Something Very Bad Is Going to Happen 1x8

1. Please be seated.

2. We have gathered here

3. to witness the joining of these two beloved souls.

4. It has been said that love is patient, love is kind,

5. but I have found it to be much more life-threatening than that.

6. When we first fall in love, we become soft.

7. And in our softness, we are stabbed all the way through the chest.

8. That's love.

9. It's a metal rod through the heart, piercing you.

10. Every day, you hope that that rod isn't ripped out.

11. But like any risk,

12. it's the thrill that makes it all worthwhile.

13. To love fully, one must offer themselves up.

14. The most important decision is who you trust to hold

15. the other end of that metal rod.

16. And now the couple has decided to write their own vows.

17. Rachel, we'll start with you first.

18. Nicky.

19. Falling for you was so easy and happened so fast.

20. Our first date was in a rental car

21. and lasted four days.

22. - Hm. - Four days.

23. And… I remember thinking…

24. "I never wanna get out of this car."

25. Aw.

26. And four days is now… …forever.

27. I spent my life trying to arm myself

28. against bad luck, always…

29. in pursuit of certainty. But,

30. yeah, as we know, this week has put us through the fucking wringer.

31. Sorry. Put us through the wringer.

32. And through it all, I realized that

33. you can't rely on certainty because there…

34. there is no certainty in marriage, in love, in anything.

35. The only certainty in life is death.

36. The only certainty in life is death.

37. So fuck certainty.

38. I have nothing to worry about.

39. Because you… you are my good luck charm.

40. You have always, always, always been my good luck charm.

41. It's true.

42. So…

43. I vow, Nicky, to see you truly as you have done for me.

44. And I promise to…

45. believe in you and believe in us.

46. Because that is… that's really what this… this is.

47. It's… it's a leap of faith that we don't know what's gonna happen,

48. but we believe it's gonna work out.

49. And I…

50. I believe you are my soulmate.

51. So wherever we… we're going… wherever we're going…

52. I never wanna get out of this rental car.

53. Okay, I'm done.

54. - Okay, Nicky, your turn. - Yeah. Okay.

55. I wrote mine down. Um…

56. Rachel.

57. Um… I wish I went first. That's tough. That is tough to follow.

58. Okay, Rachel, as you could see from the second you got here,

59. I grew up in a household where marriage was highly regarded.

60. So of course, when you told me two weeks into our relationship

61. that you'd never get married, I thought,

62. "She's the one."

63. Um, but really, I never had to interrogate if you were the one

64. because I always just knew.

65. And after spending one hour with you,

66. I thought to myself, "I hope… I hope every hour is like this."

67. "And if I don't spend the rest of my life with her,

68. it's because I fucked up really badly."

69. I made a vow to myself not to fuck it up really badly

70. so that I could stand at an altar one day making vows to you.

71. So here we are.

72. I promise to always give you my love,

73. my time, my understanding.

74. I promise to be a nonjudgmental partner in whatever adventures you seek.

75. I promise to stand beside you always,

76. even in times of disagreement.

77. There is nothing in the world that matters more to me than you.

78. And I won't let anything get between us.

79. I love you.

80. That was beautiful.

81. That was beautiful, both of you.

82. Okay, now for the big moment, yeah. The… the rings, please.

83. There you go. This is for you.

84. This is for you.

85. Oh, I'm shaking.

86. Okay.

87. Rachel Alexandra Harkin,

88. do you take Nicholas Summer Cunningham to be your lawfully wedded husband,

89. to have and to hold in sickness and in health till death do you part?

90. I do.

91. Nicholas Summer Cunningham,

92. do you take Rachel Alexandra Harkin to be your lawfully wedded wife,

93. to have and to hold in sickness and in health until death do you part?

94. A simple "I do" is all I need, son.

95. I, uh…

96. You good?

97. I, um…

98. I wrote these vows… a week ago,

99. and they don't quite feel…

100. Because you… you're… you're right.

101. This week, it put us through the wringer,

102. and everything I thought I knew

103. about… about love and… and marriage, it's changed.

