Six Feet Under 3x4

1. Let me see...

2. - let me see what's in the... - You gimme that!

3. Now you know, Mother. I'm a gypsy!

4. I'm in the road company of "42nd Street"!

5. And my feet are gigantic!

6. You hit him with the shoes, didn't you?

7. - Well duh, bitch! - You hit him with the shoes,

8. that's how he got those half-moon marks on his forehead and on his hands.

9. What about those cigarette burns on his ass?

10. Answer me!

11. - Mommy, you need to go on Prozac. - And fast.

12. I had to hit him with the shoes, what else could I do?

13. Flog him with those braids?

14. But it was his fault.

15. If he gave me the medal like I told him to,

16. I wouldn't have hit him.

17. That still doesn't explain why you fucked him.

18. All right, now we're going to start at the beginning

19. and you're going to tell me the truth.

20. I know you killed him, so there's no sense lying.

21. Rhoda, I want you to tell me the truth!

22. The truth? You're too old to be my mommy!

23. - Socialism is a better system! - You're a man!

24. How can I be a man when my girdle hurts this much?

25. I don't know, ask Charles Pierce!

26. I found him there, and I told him

27. I'd hit him with my shoe if he didn't give me the medal!

28. Oh, Mommy, Mommy, please say you won't let them hurt me!

29. Honey, you just killed 'em all anyway.

30. I don't know what must be done now,

31. but I promise you nobody will hurt you.

32. I want to play the way we used to, Mommy.

33. Will you play with me?

34. Not unless you pay me first, you little freak.

35. If I give you a basket of kisses...

36. No discounts for family!

37. - Please... - Can't you give me an answer?

38. Hey, Lise. You awake?

39. And now from Baghdad...

40. Can you run by Whole Foods and pick up

41. six mahi-mahi filets for tomorrow?

42. Six?

43. Yeah, I'm making dinner for your mom's birthday.

44. She told you not to do that.

45. Just because someone tells you not to do something

46. doesn't mean they don't want you to do it.

47. Maybe your mother likes people to go out of their way for her birthday,

48. but trust me,

49. my mother never wants us to do anything for hers,

50. and we never do.

51. So far that's worked out great for everyone.

52. Do you think she'd like Sarah McLachlan?

53. It's a party. We have to have music.

54. Play whatever you want. Don't come to me when it blows up in your face.

55. Nothing's gonna blow up in my face, Nate.

56. This is important. I want to do something for your mom,

57. now with us living here and all.

58. Okay. Just...

59. keep your expectations low is all I'm saying.

60. Companies were forced to restrict how they market cigarettes in the US...

61. Lisa called while you were in the shower.

62. She wants us to come over for dinner tomorrow night.

63. I thought it was our turn to invite them.

64. No, she's throwing a birthday party for your mom.

65. Who does she think she is? My mother does not like anything for her birthday.

66. Come on, your mom deserves a party.

67. You want to go?

68. What else are we gonna do? Stay home and watch porn?

69. Which reminds me, you gotta return "The Gaytrix" to Video West.

70. Somebody want to tell me why I should give a rat's ass

71. what's in Salma Hayek's purse?

72. - You are something else, Fisher. - I'm sorry?

73. It's your fucking birthday. You're gonna spend it in the dentist's office?

74. I can't just ignore my oral hygiene.

75. And I'm celebrating my birthday. There'll be a party tomorrow.

76. You betcha there'll be a party. I'll make sure of that,

77. even if I have to spike the punch with LSD.

78. - Bettina, don't, please. - Speaking of LSD,

79. your sister called me last night from Hazelden.

80. How is Sarah doing? She won't return my calls.

81. She's become best friends with someone very famous,

82. but she won't tell me who it is.

83. All she'll say is it's somebody who fucked Michael Douglas.

84. Okay, this is not what I had in mind when I said I'd spend the day with you.

85. Excuse me.

86. My friend had an appointment to get her teeth cleaned at 11:00.

87. It's almost noon.

88. Our technician is running a little late today.

89. How much longer, you think?

90. I can't really say.

91. - Oh, you can't, huh? - No.

92. You're gonna have to wait your turn like everyone else.

93. - What's your name? - Patty.

94. Hi, Patty, I'm Bettina.

95. I have another question for you, Patty.

96. - Yes? - I can understand having to wait.

