1. So I want you to meet this guy
I'm going out with tonight. Okay?Copy !req
2. He's kind of a dork,
but in a sweet way.Copy !req
3. He seems real, at least.Copy !req
4. And he's kind of rich, I think.
Kind of.Copy !req
5. Of course, so was Kadeem, and that was
a fucking waste of two years of my life.Copy !req
6. And you know what?
I knew you never liked Kadeem.Copy !req
7. So I'm gonna bring this guy
home to meet you.Copy !req
8. And this time...Copy !req
9. I swear I will pay attention
to what you think.Copy !req
10. Because I am
one fucking hot-shit bitch...Copy !req
11. and he'd be fucking lucky to have me.Copy !req
12. Oh, does that feel good.Copy !req
13. Hey, Tito!Copy !req
14. Come hang with me. Okay?Copy !req
15. Thank you.Copy !req
16. Who's my lover?
Yes.Copy !req
17. Yes. Aren't you glad I rescued you?Copy !req
18. You better be fucking glad.
Cost me 800 bucks in vet bills...Copy !req
19. at a time when things were particularly
tight for Mommy, I might add.Copy !req
20. One good thing about this guy tonight...Copy !req
21. is, he's got a big, fat dick,
and he fucks like a jackhammer.Copy !req
22. Those never last.Copy !req
23. David, I'm so glad to see you here.Copy !req
24. It's always nice when someone
comes back.Copy !req
25. Oh, I've been going to church.
I was just going to a different church.Copy !req
26. - Really, which one?
- St. Stephen's.Copy !req
27. - In the Palisades?
- No, St. Stephen's in West Hollywood.Copy !req
28. Well, I hope you always feel
as welcome here as you did there.Copy !req
29. - Thanks.
- Your father was a deacon here...Copy !req
30. and we still haven't replaced him.Copy !req
31. I think it would be good for this church
to listen to a younger voice.Copy !req
32. If you're at all interested,
I could submit your name.Copy !req
33. Me? A deacon?Copy !req
34. David, that's wonderful.
Your father would be so proud.Copy !req
35. Well, sure, I'd be honored
to be considered.Copy !req
36. - Ruth, how are you holding up?
- I'm doing okay, Father.Copy !req
37. - Each day is just a little bit easier.
- That's what I love hearing.Copy !req
38. Wow, what a small world!
Do you go to this church?Copy !req
39. I just joined. I was raised Catholic,
so I like the whole ritual part of it.Copy !req
40. You smell good. What is that?Copy !req
41. Who are you?Copy !req
42. Oh, my God. I can't believe
I never introduced myself.Copy !req
43. It seems like we've known each other
forever. I'm Tracy Montrose Blair.Copy !req
44. - Hi, I'm David...
- Fisher, I know. I know who you are.Copy !req
45. Okay. Why?Copy !req
46. Because my Uncle Walt
was buried at your funeral home.Copy !req
47. Old guy? Cancer?Copy !req
48. Had a tattoo of a roulette wheel
on his back?Copy !req
49. Oh, yes.Copy !req
50. I have a tattoo.
A butterfly.Copy !req
51. I think that you should know
that I'm not really available.Copy !req
52. - You have a girlfriend?
- Yes.Copy !req
53. - Serious?
- We're engaged.Copy !req
54. Well, good for you.Copy !req
55. Most men your age are so
commitment-phobic, it's pathetic.Copy !req
56. - Yes, men are pigs.
- Or they're gay.Copy !req
57. Well, I'm certainly glad
to find out you're not gay.Copy !req
58. I have to go. My mother's waiting.Copy !req
59. Bye-bye!Copy !req
60. - She seems nice.
- She seems nuts.Copy !req
61. Hello?Copy !req
62. Out here!Copy !req
63. Hey.Copy !req
64. - This is the life, huh?
- Apparently.Copy !req
65. So how often do Mommy and Daddy
go away?Copy !req
66. Oh, constantly.
They're very important people...Copy !req
67. with very important places to go.Copy !req
68. Lucky for them, I have
absolutely nowhere to go.Copy !req
69. - How are you?
- I'm good.Copy !req
70. - It's chilly today. Aren't you cold?
- Nope.Copy !req
71. Jesus, it's like a hot tub in here.Copy !req
72. Mommy and Daddy keep it
this hot all the time, even in summer.Copy !req
73. They're very wasteful.Copy !req
74. That's just wrong.Copy !req
75. Oh, man, you are...Copy !req
76. What?Copy !req
77. You're unlike any woman
I've ever met.Copy !req
78. Good.Copy !req
79. - You scare me a little.
- Why?Copy !req
80. I don't know.Copy !req
81. It's just...Copy !req
82. so much I don't know about you.Copy !req
83. Me?Copy !req
84. I am an open book.Copy !req
85. I'm so glad you're bringing
your friends home.Copy !req
86. You know, you haven't
done that in years.Copy !req
87. You said you'd be gone
through the weekend.Copy !req
88. Yes, it's Sunday.
It's the end of the weekend.Copy !req
89. Nate, these are my parents,
Margaret and Bernard Chenowith.Copy !req
90. Margaret and Bernard, this is Nate Fisher,
the man I am having sex with.Copy !req
91. Hello.Copy !req
92. Brenda has told us absolutely nothing
about you.Copy !req
93. You know what? I'm not surprised.
I'm not sure there's that much to tell.Copy !req
94. Oh, don't be so modest.Copy !req
95. Nate's studying for
his funeral director's license.Copy !req
96. Well, Nate, you'll have to tell us
all about that.Copy !req
97. - Will you stay for lunch?
