Smallville 1x7

1. You know, if you're not in the mood for my spaghetti...

2. we could always order in Thai.

3. No spaghetti, no Thai.

4. I wanna look good for Lana's birthday party.

5. I just think that maybe you're focusing a little too hard on this one party.

6. It's not just the party, it's everything. It's...

7. Nobody likes me.

8. And why should they? I'm a cow.

9. But, I've got a new plan.

10. From now on, no more food. Just this.

11. Cutting the heads off supermodels. It's kind of redundant, isn't it?

12. Just looking for outfit ideas.

13. I still don't have anything to wear to Lana's party.

14. What's up?

15. Pete and I were hoping you could give us a quick algebra download.

16. I thought Clark usually helps you guys.

17. He's a little preoccupied helping the birthday girl.

18. We'll even buy you lunch.

19. That looks... appetizing.

20. Losing weight is never pretty.

21. Ross, we're getting a game together.

22. Do you want in, or do you want to keep whale-watching?

23. Dustin, back off.

24. Chill out, cool guy. I didn't know you were a chubby-chaser.

25. - Jodi, wait. - Oh, man.

26. You'd think someone that big would have a thicker skin.

27. You'd think someone that stupid would have a thicker head.

28. Jodi, we talked about this. Starving yourself isn't the way.

29. I'm tired of waiting.

30. Waiting and weighing and keeping a diary of everything that I eat...

31. so that I can feel guilty if I have one extra grape.

32. I understand all of that, but you can't just stop eating. It's not healthy.

33. Honey, you're beautiful already.

34. Just like your mother.

35. No, Dad. I'm not.

36. Mom wasn't fat.

37. Okay, that's enough.

38. Done already?

39. Your heart can go on like that forever.

40. Good.

41. I don't want to go through this physical nonsense for five years.

42. Well, let's hope not.

43. There is one thing I need to talk to you about.

44. Your blood work came in. You have an unusually elevated white-cell count.

45. What, like leukemia?

46. That's not likely. I don't get sick.

47. - Are you on any medication? - Nope.

48. - Do you have any allergies? - No.

49. Childhood illness?

50. - Asthma. - When did that stop?

51. The day I lost my hair. Is this going somewhere?

52. If this were anywhere else, I'd order a battery of tests.

53. But I do see a lot of this in Smallville.

54. Why should Smallville be any different?

55. Well, some say it's because the LuthorCorp plant has contaminated the environment.

56. I very much doubt that.

57. Let's order those tests.

58. Now, I want this to be special.

59. What do you think about a three-tier birthday cake?

60. Thanks for the lifeline.

61. It's a math midterm. I didn't pull you out of a burning building.

62. - I still appreciate it. - Lana?

63. I wanted to get your opinion on the balloons.

64. Now, I think white always looks good.

65. - Works for me. - Okay.

66. This whole birthday extravaganza has been pretty distracting.

67. Having a birthday party at Lex's mansion seems pretty cool to me.

68. It stopped being my party a long time ago.

69. If it was up to me, it would be pizza and loud music with my friends.

70. Did you tell Nell that?

71. We've been through a lot the past few months. I figure I should give her this one.

72. Lana, guess what.

73. The scout called!

74. - I got the tryout with Kansas State. - That's incredible!

75. Hey, congrats.

76. I haven't said yes yet.

77. They want me there on Saturday, your big night.

78. It's Nell's big night. I was just telling Clark it wasn't important.

79. Yeah, Scout's honor.

80. I want you to go.

81. Hey, I'll catch up with you guys later.

82. Clark, I'm telling you, this is good news for you.

83. Kansas State gives Whitney a full scholarship and Lana gives him a tongue bath.

84. How is that good news?

85. Even I'm having a hard time following this skewed logic.

86. Lana's going to be dateless for her own party.

87. Hi, Pete.

88. Jodi?

89. You look...

90. Thinner?

91. I was still looking for a euphemism, but, yeah.

92. - Are you okay? - Never better.

