1. Should I look at the... camera or you?Copy !req
2. You can just talk to me. Can you introduce yourself?Copy !req
3. Sure, yeah. Um...Copy !req
4. Uh, my name is Richard Hendricks,Copy !req
5. and I'm the— -Documentarian: Could you...?Copy !req
6. My name is Richard Hendricks. I'm, uh,Copy !req
7. the founder and CEO of Pied Piper.Copy !req
8. I think like most people, I first heard aboutCopy !req
9. Pied Piper at TechCrunch Disrupt.Copy !req
10. Middle-out was a game changer.Copy !req
11. The winner of this year is Pied Piper.Copy !req
12. What you have to understand is conventional compressionCopy !req
13. was like rubbing two sticks together.Copy !req
14. And along comes Pied Piper, out of nowhere,Copy !req
15. with a frickin' blowtorch.Copy !req
16. Well, we had really just startedCopy !req
17. um, a few months earlier,Copy !req
18. and like a bunch of other Silicon Valley companies,Copy !req
19. we were just working out of a garage.Copy !req
20. Or a house, really.Copy !req
21. Nice place? -No.Copy !req
22. It was like a shit hole,Copy !req
23. but there was so much shit in it,Copy !req
24. it was filled all the way up.Copy !req
25. So, it was, like, level with the ground.Copy !req
26. If that's true, there was a little meniscusCopy !req
27. in the shit, and that's where...Copy !req
28. our dreams lived.Copy !req
29. Not the kind of house you wanna take your shoes off in.Copy !req
30. Yeah, just fuckin' smelled really bad.Copy !req
31. It was all right.Copy !req
32. Oh, I was the sloppy girlCopy !req
33. in the discotheque, just twirling and twirlingCopy !req
34. like the night would never end.Copy !req
35. Jian-Yang won the house from me in a game of chance.Copy !req
36. He told me to pick a number between one and 10.Copy !req
37. I picked seven, um, but it was three.Copy !req
38. Eh, you live, you learn.Copy !req
39. We had knocked around for a few years,Copy !req
40. trying different iterations of what we wanted to do.Copy !req
41. It was at RussFest when things really got crazy for us.Copy !req
42. It was so much money.Copy !req
43. So much.Copy !req
44. Yeah. Times were good.Copy !req
45. Uh, DJ Mad Evil,Copy !req
46. could we cut the music for a second?Copy !req
47. I have a surprise for everybody,Copy !req
48. and, um,Copy !req
49. suffice it to say,Copy !req
50. I think that everyone here is gonna want a sliceCopy !req
51. of this moist and scrumptious cake.Copy !req
52. We're gonna take a bite in three,Copy !req
53. two...Copy !req
54. Richard's in the cake!Copy !req
55. one. -Fuckin' Gabe.Copy !req
56. Surprise! -Copy !req
57. Wait a second! What's going on with the cake?Copy !req
58. Push from your thighs. -Copy !req
59. Oh God, are you okay? -Richard: Fine.Copy !req
60. - Handle broke. -Oh.Copy !req
61. - Doesn't matter. Oh, sorry. -I was right.Copy !req
62. Oh, don't worry about it.Copy !req
63. - Don't worry about it. It's fine. -Pictures...Copy !req
64. Okay, everybody.Copy !req
65. I'm here to tell youCopy !req
66. that it has all been worth it.Copy !req
67. - Woo! -Uh,Copy !req
68. because today,Copy !req
69. it finally happened.Copy !req
70. We just shippedCopy !req
71. the final build...Copy !req
72. of the PiperNet firmware for AT&T'sCopy !req
73. nationwide launch next week!Copy !req
74. What the fuck? Is that beer?Copy !req
75. No, you're not drinking that piss. We drink my piss!Copy !req
76. Tres Comas! -Oh.Copy !req
77. I just boughtCopy !req
78. all the Pied Piper sharesCopy !req
79. that some dentist in Phoenix had.Copy !req
80. Oh, no way. My dad's a dentist in Phoenix.Copy !req
81. Well, hopefully he's not an asshole like this guy.Copy !req
82. Big Head: Yeah, that would suck. -We could be talking...Copy !req
83. Cuatro Comas!Copy !req
84. Drink up, you fucks!Copy !req
85. No, no, no, just stop. Just stop. -Copy !req
86. How does he make it look so difficult?Copy !req
87. Another? Oh boy!Copy !req
88. Hey! There you are.Copy !req
89. I, uh, got you something.Copy !req
90. Oh, Monica.Copy !req
91. "Leaving AT&T.Copy !req
92. "Just dotted the I's, crossed the T's,Copy !req
93. and every single detail is perfect."Copy !req
94. - I sent this to you last week. -Yeah, and as soon as you did,Copy !req
95. I knew I had to frame it.Copy !req
96. Well, I mean, I had my assistant frame it, but you know.Copy !req
97. It's really awesome.Copy !req
98. Although...Copy !req
99. Are you sure this is what I sent to you?Copy !req
100. - Yeah. Why? -Okay.Copy !req
101. No, here.Copy !req
102. Huh. That's weird.Copy !req
103. Oh, it's because— It's actually kinda funny.Copy !req
104. Um, I'm not sure if you— -Jian-Yang: Richard, congratulations.Copy !req
105. It's your very close friend Jian-Yang,Copy !req
106. and I would like you to give me free sharesCopy !req
107. of Pied Piper.Copy !req
108. Okay, Jian-Yang. Uh...Copy !req
109. Well, you had plenty of opportunity to invest.Copy !req
110. - Still do. -Yeah, you can buy Pipercoin.Copy !req
111. Monica, two men are talking business.Copy !req
112. You can find your broom and fly away.Copy !req
113. Suit yourself. I just checked the ledger, and the coinCopy !req
114. we issued to Erlich was just sold for $20 million.Copy !req
115. Richard,Copy !req
116. is the mean lady right?Copy !req
117. Errich is now fat and rich?Copy !req
118. Uh, yeah, I guess.Copy !req
119. Where is he?Copy !req
120. I don't know.Copy !req
121. Tibet still, maybe.Copy !req
122. Okay.Copy !req
123. Tibet.Copy !req
124. Okay.Copy !req
125. Huh. -Documentarian: So, at this point,Copy !req
126. steaming into the launch, you had no ideaCopy !req
127. - what was about to happen. -No.Copy !req
128. No, none. None whatsoever.Copy !req