- At least a drink or two?Copy !req
98. I'd like to, but...Copy !req
99. I really have to study.Copy !req
100. Well, then you'll have to join us
for dinner sometime.Copy !req
101. That sounds great.Copy !req
102. Great!Copy !req
103. Okay, Mrs. Fisher.Copy !req
104. I asked you here today so we could
talk about your relationship with Claire.Copy !req
105. - I told her it wasn't my idea.
- No.Copy !req
106. Claire feels that,
being the youngest child...Copy !req
107. perhaps she might have missed out
on a time when the family was happier.Copy !req
108. No, you said that.Copy !req
109. I don't think there was a time
this family was ever happy.Copy !req
110. That is not true.
There was lots of happiness:Copy !req
111. When the boys were young,
when you were young, Claire.Copy !req
112. You were a very happy little girl,
and you know it.Copy !req
113. That's because I was too young
to realize what freaks we were.Copy !req
114. Why would you tell this man
we were never happy?Copy !req
115. Because I grew up in a house that was
usually filled with total strangers...Copy !req
116. who were crying all the time?
- Oh, boo-hoo.Copy !req
117. I grew up in a two-room apartment
over a barbershop...Copy !req
118. and I spent my teenage years
taking care of my grandmother...Copy !req
119. after her legs were amputated.
Life's hard!Copy !req
120. You had a roof over your head.
You didn't go hungry.Copy !req
121. She gets up on this cross,
and then there's just no talking to her.Copy !req
122. You did not have to go begging
for food on the streets of Calcutta.Copy !req
123. Because I wasn't dropped in a dumpster,
I shouldn't want things to be better?Copy !req
124. This is good. This is good
for you two to talk like this.Copy !req
125. These are obviously things
you need to say.Copy !req
126. So we're just supposed to fight
and get on each other's nerves?Copy !req
127. I prefer the not-talking thing.Copy !req
128. I think you should try to
have more of a dialogue.Copy !req
129. Make time for it. Schedule it.
Remember, any relationship is work.Copy !req
130. Okay, excellent session.Copy !req
131. - That's it?
- That's up to you, isn't it?Copy !req
132. He does this for like
five different schools.Copy !req
133. She should look spectacular.
That's the most important thing.Copy !req
134. We'll make sure that she looks her best.Copy !req
135. She was the real deal, you know?
She was a star.Copy !req
136. And I can assure you
we will give her a funeral...Copy !req
137. that befits the star that she was
and always will be.Copy !req
138. - You know who she was?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
139. And I'm a big fan of hers.Copy !req
140. Hey, Rico.Copy !req
141. - Holy moly.
- Feel them.Copy !req
142. - They're really hard.
- No, thanks.Copy !req
143. Like a rock.
See how they're all cockeyed?Copy !req
144. They got this low-cut thing they want
her in, and they said absolutely no bra.Copy !req
145. Shit, I don't know what
the heck I'm gonna do.Copy !req
146. Maybe I could, like,
tape them together somehow.Copy !req
147. You know where this goes? I put it
in the wrong place, David will bitch.Copy !req
148. Top left, above the purple stuff.Copy !req
149. Well, boys, this just might be our
highest profit margin funeral this year.Copy !req
150. - She's rich, huh?
- The guy who's paying for it is.Copy !req
151. - She looks so familiar to me.
- She's an actress. Viveca St. John.Copy !req
152. Oh, my God, you're right.
That's her!Copy !req
153. - Apparently, she was quite talented.
- She was a porno star.Copy !req
154. - What?
- She was huge in the mid to late '80s.Copy !req
155. You never saw any of her videos?Copy !req
156. - No, Nate, I missed those.
- This chick fucked a snake.Copy !req
157. - This chick fucked 30 guys at one time.
- I saw that. I saw that!Copy !req
158. My cousin Ramone showed me
when I was like 12.Copy !req
159. On the diving board. Okay?
They were wrapped around the pool.Copy !req
160. Did you see the one where the guy's
riding this motorcycle, so he's...Copy !req
161. fucking her while riding in circles?
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
162. Nate.Copy !req
163. Could I speak to you
outside for a minute?Copy !req
164. Damn it, Nate! The woman on that table
is just as deserving of dignity...Copy !req
165. as anyone else we prepare.Copy !req
166. And Federico is an employee.Copy !req
167. It's up to you and me to set
an example for him, all right?Copy !req
168. - All right, I'm sorry.
- Show some respect.Copy !req
169. These are human lives
we're dealing with here.Copy !req
170. These are not organic blackberries
or granola in bulk.Copy !req
171. - I said, I'm sorry.
- I don't want you to be sorry.Copy !req
172. I want you to remember
that what we do here is serious...Copy !req
173. because it really sucks for me
always having to be the spoilsport.Copy !req
174. Okay.Copy !req
175. Thank you.Copy !req
176. - Hello?
