Something Very Bad Is Going to Happen 1x5

1. Thanks for the ride and… everything.

2. So, uh… what the fuck are you gonna do now?

3. I'm gonna… smile my face off at the rehearsal dinner tonight

4. and survive my wedding day tomorrow and, you know,

5. live happily ever after because

6. he is my soulmate.

7. Yeah. Well, I think you might be in denial.

8. You're 100% sure he's your soulmate?

9. Yeah. We have fate on our side.

10. I mean, pure fate, the way that we met, and…

11. lots of other things.

12. We have a great relationship, so, yeah, I'm gonna… I'm gonna be fine.

13. Just… give me a percentage.

14. 75, 80?

15. Hey, you made us all stand around telling a creepy stick doll about our feelings.

16. 92.

17. - Okay. - Okay.

18. So you'd get on a plane if the pilot was like,

19. "Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen."

20. "There is a 92% chance we make it to our destination."

21. I would trust my gut, and Nicky would too, and I know that. For a fact.

22. Just, you know, maybe get… get that number up to 100…

23. - Okay. - …before you walk down the aisle.

24. Yeah. Great. Thanks. Okay.

25. - Okay. - I'm not… I'm not gonna die.

26. All right.

27. - Good night. - It's fucking morning.

28. Where have you been?

29. Do you believe in curses?

30. Mmm.

31. I had a dream you were a tarantula, and you were mad at me.

32. And then

33. you were you again, and then you were really, really mad at me,

34. and then

35. you left me at the altar.

36. I would never do that to you.

37. Mmm.

38. Are you gonna turn into a giant spider, though?

39. I'm gonna try really hard not to.

40. You are the one person for me.

41. You are the one.

42. Of course. I feel the same way.

43. No, I'm serious.

44. Mmm.

45. What your mom said about you, about your soul…

46. It's so pure and perfect.

47. I'm never gonna let anything happen to it because your soul is mine,

48. and mine is yours, okay?

49. We are good. We are incredible. We're the best couple we know.

50. Mmm.

51. - What's up with you? - Don't you agree?

52. - No, I completely agree. - Okay, then why are you like…

53. I'm just… No, I like it. You're just…

54. - You're being so… - What?

55. - Romantic. - Honest?

56. Mmm.

57. We are soulmates.

58. So it doesn't matter.

59. What doesn't matter?

60. It's impossible

61. Tell the sun to leave the sky

62. It's just impossible

63. It's impossible

64. Ask a baby not to cry

65. It's just impossible

66. Can I hold you

67. Closer to me

68. And not feel you goin' through me?

69. Split the second

70. That I never think of you

71. Oh, how impossible

72. Can the ocean

73. Keep from rushing to the shore?

74. It's just impossible

75. If I had you

76. Could I ever want for more?

77. It's just impossible

78. And tomorrow

79. Should you ask me for the world

80. Somehow I'd get it

81. I would sell my very soul

82. And not regret it

83. For to live without your love

84. It's just impossible

85. Can the ocean

86. Keep from rushing to the shore…

87. - Oh, look at you! - You're all so beautiful.

88. Good afternoon, our beloved family.

89. We would like to welcome you all here, those who've come from near and from far…

90. Yes.

91. …to celebrate our son, Nicky, and his lovely bride, Rachel.

92. - Yay! - Nicky!

93. I would like to take this opportunity to tell a story

94. about the love that created you

95. because neither of you would be here if it weren't for you and me.

96. Some will spend their entire lifetimes asking themselves,

97. "What makes two people soulmates?"

98. I can tell you this with absolute certainty.

99. - I found my soulmate by a stroke of luck. - Aw…

100. Some may even call it fate.

101. I was an intern at the time.

102. In fact, I had just completed a 30-hour shift

103. when something tells me that I shouldn't leave just yet.

104. Something tells me that I need to go back and say goodbye to my buddy, Beau,

105. who was just starting his shift in the ER.

106. I hear this angry voice yelling at me.

107. I turn around,

108. and there is the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen staring at me.

109. And what was this gorgeous woman saying?

110. She was saying…

111. …"Can you put it back on?"