97. What I can't understand is your need to be

98. such a condescending asshole to someone

99. - who is a fellow human being. - I don't have to listen to this...

100. - Do you really think you're so special? - Bettina...

101. Or are you pissed off because your life sucks?

102. - I'm so sorry. - I hate to break it to you, honey,

103. - but it's not our fault! - Let's go. I'll call to reschedule.

104. Dennis recommended you.

105. - From Chorus? - Yes.

106. I'm a member, too.

107. I haven't been very active the past year since Bob got sick.

108. It wasn't AIDS.

109. Even though we both fucked like bunnies during the '70s.

110. We buried half our friends.

111. We thought we'd been spared and we'd grow old together.

112. Such hubris.

113. - I'm so sorry. - It was cardiomyopathy...

114. enlarged heart.

115. His heart was too big. We used to joke about it.

116. It was caused by a severely leaking heart valve.

117. We used to joke about that too...

118. "bleeding heart. "

119. Have any other members of his family been contacted?

120. I called his sister in Phoenix, but she's not coming.

121. His family was never very

122. accepting of... things.

123. Bob and I were together for 22 years,

124. so I'm his family.

125. We have durable power of attorney.

126. I'll have our lawyer fax it to you.

127. I'm sorry we have to ask you for that.

128. I'm a scenic designer for the Los Angeles Lyric Opera.

129. Bob was the lighting designer.

130. I was told that you would be more open

131. to accommodating certain requests?

132. You gotta be kidding me. A fucking opera?

133. He just wants to design a set and rig some special lighting.

134. How long is this gonna take?

135. They're gonna need the slumber room for two days.

136. No way, we could have three funerals.

137. Apparently he's willing to pay for it.

138. - For a fucking opera? - Yes, Federico.

139. Huh.

140. You know, Vanessa's cousin won opera tickets once from KUSC

141. and she gave them to us.

142. It was so completely whacked.

143. There was like this magic mirror, you know,

144. and a dead swan, and this bleeding spear...

145. - "Parsifal. " - Yeah!

146. And they had these "flower chicks"

147. who were supposed to be hot, you know?

148. They were all like major wide loads.

149. And these lame-ass knights who were prancing around

150. singing at the top of their lungs, you know?

151. It was just so, so fucking...

152. - "Gay"? - I was gonna say "stupid. "

153. Bullshit, you don't want to do this funeral.

154. - You think it's too gay. - That's not what I was gonna say...

155. We're doing it and that's final.

156. These guys were together for 22 years.

157. We're going to show them the respect they deserve.

158. Hey.

159. You gotta be kidding me.

160. You've never had a massage before?

161. No.

162. Where have you been living, under a rock?

163. Ugh!

164. Lighten up, sister, this is her first time on the table.

165. Oh no, what you're doing is just fine, dear.

166. Nikolai was always trying to get me to come here.

167. - Why didn't you? - I don't know. I was afraid.

168. I think if you're afraid of something it probably means you should do it.

169. I don't usually like being touched by strangers,

170. but, this is...

171. invigorating.

172. It's mandatory.

173. I started getting a massage every week

174. after I caught my second husband cheating on me.

175. Oh...

176. Hey, I'm not a porcelain butterfly.

177. You want a tip or not?

178. I cheated on my husband.

179. - No way. - It's true.

180. With my hairdresser.

181. He was the one who first took me hiking.

182. Way to go, Fisher.

183. I cheated on number two,

184. but only after I knew he was cheating on me.

185. That's fair.

186. I even slept with his gastroenterologist.

187. - Ooh...! - For some reason

188. I thought that would really hurt him, he just laughed at me.

189. I will always hate him for that.

190. That asshole.

191. I still feel guilty for cheating on Nathaniel.

192. Hey, you gotta let go of that.

193. It's done. Move on.

194. Whoo...

195. Ah-hh...

196. Careful.

197. Put it in there. Just make sure it doesn't lean against the wall, okay?

198. Thanks.

199. I thought Puccini was Italian.

200. He is, but "Turandot" takes place in China.

201. Huh.

202. It's big.

203. Kevin obviously needs something to pour himself into,

204. to take his mind off such an incomprehensible loss.

205. It was Puccini's last opera, you know.

206. He died before he got a chance to finish it.

207. Bob was much more of a formalist than I am,

208. but I think he would've liked it.

