1. Sleek, Sophisticated, Seductive,Copy !req
2. The new Millennium Edition
Crown Royal funeral coach,Copy !req
3. Because your loved one deserves
the very best in style and comfort,Copy !req
4. - Nathaniel Fisher.
- Nathaniel?Copy !req
5. It's Ruth. Did you take your
blood pressure medication today?Copy !req
6. - Yes.
- Don't lie to me.Copy !req
7. I took it, What do you want
me to do, OD on it?Copy !req
8. Oh, and I just realized we don't have
any of that soy stuff Nate drinks.Copy !req
9. You know, since he gave up milk.
I don't know what it's called.Copy !req
10. Why not just cut some milk with tap
water? He'll never know the difference,Copy !req
11. Look, if you don't want to go, I'll go.Copy !req
12. It's not as if I don't have enough
to do already.Copy !req
13. I'm kidding, I'll get some.Copy !req
14. But it has to be after I pick up Nate
at the airport. I'm already running late.Copy !req
15. Nathaniel!Copy !req
16. - Are you smoking?
- Nope.Copy !req
17. - Yes, you are. I heard you.
- I'm not, No, I'm not.Copy !req
18. Look, forget you'll give yourself cancer
and die a slow and horrible death.Copy !req
19. You should not be stinking up
that new hearse,Copy !req
20. - I told you not to let him take it.
- Like I could've stopped him.Copy !req
21. He's as proud of that thing as your fool
brother was of that damn motorcycle.Copy !req
22. And who still has a pin in his foot?Copy !req
23. Nathaniel, people want things
to be nice when there's a funeral.Copy !req
24. They don't want their loved ones riding
in something that smells like an ashtray.Copy !req
25. All right, look. I'm quitting right now.
I promise.Copy !req
26. Okay? I'll see you tonight.Copy !req
27. That new hearse
was a total waste of money.Copy !req
28. There was nothing wrong
with the old one.Copy !req
29. I think your father's having
some sort of midlife crisis.Copy !req
30. It would've made more sense
to invest in repaneling the chapel...Copy !req
31. or adding coffee bars
to the slumber rooms.Copy !req
32. Well, I'd much rather he buy himself
a fancy new hearse...Copy !req
33. than leave me for a younger woman.Copy !req
34. Or a woman my age,
for that matter.Copy !req
35. Or heaven forbid, a man,
like my cousin Hannah's husband did.Copy !req
36. God sure has dealt that woman
some blows in this life.Copy !req
37. Mom.Copy !req
38. Can I do anything to help?Copy !req
39. No, no, honey. I'm fine.Copy !req
40. Besides, don't you
have a viewing tonight?Copy !req
41. - You should probably be getting ready.
- Right.Copy !req
42. So I enjoyed talking to you
about that whole shiatsu thing.Copy !req
43. I really hope that pans out for you.Copy !req
44. You should let me
work on you sometime.Copy !req
45. Here's my cell number.
I'll be here until the 29th.Copy !req
46. Here you go.Copy !req
47. My dad was supposed
to meet me here.Copy !req
48. - I could give you a ride.
- I'm sure he'll be here soon enough.Copy !req
49. I wasn't talking about that kind of ride.Copy !req
50. You've done a nice job.Copy !req
51. - She looks so peaceful.
- Well, she is at peace now.Copy !req
52. If there's any justice in the universe,
she's shoveling shit in hell.Copy !req
53. Excuse me.Copy !req
54. - David Fisher.
- David, it's Claire.Copy !req
55. - Is Nate there yet?
- Nope.Copy !req
56. I thought he was coming
so we could do,Copy !req
57. the forced Christmas Eve family thing.
- Well...Copy !req
58. There are some really excellent parties
I could be going to.Copy !req
59. Claire.Copy !req
60. This is one of the few times
we're all together.Copy !req
61. Don't get all Pat Robertson on me,
I'll be there,Copy !req
62. I have to drop some stuff off at a friend's
house before I head over, okay? Bye.Copy !req
63. Fucking Boy Scout.Copy !req
64. Attention, passengers of flight 71,Copy !req
65. This is kind of disgusting.Copy !req
66. - Disgusting good or disgusting bad?
- Disgusting very good.Copy !req
67. I know.Copy !req
68. - You are so fucking hot.
