1. I've never not had a boyfriend
since I was seven. That's my sister.
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2. I want to have sex with girls.
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3. Why didn't you tell me?
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4. I'm sorry, maybe my postal
application hasn't reached you yet.
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5. Take them off. This is a once-only
charity event, you understand.
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6. Karen, I told you... Hi, Effy.
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7. Please don't take him from me. What?
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8. As if you could take him from me.
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9. Where are we going?
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10. It's you and me, babe.
It's always gonna be you and me.
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11. This programme contains
violence and strong
language from the start.
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12. ♪ Beautiful,
dirty, dirty rich, rich
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13. Katie Fitch, History AS exam.
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14. Good to see you back, Katie.
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15. History at the back there.
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16. Hi, Katie, I...
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17. Hi.
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18. OK, kids, you can turn over your
papers, and no funny business.
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19. Let's get ready to rumble!
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20. (JENNA) Katie?
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21. Katie? Can I come in?
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22. How about some sun, eh?
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23. Don't.
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24. I think so.
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25. Come and do PlayStation with James.
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26. I could fix your hair.
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27. What difference would it make?
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28. Still look awful.
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29. Oh, no. Marks don't last.
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30. They cover up.
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31. I rang college today
about your history exam.
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32. Why? I told you not to!
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33. It's important!
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34. They said you can sit it later.
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35. When you're yourself.
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36. I'm rubbish at history anyway.
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37. Rubbish at everything.
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38. Not like Emily.
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39. Oh, hush!
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40. I hope they lock that Stonem girl up
when they find her.
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41. Nice job.
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42. Stop it!
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43. Don't. It took fucking ages!
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44. Yeah, well.
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45. Wish I had someone
to pass my exams for me.
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46. Yeah.
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47. I hope you're gonna finish the job
and dump Freddie for her as well.
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48. Oh, that's over. Katie knows it.
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49. Yeah.
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50. It was an eventful barbecue.
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51. Adultery makes a party go
with such a swing!
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52. It's not funny.
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53. Effy hurt her.
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54. Like I said, it was eventful.
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55. You should dress up more often.
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56. They're Katie's.
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57. Yeah? You look nice.
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58. From the neck down.
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59. Naomi...
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60. I think I'm going away
for the summer.
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61. Oh.
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62. Spain, Cyprus perhaps.
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63. By myself.
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64. Spend some time by myself,
you know? Do some thinking.
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65. By... myself.
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66. About what?
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67. Let's just be friends, OK?
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68. We say that, don't we?
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69. Yeah.
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70. Have a good summer.
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71. I'll miss you.
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72. I can't stand it. I can't.
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73. It's OK.
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74. Jesus.
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75. Christ. Let's get out of here.
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76. Katie?
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77. I... thought you were Katie.
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78. Oh, shit.
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79. Shit, shit, shit, girl.
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80. That's secret!
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81. Fuck off, worm.
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82. Dinner's ready, bitch!
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83. Excuse me?
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84. Gordon Macpherson says "bitch"
all the time. Now I say it too.
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85. You don't say it to me, OK?
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86. OK, sorry.
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87. What's in the box, James?
I know you know the combination.
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88. I don't, Emily changed it after I...
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89. After you what?
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90. Nothing.
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91. What's in the box, James?
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92. It's a secret. Oh!
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93. I'm waiting.
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94. OK, OK.
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95. Fannies! It's full of fannies!
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96. You OK?
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97. Yeah.
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98. What about your mum?
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99. This is my room.
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100. No-one's allowed in here.
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101. I wish I had a room like that.
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102. Katie and me,
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103. we're always together.
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104. Everything together.
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105. Eating, sleeping...
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106. Until we were nine we used to
take a dump at the same time.
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107. Jesus!
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108. Yeah.
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109. No secrets, there's no point.
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110. And what about this one?
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111. Naomi...
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112. I want to tell people.
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113. That you're gay?
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114. I want to tell people about us.
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115. Come to the college ball with me.
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116. Like we're...
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117. together.
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118. I don't want to do that.
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119. Why not?
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120. Em, it's nobody's business.
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121. Why? Who cares what other people...
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122. Emily.
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123. I'm not like you.
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124. I'm not sure, like you are.