129. Everything was going...Copy !req
130. great.Copy !req
131. What the fuck is wrong with Richard?Copy !req
132. Why does he wanna see us so early?Copy !req
133. Well, he's been here all night.Copy !req
134. He wouldn't explain, but he is in a bit of a state.Copy !req
135. Hey, Richard? -Copy !req
136. Richard, they're here.Copy !req
137. Oh, great. Yeah. Sit, sit. Sit, sit.Copy !req
138. Why? -Just find a seat.Copy !req
139. Richard, what's wrong? -Richard: I don't know.Copy !req
140. Maybe nothing. Maybe something.Copy !req
141. Look, here, I wanna show you something. Um...Copy !req
142. You see? Okay. So, uh,Copy !req
143. this was a message I sent to Monica last week.Copy !req
144. She had it framed for me as a gift.Copy !req
145. Oh, I was gonna get you a gift, but, um,Copy !req
146. it was back-ordered, so it's coming next—Copy !req
147. Look at the dots. Count the dots.Copy !req
148. - Dots? -The dots! Look, look.Copy !req
149. "Every single detail is," dot-dot-dot, "perfect." Okay?Copy !req
150. There are three dots in that ellipsis,Copy !req
151. which is the correct number of dots. However,Copy !req
152. in the message that I sent her,Copy !req
153. there are...Copy !req
154. four dots, which is incorrect.Copy !req
155. Thus, not perfect. It was a joke.Copy !req
156. - Was it? -Yes. Was and is.Copy !req
157. Okay, well, uh, I didn't change your joke, Richard.Copy !req
158. That's what I got. Three dots.Copy !req
159. Wait, is it... three dots that's funny or is it four?Copy !req
160. Four, four, four. That's what I sent her, four.Copy !req
161. But our messaging is encrypted. So,Copy !req
162. how did what I send, four dots,Copy !req
163. end up as three dots in her feed?Copy !req
164. Data corruption, bit flip,Copy !req
165. - just a fluke. -Yeah, sure. Yeah, that's what I thought.Copy !req
166. So, then I checked the logs, read the math.Copy !req
167. The total size of all sent messagesCopy !req
168. should be the same as the total sizeCopy !req
169. of all received messages, right?Copy !req
170. But it's not. The received messages are smaller.Copy !req
171. How? How is that possible? Unless...Copy !req
172. our network...Copy !req
173. is compressing the contentCopy !req
174. of encrypted files in transit.Copy !req
175. And the only way that is possibleCopy !req
176. is by bypassing encryption.Copy !req
177. Well, that's impossible. -Richard: I agree.Copy !req
178. It makes no sense,Copy !req
179. but don't you think we should figure this out before launch?Copy !req
180. Richard, don't do this. Not now.Copy !req
181. We launch in four days.Copy !req
182. The TV spots are already running.Copy !req
183. We're not jeopardizing billions of dollarsCopy !req
184. because you're missing a dot.Copy !req
185. Should I get everyone in here to start working on this?Copy !req
186. Well— -Gilfoyle: We're beyond that.Copy !req
187. The others can't help us now.Copy !req
188. Jared, bolt the doors.Copy !req
189. What's in the bag?Copy !req
190. Clif bars and a gun.Copy !req
191. Gavin Belson: May I be honest?Copy !req
192. There was a period of my life in whichCopy !req
193. I would've rooted for the failure of Richard Hendricks.Copy !req
194. That was a different Gavin Belson. That was...Copy !req
195. tech icon Gavin Belson,Copy !req
196. not literary icon Gavin Belson.Copy !req
197. Since leaving Hooli, I've co-authoredCopy !req
198. 37 adult romance novels.Copy !req
199. Fondly, Margeaux. The Lighthouse Dancer.Copy !req
200. Cold Ice Cream and Hot Kisses.Copy !req
201. Over here, The Prince of Puget Sound.Copy !req
202. Uh, and lastly, His Hazel Glance.Copy !req
203. All international best sellers.Copy !req
204. Uh, G-Gavin. A moment, please.Copy !req
205. I'm so sorry. A moment.Copy !req
206. The fuck is your problem?Copy !req
207. Rod Morgenstern: You said that this would be an hour.Copy !req
208. Well, we're just running a little over.Copy !req
209. Yeah, with the lights, and the machines,Copy !req
210. and the sound equipment,Copy !req
211. how is this ever gonna be an hour?Copy !req
212. You're acting hysterical, all right?Copy !req
213. We'll have plenty of time to write this—Copy !req
214. Yeah, you know what? You know what?Copy !req
215. Do your— your little interview.Copy !req
216. I'll just write the book myself, okay?Copy !req
217. Well, if you could you would, but you can't.Copy !req
218. You're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you.Copy !req
219. Whoa, whoa, whoa...Copy !req
220. That's what Florian says to ClaudetteCopy !req
221. outside the cheese cave!Copy !req
222. Oh my God! That's our third act! -Rod: Third act!Copy !req
223. Yes! Okay, go, put the kettle on. -Rod: Yeah.Copy !req
224. I'm terribly sorry. I'm gonna have to cut this short.Copy !req
225. Thank you for coming.Copy !req
226. When Richard told me about the dots last night,Copy !req
227. initially, I dismissed it as the rantingCopy !req
228. of a self-sabotaging idiot.Copy !req
229. But a few hours later when I woke upCopy !req
230. in a stall in the second story men's bathroom,Copy !req
231. I realized something.Copy !req
232. That you're an alcoholic?Copy !req
233. Perhaps, but high-functioning.Copy !req
234. Much like our network. To wit...Copy !req
235. Our internal messaging, based on HooliChat,Copy !req
236. uses a weak encryption standardCopy !req
237. known as P-256.Copy !req
238. Whether Richard believes it or not,Copy !req
239. our network cracked it.Copy !req
240. Who allowed it to do that?Copy !req
241. We did, when we gave it one job.Copy !req
242. To make itself more efficient.Copy !req
243. It developed a general solutionCopy !req
244. to discrete log in polynomial time.Copy !req