209. I know he would have liked that.

210. Jesus, you could serve breakfast on that ass.

211. If Bob were here, he'd be all over that boy like white on rice,

212. and I guarantee you he'd have him in bed before nightfall.

213. I swear,

214. he could charm the pants off of any man alive,

215. and he usually did.

216. I was never as lucky as he was in that department,

217. but at least he liked to share.

218. Eric, you'll have to make sure those risers are flush,

219. all right?

220. Well, that's one way to grieve.

221. How did they ever last 22 years?

222. It's easy when you get to fuck whoever you want the whole time.

223. There you go.

224. - Hand me that Makita. - Here.

225. So were you guys a couple or just hanging out?

226. Well, I thought we were a couple,

227. but he thought we were hanging out.

228. He was squirrelly, wasn't he?

229. Yeah, totally.

230. Nate used to be like that.

231. Sometimes you have to hang in there and wait.

232. Wait for what?

233. For them to grow up.

234. If I had known he was gonna be such a jerk,

235. I would never have slept with him in that crematorium.

236. Okay, put me to work.

237. - Ruth, no, it's your night off. - I much prefer to be busy.

238. Mom, you should've told me this party was gonna be such a big deal.

239. - I could've tried to change my plans. - I won't hear of it.

240. You're not gonna be here?

241. I've got to go to this guest artist lecture series.

242. It's Scott Philip Smith.

243. He's this really radical artist

244. with death threats against him.

245. - He's very political. - It's your mother's birthday.

246. Don't be silly. You go ahead.

247. This isn't going to be my last birthday.

248. I'll totally make it up to you.

249. Ruth, would you prefer curried chickpeas or chickpea croquettes?

250. Oh, chickpeas give me gas.

251. This is an unusually gassy family.

252. But you know what? I love chickpeas anyway and this is my birthday.

253. So you decide, you're the chef.

254. - That's such a lovely dress. - Thank you.

255. Here. I'd hate it if you got something on it.

256. Oh, too late. Maya spit up on it last time I wore it.

257. Isn't that funny? I think all my dresses had spit-up on them.

258. - There you go. - Thank you.

259. Has the party started yet?

260. - Hi, honey. - Hello, dear.

261. One, two, three.

262. Hello.

263. Oh, Kevin never mentioned this.

264. I mean...

265. a tongue stud I can sort of understand,

266. but this... that's gotta hurt.

267. Not to mention getting it, you know, installed.

268. So, is that supposed to enhance pleasure? And for who?

269. Apparently it worked for Queen Victoria.

270. - Come again? - It's called a "Prince Albert. "

271. She liked him to wear tight pants.

272. The ring was attached by a strap to his thigh,

273. thus enabling a smooth trouser line.

274. How do you know all this stuff?

275. I read a lot.

276. Yeah, right.

277. You know what I've been noticing a lot lately?

278. A lot of guys coming in with their balls shaved.

279. What's that all about?

280. Actually, it makes them more sensitive.

281. You know, for oral stimulation?

282. Besides, no one likes getting pubic hair stuck in their teeth.

283. Do you want to ask me if I shave my balls?

284. - Uh, no, not really. - No, I'm happy to tell you.

285. I am and I do shave... have to.

286. Lot of hair down there. Keith doesn't... have to.

287. Anything else you want to know? Now is the time.

288. Nope, I'm good.

289. In 1982, Ronald Reagan's deregulation of the nation's mental hospitals

290. left thousands of former inpatients homeless.

291. I believe these incapacitated victims of greed

292. deserved to voice their dissent, so...

293. I spent two nights roaming the streets of New York City

294. in the dead of winter, asking them

295. to wipe their asses with this flag.

296. When this piece was unveiled, a group of "patriots"

297. ripped it from the walls of the Whitney Museum,

298. took it to the streets and burned it.

299. I was able to motivate these right-wing assholes

300. into actually burning an American flag.

301. Now this is what I consider to be the highlight of my career.

302. What did you think?

303. - I think he's amazing. - Amazing?

304. He's so like unafraid, and committed to what he believes in.

305. Hmm.

306. You should meet him. Come on.

307. Stop hitting on my students, you overrated piece of shit.

308. Bite my ass, you Nazi prick.

309. Scott, I'd like you to meet Claire Fisher

310. and Russell Corwin, two very promising first-years.

