1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. Oh, dude.
I just took the biggest crap!Copy !req
3. Hey, where are you guys?Copy !req
4. We're over here by the cart!Copy !req
5. Okay.
I'm back.Copy !req
6. Dude, we've been waiting
forever!Copy !req
7. Well, I'm sorry.
I had to take a dump!Copy !req
8. If you didn't eat so much,Copy !req
9. you wouldn't have diarrhea
all the time, fat-ass.Copy !req
10. Hey, I don't need to take
any lip from a frickin' girl!Copy !req
11. Mrph rmhmhm rm rmph.Copy !req
12. Totally!Copy !req
13. Come on. We have to finish
the quest in Stonehaven.Copy !req
14. Stan? Stan?Copy !req
15. Hang on, guys.
My dad wants something.Copy !req
16. - Stan!
- What?Copy !req
17. You've been on your computer
all weekend.Copy !req
18. Shouldn't you go out
and socialize with your friends?Copy !req
19. I am socializing, r-tard.Copy !req
20. I'm logged on to an MMORPG with
people from all over the worldCopy !req
21. and getting XP with my party
using TeamSpeak.Copy !req
22. I'm not an r-tard.Copy !req
23. All right.
Sorry, guys.Copy !req
24. So, where to now?Copy !req
25. See where I am? It's this way.Copy !req
26. Yeah. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
27. Right-click on me to follow.Copy !req
28. I am the mightiest dwarf
in all of Azeroth!Copy !req
29. Wow! Look at all these people
playing right now!Copy !req
30. Yeah.
It's bullcrap.Copy !req
31. I'll bet half of these people
are Koreans.Copy !req
32. Oh, crap!
It's that guy again!Copy !req
33. Who is this?Copy !req
34. This is the guy
that kept killing us last nightCopy !req
35. after you went to bed!Copy !req
36. Get out of here, asshole!Copy !req
37. He's a way higher level than us.
It isn't fair.Copy !req
38. It's all right.Copy !req
39. He can't kill us
unless we agree to duel.Copy !req
40. Oh, my God!
He killed Kenny!Copy !req
41. You bastard!Copy !req
42. Don't you
have better things to doCopy !req
43. than going online
killing people?Copy !req
44. No! I don't want to have to
start over at the graveyard! No!Copy !req
45. That son of a bitch!Copy !req
46. Who is that guy?Copy !req
47. Whoever he is,
he is one tough badass.Copy !req
48. "World of Warcraft"
support line.Copy !req
49. Yeah. We bought your game
and play it online.Copy !req
50. But every time we log in,Copy !req
51. some other player comes in
and kills us.Copy !req
52. Oh.
That shouldn't happen.Copy !req
53. We designed the game so that
players have to agree to a duelCopy !req
54. before they can kill each other.Copy !req
55. Yeah. Well, this guy
does it anyways!Copy !req
56. He's a goddamn butthole!Copy !req
57. Really?
That's odd.Copy !req
58. More people calling in about
their characters getting killed.Copy !req
59. Oh, no.Copy !req
60. Well, we'll certainly keep
a lookout for that playerCopy !req
61. and ban him from the network.Copy !req
62. Better tell the guys upstairs.Copy !req
63. Fellow board members,
we have a problem.Copy !req
64. Somebody in
the World of WarcraftCopy !req
65. is ignoring the world's rulesCopy !req
66. and is going around
killing innocent players.Copy !req
67. Why kill innocent players?Copy !req
68. The game is about
finishing quests.Copy !req
69. We've got to delete him
from the servers.Copy !req
70. We can't.Copy !req
71. Whoever this player is,Copy !req
72. he's played "World of Warcraft"