- Nate, Bernard Chenowith,Copy !req
177. Hi.Copy !req
178. Margaret and I were wondering if you
would join us for dinner tomorrow night.Copy !req
179. - We won't take no for an answer.
- You hear that?Copy !req
180. Well, actually I have a lot of
studying to do for this exam...Copy !req
181. Nate...Copy !req
182. we'd really love to be able
to get a sense of who you are...Copy !req
183. and I'm sure you're curious
about us as well, right?Copy !req
184. Good. Shall we say 7-ish?Copy !req
185. Can I bring anything?Copy !req
186. Hello?Copy !req
187. Suck on that, you ugly fuck!Copy !req
188. Hi.Copy !req
189. There's this thing called knocking. It's,
like, protected in the First Amendment.Copy !req
190. I rented some videos.Copy !req
191. I thought you and I could
watch them tonight.Copy !req
192. Remember when you
were in middle school...Copy !req
193. you and I went to the movies
every Monday night?Copy !req
194. Remember how much fun we had?Copy !req
195. I remember seeing a lot
of really bad movies.Copy !req
196. What'd you get?Copy !req
197. Runaway Bride
and The Nutty Professor.Copy !req
198. Cool.Copy !req
199. Oz didn't make you a bitch,Copy !req
200. You were born one,Copy !req
201. It'd be good for business too.
Dad was a deacon there.Copy !req
202. It's a big congregation. People die.Copy !req
203. Their families don't know where to go,
and the church sends them our way.Copy !req
204. They know you're gay?Copy !req
205. I think Father Jack
has a pretty good idea.Copy !req
206. - You think he likes you?
- Keith.Copy !req
207. Does this mean you're not gonna be
going to church with me anymore?Copy !req
208. Well, if they make me a deacon,
I'd have to go there all the time, yeah.Copy !req
209. I'm sorry. I know.
Sundays have sort of been our day.Copy !req
210. I think it's great. I really do.Copy !req
211. One of the things I love about you...Copy !req
212. is the fact that your religion
means so much to you.Copy !req
213. Besides, I think it could be
kind of hot, you know?Copy !req
214. Dating a man of the cloth?Copy !req
215. - But I need you to do something for me.
- What is it, my son?Copy !req
216. You know the gay firemen
and police officers club I belong to?Copy !req
217. Well, we're having a party
in Laguna this weekend.Copy !req
218. - I want you to be my date.
- Your date? Will I get a corsage?Copy !req
219. I want you to start meeting
some of my friends, David.Copy !req
220. I'd like that.Copy !req
221. Forgive me, Father,
for I am about to sin.Copy !req
222. This is an entire movie
about expelling gas.Copy !req
223. I think that's why people like it.Copy !req
224. - I don't want to watch this.
- Good, because neither do I.Copy !req
225. Claire, look...Copy !req
226. I know you probably think
I'm old and stupid.Copy !req
227. No, Mom, I don't.Copy !req
228. But I love you just as much
as I ever did...Copy !req
229. and I'm worried about you,
and I don't know how to help.Copy !req
230. I don't need help.Copy !req
231. Why is everyone acting like
I'm in the Trenchcoat Mafia?Copy !req
232. - You stole a foot. A human foot!
- Okay, you want to know why?Copy !req
233. Because some guy who scammed me
into having sex with him...Copy !req
234. because I thought he cared about me,
told the entire school I sucked his toes.Copy !req
235. And then when I confronted him,
he showed entirely no remorse.Copy !req
236. I saw Nate drop the foot on the floor.
I grabbed it to get back at that asshole.Copy !req
237. It wasn't premeditated.
I'm not Jeffrey Dahmer.Copy !req
238. - I don't get off on hacked-up body parts.
- You're having sex?Copy !req
239. No. Jesus. No, I'm sorry. I cannot have
this conversation with you.Copy !req
240. And I'm sorry, but I don't think
we're ever gonna have...Copy !req
241. a touchy-feely, mother-daughter
relationship like on TV and the movies...Copy !req
242. because you know what?
They don't exist!Copy !req
243. Here's our guest...Copy !req
244. and he brought us a bottle
of Louis Jadot Pinot Noir.Copy !req
245. - 1997, no less.
- Okay, a man who knows his wine.Copy !req
246. I'm liking you more and more, Nate.Copy !req
247. Well, I worked at a food co-op in Seattle
for a long time. Learned a little bit.Copy !req
248. A co-op? So there's a little hippie
in there, huh?Copy !req
249. That makes sense.
Brenda would find that attractive.Copy !req
250. She likes to think of herself
as being wildly countercultural.Copy !req
251. I think she's actually
just jealous of the fact...Copy !req
252. that Bern and I really were hippies,
briefly.Copy !req
253. - Can I offer you a drink?
- Sure, do you have any beer?Copy !req
254. No, we have vodka, scotch, bourbon.Copy !req
255. - I'll have a little bourbon.
- Manly, but not elitist. Just her type.Copy !req
256. Down, girl.Copy !req
257. So where is Brenda?Copy !req
258. Brenda?
Oh, Brenda's not coming tonight.Copy !req
259. - Really?