104. It's all changed.

105. And I… I… I understand you now better than I… I ever have before.

106. I… I see now what you were saying.

107. What are you doing?

108. Marriage destroys people.

109. And it was already starting to get to us.

110. And you know what? I, um…

111. I don't want our relationship to change.

112. - Stick to the script. - What are you doing?

113. Marriage has been a poison.

114. - Marriage has been— Stop, okay, I got it. - You okay?

115. It's been a poison in my family, and I just…

116. I pushed you here when you didn't want to.

117. What are you doing?

118. Rachel, all I want is to spend the rest of my life with you.

119. But I don't want us to be like them.

120. I want us to have the privilege of genuinely choosing each other every day.

121. - Like we always have. - Everyone, it's okay.

122. The rental car is taking a hard left, far away from here.

123. - But we're still in the car. - Mm-mm. Nicky. Look at me. Look at me.

124. Marry me. Marry me. You have to marry me. Right now.

125. I'm freeing us from the institution.

126. - Are you fucking serious? - Rachel…

127. Are you fucking serious?

128. This is what you want.

129. - Stop. Oh my God, this is… - I'm serious.

130. Why don't we just give the couple some time to sort things out?

131. - No. - Everybody just stay put.

132. Rachel!

133. Let's just get the keys, get in the car, and drive. Fuck all this.

134. - Tell me you're not serious. - Sorry I pushed us here. I'm fixing it.

135. This week has been kind of a nightmare.

136. What if it was a vision of our future? I'm not gonna let that happen to us.

137. Of course this week was a nightmare.

138. It's the week of our wedding. What do you think that is?

139. You were supposed to take the leap of faith with me.

140. - I did. I did. That's what I was doing. - No!

141. That was you hiding behind a philosophy

142. and fearing a future based on other people's bad decisions!

143. I was the one putting my confidence in us!

144. - I'm doing the same thing. - Oh, how is this the same thing?

145. You just agreed that all that matters is us.

146. - I'm looking out for us. - How?

147. I just refuted my family's whole value system for you!

148. But I didn't ask you to!

149. Okay, but Rach, I know you never wanted to get married.

150. And now I… I see it, and I finally understand why.

151. You have to marry me. No, we have to get married.

152. Rachel, you've literally always said you never wanted to get married.

153. That was before I knew there was a marriage curse tied to my bloodline.

154. And if you hadn't proposed to me, we'd be fine, and it's not your fault.

155. Okay, it is not your fault. You didn't know.

156. I didn't know, but now we know, and now we have to get married.

157. That's not a reason to get married.

158. It should be because we love each other and we believe in that.

159. I know, but that's not the fucking situation that we're in now.

160. Oh my God. Why are you doing this now?

161. What the fuck, Nicky?

162. Why are you doing this now?

163. Yeah, more. More. More. Yeah, that, yeah, thank you.

164. That's how much everyone should be getting.

165. Even the minors. That one's for you.

166. He was in crisis, Victoria.

167. He was looking to me for guidance, and I had to be honest.

168. How was I supposed to know he'd react like that?

169. Because he idolizes us.

170. He thinks we have the perfect marriage.

171. We do.

172. You ruined my relationship with my son.

173. I will never have the chance to regain his trust.

174. - No. No, no. He loves you so much. - You took away my ending.

175. Wait, come back. Victoria.

176. Honey, what happened up there?

177. Are you okay with this? Is Nicky okay? What do we do?

178. Thank you. It's… it's just a little, silly disagreement. They will be fine.

179. Can someone do, uh, the rounds? I don't want anyone thirsty. Cheers.

180. Cheers.

181. Like you mean it. Mommy, hi! I'm keeping the energy up.

182. Why'd you even propose to me then? Hm?

183. If I've always said I didn't wanna get married?

184. All it took was you finding out that your parents' marriage isn't perfect.

185. That's what you needed.

186. To do the thing that I've been saying I wanted since the day we met.

187. I could have told you an hour into knowing them, Nicky,

188. that your parents don't have the marriage you've idolized.

189. Your mother is lovely, yes, but she's also a narcissist.

190. And your father is a broken romantic

191. who's looking for something to stuff the rest of himself into.