so muchCopy !req
73. that he has reached a level
we thought unreachable.Copy !req
74. He is actually able to kill
our admins,Copy !req
75. and he grows stronger every day.Copy !req
76. Jesus.Copy !req
77. I've got to get home!Copy !req
78. My kids are playing
"World of Warcraft" right now!Copy !req
79. Jim, your kids' characters
are already dead.Copy !req
80. No.Copy !req
81. No.Copy !req
82. They just started playing!Copy !req
83. What kind of person
would do this?Copy !req
84. Only one kind.Copy !req
85. Whoever this person is, he has
played "World of Warcraft"Copy !req
86. nearly every hour of every day
for the past year and a half.Copy !req
87. Gentlemen, we are dealing with
someone here who...Copy !req
88. has absolutely no life.Copy !req
89. How do you kill
that which has no life?Copy !req
90. Randy, you working on
that sediment analysis?Copy !req
91. Not now, Nelson.Copy !req
92. I just joined a big party
of night elves,Copy !req
93. and we're gonna explore
the Tower of Azora together.Copy !req
94. Is that a computer game?Copy !req
95. No, r-tard.
It's an MMORPG.Copy !req
96. These are real people
I'm playing with.Copy !req
97. See?
I'm a hunter, level 2.Copy !req
98. I can chat
with all these other people.Copy !req
99. I can even wave to this guy.
See?Copy !req
100. Hello!Copy !req
101. In the outside world,
I'm a simple geologist.Copy !req
102. But in here...Copy !req
103. I am Falcorn,
defender of the alliance.Copy !req
104. I have braved
the Fargodeep Mine,Copy !req
105. defeated the bloodfish
at Jerod's Landing —Copy !req
106. Hm. Looks like that guy
just killed you.Copy !req
107. What?Copy !req
108. Why?Copy !req
109. Why?Copy !req
110. My friends, as you all know,Copy !req
111. some giant butthole keeps
logging on to WarcraftCopy !req
112. and killing all our characters.Copy !req
113. The past four nights
we've tried to play,Copy !req
114. he shows up and kills us.Copy !req
115. He killed my character
right in the middle of a quest!Copy !req
116. Mine too!Copy !req
117. We've learned that the four
of us can't fight him alone.Copy !req
118. But if we all log in together,
we might have a chance.Copy !req
119. Hey! Yeah!Copy !req
120. We can really stick it
to that ass m-munch.Copy !req
121. Are you guys dumb?Copy !req
122. We can't beat him,
even with all of us.Copy !req
123. - It's a waste of time.
- Dude, we have to try.Copy !req
124. I've got better things to do.Copy !req
125. Clyde! Clyde!Copy !req
126. If you had a chance right now
to go back in timeCopy !req
127. and stop Hitler,
wouldn't you do it?Copy !req
128. I mean,
I personally wouldn't stop himCopy !req
129. because I think he was awesome,
but you would, right?Copy !req
130. I'm just gonna stop playing.Copy !req
131. When Hitler rose to power,
there were a lot of peopleCopy !req
132. who just stopped playing.Copy !req
133. You know who those people were?
The French.Copy !req
134. Are you French, Clyde?Copy !req
135. No.Copy !req
136. Voulez-vous coucher
avec moi, Clyde?Copy !req
137. All right! All right!
I'll do it!Copy !req
138. So what's the p-plan?Copy !req
139. All right,Copy !req
140. Log in tonight from your
computers at precisely 7:30.Copy !req
141. We will meet here,Copy !req
142. on the plains of the
Elwynn forest near Westfall.Copy !req
143. My friends, to victory!Copy !req
144. To victory!Copy !req
145. I don't play
"World of Warcraft."Copy !req
146. Butters, you said you're
on your computer all the time.Copy !req
147. Yeah, but I'm playing
"Hello Kitty Island Adventure."Copy !req
148. Butters,
go buy "World of Warcraft,"Copy !req
149. install it on your computer,
and join the online sensationCopy !req
150. before we all murder you.Copy !req
151. Oh. Oh, all right.
All right, then.Copy !req
152. All right, you guys!
This is it!Copy !req
153. When the attack begins,Copy !req
154. all warriors click
on "defensive stance."Copy !req
155. Everyone else wait for Craig
to cast his intellect buff.Copy !req
156. - Okay!
