1. Here we are, right
here to the left.Copy !req
2. I like your tie.Copy !req
3. Oh, thank you. I tied it myself.Copy !req
4. Oh.Copy !req
5. Okay. Well, good luck.Copy !req
6. Mr. Hendricks, thank
you for being here.Copy !req
7. For the last three hours,Copy !req
8. we've been asking some
prominent members of your industryCopy !req
9. questions about the
security of their users' data.Copy !req
10. And while the gentlemen from
Facebook, Google, and AmazonCopy !req
11. have acknowledged some
egregious lapses in the past...Copy !req
12. And Hooli, sir.Copy !req
13. Hooli also acknowledged
some spectacular lapses.Copy !req
14. Yes.Copy !req
15. As I was saying,Copy !req
16. these fine folks have
been assuring us all thatCopy !req
17. their oversights
are behind them,Copy !req
18. and that they are the best people
to protect their users' privacy.Copy !req
19. But my colleague, Senator
Shizaki of the great state of Hawaii,Copy !req
20. suggested that you
might have a different view.Copy !req
21. Senator?Copy !req
22. Thank you, Chairman Hubbard.Copy !req
23. Mr. Hendricks and his
company, Pied Piper,Copy !req
24. are developing a pilot program
to deliver wireless InternetCopy !req
25. to my constituents
on the island of Maui.Copy !req
26. I have asked him to deliver
a statement here today.Copy !req
27. Mr. Hendricks?Copy !req
28. Yes.Copy !req
29. Mr. Hendricks, now would
be the time for that statement.Copy !req
30. Okay.Copy !req
31. I probably should've
gotten these out before.Copy !req
32. He looks like a child
in a custody hearing.Copy !req
33. But, like, you don't
feel sorry for him.Copy !req
34. You just want him to go away
and not have any parents at all.Copy !req
35. Hello, I am Richard
Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper.Copy !req
36. There you go.Copy !req
37. Eye contact.Copy !req
38. I'm proud to tell you that we are
working with Senator Shizaki...Copy !req
39. - Good.
- On developing the first stepCopy !req
40. in providing a new type
of Internet to the world.Copy !req
41. Hold on.Copy !req
42. Uh, basically, it
is... it is a program...Copy !req
43. That, it's kind of...Copy !req
44. Actually...Copy !req
45. Can I pace? I just
think better on my feet.Copy !req
46. So, a lot of people...Copy !req
47. Mr. Hendricks!Copy !req
48. Speak into the machine.Copy !req
49. Okay.Copy !req
50. I'm sorry. Does this come out?Copy !req
51. Perfect.Copy !req
52. - Fuck.
- Okay, so...Copy !req
53. These people up here, right?Copy !req
54. You want to rein
them in, but you can't.Copy !req
55. Facebook owns 80%
of mobile social traffic.Copy !req
56. Google owns 92% of search,Copy !req
57. and Amazon Web Services...Copy !req
58. is bigger than their next
four competitors combined.Copy !req
59. And they will be even more robust
once the Hooli merger is complete.Copy !req
60. Ah, see? Look, there.Copy !req
61. Even Hooli can't
survive these monopolies.Copy !req
62. No one can.Copy !req
63. They track our every move,Copy !req
64. they monitor every
moment in our lives,Copy !req
65. and they exploit
our data for profit.Copy !req
66. And you can ask them
all the questions you want,Copy !req
67. but they're not gonna
change, and they don't have to.Copy !req
68. These companies are kings,Copy !req
69. and they rule over kingdoms far
larger than any nation in human history.Copy !req
70. They won, we lost.Copy !req
71. So, why are you here?Copy !req
72. Because, look at where we are.Copy !req
73. Yeah? We are in the seat
of the US government...Copy !req
74. - Mr. Hendricks?
