1. - I am such a fucking idiot!
- No.Copy !req
2. - I should've dumped him years ago.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
3. - I feel 20 pounds lighter.
- More like 180 pounds.Copy !req
4. - What do you think he's doing tonight?
- Oh, he's fucking his little grad student.Copy !req
5. Thinking he's king of the world.Copy !req
6. God, I wish I knew who invented Viagra.
So I could shoot him.Copy !req
7. - I'll drink to that.
- Hear, hear.Copy !req
8. Oh, shit! Oh, shit, it fell down my shirt!
Hold this, hold this, I have an idea.Copy !req
9. Wait. Driver. Hey, driver.Copy !req
10. Take us to Miyagi's, okay?
Because I feel like dancing.Copy !req
11. Look what I found.Copy !req
12. Oh, promise me,
no dancing on the tables tonight.Copy !req
13. You just open this.Copy !req
14. Hold it. Hold it.Copy !req
15. - Come on.
- Come back down, honey.Copy !req
16. - Come on.
- I'm king of the world!Copy !req
17. I'm king of the world.
I'm king of the world!Copy !req
18. This is how you study
for the funeral director's license?Copy !req
19. You must really like wearing a suit.Copy !req
20. There's always a chance
we might get a walk-in.Copy !req
21. There's always a chance
we might get abducted by aliens.Copy !req
22. What's the longest we've ever gone
without a body?Copy !req
23. I remember Dad saying something
like nine days during the '84 Olympics.Copy !req
24. "The great drought of '84."Copy !req
25. Dad used to do Walter Brennan:
"Come on, little Luke...Copy !req
26. let's stitch this dead guy up
because Ma's made a mess of catfish...Copy !req
27. and I'm powerful hungry."Copy !req
28. Okay, well, thank you
for making me feel like an idiot.Copy !req
29. No, I just... You knew
a whole side of Dad I never did.Copy !req
30. Nine days, huh?
We just might beat that.Copy !req
31. "When a family places money
in a funeral trust for a pre-need...Copy !req
32. how much money can the funeral home
use for other purposes...Copy !req
33. until the family
requires your services?"Copy !req
34. Fifty percent.Copy !req
35. - Twenty-five percent?
- Zero, none.Copy !req
36. I knew that.Copy !req
37. - Hello?
- Hey, it's me,Copy !req
38. It's about time. I've been calling you
for six days straight.Copy !req
39. Yeah, I've been Incredibly busy.
Lots of new clients, sorry.Copy !req
40. - How's Billy?
- Better.Copy !req
41. It only happens once a year, you know?
Twice at the most.Copy !req
42. - So when can I see you?
- I don't know, Tuesday?Copy !req
43. - Is he staying with you?
- Yeah, just for a few more days.Copy !req
44. Listen, I gotta go. I'll call you, okay?
I promise.Copy !req
45. We think we're weird,
being undertakers' kids?Copy !req
46. Be thankful our parents weren't shrinks.Copy !req
47. "How many days does a family have
to cancel a contract for services?"Copy !req
48. I get sick of this bizarre behavior
I'm supposed to figure out.Copy !req
49. - She's pissed when I can't. It's neurotic!
- Would you concentrate on this, please?Copy !req
50. You need to get your license
so you can handle your share of things.Copy !req
51. - "How many days...?"
- Three days.Copy !req
52. It's not exactly the California bar, David.
Come on. Make me earn it.Copy !req
53. "When a funeral home
advertises their services...Copy !req
54. which two pieces of information are
legally required on all advertisements?"Copy !req
55. I'd start with some heavy-duty
armature material and plaster of Paris.Copy !req
56. Mastic compound for her face,
tissue builder and wax for her features.Copy !req
57. I'd finish her off with a good sealer.
She'll leak like a garden hose.Copy !req
58. A little airbrushing and a high-quality
foundation and she's good to go.Copy !req
59. - How much time would you need?
- At least a day to do it right.Copy !req
60. - The Fishers can spare you for a full day?
- I'm not auditioning for you.Copy !req
61. This is a one-time freelance job
and I use my own materials.Copy !req
62. Kroehner's texturizers, they blow.Copy !req
63. - How much?
- 1500.Copy !req
64. Okay.Copy !req
65. For someone with your talent,
that's a bargain.Copy !req
66. Stop blowing smoke up my ass.
I'm not quitting the Fishers.Copy !req
67. - Mr. F. Put me through school.
- Have her done by 5.Copy !req
68. And she'd better look flawless.Copy !req
69. Don't think about how steep it is.
You've got eight more miles.Copy !req
70. Come on, keep it moving.Copy !req
71. Carlos Castaneda wrote:Copy !req
72. "A warrior takes his lot,
whatever it may be.Copy !req
73. And accepts it in
ultimate humbleness."Copy !req
74. Yeah, well...Copy !req
75. Carlos Castaneda can blow me.Copy !req
76. Tell me about it. Where's the "spiritual
transcendence" part from the brochure?Copy !req
77. This is like fucking boot camp.Copy !req
78. Have l...? Have I thanked you
for getting me high this morning?Copy !req
79. Like 12 times.Copy !req
80. - Just making sure.
- Claire, Topher!Copy !req
81. You're straggling. You know the rules.
The group stays together.Copy !req
82. - Period.