- Got it.Copy !req
157. The battle is sure to be long,Copy !req
158. so make sure you all have
your special abilitiesCopy !req
159. macroed to your keyboards.Copy !req
160. All right, Eric.
You can c-c-c-count on us.Copy !req
161. Timmy!Copy !req
162. This shall be a day
for all to remember!Copy !req
163. Let us bravely charge
the fields of Azeroth!Copy !req
164. - From which —
- Hey, fellas!Copy !req
165. Boy, this is neato, huh?Copy !req
166. Butters, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
167. I got "World of Warcraft"
like you said.Copy !req
168. You can't be the dwarf
character, Butters.Copy !req
169. I'm the dwarf.Copy !req
170. Well, there's only like
four races to choose from.Copy !req
171. So pick another one!Copy !req
172. I'm the dwarf,
you stupid asshole!Copy !req
173. Log out, create a new character,
and log back in!Copy !req
174. I like
"Hello Kitty Island Adventure"Copy !req
175. a lot more than this stuff.Copy !req
176. Come on!
Let's do this!Copy !req
177. Yeah. My mom says
I have to be in bed at 9:30.Copy !req
178. Then let's move out!Copy !req
179. Look!
There he is!Copy !req
180. Everyone hold!Copy !req
181. He's targeting us!Copy !req
182. Prepare to charge!Copy !req
183. Scroll over him
with your mouse cursors...Copy !req
184. and... right-click!Copy !req
185. What the...Copy !req
186. Oh, Jesus!
He summoned scorpions!Copy !req
187. Aah!
I'm burning!Copy !req
188. Oh, Jesus!
I'm burning!Copy !req
189. Rm!
Mrph rm!Copy !req
190. Kenny's down.
K-Kenny is down!Copy !req
191. I'm gonna poop in my pants.Copy !req
192. Ike, look out!Copy !req
193. Aah! Kyle!Copy !req
194. All right, Clyde!
Hit him with your crossbow!Copy !req
195. Hit him now, Clyde!Copy !req
196. Clyde?Copy !req
197. Clyde!Copy !req
198. Clyde!
Clyde, you asshole!Copy !req
199. God damn it!
We lost Clyde!Copy !req
200. Hey, Stan,
can I play with you guys?Copy !req
201. Dad?Copy !req
202. Yeah.
I'm playing from the office.Copy !req
203. Dad, get off our TeamSpeak line!Copy !req
204. That's it.
I'm dead.Copy !req
205. That's it.
Screw this game.Copy !req
206. No!
Leave me alone!Copy !req
207. Don't — Aah!Copy !req
208. God damn it!Copy !req
209. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
210. Oh, God, no.Copy !req
211. What?Copy !req
212. He's just finished killing
every single playerCopy !req
213. in the Arathi Highlands.Copy !req
214. How many people's characters
were in there?Copy !req
215. Over 5,000.Copy !req
216. There are over 7 million peopleCopy !req
217. who log on
to "World of Warcraft."Copy !req
218. Are you telling me
all those people's charactersCopy !req
219. are going to dieCopy !req
220. and there's nothing we can do
to save them?Copy !req
221. Yes, and it won't be longCopy !req
222. before everyone gets really,
really frustratedCopy !req
223. and stops playing altogether.Copy !req
224. Gentlemen, this could very well
lead to the endCopy !req
225. of the World... of Warcraft.Copy !req
226. No!Copy !req
227. N-o-o-o!Copy !req
228. What the hell
are you guys doing?Copy !req
229. Don't tell me you all quit
playing "World of Warcraft" too!Copy !req
230. Dude, we're done.Copy !req
231. We're sick of getting killed
all the time.Copy !req
232. Guys, when things look bad,Copy !req
233. you can't just give up
on the World... of Warcraft.Copy !req
234. We don't have a choice, dude.Copy !req
235. That guy killed our characters