- You're so sweet.Copy !req
69. I'm a sweet guy.Copy !req
70. Shut up and fuck me.Copy !req
71. Hello.Copy !req
72. This is Ruth Fisher.Copy !req
73. Yes, I'm his wife.Copy !req
74. What is this about?Copy !req
75. What?Copy !req
76. Excuse me.Copy !req
77. Mom, what the hell are you...?Copy !req
78. There's been an accident.Copy !req
79. The new hearse is totaled.Copy !req
80. Your father is dead.Copy !req
81. Your father is dead,
and my pot roast is ruined.Copy !req
82. Oh, my God.Copy !req
83. You carry a lot of tension
around in your lower back.Copy !req
84. Not as much as 20 minutes ago.Copy !req
85. Just so you know...Copy !req
86. I never do this.Copy !req
87. Oh, yeah. Me neither.Copy !req
88. So...Copy !req
89. were you ever gonna
tell me your name?Copy !req
90. Probably not.Copy !req
91. Why not?Copy !req
92. Because I'm a realist.Copy !req
93. That's my father looking for me.Copy !req
94. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
95. Oh, Dave, hey. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
96. Of course I'm okay.
Couldn't be better in fact.Copy !req
97. What?Copy !req
98. I'm so sorry, Nate. I hate
to have to be the one to tell you.Copy !req
99. This is just speed, right?
Promise me this isn't crack.Copy !req
100. I'm having Christmas Eve dinner
with my demented family.Copy !req
101. It'll be weird enough
without being high on crack.Copy !req
102. No, it's just crystal meth. It just makes
everything burn a little bit brighter.Copy !req
103. And it makes sex, like, totally primal.Copy !req
104. Here. It's all right.Copy !req
105. Oh, well, it's too late now.Copy !req
106. It's mine.Copy !req
107. Hello? David, hi.Copy !req
108. Hang on a second.Copy !req
109. So is Nate there yet?Copy !req
110. No, he's still at the airport.
Claire, I've got bad news.Copy !req
111. What?Copy !req
112. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
113. Okay, I'm on my way.Copy !req
114. I have to go.Copy !req
115. - No fucking way!
- Excuse me.Copy !req
116. Wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
117. - You're coming back, right?
- I don't think so.Copy !req
118. My dad just got hit by a bus,
and it broke his neck, and he's dead.Copy !req
119. I gotta pick up my mom and bring her to
the morgue so she can identify his body.Copy !req
120. No, I'm not kidding.
This is actually happening.Copy !req
121. And now I'm high on crack!Copy !req
122. - Crystal.
- Whatever!Copy !req
123. So I guess this whole hellish experience
I'm about to go through...Copy !req
124. is just gonna burn
a little brighter now, right?Copy !req
125. Great! Thank you! Fuck!Copy !req
126. You really didn't have to do this.
I could've rented a car.Copy !req
127. It's okay.
You're in no shape to drive.Copy !req
128. I'm in no hurry to get home to my
family's annual Christmas Eve massacre.Copy !req
129. Parents who stayed together
for the children...Copy !req
130. but really because they got off
on tormenting each other so much.Copy !req
131. Manic-depressive brother...Copy !req
132. who always chooses the holidays
to go off his medication.Copy !req
133. And an ancient springer spaniel who's
completely blind, deaf and incontinent.Copy !req
134. What about you?Copy !req
135. Actually, we're pretty normal.Copy !req
136. My mom's a control freak.Copy !req
137. My brother...Copy !req
138. well, he's a control freak too.Copy !req
139. And my sister...Copy !req
140. Well, I left home before she was born
so I never really knew her that well...Copy !req
141. but she's kind of wild like I was.
- Was?Copy !req
142. My dad really rode my ass
when I was a kid.Copy !req
143. I couldn't go rafting because
he buried a girl who drowned.Copy !req
144. He buries this dipshit loser who OD'd
at a Flock of Seagulls concert...Copy !req
145. and I'm not allowed to go
to concerts for a year.Copy !req
146. Your dad worked in a cemetery?Copy !req
147. How could a man who's so scared of
everything, who never had an accident...Copy !req
148. or a speeding ticket in his entire life,
how could he have a car wreck?Copy !req
149. Are you mad at him,
or the fact that we're all gonna die?Copy !req
150. - Are you a shrink?
- No! God, no. No!Copy !req
151. Both my parents are.Copy !req
152. So, what else do you
want to talk about?Copy !req
153. The weather?Copy !req
154. Or the fact that we both
just fucked a perfect stranger?Copy !req
155. And that we both lied
when we said we never did that.Copy !req
156. - Wonderful service.
- Yes, it was. Very nice.Copy !req
157. She looked so peaceful.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
158. - You're welcome.
- Wonderful job.Copy !req
159. Did you know that
before you were born...Copy !req
160. funeral homes
ran the ambulance business?Copy !req
161. No.Copy !req
162. Hearses were the only vehicles
that could transport people lying down.Copy !req
163. Your father used to joke about that.Copy !req
164. "Just drive him around the block
a few more times.Copy !req
165. We won't need to stop
at the hospital."Copy !req
166. You're kind of freaking me out
right now.Copy !req
167. Claire...Copy !req
168. are you having sex?
- What?Copy !req
169. Or doing drugs?Copy !req
170. Why are you asking me this right now?Copy !req
171. Your father is dead.Copy !req
172. I can't even remember the last time you
and I talked about anything important.Copy !req
173. I need to know you're okay.Copy !req
174. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
175. Believe me, I'm okay.Copy !req
176. You know, considering.Copy !req
177. - Do you work here?
