1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. You guys! You guys!Copy !req
3. Chef is going away.Copy !req
4. Going away?
For how long?Copy !req
5. Forever.Copy !req
6. I'm sorry, boys.Copy !req
7. Chef said he's been bored,Copy !req
8. so he's joining a group
called the Super Adventure Club.Copy !req
9. Wow!Copy !req
10. Chef, what kind of questions
do you thinkCopy !req
11. adventuring around the world
is gonna answer?Copy !req
12. What's the meaning of life?
Why are we here?Copy !req
13. I hope you're making
the right choice.Copy !req
14. I'm gonna miss him.Copy !req
15. I'm gonna miss Chef, and I —Copy !req
16. and I don't know
how to tell him!Copy !req
17. Dude, how are we gonna go on?Copy !req
18. Chef was our f-friend.Copy !req
19. And we will all miss you, Chef.Copy !req
20. But we know you must do
what your heart tells you.Copy !req
21. - Bye-bye!
- Goodbye!Copy !req
22. - So long, Chef!
- So long! Bye, Chef!Copy !req
23. Goodbye, Chef!Copy !req
24. Have a great time
with the Super Adventure Club!Copy !req
25. Goodbye.Copy !req
26. - See you later!
- Bye, Chef!Copy !req
27. And now part two
of "Life Without Chef."Copy !req
28. Draw two cards, fat-ass.Copy !req
29. Reverse to you, Jew.Copy !req
30. I'll get it.Copy !req
31. Hello, there, children!Copy !req
32. He's back!Copy !req
33. - Yeah!
- Yeah! All right!Copy !req
34. Chef, I can't believe
you're back!Copy !req
35. Well, it's true.Copy !req
36. But are you back for good?Copy !req
37. That's right.Copy !req
38. Hey, everybody, Chef's back!Copy !req
39. - All right! Yeah!
- Huh? Oh!Copy !req
40. Oh, finally!Copy !req
41. That's great!
That's great!Copy !req
42. Wow. It seems like
you had a great timeCopy !req
43. with the Super Adventure Club,
Chef.Copy !req
44. They sound like
really interesting people.Copy !req
45. Yeah.Copy !req
46. But now that you're back here,Copy !req
47. does that mean you're not in the
Super Adventure Club anymore?Copy !req
48. No, no!Copy !req
49. Oh, so have you decided
you can still belongCopy !req
50. to the Super Adventure ClubCopy !req
51. but live here
in South Park again?Copy !req
52. That's right!Copy !req
53. Well, it seems like
the Super Adventure ClubCopy !req
54. was just what you needed, Chef.Copy !req
55. You must be feeling very happyCopy !req
56. that you found a club
to belong to with new friendsCopy !req
57. but that you can also
live here in South ParkCopy !req
58. with all your old friends
whom you care for deeply, right?Copy !req
59. That's right!
Randy!Copy !req
60. Yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
61. Well, Chef, you're welcome
to stay here with meCopy !req
62. until you buy another house.Copy !req
63. Thank you.
Jimbo.Copy !req
64. Well, come on, everybody.Copy !req
65. I'm sure Chef would like
a little time to get moved in.Copy !req
66. That's right!
Thank you!Copy !req
67. Goodbye!
Everybody!Copy !req
68. - Later!
- Great to have you back!Copy !req
69. - Bye-bye!
- See you, Chef!Copy !req
70. See you later, Chef!
Bye!Copy !req
71. Well, I guess we'll see you
in school tomorrow, Chef.Copy !req
72. You bet.
Goodbye!Copy !req
73. Children!Copy !req
74. Right.Copy !req
75. Uh, see ya.Copy !req
76. Uh, guys...Copy !req
77. did Chef seem a little,
uh, trippy to you?Copy !req
78. Well, look.
He said he's happier now.Copy !req
79. Maybe he just needs to rest up
a little.Copy !req
80. Yeah, I'm sure whatever
that Super Adventure Club doesCopy !req
81. - is pretty tiring.
- Yeah. Look, whatever.Copy !req
82. I'm just glad he's back
for good.Copy !req
83. Mrph rm rph.Copy !req
84. It's really weird what he said.Copy !req
85. I don't know.
It kind of confused me.Copy !req
86. Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!Copy !req
87. I can't wait to have
Chef's lunch food again!Copy !req
88. Yeah. I hope he makes
his Salisbury steakCopy !req
89. with buttered noodles!Copy !req
90. - You guys, you guys!
- What?Copy !req
91. Something's wrong with Chef.Copy !req
92. He's saying
some really weird stuff.Copy !req
93. Like what?Copy !req
94. I think — I think
he wants to have sex with me.Copy !req
95. What?Copy !req
96. I got to — I got to go.Copy !req
97. Weirdo.Copy !req
98. Hello, there, children!Copy !req
99. - Hey, Chef!
