Six Feet Under 3x6

1. Okay, 10:00 audience, listen up!

2. Please have your questions ready for Dr. Dave

3. on your yellow question card.

4. You must have your question card filled out with your question

5. before you enter the studio, thank you.

6. What's yours say, Karen?

7. "How can I stop feeling so competitive with my mother-in-law?"

8. I think I've heard that one before. Try and make it more specific.

9. How can I stop feeling so competitive

10. with my chain-smoking bitch of a mother-in-law?

11. I do not have any pens. If you need a pen

12. please ask someone near you for a pen.

13. - Read yours. - Okay.

14. "I feel that I should be happy because I have everything,

15. but I'm not happy and that makes me feel guilty on top of it all

16. and then I hate myself. "

17. Aw-ww...

18. Well, I want to write, "I love you, Dr. Dave. "

19. Is that crazy? Do you think he'll get mad at me?

20. - Is he married? - Karen just asked if he was married.

21. Where do you live, in a hole? Of course he's married,

22. and he's very sensitive and loving with the kids

23. and he wants to make love only when you do

24. and he never ever passes gas.

25. You're bad.

26. We will be opening the studio in approximately one minute.

27. Oh, Jesus, it's time.

28. Please have your bags ready to be inspected by security.

29. - Do you happen to have a Kleenex? - I think I do.

30. I might need another Kleenex.

31. Bend over, don't let it get on your suit.

32. Single file as you go through the metal detectors.

33. - We're going. - The studio is now open!

34. The studio's opening up! Come on.

35. It's been so dry, the Santa Ana winds...

36. - Oh, dear. - Keep the pack. Should I call someone?

37. - Keep moving, people! - You go on.

38. I'm sure this will stop. Save me a seat up close.

39. Okay, do you want my cell phone?

40. Hurry, you'll miss the best seats!

41. Wow.

42. Ma'am... are you...

43. We got a situation here.

44. What you got?

45. Coroner said she died from a nosebleed.

46. Isn't that whacked? Losing that much blood just through your nose?

47. Not as uncommon as you might think.

48. Your dad and I had a couple of these back in the day.

49. She was probably born with a deviated septum

50. and at some point, maybe high school, they fixed it.

51. Oh yeah, and they gave her a cute little nose while they were at it.

52. Yeah, that could be a nose job.

53. Sometimes plastic surgery creates this scar tissue,

54. which can end up choking a major artery,

55. until it finally explodes one day.

56. Jesus, we're all just walking time bombs.

57. You can pop her in the reefer for now.

58. My large friend's gonna need both tables till we can casket him.

59. Oh, hey, that triple-X come in from Appleby yet?

60. - Uh, nope. - Shit.

61. Let me know where you're gonna be in a couple of hours.

62. It's gonna take a few of us to transfer this guy.

63. Can't, I'm taking off early, going away for a couple days.

64. - Oh, yeah? Where to? - Camping, finally.

65. In Seattle I used to go camping every other weekend.

66. There's nothing I love more than getting away

67. with my backpack, tent, where there's nobody.

68. Sounds nice.

69. Yeah, well.

70. Lisa decided she wanted to come and bring Maya, so we're all going,

71. plus some friends of ours and their kid.

72. You and Vanessa ought to get away sometime.

73. Yeah, well, every weekend since Vanessa's mom died

74. we're at her house cleaning out all her stuff.

75. - How's Vanessa holding up? - Misses her mom, I guess.

76. Doesn't talk about it a whole lot. What's to say, really?

77. Oh, damn it, where the hell did my new mousse go?

78. We're gonna have so much fun, baby girl.

79. The sky's not smoggy so you get to see real stars,

80. not the fuzzy invisible L. A. stars.

81. And you get to play with Spencer,

82. and smell your first campfire.

83. Should we bring your Baby Deadhead onesie,

84. or is that too obvious?

85. - Hey, honey. - Hey.

86. Hey, how are you doing?

87. All right, so, listen to this.

88. "Hikes near Hungry Valley, difficult. "

89. Think we need more than one spatula?

90. "Be sure to catch the intense scenery from atop Suicide Rock,

91. which received its name when a Native American princess threw herself

92. off the rock, rather than be separated from her lover. " We gotta see this.

93. You never know. Bring the book just in case.

94. Did you check my tent bag to make sure I had the stakes?

95. - We rented a tent cabin. - Yeah, I know...

