1. - A billion dollars? -Yes.Copy !req
2. A man offered us a billion dollars,Copy !req
3. and you said no?Copy !req
4. A very bad man, and he would've turned usCopy !req
5. into the worst possible version of ourselves.Copy !req
6. I mean, you can't put a price on ethics.Copy !req
7. But it seems you just did.Copy !req
8. One billion dollars.Copy !req
9. Monica... you were okay with this?Copy !req
10. Y-Yes?Copy !req
11. Richard,Copy !req
12. do you remember when you turned down $10 million from Gavin Belson?Copy !req
13. Did that start some sick addiction to turning down money?Copy !req
14. Are you just chasing that dragon, you sick junkie fuck?Copy !req
15. Now, Dinesh, look, if I'd taken that 10 million,Copy !req
16. you wouldn't own two and a half percent of everything we've built here!Copy !req
17. Two and a half percent of a billion dollars is $25 million!Copy !req
18. Yes, but, actually, the billion dollarsCopy !req
19. was to own ten percent of the company.Copy !req
20. So, not to split hairs, you would, uh, technically,Copy !req
21. be worth... 250 million.Copy !req
22. - Fuck! -Huh.Copy !req
23. At an interest rate of 3.65 percent,Copy !req
24. leaving a billion dollars in the bank would get youCopy !req
25. $36.5 million a year.Copy !req
26. That's a hundred grand a day. That's...Copy !req
27. - Sixty-nine dollars a minute. -Sixty-nine dollars a minute!Copy !req
28. Think about all the gold chainCopy !req
29. you could've bought with that money.Copy !req
30. I actually don't think...Copy !req
31. that interest rate is accurate because...Copy !req
32. - even a 30-year T-bill is only— -Two-point-nine percent.Copy !req
33. Two-point-nine. -Dinesh: All your blatheringCopy !req
34. just now would've made us $2.32.Copy !req
35. Again, I-I don't think that's right because,Copy !req
36. assuming an APR of three, I cost us well under two dollars,Copy !req
37. so it's not even... -Copy !req
38. Um, sorry, uh...Copy !req
39. Hello? -Maximo : Richard!Copy !req
40. It's Maximo.Copy !req
41. We are on the phone. How are you?Copy !req
42. Yeah, I know. I'm fine.Copy !req
43. We were just talking about you, myself and Colin.Copy !req
44. - Colin? -Oh, yes.Copy !req
45. Colin is here.Copy !req
46. He is making the peace sign to you.Copy !req
47. Now, you remember how you refused to take my money?Copy !req
48. Well, Colin, he did take my money. So,Copy !req
49. now he is leaving your network.Copy !req
50. Wait, to go where?Copy !req
51. Oh, to the network run by new friend, Laurie Bream.Copy !req
52. Now, you remember when I said if you did not take my money,Copy !req
53. it would be very bad for you?Copy !req
54. Well, let me tell you what is going to happen to you next.Copy !req
55. Which was too, too, too much for her,Copy !req
56. so she went down 51st Street to see Dr. X,Copy !req
57. who gave her eight pills, which left her...Copy !req
58. Boobless.Copy !req
59. - So, Colin's out. -Yes.Copy !req
60. So, our profits are... zero.Copy !req
61. It's worse than that. Maximo has bought all of Laurie's Pied Piper shares,Copy !req
62. as well as all the shares of Big Head's dad.Copy !req
63. He now owns 30 percent of the company.Copy !req
64. So, the only way we can raise money to stay aliveCopy !req
65. is by selling shares, but the second we do that...Copy !req
66. Maximo buys them.Copy !req
67. Yeah, and when he gets a majority stake,Copy !req
68. he can do whatever he wants.Copy !req
69. Shut us down, fire all of us,Copy !req
70. - take our IP to Laurie to use on her network. -He's starving us out.Copy !req
71. How long can we survive? -Gilfoyle: Well,Copy !req
72. the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years.Copy !req
73. Oh. Well, that's something.Copy !req
74. It ended in 1669,Copy !req
75. when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plagueCopy !req