- Yes.Copy !req
178. I wanted to compliment you
on the music.Copy !req
179. I've been to three funerals this year.
Cancer, stroke, pediatric leukemia...Copy !req
180. and the music is always
that same sad organ music.Copy !req
181. It reminds me of soap operas
my mom watched...Copy !req
182. before I started kindergarten. Oh, God,
you're probably too young to remember.Copy !req
183. Anyway, I so prefer this light classical,
you know, chamber orchestra stuff.Copy !req
184. It's still spiritual, but doesn't
seem so dated or depressing.Copy !req
185. I studied music appreciation.Copy !req
186. You think I'm really boring, don't you?
Well, get used to it,Copy !req
187. Now that your father is dead,Copy !req
188. , you can forget
about going to law school,Copy !req
189. It's just you and dead people and freaks
like me for the rest of your life!Copy !req
190. Mom.Copy !req
191. Mom, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
192. Who's she?Copy !req
193. - This is...
- Brenda Chenowith.Copy !req
194. Brenda Chenowith.Copy !req
195. Brenda, this is my mom,
Ruth Fisher.Copy !req
196. And my sister, Claire.Copy !req
197. - Nate, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, just give me a minute.Copy !req
198. - Mom, did you already do the...?
- I can't.Copy !req
199. I've seen too many dead people
in my life. They're work.Copy !req
200. I won't see your father that way.
I need you to do it.Copy !req
201. Nate, I need to talk to you now,
please. It's urgent.Copy !req
202. - So how did you and my son meet?
- In cooking class.Copy !req
203. I have to tell somebody.
I am tweaking.Copy !req
204. - Yeah, we're all upset.
- No, I'm high on crystal.Copy !req
205. I smoked some with some friends
before David called me.Copy !req
206. - You did what?
- Don't worry, it's the first time.Copy !req
207. But I think I'm having a meltdown...Copy !req
208. and I can't tell if it's Dad being dead
or the crystal, but...Copy !req
209. I'm really scared.Copy !req
210. You cannot do this to me right now.Copy !req
211. Don't be a narc.
We smoked pot at Thanksgiving.Copy !req
212. Look, I have to go identify
our dead father's body.Copy !req
213. I'm sorry you're having
a bad drug experience, but deal with it.Copy !req
214. Well?Copy !req
215. Well, well,Copy !req
216. The prodigal returns,Copy !req
217. This is what you've been running away
from your whole life, buddy-boy.Copy !req
218. Scared the crap out of you
when you were growing up, didn't it?Copy !req
219. And you thought you'd escape,
well, guess what?Copy !req
220. Nobody escapes.Copy !req
221. - Well?
- Yeah, that's him.Copy !req
222. Okay, let's get out of here.Copy !req
223. How'd he look?Copy !req
224. Dead.Copy !req
225. Will there need to be
a lot of reconstruction?Copy !req
226. David's not that skilled
at the really hard stuff.Copy !req
227. Federico usually does that.
He's quite gifted.Copy !req
228. You don't think we'll have
to have a closed casket, do you?Copy !req
229. - I would hate to send that message.
- What message?Copy !req
230. That we're not equipped to handle
a major restoration...Copy !req
231. or that we're not proud of our work.
- Can we talk about this later?Copy !req
232. We should really get Nate home.
He's probably exhausted. Let's go.Copy !req
233. Thanks for driving me here.Copy !req
234. Please. I'm just avoiding my own hell.
I'm a big coward.Copy !req
235. Me too.Copy !req
236. I don't know if I can handle this.Copy !req
237. Well, you're about to find out.Copy !req
238. I wish you the best, Nate.Copy !req
239. Goodbye.Copy !req
240. Claire.Copy !req
241. - You're driving too fast.