96. - in case we wanna sleep out one night. - With Maya?

97. You can't sleep on the hard ground with a baby.

98. Of course you can. This is the way everyone used to live...

99. on the land of the Chumash.

100. You think Native Americans had tent cabins?

101. They didn't have Clif bars and we're bringing those.

102. Plus we have to wait and see what Todd and Dana wanna do.

103. Just because we're sharing a cabin doesn't mean we do everything with them.

104. - Well, if we could afford our own... - How does that apply?

105. Never mind.

106. I'm just glad we finally have couple friends.

107. - You are shitting me... - What?

108. Deer Springs Trail starts where we're staying and heads to Suicide Rock.

109. You want me to pack your books?

110. Mind if I look at 'em for a couple more minutes?

111. God bless you, Arthur.

112. Thank you.

113. Isn't that wonderful?

114. - What's that? - Your handkerchief.

115. Such a lovely custom.

116. Shame it's fallen by the wayside.

117. Oh, darn it all.

118. What's wrong?

119. "Silent Running" was playing at the $2 theater

120. over the weekend. I missed it.

121. I don't believe I know "Silent Running. "

122. Phenomenal film. Science fiction, but quite overlooked in the genre.

123. Oh.

124. It's about a botanist who's marooned on a space freighter.

125. His only companions are three little robots that look like TV sets.

126. He names them Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

127. - They play poker with him. - They sound adorable.

128. Oh, they are. Quite lovable indeed.

129. And yet...

130. benign, obedient...

131. much like television itself.

132. Perhaps the writer's comment on how technology can be controlled

133. and used effectively for humankind.

134. Perhaps not.

135. Starring Bruce Dern,

136. with music by Joan Baez.

137. I used to love listening to her.

138. Oh, well. I'll see it another time.

139. Need more coffee?

140. No, I just filled it.

141. Of course you did.

142. This is gonna look hot, hot, hot, baby!

143. I did blue hair in the eighth grade.

144. That was sincere blue hair. This is a comment on blue hair.

145. Maybe it was more magenta. Maybe this is my first blue hair.

146. - Tinfoil thingy? - Yeah.

147. Make sure you're taking it from the same place

148. as the other side so it's even at least.

149. If it's too even it looks like you're trying too hard.

150. If it's haphazard it's more like "fuck you. "

151. Hmm...

152. just not too uneven.

153. Oh, good.

154. The "Enter Without Knocking" sign I put out there is clearly legible.

155. I'm only up here because Rico said you took some of my brushes without asking.

156. Russell, this is my brother David.

157. - Hi. - Hey.

158. Sorry, I'm blue.

159. I understand, I work with dangerous chemicals myself.

160. Claire, we use this brush to spread Velva-Tone on people's faces.

161. Sorry. I should have told you

162. you were using something with dead people on it.

163. I ain't scared of no dead people.

164. - Anyway, it's your hair. - My hair's not scared of dead people.

165. My hair was raised with dead people.

166. All right, well, we're done.

167. We got 15 minutes.

168. Oh, this is great.

169. - Liar, it sucks. - It doesn't suck at all.

170. First of all, you're crazy. It's totally perfect.

171. Second, all Olivier says all day long is, "Look at Russell's work, people.

172. Russell's work is pulsating, it's making me hard. "

173. Your teacher says that?

174. Yeah, but it's not like harassment...

175. it's more like a comment on harassment.

176. I'm going downstairs. Nice to meet you, Russell.

177. When do we rinse?

178. Oh, ass. I forgot what time we started.

179. Oh, ass.

180. - Doesn't smell too bad in here. - Yeah.

181. Maybe we can push a couple of beds together.

182. But then Maya might fall through the middle.

183. Maybe we can push a bed against the wall.

184. Just one six-pack?

185. We're not gonna be drinking the whole time.

186. Of course not the whole time, but Todd likes his beer,

187. - and I like to have a few. - Sure, he drinks,

188. - but he doesn't drink-drink. - I know he doesn't drink-drink,

189. but between us we'll go through this six-pack tonight, minimum.

190. Isn't that the point, sit around the campfire, get a buzz?

191. Didn't you tell me to bring my weed?

192. So if you have your weed, why do you need the beer?

193. Maybe I'd like to seriously unwind and kick back

194. and forget the fact I spend my days surrounded by death.