76. after being attacked with the liquidCopy !req
77. from the spleens and buboes of the dead.Copy !req
78. What's a bubo?Copy !req
79. Plague-infested lymph nodes.Copy !req
80. So, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people?Copy !req
81. Fuck! Fuck.Copy !req
82. Richard, did you just try to punch the wall and miss?Copy !req
83. Nope. I clipped it. I got it.Copy !req
84. Sort of like that.Copy !req
85. I see. So,Copy !req
86. until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault,Copy !req
87. I-I technically can't turn myself in for it?Copy !req
88. That is correct.Copy !req
89. And what about a restraining order?Copy !req
90. Can I-I take one out against myself on his behalf?Copy !req
91. No.Copy !req
92. What if I threaten you guys? Just hear me out...Copy !req
93. Fucking pigs. I-I hope that you get cheated out of your overtime.Copy !req
94. How about that, dickless?Copy !req
95. Maybe you could just try calling the guy?Copy !req
96. Why were you talking to the police?Copy !req
97. Oh, it was just a personal issue.Copy !req
98. You should not bring them here.Copy !req
99. Fuck the police.Copy !req
100. Jian-Yang, you're not doing anything illegal here, are you?Copy !req
101. Yes.Copy !req
102. Where is everyone?Copy !req
103. Jared is bringing chaos to the house,Copy !req
104. and chaos is bad for our business.Copy !req
105. Yeah. What is our business?Copy !req
106. I told you, it's a better for both of us if you do not know.Copy !req
107. Oh, right. Yeah.Copy !req
108. We need to get rid of Gwart.Copy !req
109. It's the only way to get rid of Jared.Copy !req
110. Gwart.Copy !req
111. Yes.Copy !req
112. Richard?Copy !req
113. - Gavin. -You look like shit.Copy !req
114. So do you.Copy !req
115. What happened to your hand?Copy !req
116. I punched a wall.Copy !req
117. Cool.Copy !req
118. Want a drink?Copy !req
119. Don't you think it's a little early—Copy !req
120. It's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard.Copy !req
121. I'm not a fucking hobo.Copy !req
122. All I wanted to do was be a golden millionaire.Copy !req
123. Is that too much to ask?Copy !req
124. A millionaire that gets peed on?Copy !req
125. I could see you making half that happen.Copy !req
126. No, you have as many millions as your age.Copy !req
127. I mean, everyone in the Valley is swimming in money.Copy !req
128. Why not me?Copy !req
129. I believe your people have a concept for it.Copy !req
130. - Karma. -Firstly,Copy !req
131. I am Muslim from Pakistan, you fucking racist.Copy !req
132. Secondly, karma does not exist.Copy !req
133. Otherwise, it would mean that bad thingsCopy !req
134. happen to me because I'm a bad person.Copy !req
135. Check... and check.Copy !req
136. Oh, I'm a bad person?Copy !req
137. Says the guy who literally worships Satan.Copy !req
138. I am a great guy.Copy !req
139. In my youth, I would've argued that life is justCopy !req
140. a series of random events, devoid of any meaning.Copy !req
141. But as a data scientist, I have to recognizeCopy !req
142. that sometimes, patterns emerge.Copy !req
143. Undeniable patterns.Copy !req
144. Get right with the universe.Copy !req
145. Dinesh?Copy !req
146. Yo! -Dinesh: Hey.Copy !req
147. What is up, my cousin?Copy !req
148. - Oh! -Hey, uh, Gilfoyle,Copy !req
149. - you remember my cousin, Wajeed? -Yes.Copy !req
150. Coz, I have been meaning to call you.Copy !req
151. Remember last year when you wanted to sellCopy !req
152. all those shares of Bro that I gave you?Copy !req
153. And I was like, don't sell those shares!Copy !req
154. And you were like, "I need the moneyCopy !req
155. "to buy floor mats for my Tesla, so I can make a guyCopy !req
156. named Danny in the office feel bad."Copy !req
157. Good memory. Um,Copy !req
158. but, you know, Bro was basically out of business.Copy !req
159. It was.Copy !req