311. It's a real honor to meet you, sir.

312. Totally.

313. Do yourselves a favor and give up now,

314. unless you're willing to live as outlaws,

315. because this is culture where art is not only a dirty word,

316. it's a fucking crime. Now, I'm starving,

317. I'm thirsty, and more importantly, I am your guest.

318. Why don't you two join us?

319. Seriously?

320. Claire, an artist never questions her right

321. to experience everything the world has to offer.

322. Never.

323. Okay.

324. Maybe we can do as much damage tonight as we did in Antwerp.

325. I hope you've got better health insurance this time.

326. - Okay, I'm officially scared. - Don't let them see that.

327. Oh, no, that's my... that's the "good-good" china.

328. - Yes. - We never use the good-good china.

329. Then what's it for?

330. But we hardly ever use the good china.

331. Do you want me to put this back and use the good china?

332. If that isn't the good china, what is it?

333. The good-good china.

334. What the hell. Let's use the good-good china for once in my lifetime.

335. Yippee.

336. Bettina, this is my daughter-in-law Lisa.

337. - Hi. - I've heard a lot about you.

338. Oh, don't worry, it's all good.

339. She likes you a hell of a lot better than the one before you.

340. Hey Fisher, happy birthday.

341. Goodness, Bettina, you didn't have to do this.

342. Don't even think about returning it, okay?

343. Because there's no receipt, if you catch my drift.

344. - Come on, we have to move this table. - Why?

345. - 'Cause we're gonna dance. - Oh, heavens no.

346. We don't dance in this family.

347. Ruth Fisher, we're going to celebrate you tonight

348. whether you like it or not. Now put on your new clothes.

349. All right, thank you.

350. Help me move it up against the window.

351. Shouldn't we wait until after dinner?

352. Oh, hell honey, I'll be too wasted by then.

353. I brought some music. I hope you weren't planning

354. on listening to this Lilith Fair crap all night long.

355. Ready? One, two, three.

356. No asshole, being an artist is not about being right all the time.

357. Being an artist is resigning oneself to a life of masochism.

358. Okay, okay. Just answer me this,

359. - why are you an artist? - Because I'm angry!

360. Ugh! Disgusting!

361. What do you have to be angry about? You and your fucking grants.

362. I don't use that money to make art. I give it away.

363. Yes, but everybody knows that it was your shit on the flag,

364. because you were too fucking scared to actually go there!

365. You're pissed because you have nothing original to say. You never did!

366. No, you latch onto politics because you have nothing original to say!

367. There is nothing original to say. It's all been said before!

368. Go to Hollywood then! That is so pathetic!

369. That is so fucking American.

370. Is there anything more infuriating than the moral vanity of Eurotrash?

371. Fuck you.

372. Welcome to EPCOT, kids. I would rip your dick off

373. and force-feed it to you if I didn't think you would like it so much!

374. - Fantastic rage! - Arrgh!

375. I so fucking love you, you stupid, bald peasant.

376. So prove it. Buy us another round.

377. And why are you an artist?

378. Um, because...

379. because I have...

380. a lot of pain.

381. Good.

382. Good. Pain is good for an artist.

383. Bullshit, bullshit.

384. Adolescent romanticism, "All artists must suffer. "

385. God, you are fucking beautiful!

386. Your skin is like Carrera marble.

387. Is this young man your lover?

388. No.

389. Why the hell not?

390. Maybe Russell doesn't think she's beautiful.

391. I think she's very beautiful.

392. And why are you an artist?

393. Because I don't have a fucking choice.

394. If I can't create art, I don't want to live.

395. Attaboy.

396. Why do you validate these infantile notions?

397. I'll tell you why, because you want them to love you.

398. Because I want them to trust their own vision.

399. Something which you have none of, arriviste.

400. - And you want them to love you. - Can I get you anything else?

401. My friend will have a shot of ouzo

402. with a big dollop of shit in it.

403. And our room opened directly out onto the pool.

404. And the dregs of humanity, from the looks of it.

405. And that's the Sunday smorgasbord brunch.

406. They come for the breakfast burrito

407. and the free shuttle to the outlet mall.

408. I've never really understood the concept of a breakfast burrito.

409. Okay, so where are all the x-rated ones? You leave those at home?

410. You gotta go on the Internet and pay $9.99 a month for those.

411. Poor David always looked so funny in a bathing suit.

412. I do not look funny in a bathing suit.

413. Actually, you do.

414. - She asleep? - Yeah, finally.