195. To tell the truth, all I really care is that you don't smoke cigarettes.

196. Not out here where the air is so pretty.

197. I already pretend like I don't know you smoke at home.

198. I appreciate your pretending.

199. But not out here, I hate the smell of it on your clothes.

200. - Deal. - Hey!

201. Hey!

202. - How you doing, Spencer? - Okay.

203. All right, this is great!

204. - Hey. - How ya doin'?

205. - How are ya? - Good.

206. - Hey, bro'. - How are you doing, dude?

207. - How are you? - I'm good.

208. All right. Wanna help me get the cooler out of the car?

209. - I brought a ton of beer. - Yeah, sure... absolutely.

210. - So, which bed do you want? - What's your preference?

211. The one that doesn't have scorpions in it.

212. I was thinking tomorrow we can check out Suicide Rock.

213. What a great fucking hike that is. I was there last winter

214. by myself a couple times. I don't see it happening this trip though.

215. - Why not? - Not with the kids.

216. Just you and I can go up.

217. Nah. Dana wouldn't be into me taking off.

218. We should go up there another time if you wanna check it out.

219. Come on.

220. We're here now. I'm sure we can get a couple hours.

221. How long you two been married, brother?

222. Come in.

223. Please, please enter.

224. I don't need to come in. I just wanted to tell you

225. that I was running errands at the mall over on Western,

226. you know, the new mall, that just opened.

227. More of a mini-mall, but with underground parking.

228. What do they call those?

229. I pulled in to see what they had done with it,

230. and lo and behold they had a video store and...

231. I got "Silent Running"!

232. Now Huey, you're gonna plant the tree.

233. Dewey, you're gonna dig the ditch.

234. And we'll do it right here on the side of the hill.

235. He has to teach them everything.

236. UU. It stands for Unitarian Universalist.

237. But it's about as not-religious as a religion can be.

238. That would be nice... not a place that preaches,

239. but a place where we could be with other people like us.

240. Right, no big God thing,

241. no crosses or dripping blood or shit, exactly.

242. Just people gettin' together.

243. Anyone wanna catch a buzz? I got my bullet in the tent, should I get it?

244. - Sure, I might have a hit. - Go ahead, grab it.

245. All right.

246. How often does Jesus come up?

247. Pretty rarely.

248. But whenever he does they always remind us that he was black.

249. Right, as opposed to the Brad Pitt Jesus America tries to sell us.

250. Jesus wasn't black.

251. Yes, he was. Everyone was black.

252. - Of course. - Okay.

253. No thanks.

254. Well, I'm not gonna have any if you're not going to.

255. - Really? - Yeah.

256. Well, if you're not gonna have any,

257. I guess I'll pass for now, too.

258. Oh great, now I'm the only one who's stoned.

259. Oh, yeah, baby.

260. Come on, fuck me hard, do it!

261. If I don't get the dishwasher running soon I'll never do it.

262. - Have anything for the dishwasher? - My glass.

263. It's so great to be out of the city.

264. I know.

265. Wouldn't it be cool to have to totally live off the land?

266. To really be a part of nature, instead of just looking at it?

267. Not that cool.

268. I'm getting my I- need-my-Starbuck's headache.

269. I guess in the past I dated a lot of crazy girls.

270. Uh-huh.

271. - Needy attention suckers. - Yep.

272. Artist-slash-writers slash-psychos.

273. Always this whole drama thing, where if I say something,

274. she might take it the wrong way.

275. Like I'm walking through this minefield of childhood. There should be a sign...

276. "Caution, unexploded daddy issues every-fucking-where. "

277. - I've been there. - But Lisa's different, you know?

278. She knows all that bullshit fairytale stuff isn't real anyway.

279. Working through it, wanting to.

280. This is probably the first adult relationship of my life.

281. I don't know, ours is more like,

282. we can't keep our hands off each other.

283. She just loves to bang.

284. Sometimes I feel like when we're having sex,

285. he secretly hates me.

286. That's not possible.

287. Not conscious, not like he knows it on any level.

288. I know it's stupid, but I really feel like that sometimes.

289. It is stupid because you're a beautiful, amazing woman

290. and the mother of his child. Why would he hate you?

291. I know it's crazy,

292. but sometimes it's like there's this unspoken thing between us.

293. - Unspoken what? - I don't know.

294. Yeah, I'm the mother of his child so he has to Madonna-fy me.

295. Or maybe I'm just mad at the whole world

296. because my orgasm thing is screwed up.

