1. Just think about it.Copy !req
2. On Saturday, over a quarter-million people
are gonna stream through that building.Copy !req
3. A veritable who's who of nobodies.Copy !req
4. Richard, we've tried
marketing at trade shows.Copy !req
5. We suck at it.Copy !req
6. No, I'm not talking about that.Copy !req
7. Let me ask you this.Copy !req
8. We need 120,000 phones, right?Copy !req
9. What is the first thing people do
when they get in there?Copy !req
10. Log on to free WiFi.Copy !req
11. But Hooli makes you download
the Hoolicon app in order to sign in.Copy !req
12. So what if we somehow
hack our code onto the app?Copy !req
13. Then we will have our 120,000 phones
all in one day.Copy !req
14. I'm sorry, you're...Copy !req
15. You're talking about sneaking our code
onto people's phonesCopy !req
16. without them even knowing about it?Copy !req
17. I mean, that's malware, Richard.Copy !req
18. No, no, no.Copy !req
19. Think of it more as, um, forced adoption
through aggressive guerrilla marketing.Copy !req
20. Well, as a product of forced adoption,
I can assure you, there are consequences.Copy !req
21. - I like it.
- Well, hold on.Copy !req
22. Even if we get our code
into that app and onto all those phones,Copy !req
23. people are just gonna delete the app
as soon as the conference is over.Copy !req
24. People don't delete apps. I'm telling you.
Get your phones out, right now.Copy !req
25. Uh, Hipstamatic. Vine,
may she rest in peace.Copy !req
26. NipAlert?Copy !req
27. McCain/Palin?Copy !req
28. All right, this works in theory.Copy !req
29. But penetrating the Hooli servers
to hack their shitty convention app?Copy !req
30. We need a black-hat ninja for this one.Copy !req
31. I wonder where we can
find someone like that.Copy !req
32. No.Copy !req
33. So great to see you, Mia.Copy !req
34. - How's Pakistan?
- So great.Copy !req
35. I was there for a while,
and as I said before,Copy !req
36. I have to go back there right after this
for an extended period of time.Copy !req
37. Anyway, how's all this stuff going?Copy !req
38. - You must be, like, dying of boredom.