14 times!Copy !req
236. I have a solution, you guys.Copy !req
237. That guy can kill us so easilyCopy !req
238. because he's a super-high level,
right?Copy !req
239. But if we were
super-high level, too...Copy !req
240. We can't get to a higher levelCopy !req
241. because that dude doesn't
let us finish quests!Copy !req
242. That's why we need to
just log inCopy !req
243. and stay in the forest,
killing boars.Copy !req
244. Boars?Copy !req
245. There's lots of computer-
generated boars in WarcraftCopy !req
246. that die with just one blow.Copy !req
247. Dude, boars are only worth
2 experience points apiece.Copy !req
248. Do you know how many
we would have to killCopy !req
249. to get up 30 levels?Copy !req
250. Yes.Copy !req
251. 65,340,285,Copy !req
252. which should take us
seven weeks, five days,Copy !req
253. 13 hours, and 20 minutes,Copy !req
254. giving ourselves
three hours a night to sleep.Copy !req
255. What do you say, guys?Copy !req
256. You can just — You can just
hang outside in the sun all dayCopy !req
257. tossing a ball around,Copy !req
258. or you can sit at your computer
and do something that matters.Copy !req
259. Sir, you'd better have a look
at this.Copy !req
260. Four of our subscribers —Copy !req
261. They've gone up 50 levels
in three weeks!Copy !req
262. My God.Copy !req
263. They must have no lives at all.Copy !req
264. A hope?Copy !req
265. A chance.Copy !req
266. Dude, my mouse-clicking finger
hurts.Copy !req
267. Keep clicking, Kyle.
You can do it!Copy !req
268. The admins tell us
they are four playersCopy !req
269. from a small town in Colorado.Copy !req
270. Are they strong enough
to defeat the evil one?Copy !req
271. We ran the numbers.Copy !req
272. Even with their amazing rise
in levels,Copy !req
273. they have a 90%
mortality probability.Copy !req
274. They'd be walking
into a slaughter.Copy !req
275. There has to be some way
we can help them.Copy !req
276. What about...
the Sword of A Thousand Truths?Copy !req
277. Quiet, Thomas! We aren't
to even speak of that sword!Copy !req
278. But maybe these new playersCopy !req
279. are the ones
the prophecy foretold of!Copy !req
280. It is not an option!Copy !req
281. What is this sword?Copy !req
282. Long ago, when the
World of Warcraft was created,Copy !req
283. one of the programmers
put a swordCopy !req
284. called the Sword
of A Thousand TruthsCopy !req
285. into the game inventory.Copy !req
286. Apparently it could cause
120 damage per secondCopy !req
287. with an instant manna burn
and an enchantmentCopy !req
288. that boosted stamina plus-80.Copy !req
289. But the sword was considered
to be too powerfulCopy !req
290. for anyone to possess.Copy !req
291. So it was removed from the gameCopy !req
292. and stored
on a one-gig flash drive.Copy !req
293. But it was foretold that one dayCopy !req
294. players who could wield the
sword might reveal themselves.Copy !req
295. Who foretold this prophecy?Copy !req
296. Saltzman.
He's in accounting.Copy !req
297. Behold.
The Sword of A Thousand Truths.Copy !req
298. We must get this swordCopy !req
299. to the ones who have proven
they have no life.Copy !req
300. Let's just hope to Christ
they don't start the battleCopy !req
301. before we can reach them.Copy !req
302. All right, you guys.
The moment of truth is here.Copy !req
303. It is time for our final battle.Copy !req
304. Everyone, log in!Copy !req