297. - Since you had Maya. - You've heard of this?

298. Something is different and it's freaking me out.

299. It took me like a couple of months to be able to come after Spence was born.

300. I can come, but only half the time and half as intense.

301. Could childbirth have reorganized me in some way?

302. I've heard that.

303. But I'm sure it'll get better.

304. So what do you do? Do you just say,

305. "It's not happening tonight, so you're on break, hon"?

306. No.

307. Please don't tell me that you fake it.

308. Of course not.

309. Okay, maybe I do exaggerate here and there.

310. Realizing, you know, everything has happened in my life

311. so I could be ready for this.

312. Um-hmm.

313. Yeah, it's like your heart is outside your body

314. and you can see it for the first time...

315. And knowing that all of it, all of it,

316. it's always been about her.

317. Yes! God, yes. I feel the exact same way about Maya.

318. I was talking about Dana.

319. Right.

320. I don't know, our thing is just, it's incredibly hot still.

321. He's got the dirtiest mouth... oh, I love it.

322. - Like what? - Like what-what?

323. The dirty talk. What does he say?

324. Children in the vicinity.

325. So whisper... just tell me one.

326. This sounds so stupid out of context.

327. Okay, like... "Oh baby, I wanna come on your tits. "

328. You see? It sounds so stupid.

329. Oh my God, there's a snake!

330. - Come on, Spencer. - Come on.

331. You guys keep back.

332. Shh, shh, it's okay.

333. Don't make any noise.

334. And don't move.

335. Nate!

336. What did you do that for?

337. - Is it dead? - It's way past dead.

338. - Whoa. - Poor little guy.

339. That's not cool, man. That snake's not poisonous. It's a gopher snake.

340. I know what kind of fucking snake it is.

341. Aw, fuck! God damn it,

342. don't any of you fuckers wanna go for a fucking hike, huh, come on?

343. Aaaah!

344. Mediocre.

345. Redundant.

346. Terrible.

347. Blah, blah, blah.

348. Hmm. Elephant art!

349. Does anyone know what elephant art is?

350. A term the Fluxists invented.

351. My dad was a Fluxist.

352. Does anyone know what a Fluxist is?

353. Fuck that, why doesn't anyone know what elephant art is?

354. Who are you people? Don't you guys read?

355. This is elephant art.

356. My head is on backwards.

357. I feel like my head is on backwards!

358. Yes, we get it.

359. Termite art.

360. Look at me, Claire.

361. Tiny, beautiful termite art.

362. Termites work secretly at night,

363. but they can tear down a house as fast as an elephant can.

364. But they don't stomp, they infest.

365. Good job.

366. - Like that? - Exactly. Just light touch.

367. You don't want to go all Joan Crawford on him.

368. No, I certainly don't.

369. Hello, Arthur?

370. Is it okay with you if I return this?

371. Don't keep it for me.

372. Good, well, I'll take it back then.

373. There's nothing else you'd like me to pick up while I'm there, is there?

374. - Not that I can think of. - Okay, then.

375. There's leftover blintzes in the fridge if you get hungry.

376. Either of you.

377. Thank you.

378. Hey, don't think just because you're living here

379. you have to do things with the Munsters up there.

380. I don't think that.

381. I mean, take a load off, Arthur.

382. Okay.

383. Now, Biggie Smalls' viewing is tomorrow morning.

384. You ever worked with a triple-X casket before?

385. Not quite this size.

386. This is what we call Advanced Casketing Techniques 101.

387. See, the viewing is tomorrow, but we're going to lay him out upstairs tonight

388. because this is not the type of thing you wanna worry about the morning of.

389. - I thought it was great. - That's not the point.

390. Everybody makes crap sometimes,

391. but what's with the big need to humiliate me?

392. I don't know.

393. I don't do well with this kind of thing.

394. I don't need somebody telling me that I suck.

395. Particularly in front of people who, for a fact,

396. suck way worse than I do!

397. I mean, did you see that what's-her-name...

398. Levine's stupid fucking mermaid?

399. I mean, how can you grow as an artist

400. if you don't have the freedom to fail now and then?

401. - I failed. - No, he likes yours.

402. Really? Because that wasn't that clear to me.

403. Fuck it. What difference does it make?

404. The world's gonna be blown to smithereens any day now.

405. We just kissed.

406. We just kissed again.

407. Nate, go hike.

408. Don't you want to come with?

409. - I have my magazines. - You sure?