- She felt, and I have to agree with her...Copy !req
260. we'd have a better chance of getting
to know each other if she weren't here.Copy !req
261. She does tend to take
center stage, so to speak.Copy !req
262. - I wish somebody had thought to tell me.
- I'm sorry. I assumed she did.Copy !req
263. There you are.Copy !req
264. David was raised in this church.Copy !req
265. He was christened and confirmed here,
he served as an altar boy...Copy !req
266. and he was president
of the youth ministry in high school.Copy !req
267. - How old are you, David?
- I'm 31.Copy !req
268. - What do you do for a living?
- I'm a funeral director.Copy !req
269. His father served as a deacon for over
a decade. He just recently passed away.Copy !req
270. So you see this
as a sort of passing the torch.Copy !req
271. No, sir, I see it as a chance
to serve God.Copy !req
272. Well, I'm glad to hear you say that.
Because that's what it is.Copy !req
273. Being a deacon is more than just having
access to the church mailing list...Copy !req
274. and passing out your business cards
after Mass.Copy !req
275. Sir, I won't deny that I run a business...Copy !req
276. providing service to people
in times of need.Copy !req
277. But I would never exploit my relationship
to the church for marketing purposes.Copy !req
278. Frankly, I consider that to be
a pretty grave sin.Copy !req
279. No pun intended.Copy !req
280. St. Bartholomew is an old church...Copy !req
281. a conservative church...Copy !req
282. a church that doesn't need
to have its boat rocked.Copy !req
283. Which is precisely why I feel
David is a good candidate.Copy !req
284. How many men his age
have values as strong as his?Copy !req
285. I think he would be
an excellent role model.Copy !req
286. - Are you married?
- No, sir. I was engaged, briefly.Copy !req
287. Is there anything else you'd like
to tell me about yourself...Copy !req
288. before I consider this?Copy !req
289. No, sir.Copy !req
290. Is there anything specific about me
that you'd like to ask?Copy !req
291. No.Copy !req
292. I'll let you know my decision
in a few days.Copy !req
293. - You impressed him.
- You think?Copy !req
294. Yes.Copy !req
295. Oh, by the way, one of our parishioners
recently lost her father to liver cancer.Copy !req
296. Sharon Murdoch. I gave her your name.
You may be getting a call.Copy !req
297. Thank you.Copy !req
298. - Again with the not knocking.
- Pack some things.Copy !req
299. - We're going to San Bernardino.
- What?Copy !req
300. We're spending the night
at my cousin Hannah's.Copy !req
301. - Mom, I'm doing homework.
- Well, stop!Copy !req
302. - I have school tomorrow.
- I'll write a note!Copy !req
303. It's been a long time since Brenda's
wanted us to meet...Copy !req
304. any of the men in her life.Copy !req
305. - What was that last one, chiropractor?
- He was a Rolfer.Copy !req
306. He was an idiot.Copy !req
307. Well, I'm not sure Brenda
ever meant for us to meet.Copy !req
308. I don't think she expected you guys
to come home that day.Copy !req
309. Oh, Nate.Copy !req
310. Where Brenda's concerned,
there are no coincidences.Copy !req
311. - You think she planned all this?
- Of course.Copy !req
312. She's a master manipulator.Copy !req
313. I love her dearly, but you really ought
to know what you're getting into.Copy !req
314. Would you like another bourbon?Copy !req
315. No, thanks.Copy !req
316. Can I ask you guys something?Copy !req
317. As long as it doesn't involve
asking us for money.Copy !req
318. No, it doesn't.Copy !req
319. Does the name "Nathaniel"
have any significance to you?Copy !req
320. Well, sure. Nathaniel and Isabel.Copy !req
321. Brenda adored these books as a little girl.Copy !req
322. She could read by the time she was 3.Copy !req
323. - What are they about?
- Two orphans who had adventures.Copy !req
324. They ran away from an orphanage.Copy !req
325. There was a malevolent nurse
who was always hunting them down...Copy !req
326. but they always managed
to outsmart her.Copy !req
327. Typical infantile wish fulfillment.Copy !req
328. - I've never even heard of them.
- They're British, quite dark.Copy !req
329. People die in them all the time.Copy !req
330. When Brenda's brother was born...Copy !req
331. we expected serious displacement
anxiety from her, but there was none.Copy !req
332. She would sit next to his crib
and read him these stories for hours.Copy !req
333. - She was what then, Bern, 4?
- 5 at most.Copy !req
334. It's all in the book.Copy !req
335. This book?Copy !req
336. You mean, she didn't tell
you about that either?Copy !req
337. I feel terrible,Copy !req
338. - I'm sorry I snapped at Grandma,
- Yeah, huh?Copy !req
339. That was a pretty Freaky Friday moment
we had back there,Copy !req
340. Ruthie, I am so glad you called.Copy !req
341. Ginnie and I would never allow
ourselves this kind of food...Copy !req
342. unless it were a really
special occasion.Copy !req
343. We are definitely gonna have to do
an extra spinning class this week.Copy !req
344. Tomorrow morning?Copy !req
345. - Who's teaching?