192. So their marriage only works because he reveres her.

193. And she needs to be revered.

194. He's completely consumed by her, and still he's not enough for her.

195. So they're both empty, and it's depressing to watch.

196. Thanks, Rachel, yeah. Thanks. Thank you for that.

197. So I guess we both don't wanna end up like your parents.

198. And, um, just to be clear in that scenario,

199. I'm the romantic, and you're the narcissist.

200. Oh. That's nice.

201. Yeah, no, that does make sense actually

202. because our whole relationship revolves around you.

203. Okay.

204. It's always me reassuring you that everything's okay,

205. even when there's literally nothing going on!

206. Because you think something's always out to get you,

207. so I'm always tiptoeing around your sensitivities.

208. Okay.

209. - 'Cause you can't handle anything. - I get it. I get it.

210. - Not even one day with my family… - I get it, Nicky.

211. …without me there, constantly reassuring you.

212. Every little thing is just an exhausting puzzle with you.

213. - Nothing is easy. - I get it.

214. - You're a really hard person to love! - I know!

215. Okay? I know!

216. Is that what you wanna hear?

217. Oh, fuck.

218. Cheers, everyone. That's it, bring the cheer.

219. Feel like it was me. It was me.

220. Should we leave? Wait, should we leave?

221. Portia said the ceremony's gonna resume soon.

222. Why'd you say yes, then?

223. - When I proposed, why'd you say yes? - Because…

224. Because… because I knew how much it meant to you,

225. and I… and I… I loved you, and…

226. Nicky, you're, like, the only person who could have gotten me here.

227. You loved me?

228. Do you not love me anymore?

229. - No. Go away. - I wanna know her answer.

230. - Get out. - My God.

231. Mom wants you in there, kissing and smiling

232. like you didn't slap her in the face in front of her bloodline

233. and everyone in this world she loves and respects.

234. - Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. - Ew, your hands are slimy.

235. Yes, Nicky, of course I love you still, okay?

236. And one of the things that I love the most about you

237. is that you are a rock, you are consistent, you are stable,

238. and you don't do things like dump me at the altar.

239. I wasn't breaking up with you.

240. - I was saving us. - Oh, good, yeah.

241. Do you think it worked?

242. If you really wanted to save us,

243. you would have said "I do" up there because I had everything under control.

244. Okay?

245. I had to go through a lot to get up there and say yes with confidence.

246. And if you don't marry me by sundown, the curse spreads to you and your family.

247. So, you know, actually, I was saving you.

248. - Oh my God, Rachel. What? - What do you mean, "what"?

249. Why are you acting shocked?

250. But I mean, haven't you seen Runaway Bride? It's a classic.

251. Oh, hi, guys. So great to see you.

252. - So cute. - Okay! Hi…

253. Fuck, I cannot get over it. Are you shaking? I'm like shaking a bit.

254. I don't wanna say it, but you owe me $50 each.

255. Oh my gosh. You guys made a bet?

256. After the rehearsal dinner, it seemed like a safe bet.

257. Technically, the bet was about her calling it off.

258. - You too? - What? I like money.

259. You lost the bet.

260. So, it's actually encrusted with rhinestones, not diamonds.

261. But the back is custom. Please don't touch, it's fragile.

262. Ugh! This is typical…

263. What the fuck was he thinking?

264. I don't know.

265. - And she didn't drink— - I don't know.

266. What I'm saying is that from my perspective,

267. you've been extra on edge since we got here.

268. And then you told me something bad was gonna happen.

269. And then you started talking about curses.

270. So can't you see why it made sense to me

271. that you'd be into the idea of us not getting married?

272. Like, all of that stuff coming up before our wedding,

273. it had to be caused in part by, like, the pressure or something.

274. Sorry. Nicky, stop.

275. What?

276. Do you not believe in the curse?

277. Marriage is the curse.

278. - I'm absolving us from that. - Oh my God, no, Nicky.

279. The curse is the curse. The absolution was us getting married.

280. Do you think that I, like, made this up?

281. - What? - I don't think you made it up. I just…

282. What? Tell me what it is, what?

283. What is it, like, a fear of commitment or stress?

284. - No, I don't… I just… - What?