- Jawohl, mein Kommandant,Copy !req
83. I got a new way to make money. We
rent out the slumber room for meetings.Copy !req
84. - Twelve-step groups, that sort of thing.
- Are you insane?Copy !req
85. Drunks and drug addicts
inside our home?Copy !req
86. - The insurance issues alone...
- Then how about senior dance lessons?Copy !req
87. Twice a week at 50 bucks a pop.
That's $5200 a year.Copy !req
88. - That's six months' property tax.
- What if we've got a viewing?Copy !req
89. They work around our schedule.
Old people have nothing else to do.Copy !req
90. They dance here, have fun.
Who gets a call when they drop?Copy !req
91. - That's not a bad idea.
- Good. They're coming here at 2.Copy !req
92. No more comments about me
not pulling my weight for a while, okay?Copy !req
93. Is this a new company policy,
casual Fridays?Copy !req
94. - Nice of you to drop by, it's noon.
- I stayed after 9 last night...Copy !req
95. restocking and sterilizing.
You mean, you didn't check?Copy !req
96. If it's all right with you guys,
I need the day off.Copy !req
97. - Vanessa's got an ultrasound.
- She just had one last week.Copy !req
98. They just want to do another one.Copy !req
99. I think I should be there with her,
don't you?Copy !req
100. - Of course, you could've called.
- I left my jacket in the prep room.Copy !req
101. It's got my wallet, my insurance card,
all that stuff. Thanks, guys.Copy !req
102. Great, once again I'm the asshole
and you're the cool guy.Copy !req
103. You tell him tomorrow
he's cleaning out the body fridge.Copy !req
104. I want it scrubbed, hosed
and disinfected.Copy !req
105. - You tell him.
- It's Fisher & Sons.Copy !req
106. - Sometimes you have to be the bad cop.
- Well, you're so good at it.Copy !req
107. Rico!Copy !req
108. Nate, please. Don't do that.Copy !req
109. I got a lot on my mind
with the ultrasound, you know?Copy !req
110. - David wants you to clean out the...
- The walk-in, I know.Copy !req
111. Your brother's got a bug up his ass
about cleanliness.Copy !req
112. I know. When we used to play G.I. Joes,
he always wanted to give his a shower.Copy !req
113. Yeah, well. I'm running late.Copy !req
114. Where's your jacket?Copy !req
115. Oh, shit! I must've left it at home.Copy !req
116. Told you, man, I got a lot on my mind
from the ultrasound.Copy !req
117. - See you.
- See you.Copy !req
118. Now begins the vision quest
part of our journey.Copy !req
119. Oh, great, now we get to starve
and sweat ourselves...Copy !req
120. into a hallucinogenic state of ecstasy.
- Gonna get harder in the next few days.Copy !req
121. You all know how tough physically.Copy !req
122. Now the mental challenges begin.Copy !req
123. Okay, starting now, you guys lead.
I just follow.Copy !req
124. So I hope, for my sake, you've all
perfected your map and compass skills.Copy !req
125. - Parker.
- Oh, God. Not Parker.Copy !req
126. Which way do we go?Copy !req
127. - That way.
- What are you waiting for? You lead.Copy !req
128. Fucking Girl Scout.Copy !req
129. - Good call, Parker.
- So who do you think plays Parker...Copy !req
130. in the movie of her life?
Sandy Bullock or Julia Roberts?Copy !req
131. Oh, please, she'd never rate that high.Copy !req
132. She'd get like one of those Buffy
or Dawson's Creek chicks, tops.Copy !req
133. - What is that?
- This?Copy !req
134. Khinkali.Copy !req
135. It's like dumpling
with spicy meat inside.Copy !req
136. I cannot believe
you never hear of khinkali.Copy !req
137. You know, you need to go out
from the house more.Copy !req
138. I get out. I took a very enjoyable trip
to San Bernardino just a few weeks ago.Copy !req
139. You should come to my neighborhood.
All Russian. You would love it.Copy !req
140. People with passion, full of life.
Not like your family.Copy !req
141. - What do you mean?
- Russians speak from here.Copy !req
142. From the heart, with their souls. Not like
Fisher, from here, like a little mouse...Copy !req
143. Not like that.Copy !req
144. If it's so wonderful in Russia,
you should take the first flight back.Copy !req
145. In Russia, I was engineer.Copy !req
146. - Knock-knock.
- Hiram.Copy !req
147. Tried my hand at Jamaican chicken.
Turned out good.Copy !req
148. - Thought you might like some for lunch.
- That's so thoughtful. Thank you.Copy !req
149. - Hiram, this is my boss, Nikolai.
- Hi.Copy !req
150. - She has a lunch.
- Here, try some.Copy !req
151. - Please.
- You burned it.Copy !req
152. - Nikolai!
- Ruth is busy.Copy !req
153. - I'm on my lunch break.
- Lunch is over. Now we work.Copy !req
154. Sorry I got you in trouble
with your boss.Copy !req
155. Don't you worry, I can handle him.Copy !req
156. Everybody ready and allemande left.Copy !req
157. Right and left grand.Copy !req
158. Good, good.
Swing your partners.Copy !req
159. And promenade home.
Very good.Copy !req
160. - Hey, Vanessa, is Rico there?