- I am.Copy !req
39. And the terms of my plea agreement
forbid me to touch a computerCopy !req
40. or go online, so...Copy !req
41. Let me run a hypothetical by you,
just to like, exercise your brain.Copy !req
42. Like, for instance,Copy !req
43. if I had to hack the Hooli app servers,
mess with an app,Copy !req
44. and push it out over a venue's free WiFi,
how would I do it?Copy !req
45. It's a trick question, right?Copy !req
46. 'Cause you wouldn't hack the app server.Copy !req
47. You'd just launch a man
in the middle attack with pineapples.Copy !req
48. Google it.Copy !req
49. Speaking of,Copy !req
50. if they even catch me talking about this,Copy !req
51. they could send me
to maximum security prison,Copy !req
52. but I think I found a way to get online.Copy !req
53. No!Copy !req
54. There's a computer in the library
that's not supervised on Sundays.Copy !req
55. I think if I can pull library duty,Copy !req
56. I'll be able to sneak on
and track down whoever ratted me out.Copy !req
57. I am going to destroy that motherfucker.Copy !req
58. Not if I destroy him first.Copy !req
59. Excuse me.
What's your policy on anonymous tips?Copy !req
60. Fuck.Copy !req
61. WiFi pineapples. It's so obvious.Copy !req
62. Not to me.Copy !req
63. Look, we set up
a bunch of these at Hoolicon.Copy !req
64. We position ourselves between
everyone's devices and the real WiFi.Copy !req
65. So they log onto our boxes,
and our boxes log onto the real WiFi?Copy !req
66. Exactly.Copy !req
67. So we show them a fake landing pageCopy !req
68. and force everyone to download
a doctored version of the Hoolicon app.Copy !req
69. And they'll never know the difference.Copy !req
70. No wonder Mia's in prison. She's brilliant.Copy !req
71. I think this might actually work.Copy !req
72. Wrong. It'll never work.Copy !req
73. You don't even know
what we've been talking about.Copy !req
74. I don't need to, Richard.Copy !req
75. The truth is we've tried and tried.Copy !req
76. Every time we've gotten a whiff of success,Copy !req
77. a giant pelican by the name of fateCopy !req
78. takes a four-and-a-half-pound shit
right on top of us.Copy !req
79. There are people
who are destined for greatness,Copy !req
80. and people who are not.Copy !req
81. Richard, it seems you and I are not.Copy !req
82. And so, I've had enough.
I'm ending it all tonight.Copy !req
83. Suicide? I have a book for you.Copy !req
84. No, Gilf.Copy !req
85. Last night, when I was sitting out there
by the smoldering husk of my palapa,Copy !req
86. so cruelly taken away from me...Copy !req
87. You burned it down yourself.Copy !req
88. Which led me to my epiphany.Copy !req
89. This epiphany.Copy !req
90. "Greetings from Tibet.Copy !req
91. "If you find yourself in Qamdo Prefecture,
do drop in.Copy !req
92. "Gavin Belson."Copy !req
93. That was addressed to me.Copy !req
94. No, that was addressed
to "Richard Hendricks and Company."Copy !req
95. "Company" of which I am a part.Copy !req
96. You're not seriously thinking
of going to Tibet?Copy !req
97. You're broke.Copy !req
98. How the fuck are you gonna pay for that?Copy !req
99. That's where you come in.Copy !req
100. My great friends,
I figured we might pass the hat.Copy !req
101. Just give whatever you're
comfortable with...Copy !req
102. I'll pay for it. Whatever it costs.Copy !req
103. Well, it seems the smallest of us
has the biggest heart.Copy !req
104. Thank you, young Jianathan.Copy !req
105. - Business class?
- Premium economy. You fly one way.Copy !req
106. Don't you need a visa to go to China?Copy !req
107. Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing.Copy !req
108. He's very corrupt.Copy !req
109. That sounds ominous but, gents,Copy !req
110. as I was saying,
where there's a will there's a way.Copy !req
111. Just not for you guys.Copy !req
112. No.Copy !req
113. I will not help you on this mission.Copy !req
114. "No"?Copy !req
115. Richard, we always said
we didn't want to end up like Hooli.Copy !req
116. How are we like Hooli?Copy !req
117. We are trying to give free Internet
to the entire world.Copy !req
118. If we have to bend a few rules
here and there...Copy !req
119. I mean, it's all for the
greater good, is it not?Copy !req
120. Gavin Belson started out
with lofty goals, too,Copy !req
121. but he just kept excusing immoral behavior,
just like this,Copy !req
122. until one day all that was left
was a sad man with funny shoes.Copy !req
123. Disgraced, friendless,Copy !req
124. and engorged with the blood
of a youthful charlatan.Copy !req
125. I am never going to be any of that.Copy !req
126. Richard, not that long ago,Copy !req
127. you agonized over using a stolen log-in
to get into a bake-off with EndFrame,Copy !req
128. a company that stole from us.Copy !req
129. But now you're, what,Copy !req
130. shrugging off large-scale cybercrimes
against innocent civilians?Copy !req
131. It's a means to an end.Copy !req
132. It's not who I am.Copy !req
133. I mean, Lincoln had to suspend
habeas corpus to end the war,Copy !req
134. but he restored it after.Copy !req
135. Lincoln? Richard, it's not that easy.Copy !req
136. There's always a next time,
and a next time, and a next time.Copy !req
137. I cannot knowingly contribute
to your moral decay.Copy !req
138. Well, what if you didn't do it knowingly?Copy !req
139. I mean, you're always telling me
how you spent your entire childhoodCopy !req
140. pretending that everything
going on around you was okay.Copy !req
141. Uncle Jerry's game.Copy !req
142. Yeah, that.Copy !req
143. Let's play Uncle Jerry's game.Copy !req
144. Do you know what you're asking?Copy !req
145. Okay, guys. How we looking?Copy !req
146. - One second.
