1. This programme contains very strong
language and scenes of a sexual
nature.Copy !req
2. Get to fuck!Copy !req
3. She didn't kiss me, OK?Copy !req
4. Yes, she did,
she practically jumped on you.Copy !req
5. I kissed her.Copy !req
6. So, can I just say again?Copy !req
7. Me, not muff muncher.
Me, cock cruncher.Copy !req
8. Do you want me to show you?Copy !req
9. What do I want? Surfing and turfing.Copy !req
10. When do I want it? Now.Copy !req
11. Panda!Copy !req
12. Effy, I've come to tell you...Copy !req
13. Freddie...Copy !req
14. Now you know.Copy !req
15. 'Me, you and JJ.Copy !req
16. 'Best mates for life.'Copy !req
17. Jesus Christ.
What the fuck?Copy !req
18. Huh?Copy !req
19. Jesus Christ! Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
20. I'm a friend of your Mum's...Copy !req
21. I had nowhere to kip.
Sweetheart, isn't she?Copy !req
22. Even if she doesn't believe
I'm the actual messiah.Copy !req
23. Even if she doesn't believe
I'm the actual messiah.
Mum...! Mum!Copy !req
24. Who the hell does she think she is?Copy !req
25. This is bloody ridiculous,
does nobody understand privacy?Copy !req
26. I'm naked.Copy !req
27. I sleep naked.Copy !req
28. Nothing I haven't seen before.
You look like your mum, actually.Copy !req
29. You've even got the
same haircut she has.Copy !req
30. Mum!Copy !req
31. I can see why you
find it offensive...Copy !req
32. It's not just the shape,
it's the skin...Copy !req
33. It's a very aggressive texture.
Positively patriarchal.Copy !req
34. Yes.Copy !req
35. Definitely patriarchal.Copy !req
36. Mum.Copy !req
37. Has anyone ever told you what
a complete fucking cow you are?Copy !req
38. Plenty of people.
Look at this would you, love?Copy !req
39. We're thinking of banning it...Copy !req
40. There's a man.
In my room. In my bed, Mum!Copy !req
41. He had nowhere else to go. It's
called communal living, sweetie...Copy !req
42. God! You're so... irritating!Copy !req
43. Kids...Copy !req
44. Immature...Copy !req
45. Hey!Copy !req
46. I'm late.Copy !req
47. Am I late?Copy !req
48. Course not...Copy !req
49. Besides, this is hardly an
appointment is it?Copy !req
50. Kept behind by Cruella De Ville.Copy !req
51. And what did the
college director want?Copy !req
52. To send me on a motivation course...Copy !req
53. The Feeling, Healing
Teaching Programme.Copy !req
54. Fuck's sake!Copy !req
55. And guess what?
I fucking hate teaching!Copy !req
56. So... how's your Mum?Copy !req
57. Still saving the world
one lentil at a time?Copy !req
58. Well, you know... Sometimes
she's up. Sometimes she's down.Copy !req
59. Sometime's she's only half-way up,
which is neither up nor down.Copy !req
60. And the Mother Nature
thing is getting tired.Copy !req
61. I've got 15 people living in
my house, and none are paying rent!Copy !req
62. Still, can't be all bad.Copy !req
63. Made you, didn't she?Copy !req
64. Though apparently Fred West's
daughter's a charm.Copy !req
65. Hope for us all, eh?Copy !req
66. Right so, that's me.
See you in assembly...Copy !req
67. Our glorious leader
has summoned us all.Copy !req
68. You're gonna like this...Copy !req
69. Like what?Copy !req
70. You'll find out...
Just be there, missy.Copy !req
71. What's going on there?Copy !req
72. Nothing. Shut up!Copy !req
73. Then you've got the
shaft of your penis...Copy !req
74. Naomi. Hey!Copy !req
75. In ancient times before the now.
There was an almighty blazing row.Copy !req
76. Between two kingdoms tall and proud.
How to decide this without blood?Copy !req
77. Right, settle down everyone...Copy !req
78. Thank you, Doug,
fascinating introduction.Copy !req
79. No... But I'm not finished!Copy !req
80. Yes, you are!Copy !req
81. Let's put it to a vote!Copy !req
82. Bit of theatre, you know... Impact.Copy !req
83. OK, it's simple.Copy !req
84. We want a Student President.Copy !req