- No, should I page him?Copy !req
161. It's nothing important.
I wanted to run something by him.Copy !req
162. - Okay,
- Did you have your ultrasound already?Copy !req
163. Yeah, last week.Copy !req
164. You're not having one today?Copy !req
165. Oh, yeah, yeah,
but not till this afternoon.Copy !req
166. I'm sorry, Nate,
the UPS guy's at the door, I gotta go.Copy !req
167. And I'll tell Rico you called, okay?Copy !req
168. - Shit!
- Shit.Copy !req
169. Hey! Don't say that, papito,
That's a grown-up word.Copy !req
170. Very good, very good,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
171. Now, if I could have your attention
for just one second.Copy !req
172. I wanna teach you a new figure.
You're gonna love it.Copy !req
173. Your friends are gonna be
very impressed. I promise.Copy !req
174. It's called the Hungarian Swing.
And I need a volunteer.Copy !req
175. So if I could just borrow you
for one second.Copy !req
176. I promise it won't hurt a bit.
It goes like this.Copy !req
177. You're gonna stand right hip
to right hip.Copy !req
178. Your other hand is gonna go
on your partner's waist.Copy !req
179. Your left hand is gonna
go up over the head.Copy !req
180. Now you're gonna swing
one and a half times.Copy !req
181. She will turn
one and a half times...Copy !req
182. into the promenade position.
That wasn't so bad, was it?Copy !req
183. Let's do it again with the music, okay?
Not so fast.Copy !req
184. Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
with the music. Here we go.Copy !req
185. Okay. And two, three, four.Copy !req
186. Kiss him.Copy !req
187. Interesting technique, where'd you
train?Copy !req
188. Cypress College,
interned at Fisher & Sons.Copy !req
189. Oh, so you're the guy from Fisher.
You got out of there just in time.Copy !req
190. - Kroehner's gonna bury them.
- I don't think so.Copy !req
191. Somebody burned down the funeral home
Kroehner was building across the street.Copy !req
192. Somebody?
You ever heard of "Jewish lightning"?Copy !req
193. Oh, sorry, did I offend you?
I'm Jewish, I can say that.Copy !req
194. Kroehner burned down their own building
for the insurance money?Copy !req
195. Trust me, it's not over. It's,
like, Matt Gilardi's personal vendetta.Copy !req
196. Fisher is history.Copy !req
197. Take care now, get home safe.Copy !req
198. Aren't they a trip? I love them.
Old people still know how to boogie.Copy !req
199. - Yeah. More than me.
- Oh, I can change that.Copy !req
200. - I'm Kurt, by the way.
- How'd it go?Copy !req
201. - Terrific.
- Great.Copy !req
202. - So I guess you'll be coming back.
- I hope so.Copy !req
203. - This really was a great idea, Nate.
- So it seems, Dave.Copy !req
204. So, Dave.
You free tomorrow night?Copy !req
205. Yes. We're in the middle of a dry spell.
He's got nothing but time.Copy !req
206. How's about 8?Copy !req
207. - 8, for dinner? Is... Is okay.
- Great, I'll pick you up.Copy !req
208. See you tomorrow.Copy !req
209. - You just pimped me out to that kid.
- That kid wants to jump your bones.Copy !req
210. Oh, come on, David.
I watch Will and Grace, I have gaydar.Copy !req
211. Okay, don't say "gaydar."Copy !req
212. I sure wish we could
light up that joint,Copy !req
213. Yeah, Dennis is watching us
like a hawk.Copy !req
214. Now that we've officially established
ourselves as the antisocial losers.Copy !req
215. We'll just... We'll just sneak off
after we set up camp.Copy !req
216. While the rest of the bush youth
groom each other for lice.Copy !req
217. Hi, Claire.Copy !req
218. Hi.Copy !req
219. You...? You two are friends?Copy !req
220. We go to the same school.
We're not exactly friends.Copy !req
221. We're not exactly enemies, either.
We have classes together.Copy !req
222. One.
Shouldn't you be leading us?Copy !req
223. Now the guy with braces is doing it.
You know, everyone gets a turn.Copy !req
224. I thought we were gonna do
daredevil shit.Copy !req
225. - We're just following a fucking map.
- I know, this is fucking adolescent.Copy !req
226. - Do you guys have some pot?
- Maybe.Copy !req
227. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.Copy !req
228. What'd you use for the cheekbones?Copy !req
229. Elmer's glue, dental floss,
and modeling clay.Copy !req
230. I should've had your work videotaped.
These lesser lights could learn from you.Copy !req
231. I have a lot to learn myself.Copy !req
232. - Any interest in consulting?
- My plate is full.Copy !req
233. - How about something more permanent?
- What's gonna happen to Fisher & Sons?Copy !req
234. What do you care, is your name Fisher?Copy !req
235. Within eight months,
I can offer you your own home.Copy !req
236. There's a position opening up
in San Diego early next year.Copy !req
237. - I'll think about it.
- Sure, take some time.Copy !req
238. Talk it over with your wife.
Oh, and by the way?Copy !req
239. This offer lasts 48 hours.Copy !req
240. Brenda.Copy !req
241. Bren.Copy !req
242. Hello?Copy !req
243. Billy?Copy !req
244. Fuck!Copy !req
245. - Crickey.