245. What?Copy !req
246. Okay, is this a good thingCopy !req
247. or a bad thing? Someone tell me how to feel.Copy !req
248. Abject terror for you. Build from there.Copy !req
249. Once launched,Copy !req
250. our AI will keep learning to breakCopy !req
251. more and more sophisticated parameters.Copy !req
252. Ultimately, this will mean the endCopy !req
253. of privacy.Copy !req
254. Electrical grids,Copy !req
255. financial institutions,Copy !req
256. the nuclear launch codesCopy !req
257. for every single nuclear weapon.Copy !req
258. All will be exposed.Copy !req
259. Pure violence will becomeCopy !req
260. the only basis of power.Copy !req
261. Spare us the apocalyptic desert planetCopy !req
262. sci-fi bullshit, Frank Herbert.Copy !req
263. Uh, Frank Herbert was a writer who wrote a series of—Copy !req
264. I know who fucking Frank Herbert is.Copy !req
265. Oh. I'm sorry.Copy !req
266. Was that gendered?Copy !req
267. That was gendered. -Richard: Okay, Gilfoyle.Copy !req
268. Even if everything you're saying is right,Copy !req
269. and that's where we're headed,Copy !req
270. there's gotta be a way to fix it.Copy !req
271. Fix what, Richard? The network is doingCopy !req
272. exactly what we told it to do.Copy !req
273. The AI is optimizing the compressionCopy !req
274. and the compression is optimizing the AI.Copy !req
275. Everything that makes it successfulCopy !req
276. is exactly what makes it dangerous.Copy !req
277. It's a feature, not a bug.Copy !req
278. No, no, no. Okay, no.Copy !req
279. What are we gonna do about it?Copy !req
280. What do you suggest we do about it?Copy !req
281. You're gonna make me say it, aren't you?Copy !req
282. Fine.Copy !req
283. We built a monster.Copy !req
284. We need to kill it.Copy !req
285. Fuck. -Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
286. No, no, no, no, no, Gilfoyle.Copy !req
287. We didn't build a monster, first of all.Copy !req
288. We built the single greatestCopy !req
289. fucking network, ever, in the world.Copy !req
290. That's the big one.Copy !req
291. And I'm sorry, you wanna kill it?Copy !req
292. Now? Now? Now?Copy !req
293. We are inches away from the finish line.Copy !req
294. You wanna fucking kill it?Copy !req
295. We did it, man! We built it! It works!Copy !req
296. It just needs a little help! We just gotta fix it, okay?Copy !req
297. We don't kill it!Copy !req
298. That's crazy, man! Kill yourself is the thing.Copy !req
299. Fuck you.Copy !req
300. I mean...Copy !req
301. that's crazy.Copy !req
302. When people ask me about Pied Piper,Copy !req
303. I always tell them the same thing.Copy !req
304. Are there other questions?Copy !req
305. Uh, yeah. Can you elaborate?Copy !req
306. Mm... yes.Copy !req
307. Will you?Copy !req
308. Ah...Copy !req
309. Hmm...Copy !req
310. Save it, Jared. I'm not in the mood for a pep talk.Copy !req
311. You know, if I learned anything from my time with Gwart,Copy !req
312. it's the power of just listening.Copy !req
313. Fucking Gilfoyle.Copy !req
314. Shut it down? Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
315. Throw everything away that we've been working toward?Copy !req
316. Not to mention the fact that we have a contractCopy !req
317. worth billions of dollars.Copy !req
318. Yeah, that's a lot of money.Copy !req
319. And what about all the other stuff we're gonna do?Copy !req
320. I mean, give internet to underserved communities,Copy !req
321. students in the homework gap, refugees, genomic research.Copy !req
322. Pied Piper can help scientists cure cancer.Copy !req
323. - And cancer is bad. -Cancer fuckin' sucks!Copy !req
324. "Hey, I'd like some cancer, please." No.Copy !req
325. And we have this beautiful baby,Copy !req
326. who is a little sick...Copy !req
327. But, apparently, it's now the devil,Copy !req
328. and we have to kill it.Copy !req
329. I vote we take it to the doctor, but fuck.Copy !req
330. I had a foster mother who thought I was the devilCopy !req
331. and that she had to kill me.Copy !req
332. And I think it was pretty traumatizing for her.Copy !req
333. And th-the odds...Copy !req
334. of Gilfoyle's stupid crazyCopy !req
335. doomsday scenario actually coming true are...Copy !req
336. I mean, we've had a nuclear arsenal for decades,Copy !req
337. and we're fine. I mean, outside of a couple...Copy !req
338. substantial blips. Two in particular.Copy !req
339. I'd say we're safer.Copy !req
340. The real killer is stress.Copy !req
341. Okay, sure, fine.Copy !req
342. Oppenheimer famously said he regrettedCopy !req
343. building the atom bomb and died in despair,Copy !req
344. but what the fuck does that have to do with anything?Copy !req
345. Oppenheimer. What a self-obsessed little bitch.Copy !req
346. What are we supposed to do, huh? What are we supposed to do?Copy !req
347. Fucking Gilfoyle. We'll just call up AT&TCopy !req
348. and say that our network is so goodCopy !req
349. that it'll eventually become some doomsday device,Copy !req
350. and we have no moral option but to destroy itCopy !req
351. before we let you release it? I mean...Copy !req
352. We're not doing it! We're not.Copy !req
353. - We're not. -Hey, Richard.Copy !req
354. Whatever you think is best, that's what we're gonna do.Copy !req
355. I mean, they just put up the billboard.Copy !req
356. She's a beauty, right?Copy !req
357. Fu—! Sorry, guys.Copy !req
358. - Gilfoyle's right. -Seriously?Copy !req
359. We're seriously doing this? We're canceling the launch?Copy !req
360. Well, no. Uh, ha, that's not enough.Copy !req
361. Our network is dangerous.Copy !req
362. If we cancel it or shut it down,Copy !req
363. then others will try to copyCopy !req