305. I'm in.Copy !req
306. Me too.Copy !req
307. Mrph rmh.Copy !req
308. Everyone equip healing potions
to the hotbarCopy !req
309. if you haven't already.Copy !req
310. Uh, Kyle go ahead and cast
arcane brillianceCopy !req
311. to raise our intelligence.Copy !req
312. Hang on. I'm chaining
my fire spells for max range.Copy !req
313. Nice.Copy !req
314. Stan, what enchantment does
your Cloak of the Tiger have?Copy !req
315. Plus-15 agility.Copy !req
316. Give the cloak to Kenny.Copy !req
317. He needs the agility boost
for bow attacks.Copy !req
318. 'Kay.Copy !req
319. Hold on. This fight could last
more than 12 hours.Copy !req
320. What if we run out of food?Copy !req
321. Don't worry.
I have that covered.Copy !req
322. - Mom?
- Yes, hon?Copy !req
323. More Hot Pockets.Copy !req
324. Right away, hon.Copy !req
325. That's uber-cool.Copy !req
326. All right.
Everyone ready?Copy !req
327. - Ready.
- Ready.Copy !req
328. Let's go get him!Copy !req
329. Wait.
I think I see him.Copy !req
330. Yeah. Yeah.
He's here in Goldshire.Copy !req
331. Okay, everyone open your F-list
and auto-locate to Stan.Copy !req
332. What's the auto-locate macro?Copy !req
333. Command-zero.Copy !req
334. Okay.
Right behind Stan.Copy !req
335. Kenny, get ready
to turn on trueshot aura.Copy !req
336. At that moment,
I will use intimidating shout.Copy !req
337. Okay.
He sees us.Copy !req
338. He's targeted us.Copy !req
339. Okay.
Hit him with pyroblast, Kyle.Copy !req
340. Casting.Copy !req
341. There's an eight-second
cast time.Copy !req
342. Aren't you spec'd
to reduce cast time?Copy !req
343. No.
I'm an arcane fire mage.Copy !req
344. Christ.Copy !req
345. He cast summon again.Copy !req
346. Everyone target the scorpions.Copy !req
347. Yes?Copy !req
348. We are looking for
a great knightCopy !req
349. by the name of luvs2spooge.Copy !req
350. That's my son's character's name
in Warcraft.Copy !req
351. Where is he?Copy !req
352. Who are you?Copy !req
353. Sir, we don't have time!Copy !req
354. We just heard from our adminsCopy !req
355. that your son's party
is already in battle!Copy !req
356. Unless they have this sword,Copy !req
357. your son's character
is going to die.Copy !req
358. Oh, my God.Copy !req
359. Kyle, fire spell!Copy !req
360. Ha! Aah!
Aah!Copy !req
361. Kyle?Copy !req
362. Aah!
Aah!Copy !req
363. Kyle!
Dude, what's wrong?Copy !req
364. Carpal tunnel!
Carpal tunnel!Copy !req
365. It's — Aah!Copy !req
366. Oh, Jesus!
He's got it bad!Copy !req
367. Quick!
We need Ben Gay!Copy !req
368. Hurry, dude!Copy !req
369. I'm going as fast as I can!Copy !req
370. Kyle, you have to keep playing.Copy !req
371. I can't.
Just leave me behind.Copy !req
372. We can't do this without you!
Now come on!Copy !req
373. Stan, Stan!Copy !req
374. Sharon, where's Stan?Copy !req
375. I don't know.Copy !req
376. He took his computer somewhere
to play that stupid online game.Copy !req
377. Stupid?Copy !req
378. - Where?
- I don't know!Copy !req
379. Sharon, his character is going
to die if we don't get to him!Copy !req
380. So what?Copy !req
381. - So what?
- So what?Copy !req
382. We're too late.Copy !req
383. Without the sword,
the players will fail.Copy !req
384. If we could get to a computer,Copy !req
385. we could sign on
to the World of WarcraftCopy !req
386. and give the boys the sword
online.Copy !req
387. I don't have
a "World of Warcraft" account.Copy !req
388. - Do you?