112. And what a sight. This beautiful woman is standing there

113. with a bloody dish towel wrapped around her finger,

114. saying she'd nearly sliced it off, and she'd been waiting there all night.

115. Yes, we go back into the ER, and I'm starting to wonder,

116. "Does this man even work here?"

117. And, you know, I convince myself because he's got the hospital badge,

118. he's got the scrubs.

119. So I think he must at least be a doctor.

120. Well, yeah, but I'm not an ER doctor,

121. though I had done a rotation in emergency medicine,

122. so I'm racking my brain trying to remember what… what to do.

123. I take her to an exam room.

124. I start gluing her finger back together, which is going surprisingly well.

125. Oh, it was so painful,

126. and I started to think, "This guy really doesn't know what the hell he's doing."

127. But you stayed.

128. Well, you were cute, and I was bleeding.

129. Just a short while later,

130. I took that same finger, and I put a ring on it.

131. I still can't feel the tip of it, though.

132. Don't tell them that!

133. It's okay.

134. I'd make the same trade again and again to have you.

135. Aw!

136. So… here we are.

137. Here all of you are!

138. And tonight, I would like you to share your wisdom

139. with our newest soldiers on the warpath to holy matrimony.

140. Please join me

141. in raising a glass to the happy couple, to fate,

142. and pretending you can do something,

143. even if you can't, as long as it's in the name of love.

144. Cheers.

145. Cheers.

146. All right, please, let's enjoy the party.

147. I love that story.

148. My mother told us the best thing you can do before you decide to marry someone

149. is go through something traumatic together.

150. How will you find out who the other person really is?

151. It's essential.

152. But what if nothing traumatic happens?

153. Or did you go through something traumatic together on purpose?

154. Oh, no, we didn't need to. Frank's mother died in front of us.

155. Has anyone died in front of you?

156. Uh…

157. Kind of.

158. What about you and Nicky together?

159. Uh, no, no one's ever died in front of us together.

160. Well, you have two days.

161. - Excuse me. - Rachie! Rachie!

162. - Oh. - There you are.

163. Sorry. Have you met our cousin Kiki?

164. She's on a lot of Xanax. Kiki!

165. There she is!

166. I love your look. It's so edgy.

167. Oh, thanks.

168. Rachel's a psychiatrist.

169. - Oh, no, I'm a— - You are? What do I have?

170. Sorry, that— What do you have of what?

171. I want a second opinion.

172. You don't have to diagnose her here in public.

173. You can tell her later in private.

174. This is my husband, Doug. We're childhood sweethearts.

175. - They met at Columbia. - Hi.

176. - How did you meet Nicky? - Oh, it's such a good story.

177. It's almost as good as my parents'. It's like cosmic fate.

178. Um, okay.

179. Tell them the story.

180. Okay.

181. So, um, a couple years ago, I was traveling all over the country

182. interviewing for graduate programs.

183. And my last interview was at UT Austin.

184. And I had this terrible feeling all day,

185. but I… I forced myself to go to the interview,

186. but the feeling is just, like, growing and growing

187. and, like, suffocating me.

188. Anyway, by the time I get to the airport, it was just completely overwhelming.

189. I'm at the gate, and I'm standing in line to board the plane.

190. And it suddenly hits me.

191. This… this is the bad thing.

192. If I get on this plane… something—

193. How did you know that?

194. I can't explain it. I just knew. And then I started really freaking out.

195. So, I'm watching all these people get on the plane, and…

196. …I'm totally paralyzed.

197. Eventually, I'm the only one left,

198. and the gate agent is, like, getting on the intercom,

199. looking straight at me, saying,

200. "Final boarding, last call, all ticketed passengers."

201. But you weren't the last one, right?

202. No.

203. There was one other person.

204. This… guy. This… cute guy.

205. And I thought, "Fuck."

206. "It's so sad that this cute guy is gonna perish

207. with everyone else on this doomed flight."

208. Final, final boarding.

209. And I, at this point, haven't moved in, like, 20 minutes,

210. and the gate agent is all pissed off, and the cute guy notices me,

211. and he walks to where I'm standing, and he says, "Are you okay?"