415. You, on the other hand, do not look funny.

416. Bettina!

417. What? I'm just flirting.

418. You're barking up the wrong tree, lady.

419. - Who wants coffee? - For God's sake, Lisa.

420. Would you stop waiting on us? Come on, sit down.

421. You deserve a break after that scrumptious meal.

422. This is David in front of the Geoffrey Beene Outlet Mall.

423. Oh my God.

424. Now, I get the attraction.

425. Yeah, he's a hottie.

426. Oh, I almost forgot.

427. - Happy birthday. - Oh, dear.

428. - You really shouldn't have. - Ruth, shut up.

429. It's just a little something I thought of at the last minute.

430. "For my mother-in-law on her special day,

431. this coupon is redeemable for one free foot massage.

432. - Love, Lisa. " - Nice.

433. Ooh!

434. - What happened to the bath salts? - It felt so impersonal.

435. - Can I have it now? - You want it now?

436. Yes, please! I love massages!

437. - Since when? - Since yesterday!

438. - Please? - You wanna go into the sun porch?

439. Maybe it'll be more comfortable.

440. Come on! Maybe we'll all end up naked.

441. Well, I wouldn't bet on that.

442. - I would. - Does this party seem weird to you?

443. On a scale of one to 10?

444. 90.

445. So, what do you really think of his work?

446. Um...

447. - I like parts of it. - Not really, though.

448. It's kind of "on the nose. "

449. It's way too on the nose.

450. Good.

451. Because every nasty thing I said to him earlier

452. was the absolute truth.

453. And every flattering thing was a lie.

454. You didn't say too much that was flattering.

455. You are a brilliant artist, Claire.

456. The piece you did last week in studio

457. was better than anything Smith has done in the last 10 years.

458. - Really? - Absolutely.

459. But you, Russell...

460. you're gonna be successful beyond your wildest dreams.

461. You honestly think so?

462. Would I lie to you?

463. I might.

464. But who gives a fuck?

465. The world is gonna love you.

466. That's why, no matter what, you cannot care what other people think.

467. I don't care what other people think.

468. Phony baloney, caca shit.

469. Everybody your age cares about what other people think.

470. You don't even know what you think yourself.

471. I have to pee.

472. I'm serious about you, Claire.

473. Russell is good, he's gonna make a lot of money.

474. But you... your talent is epic.

475. It's like the tail of a comet.

476. - You can change the world. - Oh, shut up.

477. Oh God.

478. I'm so envious of you.

479. You see the world with your own eyes.

480. Do you know what a rare and precious gift that is?

481. No.

482. And God created beauty

483. and then he retired.

484. Promise me you'll do great things in your life.

485. - Nothing less. - Er...

486. Promise me!

487. I promise.

488. All right. Let's get out of here

489. and leave that imbecile with the tab.

490. Oh my God, that feels unbelievably good.

491. I have strong hands.

492. Oh, right there, that's the spot.

493. How come you never give me a foot massage?

494. Because your feet stink.

495. - They do not. - You get that from your father.

496. How come you never give me a foot massage?

497. Because you never ask.

498. This is really weird.

499. I just remembered this dream I had...

500. about a month ago, I guess.

501. I was getting a foot massage,

502. and you all know I have extremely ticklish feet.

503. And you were all there. I mean, not you, Bettina,

504. and not you, Keith... no offense, but everyone else.

505. You were there and Lisa and David and Claire...

506. anyway, there I am getting this foot massage.

507. I can't remember who was giving it to me.

508. It may have been...

509. I think it may have been Dad.

510. Oh yeah, and I'm holding Maya and she's slippery and squirming like a pig.

511. Oh...! Ooh!

512. She's squirming like a pig, and then what?

513. I don't remember the rest of it,

514. except that...

515. I could never find my shoes.

516. I read somewhere that every person

517. in your dream is actually you.

518. I'm gonna go check on the baby.

519. Did you know there are more bones in the feet

520. than there are in the rest of the entire body?

521. I didn't know that...

522. but now that you say it, I totally believe it.

523. Thank you, dear.

524. That's the nicest thing anyone's done for me in a very long time.

525. It was my pleasure. It's my little way of saying

526. thank you for letting us live here.