- Derek.Copy !req
346. I'm so there.Copy !req
347. Mom and I have the hugest crush
on this spinning instructor at the Y.Copy !req
348. He is hot, hot, hot.Copy !req
349. So, Claire, have you thought
about college?Copy !req
350. Yeah.Copy !req
351. I'd love to go to, like,
NYU or Columbia...Copy !req
352. but I don't know
if I could ever get in, so...Copy !req
353. Well, there are some great schools
in L.A.Copy !req
354. Why would you want to go to school
in the same town you grew up in?Copy !req
355. I go to Cal State
right here in San Berdoo.Copy !req
356. - Well, whatever rocks your boat.
- Claire.Copy !req
357. Hey, I love it.Copy !req
358. By living at home, I'm saving
a ton of money for grad school.Copy !req
359. I'm not stuck in a crappy dorm
where everyone's smoking pot...Copy !req
360. and playing loud music all the time.Copy !req
361. And I don't have to call campus police
every time I walk home from the library...Copy !req
362. so that I don't get raped.Copy !req
363. - And I like to stay close to my mom.
- That translates to: I do her laundry.Copy !req
364. Oh, that's not true.Copy !req
365. I love my mom,
and I'm not ashamed of it.Copy !req
366. Thank you, honey. I love you too.Copy !req
367. Okay, anybody want more?Copy !req
368. - So how was it?
- Oh, it was quite informative.Copy !req
369. I know what Nathaniel means now.
I know you have an IQ of 185.Copy !req
370. I know you had a book
written about you.Copy !req
371. Here, I signed it for you.Copy !req
372. Why didn't you just tell me about this?Copy !req
373. People always change after they read it.
I was trying to make the fun part last.Copy !req
374. Oh, God! So you're kind of
scarily brilliant, I can handle that.Copy !req
375. What I can't handle is the way
you keep mind-fucking me...Copy !req
376. for your personal entertainment.
It's really starting to piss me off.Copy !req
377. I'm sorry I'm not a well-behaved,
little nothing that never challenges you...Copy !req
378. but if that's what you're looking for,
you might as well just leave right now.Copy !req
379. So, what, you're trying
to drive me away?Copy !req
380. Yeah, Nate, I'm trying
to drive you away.Copy !req
381. It was my mother's idea
that I not be there...Copy !req
382. which is fine by me.
I don't really enjoy their company.Copy !req
383. She said it was your idea.Copy !req
384. Yeah, she would. She probably
believes that. She's out of her mind.Copy !req
385. You could've warned me
what I was walking into.Copy !req
386. You wouldn't have gone.Copy !req
387. I just wanted to get it all
out of the way.Copy !req
388. Them, the book, everything.Copy !req
389. Yeah, well, I felt like a fucking lab rat
over there!Copy !req
390. Yeah, that's what they do!Copy !req
391. I'm 6 years old, I score through the roof
on some standardized, biased test...Copy !req
392. and it all becomes about them!Copy !req
393. They hand me over to strangers,
experts, a bunch of academic fucks...Copy !req
394. who scrutinized everything I did
or said or thought even.Copy !req
395. It is a fucking law of physics
that the very act of observation...Copy !req
396. changes that which is being observed.Copy !req
397. And now you're gonna read that book
and think that you know me.Copy !req
398. - Well, you know what? You don't.
- Yeah, because you won't let me.Copy !req
399. Okay, fine.
What do you want to know?Copy !req
400. Ask me anything.Copy !req
401. Did you burn down that house
that we made love in?Copy !req
402. You think I burned down the house?Copy !req
403. Really? That is so weird!Copy !req
404. Well, what am I supposed to think?Copy !req
405. You put my brother and me
in the bus that killed our father.Copy !req
406. You get weird phone calls from
screaming people you won't explain.Copy !req
407. Now you wanna make me
feel stupid for being suspicious?Copy !req
408. Give me a fucking reason not to be!Copy !req
409. I just want to know what this is...Copy !req
410. for you.Copy !req
411. Am I just another step along your way?Copy !req
412. Okay, look...Copy !req
413. we obviously have
an intense sexual connection...Copy !req
414. and yes, I would like for there to be
something more than that.Copy !req
415. But that can't ever happen until you
trust me, which apparently you don't.Copy !req
416. Should I trust you?Copy !req
417. Yes.Copy !req
418. Come here.Copy !req
419. R-A...Copy !req
420. K- E.Copy !req
421. Triple letter score for K.
Good one, Mom.Copy !req
422. H-E-L-L.Copy !req
423. H-E-L-L...Copy !req
424. O.Copy !req
425. Hello.Copy !req
426. D...Copy !req
427. E...Copy !req
428. F...Copy !req
429. T.Copy !req
430. Deft. What is deft?Copy !req
431. Well, it's a laundry detergent
from when Ruth and I were kids.Copy !req
432. No, it's a word.
It means skilled.Copy !req
433. Really? Use it in a sentence.Copy !req
434. He deftly juggled his responsibilities.Copy !req
435. Deft.Copy !req
436. Or "Deft, where ith thy sting?"Copy !req
437. So how you both doing,
you know, with Nathaniel passing?Copy !req
438. - Better every day.