212. And normally I'd be like, "Yeah, I'm fine."

213. Like, "Go away."

214. But there was just something so inherently trustworthy about him.

215. I literally look at him, and I say, "I'm gonna sound crazy,

216. but… I have a feeling that something bad is gonna happen,

217. and I can't explain it any more than that, but I'm not getting on that plane."

218. And he looks at me,

219. and with this perfect little smile, he says, "Fuck it."

220. "Let's drive."

221. - No. - Yes.

222. - Yeah. Just like that. "Fuck it." - Yes.

223. - "Let's drive." - Mmm.

224. At a moment's notice, no questions asked, he just trusted my feelings as real.

225. Wow. It's like… like magic.

226. It's not even the best part.

227. - Rachel— - Oh my God. Tell 'em the best part.

228. Stop being Jules, Jules.

229. Tell them the line.

230. So, the door is closed,

231. and we are officially on this journey together,

232. and I thank him, you know, for doing this,

233. and he looks at me, and he says,

234. "I think you just saved my life."

235. Oh…

236. - Tears. - I know.

237. When was this?

238. - Hmm? - When was this?

239. Three years ago.

240. - When exactly? - Crazy. Uh, February.

241. Why does that matter?

242. - So, did the plane crash? - Who gives a shit, Doug?

243. Rachel. Rachel.

244. - There's someone I wanna introduce you to. - Okay.

245. - Sorry. - Bye. Lovely to meet you both.

246. Just through here.

247. You…

248. - You okay? - Yeah.

249. Mmm.

250. I… I'm not actually introducing you to anyone.

251. - Oh? - You looked in need of saving. No?

252. No. I was actually thriving.

253. - Thriving? Oh, you were? Oh, okay. - Yeah.

254. - Do you want to talk about it? - Talk about what?

255. - What's your percentage now? - I don't know what you're talking about.

256. Have you told him?

257. No, he doesn't need to know if it's not gonna be a problem, and it's not.

258. Because a soulmate is fated.

259. Right? Our souls are connected, and then they split apart, and the way that we met…

260. I mean, the odds. The fucking odds.

261. Of all people I've met and all the circumstances,

262. I mean, if there is such thing as a soulmate,

263. then, yes, Nicky is my soulmate.

264. Okay.

265. And also because I love him.

266. Okay.

267. Okay. You don't have to believe me.

268. Mm-hmm.

269. - Do you believe you? - Yes, I do. Yes.

270. - You do? Okay. - I do.

271. I mean, I'd take, like, one fucking sign from the universe

272. that confirms Nicky is my soulmate so I don't die at the altar,

273. but yes, I do.

274. Mmm…

275. It's not coming.

276. That's funny.

277. - How about a drink? - Oh, yes.

278. By the time I was at the airport, I was just suffocated with this feeling.

279. I couldn't bring myself to get on the plane.

280. I just knew that something very bad—

281. The gate agent is like, "Final boarding, last call, all ticketed passengers,"

282. and I'm totally paralyzed.

283. Like, I haven't moved in 20, 25 minutes.

284. And this cute guy, it's too bad that he's gonna perish

285. with everyone else on this doomed flight.

286. Wow.

287. And so I look at the gate agent, and she's looking at me,

288. and she's all pissed off, and I notice the guy, the cute guy, and…

289. "Fuck it. Let's drive."

290. Sorry, I already said this to you. I'm, like, repeating myself.

291. "I think you just saved my life." "I think you just saved my life."

292. "I think you just saved my life."

293. "I think you just saved my life."

294. Wow, that's so amazing.

295. So is this the fate thing?

296. This story, your fated meeting,

297. the reason you think Nicky is your soulmate?

298. Yes, a city that neither of us live in.

299. We happen to be on the same flight,

300. and he understands my inexplicable dread enough to drive me across the country.

301. Honestly, it's so romantic. Like, truly, right out of a movie.

302. But also kind of creepy. I mean, he was a stranger, right?

303. Babe. It's not creepy at all.

304. It would've been if you weren't getting married.

305. - But they are, so it's just romantic. - Why was Nicky in Austin anyway?

306. Uh, I think that he was visiting a friend from college.

307. - Which friend? - Who cares?