85. This will be a...Copy !req
86. democratically empowered position,
for a talented individual,Copy !req
87. to proactively seek excellence in
matters of student representation.Copy !req
88. And you, my little
education consumers,Copy !req
89. will choose this president by vote.Copy !req
90. The election is next
week so if you wish to stand,Copy !req
91. please see Doug after assembly.Copy !req
92. Can I just...Copy !req
93. I've got a whole rhyme worked
out for that bit...Copy !req
94. No. Please. No.Copy !req
95. I just thought you'd like it,
it's a clever pun on Doug,Copy !req
96. digging, and I'm awfully
nasty about the Welsh...Copy !req
97. You've got to be joking. I'm
not going to help run this place.Copy !req
98. I don't get it, why not?Copy !req
99. You really care about this stuff.Copy !req
100. What stuff?Copy !req
101. Equality, environmentalism,Copy !req
102. feminism, I don't ever
want to shut my mouth-ism...Copy !req
103. Great. You're making me sound great.Copy !req
104. Come on.Copy !req
105. Come on, you know about politics,
you're always talking about it.Copy !req
106. Emily.Copy !req
107. We've had about three conversations
our entire lives.Copy !req
108. So the idea that you know I'm always
talking about anything is ridiculous.Copy !req
109. OK.Copy !req
110. Morning ladies.
Ah, love is all around.Copy !req
111. Piss off.Copy !req
112. Naomikins, I've been thinking.Copy !req
113. You should see more cock.Copy !req
114. Pardon?Copy !req
115. Yeah... Me and you. We should go
to it. Know what I'm saying?Copy !req
116. Excuse me?Copy !req
117. Go to it?Copy !req
118. Yeah. Definitely.Copy !req
119. You've got about as much
chance of fucking meCopy !req
120. as becoming the elected
Student President of this dump.Copy !req
121. Yeah? Well, I enjoy a challenge.Copy !req
122. Yeah.Copy !req
123. Babe... You have got a deal.Copy !req
124. What? No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
125. I didn't mean it like that.
I'm not going to...Copy !req
126. Guaranteed a shag. >Copy !req
127. What? Oh, fuck...Copy !req
128. Name? Crispin.Copy !req
129. Second name?Copy !req
130. No. That's it, sir. Just Crispin.Copy !req
131. Like Prince, Madonna, Cher, Lemar...
Only Crispin.Copy !req
132. And, uh, what are
your policies, Crispin?Copy !req
133. A tightening of college
selection procedure.Copy !req
134. They let some awful shit in.Copy !req
135. Like him, for instance.Copy !req
136. All right, Doug? Is this where you
register to be president, yeah? >Copy !req
137. You? President?Copy !req
138. Yeah, man. Problem?Copy !req
139. Um... No, no...Copy !req
140. Fantastic, a two-horse race! Yes!Copy !req
141. Let the best man win.Copy !req
142. Oggy oggy oggy!Copy !req
143. OK.Copy !req
144. So, just fill the form in.Copy !req
145. Oh!Copy !req
146. Girls. Stupid.Copy !req
147. You're all so stupid.Copy !req
148. I can see your knickers.Copy !req
149. You? President?Copy !req
150. Why do people keep saying that?Copy !req
151. Me, president. You, my slave.Copy !req
152. Why you fighting it, Naomi?Copy !req
153. You want it. I want it. Let's
get together and feel all right.Copy !req
154. You couldn't make me feel all right
if you stapled your tongue to my clitCopy !req
155. and stood on a cement mixer.Copy !req
156. Too pussy to take a chance,
little girl.Copy !req
157. See you next time.Copy !req
158. I... I was going to ask you
if you wanted a lift.Copy !req
159. What?Copy !req
160. You know, save your legs.
Your wheels.Copy !req
161. Only if you...Copy !req
162. You can give me a lift.Copy !req
163. Great.Copy !req
164. Hang on.Copy !req
165. Mind the spring.Copy !req
166. Where?Copy !req
167. Oh!Copy !req
168. CAR ENGINE WHIRSCopy !req
169. This is some automobile
you've got here.Copy !req
170. Oh, yes! Would you believe
it only cost me 2.50?Copy !req
171. And three tokens from