- You know, shit happens.Copy !req
439. You know, it's such an awful thing,
losing someone you love.Copy !req
440. In terms of stress, it's right up there
with moving and getting fired.Copy !req
441. I know when Ed and I split up,
I was devastated.Copy !req
442. I didn't even want to get out of bed.
I just wanted to curl up and die.Copy !req
443. And all I can say is, thank God
for my precious daughter.Copy !req
444. Well, I just wouldn't let her mope.
Just wouldn't let her.Copy !req
445. Dragged her ass,
pardon my French, out of bed...Copy !req
446. and took her to spinning class
with me.Copy !req
447. And I hated her for it at the time,
but it really got me back on track.Copy !req
448. You know, endorphins really are
nature's antidepressants.Copy !req
449. Life goes on. It doesn't go on by itself.Copy !req
450. Sometimes you just gotta
kick it in the butt.Copy !req
451. But Ed didn't die.Copy !req
452. He's still alive. You can still see him.Copy !req
453. When Ginnie gets married,
you'll both be there.Copy !req
454. When she has children,
they'll be able to know him.Copy !req
455. He's not gone forever.Copy !req
456. Yeah, well, sure, but...Copy !req
457. in terms of the impact
it had on both our lives...Copy !req
458. it's similar.Copy !req
459. Okay, I have the greatest idea.Copy !req
460. You guys are coming to spinning class
with us tomorrow, bright and early.Copy !req
461. No offense, but I'd rather drive
a rusty railroad spike through my skull.Copy !req
462. Oh, just try it once.Copy !req
463. You might be surprised
how it changes the way you feel.Copy !req
464. - I feel fine.
- You know what, Ginnie?Copy !req
465. That is absolutely an inspired idea!Copy !req
466. Okay, ladies, let's get to bed. Because
if your butt isn't on that bike by 6 a. M...Copy !req
467. Derek doesn't let you in.Copy !req
468. So these tits do nothing for you, huh?Copy !req
469. Well, I can appreciate
that they are beautiful...Copy !req
470. in their own completely artificial way.Copy !req
471. Men loved them.
Well, real men.Copy !req
472. You think God cares that you're gay?Copy !req
473. You think God cares
that you fucked 30 guys at once?Copy !req
474. Oh, so you equate being a fag
with being a whore?Copy !req
475. - No.
- One's okay, but one isn't?Copy !req
476. I think God appreciates it
when love's involved.Copy !req
477. Oh, honey.Copy !req
478. I loved every man I ever fucked
while I was fucking him.Copy !req
479. - What are you doing?
- Watching you.Copy !req
480. Claire, wake up. Get dressed.Copy !req
481. - Why?
- We're leaving. Hurry.Copy !req
482. Jesus, Mom, I'm starting to feel
like Anne Frank.Copy !req
483. If we don't get out of here fast,
we'll have to go spinning.Copy !req
484. Oh, my God.Copy !req
485. - Let's go.
- Wait.Copy !req
486. What are you doing?
What are you doing?Copy !req
487. Thanks for buying me breakfast.Copy !req
488. Thank you for finding
my G-spot this morning.Copy !req
489. Anytime.Copy !req
490. Oh, I have something for you.Copy !req
491. Wow.Copy !req
492. - Oh, come on, it's just a key.
- No, this is great.Copy !req
493. I'm a little surprised, that's all.Copy !req
494. I'm too nervous to eat.Copy !req
495. I'll just drink coffee
until I start twitching and sweating.Copy !req
496. Why does being a deacon
mean so much to you now?Copy !req
497. - It wasn't a consideration a week ago.
- I know you think it's naive...Copy !req
498. but I see it as a chance
to make a difference...Copy !req
499. make the world a little more tolerant.Copy !req
500. David, we have our own church
in West Hollywood...Copy !req
501. which means the other churches
and dioceses don't have to tolerate us.Copy !req
502. Frankly, I resent the notion
that I need to be tolerated.Copy !req
503. So, what, we should just allow
ourselves to be ghettoized?Copy !req
504. Why do you embrace an organization
that doesn't embrace you?Copy !req
505. - The church embraces everyone.
- Right. Hate the sin, love the sinner.Copy !req
506. - The operative word being "hate."
- What is with you?Copy !req
507. The other night you said
you liked the idea.Copy !req
508. I had a chance to think.Copy !req
509. Isn't that your brother?Copy !req
510. Okay, look, can we just have breakfast...Copy !req
511. without me feeling like I'm George Will
and you're Cokie Roberts with PMS?Copy !req
512. You probably like George Will.Copy !req
513. Dave.Copy !req
514. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
515. Keith, you remember my brother Nate,
don't you?Copy !req
516. - How's it going?
- Hey.Copy !req
517. This is Brenda.Copy !req
518. My...Copy !req
519. - My girlfriend.
- I prefer the term "fuck puppet."Copy !req
520. So, what are you guys doing here,
you just play racquetball?Copy !req
521. - No. No, we just worked out.