160. But so wild!Copy !req
161. After you sold those shares, I sold Bro to MoveShackCopy !req
162. for basically nothing, and yesterday,Copy !req
163. MoveShack got "acquired"Copy !req
164. by Snapchat, and, uh... we crushed it!Copy !req
165. - How much did you make? -Oh, you won't believe this—Copy !req
166. Sixty million dollars?Copy !req
167. Yes, 60 million dollars!Copy !req
168. I'm a golden millionaire!Copy !req
169. Times two!Copy !req
170. So, Dinesh sold his shares,Copy !req
171. and then your fortunes turned around. Is that right?Copy !req
172. Huh. Weird. It's just like that time.Copy !req
173. Remember, you, me, and Ali, we went down to play by the river...Copy !req
174. - Oh... Boring story. -... and then, and then Dinesh,Copy !req
175. you snuck home so that you could get Ali's jump ropeCopy !req
176. and play with it by yourself,Copy !req
177. without telling him,Copy !req
178. and then Ali and I found a giant...Copy !req
179. giant box of British candy.Copy !req
180. You love candy.Copy !req
181. Oh, it was the best.Copy !req
182. Anyway, I'm a golden millionaire.Copy !req
183. How about I buy drinks, yeah?Copy !req
184. - Karma's a— -You're a bitch.Copy !req
185. Anyway, the fucking US governmentCopy !req
186. blocked the entire thing. Can you believe that?Copy !req
187. I pay taxes.Copy !req
188. - I mean, I don't, but... -Yeah.Copy !req
189. But look, I mean, I thinkCopy !req
190. we're even more fucked than you are.Copy !req
191. We're quite a pair, aren't we?Copy !req
192. To us. To the men in the arena,Copy !req
193. living or dying under the watchful gaze of Caesar.Copy !req
194. Are you not entertained?Copy !req
195. It's, uh, from Jared Dunn. Do you remember him?Copy !req
196. Of course. How's he doing?Copy !req
197. Actually, uh, funny enough,Copy !req
198. he just bailed on me to go work for some...Copy !req
199. sexy new startup back at my old hacker hostel.Copy !req
200. Ironic. Exactly the same way he left me, for you.Copy !req
201. Jared always had an eye for talent.Copy !req
202. Thanks, I guess.Copy !req
203. So, what was the munitionCopy !req
204. that CIFIUS got on your case for?Copy !req
205. Some kind of...Copy !req
206. - illegal hacking tool? -You wanna hear the worst part?Copy !req
207. It's a fucking dating app called Foxhole.Copy !req
208. - An app? -Yep!Copy !req
209. I can't shut it down because my investors will lose their shit,Copy !req
210. and I can't sell it because who the fuck wants somethingCopy !req
211. with all those restrictions on it? -: Right.Copy !req
212. Anyway...Copy !req
213. Here's to us,Copy !req
214. the Shackletons,Copy !req
215. - betrayed by nature's cruelest whims... -Wait.Copy !req
216. - ... her wants— -Sorry, just—Copy !req
217. If I owned Foxhole,Copy !req
218. wouldn't that prevent this Chilean guyCopy !req
219. from buying more of my shares?Copy !req
220. Actually, it would go even further.Copy !req
221. He'd have to sell all the shares he already owns.Copy !req
222. Okay, so, um,Copy !req
223. if you sell me Foxhole, I mean, that wouldCopy !req
224. certainly save my ass, obviously,Copy !req
225. but it would also save yoursCopy !req
226. because then you could move your operations wherever you wanted.Copy !req
227. I mean, it's kind of perfect, right?Copy !req
228. It would benefit us both, equally.Copy !req
229. Holy shit. -Yeah.Copy !req
230. Um, look, Gavin, I know we always haven't seen eye-to-eye,Copy !req
231. we're not the best of friends, but...Copy !req
232. this may be a chance to actuallyCopy !req
233. help each other out, right?Copy !req
234. What do you say?Copy !req
235. I mean... isn't it obvious?Copy !req
236. I say... no!Copy !req
237. - What? -No!Copy !req
238. Fuck no, Richard!Copy !req
239. I can't make a move that would benefit you.Copy !req
240. You're my competition. Help no rival.Copy !req