- This isn't fast. You wanna see fast?Copy !req
242. Pull over!Copy !req
243. Listen, do you do a lot of drugs?Copy !req
244. What? No.
And it's none of your business.Copy !req
245. Yes, it is my business.Copy !req
246. You were driving like a maniac.
You could've gotten us killed.Copy !req
247. What the hell is this?
You're not my father.Copy !req
248. You split as soon as you could.
You don't even know me.Copy !req
249. So don't start thinking you can
tell me what to do, okay?Copy !req
250. So where's Dad, downstairs already?Copy !req
251. He's still in the morgue.Copy !req
252. You didn't bring him back with you?Copy !req
253. Oh, dear.Copy !req
254. That didn't even cross my mind.Copy !req
255. We should've taken the van
so we could bring him home.Copy !req
256. I'm sorry.
That was very stupid of me.Copy !req
257. Nice going, Dave.Copy !req
258. Like she doesn't have enough
to feel bad about right now?Copy !req
259. Things have to be done.
Federico's downstairs, ready to start.Copy !req
260. Every second we wait will only make
Dad's restoration more difficult.Copy !req
261. But you wouldn't know
about that, would you, bag boy?Copy !req
262. "Bag boy"?Copy !req
263. I'm assistant manager of organic produce
at Seattle's highest volume food co-op.Copy !req
264. Jesus, pull your dicks out and measure
them. Let's get this over with.Copy !req
265. Were we supposed to throw Dad
in the back of Claire's car?Copy !req
266. It is a hearse!Copy !req
267. Yeah, hi. It's David Fisher.Copy !req
268. Yeah, so I need to come
pick up the body.Copy !req
269. These people mean nothing to me,Copy !req
270. Know you not the family of the man
who has slaved for you,Copy !req
271. , from dawn to dark
these many years?Copy !req
272. They appear to be so happy,Copy !req
273. - I made you some dinner.
- I'm so not hungry.Copy !req
274. We have to eat, Claire.
We didn't die.Copy !req
275. What is that?Copy !req
276. - For your father,
your brother, Tiny Tim,Copy !req
277. On three. One. Two. Three.Copy !req
278. Really sorry, man.Copy !req
279. Thanks.Copy !req
280. For a body that's firm, yet flexible,Copy !req
281. For skin that begs to be touched,Copy !req
282. For the velvety appearance
of actual living tissue,Copy !req
283. , top morticians rely on Living Splendor
embalming fluid,Copy !req
284. Living Splendor,
Only real life is better,Copy !req
285. Hey, buddy-boy.Copy !req
286. Come on in, it's okay.Copy !req
287. Say hello to Mr. Bloomberg.Copy !req
288. There isn't anything to be afraid of, Nate.
Mr. Bloomberg's dead.Copy !req
289. I'm getting him ready so his family
can see him for the last time...Copy !req
290. and say goodbye to him.
It'll make them feel better.Copy !req
291. That's what Daddy does.Copy !req
292. What do you got?Copy !req
293. You got me.Copy !req
294. You can touch him
if you wear one of these.Copy !req
295. Believe me, he won't mind.
He won't care.Copy !req
296. Nate!Copy !req
297. What's up?Copy !req
298. - Hey, Rico.
- It's good to see you.Copy !req
299. Really sorry about your dad, man.Copy !req
300. But, well, you know,
when your time's up, it's up, right?Copy !req
301. How's he doing?Copy !req
302. So far so good.Copy !req
303. I really appreciate you coming in
on Christmas Eve, Federico.Copy !req
304. It's the least I could do for Mr. F.
Everything he did for me.Copy !req
305. I was gonna be up all night anyway,
putting together useless shit...Copy !req
306. Santa Claus is bringing my kid.Copy !req
307. We don't use that kind of language
in here. Show some respect.Copy !req
308. - You need something?
- No.Copy !req
309. I just...Copy !req
310. David Fisher.Copy !req
311. Hey, I just want to remind you, don't
eat too much with your family tonight...Copy !req
312. because I am making you something
totally decadent and fatty for dessert.Copy !req
313. Hold just a second, please.Copy !req
314. Hi.Copy !req
315. Keith, I'm sorry, I can't make it,Copy !req
316. Why not?Copy !req
317. My father was just killed
in a car accident.Copy !req
318. Oh, shit. David, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
319. What can I do?Copy !req
320. Nothing, thanks.
But I have to stay here.Copy !req
321. Listen, if you need anything,
don't hesitate to call me.Copy !req
322. Sure,Copy !req
323. I mean it, David. You don't
have to go through this alone.Copy !req
324. I gotta go.Copy !req
325. Okay, here it goes.Copy !req
326. This is the one I'm most proud of.Copy !req
327. The husband, okay?
He got fired, flipped out...Copy !req
328. shot his wife point-blank in the head,
then shot himself in the mouth.Copy !req
329. Some seriously closed-casket shit, right?
Now look at this.Copy !req
330. Like the bride and groom
on top of a cake.Copy !req
331. And then we cremated them.Copy !req
332. What a fucking waste.Copy !req
333. Actually...Copy !req
334. this right here is...
This is my best work.Copy !req
335. Wait a minute, this kid
was born just last month.Copy !req
336. He'll be 4 fucking years old in April,
can you believe it?Copy !req
337. Vanessa's pregnant again.Copy !req
338. You stud!Copy !req
339. Hey, it wasn't planned. You know what?
Neither was this one.Copy !req
340. And he's the best thing
that ever happened to me.Copy !req
341. Keep an eye on those chemicals,
Federico. We don't want him to burn.Copy !req
342. Hey.Copy !req
343. - Where's Mom?
- She went to bed.Copy !req
344. Was she feeling any better?Copy !req
345. Yeah, Nate, she was on top
of the goddamn world.Copy !req
346. - Where's David?
- He's downstairs, working.Copy !req
347. On Dad?Copy !req
348. Yeah, well, him and Rico.Copy !req
349. He said not to wait up for him.
We should try and sleep.Copy !req
350. Yeah, as if that were a viable option.Copy !req
351. - You want to go to the grocery store?