364. or reverse engineer everything that we've built.Copy !req
365. It's like...Copy !req
366. It's like the four-minute mile.Copy !req
367. Everybody thought it was impossible,Copy !req
368. until someone did it,Copy !req
369. and then everybody started doing itCopy !req
370. because they knew it could be done.Copy !req
371. Right. Roger Bannister.Copy !req
372. Now, imagine he'd gone into cardiac arrestCopy !req
373. and evacuated on himself and died.Copy !req
374. And as he lay there with his prolapsed anusCopy !req
375. peeking beneath the running shorts on his newly dead body,Copy !req
376. the crowd jeered and grimaced.Copy !req
377. That is what has to happen to us.Copy !req
378. We have to shit ourselves to death.Copy !req
379. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
380. He's right.Copy !req
381. Our launch has to fail, publicly...Copy !req
382. and spectacularly.Copy !req
383. Are you dumbfucks listening to yourselves?Copy !req
384. Because I am,Copy !req
385. and you are dumb.Copy !req
386. And fucks.Copy !req
387. Gilfoyle is willing to destroy everything we've builtCopy !req
388. just to prevent me from having money!Copy !req
389. Interesting.Copy !req
390. Is that Dinesh's Tesla?Copy !req
391. What?Copy !req
392. There's no one in it. -Gilfoyle: Correct.Copy !req
393. You have the Tesla mobile app on your phone,Copy !req
394. which communicates over the Pied Piper network.Copy !req
395. A few hours ago, I tasked said networkCopy !req
396. with providing me your TLS encryption key,Copy !req
397. which it just gave me.Copy !req
398. To verify that that key was correct,Copy !req
399. I decided to autodrive your carCopy !req
400. to the car wash on El Camino.Copy !req
401. It appears the key was correct,Copy !req
402. no? -Copy !req
403. Be careful, Charlotte.Copy !req
404. What encryption does Tesla use?Copy !req
405. Curve 25519,Copy !req
406. the most secure...Copy !req
407. discrete log parameter there is.Copy !req
408. Not anymore.Copy !req
409. Our network just blew it apart like a prolapsed anus.Copy !req
410. In only two hours and 47 minutes.Copy !req
411. The prosecution rests. -Monica: Okay, Dinesh,Copy !req
412. they're right. We have to fail,Copy !req
413. and it has to look like an accident,Copy !req
414. or else we could all go to prison.Copy !req
415. No, I cannot do it. -Gilfoyle: Of course you can.Copy !req
416. Your entire life has prepared you to publicly fail.Copy !req
417. You're just failing to see that right now.Copy !req
418. Don't insult me. I can fail circles around you losers.Copy !req
419. But will I?Copy !req
420. I'm gonna be honest with you.Copy !req
421. No offense to me,Copy !req
422. but I am greedy and unreliable,Copy !req
423. bordering on piece of shit.Copy !req
424. If there is a chanceCopy !req
425. to stop you guys from stopping you guys, I will do it.Copy !req
426. I will sabotage your sabotage.Copy !req
427. So, if this company needs to failCopy !req
428. epically, like fucking fail...Copy !req
429. you need to do it without me.Copy !req
430. Revoke my permissions.Copy !req
431. Delete my PiperMail account.Copy !req
432. I will use Gmail like a fucking basic bitch.Copy !req
433. Don't let me anywhere near that launch.Copy !req
434. I may beg, and I will lie to you.Copy !req
435. I cannot bribe you because I don't have any money.Copy !req
436. But I am too much of a liability.Copy !req
437. That is the most courageous act of cowardice I've ever seen.Copy !req
438. All this because of a fucking dot.Copy !req
439. Dinesh's car is at the Wendy's drive-thru.Copy !req
440. Anybody hungry?Copy !req
441. They call it PiperNet,Copy !req
442. and it's coming to your phone.Copy !req
443. Tomorrow at noon, the Pied Piper app will go liveCopy !req
444. on the latest 5G-equipped iOS and Android phonesCopy !req
445. in 10 major cities across the country.Copy !req
446. AT&T says, if things go as planned, PiperNet could beCopy !req
447. on more than a half billion devices within a year.Copy !req
448. And no one is more excited than technology super fans,Copy !req
449. like the ones behind me... -Copy !req
450. who are camping out all night to snagCopy !req
451. a limited edition Pied Piper-equipped smartphone.Copy !req
452. If their enthusiasm is anything to go by,Copy !req
453. then a lot more people may soon be lining upCopy !req
454. to pay the piper.Copy !req
455. I'm Jim Gittman, KCTW.Copy !req
456. All right, thanks, everyone! Appreciate y'all! Okay!Copy !req
457. I see you! I see you!Copy !req
458. Hey, does anyone want a bear claw?Copy !req
459. I just bought too many at the store,Copy !req
460. so I'm going around giving them away if anybody wantsCopy !req
461. - a bear claw or a cruller— -Whoa.Copy !req
462. You got one of the Pied Piper ratjacks made?Copy !req
463. Wait, there's a cool nickname for the jackets?Copy !req
464. Yeah, you even got Dinesh embroidered.Copy !req
465. Oh, he's my favorite, too.Copy !req
466. Wait.Copy !req
467. Oh my God. Holy shit!Copy !req
468. Dude, it's Dinesh!Copy !req
469. Yeah, Dinesh. I'm Dinesh Chugtai. -Copy !req
470. I'm the cofounder of Pied Piper,Copy !req
471. in an original ratjack.Copy !req
472. I can't wait for tomorrow!Copy !req
473. Don't worry about tomorrow! Today!Copy !req
474. Fuck tomorrow! -Girl: Uh,Copy !req
475. - can I get a selfie? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
476. - Okay, thank you! -Here we go.Copy !req
477. I am Pied Piper.Copy !req
478. - I am Pied Piper. -I am Pied Piper.Copy !req
479. I am Pied Piper...Copy !req
480. - Are we set? -Locked and loaded.Copy !req
481. The script I wrote will push a new buildCopy !req