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125. What aren't you sure of?
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126. Can't things ever be complicated?
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127. Fine. You like boys too?
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128. Maybe.
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129. Maybe I only like boys,
apart from you.
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130. Well, that's fucking great!
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131. You're so in touch with yourself,
aren't you?
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132. Come to the ball with me.
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133. Don't do that.
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134. No. You don't do that.
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135. I'm not your fucking experiment!
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136. Where are my fucking...?
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137. Oh, my fucking shoes!
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138. Oh, fuck it! Keep them.
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139. I'm tired.
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140. So sick and tired of it.
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141. Still holding hands through
a cat flap, aren't we?
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142. Have fun in Cyprus.
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143. Hi, Emily.
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144. Where are your shoes?
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145. They...
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146. Hello.
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147. I couldn't find them.
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148. Well, you can wear mine.
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149. No, you don't need to.
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150. It's OK.
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151. I don't mind bare feet.
It's easier to run.
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152. Here. Let me give you a jacket.
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153. No, really, Thomas...
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154. It's fine. I have three coats. See?
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155. Now, all fixed up, yes?
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156. What do you do if someone
you love lets you down?
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157. Really fucks you over?
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158. You must try to stop loving them.
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159. Is that possible?
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160. No. I don't think so.
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161. I'm gay, Thomas.
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162. It's fine.
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163. Shall we call a taxi? I don't think
this bus is going to come soon.
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164. Besides, my feet are extremely cold.
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165. It's pathetic.
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166. This guy can hardly do ten reps
on a bench press
without retching like a baby.
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167. Eventually I had to say to him,
"Ken, if you puke one more time
in my gym,
Copy !req
168. "it won't be your heart
you'll have to worry about
cos I'll kill you meself!"
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169. That's great, Rob.
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170. I'm sure he'll appreciate it...
eventually.
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171. Too right. No pain, no drain,
no gain, yeah? Yeah?
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172. I'm sure that's right.
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173. You don't get your gluts and your
pecs taut without reps, reps, reps.
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174. I'm always saying that.
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175. Yes, you are.
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176. Wow. Great soup. What is it?
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177. Artichoke and beetroot.
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178. Babe, you're the best.
You feed us like champions.
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179. It won't make you fit,
it'll make you what, Katiekins?
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180. Fitch.
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181. Yes! Don't get fit, get Fitch,
right?
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182. I want fish and chips.
This tastes like bollocky wankshite.
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183. James!
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184. What? They say bollocky wankshite
all the time
at Gordon Macpherson's house.
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185. Mrs Macpherson says as long
as swearing is used in context,
it's fucking A.
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186. Rob!
That's ten reps on the naughty bar.
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187. Why, why, why?
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188. We're not Macpherson, we're Fitch.
Do it. Go!
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189. Go, go!
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190. It's just not fair.
And proper extension, boy.
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191. One.
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192. Two.
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193. Three.
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194. Come on, kid. Put some burn into it!
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195. Four.
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196. Five...
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197. Emily, is that you, darling?
Six.
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198. Dinner's getting cold.
Copy !req
199. Get up, kid. You can do
the last four reps before bed.
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200. You smell.
Shut up.
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201. What have you been doing?
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202. Nothing.
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203. You look like you've been fighting.
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204. Well, I haven't.
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205. Look, leave me alone.
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206. OK.
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207. Is it a boy that's upset you?
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208. Look, Mum, I don't think
she wants to talk about it.
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209. Well, I do.
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210. Cos if it's been a boy
that's been...
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211. You look like you've been
roughed up, so tell me.
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212. It wasn't a boy.
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213. Yeah, see? So...
It was a girl.
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214. You've been fighting with a girl?
That's not very ladylike.
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215. No, Dad.
I've been making love to a girl.
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216. OK?
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217. Everybody satisfied?
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218. You're such a liar.
Don't listen to her.
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219. Her name's Naomi.
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220. She's rather beautiful.
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221. So I was nailing her.
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222. Sorry?
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223. OK, OK, I get it.
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224. Nice one. Had me going there!
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225. I've got to mind my own business.
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226. Funny, very nice.
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227. Very nice!
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228. You've got to give it to her!
Convincing!