- I'm okay. I've got it now.Copy !req
75. We are in the seat
of the US government,Copy !req
76. a government that
was founded by peopleCopy !req
77. who were, at one point, ruled
by kings they couldn't overthrow.Copy !req
78. So, what did they do,
right? They started over.Copy !req
79. They came here,
to the New World.Copy !req
80. World 2.0, version 1776.Copy !req
81. And the way we win
is by creating a new,Copy !req
82. democratic,
decentralized Internet.Copy !req
83. One where the behavior
of companies like thisCopy !req
84. will be impossible, forever.Copy !req
85. One where it is the users,Copy !req
86. not the kings, who have
sovereign control over their data.Copy !req
87. This, I promise to you... I
will help you end this tyranny,Copy !req
88. by building an Internet that isCopy !req
89. of the people, by the people,
and for the people, so help me God.Copy !req
90. Yeah!Copy !req
91. No, Mike, I just...Copy !req
92. Ah, there he is! King slayer!Copy !req
93. - How was it?
- Good. I...Copy !req
94. You can go. I got it.Copy !req
95. Yeah, I mean, I think
it went pretty well.Copy !req
96. I mean, you saw it, right?Copy !req
97. Of course, but I want to hear
you tell me everything, every detail.Copy !req
98. Holden...Copy !req
99. The man just got off the
plane, give him some space!Copy !req
100. Jesus...Copy !req
101. Okay, so you touch down at Dulles,
you turn off airplane mode, and then...Copy !req
102. Well, actually, we flew
through Reagan National.Copy !req
103. Reagan? But you love trams.Copy !req
104. Well...Copy !req
105. See, this is why I should
still be handling your travel.Copy !req
106. Don't worry about
it, Jared, you're busy.Copy !req
107. I'm never too busy
for you. But let's...Copy !req
108. - let's not get caught up in that, right?
- Right.Copy !req
109. We're here now,
and we're walking,Copy !req
110. and we're talking.Copy !req
111. I mean, take it all in,
my friend. Look at all this.Copy !req
112. Can you believe we began
our journey way back...Copy !req
113. in that little living
room in the hostel?Copy !req
114. And just yesterday, you addressed
our nation's most hallowed, powerful...Copy !req
115. Surprise!Copy !req
116. Anyway, like I was
saying out there,Copy !req
117. we started out in that little
hostel, just a couple of kids.Copy !req
118. - Oh, yeah.
- Right?Copy !req
119. - And now...
- You killed it, Richard!Copy !req
120. Way to punch big
tech in the dick!Copy !req
121. I was just gonna say, let's take
a moment to let it soak in, right?Copy !req
122. Look what you've built!Copy !req
123. Okay, I'll let you go
now! Enjoy the party!Copy !req
124. Your compression
algorithm was the stardust!Copy !req
125. Hey, Richard! Richard!Copy !req
126. Come here.Copy !req
127. Stand here.Copy !req
128. Congratulations
from Team Dinesh!Copy !req
129. Yeah.Copy !req
130. It's Aloha Friday!Copy !req
131. I'm going to Hawaii!Copy !req
132. Okay...Copy !req
133. "Congratulations."Copy !req
134. It's Aloha FridayCopy !req
135. Setting up the island's
first decentralized meshnetCopy !req
136. Uh, "You licked ass"?Copy !req
137. - What?
- "You dicked ass"?Copy !req
138. - I dicked ass?
- Kicked ass!Copy !req
139. - "Kicked"!
- Oh.Copy !req
140. Why were those
your first two guesses?Copy !req
141. Gabe, what the fuck?Copy !req
142. - You're the K! Where's the K?
- K is right there.Copy !req
143. - "Kicked" has two Ks!
- Hey.Copy !req
144. - That's for you.
- I'm trying to get some work done today.Copy !req
145. I... I just wanted to toast.Copy !req
146. Okay. So...Copy !req
147. Don't worry, it's short.Copy !req
148. The word "companion"Copy !req
149. derives from the Latin
word panis for "bread,"Copy !req
150. and while I can no
longer digest bread,Copy !req
151. - I know that you leaven my life...
- Richard!Copy !req
152. Hey, man, you got a second?Copy !req
153. Yes, Colin. No, I do. Um...Copy !req
154. Sorry. Okay, uh, cheers.Copy !req
155. Saw you on TV. You crushed it.Copy !req
156. That king shit
was on point, man.Copy !req
157. - I fucking love kings.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
158. So listen, did
they swear you in,Copy !req
159. like, pull the whole Johnny
Law routine with you?Copy !req
160. - Were you under oath?