- No. I have a life.Copy !req
389. Give me the sword.Copy !req
390. - You?
- I have a Warcraft character.Copy !req
391. I'm a newb, but I can log on and
get the sword to Stan online.Copy !req
392. We can't trust the Sword
of A Thousand Truths to a newb!Copy !req
393. Sounds to me like
we don't have a choice.Copy !req
394. Give me the sword.Copy !req
395. Ahh.Copy !req
396. Come on. We've got to get
to a computer that works!Copy !req
397. - Where's your car?
- We took a cab here!Copy !req
398. Damn it!
Mine's in the shop!Copy !req
399. Hey! Help! Stop!Copy !req
400. Please!
It's an emergency!Copy !req
401. Come on!Copy !req
402. Nelson! Nelson, I need to come
over and use your computer!Copy !req
403. No, I need to play
"World of Warcraft"!Copy !req
404. Nelson?Copy !req
405. All right. Major stone shield
potions should be —Copy !req
406. Oh, God.
I'm gonna have diarrhea again.Copy !req
407. You can't go to the bathroom.
You're stacking sunder armor.Copy !req
408. It's okay.Copy !req
409. Mom, bathroom!Copy !req
410. - What, hon?
- Bathroom!Copy !req
411. Bathroom!Copy !req
412. Oh!
That's a big boy, isn't he?Copy !req
413. All right, Kenny.Copy !req
414. Drink your elixir
of the mongoose.Copy !req
415. I am now going to use
mocking blow.Copy !req
416. "World of Warcraft"!
I need to play!Copy !req
417. Our demo is set up
right over by the —Copy !req
418. Got to sign in.Copy !req
419. Character name.
All right! I'm in!Copy !req
420. Dude, I'm almost dead.Copy !req
421. Kyle, cast arcane missiles!Copy !req
422. I'm out of manna.
I told you!Copy !req
423. I've got to heal!Copy !req
424. Stan!Copy !req
425. Dad?
Not now!Copy !req
426. Stan, I've been sent here...
to bring you this.Copy !req
427. This sword can completely drain
his manna!Copy !req
428. Dad, how did you get that?Copy !req
429. No time!
Just take it!Copy !req
430. Here!Copy !req
431. How — How do you hand something
from one player to another?Copy !req
432. Bring up your inventory screen.
Control-I!Copy !req
433. Okay.Copy !req
434. Stan, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
435. - I got it!
- Aah!Copy !req
436. Dad!Copy !req
437. Stan!Copy !req
438. Dad, no!Copy !req
439. You killed my father.Copy !req
440. Aah!Copy !req
441. His shield and armor spells
are down!Copy !req
442. Attack!Copy !req
443. Aah!Copy !req
444. Looks like you're
about to get pwned.Copy !req
445. Yaah!Copy !req
446. Dad?
Dad?Copy !req
447. Stan.Copy !req
448. I've never been able to say this
before, but...Copy !req
449. I love you, son.Copy !req
450. I know you do, Dad.Copy !req
451. They did it!Copy !req
452. Our world is saved!Copy !req
453. They did it!
They killed him!Copy !req
454. - They did it!
- They killed him!Copy !req
455. - We can come out!
- Come out!Copy !req
456. - Yes!
- Mrph rm!Copy !req
457. - All right!
- Yeah!Copy !req
458. - All right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
459. - Yeah.
- Mrph rm.Copy !req
460. We did it, you guys.
We're totally heroes.Copy !req
461. That was such uber-pwnage.Copy !req
462. I can't believe it's all over.Copy !req
463. What do we do now?Copy !req
464. What do you mean?Copy !req
465. Now we can finally play
the game.Copy !req
466. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
467. Okay, Kenny.Copy !req
468. Add eyes of the beast
to your hotbar.Copy !req
469. Stan, check your fury talents
to boost your shouts.Copy !req
470. Got it.Copy !req