- Mrph rm!Copy !req
100. - How's it going?
- Good.Copy !req
101. Well, how about I meet you boys
after work, and we...Copy !req
102. Excuse me?Copy !req
103. Come on, children.Copy !req
104. You're my sexual fantasy.Copy !req
105. Let's all make sweet love.Copy !req
106. Chef, a-are you okay?Copy !req
107. Inside your rectum.
Kyle.Copy !req
108. Dude, what are you saying?Copy !req
109. Your asshole, children.Copy !req
110. What?Copy !req
111. Hi, kids.
I'm Detective Jarvis.Copy !req
112. Uh, I need to ask you all
some difficult questionsCopy !req
113. about your school
cafeteria chef.Copy !req
114. This doesn't make any sense!Copy !req
115. We have some information
that all this time,Copy !req
116. Chef has been, and still is,
a pedophile.Copy !req
117. No, he's not.Copy !req
118. Uh-huh.Copy !req
119. No, he's not.Copy !req
120. Yeah.
Yeah, he is so.Copy !req
121. What's a pedal file?Copy !req
122. Now, we need some testimony
in order to arrest Chef,Copy !req
123. so I'm gonna use this doll
to ask you kids a few questions.Copy !req
124. Did Chef ever touch any of you
here?Copy !req
125. No!Copy !req
126. Okay.
Did he touch you here?Copy !req
127. No!Copy !req
128. Did he ever do this?Copy !req
129. How about this?Copy !req
130. BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!Copy !req
131. My Uncle Bud
did that to me once!Copy !req
132. Did Chef ever try
one of these on for size?Copy !req
133. God damn it!
Chef isn't like that!Copy !req
134. Something funny is going on
here!Copy !req
135. Young man,
will you please pay attention?Copy !req
136. This is very important stuff!Copy !req
137. Oh!
Ooh.Copy !req
138. Hello, there, children!Copy !req
139. Chef, the police are asking
questions about you.Copy !req
140. Oh, really?Copy !req
141. Well, let's all go home and...Copy !req
142. No, Chef, we don't
want to make love to you.Copy !req
143. Kenny, how would you like
to sodomize my black ass?Copy !req
144. Chef! Chef!Copy !req
145. You need to get out of hereCopy !req
146. before you get arrested,
all right?Copy !req
147. I specializes in your asshole,
Kyle.Copy !req
148. Man, I can't believe
all this timeCopy !req
149. Chef just wanted us for sex.Copy !req
150. He didn't want us for sex,
fat-ass!Copy !req
151. Something is making him
say those things.Copy !req
152. Mrph rm?Copy !req
153. Something must have happened
to Chef while he was gone.Copy !req
154. Maybe he hit his headCopy !req
155. or got stuck in some
quantum time vortex.Copy !req
156. Look, he spent
the last three monthsCopy !req
157. with that adventurers' club.Copy !req
158. Maybe they know
what happened to him.Copy !req
159. Mrph! Rmhmhm rm mrph
rphmrmhmhm rm rmphmhm rm!Copy !req
160. Yeah!Copy !req
161. All right!
Come on, guys!Copy !req
162. Hey, guys. You know what they
call a Jewish woman's boobs?Copy !req
163. Joobs.Copy !req
164. May I help you?Copy !req
165. Uh, hi. Can we speak
to the head guy or something?Copy !req
166. Right this way.Copy !req
167. Now, the upper rim
of KilimanjaroCopy !req
168. should be quite a trek,
and so we'll need to have a —Copy !req
169. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
170. These boys wanted to speak
with you.Copy !req
171. Ah, yes! Splendid!
Good afternoon, lads!Copy !req
172. I'm head adventurer
William P. Connelly, Esquire.Copy !req
173. Welcome to
the Super Adventure Club!Copy !req
174. - Jolly-o!
- Cheers!Copy !req
175. - Hello!