285. I think… both of us have been cursed in our own ways

286. by the systems that raised us.

287. Oh my God.

288. And by not getting married, we are fixing that.

289. So when I say that I will die if you and I are not soulmates,

290. you don't believe me?

291. I don't think… Rachel…

292. What?

293. You don't think what?

294. Yeah, I don't think that would happen.

295. You literally just told me you believe me. You literally just told me you believe me.

296. Right before I walked down the aisle. This is crazy. This is crazy.

297. Wait, wait. Hold on, hold on.

298. This is crazy. I can't believe it!

299. - No, no. No, no. - I didn't mean for it to get like this.

300. You know that I put my confidence in us

301. because I thought that you saw me!

302. I thought that we saw each other.

303. Can we just go back… Can we just go back to, like, four hours ago, please?

304. I like what I see…

305. Bride's side or groom's?

306. - Groom. - I knew it. Are you married?

307. - Uh, yeah. - To each other?

308. - Yeah. - Do you believe she's your soulmate?

309. Yeah. For sure.

310. For sure.

311. Sorry. Um, we're just gonna go back… back… back to our table. Let's go.

312. What happens at a wedding reception where there's no bride or groom?

313. Is that, like, a setup for one of your bad jokes?

314. - No, honey, it's a genuine question. - How should I know?

315. - Please, for you, sir. - No!

316. Hmm.

317. I don't know what you want me to do! I—

318. You don't let me think independently of you!

319. You don't accept it when I don't share your exact perspective.

320. I can't change what I believe in.

321. But you can't believe me!

322. - Okay, that's different. - You can't believe me!

323. - That's different, okay? - How?

324. I don't believe in, like, supernatural shit

325. or, like, cosmic retribution or curses.

326. Okay. Well, I don't believe in fucking aliens,

327. but if you told me that with certainty that you saw a fucking alien,

328. I would believe you, Nicky.

329. I'm sorry, Rachel. I don't… I— You don't…

330. You knew this about me, okay? This isn't, like, new information.

331. What you do… What you do, Nicky, when you love someone is

332. you believe the person that you love. That's what trust is.

333. So when you told me that you believed me, I believed you.

334. Instead of looking at a catalog of all the things you've said in the past

335. because I am fucking seeing you in the moment, in every moment,

336. I am looking at you, and you just… you don't fucking do that for me.

337. You don't.

338. You just… You chose a version of me a long time ago, and that's all I am, and…

339. …then you get… you get frustrated when I'm not it

340. because then you don't know who to be, and you know what? It's bad, Nicky.

341. It's a bad fucking quality

342. because you have made it impossible, impossible for me to exist!

343. Two tequilas, please.

344. Hmm.

345. - I like your jacket. - Yeah, thanks.

346. Can I have it?

347. 3:45. I'm getting them.

348. Hey.

349. What the fuck is going on in there?

350. Fuckers.

351. Impossible!

352. Let me in.

353. Rachel, the sun sets at 4:44. That's less than an hour.

354. - What the hell are you doing? - I need a minute.

355. You're running out of minutes. I'm getting the master key. Dickheads.

356. At first I was afraid, I was petrified

357. Kept thinkin' I could never live Without you by my side

358. But then I spent so many nights Thinkin' how you did me wrong…

359. There's my boy! Jude, come, come, come, come, come. Come on. Come on.

360. If you weren't… if you weren't cursed, would you still have said yes?

361. Oh my God, that's irrelevant!

362. It's like asking me,

363. "Oh, do you think you'd be right-handed if you had no fucking arms?"

364. Well, I still want an answer.

365. Just turn around now…

366. You have nothing to say. You know what, Nicky?

367. But actually, you were just babied by your mother

368. and sheltered from the entire fucking world,

369. so you know nothing about the real world, Nicky. Nothing.

370. Oh, no, not I, I will survive…

371. …an evil person. I think your brain should be studied.