the top of Weetabix packets.Copy !req
172. Yeah, I really would believe that.Copy !req
173. WHIRRING CONTINUESCopy !req
174. (GRUNTS) Come on, come on,
come on...Copy !req
175. WHIRRING STOPSCopy !req
176. Naomi...Copy !req
177. Can you give me a lift on your bike?Copy !req
178. It's all part of her grand
love note to Ofsted.Copy !req
179. It looks good to have
a student president.Copy !req
180. Will that person have power?Copy !req
181. Will they bollocks.Copy !req
182. I ran for office once... >Copy !req
183. Yeah?Copy !req
184. Oh, yes. You're looking at
the Workers Unite candidate,Copy !req
185. Bristol City Council,
Redland Ward, 1998.Copy !req
186. I bet that went well for you.Copy !req
187. I got six votes, and
I knew three of them personally. >Copy !req
188. But then, buoyed up by my success,
I decided to dedicate my lifeCopy !req
189. to shaping the young minds
of tomorrow.Copy !req
190. Only to discover
they don't have minds,Copy !req
191. only mild jangling things
between their ears.Copy !req
192. Mild jangly things that are colour-
co-ordinated to go with their shoes!Copy !req
193. I think you should stand.Copy !req
194. What? Why?Copy !req
195. Come on. You're the best,
we both know it.Copy !req
196. Is that a compliment?
Are you complimenting me?Copy !req
197. Oh, I've got
a few compliments in me.Copy !req
198. Listen, is it my drug problem, or
is someone waving at that window?Copy !req
199. Oh, God. It's my mum. Don't look. >Copy !req
200. Shit. She's so embarrassing!Copy !req
201. I want to meet
this mythical creature.Copy !req
202. No!Copy !req
203. Bye.Copy !req
204. Right.Copy !req
205. Thanks.Copy !req
206. You want to do
something about this.Copy !req
207. in the oven!Copy !req
208. it's your job to clean it.Copy !req
209. How many feminists does it take
to change a light bulb?Copy !req
210. One. Me. Because I'm oppressed,
yeah? You're oppressing me.Copy !req
211. The Messiah does not oppress,
OK? He enlightens.Copy !req
212. Yeah? I'll fucking enlighten you,
you patriarchal prick!Copy !req
213. Jesus does not do fungus. >Copy !req
214. Oh, really, does he not do fungus?
Yeah, yeah... (!) >Copy !req
215. Hey. I was waving!
You were with a man!Copy !req
216. What is this? Surveillance culture?Copy !req
217. I was just saying. He looked nice.Copy !req
218. He's my politics teacher, all right?Copy !req
219. OK, just saying.Copy !req
220. Nice to see you with a guy.
Makes a change.Copy !req
221. Anyway, do you want to
come and help me feed...?Copy !req
222. You don't even know who you're
feeding? This is our house, Mum!Copy !req
223. Yeah, of course it is.Copy !req
224. I think someone stole
the telly from your room.Copy !req
225. Who are you? Who is this?Copy !req
226. Jesus, is there never any peace?Copy !req
227. How did you get in here?Copy !req
228. This weird guy let me in.
Looks a bit like Jesus?Copy !req
229. It's like a game of Christ-themed
Guess Who in this house.Copy !req
230. What do you want?Copy !req
231. Wanted to give you this.Copy !req
232. You're very annoying. Well.Copy !req
233. You seem to inspire it in me.Copy !req
234. Jinx.Copy !req
235. You're going to run? Great.
I'll help with the form.Copy !req
236. No, Emily, I don't need any help.Copy !req
237. Right. OK. Well, see you.Copy !req
238. Just so you know,Copy !req
239. my first thought when I see you
is not, "I want to fuck that girl."Copy !req
240. No. I, uh...Copy !req
241. No. I, uh...
We've kissed. Twice. It was nice.Copy !req
242. But it's also nice
just being with you,Copy !req
243. when you're not being a prick,
that is.Copy !req
244. Thanks.Copy !req
245. You should run for President
because I think you'd be good at it.Copy !req
246. It's that simple, OK?Copy !req
247. OK. Then you should... stay.Copy !req
248. Thanks. I will.Copy !req
249. 'I can just see it now...