- Indeed!Copy !req
176. Uh, hi.Copy !req
177. Our friend joined your club
a while back,Copy !req
178. and now he wants to molest kids.Copy !req
179. What?Copy !req
180. Well — Well, yes, of course!Copy !req
181. That's what
the Super Adventure Club does!Copy !req
182. Huh?Copy !req
183. We travel the world
and have sex with children.Copy !req
184. Yes.
What else would we do?Copy !req
185. Well, we thought
you went exploringCopy !req
186. and, like, hunting and stuff.Copy !req
187. No, no.
That's the Adventure Club.Copy !req
188. We're the Super Adventure Club.Copy !req
189. Next week, we will be heading to
the outer banks of the Amazon,Copy !req
190. where we will make campCopy !req
191. and have sex with children
of the Ugani tribe.Copy !req
192. Then it's off
to the mighty Himalayas,Copy !req
193. where we will climb K2Copy !req
194. and molest several Tibetan
children on the east summit.Copy !req
195. Dude!Copy !req
196. I know!
But it gets even better!Copy !req
197. From there, we will kayak
to the fruitful banksCopy !req
198. of the Mili River in Africa,Copy !req
199. where the secret and mysterious
Hanini people have childrenCopy !req
200. who have never seen
a white man's erect penis.Copy !req
201. Of course, we're always looking
for kids to have sex withCopy !req
202. on the plane rides
over to these places.Copy !req
203. So how would you all like to
join the Super Adventure Club?Copy !req
204. No!Copy !req
205. No?Copy !req
206. Oh, really?Copy !req
207. Perhaps I should ask you again.Copy !req
208. How would you like to join
the Super Adventure Club?Copy !req
209. No.Copy !req
210. Dude, what are you doing?Copy !req
211. Oh, well.
It doesn't work on everybody.Copy !req
212. Well, so long, then.Copy !req
213. Just what the hell
is that thing?Copy !req
214. What? What thing?
I don't see anything.Copy !req
215. - Ha! I knew it!
- Knew what?Copy !req
216. The reason Chef has been saying
those terrible things about usCopy !req
217. is because he's been brainwashed
by this fruity little club!Copy !req
218. Oh, son of a bitch!Copy !req
219. Come on, children.Copy !req
220. Let's all go home and...Copy !req
221. You need to see a psychiatrist,
Chef.Copy !req
222. It's for your own good.Copy !req
223. I'd just like to...Copy !req
224. Up your butt.Copy !req
225. Oh, my God!Copy !req
226. Mr. Chef, is it?Copy !req
227. All right.
Come on.Copy !req
228. Hello. I'm Dr. Neeland.
What can I do for you today?Copy !req
229. Hi. Our friend
has been brainwashedCopy !req
230. by some fruity little club.Copy !req
231. Brainwashed?Copy !req
232. Yeah, he joined
the Super Adventure Club,Copy !req
233. and they convinced him
having sex with kids was okayCopy !req
234. with a little thing
that goes:.Copy !req
235. I thought that club
was for hiking and kayaking.Copy !req
236. No, that's the Adventure Club.Copy !req
237. The Super Adventure Club
has sex with children.Copy !req
238. Oh.Copy !req
239. Oh!
That's right. Yeah.Copy !req
240. Doctor, do you have... children?Copy !req
241. Why, yes.
I have two young boys.Copy !req
242. Have y'all been sodomizing
your childrens, too?Copy !req
243. You say he's never
been like this before?Copy !req
244. No.
Chef has always been super cool.Copy !req
245. The children.Copy !req
246. He's pretty brainwashed,
all right.Copy !req
247. Worst case I've ever seen.Copy !req
248. So what can we do?Copy !req
249. I'm afraid
there's no simple answer.Copy !req
250. When somebody is brainwashed,
it can take months, even years,Copy !req
251. to reverse the process.Copy !req
252. But we don't have years!Copy !req
253. If Chef keeps this up,
he's gonna go to jail forever!Copy !req
254. Tell me — What was Chef's
favorite thing to doCopy !req
255. before it was having sex
with children?Copy !req
256. Having sex with women.Copy !req
257. Then that's it!Copy !req
258. We'd better get your friend to
the Peppermint Hippo right away.Copy !req
259. All right, guys.
Be sure to tip your waitresses.Copy !req
260. This is a two-for-one.Copy !req
261. Put your hands together.
This is Monica.Copy !req
262. Aw, come on, children.
Let's go home.Copy !req
263. This isn't working.Copy !req
264. Well, let's give it
some more time, kids.Copy !req
265. Would you like a dance?Copy !req
266. No, thanks. We're trying
to un-brainwash our friend.Copy !req
267. Dance?Copy !req
268. Anybody want a dance?Copy !req
269. Come on, bitch.
Dance.Copy !req
270. Up yours, fatty.Copy !req
271. Bitch, I'll twist your nuts off.Copy !req
272. All right, guys.
How we feeling out there?Copy !req
273. We got a featured dancer
coming up next.Copy !req
274. Put your hands together
for Spantaneous Bootay.Copy !req
275. Come on, guys.
We might as well go.Copy !req
276. God damn!Copy !req
277. Chef, we're leaving.Copy !req
278. No, no. Wait.
Let him go.Copy !req
279. Come here, sugar.Copy !req
280. BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!Copy !req
281. BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!Copy !req
282. Wait a minute.Copy !req
283. He's remembering!Copy !req
284. Children, what have I done?Copy !req
285. It's okay, Chef.
Go on. Remember!Copy !req
286. Come on, Chef.
You can do it!Copy !req
287. - Yay!