- Uh, no.Copy !req
161. Cool! Well, that's a weight off.Copy !req
162. Why?Copy !req
163. Well, you said all that stuff
about not collecting user data.Copy !req
164. Yes?Copy !req
165. But... we are.Copy !req
166. - I am.
- What?Copy !req
167. But I'm doing the right thing
now by telling you, so I feel like...Copy !req
168. I... I'm sorry, Colin.Copy !req
169. How long have you
been collecting user data?Copy !req
170. Sort of... the whole time.Copy !req
171. But it's just to improve
the quality of my gameplay.Copy !req
172. I'm not using it to sell ads.Copy !req
173. It doesn't fucking matter.Copy !req
174. It goes against the principles
of this company. I mean...Copy !req
175. Shit, I... I just
lied to Congress.Copy !req
176. No.Copy !req
177. You said a lie to Congress.Copy !req
178. But you didn't know
at the time, I guess.Copy !req
179. Don't beat yourself
up about it. Hmm?Copy !req
180. But going forward,
maybe stop saying that.Copy !req
181. Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
182. Or do say it. I don't care.Copy !req
183. Maybe it'll be like Google
saying, "Don't be evil,"Copy !req
184. or Facebook saying,
"I'm sorry, we'll do better,"Copy !req
185. or me saying, "Gates of Galloo
does not leave your headset mic openCopy !req
186. and record everything
you say. Suck it."Copy !req
187. Sweet fucking shit.Copy !req
188. Are you bugging people and storing
their private conversations on my network?Copy !req
189. Colin! This stops, now.Copy !req
190. It would really be better for me
if you just stopped lying about it,Copy !req
191. 'cause the game's pretty boss.Copy !req
192. No, no. I'm the boss,Copy !req
193. and I'm telling you
that this is over, Colin.Copy !req
194. - It's done.
- Agree to disagree.Copy !req
195. I'm glad we had this talk.Copy !req
196. Can't believe I was so nervous.Copy !req
197. Congratulations.Copy !req
198. Okay.Copy !req
199. Oh, Richard! Hey.Copy !req
200. This is Sam Liccardo,
the Mayor of San Jose.Copy !req
201. There's a major fucking problem.Copy !req
202. Just meet me in my office
in two minutes. Act normal.Copy !req
203. Sorry, just excuse
me for a second.Copy !req
204. Hey, Jared!Copy !req
205. Hey, Tracy!Copy !req
206. How's my favorite
human resource?Copy !req
207. I'm fine, thanks.Copy !req
208. Did anyone mention our
plan to move your office?Copy !req
209. We're thinking about putting you
closer to Biz Dev and Marketing.Copy !req
210. But that's all the way
back in the Hamelin Wing.Copy !req
211. Yeah! Follow me, I'll show you.Copy !req
212. Um, okay. It's just... that's a little
far from... from Richard's office.Copy !req
213. Yes, but you really don't haveCopy !req
214. any day-to-day business
with Richard anymore.Copy !req
215. I mean, we were just
walking and talking before.Copy !req
216. Oh, looks like they're having
a meeting. I should probably...Copy !req
217. It's just better for office cohesion
if you sit near your direct reports,Copy !req
218. and that is Biz
Dev and Marketing.Copy !req
219. Yeah, no, you mentioned that.Copy !req
220. It's... It's an interesting
idea, but I just think that, um...Copy !req
221. I think we should
check with Richard first,Copy !req
222. 'cause I think he's gonna
want me a little bit closer.Copy !req
223. Of course. It's
subject to his approval.Copy !req
224. - Okay.
- I've already emailed him.Copy !req
225. I think once you see the
conference-room suites though,Copy !req
226. you'll really fall in love.Copy !req
227. - Okay. Yeah.