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229. Dad. I'm trying to tell you...
Shut up!
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230. I've got Mambo Badminton at nine.
High calorie burn.
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231. I love those moves.
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232. "Nailing her..."
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233. You're funny!
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234. Gordon Macpherson says
you call them dykes,
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235. because you have to
stick your finger in them.
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236. You ruined my fucking top.
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237. I sat your exam for you.
You could've at least backed me up.
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238. I did back you up! I just spent an
hour downstairs trying to convince
Mum that you made it all up.
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239. That's fucking great.
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240. Because you have!
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241. What?
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242. You've just conjured up
this thing with Naomi because...
Copy !req
243. I don't know,
maybe you're jealous of me.
Copy !req
244. Jealous?
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245. Yes, jealous,
because I get more boys than you,
Copy !req
246. I look better in clothes than you
and I'm more popular than you.
Copy !req
247. Fuck off.
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248. Yeah, I think so.
You can't stand it, it's sad.
Copy !req
249. So are you gonna stop now
before you hurt everybody?
Copy !req
250. Fuck off.
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251. You're not gay. You're just stupid.
Copy !req
252. Right, I'm stupid. I'm stupid
because I don't let anyone fuck me
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253. when they're in love
with somebody else?
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254. What?
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255. You let Freddie use you
and look where it's got you.
Copy !req
256. That's a normal relationship,
isn't it(?)
She fucked you up good, didn't she?
Copy !req
257. Nobody hits me over the head
with a rock. Loser.
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258. Katie.
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259. Look at me!
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260. I'm still Emily.
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261. KATIE SOBS
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262. Oh!
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263. Sorry.
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264. That's OK. I'm always in a rush.
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265. I'm sorry, I don't think we've...
Naomi, I'm a friend of Emily's.
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266. Come in.
Oh, I thought you were in...
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267. No, really, it's fine.
They're all still in bed.
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268. Come in.
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269. I should go.
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270. Please.
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271. Sit down. Please.
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272. I just...
Emily's impressionable.
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273. What?
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274. She's the younger twin.
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275. Right.
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276. And that means that somehow
she's always in her sister's shadow.
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277. I don't know why that is, but it is.
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278. Katie's always in charge.
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279. And I think Emily wants to,
I don't know,
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280. do something to feel that she's...
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281. I don't know what
we're talking about here.
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282. Yes, you do.
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283. So I want you to stop
putting ideas into her head, OK?
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284. She's not gay.
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285. I'm not gay.
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286. Right, so there's nothing
to worry about then, is there?
Copy !req
287. Because they're the apple
of their dad's eye.
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288. He loves them, like,
fierce, you know?
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289. Just the way they are.
Normal, happy twins,
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290. and they're more alike
than you'll ever know.
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291. Are you sure of that?
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292. I want you to disappear now, Naomi.
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293. Don't screw her up, OK?
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294. Goodbye, Naomi.
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295. Huh?
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296. Why are you talking Twin?
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297. We don't do that any more.
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298. Are you getting dressed?
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299. Are you going out?
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300. Yep. I'm sick of this fucking house.
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301. I'm sick of being sick.
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302. Where are you going?
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303. We're going shopping.
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304. For what?
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305. For Love Ball dresses.
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306. We don't have dates.
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307. So we'll go together.
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308. I don't want to.
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309. We're going together!
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310. Please, I need you, OK?
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311. I want my packed lunch.
Shit.
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312. Whoa! You're naked, bitch.
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313. Agh!
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314. Sorry!
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315. Agh! Mum! Mum!
THUD!
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316. Oh.
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317. Hi.
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318. Hi, Panda.
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319. How you feeling?
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320. Yeah, I'm better.
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321. You're feeling better? That's great.
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322. Have you heard from Effy?
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323. I'm sure she didn't mean...
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324. Oh, I think she meant it, don't you?
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325. I'm sorry.
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326. It's not your fault, Panda.
What are you doing?
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327. I bought this dress for the Love
Ball in case Thomas forgave me.
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328. Anyway, I'm taking it back.
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329. We haven't got anyone to go with
but we're still going. Right, Ems?
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330. Yeah, I suppose.
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331. So keep your dress and we'll go
together, OK? Just the girls, right?