- Almost done.Copy !req
147. All 12 pineapples
tested and packed.Copy !req
148. Jared, you can come in now.Copy !req
149. All right.Copy !req
150. All of our swag is in the car,Copy !req
151. and I look forward to a successful promotion
of our legitimate space-saving app.Copy !req
152. Yep, that's what this is.Copy !req
153. Whatever.Copy !req
154. Well, now, gentlemen, this is it. Goodbye.Copy !req
155. Obviously, I don't care
to make a big deal out of it.Copy !req
156. So I think it's sufficient
just to go aroundCopy !req
157. and each of you say a memory or twoCopy !req
158. of times where I've
profoundly impacted your life.Copy !req
159. Doesn't have to be a profound impact...Copy !req
160. We're leaving now.Copy !req
161. What?Copy !req
162. International flight. Four hours early.Copy !req
163. No, international flights
are three hours early.Copy !req
164. It's a new rule.Copy !req
165. Gentlemen.Copy !req
166. Okay, let's have some fun!Copy !req
167. First hurdle down,
we're past security.Copy !req
168. Ugh, that made me nervous
sneaking all that shit in.Copy !req
169. Why? We're bringing tech
to a tech convention.Copy !req
170. When did Pied Piper
get added to the vendor list?Copy !req
171. C-42-10.Copy !req
172. Well, it looks like us.Copy !req
173. Oh, no. That can't be.Copy !req
174. No. This is not what I was promised.Copy !req
175. What? It's fine.Copy !req
176. Well, they told me that we would have
prominent placementCopy !req
177. with proximity to high-traffic corridor.Copy !req
178. We're in the middle of the road here.Copy !req
179. - So?
- Yeah, who gives a fuck?Copy !req
180. Well, Jared does.Copy !req
181. And... And we do as well. Uh...Copy !req
182. You know, why don't you go check out
what the bathroom situation's like?Copy !req
183. Yes.Copy !req
184. - Nothing would make me happier.
- Good.Copy !req
185. You know, I actually believe him.Copy !req
186. Okay.Copy !req
187. So gentlemen, okay,
while Jared's gone, let's get our bearings.Copy !req
188. All right.Copy !req
189. So, uh, we are here.Copy !req
190. Now you guys deploy the pineapples.Copy !req
191. Start with high-traffic areas,
so that means entrances.Copy !req
192. People are setting up equipment everywhere,
so it shouldn't look that unusual.Copy !req
193. But be careful, don't get caught,
and remember why we're here.Copy !req
194. Richard?Copy !req
195. Whoa. Winnie!Copy !req
196. - Hey.
- Hello. Hi. Yeah.Copy !req
197. I haven't seen you since, um...Copy !req
198. Since you threw yourself
down a flight of stairsCopy !req
199. to prove how smart you were.Copy !req
200. That whole spaces-tab thing was...Copy !req
201. Kind of petty?Copy !req
202. Petty? No, I was gonna say illustrative
of our vast differences, but...Copy !req
203. Right.Copy !req
204. What are you doing here?Copy !req
205. I'm here helping my friendCopy !req
206. - launch his new company.
- Oh.Copy !req
207. Well, "my friend." He's
actually my boyfriend.Copy !req
208. That's his booth right there.Copy !req
209. Oh, wow. He's got a big one.
I mean, the booth.Copy !req
210. But, um, boyfriend? Uh-oh.Copy !req
211. - Awkward.
- Why?Copy !req
212. Nothing. It's not.Copy !req
213. It's actually... Uh, it's cool.Copy !req
214. Totally cool. Cool beans.Copy !req
215. Beans, beans, magical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you...Copy !req
216. - Toot?
- Toot.Copy !req
217. Hey, Joel? Come over and meet Richard.Copy !req
218. Oh. Not needed.Copy !req
219. - Joel, Richard.
- Yeah. Hey.Copy !req
220. Oh. Stairs guy.Copy !req
221. - Uh, it's quite a booth you got there.
- Oh, yes, thank you.Copy !req
222. We really think our company's message
is worth getting out there.Copy !req
223. Yeah, us, too. Us, too.Copy !req
224. Um, but just, you know,Copy !req
225. trying to be a bit responsible
with the spending.Copy !req
226. Sure, but when I sold my last company,Copy !req
227. I realized I had the luxury
to invest in something I believe in.Copy !req
228. - Mmm.
- Helping humanity thrive.Copy !req
229. That's why I decided to bring
PeaceFare into the world.Copy !req
230. Ah, good for you.Copy !req
231. - Okay. It was great to meet you, Richard.
- Yeah. And you, too.Copy !req
232. Good seeing you.Copy !req
233. Not if I see you first.Copy !req
234. Not that you asked,
but you handled that very poorly.Copy !req
235. You know, Jian-Yang,Copy !req
236. the silence in the car
gave me some time to think about the factCopy !req
237. that our differences...Copy !req
238. Jesus!Copy !req
239. Sorry.Copy !req
240. Jian-Yang!Copy !req
241. - Fuck you, fat fuck.