241. It's one of the basic principles of business.Copy !req
242. We just spent the last hour bonding about howCopy !req
243. this business is comprised of backstabbers and cutthroats.Copy !req
244. Yes, exactly! That's what this is.Copy !req
245. It's a little weird you don't get it.Copy !req
246. I could help you, Gavin.Copy !req
247. You already have, Richard!Copy !req
248. I mean, I was sitting up here feelingCopy !req
249. totally just impotent, and then you came alongCopy !req
250. and exposed your underbelly, and practically begged meCopy !req
251. to plunge the knife in! I mean, I still have a deep holeCopy !req
252. to crawl out of, but this is a fucking great start.Copy !req
253. Look at that.Copy !req
254. It barely hurts anymore.Copy !req
255. Well, if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
256. I have a triathlon to train for,Copy !req
257. and I'm suddenly feeling a wellspring of energy.Copy !req
258. Look, Richie,Copy !req
259. you're basically outta options.Copy !req
260. So, what are you saying? That...Copy !req
261. I just lay down and die?Copy !req
262. I take issue with your definition of die, my dude.Copy !req
263. I can get that Chilean cat on the phone right now and get you paid.Copy !req
264. There's no shame in it.Copy !req
265. Musk built PayPal and sold. Hoffman built Linkedln and sold.Copy !req
266. You seen those guys lately?Copy !req
267. I don't care about the money, that's not why I got into this.Copy !req
268. Richie, can I be honest with you for once?Copy !req
269. For once? You're my attorney.Copy !req
270. You remember the end of Thelma and Louise?Copy !req
271. How they drove that car off the cliff?Copy !req
272. Why? That was a mint '66 T-Bird.Copy !req
273. They didn't need that car to get over the cliff. Why'd that car have to die?Copy !req
274. I-I think it had something to do with, um,Copy !req
275. - women's rights or something? -Important stuff.Copy !req
276. But... sorry, what's your point?Copy !req
277. My point, Richie,Copy !req
278. is you wanna go over the cliff, Thelma, that's fine.Copy !req
279. All right? You do you.Copy !req
280. But you gotta remember there are 500 other peopleCopy !req
281. in the trunk that are gonna burst into flames with you.Copy !req
282. And for what?Copy !req
283. Computers? -Copy !req
284. That's Jared. He's been calling me all day.Copy !req
285. Uh, hey, can I call you back? I'm in the middle of something.Copy !req
286. Did you talk to Gavin Belson about Gwart's company,Copy !req
287. and call her sexy?Copy !req
288. Richard : Uh, what? No.Copy !req
289. I mean, yes, but I barely mentioned it.Copy !req
290. Did you call her sexy? Yes or no?Copy !req
291. I think I was more talking about her tech.Copy !req
292. So, you told Gavin Belson,Copy !req
293. a lion in repose,Copy !req
294. that Gwart was a potential threat,Copy !req
295. and now Jian-Yang is selling us to him for pocket change.Copy !req
296. - Jian-Yang can do that? -Yeah.Copy !req
297. He owns 60 percent of the company. He can do whatever he wants.Copy !req
298. Gavin is shutting us down, Richard.Copy !req
299. Gwart is so mad, she won't even look at me.Copy !req
300. Aah, fuck. -You know, if you want revengeCopy !req
301. on me, that's fine.Copy !req
302. But to go after Gwart?Copy !req
303. She doesn't haveCopy !req
304. your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard.Copy !req
305. Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikesCopy !req
306. because the forest is too loud.Copy !req
307. Look, I was only talking to Gavin to save Pied Piper.Copy !req
308. I-I had no idea he was—Copy !req
309. A monster? Of course you did!Copy !req
310. That's all you talked about for years!Copy !req
311. "Gavin is a monster.Copy !req
312. Poor Pied Piper. I'm Richard Hendricks."Copy !req
313. I don't think my voice is that deep.Copy !req