527. Well, of course. You're family.

528. Okay, nobody touches anything.

529. I love it.

530. Oh my. It's very large.

531. I've always wanted to see the Great Wall of China.

532. So have I. We should go!

533. So, what the hell is this?

534. The scenic designer for L. A. Lyric Opera

535. created this for the funeral of his lover.

536. - It figures. - What figures?

537. Only a gay man would build a fucking opera set

538. for his lover's funeral.

539. I think it cheapens their whole relationship.

540. Oh, don't be such a snob. It's sweet.

541. You better be prepared to build me something like this when I go.

542. Something involving Steve McQueen on a motorcycle?

543. Yeah, and an entire POW barracks. Get over here.

544. What?

545. Oh, come on. Why don't you loosen up?

546. - It's unbelievable. - It's made out of wood.

547. What'd I miss?

548. You and... me and Lisa

549. are going on vacation to China together!

550. Me, me, me, me too! Me too, can I come?

551. Baby, are you drunk?

552. It's okay, I have like four days' worth of milk in the freezer.

553. Why did you change your shirt?

554. I spilled something on the other one.

555. You're such a klutz, but you're my klutz.

556. You smell like Listerine.

557. Oh, yeah, yeah.

558. I'm dying!

559. His name was Simon Rodia

560. and he spent 33 years working on them.

561. When he felt they were finished,

562. he gave the deed to his house to a neighbor,

563. packed up and moved away.

564. Wow. They're amazing.

565. He put everything into them...

566. whatever he'd find on his way walking to and from work...

567. steel rods, seashells, pottery, glass,

568. old boots, corncobs.

569. He must've been out of his mind.

570. He was a construction worker,

571. but he was a real artist.

572. And all real artists are out of their mind.

573. Yeah? You think so?

574. Look at Olivier and Scott Smith.

575. Yeah.

576. Van Gogh cut off an ear.

577. - It's so weird. - What?

578. I mean, every single person at our school

579. thinks they're going to be successful, right?

580. Otherwise they wouldn't even be doing this.

581. Yeah.

582. But what is "success"?

583. Is it just money, or fame,

584. or is it like the critics loving you,

585. or is it you knowing you've done good work,

586. or what?

587. God...

588. I mean, this is a fucking masterpiece,

589. but maybe the guy who made it just thought it was shit,

590. and now no one even knows his name.

591. Simon Rodia.

592. God, I feel like such a phony.

593. Why? You're fucking brilliant.

594. Because I can't imagine ever being this dedicated

595. or this consumed by anything.

596. Maybe you just haven't found whatever it is

597. that's worth cutting off an ear for.

598. I would never cut off my fucking ear.

599. Never.

600. Van Gogh did it for love.

601. He did it because he was totally insane.

602. Well, it's only an ear.

603. It's not like he couldn't hear out of it.

604. There was still a hole there.

605. It's almost 2:00.

606. Oh my God.

607. I'm not even tired, are you?

608. No.

609. Party pooper.

610. How come you're not upstairs embarrassing yourself

611. with everybody else?

612. I don't know...

613. Want a little time to yourself?

614. I know this great little Indian restaurant in Hollywood.

615. The owner'll give you the room upstairs.

616. All you have to do is bury his wife for free.

617. Yeah? I'm not quite there yet.

618. Won't be long.

619. You're a funeral director, which you never wanted to be,

620. just like your old man. You married a woman you knocked up

621. because you thought it was the right thing to do...

622. just like your old man.

623. You want one?

624. - No thanks. - So when you wake up,

625. you'll throw away that pack you already have?

626. Probably.

627. I'm not you!

628. You just keep telling yourself that.

629. I'm not shut down!

630. I'm not 500 fucking million miles away!

631. I haven't given up!

632. I love my family.

633. Buddy boy...

634. you think I would've stuck around

635. if I didn't love mine?

636. Check this out.

637. "'Ambiguous Figure Between Curtains' by Olivier Castro-Staal. "

638. That is so intense.

639. It's part of the permanent collection

640. of the Contemporary Arts Center in Cincinnati.

641. It reminds me of Frances Bacon a little.

642. Mmm. Oh my God.

643. He was only 20 when he made this.

644. That means we have like a year to produce something this good.

645. I think it's really cool that you live in a funeral home.

646. Believe me, it's not.

647. Are you kidding? I'm jealous.

648. It's totally weird...

649. and excellent and perfect

650. for when they write your biography.