- Who the fuck are you?Copy !req
246. Name's Connor. Connor Thompson.
You gotta be Nate.Copy !req
247. Oh, yeah, Brenda's
given me the John Dory on you.Copy !req
248. - Never told me you were this territorial.
- What's with the broken glass?Copy !req
249. One too many largies last night.Copy !req
250. - Do you mind putting something on?
- Don't worry. I don't fancy blokes.Copy !req
251. Nice pants, though.Copy !req
252. - Is Brenda here?
- Doesn't look like it.Copy !req
253. - Well, do you know where she is?
- Nope.Copy !req
254. Oh, I'm not rooting her,
if that's what you think.Copy !req
255. No, she made it quite clear
that wasn't an option.Copy !req
256. Her heart's got your name on it now.Copy !req
257. No, that would be her ass.Copy !req
258. You're thinking I'm pretty suss,
aren't you?Copy !req
259. Hey.Copy !req
260. Any you guys seen Topher?Copy !req
261. I bet you can't wait to get back
to Stepford.Copy !req
262. What a freak.Copy !req
263. Take it you two have met.Copy !req
264. These took forever to dry.Copy !req
265. Hey, you.Copy !req
266. Apparently you were mad at me because
I went to the desert without you.Copy !req
267. - No.
- What's with Crocodile Dundee, then?Copy !req
268. - Why the fuck are you doing his laundry?
- Oh, this is really unattractive behavior.Copy !req
269. Sorry,
I guess I'm just a little weirded out...Copy !req
270. that I keep running into
naked guys at your house.Copy !req
271. They're still warm.
Thanks, Lollies.Copy !req
272. Connor is a very old friend
from a totally previous life.Copy !req
273. He hasn't been in L.A. For 10 years.
Don't freak!Copy !req
274. I am not freaking.Copy !req
275. Just exactly where
does nature boy sleep?Copy !req
276. Why didn't you tell me about him?Copy !req
277. Because I knew that you
would react like this.Copy !req
278. I am touched that you're jealous.
Now get over it.Copy !req
279. Because you have no reason to be.
I promise.Copy !req
280. - If I was fucking him, I'd tell you.
- Oh, Jesus, that's comforting, thank you.Copy !req
281. Come to dinner tomorrow.
Connor's cooking some Australian thing.Copy !req
282. - And Billy's coming over.
- Oh, Billy's coming over.Copy !req
283. I thought he was staying with you.
You've been fucking lying to me!Copy !req
284. I have spent the last six days
worried sick about you.Copy !req
285. - And you've been partying your ass off!
- Okay! L...Copy !req
286. I fucked up.Copy !req
287. Okay?Copy !req
288. I've been under a little pressure lately.
With my brother...Copy !req
289. having a nervous breakdown
and everything, I was...Copy !req
290. just trying to simplify things.Copy !req
291. Don't blow this out of proportion,
please, Nate.Copy !req
292. Okay.Copy !req
293. What time tomorrow night?Copy !req
294. Topher?Copy !req
295. - You fucking asshole!
- Jesus.Copy !req
296. Oh, fuck. Shit, I'm sorry. I'm...Copy !req
297. - Fuck me! Fuck.
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
298. Look, look. If she tells anybody,
no one will believe her.Copy !req
299. Everybody thinks she's, like, crazy.Copy !req
300. The sexual habits of the koala
are quite mysterious,Copy !req
301. , because of their complicated
reproductive systems,Copy !req
302. The male koala's penis
is forked like a snake's tongue,Copy !req
303. The female has two vaginas
which share a common opening,Copy !req
304. - What you watching?
- PBS, very funny.Copy !req
305. What's up?Copy !req
306. Well, I just thought you should know.
I called Vanessa.Copy !req
307. And there's no ultrasound today.Copy !req
308. And I also think Rico took a couple
bottles of stuff from the prep room.Copy !req
309. Shit!
Fucking Kroehner.Copy !req
310. I'll call around, see what I can find out.
Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?Copy !req
311. I was going to, but I got distracted
by you and the square-dance guy.Copy !req
312. It's not like Rico has an exclusive
contract with us or anything.Copy !req
313. - So he's moonlighting.
- Moonlighting's when you take a job...Copy !req
314. when your first job is over.
He takes a job for Gilardi...Copy !req
315. while with us. It's treason.
- Stop being such a drama queen.Copy !req
316. Stop acting like you're honorary mayor
of West Hollywood all of a sudden.Copy !req
317. He lied to our faces.Copy !req
318. Yeah, he did.Copy !req
319. Hey, Claire.Copy !req
320. Hey.
Look, I'm sorry about last night.Copy !req
321. - I thought you and Topher...
- It's okay.Copy !req
322. - Whatever, it's none of my business.
- No, it's okay, I just, I don't know.Copy !req
323. I hope you won't just write me off now.Copy !req
324. I mean, maybe it'll even, like,
break the ice.Copy !req
325. Yeah.Copy !req
326. I just kind of, you know,
think you're funny and cool.Copy !req
327. And well, sometimes
I feel boring and lame around you.Copy !req
328. And I think it's because, I don't know,
I kind of want to be your friend.Copy !req
329. - Why?