314. I mean, who is the buddy-fucker now?Copy !req
315. You are the buddy-fucker. -Copy !req
316. So, we gonna save that T-Bird, or are we gonna take her right over the cliff?Copy !req
317. So, uh,Copy !req
318. look, I-I know it's not a billion dollars,Copy !req
319. but, um, given the situation...Copy !req
320. it's actually a very good deal.Copy !req
321. Do you want to sell the company?Copy !req
322. No, I don't.Copy !req
323. Dinesh, I don't, but...Copy !req
324. Ron is right.Copy !req
325. Maximo is getting it no matter what.Copy !req
326. Why just give it away?Copy !req
327. Right. Yeah. -Copy !req
328. Look, anyway, you guys have done...Copy !req
329. everything I've asked for, so, uh, you all deserve this.Copy !req
330. Well, we can take the money and still be good people, right?Copy !req
331. Plus, Richard is the CEO,Copy !req
332. so I have to follow his orders.Copy !req
333. I mean, no one's ever been a bad personCopy !req
334. 'cause they followed orders, right?Copy !req
335. You guys, there's really no other option.Copy !req
336. - Yes, there is. -What? No.Copy !req
337. Okay, if Hooli won't sell us Foxhole...Copy !req
338. we could just buy Hooli. -Copy !req
339. Right. Yeah.Copy !req
340. The-the same way we can buy America and everything in it.Copy !req
341. No, I-I'm serious. We just found out how much Hooli's worth,Copy !req
342. and it's not that much.Copy !req
343. Sorry, how do we know how much Hooli's worth?Copy !req
344. Gavin bought Gwart's company using Hooli stock?Copy !req
345. Mm-hmm. And when he did, he tipped his hand.Copy !req
346. He really ran it into the ground.Copy !req
347. Yeah, and Maximo's offer's so strongCopy !req
348. that our price just shot up.Copy !req
349. Holy shit. We're worth more than Hooli.Copy !req
350. Uh, hey Jared, uh,Copy !req
351. - thank you for— -Save it.Copy !req
352. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Gwart.Copy !req
353. The second you own Hooli, you release usCopy !req
354. to become independent, non-negotiable.Copy !req
355. Of course. Sure, yeah.Copy !req
356. If that's what you want. Cool.Copy !req
357. So, guys...Copy !req
358. are we really doing this?Copy !req
359. Fuck it. Yeah.Copy !req
360. I think we have to.Copy !req
361. We have to sleep on it.Copy !req
362. Okay.Copy !req
363. We're gonna buy Hooli.Copy !req
364. Big question,Copy !req
365. how do we buy Hooli? -Monica: Well,Copy !req
366. in order to get the cash, we have to sell a chunkCopy !req
367. of our shares to someone other than Maximo,Copy !req
368. and, I mean,Copy !req
369. whoever we rope into that is gonna lose a fortune.Copy !req
370. Because...? -Richard: Well, we'd be selling to themCopy !req
371. at our current high price.Copy !req
372. And when we acquire Hooli and Foxhole,Copy !req
373. CIFIUS will force Maximo to dump all his shares,Copy !req
374. and our valuation will plummet.Copy !req
375. And I couldn't do that to anyone.Copy !req
376. Oh? Couldn't you?Copy !req
377. Yeah, I-I'm not sure I could do it either.Copy !req
378. Okay! Deal breaker then, right?Copy !req
379. 'Cause there's no one I could do that to either.Copy !req
380. Oh, isn't there...Copy !req
381. bro?Copy !req
382. Oh, God damn it.Copy !req
383. You want me to be an investor in your company?Copy !req
384. - I do. -Wow,Copy !req
385. that-that is so cool.Copy !req
386. But I don't know why I'm surprised becauseCopy !req
387. you're literally the greatest guy that I know.Copy !req
388. - What? -Yeah! I mean,Copy !req
389. literally last week, Farooq was calling me, and he was like,Copy !req
390. "Hey, you know who's a good guy?"Copy !req
391. And I was like, "My cousin Dinesh!"Copy !req
392. And he was like, "Yes. Yes, your cousin,Copy !req
393. - Dinesh." -That's me.Copy !req
394. It's hard for me to say, but I-I think we should hang out more, okay?Copy !req
