every night when they get married.Copy !req
30. You don't think they said I'm
the ugliest boy in the class, do ya?Copy !req
31. Well if they did, my parents will ground me.Copy !req
32. You guys, do you really care what a bunch of
girls have to say about how you rank in looks?Copy !req
33. All right, Bebe, let's see the list.
- What?Copy !req
34. You know what I'm talking about, bitch!Copy !req
35. The list where you rate the looks
of each boy in the class!Copy !req
36. That's not for boys to look at!
It's a secret girl list and you can't see it!Copy !req
37. Craig is on the bottom, right?Copy !req
38. Or is it Kenny because you'd be eating
Pop Tarts for dinner if you married him.Copy !req
39. I'm not telling! And anyway,
I'm not the list keeper, Nelly is!Copy !req
40. And Nelly will never let you look at it,
so there!Copy !req
41. Fuck you Bebe! Fuck you bitch!Copy !req
42. Well, I guess we're never gonna
get that list from the girls.Copy !req
43. Screw that, dude! We're guys.
We can outthink them.Copy !req
44. All right, here's what we know.Copy !req
45. That chick Nelly is the one who's
in charge of holding the list, right.Copy !req
46. She apparently keeps it in a purple Pee Chee
folder and we need a plan to get it from her.Copy !req
47. This is what I call:
"Cannot Possibly Fail"Copy !req
48. Neato!Copy !req
49. At 1 p.m. tomorrow, Nelly will have
to walk from Home Ec to Social Studies.Copy !req
50. That's our best time to strike.Copy !req
51. As she makes her way through Hallway 3,Copy !req
52. Craig will be ready with
a distraction device here.Copy !req
53. When she stops and turns to Craig
in the hallway,Copy !req
54. Butters will run up and kick her in the balls.Copy !req
55. Okay!Copy !req
56. Once Butters kicks her in the balls, she'll
fall to the floor, dropping the Pee Chee,Copy !req
57. and Kenny will swoop in from Corridor 3-Delta
and grab the Pee Chee. Are we good?Copy !req
58. What you do that for?Copy !req
59. Hey, what's your problem, asshole?Copy !req
60. Bail, bail!Copy !req
61. Okay, our mission failed,
but we've learned a lot.Copy !req
62. Primarily that girls do not have balls.
- They sure don't.Copy !req
63. Never mind, because we are going to Plan B,Copy !req
64. one that I call "Operation:
Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time."Copy !req
65. When Nelly leaves the cafeteria for recess,Copy !req
66. Kenny will jump in front of her
and spit on the ground.Copy !req
67. You think maybe girls keep their balls
on the inside of their tummies?Copy !req
68. Butters, we're done talking about
girls balls right now! Pay attention!Copy !req
69. We got it! We got it!
- We got the list from the girls!Copy !req
70. Give that back you dirty buttholes!Copy !req
71. Tape it to the wall, Kenny!
Jason, watch the door!Copy !req
72. It's listed in order from cutest to ugliest.
Clyde's number one.Copy !req
73. Me? I'm the cutest?Copy !req
74. And then Token and then me.
- I'm number two? Wow.Copy !req
75. Come on, let me see!Copy !req
76. Oh boy! I'm number 11!
Whoopie! Number 11!Copy !req
77. Ah! Look at that! I'm hotter than you, fatso!
- What? That's bullcrap!Copy !req
78. Oh, so big deal, guys!
Do you feel better now?Copy !req
79. Clyde's the best looking kid in the class.
And then Token and Stan.Copy !req
80. And last is Francis, Cartman, and...Copy !req
81. Me?Copy !req
82. You're last, dude!Copy !req
83. No way.
- Yes way! Check it out!Copy !req
84. Cartman, lay off! You're next to last.
- So? I'm hotter than Kyle.Copy !req
85. I'm better looking than Kyle!
Yes! I'm hotter than Kyle!Copy !req
86. I'm last? Last?Copy !req
87. Dude, it's just a stupid list, remember?
- I got voted the ugliest boy in whole class?Copy !req
88. Who cares what dumb girls think, right?Copy !req
89. Mom, Dad! I'm not the ugliest kid
in the class! Kyle Broflovski is!Copy !req
90. Well good for you, Butters.
- Way to go, champ.Copy !req
91. Whoopie!Copy !req
92. Well, guess we don't have to ground him.Copy !req
93. Kyle, what's the matter?
You barely touched your knishes.Copy !req
94. The girls at school. They made
a list and voted me the ugliest boy.Copy !req
95. What? That's ridiculous.
My little bubbeleh is adorable!Copy !req
96. Look, I know I'm not the best-looking guy in
town, but I didn't think I was the very ugliest.Copy !req
97. You're not ugly, Kyle. You're my perfect
little man. You look just like your father.Copy !req
98. Oh God! I do?Copy !req
99. But he has his mother's nose.Copy !req
100. Kyle, you are very handsome
and perfect in every way.Copy !req
101. Ike, you have to be honest.
Am I ugly, yes or no?Copy !req
102. You all think I'm ugly. Jesus Christ,
the least you could have done is told me!Copy !req
103. Kyle, come back here!Copy !req
104. I'm better-looking than you!Copy !req
105. The girls think I'm better-looking
than you, Kyle!Copy !req
106. Dude, Kyle. Can you hear me?Copy !req
107. They totally think I'm hotter than you are.Copy !req
108. Kyle!Copy !req
109. Kyle, I'm more attractive.Copy !req
110. Kyle?Copy !req
111. Clyde, it's time to be getting to bed.Copy !req
112. Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
113. What's going on? Hey.Copy !req
114. Oh yeah, hey, whassup?
What's going on?Copy !req
115. Nice.Copy !req
116. Hey, what's going on?
- Hey Clyde.Copy !req
117. Hey.
- Hi Clyde.Copy !req
118. What's going on?Copy !req
119. Hey ugly!Copy !req
120. Hey, Kyle. Look man, it doesn't
matter what people think, okay?Copy !req
121. You know, Abraham Lincoln was pretty
ugly too, but look what he accomplished.Copy !req
122. Chin up, cowboy.Copy !req
123. Hey, what's going on?
- Oh, not much, just hanging around-Copy !req
124. Hey, nice nice ears. Pizza Face!Copy !req
125. Butters, that's not cool, man.
He can't help how he looks.Copy !req
126. Kyle, I was going to suggest
that maybe you should...Copy !req
127. hang out with the other ugly kids
in the school.Copy !req
128. Because if you hang out with them,
you won't stand out so much. Right?Copy !req
129. Cool.Copy !req
130. Hey.Copy !req
131. Hello.Copy !req
132. Are you going to eat your pickle?Copy !req
133. Could somebody toss the football back?
It's over there next to the ugly kids.Copy !req
134. I hate coming to this school.
