1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. "But the Bubble Gum Prince
wasn't afraid."Copy !req
3. "He knew that
the Land of Chocolate was safeCopy !req
4. forever and ever."Copy !req
5. Good night, my little angel.Copy !req
6. - Stan!
- What? What?Copy !req
7. Get up!
Get your shoes on!Copy !req
8. We've got to get out of here!
Move!Copy !req
9. Take this!Copy !req
10. We've got to bring
all the water we can!Copy !req
11. Shelly, go get my gun!Copy !req
12. What's going on, Dad?Copy !req
13. Just get the gun!Copy !req
14. All right.
Come on!Copy !req
15. Look out!Copy !req
16. Kyle, what the hell
is going on this time?Copy !req
17. I have no idea!Copy !req
18. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
19. Take cover in
the community center again!Copy !req
20. All right! Everyone get in
and get a seal on that door!Copy !req
21. Oh, my God, Stephen!
We've left Butters!Copy !req
22. We can't go back out there,
Linda!Copy !req
23. It's too late for him!Copy !req
24. Dad?
Dad, what the hell is going on?Copy !req
25. A cartoon.Copy !req
26. A cartoon is about to air
on American television with...Copy !req
27. with the Muslim prophet
Muhammad as a character.Copy !req
28. So?Copy !req
29. So? Stanley, Muhammad is sacred
to the Muslim people.Copy !req
30. Ever since those cartoons in
Denmark, the rules have changed.Copy !req
31. Nobody shows an image
of Muhammad anymore.Copy !req
32. Which cartoon is it?Copy !req
33. What cartoon would be
so insensitiveCopy !req
34. as to have Muhammad
as a character?Copy !req
35. Who do you think?Copy !req
36. The cartoon that's
always pushing buttonsCopy !req
37. with their careless
toilet humor.Copy !req
38. "Family Guy"!Copy !req
39. Aww!Copy !req
40. How could "Family Guy" do that?Copy !req
41. Why would "Family Guy"
so blatantly insult Muslims?Copy !req
42. Because "Family Guy"
doesn't care who they insult!Copy !req
43. They only care about
their precious money!Copy !req
44. Oh, come on, people.Copy !req
45. You think anybody's gonna be
that pissed off about a cartoon?Copy !req
46. We've got the TV working!Copy !req
47. Once again, a cartoon depicting
the Muslim prophet MuhammadCopy !req
48. is set to air tonight
on "Family Guy."Copy !req
49. Oh, Randy, hold me.Copy !req
50. The news has already sparked
a shock wave of protestsCopy !req
51. throughout the Muslim world.Copy !req
52. All over the Middle East,Copy !req
53. Muslims are burning
American flagsCopy !req
54. and "Family Guy" posters.Copy !req
55. Muslim terrorists al-Zawahiri
made this statement.Copy !req
56. So what happens now?Copy !req
57. We stay here through the night.Copy !req
58. Wait it out
to see if they do anything.Copy !req
59. If we're still alive
in the morning...Copy !req
60. then we'll know we're not dead.Copy !req
61. It's okay!Copy !req
62. We're alive?Copy !req
63. We're alive!Copy !req
64. Everyone!
Everyone listen!Copy !req
65. Fox network censored the image
of Muhammad at the last minute!Copy !req
66. - Oh, thank God.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
67. Well, it looks like
we dodged a bullet.Copy !req
68. They censored the image
of Muhammad? How?Copy !req
69. I TiVo every episode.Copy !req
70. We can go to my house
and see what they did.Copy !req
71. Okay, you guys. Check it out.Copy !req
72. You TiVo every episode
of "Family Guy"?Copy !req
73. Dude, it's a good show.Copy !req
74. Yeah. Lots of people
like "Family Guy."Copy !req
75. Ugh.Copy !req
76. Peter, I can't believe
you invitedCopy !req
77. your old high school sweetheart
over for dinner!Copy !req
78. You think that's bad?Copy !req
79. Remember when I auditioned
to be David Hasselhoff's car?Copy !req