410. - Go. - All right.

411. I'll only be an hourish or two-ish.

412. Okay...

413. I just want to make sure you're not saying "Go ahead and hike" when what you

414. really mean is "Stay here and help with the baby or I'll secretly hate you. "

415. Now is the perfect time. I have my magazines,

416. Maya's mellow. Go.

417. All right. Thanks, honey.

418. All right, babe, I'll see you later, okay?

419. Oh my God. No fucking way!

420. What in the world are you doing up here?

421. We're on a camping trip. Me and Lisa and the...

422. We're down at the end of Deer Springs Trail. What are you doing here?

423. I'm at a B&B in Hungry Valley with some friends.

424. They're behind me a little ways.

425. I don't believe this! It's like fate, huh?

426. - How are you doing? - At this moment, not great...

427. to be perfectly honest.

428. I think it's really weird that you're up here right now.

429. I am hiking with my friends, who are right behind me.

430. - Yeah? - Yeah.

431. - Friends, huh? What are their names? - Frank and Douglas.

432. You think I can't tell when you're lying to me?

433. Whoa, what's with the paranoia? What, are you high?

434. - Are you stalking me now? - Don't flatter yourself.

435. You're fucking stalking me! You followed me and my family up here.

436. What the fuck do you want from me, you crazy fucking bitch?

437. Oh yeah, I'm crazy. Whoo-hoo... crazy.

438. Scary, crazy, psycho, right?

439. Tell me the fucking truth!

440. I needed to talk to you.

441. - We already talked. - Claire said you were in Kern County,

442. so I came up on the off chance...

443. Were you watching me when we were camping?

444. - No, no, it's nothing like that. - Damn it, stop bullshitting me!

445. Nate, I miss you... so much.

446. - Don't you miss me? - No, I do not. I do not miss you.

447. Yes, you do, you do. You think about me, I know you do.

448. No, this is not going to happen, all right?

449. Kiss me. Just kiss me once.

450. Just once, baby, and then we're done.

451. Yeah... oh, remember that feeling? Flowing into each other like water?

452. - Look, I can't... - I can't live without that.

453. - I can't, I won't. - Well, you're gonna have to.

454. I'm so sorry.

455. I'm sorry for everything.

456. Brenda!

457. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this to you.

458. That was my first time.

459. Shut up.

460. Oh my God.

461. Oh my God, I did that to you?

462. Well, the first time.

463. So, technically that was your first and second time?

464. - Uh-huh. - That's impressive.

465. Yeah?

466. I would have thought it was your fifth or sixth time.

467. I feel really safe with you, Claire.

468. You are really safe with me.

469. What the fuck was that?

470. Goodness.

471. Rico's going to have my behind.

472. Claire? Claire?

473. - Claire? - What?

474. I'm sorry. I can see you're entertaining... hi.

475. And I wouldn't ask if this weren't a genuine crisis.

476. David's not here, Nate's camping.

477. I'm going to need your help.

478. Would you mind asking your friend too, please?

479. Stay here.

480. Claire, please. Go get your friend right now.

481. Ruth, wait right here. I'll be right back.

482. You have a friend in the house?

483. The boy with the tattoo?

484. Another one.

485. I'm not bringing him down here.

486. Russell, you really don't need to be here.

487. - Yes, he does. - I'm cool. Hello, Mrs. Fisher.

488. Oh, I know you. How nice to see you again, Russell.

489. Dead weight is the hardest kind of weight to move.

490. I'm going to need the strength of everyone here.

491. Just tell me what to do.

492. We don't have much time.

493. His facial cartilage is collapsing as we speak.

494. Our first concern is rolling our friend over here onto the board.

495. On the count of three.

496. One... two... three.

497. Well done.

498. He doesn't look too bad.

499. Now, I want you to position yourself at a corner.

500. - Is this corner okay? - Yeah.

501. We're going to lift the board onto the gurney so I can get it downstairs.

502. On the count of three, give it everything you've got.

503. Everything! Lift with your legs.

504. One, two, three, lift!

505. Oh...

506. I guess that didn't work.

507. Okay.

508. I'm starting to get a little freaked out now.

509. Just a little.

510. Claire, I'm sorry I raised you around so much death

511. and that your friend had to see this.

512. Yep.

513. The craniofacial work is a little tricky,

514. but I'll do what I can before you arrive in the morning.