482. from the supernode at the office the second you step on stage.Copy !req
483. No one here will see it. When we go live,Copy !req
484. all the nodes should start broadcasting noiseCopy !req
485. across common communication bands,Copy !req
486. jamming cell signals, knocking out Bluetooth,Copy !req
487. and fucking up every GPS unit for miles.Copy !req
488. - Good. -Yeah.Copy !req
489. They'll force us to shut it down...Copy !req
490. then it'll all be over.Copy !req
491. Good.Copy !req
492. Yeah. Good.Copy !req
493. Fuck.Copy !req
494. Richard? We're about to start.Copy !req
495. Yeah, let's go. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
496. I am Pied Piper.Copy !req
497. I am Pied Piper.Copy !req
498. Deep Voice: I am Pied Piper. -Copy !req
499. Hi. Uh, my name is Dinesh Chugtai.Copy !req
500. I wanna make sure I am not on the list for the launch today.Copy !req
501. Chugtai. Um... I don't see your name here.Copy !req
502. Okay, that's great. Oh, uh,Copy !req
503. could you also make sure there are no VIP lists I might be on?Copy !req
504. Chugtai. Spelled how it's pronounced.Copy !req
505. Okay. Uh... -"Chu,"Copy !req
506. and then "gtai."Copy !req
507. No, not here either.Copy !req
508. Oh, and these security guards?Copy !req
509. Are they your best guys? Like, will they stop me?Copy !req
510. Would they fuck me up?Copy !req
511. - I'm sorry, we— -Thank you so much.Copy !req
512. That's exactly the response I was looking for.Copy !req
513. I feel very confident I will not be getting intoCopy !req
514. the launch today. Thank you for not helping.Copy !req
515. Don't let me through.Copy !req
516. We are Pied Piper!Copy !req
517. Woo!Copy !req
518. Yes, hello. Uh... -Copy !req
519. I am Richard Hendricks, founder and CEO,Copy !req
520. and I am thrilled to welcome you allCopy !req
521. to the official launch of Pied Piper.Copy !req
522. - Hey, John. -Yeah.Copy !req
523. Here's your hot water.Copy !req
524. Okay.Copy !req
525. Hey, Gabe?Copy !req
526. There's something weird here.Copy !req
527. What is it?Copy !req
528. The code they're about to launch—Copy !req
529. it isn't the build we shipped.Copy !req
530. Someone just pushed a new build.Copy !req
531. Hey, John?Copy !req
532. Yeah?Copy !req
533. That's a mistake.Copy !req
534. We should change it back to the right code.Copy !req
535. Okay.Copy !req
536. Fast and powerful.Copy !req
537. Sounds a little bit like you, Andre Iguodala.Copy !req
538. Yes! -Andre: That's right, Richard Hendricks.Copy !req
539. And as a member of the NBA's all-defensive first team,Copy !req
540. I know a little something about cybersecurity.Copy !req
541. Would you say that Pied Piper is your MVP?Copy !req
542. "Most valuable phone"?Copy !req
543. Yeah, I would. -Copy !req
544. Uh, hey, Dinesh?Copy !req
545. Gabe, what are you doing here?Copy !req
546. You weren't answering your calls or texts,Copy !req
547. so I came here from the office.Copy !req
548. So, um, a weird version of the software, uh...Copy !req
549. was put online, so, uh...Copy !req
550. So?Copy !req
551. So, I reverted it to the version we shipped.Copy !req
552. Oh, I have the original weird one here...Copy !req
553. There's some photos of me in Hawaii.Copy !req
554. So, this was the version that was about to be deployed,Copy !req
555. then you switched it,Copy !req
556. and now we're about to launch the older version?Copy !req
557. Yes.Copy !req
558. So, if I do nothing,Copy !req
559. absolutely nothing...Copy !req
560. - Nothing? -... the "correct" versionCopy !req
561. of the network would launch?Copy !req
562. Uh, what do you mean by when you do that?Copy !req
563. - Just stretching my fingers. -Oh.Copy !req
564. But before I go, can you tell me,Copy !req
565. who let the dogs out? -Copy !req
566. Damn it! Okay, go. Thank you.Copy !req
567. Gilfoyle : Leave a message. Also,Copy !req
568. fuck you, Dinesh. -Copy !req
569. The supernode on the roof.Copy !req
570. Give it up for Menlo Bark!Copy !req
571. Weren't they fetching?Copy !req
572. Fucking hell, who wrote this shit?Copy !req
573. I...Copy !req
574. Guys! Comma.Copy !req
575. We have a huge fucking problem!Copy !req
576. Period. Fucking GabeCopy !req
577. reverted to the old build!Copy !req
578. Exclamation point, exclamation point!Copy !req
579. I got a group text from Dinesh.Copy !req
580. "Guys, come on. Fun king gamesCopy !req
581. pervert Oldsmobile"?Copy !req
582. - What? -Okay, so I've...Copy !req
583. shown you our...Copy !req
584. decentralized universal data exchange,Copy !req
585. our tamper-proof storage.Copy !req
586. I've shown you that you, and you alone,Copy !req
587. will control your personal data and your identity.Copy !req
588. All—Copy !req
589. All of us here at Pied Piper have workedCopy !req
590. so hard on this.Copy !req
591. We have given six sleepless,Copy !req
592. brutal years to this project,Copy !req
593. and I am...Copy !req
594. so proud of what we've done.Copy !req
595. Uh, so my mentor...Copy !req
596. the late Peter Gregory, uh,Copy !req
597. put us on the path to what we've created here.Copy !req
598. He called it,Copy !req
599. "the internet we deserve."Copy !req
600. We have fought every step of the wayCopy !req
601. to bring you the greatest networkCopy !req
602. ever made, ha. And in, uh...Copy !req
603. five minutes, 42 seconds,Copy !req
604. that fight is over.Copy !req
605. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
606. Dinesh, you fucking terrorist,Copy !req
607. what the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
608. Are you jerking off?Copy !req
609. Or did you do one push up?Copy !req
610. Quit being a fucking bitch.Copy !req
611. John F. Let me then make clear that I am determined upon our...Copy !req
612. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for a man,Copy !req
613. one giant leap for mankind.Copy !req
614. Hello?Copy !req
615. Dinesh is where?Copy !req
616. Tell him to fuck off. -You tell him.Copy !req
617. It's me! I'm here. I'm merged and I can hear you.Copy !req
618. Hold on.Copy !req
619. Hey. -Gilfoyle: We're all merged in.Copy !req
620. Richard, you are doing a great job.Copy !req
621. Jared, shut up. Richard, turn around.Copy !req
622. I'm behind you.Copy !req
623. Dinesh says that Gabe reverted us back to the prior buildCopy !req
624. from the supernode at the office.Copy !req
625. I cannot verify this because I'm not at a supernode.Copy !req
626. I'm across the stage from you, as you can see.Copy !req
627. But Dinesh is. He's on the roof.Copy !req
628. He wants me to give him back his permissions to deploy.Copy !req
629. So I can push out the right build.Copy !req
630. The wrong— The build, guys!Copy !req
631. The build we talked about! The build thatCopy !req
632. saves the world, but makes me poor!Copy !req
633. Question is, do we believe him?Copy !req
634. In fairness, there are a lot of reasons not to trust him,Copy !req
635. such as he told us not to trust him.Copy !req
636. Believe me! -But do we trust that?Copy !req
637. For once, I wanna do the right thing!Copy !req
638. Richard, I'm gonna need an answer.Copy !req
639. - I don't have much time. -The fate of the world literally relies on this.Copy !req
640. Richard, it's time.Copy !req
641. - Come on! -Okay.Copy !req
642. Richard, we need an answer.Copy !req
643. Ladies and gentlemen, we are at...Copy !req
644. Lawrence/Audience: Ten, nine,Copy !req
645. eight,Copy !req
646. seven, six...Copy !req
647. - Fuck it. Dinesh, you're in. -... five,Copy !req
648. - ... four... -Oh.Copy !req
649. three,Copy !req
650. two, one!Copy !req
651. Ladies and gentlemen, Pied Piper network...Copy !req
652. is officially live!Copy !req
653. The balloons are falling. Is that a good sign or a bad sign?Copy !req
654. Uh...Copy !req
655. The app is now available!Copy !req
656. We did it! -Monica: Where are you guys?Copy !req
657. Communications should be going haywire. Are they?Copy !req
658. I can still hear you, so phones must be working.Copy !req
659. Traffic is moving, so GPS must be working.Copy !req
660. He's right.Copy !req
661. GPS says I'm here, standing next to you,Copy !req
662. which seems to be accurate.Copy !req
663. Dinesh, you fucked us.Copy !req
664. No, he didn't. We are generating noise.Copy !req
665. Oh, okay. Sorry, Dinesh. -Dinesh: You're good.Copy !req
666. I'd expect me to fuck us, too.Copy !req
667. Problem. We haven't raised the noise far enoughCopy !req
668. to drown out even Bluetooth.Copy !req
669. Okay, so we're generating noise,Copy !req
670. but just not enough to interfere with anything?Copy !req
671. Is this gonna work?Copy !req
672. Did we just make billions of dollars?Copy !req
673. This wouldn't be happening if we had had time to test things.Copy !req
674. Fucking kidding me? We failed at failing? -Copy !req
675. Wait, why are they barking?Copy !req
676. Oh shit.Copy !req
677. Think we might be creating interference that's causingCopy !req
678. the speakers in the phones to resonate.Copy !req
679. And that's what bugging the dogs?Copy !req
680. No. Dogs shouldn't be bothered by that frequency.Copy !req
681. Well, then, what the fuck are they barking at?Copy !req
682. Please, ladies and gentlemen, please stay calm!Copy !req
683. Don't panic!Copy !req
684. Dear sweet mother of God.Copy !req
685. What have we done?Copy !req
686. Emily Chang: In a fairy tale turned nightmare come to life,Copy !req
687. thousands of rats streamed onto the streetsCopy !req
688. of San Francisco today. -Reporter: Pied Piper's phones broadcastingCopy !req
689. intense ultrasonic soundsCopy !req
690. that began repelling the rats.Copy !req
691. The streets of Seattle became the streets of Sea-rat-tle,Copy !req
692. and everyone was sleepless.Copy !req
693. Giants fans going home happy todayCopy !req
694. as the Cubs go down swinging to the—Copy !req
695. Holy shit! -Copy !req
696. They're calling it "Rat-mageddon." Yeah.Copy !req
697. Except in New York, where they're calling it Wednesday.Copy !req
698. They literally became the Pied Piper.Copy !req
699. I mean, you can't make that up.Copy !req
700. Yeah, maybe you couldn't...Copy !req
701. but I could.Copy !req
702. Oh, for fuck's sake.Copy !req
703. When you think about a lot of the failures in tech—Copy !req
704. Pets.com, Theranos, WeWork—Copy !req
705. Pied Piper really is right at the top of that list.Copy !req
706. Pied Piper is just a millstone around AT&T's neck!Copy !req
707. I say dump it! Dump it now!Copy !req
708. I lost so much fucking money with those guys.Copy !req
709. I got rat-fucked.Copy !req
710. That's a pun.Copy !req
711. I made it all back though. Sweet investmentCopy !req
712. in the hair transplant sector.Copy !req
713. What?Copy !req
714. Rats, ah, yes, we have some of them here.Copy !req
715. Figuratively.Copy !req
716. They are dealt with.Copy !req
717. And so, effective immediately,Copy !req
718. I am shutting down Pied Piper,Copy !req
719. deleting its code repositories,Copy !req
720. and liquidating its remaining assets.Copy !req
721. All right. That's our statement.Copy !req
722. We will not be taking any further—Copy !req
723. Can I just say that I am just...Copy !req
724. truly, deeply sorry.Copy !req
725. Uh, this should never have been built.Copy !req
726. It is... technically flawed to its very core.Copy !req
727. And we should all remember that...Copy !req
728. forevermore.Copy !req