in lights.'Copy !req
250. "Naomi - Get to know me"!Copy !req
251. I thought it was quite catchy.Copy !req
252. Yeah, well, so's AIDS.Copy !req
253. Do you think I can do it?Copy !req
254. I think you can do anything.Copy !req
255. Really?Copy !req
256. I've been wondering...Copy !req
257. Yeah?Copy !req
258. What do lesbians... do?Copy !req
259. (GIGGLES) I mean, in bed.Copy !req
260. I know what you mean!Copy !req
261. But why would I know?Copy !req
262. You've never...?Copy !req
263. No, I've never!Copy !req
264. I mean...Copy !req
265. Is it all brogues
and strap-ons, or...?Copy !req
266. No! I don't know.Copy !req
267. They just do what we do
to ourselves. Only to each other.Copy !req
268. Probably slightly more aggressively.Copy !req
269. And with, you know,Copy !req
270. oils and stuff.Copy !req
271. Oils, eh?Copy !req
272. Yeah. And stuff.Copy !req
273. Oilssss.Copy !req
274. Yeah. Lots of it. Oils.Copy !req
275. Where do you put it? Oils?Copy !req
276. On salad.Copy !req
277. Fuck's sake.Copy !req
278. What are you doing?Copy !req
279. (THROUGH MEGAPHONE) I am Cook!
Vote for me! Vote for
non-stop partying! >Copy !req
280. Oh, God.Copy !req
281. Cook! Cook! Cook...Copy !req
282. Who's up there with him?Copy !req
283. JJ.Copy !req
284. Think I lost him.Copy !req
285. What, JJ?Copy !req
286. Yeah, him too.Copy !req
287. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!Copy !req
288. Is this about Effy?Copy !req
289. That obvious, is it?Copy !req
290. So tell her.Copy !req
291. I did.Copy !req
292. It should make a difference when
someone loves you. Shouldn't it?Copy !req
293. (COOK) We love to party! >Copy !req
294. We love to party! >Copy !req
295. Yeah! >Copy !req
296. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!Copy !req
297. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!Copy !req
298. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
299. You left pretty early.Copy !req
300. I had, um, things to do, you know?Copy !req
301. Well, I met your mum.Copy !req
302. She's nice.Copy !req
303. She's a cliche.Copy !req
304. She's a nice cliche. >Copy !req
305. She's a nice cliche. >
Is she?Copy !req
306. Emily, look.Copy !req
307. I forgot to tell you.
I made these in anticipation.Copy !req
308. Cool, huh?Copy !req
309. I got the message, Naomi.Copy !req
310. I'll manage.Copy !req
311. But there is one thing, though.Copy !req
312. Well, you can't let him win,
now, can you?Copy !req
313. Cook before education! >Copy !req
314. Sex before exams!Copy !req
315. 'I'm asking for one-to-one tuition
to achieve your goals,Copy !req
316. 'work experience and...'Copy !req
317. (RAPS) My name is Crispin,
that's my nameCopy !req
318. I don't like chavs, that's my gameCopy !req
319. If you vote for meCopy !req
320. Like a princess and a pea
I'll free you from their menace.Copy !req
321. Ah, yeah!Copy !req
322. A wigada-wigada-whack
West Morningside!Copy !req
323. Next up, Naomi.Copy !req
324. What this college needs is
somebody who'll understand... >Copy !req
325. Council has to mean something...Copy !req
326. Give a look to the man Cook!Copy !req
327. (CROWD) Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!Copy !req
328. BOOINGCopy !req
329. Excuse me. Everyone.Copy !req
330. Can I just...?Copy !req
331. Can you listen, please?Copy !req
332. ROOM FALLS SILENTCopy !req
333. If you vote for me,
I'll make sureCopy !req
334. each and every one
of your voices is heard.Copy !req
335. I'll make it my business to get
to know each...Copy !req
336. I'll make it my business to get
to know each...