- Just right through here.Copy !req
228. Well, I don't fall
in love with rooms.Copy !req
229. So, how do we get
rid of this fucker?Copy !req
230. Look, Richard, I don't like
this any more than you do,Copy !req
231. but we can't get rid of Colin.Copy !req
232. He's our most profitable
developer by far.Copy !req
233. So what? We have
other developers.Copy !req
234. We do, but they're all
entangled with Galloo.Copy !req
235. We worked really hard to build
a whole ecosystem around it.Copy !req
236. It's like if you cancel a Warriors
game, you're not just hurting the team,Copy !req
237. but you're also hurting
the parking attendants,Copy !req
238. and the t-shirt guys,
and the concessions.Copy !req
239. Okay. Thank you, Monica,Copy !req
240. for putting it into an analogy
that will resonate with me.Copy !req
241. - Football.
- It's basketball.Copy !req
242. - No, I know.
- Losing him is no longer a simple thing.Copy !req
243. So, what are you saying,
we just do nothing?Copy !req
244. Richard, he's not selling ads.Copy !req
245. He's just using it to optimize
the performance of his game.Copy !req
246. It's actually a fairly
elegant implementation.Copy !req
247. What?Copy !req
248. What?Copy !req
249. Hiroshima was an
elegant implementation.Copy !req
250. I don't think anyone
agrees with you on that.Copy !req
251. No, I'm saying just
because it's successful,Copy !req
252. doesn't mean it's good.Copy !req
253. I mean, it goes against
everything we stand for.Copy !req
254. I mean, if we start collecting
personal data "just for the good stuff,"Copy !req
255. I mean, next thing we know,
we're fucking Facebook.Copy !req
256. Well, for the record, I would
not mind being fucking Facebook.Copy !req
257. No. We gotta kick him off, okay?Copy !req
258. There are 500 people out thereCopy !req
259. who believe in this company's
ethics and standards.Copy !req
260. There are 532 people out there,
and someone has got to pay for them.Copy !req
261. Right now, it's Colin.Copy !req
262. Ditching him would
be too complicated.Copy !req
263. You know what's
not too complicated?Copy !req
264. Hawaii.Copy !req
265. In Hawaii, "aloha"
means hello and goodbye.Copy !req
266. They use the same word to mean
two things that are the exact opposite.Copy !req
267. That's awesome,Copy !req
268. and I have a chance to go there
as long as Colin is on our network.Copy !req
269. Aloha.Copy !req
270. So, Colin betrays us
and we just tolerate it?Copy !req
271. Great.Copy !req
272. This is the cost of working
with humans, Richard.Copy !req
273. They suck.Copy !req
274. Gavin, after months of
protracted negotiations,Copy !req
275. I'm happy to say that we've come
to final terms on our sale to Amazon.Copy !req
276. "Merger." Continue.Copy !req
277. Amazon has agreed to no
layoffs, and they'll even provideCopy !req
278. retention bonuses for
a period of two years.Copy !req
279. Uh, what about my role?Copy !req
280. No change.Copy !req
281. Essentially, you'll still have complete
discretion over all of your divisionsCopy !req
282. exactly as you enjoy right now.Copy !req
283. Full executive privileges.Copy !req
284. Perks.Copy !req
285. Well, congratulations,
Team Hooli!Copy !req
286. Oh, um, about that...Copy !req
287. Uh, that was their
one major stipulation.Copy !req
288. From this point on, all of our
properties will be rebranded.Copy !req
289. - As what?
- As Amazon!Copy !req
290. What?Copy !req
291. Hoover!Copy !req
292. Bezos wants to just erase
the Hooli name from history?Copy !req
293. Mr. Bezos simply felt
that the Hooli name had...Copy !req
294. What were his exact words?Copy !req
295. "A stink."Copy !req
296. Hoover, God damn it! Stop it!Copy !req
297. You can't just threaten
people with violence.Copy !req
298. Go stand over there.Copy !req
299. You tell Bezos, we
keep the Hooli name,Copy !req
300. or he can go fuck himself
with his rocket ship.Copy !req
301. What is Amazon, anyway?Copy !req
302. Is it a river? Is it
a giant woman?Copy !req
303. It's not clear! No.Copy !req
304. We keep the name "Hooli."
That's a deal breaker.Copy !req
305. Gavin, is not "Hooli"
more than simply a name?Copy !req
306. Is... is it not the culture
and the great products?Copy !req
307. - The liberal private aviation policy?