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332. You mean, like, go girls?
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333. Yeah, go girls. Right. You got it.
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334. OK, go girls. Whizzer.
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335. See you, Panda.
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336. I'm never doing surf and turf
with boys ever again.
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337. It just fucks everything up,
don't it?
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338. Let's shop.
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339. ♪ Yeah
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340. Shit.
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341. Shit.
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342. What the fuck is he doing here?
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343. Do you want to go?
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344. Yeah... No... I don't know.
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345. Come on, let's go.
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346. Christ, is he coming over?
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347. No, he's not that stupid.
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348. Oh, fuck.
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349. Fuck.
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350. Hi, Katie.
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351. What do you want?
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352. Nothing, I just wanted to see
how you are.
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353. Oh! Now you want to see how I am.
Copy !req
354. Thanks, that's well compassionate.
Copy !req
355. Cheers.
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356. Hi, Emily.
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357. Hi.
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358. I didn't know what to say.
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359. I fucked up.
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360. No, Freddie. You fucked Effy when
you were meant to be fucking me.
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361. Oh, yeah, after she hit me
with a rock!
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362. Right.
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363. Yeah.
Copy !req
364. I'm trying on dresses.
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365. So, mum bought me my first
man suit for the Love Ball.
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366. 65% polyester, 35% viscose.
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367. It is a bit crackly and I don't like
the way the cat rubs against me...
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368. JJ, shut up.
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369. I needed a tie... And I'm winding up.
Freddie brought me here and...
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370. I've stopped. I've stopped,
but still uncomfortable.
Copy !req
371. Do I really have to tell you
what to do now?
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372. You didn't tell anyone about me
and you, did you, JJ?
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373. No, no. Of course not.
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374. Because that's a secret.
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375. Yep. Schtum.
Copy !req
376. Need-to-know basis. Zipped it.
Total, total secret.
Copy !req
377. I told Freddie.
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378. JJ!
Copy !req
379. No, no, no, no.
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380. It's fine, it's fine, he doesn't even
mind that you're gay either.
Copy !req
381. Come on. Let's get you
a fucking tie.
Copy !req
382. Can't you see
I just want to make things right?
Copy !req
383. You can't.
Copy !req
384. Look at the state of me.
Copy !req
385. What can I do?
Copy !req
386. You humiliated me.
Copy !req
387. Effy doesn't even want you.
Copy !req
388. No.
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389. No, cos otherwise she'd be here
and not with Cook.
Copy !req
390. There's nothing I can do to make you
want me more than her, is there?
Copy !req
391. Katie, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
392. But you fucking owe me, Freddie.
You owe me!
Copy !req
393. OK.
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394. You'll take me to that ball
Copy !req
395. and everyone will see you
looking like you like it.
Copy !req
396. Right, but I told JJ I'd go
with him. He's a bit shy.
Copy !req
397. He's taking Emily.
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398. Oh, he'd like that.
Copy !req
399. I don't care if he'd like that.
He's doing it.
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400. OK.
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401. I suppose after they had
their thing...
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402. He was very animated, you know.
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403. Sorry?
Copy !req
404. You know, when they got it on.
Copy !req
405. I told him he was
a lucky, lucky boy.
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406. Right.
Copy !req
407. Yeah, she said he was cute.
Copy !req
408. Cute? He was fucking ecstatic.
Copy !req
409. But that's a secret, yeah?
Copy !req
410. Yeah, yeah, well,
she tells me everything.
Copy !req
411. I figured.
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412. I told you there was a guy in here.
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413. Excuse me, I'm changing!
Copy !req
414. You've got to come with me.
Copy !req
415. That's disgusting.
They probably pinched stuff.
Copy !req
416. Yeah, I've gotta frisk you.
Copy !req
417. Go frisk yourself.
Copy !req
418. I've got a situation here, Samantha.
Copy !req
419. Get names, Trevor.
Copy !req
420. How did something like that
just happen?
Copy !req
421. He wanted a rumble and so did I.
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422. That's not a rumble.
Copy !req
423. That's insanity spelled G-E-E-K!
Copy !req
424. You're such a secretive little cow.
Copy !req
425. What the fuck?
Can't I sleep with someone now?
