1. I know it's the middle of the night. I
really just need five minutes of your time.Copy !req
2. Holy shit. What happened?Copy !req
3. I was working through some issues.
Mind the glass.Copy !req
4. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
5. It's a license for your
peer-to-peer computer communication patent.Copy !req
6. It's very standard stuff.Copy !req
7. Uh, essentially, in
exchange for your patent,Copy !req
8. you would get a royalty and equity
in the new company that I'm starting up.Copy !req
9. So, if you just sign there,
by the Post-it note,Copy !req
10. and I will take it, and leave,
and you will never see me again.Copy !req
11. Are you joking?Copy !req
12. Uh, well, I guess we could hang out.Copy !req
13. Richard, stop talking.Copy !req
14. I was just ousted from my own company,
a company I built from the ground up.Copy !req
15. My legacy is in ashes.Copy !req
16. Come on. I wouldn't say that.Copy !req
17. - Well, The Wall Street Journal said that.
- Oh.Copy !req
18. I lost everything
because of something you did,Copy !req
19. and you're here at 3:00 a.m.
asking me for a favor?Copy !req
20. Really? You're a mean person, Richard.
You know that?Copy !req
21. You're a bad guy.Copy !req
22. No, no, no, no. I wouldn't say that.Copy !req
23. I think maybe what's happening is thatCopy !req
24. you're just not understanding the
technology I'm trying to build here.Copy !req
25. Oh, so, now I'm stupid, too?Copy !req
26. I know what the technology is, Richard.
I have a patent on it.Copy !req
27. What the fuck is the matter with you?Copy !req
28. So, you're not gonna sign it?Copy !req
29. No, I'm not gonna sign this!Copy !req
30. Jesus, you're a fucking sadist,
you know that?Copy !req
31. You're demented.Copy !req
32. I'm almost tempted to let you have a run at it,
just to watch you waste your fucking time.Copy !req
33. This technology did not work
when Peter theorized it,Copy !req
34. and it doesn't work now.Copy !req
35. It... It actually does work now.Copy !req
36. - It does.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
37. When did the laws of physics change?Copy !req
38. When I exceeded the theoretical limit
of compression at TechCrunch.Copy !req
39. - You were there.
- I know I was there,Copy !req
40. thank you for bringing up
that very painful memory.Copy !req
41. Okay.Copy !req
42. Can I... Can I just...Copy !req
43. - What?
- Draw on this?Copy !req
44. Sure. Why not? It's
shattered, just like I am.Copy !req
45. I read Peter's notes, all of them.Copy !req
46. And, uh, he knew that a peer-to-peer
Internet was possible, in the future.Copy !req
47. But he was also basing that
on what, old desktop computers?Copy !req
48. He never, ever, foresaw the ubiquity or
power of all of our modern-day smartphones.Copy !req
49. He was also dealing with
a completely different Weissman limit.Copy !req
50. So, uh, yeah. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
51. What is that?Copy !req
52. Is that number correct?Copy !req
53. The delta in mean device efficiency?Copy !req
54. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
55. See, eventually, over time,Copy !req
56. this will render every server
that Hooli operates obsolete.Copy !req
57. Which would make Jack Barker shit himself.Copy !req
58. - Holy shit.
- You know what, actually, I'm gonna...Copy !req
59. Welcome to the future, Gavin.Copy !req
60. Whoa! Oh, no! Oh, no!Copy !req
61. - Son of a bitch!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
62. Wow, Dinesh.
This front end design looks great.Copy !req
63. - Thank you.
- Nice work.Copy !req
64. What's in that?Copy !req
65. Uh, that is a burrito for the test.Copy !req
66. - Good to know.
- Oh.Copy !req
67. Let him have it.Copy !req
68. Gilfoyle thought
he was too good to work on SeeFood,Copy !req
69. and now he's about to lose a fortune.Copy !req
70. - So...