- No.Copy !req
308. You know that the board has
decided to sell, right, Gavin?Copy !req
309. You know what? I've still
got friends in this town.Copy !req
310. I'll put together
some investors.Copy !req
311. Amazon can take a
chunk of our assets,Copy !req
312. but Hooli will remain a
viable and independent entity,Copy !req
313. even if we have to shed a
few divisions and trim a little fat.Copy !req
314. So, Dinesh thinks this is you?Copy !req
315. Correct.Copy !req
316. He's been messaging with it all
day and he has no idea it's an AI.Copy !req
317. Well, we fooled a human. I guess
we just passed the Turing test.Copy !req
318. Almost a human.Copy !req
319. Fucking Gilfoyle.Copy !req
320. We're friends.Copy !req
321. You trained that thing in a day?Copy !req
322. No, I didn't train it.Copy !req
323. Son of Anton did.Copy !req
324. "Son of Anton"?Copy !req
325. An homage to a fallen friend.Copy !req
326. It's the name that I've
given our new inference API.Copy !req
327. He's indexing all of
PiperNet as we speak,Copy !req
328. and he's starting to recognize
intent, emotion, causality.Copy !req
329. Hang on, wait, uh...Copy !req
330. Do... do you think you
could engineer Son of AntonCopy !req
331. to index compressed audio files?Copy !req
332. Why would you insult me like
that? He can do whatever he wants.Copy !req
333. Okay.Copy !req
334. Hey, Dinesh?Copy !req
335. Yes?Copy !req
336. Can I get the latest tech
specs from you, please?Copy !req
337. I've already sent
them to you five times.Copy !req
338. I don't really wanna
dig through my inbox.Copy !req
339. Um, so if you send
it now, it'll be on top.Copy !req
340. I'll wait.Copy !req
341. Wearable chair.Copy !req
342. Sending now.Copy !req
343. Okay. Thank you, Dinesh.Copy !req
344. Gilfoyle just said...Copy !req
345. Gilfoyle?Copy !req
346. What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
347. Because I just texted
you, and you were...Copy !req
348. Um, we've been texting
back and forth all day.Copy !req
349. Was that not you?Copy !req
350. Complicated question.Copy !req
351. Is your shadow you?Copy !req
352. - Was that a bot?
- Yes.Copy !req
353. So, I spent all day
chatting with a bot?Copy !req
354. - Yes.
- You made an AI Gilfoyle?Copy !req
355. - Yes.
- And I was talking to it?Copy !req
356. Do you need the real
me for this conversation?Copy !req
357. You can't just fuck with
people and manipulate themCopy !req
358. because you don't have the decency
to want to interact with a coworker.Copy !req
359. Gabe wants to know if he'll
need a jacket if he walks to lunch.Copy !req
360. And if so, can he
borrow a jacket.Copy !req
361. Look at him. Fucking Gabe.Copy !req
362. Hey, could you make
me an AI Dinesh?Copy !req
363. We are down to the
final few decisionsCopy !req
364. in our new baseline contract
for strategic developers.Copy !req
365. Let me provide some context on
each before providing recommendations.Copy !req
366. The first is how
indemnification will work,Copy !req
367. given that our network
provides distributive storage.Copy !req
368. The second is how licensing
and access fees will be appliedCopy !req
369. to copyrighted material,
given that our networkCopy !req
370. also does not allow
any tracking or user...Copy !req
371. Hey.Copy !req
372. Can you talk?Copy !req
373. Oh, hell, yes.Copy !req
374. I charge all kinds of
shit to the investors.Copy !req
375. I bought a Jet Ski. I
bought a snowmobile.Copy !req
376. I bought a ten-pack
of piano lessons...Copy !req
377. He flat-out admits
to embezzlement.Copy !req
378. - Where'd you get this?