395. And that's my fault, and I promise that I will call youCopy !req
396. as soon as me and my friends get back.Copy !req
397. Where you guys going?Copy !req
398. Oh, we're just gonna go down to the North ShoreCopy !req
399. because...Copy !req
400. I bought 80 acres in Hawaii, bro!Copy !req
401. And the beach is, like, pretty private or whatever,Copy !req
402. but there's, like, fashion shoots and supermodels—Copy !req
403. Just sign it.Copy !req
404. Thank you, triathletes, for being here todayCopy !req
405. to support a wonderful cause, HooliCares.Copy !req
406. Hooli cares.Copy !req
407. Do you?Copy !req
408. Take your marks.Copy !req
409. He's in the water.Copy !req
410. You sure?Copy !req
411. I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch.Copy !req
412. Don't ask me how I did it.Copy !req
413. I've got real-time GPS location,Copy !req
414. blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate.Copy !req
415. I can even see where he is in his menstrual cycle.Copy !req
416. Looks like a good day to fuck him.Copy !req
417. So, I guess we're gonna talk all damn day?Copy !req
418. That the play? -Richard: Uh, no. No.Copy !req
419. We're calling him, okay? So...Copy !req
420. - let's do this. -Okay. 'Cause it just seemed like...Copy !req
421. Lex Skelton. Hey, uh, it's, um, Richard Hendricks.Copy !req
422. I'd like to ask for you to callCopy !req
423. an emergency meeting of the Hooli board of directors.Copy !req
424. Flank that little fucker in the black cap!Copy !req
425. Uh, we've tried to, uh,Copy !req
426. contact Gavin Belson,Copy !req
427. but, uh, he hasn't responded.Copy !req
428. We do, however, have a quorum.Copy !req
429. Let's proceed.Copy !req
430. Great. Well, I would like to present youCopy !req
431. with an offer, and, uh, judging by the current state of Hooli,Copy !req
432. I think you'll find it very interesting.Copy !req
433. All right, according to the company charter,Copy !req
434. Gavin Belson does have two hours to formally object.Copy !req
435. Right. Yeah, two hours,Copy !req
436. so...Copy !req
437. That's no problem at all.Copy !req
438. You've seen my offer,Copy !req
439. but unless everyone agrees to sell,Copy !req
440. there's no deal because I needCopy !req
441. total control of the company.Copy !req
442. So, who's in? -Lex: Richard,Copy !req
443. I expect a lot of us are on the fence here.Copy !req
444. Personally, I've been with Gavin for a lot of years,Copy !req
445. and believe—Copy !req
446. Oh.Copy !req
447. Everyone?Copy !req
448. All right. I suppose I won't stand in the way then.Copy !req
449. Okay!Copy !req
450. Good, yeah. I'll just email youCopy !req
451. the long form, and you can just eSign—Copy !req
452. eSign? No!Copy !req
453. We don't do that.Copy !req
454. What? -Lex: Never have, never will.Copy !req
455. You want this deal to close,Copy !req
456. you bring us the forms, get everyone's hard signature,Copy !req
457. and then bring them to me to countersign.Copy !req
458. Is that a problem?Copy !req
459. No.Copy !req
460. More push, more push, more push!Copy !req
461. Whoa, he just sped up!Copy !req
462. There's been some lag, but I think he's on the bike.Copy !req
463. Okay, we gotta hustle, guys. -I'm aware.Copy !req
464. All right, everybody know where they're going?Copy !req
465. You go, you get the signatures,Copy !req
466. - we meet at Lex's offices, yeah? -Yeah.Copy !req
467. Okay. Quick, quick.Copy !req
468. Come on, come on, come on!Copy !req
469. Go, go, go!Copy !req
470. One down.Copy !req
471. The next one's up on Market.Copy !req
472. Just up this block and take a right.Copy !req
473. Is that what the GPS says?Copy !req
474. - N-no, I— -Okay, do you wanna drive?Copy !req
475. No, Jared. Look— -Woman : I'm Terry Gross.Copy !req
476. - Look, should we maybe talk about— -My guest isCopy !req