515. Ahem... of course, I'll wait for your assistance before I hoist.

516. Yes, I think that's a good idea.

517. And again, Federico, I am so sorry about what happened.

518. No, it couldn't have happened to anyone.

519. I shouldn't have let it happen on my watch.

520. I'm sorry.

521. Okay.

522. Sorry. Sorry.

523. Well...

524. I think I'm going up to make some hot cocoa.

525. Would you like to join me for a cup?

526. Thank you, but this requires my immediate attention.

527. I suspect I'll be pulling an all-nighter.

528. I can bring it down to you.

529. Chocolate makes me queasy.

530. Okay, then.

531. - Tea? - No, really, nothing.

532. Hey... Spence will stay asleep about an hour.

533. But if she wakes up, give her the Thomas the Tank Engine thingy.

534. And we promise, if you guys wanna take a private hike later

535. - we'll watch Maya. - It's only fair.

536. - Fair is fair. - Have fun.

537. Ugh. I hate couples like that.

538. Always letting you know how great their sex life is.

539. Yeah. I think they doth protest a little too much,

540. - you know what I mean? - Like, sex is everything.

541. She's always talking about it like it's the glue.

542. - Right. - But what happens when someone

543. gets throat cancer or diarrhea and you have to see the real person?

544. - Yep. - Then you have to be able to whatever...

545. help them into their electronic cart or make them their vitamin drink

546. and still love them even though no one feels sexy.

547. Yeah, it's about so much more than just...

548. "Todd and I have the greatest sex in the whole world.

549. I just love it when he comes on my tits. "

550. Please.

551. She said that?

552. Okay, I'm ready.

553. You're all knotted up back here.

554. Um-hmm.

555. Yes.

556. Oh, so now you're both going through your blue period.

557. Don't get mad at me, Fisher!

558. If Russell has something to say to me, he can say it.

559. - How's my pressure? - Go deeper.

560. God, why has he suddenly turned into such an asshole?

561. - Just ignore him. - Well, you ignore him, too.

562. Okay? It's just hair. I don't understand what the big deal is.

563. Hey, fuck elephant, termite, whatever.

564. I mean, I already forgot who was the elephant and who was the termite.

565. It's not that. What's the point of trying to humiliate...

566. - I was the elephant. - And why do you even give a shit?

567. Because you're my teacher and I respect you.

568. Don't you fucking respect me.

569. I'm an idiot, see? I'm not God.

570. Don't you ever respect anyone except your fucking self.

571. Fucking babies.

572. - Hey, Mom. - Hello, dear. I washed your sheets.

573. - What's that? - Arthur's handkerchief.

574. You're doing his laundry for him?

575. It must have gotten mixed into my things.

576. - That's gross. - It's just a hanky.

577. I know, and hankies are gross.

578. First of all, the word is gross... "hanky. "

579. - It's just a word. - Second, hankies themselves are gross.

580. A snot-covered rag that sits in your pocket all day.

581. That will be fine!

582. Who knows where the snot is? It could be anywhere.

583. You put it back in your pocket and save it for later.

584. Mom, not all progress is bad. There's Kleenex, hello?

585. I know.

586. Now, you're just trying to be cute.

587. Oh, forgive me... hot.

588. Yes, of course I do.

589. More so now than ever.

590. Mom's vacuuming my room.

591. I gotta go. Okay.

592. Shut up. No, I'm not.

593. I am not. I'm not, stop.

594. I'm hanging up. Goodbye.

595. You and Phil back together?

596. Phil? No, Russell.

597. The gay one?

598. What?

599. Russell, the guy in your room the other day?

600. What makes you think he's gay?

601. Oh, we can smell it on each other.

602. - David! - Let's see... you told me he was?

603. You'd referred to him as "my gay friend Russell," I believe?

604. - Oh... - He's not anymore?

605. No, he never was, I was just confused.

606. Claire, listen.

607. When I was in high school, I dated girls.

608. - We're in college. - And when I was in college,

609. and after college. I didn't know what I was.

610. While I was trying to figure it out I kept going back and forth...

611. You don't get it. There's no back and forth with Russell.

612. He's never been gay. I was just assuming.

613. He has never been gay. He's never even had sex with anyone before me.

614. Okay, my mistake.

615. I can't make a phone call in this fucking house

616. because I don't get cell reception anywhere

617. and my mother's in my fucking room...