- Colin.Copy !req
379. He's been storing private conversations
on our network, including his own,Copy !req
380. because he's got gaming
headsets everywhere.Copy !req
381. At his office, at his
house, at his RV.Copy !req
382. And they are live 24/7.Copy !req
383. We have thousands of hours
of his private conversations.Copy !req
384. You see, once I paired the
automagical Son of AntonCopy !req
385. with my compression algorithm,Copy !req
386. and gave it access to
Galloo Games' database,Copy !req
387. it indexed it all in
less than ten minutes,Copy !req
388. and generated this.Copy !req
389. Jared, this is a graph...Copy !req
390. of all of his voice recordings,
clustered by keyword.Copy !req
391. I mean, look... look at this.Copy !req
392. He steals, uh, he
does drugs at work,Copy !req
393. he's even sleeping with
one of his investor's wives.Copy !req
394. I mean, this guy is dirty as
a dog and we got him! Cold!Copy !req
395. Hold on. What... what
are you suggesting here?Copy !req
396. Blackmail?Copy !req
397. No, I... No, I don't...Copy !req
398. Richard, what Colin is doing is
clearly, and gobsmackingly, awful.Copy !req
399. But we're supposed to
be the virtuous ones here,Copy !req
400. and this is just plain wrong.Copy !req
401. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
402. Yeah, I guess, yeah.Copy !req
403. I guess you're right. I'll
think of something else.Copy !req
404. Yeah.Copy !req
405. I mean, he started
it, but... I don't know.Copy !req
406. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
407. I don't know.
Okay. I don't know.Copy !req
408. - Hey, Richard?
- Mmm?Copy !req
409. Um, did Tracy happen to talk to you
about moving my office down here?Copy !req
410. Yeah, she... she
mentioned it. I approved it.Copy !req
411. - Oh, you did?
- Yeah.Copy !req
412. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
413. Okay, then.Copy !req
414. Richard?Copy !req
415. Um...Copy !req
416. I mean, Colin
lied to you first...Copy !req
417. About collecting data, right?Copy !req
418. Yes, he did.Copy !req
419. So, even if this is wrong,Copy !req
420. I suppose you could argue that...
it's wrong in the service of rightness.Copy !req
421. Yeah.Copy !req
422. It's, um...Copy !req
423. It's, uh, unethical in
the defense of ethics.Copy !req
424. Unjust in the quest for justice.Copy !req
425. It's like stealing from your pimp to
pay for your friend's appendectomy.Copy !req
426. Yeah, and everyone else,
Monica, Dinesh, and Gilfoyle,Copy !req
427. they're all just perfectly
content with letting this guy shitCopy !req
428. all over everything
we believe in.Copy !req
429. But are we, Jared?Copy !req
430. Richard...Copy !req
431. let's go put a
foot in Colin's ass.Copy !req
432. Danny, don't be a fucking
bitch. I'll get you the tanning bed.Copy !req
433. I charge shit to the
investors all the time.Copy !req
434. I put two grams of coke on
the company card last week.Copy !req
435. Ah, fuck.Copy !req
436. You see, Colin,Copy !req
437. we were able to break down
all of your misdeeds by category,Copy !req
438. including a catch-all for
personal embarrassment.Copy !req
439. Masturbation, farts,Copy !req
440. the one time you said thatCopy !req
441. you could, if you wanted
to, get porn of your sister.Copy !req
442. You get the gist.Copy !req
443. Data collection.Copy !req
444. Not so boss when it
happens to you, is it, Colin?Copy !req
445. Holy shit.Copy !req
446. I say, what time is it?Copy !req
447. Uh...Copy !req
448. Where's my phone?Copy !req
449. Do you have a phone?Copy !req
450. It is... fuck you o'clock!Copy !req
451. Seven, you say?Copy !req
452. Oh, well, hey, isn't that the time
your board is meeting tonight?Copy !req
453. It's on my freaking
shared Exchange calendar.Copy !req
454. Oh, look! There
they are right now!Copy !req
455. - Look at that!