Apples!Copy !req
337. Apples and pears.
Get your apples. Apples and pears.Copy !req
338. Apples and pears. Apples!Copy !req
339. See, this is what
you've got to decide.Copy !req
340. Do you want a comedy president...?Copy !req
341. Banana!Copy !req
342. You're such a fucking joke!Copy !req
343. I'm a joke?
You're fucking hilarious!Copy !req
344. At least I care about something.Copy !req
345. At least I care about something.
What's so good about caring?
No-one here cares.Copy !req
346. We just wanna par-ty!Copy !req
347. We just wanna par-ty!Copy !req
348. Cook. Any chance you could be
a cunt over there, d'you think?Copy !req
349. (CROWD) Oooh!Copy !req
350. Emily.Copy !req
351. Ah! That's nice. Getting your
girlfriend to hold your hand.Copy !req
352. Ah! That's nice. Getting your
girlfriend to hold your hand.Copy !req
353. Bit of moral support, yeah?
Sweet, innit?Copy !req
354. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
355. Sweet. Hey, Naomi.Copy !req
356. If I'm a joke, at least
people can have a laugh...Copy !req
357. Caring's over-rated.
Do you want to know my slogan?Copy !req
358. I'm Cook. Vote for me.
I don't give a fuck either.Copy !req
359. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook!Copy !req
360. Naomi. Naomi.Copy !req
361. Naomi, wait, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...Copy !req
362. Just leave me alone!Copy !req
363. (SOBS) I hate him!Copy !req
364. He just... He just...Copy !req
365. Ah, he's a ball bag, right?Copy !req
366. I was such a dick. Such a dick.Copy !req
367. Oh, what's a bit of
public humiliation?Copy !req
368. I'm a teacher, I'm used to it.Copy !req
369. Yeah.Copy !req
370. People fuck you up every day.Copy !req
371. Yep. Every day. After a while
you get to kind of like it.Copy !req
372. No, I'm serious.Copy !req
373. There.Copy !req
374. You look so much prettier
when you smile.Copy !req
375. I don't get it.Copy !req
376. Why are you so nice and
all other men are such wankers?Copy !req
377. Oh... Now you've got me.Copy !req
378. What? What?Copy !req
379. But you're... Ugh, you're
old enough to be my dad!Copy !req
380. Maths was never
my strong suit, but I think,Copy !req
381. you know, not quite!Copy !req
382. Fuck! You... Fuck!Copy !req
383. I thought you liked me!Copy !req
384. I do. And I do.Copy !req
385. What did you just do?Copy !req
386. You wanted me to kiss you.Copy !req
387. But I just...Copy !req
388. I wanted to trust you.Copy !req
389. No, you can...Copy !req
390. ..trust me.Copy !req
391. Fuck off!Copy !req
392. DISTANT VACUUMINGCopy !req
393. DISTANT ARGUINGCopy !req
394. ARGUING CONTINUESCopy !req
395. Can we go somewhere?Copy !req
396. Anywhere.Copy !req
397. Wow.Copy !req
398. It's lovely. It's a lovely place.Copy !req
399. It's one of my favourites.Copy !req
400. I didn't bring a swimming costume.Copy !req
401. Neither did I.Copy !req
402. The sun won't shine forever.Copy !req
403. Someone might be looking.Copy !req
404. Honey, your body ain't that special.Copy !req
405. Don't look, OK?Copy !req
406. Fine.Copy !req
407. I said don't look!Copy !req
408. I wasn't looking, you just...Copy !req
409. You were looking.
You were perving. You were looking.Copy !req
410. Come on.Copy !req
411. Get in!Copy !req
412. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
413. It's freezing!Copy !req
414. You all right, Em?Copy !req
415. Hello? Hello? You deaf or what?Copy !req
416. You know, that's the first time
you've asked me something.Copy !req
417. What, today?Copy !req
418. Ever.Copy !req
419. Well, answer it then.
You all right?Copy !req
420. No, I'm having the worst time
of my life.Copy !req
421. The weather's shit.
The company's even worse.Copy !req
422. Amen.Copy !req
423. It's peaceful.Copy !req
424. Yeah.Copy !req
425. Do you wanna do blowbacks?Copy !req
426. I never got blowbacks.Copy !req