729. Sorry.Copy !req
730. Obviously, Mr. Hendricks doesn't mean that in anyCopy !req
731. legally binding or actionable way. Get a life, guys.Copy !req
732. It's weird.Copy !req
733. It really seemed like Pied Piper was going to work.Copy !req
734. Something doesn't add up.Copy !req
735. So, I did the right thing,Copy !req
736. I helped save the world,Copy !req
737. my legs are still super sore,Copy !req
738. and my reward is that I'm poor.Copy !req
739. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
740. Not sure. Been thinking about teaching—Copy !req
741. No, not you.Copy !req
742. Oh, uh...Copy !req
743. I think I might disappear for a bit.Copy !req
744. Maybe travel.Copy !req
745. Yeah, I might travel, too.Copy !req
746. Where were you thinking?Copy !req
747. It may help if, at least for the time being,Copy !req
748. you pretend to be mad at me.Copy !req
749. Look, Richard, I was a world theater minor at Vassar,Copy !req
750. but that is one Javanese shadow play that I cannot perform.Copy !req
751. Come on, guys, let's cheer up.Copy !req
752. I mean, we set out to buildCopy !req
753. the best thing ever built, and that's what we did,Copy !req
754. right?Copy !req
755. We succeeded.Copy !req
756. And who can sayCopy !req
757. that they literally saved the world?Copy !req
758. - Right? -Not us.Copy !req
759. 'Cause we can't tell anyone what we did.Copy !req
760. Right. Not out loud, but...Copy !req
761. - You know. -Silence is on brand for me.Copy !req
762. Good luck, Dinesh.Copy !req
763. On the bright side...Copy !req
764. I found another box of these.Copy !req
765. Well, uh...Copy !req
766. I was, I was a little bit embarrassed, ha.Copy !req
767. Uh, so I just, uh,Copy !req
768. went off the grid for a bit. I-I-I traveled.Copy !req
769. I went to Tibet, actually, to try and find Erlich,Copy !req
770. but, uh, he was gone.Copy !req
771. And then, I came back,Copy !req
772. but no one really wanted to hire the guy behind Pied Piper.Copy !req
773. Uh, however,Copy !req
774. my best friend did hire me,Copy !req
775. and now I am the...Copy !req
776. Gavin Belson ProfessorCopy !req
777. of, uh, Ethics in Technology at Stanford University.Copy !req
778. Big Head: My name is, uh, Nelson Bighetti,Copy !req
779. and I'm the president of Stamford.Copy !req
780. Stanford.Copy !req
781. You graduates have a lot of responsibility.Copy !req
782. Finishing the important work of movements such as...Copy !req
783. "pound Met double zero,"Copy !req
784. and "title icks."Copy !req
785. So, I think I know, but-but why do they call you Big Head?Copy !req
786. Oh, yeah, just, you know,Copy !req
787. boys being boys. Making fun of my,Copy !req
788. my big old dome.Copy !req
789. It's not because your last name is Big-hetti?Copy !req
790. I'm the cofounder of Newell Road Strategic Technologies,Copy !req
791. one of the largest cybersecurity firms in the Bay Area.Copy !req
792. I am the cofounder ofCopy !req
793. Newell Road Strategic Technologies,Copy !req
794. - one of the largest cyber... -I literally just said that.Copy !req
795. - ... security firms... -I just said that.Copy !req
796. - You heard me say that. -... in the Bay Area.Copy !req
797. Things are better when I say them.Copy !req
798. Plus, they're definitely going to edit you out.Copy !req
799. If they're not gonna use it, why would they use it? That has—Copy !req
800. Why don't you tell them how you bought the house next to mineCopy !req
801. - because you love me so much. -Okay,Copy !req
802. fuck you.Copy !req
803. How's it going, guys?Copy !req
804. Meeting time.Copy !req
805. We have a meeting. -Dinesh: Mandatory.Copy !req
806. What do I do now? I, uh, I work forCopy !req
807. a non-profit in DC.Copy !req
808. It's a— it's a think tank, and-and we just...Copy !req
809. think about... stuff, you know.Copy !req
810. So, the NSA.Copy !req
811. The NSA? No, no, no.Copy !req
812. Farthest thing from the NSA.Copy !req
813. God. The NSA. That's...Copy !req
814. That's a really weird question to ask.Copy !req
815. Okay, Jell-O.Copy !req
816. I love working with the elderly. -One, two, one, two.Copy !req
817. It's like I get to have a bunch of parentsCopy !req
818. and also be their parent.Copy !req
819. No! No, no, no! Martin, Martin!Copy !req
820. She only has eyes for you.Copy !req
821. We were dancing as girlfriends, that's it.Copy !req
822. This fall, we actually had a herpes epidemicCopy !req
823. among the residents, which is bad medically, but...Copy !req
824. from another perspective, it's kind of touching.Copy !req
825. Okay, we're on our way to the hostel.Copy !req
826. God, I haven't been there in such a long time.Copy !req
827. It was just an...Copy !req
828. it was an incredible time in my life, you know?Copy !req
829. I never really thought that I would haveCopy !req
830. a group of male friends.Copy !req
831. You know, men just seem kinda mean and hard, but...Copy !req
832. these guys were as sweetCopy !req
833. and soft as rotten fruit.Copy !req
834. You got your book?Copy !req
835. Prince of Puget Sound?Copy !req
836. Oh, Judy!Copy !req
837. Hey, man.Copy !req
838. Hey, man.Copy !req
839. You okay?Copy !req
840. Yeah.Copy !req
841. I haven't seen you in forever.Copy !req
842. I saw you last weekend.Copy !req
843. You look great.Copy !req
844. Is that...Copy !req
845. is that a woman's scent?Copy !req
846. No, it's unisex.Copy !req
847. Big Head?Copy !req
848. Hey, Nelson.Copy !req
849. I work a lot with people who have dementia,Copy !req
850. and I just want you to know,Copy !req
851. it doesn't have to be a horror show.Copy !req
852. Oh, cool.Copy !req
853. Well hey, we're all here. -Gilfoyle: Let's go.Copy !req