93. My diet's just starting to pay off. Bought some new clothes.

94. You look great.

95. Thank you for sticking up for me yesterday.

96. Most people wouldn't have done that.

97. Most people can't stand Dustin.

98. Yeah.

99. Listen. I was wondering, do you have a date for Lana's party?

100. No, he's still free.

101. Would you like to go with me?

102. He'd love to.

103. Great. Okay, well, I'll see you later.

104. Bye.

105. I don't get it.

106. Women dig me. Get used to it.

107. No, I mean Jodi. It's like she lost that weight overnight.

108. If she could do that, half the school would be after that secret. Come on.

109. Let's go.

110. - Hello. - Lana, hi. Come in.

111. Hey.

112. Lana, can I interest you in a latte?

113. I'll pass. Bad waitressing flashbacks.

114. I brought over the produce order for the party.

115. - You could have called it in. - And miss a chance to get out of the house?

116. Nell's planning this party like a royal wedding.

117. Oh, yeah, I can tell.

118. Dad, I got the posts in the west field.

119. I hit some granite, but I jammed it through.

120. Very impressive.

121. I had a sledgehammer.

122. Somebody's gotta work around here.

123. Thought you'd be posing for ice sculptures by now.

124. I'm hiding out.

125. You have my sympathies. Whitney's not even here for backup.

126. I know. I was contemplating stowing away in the back of his truck on Saturday.

127. A no-show at your own party. That would keep the town talking.

128. I wouldn't do that to Nell.

129. It's just, all this attention is a little unnerving.

130. Well, if you like, I could be your escort on Saturday.

131. You know, so I can fend off the throngs of adoring fans.

132. - I'd like that. - Great.

133. I better go.

134. If I'm away too long, Nell will probably send out a search party.

135. And Clark...

136. Promise me you'll make it this time.

137. I promise.

138. - Thanks. - Bye.

139. Escort to fend off the adoring fans?

140. - What's wrong with that? - Nothing, Clark.

141. I just don't want to see you get hurt.

142. Mom, Lana and I are just friends.

143. Okay.

144. I'm officially butting out.

145. So, what are you gonna get her for her birthday?

146. I don't know.

147. Any ideas?

148. My mother always said the best gifts come from the heart.

149. Jodi, you feeling okay? You look a little...

150. Yeah, don't worry, Dad, I'm feeling great.

151. I even got a date for Lana's party.

152. Jodi, that's terrific.

153. But I want you to eat something more than those shake things, all right?

154. You know what? I will.

155. I'm done counting calories.

156. I've gotta go.

157. - Don't stay up too late. - Okay.

158. Bye!

159. Getting your morning Lana fix?

160. Chloe, don't you ever knock?

161. It's a barn, Clark.

162. Is there a reason you're here early, or do you just enjoy busting my chops?

163. A little of both.

164. Did you hear about the accident last night? A deer was hit out on Route 5.

165. - It's not exactly "Wall of Weird" material. - Check out the paper.