308. Something doesn't add up.

309. What doesn't add up?

310. Can you stop picking holes in the story? It's a good story.

311. - Where did you guys meet? - Hi.

312. - Hi. - Hi. Oh.

313. - Hi. Hi. - Speaking of.

314. Um, so my Aunt Valerie is begging to meet you.

315. She said she has some very important marital advice for us, so…

316. - Marital advice? Okay. - Yeah.

317. - Oh, nice to meet you. - Gotta steal her.

318. Bye. Good to meet you.

319. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Do you see this?

320. Behind me, see this caterer?

321. That's the guy who hit me at the rest stop.

322. - The one who left his baby in the car. - Wait…

323. - What? - Yeah, I know.

324. Turns out we went to elementary school together.

325. He's actually, uh… No, he's… No, he's a… he's a nice guy.

326. All right, come on.

327. Are you serious?

328. And it works every time.

329. So you, uh… you get into an argument, and you're both frustrated,

330. and you come to a standstill.

331. It works like a charm because it tells the truth.

332. You've got nowhere to hide. It's so simple.

333. Here it is.

334. Five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact.

335. Oh… Oh, okay, yeah, that… that sounds…

336. Effective.

337. - That's what I was gonna say. - Go ahead. You'll see.

338. - In the middle of the party? - Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Five minutes.

339. Eye contact only. No talking. Don't look away.

340. - Great. - I'll time you, okay? You ready?

341. - Okay. - Three, two, one, go.

342. Who's the friend you were visiting in Austin when we met?

343. - My… my college roommate, Chris. - Oh.

344. You met Chris. He's the one who's allergic to everything.

345. You're ruining it by talking.

346. - No talking. Eye contact only. - Oh, okay.

347. - Don't look at me. - Oh, okay.

348. Okay, start over.

349. Starting. Three, two, one.

350. Go.

351. What? What happened?

352. Let's dance. Yes.

353. - You wanna dance? - Yeah.

354. - But you only did two minutes. - I don't know how to dance to this.

355. Well, shouldn't we learn how to dance properly?

356. - We never dance properly. - Just do what they're doing.

357. I don't care what anybody tells you.

358. It's all about the sex.

359. Gotta keep that spark alive.

360. Do whatever it takes. And I mean, whatever it takes.

361. Add some bodies.

362. Subtract the bodies, you know.

363. These are divisive times we live in.

364. It's just so nice to remember what it's actually all about.

365. - Love. - Please don't interrupt.

366. - I'm sorry. - What was the question?

367. You were just telling us the secret to a happy marriage.

368. …how freedom could be construed as anything but romance.

369. I can see how someone could think of it as a smart…

370. I know you're supposed to live happily ever after.

371. No one likes to think about the big bad D.

372. But there's romance, and then there's ignorance.

373. It's not so binary, honey.

374. The hell it isn't. Everything is.

375. You are my destiny

376. You are what you are to me

377. You are my happi—

378. Making your grandfather proud from the great beyond?

379. Oh God… Um…

380. He is.

381. Yeah, you know, I… I hope so.

382. When are you gonna tell us this famous story we keep hearing about?

383. - The story of how you and Nicky met? - Oh, yeah.

384. Well, a couple years ago, I was flying all around the country and—

385. What are you doing?

386. I'm Instagram stalking.

387. Who?

388. I'm trying to find girl Nicky. Um, I'm pretty sure she was from Austin.

389. Who?

390. Girl Nicky, you know?

391. The girl Nicky dated after that girl Molly and then before Rachel.

392. Why?

393. Something isn't adding up. What was her last name? Do you remember?

394. - Do you remember? - Come with me.

395. - No. - Yeah?

396. No. Hey.

397. Why are you so obsessed with this story?

398. Because Rachel's fucking cursed.

399. What's that got to do with it?

400. She clearly thinks this stupid romantic story proves

401. that they're meant to be together and that it's gonna save her life.

402. But I think there's more to it, and I need to prove it. I need to…

403. Why?

404. - So she doesn't die. - Sorry. Behind you.