- Why not?Copy !req
330. Okay, but this is totally weird.Copy !req
331. How's Vanessa?Copy !req
332. She's great. Yeah.
The baby's strong as a bouncer.Copy !req
333. How's Chloe Yorkin?Copy !req
334. Some of your more ardent fans
in prep rooms around L. A...Copy !req
335. are calling this one
your Sistine Chapel.Copy !req
336. Look. I told Gilardi
it was a one-time thing.Copy !req
337. I mean, come on, guys, you gotta
understand. It wasn't for the money.Copy !req
338. I mean, her head was like a...Copy !req
339. like a watermelon somebody hit
with a sledgehammer.Copy !req
340. I mean, a case like that
doesn't come along every day.Copy !req
341. What did he offer you to leave?Copy !req
342. What are you offering me to stay?Copy !req
343. What? You guys thought I would stay
out of loyalty?Copy !req
344. Unlike you two, I have a wife and kids
to think about.Copy !req
345. What do you want?Copy !req
346. - I want to be a partner.
- That would require a significant...Copy !req
347. financial investment on your part.Copy !req
348. That's what partners are.Copy !req
349. Rico, let David and me talk.Copy !req
350. Don't do anything until
we have a chance to counter, okay?Copy !req
351. Okay.Copy !req
352. We can work out
some profit-sharing plan.Copy !req
353. He's finally figured out he's worth more
than we can pay him. We're fucked.Copy !req
354. Okay, today, we're gonna climb
about 3000 feet...Copy !req
355. to a shelter close to the summit.
Now we have to move fast.Copy !req
356. - When it gets dark, it gets cold.
- Why did you sleep with him?Copy !req
357. I don't know.
Just to see if I could.Copy !req
358. So who hasn't been leader yet?Copy !req
359. - I haven't.
- Me, neither.Copy !req
360. Claire.Copy !req
361. - What?
- Which way do we go?Copy !req
362. I don't know, I really don't care.Copy !req
363. - Somebody else pick.
- Come on.Copy !req
364. - Want to consult your map and compass?
- No, I think I lost my compass anyway.Copy !req
365. Then borrow one from someone else.Copy !req
366. Look, just pick someone else, okay?
Please.Copy !req
367. Okay, that way. I think we should
go that way. It's obviously the path.Copy !req
368. Okay, maybe someone else
would like to...Copy !req
369. Hey, Claire paid her 1200 bucks too.
Doesn't she get a turn?Copy !req
370. Don't pull me into your shit, okay?Copy !req
371. Okay, look.Copy !req
372. All right, let's all take out
our maps and our compasses...Copy !req
373. It's Claire's turn, Dennis.Copy !req
374. I think we should follow Claire.
And she said we should go this way.Copy !req
375. Okay. This way it is.Copy !req
376. - Thanks a lot.
- What?Copy !req
377. Now this trip is finally starting to be fun.Copy !req
378. I prefer busy to quiet.Copy !req
379. Some people, they like nothing to do.
Me, it drives me crazy.Copy !req
380. Besides, no customer, no money.Copy !req
381. When I walking by this restaurant
every day while I going home.Copy !req
382. It's Ethiopian restaurant.
No customer.Copy !req
383. Every night, night after night,
no customer.Copy !req
384. How they can make a living?
I don't know. I don't understand this.Copy !req
385. I thought Ethiopian people
don't have no food.Copy !req
386. Maybe that...Copy !req
387. I boring you?Copy !req
388. - Heavens, no.
- Good. Watch you don't cut your finger.Copy !req
389. Did you really put a foot
in Gabe Dimas' locker?Copy !req
390. - Yeah.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
391. That is like the greatest thing ever.
If anyone ever deserved it.Copy !req
392. - Did you have sex with him?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
393. - Did you suck his toes?
- Yes.Copy !req
394. I'm gonna have to ask
the two of you to turn around.Copy !req
395. - What?
- I'll accompany you to the last camp.Copy !req
396. A jeep will take you back
to base parking.Copy !req
397. You're kicking us out?
You can't do that.Copy !req
398. Yes, we can. It's all in the contract
that you and your adult guardian signed.Copy !req
399. Anyone who witnesses a group leader
having sex with a student...Copy !req
400. can be thrown out? I doubt it.
- You purposely led us off...Copy !req
401. the predetermined course,
endangering everyone's safety.Copy !req
402. And I'd be willing to bet
there's drugs in your pack.Copy !req
403. You can't go through my stuff.
You need a search warrant.Copy !req
404. Okay? Now, look,
we can do this the easy way...Copy !req
405. or we can get cops involved.
What do you want?Copy !req
406. - You are such a total loser.
- This is not a game, you little bitch!Copy !req
407. - You are fucking with people's lives.
- Those people...Copy !req
408. are completely innocent bystanders.
Hello!Copy !req
409. - David Fisher.
- The adult guardian of Claire Fisher?Copy !req
410. - Yes, that is correct.
- I'm with Sierra Crossroads,Copy !req
411. Your daughter was discovered with
marijuana, She's leaving the expedition,Copy !req
412. Transportation's on its way to take her to
her car, She should be in L, A, tonight,Copy !req
413. , instead of Sunday as planned,
Any questions?Copy !req
414. No. Thank you for calling.Copy !req
415. Your dad sounds like a real tight-ass.Copy !req
416. Castaneda, huh?Copy !req
417. - People still read that?