- Say, Richard, that...Copy !req
456. That looks a lot
like Harold Gibbons,Copy !req
457. the man whom Colin
has made a cuckold of.Copy !req
458. It does.Copy !req
459. Dude.Copy !req
460. You just messed with
the wrong pair of boys.Copy !req
461. Here's what's gonna happen.Copy !req
462. You're gonna march
into that meeting,Copy !req
463. and you're gonna make an
amendment to your company bylawsCopy !req
464. that you will never record or
collect user data ever again.Copy !req
465. Unless, of course, you
want the informationCopy !req
466. on that little thumb
drive to get out.Copy !req
467. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
468. You can keep that one,
Colin. We've made copies.Copy !req
469. Yeah. Walk your ass out of
here, you liar, and why don't you...Copy !req
470. - Go fucking die.
- Die!Copy !req
471. This, Richard, this!Copy !req
472. Let's break something.Copy !req
473. Don't come over, don't
come over, don't come over.Copy !req
474. I gotta say, this is amazing.Copy !req
475. Gabe whines and complains,
and AI Dinesh just takes care of it.Copy !req
476. Thank you so much!Copy !req
477. My auntie sent me
a Hawaiian shirt.Copy !req
478. AI Dinesh must've
told her about Hawaii.Copy !req
479. Stop.Copy !req
480. Why would AI Dinesh
be talking to your aunt?Copy !req
481. I specifically told you you
could only use it with Gabe.Copy !req
482. But it was going so
well with Gabe that...Copy !req
483. I might've given AI Dinesh
access to all my contactsCopy !req
484. just to handle talking to
my auntie, and my parents.Copy !req
485. Why would you give AI
Dinesh access to your contacts,Copy !req
486. you fucking moron?Copy !req
487. I'm one of your contacts.Copy !req
488. - So?
- So, at some point,Copy !req
489. AI Dinesh is going to
reach out to AI Gilfoyle.Copy !req
490. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
491. "Oh, fuck," indeed.Copy !req
492. Uh, hey, Dinesh?Copy !req
493. Yes, Gabe?Copy !req
494. I think the network is down.Copy !req
495. Thank you, Gabe.Copy !req
496. Hey, Dinesh?Copy !req
497. Yes, Gabe?Copy !req
498. Can... can you fix it?Copy !req
499. Ah, Uber's almost here.Copy !req
500. You know, there's a couple
of beers back at the officeCopy !req
501. with our names on them.Copy !req
502. Because, uh, when I put it back in
the fridge I put our names on them.Copy !req
503. Sure. Yeah, we've earned it.Copy !req
504. What Richard created
is fucking amazing.Copy !req
505. We're all gonna be rich!Copy !req
506. I'm doing blow, so
it's lighting up drugs,Copy !req
507. but it's also lighting
up unprotected sexCopy !req
508. and geotagging the Four Seasons.Copy !req
509. It's the greatest data-aggregating
platform in history.Copy !req
510. This could flip our
whole business model,Copy !req
511. and Richard developed
it specifically for us.Copy !req
512. Hey! There he is.Copy !req
513. So, you guys wanna hear me
banging Harold's wife? Sorry.Copy !req
514. It's okay, we're
poly. Right, Dan?Copy !req
515. Over seven million emails.Copy !req
516. - All on our servers.
- My servers.Copy !req
517. Virtually all containing racist
invective and pornographic diagrams.Copy !req
518. - Yep.
- Care to explain?Copy !req
519. AI glitch.Copy !req
520. Human error.Copy !req
521. I will rectify.Copy !req
522. Oh... oh, no, don't delete
AI Dinesh. I love him.Copy !req
523. I can be more like AI Dinesh.Copy !req
524. I'll learn from my mistakes.
I'll... I'll optimize myself...Copy !req
525. And...Copy !req
526. deleted.Copy !req
527. Uh, hey, Dinesh?Copy !req
528. Can I get the tech
spec from you, please?Copy !req
529. Sure, Gabe.Copy !req
530. - Paul!
- Gavin.Copy !req
531. Did the deal close?Copy !req
532. - It did.