651. I'm not gay, you know.

652. - What? - I'm not... gay.

653. Who said anything about you being gay?

654. Well, you thought I was.

655. Most people think I am, but I'm not.

656. Okay.

657. And I don't even know what it is,

658. guys hit on me all the fucking time.

659. It's probably because you're hot.

660. You think I'm hot?

661. I do.

662. Really?

663. Usually I get a "He's cute. "

664. No, you're way more than cute.

665. - I am? - Definitely.

666. So, you didn't think I was gay?

667. I thought you might be.

668. Well, I'm not.

669. I think we've just established that.

670. Okay.

671. I lit it exactly the way Bob would have.

672. I always needed his lighting to make me look good.

673. Thank you all for joining me today in celebrating Bob's life.

674. We're all so lucky to have experienced

675. the joy of knowing him.

676. And I'm not just referring to the joy

677. of knowing him biblically,

678. although a lot of you here have experienced that as well.

679. I know, because I was there.

680. I never thought

681. that I'd be in a relationship at all.

682. I thought I didn't have what it takes.

683. That no one could possibly love me enough

684. to... stick around.

685. But Bob did.

686. He stuck around.

687. And so did I.

688. And for 22 years...

689. we shared our hearts...

690. our bodies...

691. our souls.

692. It wasn't always easy...

693. it wasn't always fun.

694. But it was always worth it.

695. I don't know what I did in a previous life,

696. but to quote Julie Andrews as Maria von Trapp,

697. "It must have been something good"...

698. because I've been rewarded a thousandfold in this life.

699. How was the funeral?

700. It was pretty great actually,

701. as far as funerals go.

702. Yeah, I could hear the singing from here.

703. That guy had an amazing voice.

704. Do you think your mother had fun last night?

705. Are you kidding me?

706. I haven't seen her that happy in...

707. well, maybe ever.

708. That was a really great thing you did, honey.

709. I'm really proud of you.

710. And I'm really proud of us.

711. - For what? - For making this work.

712. For being present, for showing up each day.

713. For being committed to being a family.

714. Is it that hard for you?

715. - No, of course not... - I thought this was what you wanted.

716. - It is what I want. - Are you sure?

717. - Of course. - I mean, totally sure?

718. 100% absolutely, no doubts whatsoever?

719. I'm sure.

720. Oh God, Nate. I love you so much it terrifies me.

721. Do you think you might be able to run by Whole Foods

722. - for me sometime tonight? - I'll go right now.

723. - You will? - Yeah.

724. The list is on the fridge in the main house.

725. Okay.

726. I won't be long.

727. So how do you know Dennis Maralani?

728. When he isn't spraypainting walls or jumping off the pier,

729. he's president of Green Earth.

730. One of the founders of Green Earth in the '80s.

731. - You're home early. - Am I?

732. How was your day?

733. It was okay. How was yours?

734. The usual.

735. Hey, what's wrong?

736. I want...

737. I want us to last.

738. I want us to stay together.

739. Okay.

740. I just want it to be worth it.

741. Okay.

742. How was your birthday party?

743. You know what?

744. I thought it was going to be awful,

745. but it was truly one of the finest evenings I ever spent.

746. Wow. I'm sorry I missed it.

747. Lisa gave me a foot massage.

748. It was heavenly.

749. I got a little tipsy, we danced.

750. Okay, I'm really sorry I missed it.

751. I saved you a piece of birthday cake. It's in the fridge.

752. - Thanks. - How was your guest artist lecture?

753. Oh, it was...

754. actually, it was truly

755. one of the finest evenings I've ever spent.

756. We went out afterwards... me, Russell and our teacher

757. and this artist, and...

758. I'm not even sure what happened,

759. but I had this glimpse of what might be possible,

760. and for whatever reason, the world seemed

761. really open and interesting

762. and not totally screwed up

763. and... I don't know, I don't know.

764. I just felt really happy.

765. Mom, would you like to go to a museum with me today?

766. I would love nothing more.

767. - Should I make lunch first? - No, let's go out.

768. We can go to Neddie's. It'll be my treat for your birthday.

769. Well, thank you, Claire.

770. I was just gonna put this table back where it was.

771. Do you want me to help?

772. No, we can do it later.