372. God, that was, like, two fucking years ago, Nicky.

373. Okay, well, I would never disappear on you for a fucking week.

374. I'll survive…

375. Go smoke some weed about it.

376. You think you're a romantic?

377. Hey, hey

378. Stoop to my level?

379. You're the most manipulative fucking person I've—

380. It took all the strength I had Not to fall apart

381. Kept tryin' hard To mend the pieces of my broken heart

382. And I spent oh-so many nights Just feelin' sorry for myself…

383. Oh my God.

384. - I knew you would ruin the wedding. - I didn't, Portia.

385. I… I know that this has been a tough week, but whatever problems you two are having,

386. I… I promise you will be able to work it out, okay?

387. But now is not the time.

388. - Just let them do what they need to do. - Nope, not now.

389. They have to get married, Dad. They have to.

390. - What happened out there, man? - I don't need this right now.

391. None of us need this right now. Grow up and get married.

392. - What the hell are you doing? - Get out of my way.

393. - Hey. - You didn't drink it?

394. No, I… I put my faith in him.

395. Why would you do that?

396. - Because I was 98%. - Sorry, drink what?

397. What the fuck are you doing? Look at her. Marry her.

398. Who cares about your brand-new life philosophy?

399. - Marry her, or we're all fucked! - And, uh, drink what, Nell?

400. Oh, shut up, Portia. You have to get married.

401. - Oh, what, because of the curse? - Yes!

402. - He doesn't believe in it. - Oh, it's real.

403. And if you don't marry her, it spreads to our family.

404. That means Jude's gonna have it too, right?

405. - What do you mean? All of us? - Yes.

406. I don't understand.

407. All right, everybody just calm down.

408. Sweetheart. Hey.

409. You didn't mean what you said out there, did you?

410. I was…

411. - I was just trying to do the right thing. - You have five minutes.

412. Jules!

413. Okay, come on. Let's go. Dad, get ready to say your thing.

414. - Let's go get that witness. - Stop it, Jules.

415. - Why aren't any of you moving? - I'm moving…

416. Rachel, come on. Rachel, come on.

417. Okay, let's just go out there and… and finish the ceremony. You know?

418. You have no reason to be embarrassed.

419. No one's mad.

420. Sweetheart, look at me.

421. Everything's gonna be okay.

422. Come on.

423. I'm so sorry. Hey.

424. Should we try again? Do you wanna…

425. Do you wanna go back out there and try again?

426. What do you say? What do you say?

427. Rachel, should we…

428. What do you say?

429. No.

430. No, Nicky.

431. I'm not gonna marry you.

432. Oh, when will I stop Stop, stop, stop loving you, baby?

433. - No, no, never, no, never, no, yeah - Never, never

434. When the ocean's as dry as sand

435. When I can hold the world In the palm of one hand

436. When we can take a walk to the moon

437. When I can place the world And its people in one room…

438. - What are you doing? - I'm not gonna fucking die for him.

439. You're not gonna die. You said you believe he was your soulmate.

440. - Well, I don't. - Rachel, come on.

441. - Please do this one thing for me. - This one thing? This one thing?

442. Nicky, I did all of this for you. I did all of this for you.

443. I said yes to the proposal for you.

444. I said yes up there because I believed in you, but I'm done.

445. I'm done, okay?

446. I'm not gonna betray myself for you anymore.

447. I deserve a second chance. I deserve a second chance.

448. - Rachel. Come on. - Don't do this, please.

449. All you had to do was believe me, Nicky.

450. Fuck, it's 4:45.

451. - Full-time groover - Full-time groover

452. I'll…

453. Oh, I'll be your baby

454. Oh my God.

455. Jude! Jude!

456. What do we do? What do we do?

457. I don't know. I don't know.

458. I can't hear you!

459. I'll… I'll figure it out, okay? I'm gonna… Fuck, where is he?

460. - Zander? - Baby?

461. You're okay. You're okay. Just sit right here.

462. Mama! Mama!

463. Look out!

464. You! Look.

465. Sorry. You're okay.

466. Just put pressure on it. You're gonna be fine.

467. Honey, what the hell is happening to your family? Oh my God!

468. Close your eyes, son. Close your eyes.

469. Hey! You!

470. This is what you meant? Why didn't you fucking tell me this would happen?

471. I warned you. I told you it would spread to his bloodline.

472. Mom, no.

473. I knew that bitch was satanic from the second I saw her.

474. - No one listens to me. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

475. What's happening?

476. It'll be okay. Huh? You're okay.

477. - Lock the door. - Okay.