166. Animal Control said that the deer died of causes unknown.

167. So?

168. Not much unknown about a bumper at 60 miles per hour.

169. I'd love to run down theories with you, but I've got chores to do.

170. And I still haven't figured out what to get Lana for her birthday.

171. Well, you or your family knows people at Animal Control, right?

172. One perk of growing up on a farm.

173. I was thinking we could stop by before school.

174. You could use your pull, take a couple of pictures.

175. I'll help you out with your gift-giving dilemma.

176. Okay, but I want it to be something unique.

177. Just don't make it as unique as what you gave me last year.

178. Very impressive use of pull: "Can I use your bathroom?"

179. I can't believe we're looking for road kill.

180. The deer's in there.

181. The door's locked.

182. I'm gonna go find a maintenance worker.

183. Chloe, it's open.

184. How'd you do that?

185. Kent charm.

186. Lift it up. Go.

187. Looks like jerky.

188. The lab report says the deer lost something like 80 percent of its body fat.

189. It's like it's been liposuctioned to death.

190. What do you think it is? Some fat-sucking vampire in town?

191. This is Smallville, Clark. Land of the weird, home of the strange.

192. Jodi, honey, are you-? Are you okay in there?

193. Yeah, Dad, I'm fine.

194. Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

195. I've gotta go to Metropolis for a few days or I'm going to lose this client.

196. When will you be back?

197. Not till Sunday morning, which means I'm gonna miss your big date.

198. It's okay, it's no big deal.

199. Well, do you think maybe I could see you before I leave?

200. I'm kind of indecent at the moment.

201. Honey, I think that maybe we need to talk to somebody.

202. I don't need a shrink.

203. I just want you to look in a mirror and be happy.

204. Daddy, I am.

205. Most of my friends are trying to get out of high school.

206. I was meeting with your principal.

207. Apparently, you guys are in dire need of a new computer lab.

208. I figured I could help.

209. They might even name a lunch special after you.

210. - How'd you end up here? - My plant manager, Gabe.

211. He's always going on about his daughter, the reporter on the Torch.

212. Thought I'd drop by and say hello.

213. - She wasn't around, but I was struck by this. - That's Chloe's hobby.

214. She thinks she can trace all the freak things in Smallville to the meteor shower.

215. Interesting theory.

216. Most people think it's crazy.

217. Maybe.

218. Do you remember where you were when they fell?

219. Not really.

220. - My parents hadn't adopted me yet. - I do.

221. I was right here in Smallville.

222. My mother wanted me to spend some quality time with my dad.

223. He brought me here on a business trip.

224. Just a quick hop to Smallville to finalize a deal.

225. Funny how one day can change your whole life.

226. What happened?

227. I was out in a corn field when the first meteor hit.

228. It was like a tidal wave coming at me.

229. Then everything went black.

230. Next thing I remember, I was waking up in Metropolis General completely bald.

231. Lex, I didn't know.

232. Not many people do, Clark.

233. I should have died that day. Instead, I walked away with this.

234. - I'm sorry. - Why? It's not your fault.

235. When I was younger, I thought it was a curse.

236. Kids figured I was a freak or on chemo.

237. Then I began to see it as my gift.

238. The thing that defined me, that gave me strength.

239. You ever wonder what you'd be like?

240. You know, if you hadn't come that day?

241. It doesn't matter, Clark. It happened.

242. Personally, I think my future's gonna be brighter...

243. than that spoiled rich brat that walked into that corn field.

244. Mr. Luthor.

245. It's Lex.

246. Clark was just telling me your meteor theory. I like it.

247. Thanks.

248. Especially since most people think my company's behind everything...

249. - ... that goes wrong in Smallville. - That's the reigning theory.

250. Are you the only one that blames the meteors instead of me?

251. Pretty much. Well, there is Mr. Hamilton.

252. Except most don't have high regard for a guy who sells plastic meteor chips to tourists.

253. Doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

254. Call me when you're looking for a summer job. I've got friends over at the Inquisitor.

255. I'll see you tomorrow.

256. I hear you're escorting the birthday girl. Nice work.

257. We're just going as friends.

258. Sure you are. Hope you got her a nice gift.

259. Yeah.

260. Jodi, I didn't see you in class. Are you okay?

261. Yeah, I'm fine, just stomach flu. I can't keep anything down.

262. - Maybe you should go see the nurse. - I've got it under control.

263. Are you sure you're okay?

264. I'm fine. I just need to rest up for tomorrow night.

265. Look.

266. If you don't feel up to it, I'll understand.

267. Are you kidding?

268. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

269. Hey, Jodi. I've been watching you.

270. I bet you have.

271. Hitting the gym was a good idea.

272. You should take your own advice.

273. Whoa. You all right?

274. I'm just a little hungry.

275. You like what you see?

276. Totally.

277. I'll bet you wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more, would you?

278. Follow me.

279. - Confederacy of Dunces. - First edition.

280. - Early birthday gift? - From Whitney. I couldn't believe it.

281. It's a cool gift.

282. That's the thing with Whitney. Sometimes I think he's a million miles away...

283. and then he surprises me with something like this.