- Yes. Anything to get out of here.Copy !req
352. Well, it's about to start
raining frogs here.Copy !req
353. How are things on your end?Copy !req
354. - God, I'm glad you called.
- Really, why?Copy !req
355. I don't know.
Because you...Copy !req
356. You have a calming effect on me.Copy !req
357. Are you familiar with the psychological
term "projection"?Copy !req
358. Are you familiar with the psychological
term "blow me"?Copy !req
359. Come on, You grew up
with all that psychobabble,Copy !req
360. You rebelled against it
every chance you got, Still do,Copy !req
361. And that includes having sex
with strangers in closets at airports.Copy !req
362. And you think you're
not easy to read?Copy !req
363. Coasting by on your looks and charm
isn't working like it used to,Copy !req
364. , but you have no idea what else to do
because you've never had to learn,Copy !req
365. Any woman with half a brain
looks at a guy like you and thinks:Copy !req
366. "Good for a hot fuck."
But believe me, that's it.Copy !req
367. L...Copy !req
368. Nate, can we go home?
I really gotta take a shower.Copy !req
369. Oh, God, Jesus Christ! Am I not allowed
to have even a single moment to myself?Copy !req
370. Okay.Copy !req
371. It's okay.Copy !req
372. What can I do?Copy !req
373. Nothing. No one can do anything.Copy !req
374. - You'll have to pay for that cantaloupe.
- You fuck off!Copy !req
375. She looked her best
every day of her life,Copy !req
376. Don't let one horribly disfiguring
accident change that,Copy !req
377. Use new Wound Filler
cosmetic molding putty,Copy !req
378. Now faster setting and self-sealing,Copy !req
379. , to help make masking
unsightly wounds a breeze,Copy !req
380. Ma, you remember that stuffed dog
I used to have?Copy !req
381. I dragged it around until its ears fell off,
then you made new ears out of a towel.Copy !req
382. I hated that dog after that.
And I threw it up on the roof.Copy !req
383. No.Copy !req
384. I wanted it back and begged Dad
to get it, but he said no...Copy !req
385. if I really wanted it, I'd never
have thrown it in the first place.Copy !req
386. Your father did so many wonderful things
for you, and that's all you can think of?Copy !req
387. - I just remembered it.
- He was a good man!Copy !req
388. I'm going running.Copy !req
389. Oh, no, you're doing me?
You're the worst one we've got.Copy !req
390. - Thanks, Dad.
- Where's Federico?Copy !req
391. It's Christmas morning. He's with
his wife and kid. He'll be in later.Copy !req
392. Couldn't this wait?
I don't want you ruining my face.Copy !req
393. - It's a little late for that.
- Not funny.Copy !req
394. - I need to stay busy right now.
- So go reorganize some files.Copy !req
395. Or develop a new bookkeeping system.
That's what you're good at.Copy !req
396. You never really had any aptitude
for this stuff.Copy !req
397. I know.
And what did I do with my life?Copy !req
398. I went to school to learn
exactly how to do this stuff.Copy !req
399. Other kids my age were going
to frat parties, I was draining corpses...Copy !req
400. and refashioning severed ears
out of wax.Copy !req
401. Thank God I didn't lose an ear. I can
only imagine what you'd do with that.Copy !req
402. And I did it all for you.Copy !req
403. I did it to make you happy,
you ungrateful son of a bitch.Copy !req
404. Dave?Copy !req
405. I just wanted to let you know
I was here.Copy !req
406. We'll deal you in next hand.Copy !req
407. - I'm about to jump out of my skin.
- Don't.Copy !req
408. I'm just barely holding it together.
Are you still high?Copy !req
409. - I don't know. Am I sweating?
- I know I am.Copy !req
410. This is too fucking weird.
It's been three days...Copy !req
411. and I'm still trapped in zombie world.
- This is all happening to you.Copy !req
412. Fuck off!Copy !req
413. I'm sorry, but you're not the only one
who wasn't prepared for this.Copy !req
414. I came expecting to sleep late and chow
down on Mom's cooking for six days.Copy !req
415. And now I find myself feeling like...Copy !req
416. I'm not even a part of this family.
- I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat.Copy !req
417. At least you got out of here.Copy !req
418. I live in a shitty apartment
which was supposed to be temporary.Copy !req
419. I work at a job,
also supposed to be temporary...Copy !req
420. until I figured out what I wanted to do
with my life, which apparently is nothing.Copy !req
421. I have lots of sex, but my relationships
don't last more than a couple months.Copy !req
422. I don't even have the self-discipline
to floss daily. I've had four root canals!Copy !req
423. I'm 35, I've had four root canals.Copy !req
424. I'm gonna be a loser who ends up
in his deathbed saying:Copy !req
425. - "Where'd my life go?"