854. Let's go see Jian-Yang, heh.Copy !req
855. You okay? Richard! -Richard: Fine.Copy !req
856. Uh... , hi there. Is, uh,Copy !req
857. is Jian-Yang here?Copy !req
858. Does he live here? We're— we're all old friends of his.Copy !req
859. No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
860. I bought the house years ago from his estate.Copy !req
861. Estate?Copy !req
862. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this,Copy !req
863. but Jian-Yang's dead.Copy !req
864. Uh...Copy !req
865. Okay, so he's dead. What do we do?Copy !req
866. It's different, but also the same.Copy !req
867. Hey, Gilfoyle.Copy !req
868. That's your horrible corner. It looks much better now.Copy !req
869. Changed a little bit.Copy !req
870. They fixed my hole.Copy !req
871. Don't do it again.Copy !req
872. No, I wouldn't. Obviously.Copy !req
873. I was emotionally charged.Copy !req
874. Oh, the drapes.Copy !req
875. Oh, that's a playful linen.Copy !req
876. Hi. I used to live here... -Girl: Hey.Copy !req
877. back when I was poor.Copy !req
878. - Cool. -No offense.Copy !req
879. None taken, I guess.Copy !req
880. - President Bighetti? -Whoa!Copy !req
881. - How did— how'd you know my name? -I go to Stanford.Copy !req
882. Oh, no way! I work at Stanford.Copy !req
883. - I'm the president. -Yeah, I know.Copy !req
884. What are you doing here?Copy !req
885. Um, I don't know. I think 'cause Jian-Yang died?Copy !req
886. - I'm not sure. -Who's that? Okay.Copy !req
887. So weird we're all back here.Copy !req
888. Except for Jian-Yang because he's dead.Copy !req
889. And Erlich.Copy !req
890. Has anyone talked to Erlich?Copy !req
891. Nope. No. But wherever he is,Copy !req
892. I hope he hasn't blown through all that money.Copy !req
893. He definitely has.Copy !req
894. Yeah, I'm sure he has.Copy !req
895. We're looking for Erlich Bachman.Copy !req
896. In the other village, they said that he was here.Copy !req
897. Is-is Erlich Bachman here?Copy !req
898. He's here? He's that way?Copy !req
899. It's up here? - Erlich Bachman!Copy !req
900. So, this is Erlich Bachman's house?Copy !req
901. - Erlich Bachman! -Fantastic.Copy !req
902. We're just here to see Erlich Bachman.Copy !req
903. Hello?Copy !req
904. Hello?Copy !req
905. Whoa, whoa, easy, easy. We're-we're friends.Copy !req
906. Are you Erlich Bachman?Copy !req
907. Jian-Yang: Yes. I'm Errich Bachman.Copy !req
908. I can show you ID.Copy !req
909. That's my face. I was a-fat,Copy !req
910. but now, I'm a-not fat.Copy !req
911. I'm sorry, this is supposed to be you?Copy !req
912. I have an idea.Copy !req
913. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa—Copy !req
914. I'm making the world a better place throughCopy !req
915. an intelligent, semi-autonomous agent,Copy !req
916. powered by distributed, DNA-based computeCopy !req
917. that automates personal planning and scheduling.Copy !req
918. Oh, bots. Sounds like an atrocity.Copy !req
919. Let's just hope you have better success than we did.Copy !req
920. Oh, what company did you have?Copy !req
921. Oh, here we go. -Copy !req
922. Uh, Pied Piper.Copy !req
923. Yep.Copy !req
924. I'm unfamiliar...Copy !req
925. Rat invasion...Copy !req
926. We... we were a big failure.Copy !req
927. Eight billion dollar valuation,Copy !req
928. down to zero in one day.Copy !req
929. Was that, like, a social media company?Copy !req
930. What? Pied Piper. -Gilfoyle: Are you fucking with us?Copy !req
931. Thank you guys so much for your time.Copy !req
932. Hey, guys.Copy !req
933. Guess what I accidentally brought in my bag.Copy !req
934. Oh, no way. -Copy !req
935. - Whoops. -Copy !req
936. We know this thing. -Dinesh: Wow.Copy !req
937. I need a beer if we're gonna do this.Copy !req
938. Richard, be careful.Copy !req
939. Can I do it? -All: Always blue!Copy !req
940. Always blue! Always blue! Always blue! Always blue!Copy !req
941. Always blue! Always blue...Copy !req
942. Okay. -All: Always blue.Copy !req
943. Always blue! Always blue!Copy !req
944. Always blue!Copy !req
945. Always blue! Aah!Copy !req
946. Regrets? Uh...Copy !req
947. No.Copy !req
948. No, I'm-I'm happy.Copy !req
949. And you don't, you don't feel badCopy !req
950. that you never got to...Copy !req
951. make the world a better place?Copy !req
952. Uh...Copy !req
953. I think we did okay.Copy !req
954. I...Copy !req
955. actually could, um...Copy !req
956. I... I still have it.Copy !req
957. One copy of the...Copy !req
958. Pied Piper codebase.Copy !req
959. I have it on a thumb drive. I could show it to you.Copy !req
960. We won't...Copy !req
961. look into it, but, um... -Copy !req
962. I just wanna show it to you.Copy !req
963. It's just got a couple things on there that I think...Copy !req
964. I, honestly, this was like whenCopy !req
965. we were coding the best we ever were,Copy !req
966. so some pieces of this thing are...Copy !req
967. sheer elegance. -Copy !req
968. I wish I could show it to everybodyCopy !req
969. because I wanna show it to my students.Copy !req
970. Not my class, but another...Copy !req
971. I know it was in the desk. -Copy !req
972. Okay, this is weird.Copy !req
973. Shit, okay.Copy !req
974. Where is it?Copy !req
975. It's or— it's orange. It's this big.Copy !req
976. It's just a thumb drive.Copy !req
977. So, is anyone— have any of your crew seen it or anything?Copy !req
978. I mean... right here.Copy !req
979. That's insa... -Copy !req
980. I had the...Copy !req
981. It's gotta be in the desk.Copy !req
982. Is it a problem?Copy !req
983. Um, no, not a problem. Um...Copy !req
984. It's just pretty fascinating. Although...Copy !req
985. if it isn't here...Copy !req
986. where is it?Copy !req