284. - How are things on the party front? - I surrendered.

285. I told Nell to make the final decisions without me.

286. I cannot believe how anti-birthday you are.

287. - Haven't you ever had a happy birthday? - Once.

288. Went to a drive-in.

289. - That doesn't sound like Nell's style. - I was with my parents.

290. My dad pulled the car up to the first row so the screen filled up the entire windshield.

291. I remember feeling all grown up because I got to sit in the front seat with them.

292. They played Bugs Bunny cartoons before the movie started.

293. I was cold, so my mom wrapped me up in her sweater.

294. That sounds nice.

295. I fell asleep before the movie even started...

296. between my mom and dad.

297. It's the last time I can remember feeling completely safe.

298. That's a great memory.

299. Hey.

300. - We're fine. No one's gonna see us. - Good.

301. You don't think I ever meant that stuff I said about you when you were-?

302. Fat?

303. You thought it was funny...

304. calling me names, making me cry...

305. making me wish that I were dead rather than fat.

306. - Well, what can I say? - You can say you're sorry.

307. Help me.

308. Don't touch that.

309. You're not sterile and you're not me.

310. My apologies, Dr. Hamilton.

311. You don't have a website, do you?

312. Excuse me?

313. They're usually the ones who track me down. The freaks with websites.

314. I'm just a fan.

315. Lex Luthor.

316. The billionaire's son.

317. Mineralogists don't have fans.

318. Most mineralogists didn't handle the first Apollo moon rocks.

319. That was a lifetime ago when I was a respectable scientist.

320. You know, we may have a few things in common.

321. I was kicked out of Metropolis University too.

322. Ever since I found out about a medical condition I have...

323. I've become very interested in your work, Dr. Hamilton.

324. And you think it has something to do with the meteors.

325. Isn't that your theory? The meteors somehow alter cellular makeup?

326. That sounds to me like research worth funding.

327. Yes, well, sorry. My funding is private, and so are my results.

328. Your funding comes from tourists.

329. If you are so interested in meteors, here, take one.

330. Enjoy it. I have nothing else for sale.

331. When you change your mind, you know where to find me.

332. I called the hospital. Dustin's in a coma.

333. His body went into shock with the loss of fat. He hasn't told the police anything.

334. Time to revisit the fat-sucking vampire theory.

335. You know, if you hadn't been there, he probably would have died, Clark.

336. I can't figure out why anybody would want to steal body fat.

337. I know. It takes eating disorders to a whole new level.

338. Jodi.

339. - Hi, guys, what's up? - Study group, remember?

340. Totally slipped my mind.

341. So no more veggie shakes, huh?

342. Are you feeling okay? Pete said you felt sick yesterday.

343. Oh, that.

344. I'm fully recovered.

345. I guess it's safe to say that the diet's finally over.

346. I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything all day.

347. I'm just a little nervous about the party tonight.

348. Yeah.

349. I'll see you guys tonight.

350. - Okay, what was that about? - I don't know.

351. - I gotta fly. We'll talk about this later? - Okay.

352. - Hey, where are you going? - I'm still working on Lana's birthday gift.

353. Any hints?

354. Yeah. It's not a gift certificate.

355. What do you think?

356. - It's really... - Not you at all.

357. I heard the quarterback couldn't make it. Too bad.

358. I knew you'd be devastated.

359. Whitney's trying out for a football scholarship to Kansas State.

360. He didn't think he made the cut, but someone fell out.

361. I know.

362. Your aunt told me.

363. I like your new escort better.

364. Have fun tonight.

365. - Mom, you almost done? - Relax, Clark.

366. You're not going to be late for once.

367. By the way, did you figure out what to get Lana?

368. Yeah, Lex helped me out.

369. So, what is it?

370. I thought you were butting out of this.

371. Then you better learn how to iron.

372. - Hi, Chloe. - Hi, Mrs. Kent.

373. - You've gotta take a look at this. - Why aren't you dressed?

374. I didn't have time. You really, really need to check this out.

375. "Smallville Body and Fender. Replace windshield, replace side-panels.