- Look, don't even, okay?Copy !req
418. All need for us to interact
has been removed.Copy !req
419. - Listen, how well do you know Parker?
- Hardly at all.Copy !req
420. I'd really hate it if she's one
of those people who would...Copy !req
421. create a huge stink and ruin my life
just for the entertainment value of it.Copy !req
422. - Sorry, I don't really know her.
- God, I hate pissing outdoors!Copy !req
423. Parker, don't light that.Copy !req
424. So who's in charge
while you're here babysitting us?Copy !req
425. - Topher.
- What?Copy !req
426. He hates this whole
Sierra Crossroads bullshit.Copy !req
427. What, are you kidding? He's
been doing it since he was 14 years old.Copy !req
428. - You're full of shit.
- It's one of the things...Copy !req
429. that helped him get accepted
to Stanford.Copy !req
430. - Topher is going to Stanford?
- Prelaw.Copy !req
431. This whole experience
just gets more and more irritating.Copy !req
432. Here's your ride.Copy !req
433. Ten minutes.Copy !req
434. Damn, she looks good.
You took Polaroids, right?Copy !req
435. Polaroids?
I borrowed Jacob's digital camera.Copy !req
436. You blended the filler material
just perfect.Copy !req
437. Honey, she really is your Sistine Chapel.Copy !req
438. - You think?
- Baby, you know.Copy !req
439. - Too bad you gotta bury her.
- Yeah.Copy !req
440. - She looks beautiful, doesn't she?
- Never better.Copy !req
441. You should've seen her yesterday.Copy !req
442. - You're gonna take the offer.
- I haven't decided.Copy !req
443. No, I said, you're gonna take the offer.Copy !req
444. - Where would I be without the Fishers?
- In a house, not some lousy apartment.Copy !req
445. They treat you like a migrant worker.Copy !req
446. - They'll never make me a partner.
- Not ever.Copy !req
447. $ 1500 a restoration.Copy !req
448. Tuition at SC's highway robbery,
so calling helps pay for books and beer.Copy !req
449. It's either that or become a beeper boy.
I'm not quite ready to go there.Copy !req
450. So, what's with
the International Male shirt?Copy !req
451. This? Oh, l...Copy !req
452. - I borrowed it from my sister.
- It looks good.Copy !req
453. I bet it looks even better off.Copy !req
454. So you were talking
about square dance calling.Copy !req
455. It's my grandparents' group.Copy !req
456. They practically raised me
after my parents kicked me out.Copy !req
457. Kicked you out?Copy !req
458. - When they found out about you?
- When my father walked in on me...Copy !req
459. and my high-school boyfriend
fucking on the desk in his study.Copy !req
460. It was awful.
My mother had a complete breakdown.Copy !req
461. My parents eventually split.
It was a total movie for Lifetime.Copy !req
462. What about you?
What'd your parents do?Copy !req
463. When I came out?Copy !req
464. My dad was okay with it.
My mom's still a little uncomfortable.Copy !req
465. It baffles me that anyone
even gives a shit, you know?Copy !req
466. Here you go. Here you go.
Enjoy.Copy !req
467. - You have a boyfriend?
- No.Copy !req
468. - Why not?
- I'm not sure.Copy !req
469. You ever have one?Copy !req
470. - Yeah, you?
- Yeah, several.Copy !req
471. You've got the longest eyelashes
I've ever seen.Copy !req
472. I've always liked older guys.Copy !req
473. - I'm the older guy.
- Guys my age are idiots.Copy !req
474. They're fun to fuck,
but it usually ends there.Copy !req
475. And I hate the way they treat older men.
Tired old queen, fossil, troll.Copy !req
476. As if we're not gonna end up there
ourselves one day.Copy !req
477. I'm getting my master's in social work...Copy !req
478. with a concentration on services
for seniors, so it's a pet peeve of mine.Copy !req
479. - Are you a top or a bottom?
- What?Copy !req
480. Oh, I'm versatile.Copy !req
481. Bottom, good, this will work out well.
You want to get out of here?Copy !req
482. Yeah.Copy !req
483. So the bastard carked it.
I lost my investment, my bike...Copy !req
484. fucking everything.
- Connor, this always happens to you.Copy !req
485. Oh, well. I guess I can always go back
on the banana roll?Copy !req
486. Do you remember, what was that,
that thing in Texas?Copy !req
487. - You lost your bike in Texas!
- Oh, not that fucking woman.Copy !req
488. Yes, it was like '95 or something.
What was that?Copy !req
489. Well, I thought I was gonna get a root.Copy !req
490. Hey, Nate.Copy !req
491. Listen.
I'm sorry about last week.Copy !req
492. I go off the meds now and then
just to feel alive.Copy !req
493. I'm sure you must have thought
I was a total psycho.Copy !req
494. It crossed my mind.Copy !req
495. Well, I'm not.Copy !req
496. I don't want to come
between you and my sister.Copy !req
497. She's happy with you.Copy !req
498. Happier than I've seen her
in a long time and I mean that.Copy !req
499. That is so tragic.Copy !req
500. So, what's the story? Just
another spunk to add to your collection?Copy !req
501. So, what's there left for me to do?
Become an air hostess?Copy !req
502. I think you should get a TV show
where you wrestle things, right?Copy !req
503. - But not animals. Things.