- Oh, so you guys work out together?Copy !req
522. Yeah.Copy !req
523. Yeah, we do.Copy !req
524. Oh, well, that's great.Copy !req
525. Okay, great.Copy !req
526. Okay, you guys have a great day.Copy !req
527. You too.Copy !req
528. Bye, David.Copy !req
529. Oh, my God, I think David is gay.Copy !req
530. I think David is lucky.
Did you get a look at that guy?Copy !req
531. Claire.Copy !req
532. I had an affair.Copy !req
533. For the last two years
I was seeing someone.Copy !req
534. Your father never knew about it.
At least, I hope he didn't.Copy !req
535. And I called it off after he died.Copy !req
536. It's not something I'm proud of.Copy !req
537. - Why are you telling me this?
- Because it's the truth.Copy !req
538. And whatever relationship
you and I have, I want it to be honest...Copy !req
539. even if you hate me.Copy !req
540. Mom, I don't hate you.Copy !req
541. I remember going to the movies
on Monday nights...Copy !req
542. but I'm 17 years old now,
and I have my own life.Copy !req
543. And there's things I have
to figure out on my own.Copy !req
544. And that's, like, normal.Copy !req
545. And I know stealing a foot is weird...Copy !req
546. but hello, living in a house where
a foot is available to be stolen is weird.Copy !req
547. I gotta get to school.Copy !req
548. - Did you see his face?
- Oh, man.Copy !req
549. I know I shouldn't be laughing,
but he looked so stupefied.Copy !req
550. The way he was all,
"Great, great. I'm hip, I'm cool."Copy !req
551. Proud of you, man.Copy !req
552. So listen, this thing in Laguna
is Saturday night.Copy !req
553. I got us a room at the Surf and Sand.
You ever been there?Copy !req
554. - No.
- Man, it's gonna be great.Copy !req
555. We got a fireplace
overlooking the ocean.Copy !req
556. Keith, I don't think I can make it after all.Copy !req
557. I shouldn't miss church, not while
they're considering me for a deaconship.Copy !req
558. - I'm sorry.
- Fine.Copy !req
559. We'll come back Saturday night.Copy !req
560. - That'll work.
- I can go to church with you on Sunday.Copy !req
561. That's not a good idea.Copy !req
562. This hasn't been a good idea
from the beginning, has it?Copy !req
563. Fine, why don't we cut our losses...Copy !req
564. and call it quits right now?
- What?Copy !req
565. Look, as long as you feel the need
to keep our relationship a secret...Copy !req
566. David, you're ashamed of it!
I'm not having any of that, not anymore.Copy !req
567. - I just came out to my brother.
- One step forward.Copy !req
568. Now you want to take a giant leap
backwards into the arms of the enemy.Copy !req
569. So now I'm a Nazi collaborator?Copy !req
570. A lot of African-Americans might say
the same thing about you...Copy !req
571. being a member of the L.A.P.D.Copy !req
572. You fucking coward!Copy !req
573. Keith, please don't...Copy !req
574. It works.Copy !req
575. I must have left the stereo on again.Copy !req
576. So you are not too freaked out?Copy !req
577. A little, maybe.Copy !req
578. It makes David more interesting.Copy !req
579. No, I mean about me giving you
a key to my apartment.Copy !req
580. What do you think I am, an aging
Peter Pan who's gonna disappear...Copy !req
581. at the sign of something permanent?
- Well, yeah.Copy !req
582. You're one to talk. You couldn't even
allow me to refer to you as my girlfriend.Copy !req
583. Don't mind me.Copy !req
584. I thought we agreed that you would call
before you came over.Copy !req
585. I did. The hot water's out in my building.
I needed to take a shower.Copy !req
586. Don't be mad at me.Copy !req
587. You know I hate it
when you're mad at me.Copy !req
588. Hey, it's me,
I need to use your shower, okay?Copy !req
589. Besides, I haven 't seen you in a while,
and it's a fucking gorgeous day,Copy !req
590. - Satisfied?
- I'm going to make a cup of tea.Copy !req
591. Hey...Copy !req
592. I'll take one of those.
- Hey, you behave yourself.Copy !req
593. Hi. What's your name?Copy !req
594. - Nate.
- Nice to meet you. I'm Billy.Copy !req
595. Hi.Copy !req
596. So how long you known Brenda?Copy !req
597. A few months.Copy !req
598. So...Copy !req
599. Who am I and why am I in your
girlfriend's house practically naked?Copy !req
600. - Yeah.
- She's my sister.Copy !req
601. She's my mother. Sister. My mother.Copy !req
602. Sorry. Nobody's ever laughed at that.
I should know better.Copy !req
603. It's nice to meet you.Copy !req
604. - So you met the parents yet?