376. - Cause of accident, impact with deer"? - It was Jodi's car, Clark.

377. - What do you think happened to her? - Her house is right next to a big meteor hit.

378. She lost all that weight...

379. by drinking juice from vegetables grown in her greenhouse.

380. She's losing weight too fast to keep up with regular food.

381. - And that's why she needs body fat. - Exactly.

382. We need to find her.

383. Jodi wouldn't let anything keep her from getting to that party.

384. Pete.

385. Perfect.

386. - Hi. - Hi.

387. Perfect flowers for a perfect date.

388. They're beautiful, Pete.

389. So is that dress.

390. Thanks. It was my mom's.

391. Is something wrong?

392. I'm fine. I just need to eat.

393. That doesn't sound right. Maybe we should go to the hospital.

394. You've always been good to me, Pete.

395. - Please go away now. - Jodi.

396. Go away.

397. Jodi, wait!

398. Jodi!

399. Jodi, come on!

400. Jodi.

401. Jodi?

402. Jodi, where are you?

403. Pete, please get away.

404. - It's all my fault. - Jodi?

405. I just wanted to be thin. There's only so much a person can take.

406. Pete, please go home.

407. Come on, Jodi, you don't have to hide.

408. I don't wanna hurt you.

409. Come on, Jodi, you couldn't hurt a-

410. Just tell me what's happening.

411. Please leave.

412. Jodi?

413. Pete!

414. Pete, are you okay? Pete, what's wrong?

415. Jodi!

416. - Why can't you just leave me alone? - You're sick.

417. Whatever you did to yourself, you can get help.

418. All I wanted was to be thin.

419. Jodi, this isn't you.

420. What, isn't this what I'm supposed to look like?

421. Look at me. I'm a freak.

422. I know how to stop this for good.

423. Wait!

424. Jodi?

425. Pete! Get over here, quick!

426. Clark?

427. Is she okay?

428. I think so, but we need to get her to a hospital.

429. Sneaking out, huh?

430. Isn't this your shindig?

431. - Says so on all the invitations. - Right.

432. You're not hiding, you're getting some air.

433. I spent 18 years of Luthor Christmas parties in the coatroom.

434. Still waiting for my reinforcements.

435. I know Clark, he'll be here...

436. - ... if he can. - It's just a birthday.

437. Clark, what happened? The police called.

438. - I'm fine. - How's Pete?

439. He's got a serious migraine, but other than that, he's okay.

440. Jodi's on the way to Metropolis General. Her father's gonna meet her there.

441. Clark, I'm sorry about the party.

442. I promised Lana I'd be there.

443. I can't believe I let her down.

444. Well, when you do the things you do, son, helping people...

445. sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

446. - Like Lana? - Maybe...

447. but you made your choice.

448. Where are you going?

449. I don't have to sacrifice everything.

450. Back for some more rocks?

451. Apparently, I have a clean bill of health.

452. Congratulations. I guess that means you won't be bothering me anymore.

453. I couldn't figure out why you're so resistant to accept my help...

454. then I had a friend do some digging.

455. I thought you got kicked out of Metropolis University for your meteor theories.

456. But apparently it was your student-teacher relations.

457. I wonder if the Smallville Police had you register.

458. Get out.

459. I want you to look at something.

460. I don't care about the past. I believe in the power to reinvent yourself.

461. You want to prove you've been right all along?

462. That check should cover your vindication.

463. What you're looking for could take years.

464. I'm a patient man.

465. Tell me, why does a billionaire's son care so much about a bunch of rocks...

466. that fell out of the sky 12 years ago?

467. I save that story for the people I trust.

468. Kind of missed cocktail hour.

469. I'm sorry.

470. I told you I stopped believing in happy birthdays a long time ago.

471. Well, maybe I can change that.

472. Okay, I know I blew it tonight, but at least let me give you your present.

473. When?

474. Now.

475. Pass the popcorn.

476. - Lana. - Yes?

477. Happy birthday.