- What kind of things?Copy !req
504. Like household objects.
Like refrigerators.Copy !req
505. And here's the title of it, right,
A Sandwich Short of a Picnic,Copy !req
506. That's the fucking way I like it too.Copy !req
507. Yeah, hey, caller,
what's your John Dory?Copy !req
508. What fucking language
are you speaking?Copy !req
509. Nate, buddy. Chill.Copy !req
510. This car is, like, total Graceland
on wheels.Copy !req
511. Total love nest.
Have you ever fucked in here?Copy !req
512. Once.Copy !req
513. I know this record exec,
a friend of my dad's.Copy !req
514. He's got like this total
make-out van from the '70s.Copy !req
515. He thinks it's so cool
and it's just not.Copy !req
516. How do you think Dennis
knew I had pot?Copy !req
517. So your dad died, huh?
What was that like?Copy !req
518. I don't know.
It doesn't seem real.Copy !req
519. - I never knew anybody that died.
- I grew up in a funeral home, so...Copy !req
520. I was always around it.
- Okay, was that, like, completely weird?Copy !req
521. Yes.Copy !req
522. My dad's a big shot at Disney.Copy !req
523. Really, why don't you
go to private school?Copy !req
524. He divorced my mom a long time ago.
He likes his new family better.Copy !req
525. He won't give my mom alimony,
because he caught her having sex...Copy !req
526. with, like, this retarded guy.
- Fuck.Copy !req
527. I'm kidding.
My mom gets killer alimony.Copy !req
528. I just keep getting kicked out
of private schools.Copy !req
529. I thought you were, like, this total
overachiever. Like, little Miss Perfect.Copy !req
530. Good. That's what
I want people to think.Copy !req
531. When in reality you're, like,
this compulsive liar, danger slut.Copy !req
532. I thought you were,
like, this Goth arty freak girl...Copy !req
533. who was, like, tragic and suicidal.
- Oh, my God, that is so not who I am.Copy !req
534. Nobody is ever who they seem to be.Copy !req
535. Nobody interesting.Copy !req
536. You told me two lesbians
took a bath in my bathtub,Copy !req
537. I don't get this show.Copy !req
538. - It's a game show.
- I know that.Copy !req
539. I just don't understand
why people like it.Copy !req
540. My friend Amelia
says it's her favorite show.Copy !req
541. It's a great show.
My son likes Once Upon a Hamster,Copy !req
542. When I was his age,
I was crazy for Mad Magazine,Copy !req
543. Ernie Kovacs, the Marx brothers.Copy !req
544. Anybody that took potshots
at sacred cows. I mean, anybody.Copy !req
545. Yeah, I loved all that stuff.Copy !req
546. Irreverence was my drug of choice.Copy !req
547. Still is, I guess.Copy !req
548. Nate, mate.Copy !req
549. I'm really glad you
and Lollies hooked up.Copy !req
550. I mean, personally I couldn't handle her
playing Freud all the fucking time.Copy !req
551. I don't give a fuck
why I am the way I am.Copy !req
552. Well, she is a complicated woman.Copy !req
553. No, she's not.Copy !req
554. I found this in a shoebox
and made you a copy.Copy !req
555. Oh, that's killer, Billy.
Oh, it's a great shot, mate.Copy !req
556. Oh, look at you in your sluggos.Copy !req
557. Poor yabbie wouldn't know
if his ass was on fire.Copy !req
558. Useless as the bottom half of a mermaid.Copy !req
559. Put some sunnies
on your stale bottle of piss.Copy !req
560. Let's have a bobbley,
you daggy deadshit.Copy !req
561. Crock a bingle, you googlie.Copy !req
562. Drongo.Copy !req
563. - When was that taken?
- Two summers ago. In Perth.Copy !req
564. I thought you said you hadn't
seen him in a decade.Copy !req
565. No, I said Connor hasn't been to L.A.
In a decade.Copy !req
566. Where do you sleep, mate?Copy !req
567. Because that sleeping bag
hasn't moved an inch in days!Copy !req
568. - They sleep in the same bed, where else?
- Don't crack a fit, Nate, mate.Copy !req
569. - I mean, she's totally wrapped up in you.
- Oh, you just shut the fuck up, cowboy!Copy !req
570. Okay, I didn't tell you, because
I knew you would react just like this.Copy !req
571. Well, how else am I supposed to react?Copy !req
572. I'm supposed to make an old friend sleep
on the floor to protect your macho pride?Copy !req
573. - You have a shiatsu mat!
- Come on, man.Copy !req
574. Haven't you ever slept with a woman
and not had sex with her?Copy !req
575. - No!
- Outside, get some air.Copy !req
576. "Go outside, get some air."
Fuck you!Copy !req
577. I'm leaving!Copy !req
578. Have fun with your Aussie fuck mate,
fucker!Copy !req
579. Damn, you are versatile.Copy !req
580. You think I'm being a possessive asshole
for wanting Brenda for myself?Copy !req
581. Wanting to feel connected with someone
doesn't mean you're possessive...Copy !req
582. or an asshole.