- No, you won't.Copy !req
426. You'll be saying,
"Where the hell's the morphine?"Copy !req
427. I'm just trying to cheer you up.Copy !req
428. I've spent my whole fucking life
being cheerful.Copy !req
429. I'm sorry about your father,
but he's in a much better place now.Copy !req
430. You are so right about that.Copy !req
431. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
432. I know, Ruth.Copy !req
433. I know everything.Copy !req
434. I've known the Fishers
for years from church.Copy !req
435. - You know them too?
- Yes, yes. I work here.Copy !req
436. Oh, you work here.Copy !req
437. - What are you doing here?
- I just got off duty. I came...Copy !req
438. to pay my respects to your father.
- You never even met my father.Copy !req
439. Exactly. And you've met my parents
how many times now?Copy !req
440. - We spent the weekend at their house.
- Don't do this to me.Copy !req
441. - This is not your high-school reunion.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
442. This is not the time to be political.Copy !req
443. - You think I'm here to be political?
- Keep your voice down.Copy !req
444. What is this? We can fuck, but I can't
be a shoulder for you to cry on?Copy !req
445. - I'm not crying.
- So, what am I? Am I just sex to you?Copy !req
446. Jesus!Copy !req
447. Do we really have to have
this conversation now?Copy !req
448. Oh, shit. Here comes my mother.Copy !req
449. - I'm so tired.
- I know, Mom. It's exhausting.Copy !req
450. - Is something wrong?
- No, nothing's wrong.Copy !req
451. This is Keith Charles, a friend of mine.
He came to pay his respects to Dad.Copy !req
452. It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Fisher.
I'm really sorry about your husband.Copy !req
453. - You're friends with a cop?
- We play racquetball together.Copy !req
454. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
455. I'd like to see your father now.Copy !req
456. Who's that cop?Copy !req
457. - My Aunt Shirley was laid out here.
- Aunt Shirley, huh?Copy !req
458. Shirley Hamilton.
Terrible accident, lost her ear.Copy !req
459. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know Shirley.
I remember Shirley.Copy !req
460. - Really?
- Yes.Copy !req
461. I was the person who sewed her ear
back on. That was me. That's my work.Copy !req
462. What? She's sad,
so he has to get her out of sight?Copy !req
463. They always do that.Copy !req
464. The second someone starts to lose it,
they take them off into that room.Copy !req
465. It makes the other people uncomfortable,
I guess.Copy !req
466. This is not about the other people!Copy !req
467. Volume.Copy !req
468. When I went backpacking through Europe
after I quit school...Copy !req
469. I went to this island
off the coast of Sicily.Copy !req
470. It was this volcanic island,Copy !req
471. And on the boat over,
there was this pine box,Copy !req
472. Somebody from the island
being returned to be buried there,Copy !req
473. And there are all these old Sicilians
dressed up all in black...Copy !req
474. , waiting, lined up on the beach,Copy !req
475. And when they got
that coffin to the beach,Copy !req
476. , those old Sicilian women went apeshit,
screaming, throwing themselves on it,Copy !req
477. , beating their chests, tearing
at their hair, making animal noises,Copy !req
478. It was just so,Copy !req
479. So real,Copy !req
480. I mean, I'd been around funerals
my entire life,Copy !req
481. , but I had never seen such grief,Copy !req
482. And at the time,
it gave me the creeps,Copy !req
483. But now I think it's probably
so much more healthy than...Copy !req
484. this.Copy !req
485. That cop is hot.Copy !req
486. - Oh, David, David.
- I know, Mom.Copy !req
487. It's going to be okay.
It just takes time.Copy !req
488. - I've done a terrible, terrible thing.
- What?Copy !req
489. I've done a terrible thing.Copy !req
490. - How's she doing?
- She's fine.Copy !req
491. I'm not fine. I'm a whore! I was
unfaithful to your father for years!Copy !req
492. And now he knows.
He knows.Copy !req
493. I met a man at church once
when your father didn't come with me.Copy !req
494. - Mom...
- And he invited me for coffee...Copy !req
495. and he said he liked my hair.Copy !req
496. He's a hairdresser, a widower.Copy !req
497. Well, they divorced before she died,
so technically I guess he's divorced.Copy !req
498. He invited me to accompany him
on a hike.Copy !req
499. This is really not the time.Copy !req
500. - Maybe she needs to get this out.
- I don't want to hear it.Copy !req
501. I used to love hiking when I was
younger, and being outdoors.Copy !req
502. I always wanted
to take you kids camping...Copy !req
503. but your father would never
leave the business!Copy !req
504. Well, I can tell you. I went camping
with this man from church several times!Copy !req
505. Told your father
I was visiting my sister.Copy !req
506. If he'd ever thought to call...Copy !req
507. Can you even begin to fathom
the impropriety of this?Copy !req
508. Your husband is lying
in a casket.Copy !req
509. David, she's grief-stricken, okay?
Fuck propriety.Copy !req
510. We don't say that word!Copy !req
511. Did you know him?Copy !req
512. No.Copy !req
513. Did you?Copy !req
514. He was my father.Copy !req
515. You're Claire?Copy !req
516. - Yeah.