477. a medical bioethicist who learned about opioid dependence the hard way.Copy !req
478. You know, I really ought to consult with my wifeCopy !req
479. before I make such a big financial decision.Copy !req
480. You're really gonna let a woman tell you what to do?Copy !req
481. Over here!Copy !req
482. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
483. Almost done here.Copy !req
484. Gavin's just starting the run.Copy !req
485. His blood O2 is dog shit.Copy !req
486. - Plan J, sir? -Plan J!Copy !req
487. Jay!Copy !req
488. You are my spitting image.Copy !req
489. I'll meet you a quarter mile from the finish line.Copy !req
490. Go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
491. I still got it, Hoover.Copy !req
492. I know you do, sir.Copy !req
493. As long as Jay doesn't fuck up,Copy !req
494. I'm gonna beat my personal record.Copy !req
495. Let's see, we started at 10:00,Copy !req
496. and now it's...Copy !req
497. I gave Jay my watch.Copy !req
498. The fuck?Copy !req
499. Turn around! Turn around, Hoover!Copy !req
500. Yes, sir. -Copy !req
501. Mother fuck!Copy !req
502. So, you've got them all signed, have you? -Richard: Yeah.Copy !req
503. And you can just, uh, countersign all that, and-and,Copy !req
504. your form to sign is at the end there.Copy !req
505. Do that, and we'll be out of your way.Copy !req
506. Fresca.Copy !req
507. Ah.Copy !req
508. Let's have a look-see, huh?Copy !req
509. "To whom it may...Copy !req
510. concern."Copy !req
511. Okay, and actually, the signature page—Copy !req
512. - I've done these things before! -Yep.Copy !req
513. No, I know. I know.Copy !req
514. What do you mean not to be disturbed?Copy !req
515. I just got a million texts that he's aboutCopy !req
516. to sign away my whole fucking company!Copy !req
517. It's Gavin fucking Belson, you clattering magpie!Copy !req
518. Hello?Copy !req
519. Fuck!Copy !req
520. We need to get to Lex's. Now!Copy !req
521. All right. Seven down,Copy !req
522. one to go! -Copy !req
523. Yep. Yeah, just finish signingCopy !req
524. that form there, and we will—Copy !req
525. Stop! Lex, stop!Copy !req
526. Gavin?Copy !req
527. - Huh? -I thought he was in the race.Copy !req
528. - Gavin. -Yeah, he is.Copy !req
529. Looks like he's waiting about a mile from the finish line.Copy !req
530. Oh.Copy !req
531. You are a sneaky little gladiator, aren't you, Richard?Copy !req
532. But the Hooli charter, which I wrote,Copy !req
533. gives me the right to block this transaction.Copy !req
534. Uh, no. It doesn't.Copy !req
535. Yeah, that's right. You, uh,Copy !req
536. you had two hours, which lapsed—Copy !req
537. Seven minutes ago.Copy !req
538. I'm afraid they're right.Copy !req
539. Shit.Copy !req
540. Okay, fine! I can't block it!Copy !req
541. But come on, Lex! We have a history together!Copy !req
542. You wrote the very first check to Hooli.Copy !req
543. You're not gonna turn your back on 30 yearsCopy !req
544. of making money together, are you?Copy !req
545. I know we're not in the strongest position right now,Copy !req
546. but I will fight my way back, that's what I do.Copy !req
547. I-I kick and I scrap and I-I play dirty.Copy !req
548. Anything to win! I-I-I could'veCopy !req
549. bailed Richard out, but I didn't! I fucked him!Copy !req
550. And then, I fucked over...Copy !req
551. "world poker tour" there!Copy !req
552. Just for the spite of it, just because I could!Copy !req
553. Look, forget all the bullshit aboutCopy !req
554. making the world a better place.Copy !req
555. The most valuable companies in this valleyCopy !req
556. were built and run by-by savages,Copy !req
557. who cheat to win. Zuckerberg, and Jobs,Copy !req
558. and me, Gavin Belson.Copy !req
559. So please, Lex, put the pen down.Copy !req
560. Leave your money where it is.Copy !req
561. If this is a competitionCopy !req