Copy !req
426. That's not someone, he's a mong.
Copy !req
427. Right, well, I feel like having sex
with him. I don't have to ask you.
Copy !req
428. Yes, you do!
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429. What?
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430. You have to ask me.
Copy !req
431. Not gay, stupid!
Copy !req
432. Emily...
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433. Please don't be horrible to Katie.
Copy !req
434. She's a bitch, Mum.
Copy !req
435. She's been hurt.
You've got to remember that.
Copy !req
436. Please, Em.
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437. No-one's hurt you like that.
Copy !req
438. OK.
Copy !req
439. Excuse me! Where are you going?
Copy !req
440. DIALLING TONE
Copy !req
441. "What?"
Copy !req
442. Please, Emily.
Copy !req
443. I have to speak to you.
Copy !req
444. "What for?"
Copy !req
445. Don't hang up.
Copy !req
446. Fine, you can meet me for coffee.
Copy !req
447. Emily.
Copy !req
448. You gonna sit down?
Copy !req
449. Was that you on the phone?
Copy !req
450. She shouldn't leave it lying around.
Copy !req
451. So?
Copy !req
452. Leave her alone, she's mine.
Copy !req
453. She can't help what she is, Katie.
Copy !req
454. Neither can I.
Copy !req
455. Yeah? Seemed like she could help it
when she was fucking JJ.
Copy !req
456. What?
Copy !req
457. Apparently he's quite keen,
actually.
Copy !req
458. After she saw to him
good and proper.
Copy !req
459. It's not true.
Copy !req
460. You hurt her,
Copy !req
461. and now she doesn't want you.
Copy !req
462. Why are you so horrible?
Copy !req
463. Because I love her
more than you ever can.
Copy !req
464. Now if you'll excuse me,
I've got dresses to buy for a ball.
Copy !req
465. You won't be there,
because if you are...
Copy !req
466. JJ, hi.
Copy !req
467. Hello, Jonah.
Copy !req
468. Pleased to meet you.
Copy !req
469. Yo, Fitch family.
Copy !req
470. What are you stressing about?
It's tradition.
Copy !req
471. Parents just want to know their
little girls are in safe hands.
Copy !req
472. They'll know just where
these hands have been.
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473. JJ, they're not gonna know
you had sex with Emily.
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474. My mum knew straightaway.
It was written all over my face.
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475. Mr Fitch. Freddie, JJ.
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476. Ah! The young men have arrived.
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477. They're getting ready.
You know how girls are.
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478. They're not still virgins tomorrow,
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479. I'll hunt you down like dogs.
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480. Come on, they're here.
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481. I don't want to.
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482. I said Katie schum, OK?
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483. I was surprised, that's all.
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484. Did she ring you again?
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485. No.
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486. No. She cos she doesn't want
to go with you and I do.
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487. So just put the dress on
and let's go out.
Copy !req
488. Don't touch that.
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489. I know what's in here, Ems.
Copy !req
490. Please. Give it back.
Copy !req
491. It's a box of fannies,
is it making you happy?
Copy !req
492. No.
Copy !req
493. So put it away.
Copy !req
494. Please can we go to the ball now?
Copy !req
495. They're taking a long time.
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496. Yeah.
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497. It's a chance to get to know you,
isn't that nice?
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498. So, tell me JJ,
do you know Emily well?
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499. Um, pretty well.
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500. She hasn't mentioned you.
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501. Well, a bit of a secret, you know.
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502. Really?
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503. JJ's a bit shy.
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504. I can see that.
It's written all over your face.
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505. No, it's not.
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506. J...
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507. I didn't... Well, I did...
Pyjamas and she made me do it.
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508. Huh?
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509. Yes, but it was all totally safe,
so don't worry.
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510. Right. Right.
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511. Hey. We're ready.
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512. (BOTH) Wow!
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513. Welcome to the Love Ball.
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514. Nice suit.
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515. Have a good time.
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516. Pandora! Step this way.
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517. I must say, Pandora,
you are a vision.
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518. Thanks, Doug!
Copy !req
519. Where is your beau?
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520. Here, silly.
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521. No, your... beau, your boyfriend.
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522. Your escort.
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523. No, I tried escorting,
I didn't like it.
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524. So I'm getting myself to a nunnery.