478. And don't let anyone in but me and Nellie, got it?

479. Okay.

480. - Keep the TV on loud. - Super Bowl LX, Patriots—

481. I love you. And I won't let anything happen to you.

482. I'll be right back. I promise.

483. It's gonna be an absolute bloodbath as Seahawks take the field.

484. Okay, listen. This fucking curse spread to our bloodline.

485. That's gonna happen to me?

486. Not if you think your Vegas husband's your soulmate.

487. You got married?

488. Mom, I'm so sorry. It was a mistake. I never should have done it.

489. - Mom? Mom? Forgive me. - This isn't happening.

490. It is happening, and it's your fault, you stupid shit.

491. All you had to do was marry her.

492. This all happened because you didn't marry her.

493. I think there's something we can do to stop it.

494. - Guys, what do we do? - Sweetie, we're getting help.

495. I'm sorry. It was a mistake.

496. Why didn't you sign the divorce papers?

497. I don't know what my life looks like without you.

498. - Oh my God! - Am I bleeding?

499. Not yet.

500. Rach. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, I'm sorry.

501. I'm so sorry. I totally fucked up.

502. And I'm so, so sorry.

503. I believe you're my soulmate, and I'm yours. We're soulmates.

504. You believe me now?

505. I do.

506. I do.

507. I promise.

508. I promise I'll always believe you from now on, I promise.

509. - I promise. - No, Nicky.

510. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

511. You may now kiss the bride.

512. Rachel.

513. Rachel.

514. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

515. No! No! He can't sign that.

516. You already said your vows.

517. - They wanted to complete the ceremony. - Hurry up, please!

518. No, but the curse already spread, so this is not gonna stop it, right?

519. It won't stop it. Nicky.

520. Nicky. Nicky. We… Look at me.

521. We both have the fucking curse now. Getting married is only gonna kill us.

522. - Not if we're soulmates. - We're not.

523. I still think you're mine.

524. Jules…

525. We had to try to save everyone.

526. My son has it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm sorry.

527. You…

528. We're still soulmates, right?

529. Right?

530. I'm so sorry.

531. - Sorry, Rach. - Rachel.

532. No, Rachel.

533. Rachel, wait, wait. Jules, what did— You said… you said it would work.

534. - Why didn't it work? - It's too late. I'm sorry.

535. You're okay, baby girl.

536. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

537. You're okay.

538. For me?

539. Finally, you've come for me.

540. Why isn't it happening to you?

541. Do you know where my lighter is?

542. It's okay. It's okay.

543. Jude.

544. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, okay?

545. But remember that…

546. it did happen.

547. So don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

548. You're gonna be okay. Yeah?

549. Listen to me.

550. You have to be really, really, really, really careful who you choose to marry.

551. But don't worry. I'll be there to witness, okay?

552. Okay.

553. Okay.

554. I'll see you later.

555. You just stepped into the main track

556. Climbed down off the fence

557. Words are your weapon

558. Lies are your defense

559. I know what you want

560. And I see what you see

561. You're looking for somebody

562. But he isn't me

563. Find yourself another

564. We will not be lovers

565. Now your eyes are like torches

566. Your presence is bliss

567. I never knew time

568. Could speed and zip like this

569. The touch of your flesh

570. Is tough to resist

571. Planets collide, collide, collide

572. At the smack of your kiss

573. But you can kiss your brother

574. Because we will not be lovers, no

575. Now you're pulling down curtains

576. Sparking old flames

577. Causing disturbance

578. Crying for shame

579. Rapping on doors

580. Abusing my name

581. Casting up doubt

582. Throwing your blame But you can throw it at your mother

583. At your mother

584. Because we will not be lovers

585. Now the world's full of trouble

586. Everybody's scared

587. Landlords are frowning

588. Cupboards are bare

589. People are scrambling

590. Like dogs for a share

591. It's cruel and it's hard

592. But it nothing compared to What we do to each other

593. To each other