562. to find out who the shittier person is,Copy !req
563. I'm not sure it's something that I can add to.Copy !req
564. I can.Copy !req
565. - Dinesh? -This must be said.Copy !req
566. Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town,Copy !req
567. but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room.Copy !req
568. The truth is...Copy !req
569. I'm a bad person.Copy !req
570. How do you think we got the money for this deal?Copy !req
571. I lied to my cousin's face.Copy !req
572. He is going to lose $40 million, give or take,Copy !req
573. plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope.Copy !req
574. See? I suck!Copy !req
575. Did you know that instead of breaking up with a girlCopy !req
576. that scared me, I called the FBI and sent her to prison?Copy !req
577. The Teslas. -Dinesh: Right.Copy !req
578. I pressured my direct reportsCopy !req
579. to buy Teslas that they could not affordCopy !req
580. because I wanted better wheels than a guy named Danny.Copy !req
581. And I was eight years old,Copy !req
582. I stole my friend Ali's jump ropeCopy !req
583. and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away,Copy !req
584. and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it.Copy !req
585. And when he cried himself to sleep,Copy !req
586. I ate his British candy and told himCopy !req
587. God took it because he hated him.Copy !req
588. Jesus! -Dinesh: So,Copy !req
589. if this decision is going to come downCopy !req
590. to who is the most spiteful, then, respectfully, sir...Copy !req
591. Stop! Stop! -... I would argue—Copy !req
592. Just stop talking!Copy !req
593. I don't wanna be in business with any of you people.Copy !req
594. I don't even wanna be in the same room with you!Copy !req
595. I'm gonna sign this and take my money out.Copy !req
596. Oop! Gonna miss my bus.Copy !req
597. Ugh...Copy !req
598. Excuse me. Excuse me.Copy !req
599. Excuse me.Copy !req
600. Think you won?Copy !req
601. Fuck you, Richard Hendricks.Copy !req
602. The Valley is small and the road is long.Copy !req
603. Just keep looking over your shoulder.Copy !req
604. Gentlemen.Copy !req
605. And lady— Ow!Copy !req
606. Hoover! Help!Copy !req
607. Guys...Copy !req
608. Did we...Copy !req
609. Just buy Hooli?Copy !req
610. Yeah, we did.Copy !req
611. Holy shit.Copy !req
612. Feels pretty good!Copy !req
613. Wajeed is gonna be so pissed at me.Copy !req
614. And mom's gonna kill me.Copy !req
615. So, I guess, uh, everyone got what they want.Copy !req
616. Well, actually, uh, Jared.Copy !req
617. Hey, uh...Copy !req
618. I just wanna say, like...Copy !req
619. I'm really sorry about everything,Copy !req
620. and, uh, well,Copy !req
621. of course, I'd be happyCopy !req
622. to give you and Gwart your company back.Copy !req
623. That's obvious. And also, if you...Copy !req
624. needed office space,Copy !req
625. we'd be happy to have you. Um...Copy !req
626. I guess, I don't know, I just... I miss you, man.Copy !req
627. Whatever, I don't care.Copy !req
628. Jesus.Copy !req
629. Yeah, it's sort of his thing.Copy !req
630. All right,Copy !req
631. well, everybody's gathered out there,Copy !req
632. - so you should probably say something. -Okay.Copy !req
633. Be gracious and don't expect too much.Copy !req
634. What are you talking about? I mean,Copy !req
635. won't they be happy? I freed them from Gavin.Copy !req
636. I mean, that's one way of looking at it.Copy !req
637. Or, your company just swallowed theirs,Copy !req
638. and you fired their founder and CEO.Copy !req
639. They're probably a little freaked out. They wanna knowCopy !req
640. that they're gonna keep their jobs.Copy !req
641. But we don't know if they will.Copy !req
642. - Right. -Yeah.Copy !req
643. Well, you'll think of something. Just be yours—Copy !req
644. - Keep it short. Keep it short. -Yeah.Copy !req
645. Okay... Okay.Copy !req