- Pineapple two is a go.Copy !req
242. Fucking look at him.Copy !req
243. Pictures everywhere, fucking bearded baby
cost us millions of dollars.Copy !req
244. It would make me very happyCopy !req
245. to pour boiling metal
down Keenan Feldspar's asshole.Copy !req
246. - How would that even work?
- Flip and pour.Copy !req
247. He's gonna run,
and then you're slowly chasing him,Copy !req
248. trying to not spill your
vat of boiling metal.Copy !req
249. You're gonna look like a fucking idiot.Copy !req
250. Fuck you.Copy !req
251. - Anybody looking?
- No. Just go.Copy !req
252. What's taking you so long? Hurry up!Copy !req
253. What are you boys up to?Copy !req
254. All right? All right, go through my slides.Copy !req
255. Click, click, click. Jamiroquai plays.Copy !req
256. Now I would very much
like to welcome my good friend,Copy !req
257. Keenan Feldspar!Copy !req
258. - Where the fuck is he?
- Yo.Copy !req
259. Son, you're supposed to be
coming up from over there.Copy !req
260. Totally. I'm just really kind of
digging the vibe over on this side.Copy !req
261. - Uh, Terry?
- Yeah.Copy !req
262. - Kid wants to come from over here.
- Okay.Copy !req
263. Excuse me, sir. Do you have a moment?Copy !req
264. This morning, Pied Piper were
a last-minute add to the vendor list.Copy !req
265. So I started watching them
and noticed some suspicious behavior.Copy !req
266. I've sent in for a tactical response team,Copy !req
267. and with your permission,Copy !req
268. I'd like to sweep the convention floor
with Yagi antennas, which are...Copy !req
269. - Hoover?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
270. Four days ago, I spent two billion dollars
on a piece-of-shit VR gadgetCopy !req
271. that's never gonna work.Copy !req
272. I had to rebuild the
entire operating systemCopy !req
273. just to get a 90-second demo
that could play on a phone.Copy !req
274. And by the grace of God,
I just may have pulled it off.Copy !req
275. And now you want to talk to me
about Pied fucking Piper?Copy !req
276. Sir, I'd like to think that
if Gavin Belson were here,Copy !req
277. we'd make sure that...Copy !req
278. Gavin fucking Belson is not here
'cause I fired his ass!Copy !req
279. Now, look, you go back
to your little security roomCopy !req
280. and you sit in the corner
with the tinfoil hat on.Copy !req
281. And I swear, if I hear you wander
down the hallway to take a piss,Copy !req
282. you are out on your ass.Copy !req
283. You got that?Copy !req
284. I do, sir.Copy !req
285. You know what, this might be a good time
for me to hand out some flyers.Copy !req
286. Richard,
six pineapples up, six to go.Copy !req
287. Good.Copy !req
288. Something wrong?Copy !req
289. Yeah, actually.
Very wrong.Copy !req
290. - PeaceFare is a game.
- What?Copy !req
291. Yeah. Look at his website.Copy !req
292. Give virtual coins to
virtual homeless people.Copy !req
293. Grow virtual corn
to feed virtual starving villages.Copy !req
294. What the fuck, right?Copy !req
295. I mean, he's over there making all this
noise about turning your mobile deviceCopy !req
296. into an empathy machine,
but it's not doing anything.Copy !req
297. Fascinating, Richard.Copy !req
298. Have you heard anything
about how Pied fucking Piper is doing?Copy !req
299. Yes, our code is in the app.Copy !req
300. The pineapples are online.
We're at 3,700 downloads.Copy !req
301. We're ahead of schedule.Copy !req
302. Shit, this could work.Copy !req
303. That's awesome.Copy !req
304. Yeah, exactly.Copy !req
305. We are doing something real.Copy !req
306. He is not.Copy !req
307. But, uh, she's with him
and I'm the petty one.Copy !req
308. Okay, well, what about the idea
of growing real cornCopy !req
309. to feed real starving people?Copy !req
310. - No.