405. So she doesn't die like her mother did.

406. But why is that your problem?

407. Because her dying mother told me to prevent the same thing

408. from happening to her, so I have to try.

409. This can't be your burden.

410. But I was there.

411. - But you shouldn't have been. - But I was.

412. Maybe I was there for a reason, you know?

413. It all… it all makes sense now.

414. It's not a fake monster story. It's real fucking horror.

415. What I saw back then

416. fucked me up.

417. You wanted me to do something about it.

418. Now I can do something about it.

419. And it's this.

420. It's fine that you don't believe in it.

421. But I saw it with my own eyes.

422. Girl Nicky's last name is Stewart, I think.

423. Just try not to, like… ruin the party with your takedown of romance.

424. I'm the only one left.

425. The gate agent is getting on the intercom, looking straight at me, saying,

426. "Final boarding, last call, all ticketed passengers," and—

427. You forgot the cute guy.

428. - Oh, right. - Thank you.

429. Yes, sorry, just me and this cute guy.

430. And, um, the gate agent is just saying my name

431. over and over and over and over again.

432. And then the cute guy comes over—

433. Why weren't they calling his name too?

434. - Hmm? - You…

435. You keep saying you were the last two passengers,

436. but they were only calling your name.

437. Ignore him. Keep going. So he comes over, and he says…

438. I, uh…

439. You've never wondered?

440. Uh, no, Jules. I've never even thought about it.

441. Well, he's right here. We can ask him now.

442. What…

443. - What are you doing right now? - Jules, can this wait?

444. I'm just trying to understand the story.

445. I don't get why they weren't also calling your name.

446. It's weird. I don't know why.

447. But it doesn't make sense.

448. - Let's get a drink. - Wait, wait.

449. Hey, I have a drink. Wait.

450. What? I want to know.

451. Nicky.

452. Okay. It was February 15th, right? The day you met?

453. - Uh, yes. - Dude.

454. - Stop. Let him finish. - Oh my God.

455. See, I was confused because I thought you two met in March,

456. but then she said February, and that confused me more

457. because I thought you were dating girl Nicky in February 2023.

458. So I checked her Instagram,

459. and yeah, she posted you on Valentine's Day that year.

460. And also, you must have been dating girl Nicky

461. because you were gonna bring her to our wedding.

462. Which was on February 15th.

463. The wedding you skipped, which was not in… Where were you flying to?

464. Uh, Chicago.

465. It was not in Chicago. It was in California.

466. So I'm doing the math, and I guess what really happened

467. is that you were in Austin with girl Nicky.

468. And she dumped you either on Valentine's Day or the day after.

469. - That's enough. - She dumped you right before.

470. You were both supposed to fly to our wedding,

471. and you didn't get on the plane.

472. Maybe because you were too ashamed to go to our wedding alone.

473. I don't know.

474. But you must have sat in that airport all day,

475. moping around, looking for someone to save you

476. because you're too codependent to be single for more than two minutes.

477. And then you found her, an escape hatch.

478. All this time, I thought you missed my wedding

479. because you had the stomach flu and that you met her, like, a month later.

480. But actually, you lied to both of us.

481. So that's why they weren't calling his name.

482. Because he wasn't on the flight.

483. Your soulmate's a liar.

484. How sure are you now?

485. 15%?

486. Want to talk about fate? How about the way you and I met?

487. - Okay, you can shut up now, Jules. - At your birth.

488. Shut up.

489. Nicky. Why don't you take Rachel to meet Uncle Lee?

490. I'm just saying. That's fate, not this.

491. - Thank you, Jules. - I think I just saved your life.

492. Nicky!

493. - Shut the fuck up, Jules! - Daddy, do something!

494. I'm so sorry.

495. What the fuck was that?

496. I am so sorry. I lied to you.

497. - I shouldn't— - You lied to me about so many things.

498. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I should've been up-front.

499. You lied to me today, Nicky.

500. I asked you why you were in Austin.

501. You said you were visiting your fucking college roommate.

502. I know, but I did see him on that trip too.

503. Rachel, does it really matter that I wasn't supposed to be on that flight?

504. We still had the best adventure. We wouldn't have met.

505. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here right now. We'd be strangers.