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525. You know, no boys, no way, no how.
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526. They're idiots. I've had it.
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527. They're idiots. I've had it.
Oh, dear.
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528. In that case, would you allow me
the honour of a dance?
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529. Let's get this party started,
shall we?
Copy !req
530. Great. Cos I'm a wicked dancer.
Copy !req
531. You're in the hands of a master.
Copy !req
532. Oh, Jesus, what is this stuff?
Copy !req
533. It's Dad's potato moonshine.
Copy !req
534. He went on a "distil anything"
course.
Copy !req
535. Use it for weedkiller, mainly.
Copy !req
536. What's it like?
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537. Urgh! Shit, ugh! Fuck!
Copy !req
538. Katie, this is too weird.
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539. This just...
This feels a bit weird, you know?
Copy !req
540. I know.
We have to do it, though, right?
Copy !req
541. We're just on a date.
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542. We're just on a date. No... shagging.
Copy !req
543. No? I'd quite like to, you know?
If... she'd let me.
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544. Just as long as I don't have to
shag him.
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545. No-one's shagging,
we're just gonna...
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546. Chill out. That's it, OK?
Copy !req
547. OK.
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548. Give me that.
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549. Hang on, JJ, no, you don't...
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550. drink.
Copy !req
551. Right. Let's do this.
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552. Go, girls. All right?
Copy !req
553. Ladies.
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554. Welcome to the Love Ball.
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555. Yes, love is all around, hopefully.
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556. And...
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557. Oh, how sweet.
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558. Out on a foursome.
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559. Look at you, JJ. Suave!
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560. Well, it should be fun.
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561. Emily's great in the sack,
isn't she, JJ?
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562. Um... yes...
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563. I mean... Wait, I mean...
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564. But...
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565. Oh, bobbins.
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566. Naomi, I wanted to tell you...
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567. Yeah? >
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568. But you didn't, did you, hon?
Copy !req
569. So, if you'll excuse me...
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570. Christ!
Copy !req
571. Right.
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572. Definitely not shagging tonight,
then.
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573. No, JJ.
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574. Come on.
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575. They're girls.
They always kiss and make up.
Copy !req
576. Fuck off!
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577. You're just a mad fucking cow,
aren't you, Katie?
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578. You're so fucking right.
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579. That's for fucking her up.
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580. But that wasn't me.
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581. But that wasn't me.
She's my sister! You're just a slut.
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582. Takes one to know one, doesn't it?
Copy !req
583. Takes one to know one, doesn't it?
Oh, go fuck yourself, Naomi!
Copy !req
584. Didn't need to blab about JJ!
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585. You just loved doing it,
didn't you, Katiekins?
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586. She deserved it.
Copy !req
587. What did I deserve, Katie? >
Copy !req
588. Emily...
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589. No... it wasn't like that!
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590. Emily!
Emily, please don't walk away.
Copy !req
591. You fucking cow!
Copy !req
592. Get off!
Copy !req
593. Get off me!
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594. Excuse me. Mavis. Do me a favour. >
Copy !req
595. What?
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596. Bugger off, would you,
there's a good girl. >
Copy !req
597. Harriet, are you all right?
Copy !req
598. No, Doug. There's a couple of
things I need to go over with you.
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599. Oh?
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600. I just want to say...
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601. I just want to say...
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602. Girls, girls!
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603. Girls, girls!
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604. Get off!
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605. Katie...
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606. I can't stand this.
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607. I'm a person.
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608. I'm not you.
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609. I know.
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610. You have to understand, Katie.
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611. I love you.
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612. And I'll never really leave you.
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613. But I can't fix this.
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614. I like girls.
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615. No...
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616. I like a girl.
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617. No.
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618. I love her.
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619. OK?
Copy !req
620. I love...
Copy !req
621. .. her.
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622. OK?
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623. OK.
Copy !req
624. Pandora. >
Copy !req
625. Please. Can we start again?
Copy !req
626. I promise. I promise I...
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627. Hello.
Copy !req
628. I'm Thomas.
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629. So glad to meet you.
Copy !req
630. Some party.
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631. Eventful.
Copy !req
632. Yeah.
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633. I love you too.
Copy !req
634. I know.
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