- Keith Charles.Copy !req
517. I'm a friend of your brother's.Copy !req
518. - Of Nate's?
- No, David's.Copy !req
519. - David's friends with a cop?
- We play racquetball together.Copy !req
520. - David plays racquetball?
- Excuse us.Copy !req
521. You want me to cry
on your shoulder? Fine.Copy !req
522. My mother just confessed
she was having an affair.Copy !req
523. - Wow.
- Yeah, with some hairdresser...Copy !req
524. who likes to hike. Now Nate is in there
playing Mr. Sensitive with her...Copy !req
525. while her dead husband
lies in the next room. It's disgusting.Copy !req
526. - Breathe. You're gonna get through this.
- Oh, I know.Copy !req
527. I'll be the strong, stable, dependable one,
because that's what I do.Copy !req
528. Everyone around me will fall apart
because that's what they do.Copy !req
529. Don't you get exhausted being so hard
on everyone? And yourself?Copy !req
530. Oh, shut up.Copy !req
531. - She met him at church.
- You met me at church.Copy !req
532. Hands.Copy !req
533. I didn't even realize how lonely I was...Copy !req
534. or how long it had been
since a man touched me like that.Copy !req
535. Well, loneliness is a terrible thing.Copy !req
536. I'm still a woman, you know.Copy !req
537. Yes, I know.Copy !req
538. And now your father sees me.
Like God sees me.Copy !req
539. He knows everything.
I'm so ashamed.Copy !req
540. You didn't do it to hurt anybody.Copy !req
541. You were lonely.
I'm sure Dad forgives you.Copy !req
542. - And God doesn't?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure he does too.Copy !req
543. Look, it's okay.Copy !req
544. Everybody forgives everybody.
For everything.Copy !req
545. Fuck.Copy !req
546. If you're looking for the olives, honey,
they're right here.Copy !req
547. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,Copy !req
548. , is easy as pie with Franklin 's
new leak-proof earth dispenser,Copy !req
549. Say goodbye to soiled fingers forever,Copy !req
550. Only from Franklin Funeral Supplies,
We put the fun back in funeral,Copy !req
551. In the midst of life,
we are in death.Copy !req
552. Of whom may we seek for succor,
but of thee, O Lord?Copy !req
553. Who for our sins art justly displeased?Copy !req
554. Thou knowest, Lord,
the secrets of our hearts.Copy !req
555. Shut not thy merciful ears
to our prayer.Copy !req
556. But spare us, Lord most holy,
O God most mighty.Copy !req
557. O holy and merciful savior,
thou most worthy judge eternal.Copy !req
558. Suffer us not, at our last hour...Copy !req
559. through any pains of death,
to fall from thee.Copy !req
560. In the sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life.Copy !req
561. Through almighty God
we commend our brother...Copy !req
562. Nathaniel Samuel Fisher...Copy !req
563. and we commit his body
to the ground.Copy !req
564. He looks like he's salting popcorn.Copy !req
565. Earth to earth,
ashes to ashes...Copy !req
566. dust to dust.Copy !req
567. The Lord bless him and keep him.Copy !req
568. The Lord make his face to shine
upon him and be gracious unto him.Copy !req
569. The Lord lift up his countenance
upon him and give him peace.Copy !req
570. - Nate...
- No!Copy !req
571. I refuse to sanitize this anymore.Copy !req
572. - This is how it's done.
- Yeah? Well, it's whacked.Copy !req
573. What is this stupid saltshaker?Copy !req
574. What is this hermetically sealed box?
This phony AstroTurf around the grave?Copy !req
575. Jesus, David, it's like surgery.
Clean, antiseptic, business.Copy !req
576. - He was our father!