- Mrph rm!Copy !req
288. Hey, children, everybody!
I'm back!Copy !req
289. Ow!Copy !req
290. Great shot, William.
Hit him with another.Copy !req
291. Oh!Copy !req
292. - Chef!
- Mrph!Copy !req
293. Tally-ho, lads!Copy !req
294. I must say
you're starting to becomeCopy !req
295. quite a thorn in my balls.Copy !req
296. Where's Chef?
What have you done with him?Copy !req
297. He's safe.Copy !req
298. He's fasting
in the deprivation roomCopy !req
299. and being read
the Super Adventure Club manual.Copy !req
300. We've got to undo the damage
you've done.Copy !req
301. Look, if you want to go around
the world molesting kids,Copy !req
302. that's totally fine,
but why do you need Chef?Copy !req
303. We don't need him.
He needs us!Copy !req
304. Our club offers hope.Copy !req
305. You think we go around the world
molesting childrenCopy !req
306. just because it feels really,
really, really, really good?Copy !req
307. No!Copy !req
308. Our club has a messageCopy !req
309. and a secret that explains
the mysteries of life.Copy !req
310. Oh, Jesus.
Here we go.Copy !req
311. Very well.Copy !req
312. I'm now going to tell you
the secretCopy !req
313. of the Super Adventure Club.Copy !req
314. We don't want to hear it.Copy !req
315. You see, the Super
Adventure Club was foundedCopy !req
316. by the greatest explorer of
all time, William P. Phineas!Copy !req
317. Phineas climbed
the highest peaks,Copy !req
318. tamed the mightiest rivers!Copy !req
319. But every time he got somewhere,Copy !req
320. he realized that other explorers
had beat him to it.Copy !req
321. Phineas was depressed
until he realizedCopy !req
322. that if he couldn't be
the first to discover places,Copy !req
323. he could be the first to have
sex with the native childrenCopy !req
324. that inhabited those areas!Copy !req
325. Phineas quickly went down in
history books as the first manCopy !req
326. to have sex with
the aborigine children at UluruCopy !req
327. and the first explorer to buggerCopy !req
328. all the underage mountain folk
of Nepal!Copy !req
329. But now
the most wonderful part.Copy !req
330. You see, after having sex
with all those children,Copy !req
331. Phineas realized that molesting
all those kidsCopy !req
332. had made him immortal.Copy !req
333. Immortal?Copy !req
334. He discovered that childrenCopy !req
335. have things called marlocs
in their bodies.Copy !req
336. And when an adult has sex
with a child,Copy !req
337. the marlocs implode, feeding
the adult's receptor cavityCopy !req
338. with energy that causes
immortality.Copy !req
339. So sayeth the ruler of Bethos.Copy !req
340. Phineas traveled the world,
loving many, many children.Copy !req
341. And he lived for eternity,Copy !req
342. until he was hit by a train
in 1892.Copy !req
343. Do you realize how retarded
that sounds?Copy !req
344. Is it any more retardedCopy !req
345. than the idea of God sending
His son to die for our sins?Copy !req
346. Is it any more retarded
than BuddhaCopy !req
347. sitting beneath a tree
for 20 years?Copy !req
348. Yeah.
It's way, way more retarded.Copy !req
349. Well, now that you know
our club's secrets...Copy !req
350. it appears you leave us
no choice.Copy !req
351. I'm afraid we're going to
have to...Copy !req
352. ask you to leave.Copy !req
353. We're not leaving without Chef.Copy !req
354. If you choose not to leave,Copy !req
355. then I'm afraid we're
just going to have to...Copy !req
356. call security
and make you leave.Copy !req
357. You'll be led out by security,Copy !req
358. and it will be
super embarrassing,Copy !req
359. and everyone here will see.Copy !req
360. You know how, like,
when you want people to leave,Copy !req
361. but they won't leave,
it's really frustrating?Copy !req
362. We're not going anywhere
without Chef!Copy !req
363. Cool people leave before they've
overstayed their welcome.Copy !req
364. You petulant fools!Copy !req
365. You just had to push it,
didn't you?Copy !req
366. You don't realize
who you're dealing with here.Copy !req
367. Security!Copy !req
368. Take these boys to the door.Copy !req
369. All right.
Come on, kids.Copy !req