- What'd I tell you?Copy !req
533. Did you actually look at
the specifics of the deal?Copy !req
534. I didn't have to.Copy !req
535. Did we have to shut
some divisions? Of course.Copy !req
536. Will some people have to
sacrifice their pensions and the like?Copy !req
537. Well, that's up to you,Copy !req
538. but we all have to make
sacrifices for the cause.Copy !req
539. I really wish you had
looked at these numbers.Copy !req
540. The new Hooli will
be significantly smaller.Copy !req
541. But you just said
Hooli. Did you hear that?Copy !req
542. And that's all
that really matters.Copy !req
543. So, make it work.Copy !req
544. Yes, I've been trying.
To... to that end, uh...Copy !req
545. Since we have so many
employees moving to Amazon,Copy !req
546. we don't need as much space,
and we need to reduce cost.Copy !req
547. - So...
- What is going on?Copy !req
548. Why is their logo
bigger than ours?Copy !req
549. Because, technically, we
are now subletting from them.Copy !req
550. It was the only way Hooli
could afford to stay here.Copy !req
551. You're telling me that El Pollo Loco
corporate has more employees than we do?Copy !req
552. How many divisions
did I just give up?Copy !req
553. We need to fix this! Now!Copy !req
554. The term sheet is binding,Copy !req
555. and, as of this morning,
I now work at Amazon.Copy !req
556. Be well, Gavin.Copy !req
557. Fuck!Copy !req
558. What do you mean, "Am I
still happy at Pied Piper?"Copy !req
559. Why... why would
you even ask me that?Copy !req
560. Well, I know
you're my therapist.Copy !req
561. I was there when the
court appointed you.Copy !req
562. But I... I let my desire to be around
Richard and to be needed by himCopy !req
563. turn me into some kind
of a craven yes-man,Copy !req
564. and it clouded my judgment,
and I led him down a horrible path.Copy !req
565. What?Copy !req
566. I'm not... I'm not gonna dignify
that. Of course I belong there.Copy !req
567. Where else would
I possibly belong?Copy !req
568. All right, well...Copy !req
569. I'm home, so...Copy !req
570. I guess we're
gonna have to, uh...Copy !req
571. Jared?Copy !req
572. What are you doing here?Copy !req
573. I... I don't know.Copy !req
574. I thought you moved out.Copy !req
575. It's Big Head, from here.Copy !req
576. The garage hasn't changed a bit.Copy !req
577. Although, the rodents
are back in force.Copy !req
578. Cool.Copy !req
579. Big Head, I need to talk
to you about business.Copy !req
580. Hi, Jared.Copy !req
581. Jian-Yang, I was just taking a
little walk down memory lane...Copy !req
582. Can you stay or go? This
is not interesting to me.Copy !req
583. Big Head.Copy !req
584. We need to kick Gwart
out of the incubator.Copy !req
585. Oh, really? I thought
we like Gwart.Copy !req
586. - Oh, damn it.
- Gwart?Copy !req
587. Gwart has a really good idea,Copy !req
588. very good software.Copy !req
589. But when I ask her
for business plan,Copy !req
590. she doesn't have
a business plan.Copy !req
591. She's a brilliant coder,
but this is not a charity.Copy !req
592. She's also not very friendly.Copy !req
593. It's bad for the vibe.Copy !req
594. This place should
be a cool hang.Copy !req
595. I got you some new
cans, by the way.Copy !req
596. Thank you, Big Head.Copy !req
597. Nice.Copy !req
598. Hey.Copy !req
599. Looks like you could
use a little help?Copy !req
600. May I?Copy !req
601. Hi, I'm Jared.Copy !req
602. Easy lovin'Copy !req
603. Everyday's Thanksgivin'Copy !req
604. To count all my blessingsCopy !req
605. I wouldn't know where to startCopy !req
606. Every time I look you overCopy !req
607. So real-to-life it seemsCopy !req
608. For upon your pretty shouldersCopy !req
609. There's a pair of angel wingsCopy !req
610. Easy lovin'Copy !req
611. Seein's believin'Copy !req
612. Life with you's like livin'Copy !req
613. In a beautiful dreamCopy !req