- Please don't do this.Copy !req
577. You can pump him full of chemicals,
you can put makeup on him...Copy !req
578. and you can prop him up
for a nap in the slumber room...Copy !req
579. but the fact remains that the only
father we're ever gonna have is gone!Copy !req
580. Forever.
And that sucks.Copy !req
581. But it's a goddamn part of life,
and you can't really accept it...Copy !req
582. without getting your hands dirty.Copy !req
583. Well, I do accept it, and I intend
to honor the old bastard...Copy !req
584. by letting the world see how fucked
up and shitty I feel that he's dead!Copy !req
585. Goddamn it!Copy !req
586. Amen.Copy !req
587. Wait.Copy !req
588. Let her.Copy !req
589. Let us pray.Copy !req
590. Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name...Copy !req
591. thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.Copy !req
592. Give us this day, our daily bread.
Forgive us our trespasses...Copy !req
593. as we forgive those
who have trespassed against us.Copy !req
594. Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.Copy !req
595. For thine is the kingdom and the power
and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.Copy !req
596. Amen! Amen!Copy !req
597. The Lord be with you.Copy !req
598. Mom, Federico's gonna
drive you back, okay?Copy !req
599. I just need to go over a few details
with Nate. We'll be right behind you.Copy !req
600. Put her there, Mrs. F.Copy !req
601. You have such delicate hands, Federico.
Like a statue.Copy !req
602. Or an illustration in an antique book.Copy !req
603. Or one of those little ceramic hands
they use to display gloves.Copy !req
604. You want to be the alpha dog,
Nate, is that it?Copy !req
605. Coasting toward mid-life
with nothing to show for it.Copy !req
606. You wanna come back and be the rock
for this family to lean on?Copy !req
607. - Fuck you.
- That is not what I'm...Copy !req
608. You want to get your hands dirty?
You sanctimonious prick.Copy !req
609. Talk to me when you've had to stuff
formaldehyde-soaked cotton...Copy !req
610. up your father's ass
so he doesn't leak.Copy !req
611. - Jesus!
- Yeah.Copy !req
612. Well, I'm sure you just would've
tossed him out with the garbage.Copy !req
613. It may seem weird to you...Copy !req
614. but there is a reason
behind everything that we do here.Copy !req
615. We provide people
with a very important...Copy !req
616. and sacred service
at the darkest time in their lives.Copy !req
617. Because maybe they don't wanna
make a spectacle of themselves.Copy !req
618. Because maybe they'd prefer
to grieve in private.Copy !req
619. Why?Copy !req
620. Why does it have to be such a secret?
It's nothing to be ashamed of.Copy !req
621. - Dave, please...
- You know nothing!Copy !req
622. Nothing!Copy !req
623. You had a responsibility
to this family...Copy !req
624. and you ran away,
and left it all for me.Copy !req
625. Don't blame me if you're
not living the life you want.Copy !req
626. That is nobody's fault but your own.Copy !req
627. Okay, fine.
Just do me a favor, okay?Copy !req
628. You got out...Copy !req
629. stay out.Copy !req
630. Excuse me, Mr. Fisher, sir?
If I could get a moment of your time.Copy !req
631. - What?
- I'm from Kroehner Service International.Copy !req
632. I'd like to talk to you about joining
our family of death-care facilities.Copy !req
633. - I cannot believe this.
- If you'd just hear me out...Copy !req
634. We're not selling.
Get the fuck out of here!Copy !req
635. We wouldn't change
the name of the business.Copy !req
636. We would retain you
as a salaried manager.Copy !req
637. Look, I really want to hit somebody
right now, and it might as well be you!Copy !req
638. I'll call you when you've had some time
to recover from your loss.Copy !req
639. - You're really lucky, you know that?
- You kidding? It was over in a second.Copy !req
640. I didn't have to be afraid of it
or even think about it.Copy !req
641. - No more bullshit.
- No more responsibility.Copy !req
642. - And no more having to care.
- No more boredom!Copy !req
643. No more waiting to die.Copy !req
644. Hi.Copy !req
645. Well, after four days with my family,
I'm ready for shock therapy.Copy !req
646. I'm just waiting to see
if my HMO covers it.Copy !req
647. - How's it going with you?
- Oh, it's great. Great.Copy !req
648. My father's dead, my mom's a whore,
my brother wants to kill me...Copy !req
649. and my sister's smoking crack.
I think I win.Copy !req
650. Four days ago,
I was a relatively happy guy.Copy !req
651. Now it's like I don't even know
who that guy was.Copy !req
652. I'm a fucking mess.Copy !req
653. If you want to know the truth.Copy !req
654. But I think you're already aware of that.Copy !req
655. Well, here's my number.Copy !req
656. If you ever want to, I don't know,
go out on a real date?Copy !req
657. You know, where you buy me dinner
before I put out.Copy !req
658. Maybe I'm a woman that meets a man
who seems emotionally conflicted...Copy !req
659. no relationship skills, and I figure,
"Hey, that's for me."Copy !req
660. - I don't even live here. I live in Seattle.
- That makes you more attractive.Copy !req
661. - Really?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
662. Well, I also happen to be a serial rapist.Copy !req
663. I've got 10 nurses
buried under my house.Copy !req
664. Now you're making me wet.Copy !req
665. I... I need...Copy !req
666. I need...Copy !req
667. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
668. Good morning.Copy !req
669. Thank God you're here.Copy !req
670. Yeah, well, of course I'm here.Copy !req
671. - What do you want for breakfast?
- Oh, I'm gonna go for a run.Copy !req
672. - I'll eat when I get back.
- Nate?Copy !req
673. You don't have to go back to Seattle
right away, do you?Copy !req
674. I guess not.
I could make a few calls.Copy !req
675. - Thank you.
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
676. Just for a few days.Copy !req
677. Okay.Copy !req