427. Why can't people just smoke
the damn things straight?Copy !req
428. It's fun.
Have you even tried it?Copy !req
429. No.Copy !req
430. But being all seeing,
I already know it's shit.Copy !req
431. Come on. Everything once.Copy !req
432. Oh, fuck it.
Go ahead and disappoint me.Copy !req
433. Say something.Copy !req
434. I'm all about experiments, me.Copy !req
435. Twice! You're going to
do this to me, twice?Copy !req
436. Naomi, no!
You fucking stop right now!Copy !req
437. What?Copy !req
438. Don't you dare leave me
in your bed again.Copy !req
439. I've got to go.Copy !req
440. I know you, Naomi.
I know you're lonely.Copy !req
441. I think you need someone
to want you.Copy !req
442. Well, I do want you.Copy !req
443. So be brave.Copy !req
444. And want me back!Copy !req
445. Mum, I know it's early but...Copy !req
446. Naomi.Copy !req
447. This is my fucking house!Copy !req
448. Naomi! For the love of God!Copy !req
449. Stop will you!Copy !req
450. I came looking for you,
to apologise.Copy !req
451. She was here. We got talking.
She's a nice...Copy !req
452. Naomi, please.
I'm a fucking disaster, OK?Copy !req
453. I just...Copy !req
454. I'm lonely.Copy !req
455. Fuck off!Copy !req
456. VOICES APPROACHINGCopy !req
457. Right. Well, these aren't
going to count themselves.Copy !req
458. There's one thing
I want to make clear to you.Copy !req
459. That boy will not win.Copy !req
460. Cook? He might win.Copy !req
461. He seems very popular.Copy !req
462. No, Doug. He will not win.Copy !req
463. Oh no, I mean...Copy !req
464. That goes against...Copy !req
465. I'm totally against that. Totally.Copy !req
466. Don't you have a career review
assessment with me next week?Copy !req
467. Totally agree. He will not win.Copy !req
468. Right.Copy !req
469. This is how it will work.
Vote for Naomi, this pile.Copy !req
470. Vote for Crispin, this pile.Copy !req
471. Someone voted for Crispin?Copy !req
472. Vote for Cook, this pile.Copy !req
473. Right. Right.Copy !req
474. I think we're gonna need
a bigger bra.Copy !req
475. Shut up and get on with it.Copy !req
476. Drum roll, please.Copy !req
477. DRUM ROLLCopy !req
478. Thank you.Copy !req
479. And the winner is...Copy !req
480. Naomi!Copy !req
481. MURMURINGCopy !req
482. Naomi, do you have a few words?Copy !req
483. You should have more confidence.Copy !req
484. What?Copy !req
485. I mean, your tits are fine.Copy !req
486. Probably a bit flat,
but no need to stuff your bra.Copy !req
487. Now, I'm not sure,
but were these votes counted?Copy !req
488. Cook. Cook. Cook. Cook.Copy !req
489. Naomi. Stop the silliness.Copy !req
490. Celebrate. You've won.Copy !req
491. No. Cook won. He's our President.Copy !req
492. And my first act
as President of this school,Copy !req
493. is to declare this riot open!Copy !req
494. FIRE ALARM SOUNDSCopy !req
495. Yeah!Copy !req
496. WINDOW SMASHESCopy !req
497. So...Copy !req
498. Where does this go next?Copy !req
499. Burning all the gym equipmentCopy !req
500. or shitting in the
College Director's desk?Copy !req
501. I tell you, I'd be up for either.Copy !req
502. I'm sorry.Copy !req
503. You're supposed to be
flattered by my intention.Copy !req
504. But ultimately, honourably,
unobtainable.Copy !req
505. Yeah.Copy !req
506. A bit too flattered maybe.Copy !req
507. A bit too obtainable.Copy !req
508. A bit of a twat.Copy !req
509. Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
510. Do you like her?Copy !req
511. Yeah.Copy !req
512. She's...Copy !req
513. She's right.Copy !req
514. So go tell her, will you?Copy !req
515. Yeah.Copy !req
516. Sure.Copy !req
517. Thanks!Copy !req
518. two ninja stars and a butt plug
that Kieran fucker confiscated.Copy !req
519. Think you'll be expelled for this?Copy !req
520. No. They'll have to explain why,
wouldn't they?Copy !req