80. Hey, there, Knight Rider!Copy !req
81. After those bad guys, KITT.Copy !req
82. Yeah, but, Dad,
why would you inviteCopy !req
83. an ex-girlfriend to dinner?Copy !req
84. Perhaps he wants to make
our mother nervous.Copy !req
85. Nervous?Copy !req
86. Like when I had to sell pancakes
to the school soccer captain?Copy !req
87. Pancakes for you, Captain.Copy !req
88. I'll be the Captain,
and you be Tennille!Copy !req
89. Ugh.Copy !req
90. But, Peter, I don't want
to cook dinnerCopy !req
91. for your ex-girlfriend.Copy !req
92. Well, maybe we can
just have tea.Copy !req
93. You mean like the time
you had tea with Muhammad,Copy !req
94. the prophet
of the Muslim faith?Copy !req
95. Come on, Muhammad.
Let's get some tea.Copy !req
96. Try my Mr. T Tea.Copy !req
97. Boy, was that ever weird.Copy !req
98. Anyway, I can't believe
I invitedCopy !req
99. my old sweetheart to dinner,
huh?Copy !req
100. That's it?
That's all they did?Copy !req
101. Oh, man.
That's not cool.Copy !req
102. Seriously, that is not cool.Copy !req
103. What?
What's the big deal?Copy !req
104. What's the big deal?Copy !req
105. You guys, they just made fun
of the religionCopy !req
106. of an entire group of people.Copy !req
107. You guys think that's okay?Copy !req
108. Do you care at all
about people's feelings?Copy !req
109. Since when do you care aboutCopy !req
110. being sensitive to people's
religion, Cartman?Copy !req
111. Yeah, you rip on people's
religion all the time!Copy !req
112. That's different!
I'm just a little boy.Copy !req
113. That's a cartoon.
Millions of people watch it.Copy !req
114. How would you feel, Kyle,Copy !req
115. if there was a cartoon
on televisionCopy !req
116. that made fun of Jews
all the time, huh?Copy !req
117. Uh...Copy !req
118. I'm telling you guys,
it's wrong.Copy !req
119. It's wrong!Copy !req
120. It's wro-o-o-o-ng!Copy !req
121. Kyle? Kyle!
What are you watching?Copy !req
122. Hey, Brian,
this is like the timeCopy !req
123. I got a job as a carrot cake.Copy !req
124. Aah!
It's "Family Guy"!Copy !req
125. Quick, Gerald!
Do something!Copy !req
126. Hyah!Copy !req
127. Gaah! Aah!Copy !req
128. Dad! Dad!
Jesus Christ!Copy !req
129. It's okay.Copy !req
130. It's dead.Copy !req
131. You boys know you're
not supposed to watchCopy !req
132. that careless show!Copy !req
133. Mom, it was nothing.Copy !req
134. Muhammad just stood there
and then drank some tea.Copy !req
135. You boys don't understand
anything!Copy !req
136. It's obvious that you all need
Muslim sensitivity training!Copy !req
137. Welcome to Muslim
sensitivity training.Copy !req
138. It is important
for us to understandCopy !req
139. why the Muslims feel
the way they doCopy !req
140. and why we can never show
an image of Muhammad.Copy !req
141. No, Muslims can't show
an image of Muhammad.Copy !req
142. Kyle, you're not being
very sensitive.Copy !req
143. Yeah, Kyle.Copy !req
144. Maybe you think this is funny,
but the rest of us don't.Copy !req
145. Let's all look at
why Muslims are upset.Copy !req
146. First of all,
in the Muslim religion,Copy !req
147. you're not allowed to have what?Copy !req
148. Sex!
Good.Copy !req
149. There's no sex until marriage
in the Muslim world.Copy !req
150. Now, this would be fine, except
that in the Muslim religionCopy !req
151. you also can't...Copy !req
152. Anybody?Copy !req
153. Jack off.
Okay?Copy !req
154. Jacking it is strictly forbidden
in the Muslim religion.Copy !req
155. And what do we know
about the places Muslims live?Copy !req
156. They live in...Copy !req
157. Good.
Sand.Copy !req
158. Now, put yourself
in the shoes of a Muslim.Copy !req
159. It's Friday night,Copy !req
160. but you can't have sex,