- Yeah, his thing seems way easier.Copy !req
311. You can do it on your phone
in your underwear.Copy !req
312. Just plant the rest of
the pineapples, please.Copy !req
313. Oh! Here he comes, folks.Copy !req
314. Richard Hendricks,
the Monet of compressionism.Copy !req
315. Jared.Copy !req
316. Hey, which of the bathrooms is closest?Copy !req
317. Um, end of the row, 78 paces to the right.Copy !req
318. Great.Copy !req
319. You know, this is the actual laptop
I used to code the app.Copy !req
320. Hey, let's take some
without my shoes, yeah?Copy !req
321. Okay. Okay, come.Copy !req
322. Yeah, so please start with my toes.Copy !req
323. Did you do this?Copy !req
324. Did anybody see someone touch this laptop?Copy !req
325. - What?
- Oh, God.Copy !req
326. This is very disturbing.Copy !req
327. Fuck it, I'm just gonna punch him.Copy !req
328. Yeah, right. Have fun in jail, you moron.
Holy shit.Copy !req
329. Oh, fuck. It's him. What do we do?Copy !req
330. Uh, keep moving.Copy !req
331. Fuck, do you think he saw us?Copy !req
332. - Oh, he saw us.
- Fuck!Copy !req
333. - He saw us see him.
- Shit.Copy !req
334. Wait.Copy !req
335. What if he thinks we did it on purpose?
Like, we snubbed him?Copy !req
336. Fuck yeah.Copy !req
337. We just snubbed the fuck
out of Keenan Feldspar.Copy !req
338. - Hey, Richard.
- Hey.Copy !req
339. I'm letting everyone know you might want
to reset your critical passwordsCopy !req
340. - because we've been hacked.
- Oh.Copy !req
341. Why would you say that?Copy !req
342. Well, someone changed
my PeaceFare screensaver,Copy !req
343. and I know it wasn't anyone on my team
because they all respect me too much.Copy !req
344. What did they change it to,
if you don't mind me asking?Copy !req
345. - Just 'cause...
- No, no. I won't dignify it by repeating it.Copy !req
346. I'm just saying you
should take precautions.Copy !req
347. Also, Winnie spoke to securityCopy !req
348. and they're sending
the tactical response team.Copy !req
349. The what?Copy !req
350. The... Oh. Here they are.Copy !req
351. Oh, shit.Copy !req
352. Bingo. We've got hostiles.Copy !req
353. Red team, Sebastian,
fan out and sweep the entire venue.Copy !req
354. Hey, Richard.Copy !req
355. Guess who has four thumbs
and just snubbed Keenan Feldspar?Copy !req
356. Us.Copy !req
357. Guys, someone called security.Copy !req
358. - Now they're doing a sweep of the area, okay?
- What?Copy !req
359. You've gotta go pull up
all the pineapples, okay?Copy !req
360. - What the fuck?
- Who ratted us out?Copy !req
361. I don't know. Probably we'll never know.
It's impossible to tell.Copy !req
362. Just go. Go get them.
Get them now. Go, just go.Copy !req
363. Bingo.Copy !req
364. Fuck!Copy !req
365. Come on.Copy !req
366. Bingo.Copy !req
367. Oh, crap.Copy !req
368. We gotta split up. I'll take the food
court, you take the east concourse.Copy !req
369. - I want the food court.
- Just go!Copy !req
370. Fuck.Copy !req
371. Hey, man.Copy !req
372. Fucking Keenan.
Hey. I have to go.Copy !req
373. Totally. Hey, did you snub me earlier?Copy !req
374. No.Copy !req
375. Yeah, you did.Copy !req
376. You know you did.Copy !req
377. It made me feel bad. I like to feel good.Copy !req
378. Why would you do that to me?Copy !req
379. Seriously?Copy !req
380. You fucked us, Keenan.Copy !req
381. Richard was gonna take that deal,Copy !req
382. and then you pulled it
right out from under us.Copy !req
383. You cost me, personally,
a shit ton of money.Copy !req
384. Whoa. Is that what Richard told you?Copy !req
385. - Hey. So?
- They got every single one.Copy !req
386. - Every single last one.
- Fuck!Copy !req
387. I don't want to hear this.Copy !req
388. But we gotta be close, right?Copy !req
389. Like how many more phones do we need?Copy !req
390. I don't know. Close isn't good enough.Copy !req
391. No, this is binary.
Either we have enough or we don't.Copy !req
392. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
393. I have an idea.Copy !req
394. So I've got one pineapple left.Copy !req
395. Now I've rigged some batteries on top of it
because we're gonna have to go mobile.Copy !req
396. - Oh.