618. At what age did you completely stop sleeping with women?

619. I mean, I know when you first slept with that boy,

620. but did you overlap after that?

621. Yeah.

622. There were like 10 years when I wasn't sure,

623. or I was sure, but I didn't want to be sure,

624. and I was with some women pretty seriously.

625. Well, Jennifer.

626. Yeah.

627. I was with a ton of women. I liked fucking women.

628. Yeah, I know, you've told me.

629. What I mean was I did this whole emotional deal with girls...

630. with women. Like...

631. "Honey, I could really think about spending the rest of my life with you.

632. I don't know...

633. buy some land in northern California

634. and build a house, design it ourselves?

635. What about 'Willem' for a boy and 'Coco' for a girl,

636. or 'Willem' and 'Max' if we have twin boys?

637. Or if we have twin girls, 'Coco' and 'Clementine'?"

638. Are you sure they didn't know you were gay?

639. No, they didn't even suspect. They thought I was their man,

640. they looked right back into my eyes.

641. All the while I was just trying that guy on

642. to see if I could make it fit.

643. Oh, yeah!

644. Okay, right there, right there!

645. She's down.

646. Great. You guys wanna take your turn?

647. - No, we're leaving today... - We should pack.

648. You can pack later. Go take the hour.

649. - Go on. - If she wakes up...

650. She'll be fine. Go, guys. Have fun.

651. What do you say?

652. She can't come, you know.

653. - Really? - Really.

654. Pretty.

655. Yeah.

656. Do you want to...?

657. No, not really.

658. I'd be afraid to take my clothes off.

659. Something could crawl on me.

660. We're not really Todd and Dana, are we?

661. What's that supposed to mean?

662. I was just acknowledging, I guess,

663. that the reasons we're together aren't the same as...

664. Say it.

665. What? There's nothing to say.

666. Say it, Nate. Why are you even with me?

667. - What are you even here for? - You mean on this trip? What?

668. Why did you marry me? You think Maya and I need you?

669. You don't want this. I mean, you want your daughter,

670. - but you don't want me, do you? - Jesus, I can't say anything!

671. You can't say hurtful things, no. And it's totally hurtful to suggest

672. - we're only together because of Maya. - I'm not trying to hurt you, okay?

673. That was me thinking something, opening my mouth.

674. Say it... you know how friends do? In order for me to do that with you,

675. - that would mean you'd have to like me. - Oh, that's stupid.

676. No, it's not. Think about it... the second I say something

677. that doesn't fit into your fucking fairytale idea of...

678. Hey, this is no fairy tale, that I know.

679. You made up this story and cast me in this role.

680. You cast yourself in that role.

681. Making the mother of my child happy is a role? I don't think so, okay?

682. But you have this narrow path I can walk on, where I'm on your leash!

683. No smoking, two beers a night,

684. no smoking pot without prior written approval!

685. - Smoke your fucking lungs out! - I don't give a shit about smoking!

686. I give a shit about being myself.

687. About saying what I need to say or even what I accidentally say

688. and not have you fuckin' freak out on me, okay?

689. I'm sorry, then.

690. Fuck.

691. I'm sorry.

692. Kiss me.

693. What? No...

694. Honey, I want to get better at this.

695. Help me, okay?

696. Take your jeans off.

697. - Uh... - Take 'em off.

698. - Here? - Yeah.

699. Lie down on that rock.

700. That rock is hard and cold.

701. Lay down on that.

702. Close your eyes.

703. I wanna fuck you on this rock.

704. But first... I'm gonna make you scream,

705. so that everybody back at camp can hear you.

706. And then... when you're exhausted,

707. and you're laying here, coming down,

708. I'm going to fuck you...

709. right here... on this rock.

710. There were a couple of times back in Seattle

711. when we had sex like that.

712. Once when you came home from some party

713. at that costume designer's house who worked for Seattle Rep...

714. what was her name?

715. - Tessa. - Right.

716. She had just broken it off with you and you were so drunk and pissed.

717. And you came home and we ended up having

718. the most amazing sex I'd ever had in my life.

719. The other time was the night

720. after you ran the marathon for the first time.

721. Yeah.

722. And that girl you met from Portland was supposed to come over and celebrate...

723. but she never showed up.

724. Lise, that's all behind us.

725. I know. I'm...

726. It's nice now...

727. that it's just us.

728. I love you, Nate.

729. God, I've loved you for such a long time.

730. I love you too, honey.