370. No! Hey!Copy !req
371. Ha ha! Look, they're being
led out by security! Ha ha!Copy !req
372. No.
You don't understand.Copy !req
373. They've got our friend
in a deprivation room!Copy !req
374. This is their house,
and they don't want you here.Copy !req
375. Aah!Copy !req
376. Sorry, dude,
but this fruity little clubCopy !req
377. isn't taking our friend!Copy !req
378. And sex with Eskimo children
requires some special skill.Copy !req
379. Chef, come on!Copy !req
380. Children!
- Get out of here!Copy !req
381. Kenny, spin blossom nut squash!Copy !req
382. Mrph!
- Ow!Copy !req
383. Come on, Chef!Copy !req
384. I can't break these locks.Copy !req
385. Here!Copy !req
386. Come on, Chef!Copy !req
387. What the — Impossible!Copy !req
388. I made them leave!Copy !req
389. Get outside!Copy !req
390. Stop them!Copy !req
391. Children, run!Copy !req
392. Stop!Copy !req
393. We made it!Copy !req
394. Don't you remember why you left
South Park in the first place?Copy !req
395. - Chef, come on!
- You sought adventure!Copy !req
396. And why do people seek
adventure?Copy !req
397. Because their lives
have become dull and empty!Copy !req
398. Yeah, he wanted adventure,Copy !req
399. not a bunch of ridiculous
bullcrap, right, Chef?Copy !req
400. Chef?Copy !req
401. Don't forget
all your training, Chef.Copy !req
402. Stay with us, and your life
will be grand and eternal!Copy !req
403. Chef... we love you.Copy !req
404. I'm sorry, children.Copy !req
405. No! Chef! They've filled
your head with lies.Copy !req
406. Can't you see that?Copy !req
407. Get the hell out of here,
children!Copy !req
408. Yes.Copy !req
409. Looks like our fruity
little club is safe after all.Copy !req
410. Aah!Copy !req
411. No!Copy !req
412. - Chef!
- Chef!Copy !req
413. Aah!Copy !req
414. Ow! Oh!
Aah!Copy !req
415. Oh!
Damn it!Copy !req
416. Oh!Copy !req
417. No!Copy !req
418. A mountain lion!Copy !req
419. We can't lose another member!
Shoot it!Copy !req
420. Aah!Copy !req
421. I right missed!Copy !req
422. Aah!Copy !req
423. Chef!Copy !req
424. A grizzly bear!Copy !req
425. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
426. Oh, my God.Copy !req
427. They killed Chef.Copy !req
428. You bastards!Copy !req
429. You bastards!Copy !req
430. Pity.Copy !req
431. He would have made
an excellent child molester.Copy !req
432. Maybe — Maybe he's still okay.Copy !req
433. No.
Really!Copy !req
434. They say the last thing you do
before you die is crap your —Copy !req
435. Oh, never mind.Copy !req
436. Come on.
Let's go.Copy !req
437. We're all here todayCopy !req
438. because Chef has been such
an important part of our lives.Copy !req
439. A lot of us don't agree
with the choices Chef has madeCopy !req
440. in the past few days.Copy !req
441. Some of us feel hurt
and confusedCopy !req
442. that he seemed to turn his back
on us.Copy !req
443. But we can't let the events
of the last weekCopy !req
444. take away the memories
of how much Chef made us smile.Copy !req
445. I'm gonna remember Chef
as the jolly old guyCopy !req
446. who always broke into song.Copy !req
447. I'm gonna remember ChefCopy !req
448. as the guy who gave us advice
to live by.Copy !req
449. So, you see, we shouldn't be
mad at Chef for leaving us.Copy !req
450. We should be mad
at that fruity little clubCopy !req
451. for scrambling his brains.Copy !req
452. Yeah.Copy !req
453. He's right.Copy !req
454. And in the end,
I know that somewhere out there,Copy !req
455. there's the good part of Chef
that's still alive in us all.Copy !req
456. Is it working?
Is it working?Copy !req
457. Yes.
We've got a pulse!Copy !req
458. Get him in the ICU suit!
Hurry!Copy !req
459. That's done it! Good!
Raise him up!Copy !req
460. Chef, can you hear me?Copy !req
461. Say something.Copy !req
462. Hello, there, children.Copy !req
463. How would you like
some Salisbury steak?Copy !req
464. Yes. Go on.Copy !req
465. And for dessert,Copy !req
466. how would you children like
to suckCopy !req
467. on my chocolate salty balls?Copy !req
468. Oh.
You mean like a chocolate candy?Copy !req
469. No.
I mean my balls.Copy !req
470. Yes!Copy !req
471. Yes!Copy !req