- We have to try.Copy !req
397. Okay, I'm going to put
this in your backpack.Copy !req
398. - Oh, no.
- No, it's fine.Copy !req
399. I don't want it... I don't want it...Copy !req
400. And you, you're gonna
hold this kill switch.Copy !req
401. And then you'll walk into the most
densely populated area you can find.Copy !req
402. All right? If you see the security coming,
remember, you press that button and poof,Copy !req
403. - you're gone. Yeah?
- Okay.Copy !req
404. I'll get as many
of those motherfuckers as I can.Copy !req
405. We'll be rewarded in the end.Copy !req
406. When the fuck were you gonna tell us?Copy !req
407. Tell you what?Copy !req
408. - You know what, fat sack of shit.
- Richard, do you know what?Copy !req
409. No, I don't. I don't know what.Copy !req
410. Dinesh, you need to move.Copy !req
411. Well, not until I find
out if you know what.Copy !req
412. Go on.Copy !req
413. Okay, fine. I messed
with Joel's screensaver.Copy !req
414. And then he told security,Copy !req
415. and now they're the ones
pulling up all the pineapples.Copy !req
416. - So...
- What the fuck are you talking about?Copy !req
417. What are you talking about?Copy !req
418. You acted like you wanted
to take Keenan Feldspar's offer.Copy !req
419. Well, I just ran into him.
He said you turned him down.Copy !req
420. Okay, well,
who are you gonna believe, me or him?Copy !req
421. Him. He showed me the email you sent him.Copy !req
422. Showed you the email.Copy !req
423. You fucking snake!Copy !req
424. Dinesh, you need to move. Now.Copy !req
425. Look, he pulled the deal.Copy !req
426. Yeah, but you didn't know that
when you sent him the email, did you?Copy !req
427. Dinesh, you need to move.Copy !req
428. Come on. You need to go.Copy !req
429. - Go, go!
- Gentlemen?Copy !req
430. I'm going to have to see
the contents of that backpack.Copy !req
431. Um...Copy !req
432. Bingo.Copy !req
433. What did you change it to, Richard?Copy !req
434. What?Copy !req
435. Joel's screensaver.Copy !req
436. - Does it matter now?
- No.Copy !req
437. PoopFare.Copy !req
438. I'm sorry.Copy !req
439. "PoopFare"?Copy !req
440. Yeah. It's like a play on the name.Copy !req
441. Is it a play on the name?
PissFare would be way better.Copy !req
442. Or PenisFare.Copy !req
443. Or PeaceFart. That's just
changing one letter.Copy !req
444. Look, he turned around.
I had like a second, okay?Copy !req
445. It's the best I could come up with.Copy !req
446. PoopFare?Copy !req
447. PoopFare?Copy !req
448. - Are you serious?
- Yeah.Copy !req
449. You sacrificed everything
that we've worked forCopy !req
450. for "PoopFare"?Copy !req
451. How was PoopFare for the greater good?Copy !req
452. It wasn't.Copy !req
453. You compared yourself
to Abraham Lincoln, Richard.Copy !req
454. Can you do me a favor?Copy !req
455. Can you say it
so I know I'm not hallucinating?Copy !req
456. - I just did.
- Just say it.Copy !req
457. - Jared...