and you can't jack off.Copy !req
161. There's sand in your eyesCopy !req
162. and probably in the crack
of your ass,Copy !req
163. and then some cartoon
comes along,Copy !req
164. from a country where people
are getting laid,Copy !req
165. and mocks your prophet.Copy !req
166. Well, you know what?
I'd be pretty pissed off, too!Copy !req
167. Mrs. Garrison,
that is ignorant and racist!Copy !req
168. Muslims are mad
because of "Family Guy,"Copy !req
169. not because they can't jack off.Copy !req
170. Right, Wendy?Copy !req
171. Yeah.Copy !req
172. Attention, students,
proceed to the school gymnasiumCopy !req
173. immediately for
an emergency announcement!Copy !req
174. What the hell is going on now?Copy !req
175. Shh!
Quiet, students! Quiet!Copy !req
176. Once again,
we have just learnedCopy !req
177. that the "Family Guy" episode
featuring MuhammadCopy !req
178. was only part one
of a two-parter!Copy !req
179. And part two is going to air
next weekCopy !req
180. with Muhammad uncensored.Copy !req
181. - What?
- Why would they...Copy !req
182. Fox Studios claims that
the "Family Guy" writing staffCopy !req
183. has demanded the Muhammad
character be seen in full view.Copy !req
184. The head of Fox had this to say.Copy !req
185. "Family Guy"
is our biggest show.Copy !req
186. If they insist we don't censor
their work, then we — we can't!Copy !req
187. "Family Guy"!Copy !req
188. I damn you to hell!Copy !req
189. Once again, bitter riots
have started in the Middle East,Copy !req
190. this time even more massive.Copy !req
191. And terrorist leader al-Zawahiri
has issued a threat.Copy !req
192. Retaliation.Copy !req
193. Oh, my God, m'kay.Copy !req
194. Goddamn "Family Guy."Copy !req
195. Now they're just
provoking people.Copy !req
196. It's like they want a holy war.Copy !req
197. Does this mean we don't
have school all week?Copy !req
198. You guys, this is serious!Copy !req
199. - We have to do something.
- Mrph rmh?Copy !req
200. We have to go to Fox network
in L.A.Copy !req
201. We have to go and...
try to get that episode pulled.Copy !req
202. You guys with me?Copy !req
203. Dude, we can't go anywhere.Copy !req
204. They've shut down the airports
and the buses.Copy !req
205. Then we'll ride our Big Wheels!Copy !req
206. - To Los Angeles?
- If that's what it takes, yes!Copy !req
207. We have to talk to the network.Copy !req
208. The "Family Guy" writers
aren't gonna back down!Copy !req
209. Well, good for them!
They shouldn't!Copy !req
210. The writers are standing upCopy !req
211. and saying they aren't
going to be intimidated.Copy !req
212. Intimidated?Copy !req
213. Is that what you think
this is about, Kyle?Copy !req
214. All right, dude. What the hell
has gotten into you?Copy !req
215. I don't trust for one secondCopy !req
216. that your sudden concern
for the Muslim people is real.Copy !req
217. All right.
Fine, Kyle.Copy !req
218. Forget the Muslim faith
for a minute.Copy !req
219. People can get hurt.Copy !req
220. If 10 people die
because "Family Guy"Copy !req
221. just had to have
their little joke,Copy !req
222. will you still think it's funny?Copy !req
223. What if a hundred people die?
Will it be funny then, Kyle?Copy !req
224. I'm going to Los Angeles,
and I'm gonna do whatever I canCopy !req
225. to get that episode pulled
before this gets out of hand.Copy !req
226. Somebody has to speak
for the Muslim people.Copy !req
227. Somebody has to speak
for what's right.Copy !req
228. Kyle! Kyle, wake up!
We have to go!Copy !req
229. The terrorists are attacking!Copy !req
230. Dad, are you sure this time?Copy !req
231. This isn't a joke, Kyle.Copy !req
232. Bombs have already gone off
in six cities!Copy !req
233. - No!