It makes me angry.Copy !req
135. Yeah.Copy !req
136. Sometimes I just want to burn it down.
Burn the whole school down to the ground!Copy !req
137. No. You know what?
Screw this! We aren't ugly!Copy !req
138. We're not?
- No!Copy !req
139. Maybe we all just need a little image
change, you know? Like a makeover.Copy !req
140. Hey yeah.Copy !req
141. Like you! Maybe you just need
to let your hair down.Copy !req
142. And let's see how you look without
those glasses.Copy !req
143. Let's just put those back on.Copy !req
144. I know, that song is so awesome.Copy !req
145. Wendy. Could I talk to you?
- Of course, Stan.Copy !req
146. Just for a minute. Over here.Copy !req
147. You think he's gonna beg her
to come back to him?Copy !req
148. This is a nice surprise. I thought
you were never speaking to me again.Copy !req
149. Yeah well, I wanna talk to you
about this list you girls made.Copy !req
150. Which one? We make lists all the time.Copy !req
151. The one where you rated the boys
looks in the class.Copy !req
152. Look, it really messed Kyle up, okay?
How could you vote him the ugliest?Copy !req
153. Look, personally, I didn't vote him
the ugliest.Copy !req
154. My vote was for Eric Cartman. But enough
of the other girls must have felt he was-Copy !req
155. So it was unanimous.
Maybe you can just change the list.Copy !req
156. Change the list? Do you have
any idea what that would take?Copy !req
157. Maybe you don't understand how
important list-making is to girls!Copy !req
158. It's just not something we
do flippantly! There's protocol!Copy !req
159. Can't we just talk to all the girls who made
the list and find out why they voted Kyle last?Copy !req
160. All right, I'll try and get you into our next
list-making meeting. But it won't be easy.Copy !req
161. Today's list meeting is called to order.
Rebecca, you have the floor.Copy !req
162. If it pleases and sparkles I suggest
we continue deliberations on List 47D:Copy !req
163. Which Girl Has The Cutest Purse?Copy !req
164. Rebecca moves we work on List 47D.
Does that sparkle with all the girls?Copy !req
165. Sunshine.Copy !req
166. Deliberating "Which Girl Has The Cutest
Purse"? Milly has the floor.Copy !req
167. If it pleases and sparkles,Copy !req
168. I would like to submit that Jennifer's
purse is by far the cutest.Copy !req
169. Definitely cuter than Teresa's.Copy !req
170. I don't think anyone here disagrees that
Jennifer's purse is cuter than Teresa's,Copy !req
171. but it doesn't make it the cutest.Copy !req
172. The committee has already decided that nothing
with stripes can be in the Top 5 cutest purses.Copy !req
173. Sunshine sparkle Wendy has the floor.Copy !req
174. If it pleases and sparkles,
I would like to suggest that we...Copy !req
175. That we reopen last week's list for debate.
- What'd she say? She's gotta be kidding!Copy !req
176. Is she crazy?Copy !req
177. All right, come before the Rainbow Railing.Copy !req
178. Go ahead.Copy !req
179. I was just thinking that maybe you
voted a little hastily on the cutest boy?Copy !req
180. You thought you should be number one?
- No.Copy !req
181. Let me assure you that no list
is made hastily by this committee!Copy !req
182. He didn't mean that. He was just saying maybe
we should open it up again for discussion.Copy !req
183. I cannot by Sparkle Law move
to have an old list investigated.Copy !req
184. However, if you can find recourse for
such an inquiry, Wendy, I would review it.Copy !req
185. Does that sparkle with all the girls?Copy !req
186. Sunshine.Copy !req
187. They all laugh at me!Copy !req
188. And the girls giggle behind my back!
Unable to even glance at my disfigured face.Copy !req
189. Do not burn down the school, Kyle.Copy !req
190. Who said that?
- I did.Copy !req
191. Do you know who I am?
- Abraham Lincoln?Copy !req
192. I am Abraham Lincoln. Burning down the
school will not solve your problems.Copy !req
193. You think you've been cheated
because you are ugly,Copy !req
194. but I am here to show you otherwise.