- Richard! Look me in the eyes!Copy !req
458. Look me in the eyes,
and you name our undoing.Copy !req
459. Hey, come on. Calm down now.Copy !req
460. PoopFare? You reckless child.Copy !req
461. Gentlemen. Come with me, please.Copy !req
462. Sit down.Copy !req
463. Well, well, well. Richard Hendricks.Copy !req
464. Sorry, do I know you?Copy !req
465. No. But I know all about you.Copy !req
466. These WiFi pineapples, are they yours?Copy !req
467. And this image from the security footage.Copy !req
468. Smell anything?Copy !req
469. These two individuals look familiar to you?Copy !req
470. Last question.Copy !req
471. Do you recognize this?Copy !req
472. It's an interview I just found from
Code/Rag from October of this year,Copy !req
473. in which you said
you and Gavin Belson would, quote,Copy !req
474. "Put Jack Barker out of a job."Copy !req
475. Did you say that, Richard?Copy !req
476. You know what? Yes. Yeah.Copy !req
477. Yep, this is me.Copy !req
478. Because, apparently, everything I
say or type gets me into trouble.Copy !req
479. Because I'm an idiot.Copy !req
480. Well, now.Copy !req
481. Tenley!Copy !req
482. What the hell are these gentlemen
doing in my office?Copy !req
483. We caught them with pineapples.Copy !req
484. You mean the pineapples that I hired them
to bring to the conferenceCopy !req
485. as part of a covert penetration test
of our WiFi security?Copy !req
486. Sorry. Uh, we didn't know.Copy !req
487. You weren't supposed to.Copy !req
488. Now, give these gentlemen
their passes and equipment back,Copy !req
489. and get them back on the floor.Copy !req
490. You know, you said some very nice things
about Gavin Belson in that interview.Copy !req
491. You could have very easily
kicked a good man when he was down.Copy !req
492. Good luck with whatever it is you're doing.Copy !req
493. I'd walk you down myself, but for
reasons I really can't get into, uh,Copy !req
494. I'm not allowed to leave this room.Copy !req
495. Okay.Copy !req
496. There you are.Copy !req
497. You never came back to the booth. You
didn't want to see how it all turned out?Copy !req
498. I wasn't really in the mood.Copy !req
499. Are you playing PeaceFare?Copy !req
500. Yeah, I just gave an orphan
her first calculator.Copy !req
501. Good. Good.Copy !req
502. But I've got something much better.Copy !req
503. See that number?Copy !req
504. That is the number of installs
that we've got from Hoolicon alone.Copy !req
505. We have moved all of Melcher's data
onto a network of mobile devices.Copy !req
506. We did it.Copy !req
507. Do Dinesh and Gilfoyle know?Copy !req
508. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they know.
Now that this worked, they like me again.Copy !req
509. They're off getting churros to celebrate.Copy !req
510. I told them that we would meet them
at, uh, Barker's keynote.Copy !req
511. So, come on.Copy !req
512. I mean...Copy !req
513. Richard, the fact that you think that
success justifies all your behavior...Copy !req
514. We were in crisis mode, okay?Copy !req
515. And, yeah, I lost my head,
but crisis averted.Copy !req
516. So it's time to reinstate
habeas corpus, huh?Copy !req
517. Be Honest Abe again.Copy !req
518. What about the next crisis, Richard?Copy !req
519. Jared, this won't happen again. I swear.Copy !req
520. So let's just enjoy it.Copy !req
521. For a minute. Please.Copy !req
522. Come on, give it up!Copy !req
523. I love this company!Copy !req
524. And how about you?
And how about Jamiroquai?Copy !req
525. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, let's have it.Copy !req
526. But wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.Copy !req
527. Wasn't the original title of their
chart-topping hit Virtual Insanity?Copy !req
528. Why is he singing "Virtual reality"?Copy !req
529. You know, I may need a little help
getting to the bottom of thisCopy !req
530. from my very good friend,Copy !req
531. Keenan Feldspar!Copy !req
532. There he is! Hey!Copy !req
533. You guys ready to see the future?Copy !req
534. You know, at the beginning
of the presentation,Copy !req
535. I told all of you
to update your HooliPhone OS.Copy !req
536. Right?Copy !req
537. Now I want you to go into settings,Copy !req
538. and you're gonna find
a brand-new toggle labeled "Hooli VR."Copy !req
539. - Whoo!
- You're gonna want to turn that on.Copy !req
540. Now, look under your seats.Copy !req
541. When you power up your Hooli VR goggles, they
will automagically pair with your phone.Copy !req
542. Put them on, and prepare to be amazed!Copy !req
543. Say hi to that barmaid for me!Copy !req
544. What's going on?
Uh, turn up the lights, please.Copy !req
545. Something's happening here. Uh...Copy !req
546. Uh, stay calm.Copy !req
547. You don't think this had anything
to do with us, do you?Copy !req
548. We appear to have
a bit of a technical problem.Copy !req
549. I'm going to get
to the bottom of this right away.Copy !req
550. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
551. Gelong-la, there is
a loud man here to see you.Copy !req
552. He says you sent for him.Copy !req
553. Qamdo in the house! Ha-ha!Copy !req
554. Whoa!Copy !req
555. Haircut!Copy !req
556. Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
557. No.Copy !req
558. I'm really here.Copy !req