- Wait a minute!Copy !req
234. - Where's Ike?
- He was just here!Copy !req
235. - Ike!
- Ike!Copy !req
236. Ike?
Ike!Copy !req
237. Ike!Copy !req
238. Ice cream!Copy !req
239. I want chocolate!Copy !req
240. Ike, this way!Copy !req
241. Ike!Copy !req
242. Kyle!Copy !req
243. No!Copy !req
244. You come to try and stop me?Copy !req
245. It isn't gonna work.Copy !req
246. I didn't come to stop you.Copy !req
247. I-I think you're right, Cartman.Copy !req
248. I want to help you get
the "Family Guy" episode pulled.Copy !req
249. Yeah. Well, I don't need
a partner on this.Copy !req
250. Especially one
who doesn't trust me.Copy !req
251. Look, Cartman.Copy !req
252. I don't know what's gotten
into you,Copy !req
253. but I think it's pretty amazing.Copy !req
254. And I think it's real.Copy !req
255. You have to understand why
I didn't believe you before.Copy !req
256. Yeah, I do understand, Kyle.Copy !req
257. I've been doing the wrong things
for a long time,Copy !req
258. doing things
for my own selfish reasons.Copy !req
259. I just want to do something
right, you know?Copy !req
260. Just this one time.Copy !req
261. It's a long trip, dude.
You're gonna need help.Copy !req
262. We can try and get
the episode pulled together.Copy !req
263. You know, we might not
even make it into the studio.Copy !req
264. I know.Copy !req
265. But just like you...
I feel like I have to try.Copy !req
266. People can really get hurt.Copy !req
267. And a joke just isn't worth
that.Copy !req
268. So what made you change
your mind?Copy !req
269. I got some sound advice
from an old friend.Copy !req
270. Well, Kyle,
we'd better get going.Copy !req
271. Yeah!Copy !req
272. You set?Copy !req
273. I'm set.
Let's do this!Copy !req
274. All right!
Let's roll!Copy !req
275. People!
People, quiet, please!Copy !req
276. We must not panic.Copy !req
277. Well, what are we gonna do,
Mayor?Copy !req
278. Part two of the "Family Guy"
episode airs in six days!Copy !req
279. I believe that Professor Thomas
from the universityCopy !req
280. has come up with a solution.Copy !req
281. Thank you, Mayor.Copy !req
282. Now, look, everyone.Copy !req
283. Muslim terrorists and extremists
are threatening usCopy !req
284. for what "Family Guy"