521. I reckon, when this is over,Copy !req
522. they'll try and pretend
it never happened.Copy !req
523. You're probably right.Copy !req
524. I only really entered to
piss you off, obviously.Copy !req
525. Obviously.Copy !req
526. You ever wish things
were just simple?Copy !req
527. Things are simple. I won.Copy !req
528. Now we get to willy waggle, yeah?Copy !req
529. I never said...Copy !req
530. Are you sure? Are you actually
sure you never said cos...Copy !req
531. Hang on.Copy !req
532. I think we should willy waggle.Copy !req
533. They all come to the
Cookie Monster in the end.Copy !req
534. Cook! Cook!Copy !req
535. This isn't right.Copy !req
536. What?Copy !req
537. Sorry. It's just isn't a goer.Copy !req
538. Fair enough.Copy !req
539. Is that's it?Copy !req
540. You're not even going to try
and convince me? Most guys would.Copy !req
541. Most guys aren't me, babe.Copy !req
542. You fancy me, I'm cool with it.Copy !req
543. So there's obviously another
reason why you won't fuck me.Copy !req
544. And it's probably a good one
cos you'reCopy !req
545. you know,Copy !req
546. clever.Copy !req
547. You're a lot nicer than most
people think, aren't you, Cook?Copy !req
548. Fuck you.Copy !req
549. Fuck you right back.Copy !req
550. CAR ALARMS BLARECopy !req
551. You noticed how quiet it is?Copy !req
552. You kicked them out?Copy !req
553. Probably take a few days
to clean the place, right?Copy !req
554. What did you want to talk
to me about this morning?Copy !req
555. Is anyone here?Copy !req
556. Just some man who seemed to think
you wanted him back in my bed.Copy !req
557. He's very entertaining
for an Irishman.Copy !req
558. It is peaceful.Copy !req
559. Yeah.Copy !req
560. Did I ever tell you how
angry I was when I found outCopy !req
561. I was pregnant with you?Copy !req
562. Is this going to cheer me up?
Because I need cheering up. OK?Copy !req
563. I'm getting there.Copy !req
564. I'd met the man of my dreams.Copy !req
565. I wanted to travel the world, fuck
on every beach in India, be in love,Copy !req
566. and then I found out I was pregnant.Copy !req
567. I can only apologise.Copy !req
568. And, you know, your dad turned
out to be a shitty little prick,Copy !req
569. and it was all
a little bit rubbish.Copy !req
570. Until you made my life complete.Copy !req
571. And actually,
rather fucking wonderful.Copy !req
572. I did that?Copy !req
573. I wasn't expecting it.Copy !req
574. People who make us happy are
never the people you expect.Copy !req
575. So, when you find someone.Copy !req
576. You've got to cherish it.Copy !req
577. Right then.Copy !req
578. I've got an Irishman waiting for me,Copy !req
579. who says all he needs for happiness
is regular sex and potatoes.Copy !req
580. I'm not gonna open the door.Copy !req
581. My face is all puffy.
I've been... crying a bit.Copy !req
582. I don't care.Copy !req
583. I do want someone.
Need someone. You're right.Copy !req
584. And?Copy !req
585. And... when I'm with you,
I feel like I'm a better person.Copy !req
586. I feel happier.
Less... alone. Less lonely.Copy !req
587. But it's not as simple as
that, is it? Being with someone.Copy !req
588. Isn't it?Copy !req
589. No. I mean, I don't know.Copy !req
590. I mean, I don't think so.Copy !req
591. I mean...Copy !req
592. Can't we just sit
like this... for a bit?Copy !req
593. Yeah. We can.Copy !req
594. For a bit.Copy !req
595. I've been getting locked on.
Breaking stuff.Copy !req
596. Getting into rages.Copy !req
597. Don't do that.Copy !req
598. Right.Copy !req
599. You gotta choose, mate.
Either me or Cook.Copy !req
600. Please make up with Freddie, Cook.Copy !req
601. Please make up with Freddie, Cook.
He can fuck himself.Copy !req
602. All those things you want.Copy !req
603. I love you.Copy !req
604. You don't ask for them.
Why don't you just ask?Copy !req