But until there's a commitment...Copy !req
583. you have no claim on her.Copy !req
584. A woman doesn't have to wait
to be chosen anymore.Copy !req
585. - She can do the choosing.
- If she waits too long...Copy !req
586. the right guy might just move on.Copy !req
587. You're right, dear.
You're so right.Copy !req
588. A chartered bus out of Vegas
overturned on the 10 last night.Copy !req
589. Forty-four passengers.
Most of them dead.Copy !req
590. - You sleep well last night?
- Yes, thank you.Copy !req
591. You sleep at all last night?Copy !req
592. - How'd the funeral director's test go?
- Oh, man, I choked.Copy !req
593. - What a cluster fuck.
- Language.Copy !req
594. - You just said "asshole."
- Nate, I need you to pass that test.Copy !req
595. Yeah, well, Dave, I need you to
lighten up on me, starting now.Copy !req
596. Hey.Copy !req
597. First of all, I just want to thank you guys
for everything that you've done for me.Copy !req
598. But I think it's time for me to move on.
I have to think about my future.Copy !req
599. - My family's future.
- You're leaving us? Oh, dear.Copy !req
600. You haven't given us a chance
to counter Kroehner...Copy !req
601. Am I a partner?Copy !req
602. You guys didn't even talk about it.Copy !req
603. Thank you, Federico.Copy !req
604. I'm sorry that we can't offer you more.Copy !req
605. You will always have a job
waiting for you here.Copy !req
606. Kroehner will never appreciate
how good you are.Copy !req
607. You'll just be a part of their
assembly line.Copy !req
608. Yeah. We'll see.Copy !req
609. A word of advice, guys.
Don't turn your back on Gilardi.Copy !req
610. Well, so much for loyalty.Copy !req
611. Nate, he's given us five years.
He doesn't owe us anything.Copy !req
612. Nobody owes us.Copy !req
613. My only defense is
I think I was hallucinating.Copy !req
614. That and the thought of you
with another man makes me crazy.Copy !req
615. Sorry.Copy !req
616. I'm just a guy that way.Copy !req
617. - So where's Connor?
- Oh, God, I threw him out.Copy !req
618. There's only so much of him I can take.Copy !req
619. - So you forgive me?
- Sure, why not?Copy !req
620. Good.
Now it's your turn.Copy !req
621. - You want me to apologize?
- Yes.Copy !req
622. For trying to use Billy's meltdown
and Connor's visit to push me away.Copy !req
623. For being impatient with my very valid
emotional response to each one.Copy !req
624. And for always asking me to adjust
my behavior and feelings...Copy !req
625. but never being willing
to do that yourself.Copy !req
626. Okay, that's fair.Copy !req
627. I apologize.Copy !req
628. - Part of you wants me to bail.
- Yeah, you're probably right.Copy !req
629. Why?Copy !req
630. Because we've already gone further
than I have with anybody since...Copy !req
631. Since a long time ago.Copy !req
632. Because every time I've ever believed
in a happy ending...Copy !req
633. I've gotten severely fucked.Copy !req
634. Sorry.Copy !req
635. Well, do me a favor.Copy !req
636. Promise me from here on out
I am the only naked man in your bed...Copy !req
637. and in your life.Copy !req
638. I'm serious, Bren.
Promise me.Copy !req
639. I promise.Copy !req
640. I love you and I want to be with you
for the long haul.Copy !req
641. But there's a limit to the amount of shit
I will put up with.Copy !req
642. Did you just make me
a lifetime commitment...Copy !req
643. right before the thinly veiled
threat of abandonment?Copy !req
644. Well, I don't remember
using the word "lifetime."Copy !req
645. Oh, well, I won't hold you to it.Copy !req
646. Sorry I'm so weird about intimacy.Copy !req
647. I guess spending your childhood
being picked apart...Copy !req
648. by behavioral psychologists
will do that.Copy !req
649. Yeah, well, not being able
to sleep at night...Copy !req
650. because you know your basement's
full of dead people takes its toll too.Copy !req
651. Sorry.Copy !req
652. Nate Fisher.Copy !req
653. Remember that chartered bus
that overturned last night?Copy !req
654. They were all locals.
We're getting three.Copy !req
655. - The first family will be here in an hour.
- I'm on my way.Copy !req
656. - And try to curb your enthusiasm.
- This will be tough without Rico.Copy !req
657. See you later,Copy !req
658. - Good Lord, what did they do to you?
- Don't ask.Copy !req
659. So did Mom freak
when you told her I got busted?Copy !req
660. I didn't tell her.Copy !req
661. - Okay, why?
- I don't know, other stuff came up.Copy !req
662. It seemed like a low priority.Copy !req
663. - Are you going to?
- Probably not.Copy !req
664. I'm sorry the Crossroads thing
didn't work out like you had hoped.Copy !req
665. Actually, it was kind of amazing.Copy !req
666. I think I really learned
something valuable.Copy !req
667. Everything I think I know is wrong.Copy !req
668. Hey, what happened to that guy Keith?Copy !req
669. It just didn't work out.Copy !req
670. - That's too bad.
- Life goes on.Copy !req
671. That it does.Copy !req
672. Well, there's work to be done.Copy !req