is going to doCopy !req
285. because they've wrongly
grouped us together.Copy !req
286. Our only hope is to make
the Muslim extremists knowCopy !req
287. that we had no part
in the Muhammad episode,Copy !req
288. that even though
the episode aired,Copy !req
289. we didn't watch it,
we didn't hear it,Copy !req
290. and we didn't talk about it.Copy !req
291. So how do we do that?Copy !req
292. We bury our heads... in sand.Copy !req
293. We take 20 to 25 dump trucks,Copy !req
294. fill them with sand
from Monarch Lake,Copy !req
295. and then dump the sand
along South Park Avenue.Copy !req
296. By using approximately
18 dozen shovels,Copy !req
297. we could each dig a hole
in the sand,Copy !req
298. stick our heads in the holes,Copy !req
299. and then have the person
to our left bury them.Copy !req
300. If we can manage
to get every person's headCopy !req
301. buried deep, deep in sandCopy !req
302. before the Muhammad episode
airs,Copy !req
303. we could avoid looking
like we're responsibleCopy !req
304. for any part of this at all.Copy !req
305. No. No. Wait a minute.
That's ridiculous.Copy !req
306. Look. What we need to do
is just the opposite.Copy !req
307. Freedom of speech is at stake
here.Copy !req
308. Don't you all see?Copy !req
309. If anything, we should all
make cartoons of MuhammadCopy !req
310. and show the terrorists
and the extremistsCopy !req
311. that we are all united
in the beliefCopy !req
312. that every person has a right
to say what they want.Copy !req
313. Look, people, it's...
it's been real easy for usCopy !req
314. to stand up
for free speech lately.Copy !req
315. For the past few decades,Copy !req
316. we haven't had to risk anything
to defend it.Copy !req
317. But those times
are going to come.Copy !req
318. And one of those times
is right now.Copy !req
319. And if we aren't willing
to risk what we have,Copy !req
320. then we just believe
in free speech,Copy !req
321. but we don't defend it.Copy !req
322. I like the sand idea.Copy !req
323. Yeah.
Me too.Copy !req
324. Yeah. The sand thing
sounds a lot simpler.Copy !req
325. - Let's do the sand thing.