506. So who… who cares if I was on the flight or not?

507. It does matter, Nicky! It does matter!

508. Because I finally thought that I met someone who felt the same things as me.

509. But no!

510. It turns out that you were just sad and single,

511. and you saw a scared girl at the airport and said, "Oh, fun! An adventure!"

512. Well, I am not a fucking adventure for you to go on.

513. Come on, Rachel. We're getting married.

514. It doesn't matter anymore, the exact scenario under which we met.

515. Nicky, did you invite my dad to the wedding?

516. Do not lie to me.

517. - But it doesn't matter. He didn't respond. - Why?

518. - Why? - He isn't coming.

519. - Why would you do that, Nicky? - Fuck. I'm sorry.

520. I regretted it immediately, but you didn't have anyone coming!

521. And my parents kept asking me and asking me and…

522. I was afraid that you'd look back someday and wish he'd been here.

523. My fucking psychotic father, who I haven't spoken to in 11 years?

524. I made a huge mistake, okay? I knew it was wrong. I'm sorry.

525. Rachel, I just… I just wanna be with you.

526. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm fucking up so much. I'm sorry.

527. Is it true that you got out of a relationship the day we met?

528. So what? I'm, like, a…

529. a rebound.

530. - You're not a rebound. - I'm, like, a rebound!

531. Rachel, we're getting married.

532. You're not a rebound.

533. We are still getting married.

534. Right?

535. Mmm.

536. You'd seriously consider throwing away everything that happened after that day?

537. All of the… all of the love and trust that we have now

538. because I… I didn't think the plane was going down when I met you?

539. Maybe I shouldn't have saved your life that day.

540. Oh yeah, well, you didn't. The plane didn't fucking crash.

541. Hi!

542. So sorry to interrupt, but dinner is served by candlelight.

543. Very romantic.

544. Maybe it'll help change your all's attitude. Huh?

545. Put on a happy face. Rachel, you're wearing a T-shirt.

546. - You can't wear that. - I don't give a fuck!

547. Oh my gosh! She is so mean!

548. She looks poor.

549. - Portia, you can't say that. - Wait. Why not?

550. Thank you.

551. Hi!

552. Hi!

553. I… I just wanted to, uh, apologize on behalf of myself and my fiancé

554. for what happened earlier.

555. We really do appreciate you all being here,

556. and we did not intend to put on a show, but, hey, free show.

557. Um, I wanted to tell another story quickly, a different story… Um…

558. So, I'm going to die on Sunday.

559. It's not a joke. Really.

560. There is a horrible, fucked-up curse that has plagued my bloodline for centuries,

561. and if I don't marry my soulmate by sundown on Sunday, I will die.

562. And if I don't get married, the curse will spread to his bloodline,

563. which is, like, all of you.

564. Sorry, Jules.

565. I don't think I told you that part.

566. I mean, put yourself in my position. Would you have married that person?

567. - What is she doing? - She's drunk. Want me to stop her?

568. But don't worry, because I… I wouldn't do that to you.

569. - That's enough. That's enough. Rachel. - It happened to my mother.

570. She got married and died right over there, actually,

571. on the other side of these woods. I just found out I was born in this place,

572. which is actually kind of crazy because now it appears

573. I'm going to die here as well, so…

574. Yes, you are right. It is actually kind of like cosmic fate, Portia.

575. So to echo your sentiment, Dr. Cunningham, here is one.

576. To fate.

577. That was the plane crashing.

578. Please keep eating.

579. My death, it haunts him

580. Like a ship without a sail

581. I know I'll be gone soon

582. But just for him, I will prevail

583. - He doesn't like it when I cry - Cry, cry, cry

584. And now he's gone So I'm crying all the time

585. Crying all the time

586. Crying all the time

587. My death, it taunts me

588. Like a ship without a sail

589. I know I'll be gone soon

590. But just for him, I will prevail

591. - He doesn't like it when I cry - Cry, cry, cry

592. And now he's gone So I'm crying all the time

593. Crying all the time

594. Crying all the time

595. - He doesn't like it when I cry - Cry, cry, cry

596. And now he's gone So I'm crying all the time