- Yes, last night.Copy !req
605. Wow.Copy !req
606. You've made it pretty far.Copy !req
607. So why haven't I heard about you?Copy !req
608. No idea.Copy !req
609. Well, I guess I better go
put some clothes on.Copy !req
610. How'd you get her breasts synchronized?
Some sort of industrial epoxy?Copy !req
611. Would you ask Colonel Sanders
for his secret recipe?Copy !req
612. Oh, come on, I'm not gonna tell.Copy !req
613. I stuck a can of cat food
under each one.Copy !req
614. My sister-in-law did
a cat food commercial.Copy !req
615. We've got like 10 cases.Copy !req
616. Hey. I'm Larry Wadd.Copy !req
617. You know...Copy !req
618. I met Viveca St. John
before she even did her first video.Copy !req
619. Yeah, she was...Copy !req
620. She was the fluffer
on the set of Dirty Larry 3.Copy !req
621. She was...Copy !req
622. friendly. She was eager.Copy !req
623. I can honestly say I've never received
a better blowjob in my life.Copy !req
624. And nobody was even filming it.Copy !req
625. When I first met Viveca,
I met her on Deep Diving.Copy !req
626. Thank you.Copy !req
627. And I had never gone down on a girl
before. So naturally, I was nervous...Copy !req
628. but Viveca was so warm
and relaxed about it.Copy !req
629. She really put me at ease.Copy !req
630. Well, her and the two Xanax
she gave me.Copy !req
631. And when I first had to do
a double penetration...Copy !req
632. I was, like, a total wreck.Copy !req
633. But Viveca came through
like such the pro she is.Copy !req
634. I mean was.Copy !req
635. - Nate, what the hell is going on in there?
- A funeral.Copy !req
636. For whom? A prostitute?Copy !req
637. A woman who was a star
of adult videos.Copy !req
638. Mom, we're gonna clear
8 grand from this.Copy !req
639. We can finally pay for all that
air conditioning work.Copy !req
640. I'm just glad your sister is at school.Copy !req
641. It was awful.
They're like best friends.Copy !req
642. They're both like cheerleaders
with this totally plastic way of life...Copy !req
643. like spinning class solves everything...Copy !req
644. and they're both hot
for the same guy. It was creepy.Copy !req
645. My mom's...Copy !req
646. My mom is just so fucking sad.Copy !req
647. And I wish I could help her.Copy !req
648. So help her.Copy !req
649. Now, Mrs. Murdoch, some people
prefer the solemnity of a church...Copy !req
650. and St. Bartholomew
is a beautiful setting.Copy !req
651. Here, however, one is more free
to customize the service.Copy !req
652. I'm sorry to interrupt.
I just had to tell somebody.Copy !req
653. Viveca looks so great.
Her tits have never looked better.Copy !req
654. She was like a sister to me.Copy !req
655. I'm so glad that you're pleased.Copy !req
656. We want to remember her
at her very best, don't we?Copy !req
657. Now, I'm sorry, but I'm helping
some other people right now.Copy !req
658. - Okay.
- I'll talk to you after the service?Copy !req
659. Okay.Copy !req
660. I think we'll have Dad's service
at the church.Copy !req
661. Fine.Copy !req
662. I'm not a religious man,
but I do believe in God.Copy !req
663. If I were to make a list of the things
I thank God for the most...Copy !req
664. fucking Viv would be
at the top of that list.Copy !req
665. She was a goddamn force of nature.Copy !req
666. And I loved her.
And I know God loved her too.Copy !req
667. I know he knew
just what he was doing...Copy !req
668. and how much joy...Copy !req
669. she would bring to the world.Copy !req
670. For David James Fisher,
chosen deacon in your church...Copy !req
671. we pray to you, O Lord.
- Lord, hear our prayer.Copy !req
672. That he may faithfully fulfill
the duties of this ministry...Copy !req
673. build up your church
and glorify your name...Copy !req
674. we pray to you, O Lord.
- Lord, hear our prayer.Copy !req
675. That by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit
he may be sustained and encouraged...Copy !req
676. to persevere to the end...Copy !req
677. we pray to you, O Lord.
- Lord, hear our prayer.Copy !req
678. For all who fear God
and believe in you, Lord Christ...Copy !req
679. that our divisions may cease
and that all may be as one...Copy !req
680. as you and the Father are one.Copy !req
681. - We pray to you, O Lord.
- Lord, hear our prayer.Copy !req
682. Way to go, Dave.Copy !req
683. All I have to do is join the Kiwanis club...Copy !req
684. and Fisher & Sons will have
all our bases covered.Copy !req
685. Where's Keith?Copy !req
686. He's just a friend, Nate.Copy !req
687. - Very good to see you.
- Hello.Copy !req
688. So, Mom, what are you doing
tomorrow night?Copy !req
689. Nothing as far as I know. Why?Copy !req
690. I thought maybe you'd want to go see
a movie or rent a movie or something.Copy !req
691. Okay, but if you cry,
the whole thing is off.Copy !req
692. Thanks for coming today.Copy !req
693. - I know you must've found this a little...
- Are you kidding? I loved it.Copy !req
694. All that pageantry, it's so trippy.
It's like a Fellini movie.Copy !req
695. Well, it was kind of cool being with you
here in front of God and everybody.Copy !req
696. - You don't really believe in God, do you?
- Well, yeah.Copy !req
697. I mean, I don't believe in some bearded,
old, white man up in a cloud...Copy !req
698. but I believe in something.Copy !req
699. Some sort of undefinable creative force.Copy !req
700. I think it's just all totally random.Copy !req
701. Really?Copy !req
702. Yeah.Copy !req
703. We live, we die.
Ultimately, nothing means anything.Copy !req
704. How can you live like that?Copy !req
705. I don't know. Sometimes
I wake up so fucking empty...Copy !req
706. I wish I'd never been born,
but what choice do I have?Copy !req