- Yeah. Let's do the sand thing.Copy !req
326. We're gonna need eight dozen
shovels and 16 tons of sand!Copy !req
327. Let's move, people!Copy !req
328. We've got six days
to make it to Los Angeles.Copy !req
329. If we keep our stops
to a minimum,Copy !req
330. we should be able to get
the episode pulled just in time.Copy !req
331. Yes, and in just a few weeks
from now,Copy !req
332. "Family Guy" will be
off the air forever!Copy !req
333. Off the air?Copy !req
334. But we're just going to tryCopy !req
335. to get the Muhammad episode
pulled.Copy !req
336. It's simple television
economics, Kyle.Copy !req
337. All it takes to kill a show
foreverCopy !req
338. is get one episode pulled.Copy !req
339. If we convince the network
to pull this episodeCopy !req
340. for the sake of Muslims,Copy !req
341. the Catholics can demand a show
they don't like get pulled.Copy !req
342. And then people
with disabilities can demandCopy !req
343. another show get pulled,
and so on and so on,Copy !req
344. until "Family Guy" is no more.Copy !req
345. It's exactly what happened
to "Laverne & Shirley."Copy !req
346. Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute!Copy !req
347. This isn't what I signed up for!Copy !req
348. I like "Family Guy."Copy !req
349. Why do we have to get it
off the air forever?Copy !req
350. Because they —
they made f-fun of Muslims,Copy !req
351. and — and that's wrong.Copy !req
352. But that doesn't mean
it has to go off the air!Copy !req
353. You should like that show.Copy !req
354. Your sense of humor
is just like "Family Guy."Copy !req
355. Don't you ever, ever
compare me to "Family Guy."Copy !req
356. You hear me, Kyle?Copy !req
357. Compare me to "Family Guy"
again,Copy !req
358. and so help me,
I will kill you where you stand.Copy !req
359. You unbelievable son of a bitch.Copy !req
360. You never cared about
the Muslim religionCopy !req
361. or the safety
of people in America.Copy !req
362. You just want "Family Guy"
off the air.Copy !req
363. Do you have any idea
what it's like?Copy !req
364. Everywhere I go —Copy !req
365. "Hey, Cartman, you must like
'Family Guy,' right?"Copy !req
366. "Your sense of humor reminds me
of 'Family Guy,' Cartman."Copy !req
367. I am nothing like "Family Guy."Copy !req
368. When I make jokes,
they are inherent to a story,Copy !req
369. deep situational
and emotional jokesCopy !req
370. based on what is relevant
and has a point,Copy !req
371. not just one random,
interchangeable jokeCopy !req
372. after another!Copy !req
373. What are you talking about?Copy !req
374. You don't understand!Copy !req
375. I can't believe I let you
scare me into taking your side.Copy !req
376. You used fear to make me
stop believing in free speech.Copy !req
377. Well, I guess you won't
be helping me now.Copy !req
378. No biggie.Copy !req
379. I don't need you
to get the episode pulled.Copy !req
380. No.Copy !req
381. I am not letting you go
to that television studioCopy !req
382. and pretend to care
about safety and sensitivityCopy !req
383. to get a show you don't like
off the air!Copy !req
384. Well, then, Kyle, I guess —Copy !req
385. Oh, my God.
Is that Tim McGraw?Copy !req
386. What?Copy !req
387. Cartman!Copy !req
388. Kyle, stop it!Copy !req
389. - Holy crap!
- Aah!Copy !req
390. Stay on 'em!Copy !req
391. Jesus, Mary!Copy !req
392. If you have children, be sure
to bury their heads in the sandCopy !req
393. before you bury your own.Copy !req
394. Dad, I don't want to bury
my head in the sand.Copy !req
395. It's the best way, Stanley.
Did you eat your Fruit Roll-up?Copy !req
396. Yeah.Copy !req
397. Make sure your snorkel
is working.Copy !req
398. All right.
Now get your head in the hole.Copy !req
399. Dad, this is stupid.Copy !req
400. Stanley, there's no time
for your immaturity!Copy !req
401. Do it!Copy !req
402. All right, Sharon.
Now do me.Copy !req
403. Professor, we all
just thought of something.Copy !req
404. If everyone has
their head buriedCopy !req
405. by the person standing
to their left,Copy !req
406. then who's gonna bury
the last person's head?Copy !req
407. Yes, I'm afraid one person
is going to have to be lastCopy !req
408. and... not have his head
in the sand.Copy !req
409. I'll do it.Copy !req
410. Dylan, no!Copy !req
411. You realize by not burying
your head in sand,Copy !req
412. you'll appear to be a part
of the "Family Guy" audience.Copy !req
413. Yes.
I know.Copy !req
414. Dylan, please!
You can't!Copy !req
415. Somebody has to do it, Sarah!Copy !req
416. You run along now and you
get your head in the sand.Copy !req
417. I'll be all right.Copy !req
418. You have to understand.Copy !req
419. I'm all she has.Copy !req
420. Who are those people?Copy !req
421. No!Copy !req
422. Aah!Copy !req
423. So long, Kyle!Copy !req
424. You son of a bitch!
I won't let you win!Copy !req
425. You hear me?Copy !req
426. Suck my balls, Kyle!Copy !req
427. Are you the network president?Copy !req
428. Yes, Mr. President.Copy !req
429. We need to discuss this "Family
Guy" episode, Mr. President.Copy !req
430. Mr. President,
my hands are tied.Copy !req
431. The "Family Guy" writers insist
I don't censor Muhammad.Copy !req
432. But, Mr. President, this is
a matter of national security.Copy !req
433. They must be reasoned with.Copy !req
434. Mr. President...Copy !req
435. there's something about
the "Family Guy" writing staffCopy !req
436. I think you should know.Copy !req
437. Next week on "South Park"...Copy !req
438. the race continues.Copy !req
439. Cartman reaches
the "Family Guy" studioCopy !req
440. and learns the shocking secretCopy !req
441. behind the "Family Guy"
writing staff...Copy !req
442. This explains everything.Copy !req
443. as an entire nation
buries its head in sand...Copy !req
444. The idea has swept the nation.Copy !req
445. But where will we find
enough sand for everyone?Copy !req
446. and the battle between
good and evil is finally waged.Copy !req
447. Kyle, quit it!Copy !req
448. Stop it, Kyle!Copy !req
449. Will the cartoon be allowed
to appear uncensored?Copy !req
450. Will "Family Guy" be destroyed?Copy !req
451. Will television executives
fight for free speech,Copy !req
452. or will Comedy Central puss out?Copy !req
453. Tune in to see part two
of "Family Guy,"Copy !req
454. next week on "South Park."Copy !req