Come! There is much to see.Copy !req
195. I want you to look in here.Copy !req
196. This woman is Nancy Pinkerton.Copy !req
197. As a child she was consistently the
most beautiful girl in her entire school.Copy !req
198. Her life as a youth was filled with praises
and everything being handed to her.Copy !req
199. Boys told her she was special.
She was funny. She was interesting.Copy !req
200. But that's only because she was hot.Copy !req
201. It wasn't until she reached age 40,
when her looks started to fade,Copy !req
202. that she learned she was actually about
as interesting and special, as a wet carrot.Copy !req
203. This is the home of your new ugly friend,
Yamal.Copy !req
204. Because he's ugly,
he gets nothing handed to him.Copy !req
205. He has to work at making something of himself.Copy !req
206. But that work is gonna pay off
when he's an adult.Copy !req
207. He will have character, something
that kids who are hot rarely develop.Copy !req
208. Like your classmate, Clyde.Copy !req
209. Now that he knows he's good-looking, he doesn't
have to make any effort to be special.Copy !req
210. No, Rebecca's just a friend.
I wanna be with you now.Copy !req
211. Sure, yeah, I'll buy you some shoes too.Copy !req
212. Now his life will be about girls.Copy !req
213. Chatting with them on the phone
and buying them shoes.Copy !req
214. He will most likely marry very young,Copy !req
215. and not realize until age 40
that he's a total douche.Copy !req
216. And so you see, Kyle, it is actually
the beautiful kids that are cursed.Copy !req
217. But I can't wait to be an adult to
be happy. That's forever from now.Copy !req
218. You must be patient.
- Just take me home!Copy !req
219. I don't wanna be here anymore!
Take me home!Copy !req
220. Very well.Copy !req
221. Kyle, you need to think about
what I've told you.Copy !req
222. I don't want to! I don't want anybody
telling me how to feel anymore!Copy !req
223. Well then you're just a fucking asshole!Copy !req
224. Wait a minute. Wait, Stan,
I think I've got something!Copy !req
225. Take a look at this: during final
deliberation of the list for cutest boy,Copy !req
226. seven girls gave Clyde a glitter rating
of only one sparkle.Copy !req
227. I have no idea what you're talking about.
- It doesn't add up.Copy !req
228. It is possible that Rebecca made a mistakeCopy !req
229. when she tallied the sunshine votes
onto the final list.Copy !req
230. Oh, hey Wendy.Copy !req
231. Hey Rebecca. Do you still have the voter
cards for the list that rated the boys looks?Copy !req
232. Wendy, we're done with that list.Copy !req
233. I know, but I think there's been a mistake.Copy !req
234. Six of the girls I've talked to didn't
vote Clyde the cutest.Copy !req
235. That means that mathematically
he should have been-Copy !req
236. All right, you need to stop.
Digging. Around, Wendy!Copy !req
237. You might not like what you find!Copy !req
238. Just back off and stop asking questions!Copy !req
239. You're getting close to a secret that
I don't think you can handle! Let it go!Copy !req
240. That didn't sparkle with her, did it?Copy !req
241. One canister of propane,
six cans of lighter fluid,Copy !req
242. seven gallons of high-octane kerosene
and a box of matches.Copy !req
243. Okay, is that everything, little boy?
- That should just about do it.Copy !req
244. Do you like to put this on your
True-Value card today?Copy !req
245. Honorary Chair, Mrs. Secretary,Copy !req
246. I believe a member of our committee
has tampered with one of our lists.Copy !req
247. I've compiled a full report and it turns out
that nobody voted Clude the cutest in the class.Copy !req
248. I believe Rebecca changed the list
to make him number one.Copy !req
249. Why would she do that?
- Right after the list was made,Copy !req
250. Rebecca started going out with Clyde.
You can read all the discrepancies here.Copy !req
251. We need to remake that list.Copy !req
252. You just couldn't let it go!Copy !req
253. What do you mean? Call the girls in.
- I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy!Copy !req
254. Did you know, Wendy, that Clyde's
father own the shoe store at the mall?Copy !req
255. A lot of us have always wanted
to date Clyde to get free shoes,Copy !req
256. but we couldn't, because
he wasn't popular enough.Copy !req
257. You knew!Copy !req
258. Unfortunately, the members voted Clyde
in the bottom five of the list!Copy !req
259. That's why we had to manipulate the votes,
forge a new list and hide the real one!Copy !req
260. So that you all could justify dating
Clyde and get shoes?Copy !req
261. How dare you take advantage of your position!Copy !req
262. I'm gonna tell Bebe and have you both
disbarred from the list committee!Copy !req
263. Bebe? Who do you think authorized
the buyout?Copy !req
264. No. Not Bebe.Copy !req
265. She's dating Clyde now.
Nobody loves shoes more than her.Copy !req
266. What's going on?Copy !req
267. When the other girls find out you
ignored their votes, they're gonna-Copy !req
268. Do you really think they'll believe
you over the heads of the committee?Copy !req
269. We'll simple generate a new list!
"Biggest Liars"!Copy !req
270. And put you at the top!Copy !req
271. Do yourself a favor, Wendy! Just let it go!
And keep your little mouth shut!Copy !req
272. I don't think so!Copy !req
273. Stan, run!Copy !req
274. Jesus, dude!Copy !req
275. Hey, kid, have you seen Kyle?Copy !req
276. We've looked everywhere
and we have to show him something.Copy !req
277. He's burning down the school.
- What?Copy !req
278. He said he gonna burn the school
down to the ground.Copy !req
279. All the cruel jokes and ridicule
will finally be over!Copy !req
280. Are you happy now, God?
You made me look like this!Copy !req
281. Kyle! Kyle, don't!
- Don't try and stop me, Stan!Copy !req
282. You don't know how it feels to be
a deformed monstrosity!Copy !req
283. The list was a forgery, Kyle!Copy !req
284. It didn't sparkle with all the girls.
We have the real list.Copy !req
285. That's about far enough!
Give me that list, Wendy!Copy !req
286. Stan, what is going on?
- It was about shoes, Kyle.Copy !req
287. The girls wanted shoes, so they set you up.Copy !req
288. Kyle was simple a casualty!Copy !req
289. To move Clyde meant that Craig
has to be moved to number twelve,Copy !req
290. which moved Jimmy down and moved Jason up!Copy !req
291. So what number was I?Copy !req
292. You've compromised everything!
Our list's integrity!Copy !req
293. Did you see these shoes, Wendy?
They're incredible!Copy !req
294. It doesn't matter how incredible
they are. You can't-Copy !req
295. Oh my God, those are amazing.
- Right?Copy !req
296. Is that a lace across the top?
- No, it's a little strap.Copy !req
297. Wendy?
- But it doesn't matter. You took it too far!Copy !req
298. If you hadn't gone all Nancy Drew on us,
this would have just gone away!Copy !req
299. She's gonna kill us?
- It's too late, Bebe.Copy !req
300. I've already made a full report and sent
a copy to the police. People will know.Copy !req
301. Oh please, you're lying.Copy !req
302. Give it up, Bebe. We know all about it.
The list was compromised.Copy !req
303. Kyle Broflovski is not the ugliest boy
in the class.Copy !req
304. Wendy!Copy !req
305. Wait, I didn't do anything wrong.
- You can explain all that downtown.Copy !req
306. Here, Kyle.Copy !req
307. We've been through a lot, but, you can
finally see where you really are on the list.Copy !req
308. Are you sure you're okay with this, Kyle?
- I'm sure. Abe Lincoln was right.Copy !req
309. I don't wanna find out I'm good-looking
and become a total shithead when I grow up.Copy !req
310. Abe Lincoln?Copy !req
311. Stan, it's been really great hanging out
with you again.Copy !req
312. I feel like you've changed somehow.
In a really awesome way.Copy !req
313. Yeah well, I guess a lot of things
change, don't they?Copy !req