- Okay.Copy !req
71. Ready for test.Copy !req
72. After you, milady.Copy !req
73. Oh, this is weird. Mia just texted me,
"Good luck with the demo."Copy !req
74. Did any of you guys tell her about this?Copy !req
75. Your hacker girlfriend
wouldn't happen to knowCopy !req
76. the model of our router, would she?Copy !req
77. Yeah, actually.
She complimented your choice.Copy !req
78. Why didn't you say anything?Copy !req
79. Why would I tell you
she said something nice about you?Copy !req
80. Dammit!Copy !req
81. We have to assume she's everywhere.Copy !req
82. Okay. It's ready.Copy !req
83. Please, God.Copy !req
84. What would you say if I told you
there's an app on the market...Copy !req
85. We're past that part! Just demo it.Copy !req
86. Okay. Let's start with a hotdog.Copy !req
87. Holy shit!Copy !req
88. - Yes!
- It works!Copy !req
89. - Motherfuck!
- Huzzah!Copy !req
90. Jian-Yang, my beautiful
little Asiatic friend,Copy !req
91. I'm going to buy you the
palapa of your life.Copy !req
92. We will have 12 posts, braided palm leaves.Copy !req
93. You'll never feel exposed again.Copy !req
94. I'm gonna be rich.Copy !req
95. Fuck you, Gilfoyle.Copy !req
96. - Do pizza!
- Yes, do pizza.Copy !req
97. - Yeah.
- Do pizza.Copy !req
98. Pizza.Copy !req
99. "Not hotdog"?Copy !req
100. - Wait, what the fuck?
- Huh?Copy !req
101. That's it? It only does hotdogs?Copy !req
102. No. And not hotdog.Copy !req
103. Gimme that. Give it to me.Copy !req
104. Jian-Yang.Copy !req
105. Motherfuck.Copy !req
106. I gave you the ability to spin gold,
and instead you spun pubic hair,Copy !req
107. with shit in it and gravel and corn.Copy !req
108. Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
109. Jian-Yang's actually put together
a pretty good classifier.Copy !req
110. You know, I mean, the core tech is valid.
It just needs to be trained.Copy !req
111. So, what he did for hotdogs,Copy !req
112. he needs to repeat
for every food in existence?Copy !req
113. No. That's very boring work.Copy !req
114. That's scraping the Internet
for thousands of food pictures.Copy !req
115. You can hire someone else.Copy !req
116. We can't, because we just spent
a big, fat stack of cashCopy !req
117. on little Dinesh over here.Copy !req
118. And there are other expenses.Copy !req
119. Legal, marketing, operating fees,
those goddamned AWS charges.Copy !req
120. Fucking Bezos.Copy !req
121. And so, we do not have the fundsCopy !req
122. to hire scut workers
to do your scraping for you.Copy !req
123. And thus, you will scrape the Internet.Copy !req
124. You and you alone.Copy !req
125. I'm sorry, the time to back out
was before you signed the term sheet.Copy !req
126. I'm gonna tell Laurie
that this was a smashing success.Copy !req
127. Go make it one.Copy !req
128. Erlich was right.Copy !req
129. You're a white witch.Copy !req
130. Good. Yes, you are all here.Copy !req
131. Um, I think it's probably time
we all had a chat.Copy !req
132. About what?Copy !req
133. Well, I'm pretty sure
you're all wondering where I've been.Copy !req
134. - You were gone?
- Yes. I was gone all week.Copy !req
135. I saw you come out of the shower yesterday.Copy !req
136. Okay.Copy !req
137. Uh, well, obviously,
I've been sleeping here at night.Copy !req
138. But I've been gone during the day.Copy !req
139. Pretty sure that shower was in the morning.Copy !req
140. - That's part of the day, Richard.
- Okay, Gilfoyle.Copy !req
141. I've been sleeping here at night,
and then I've been here for some mornings,Copy !req
142. but I've left the house during the day.Copy !req
143. We all leave the house
during the day, Richard.Copy !req
144. That's not weird.Copy !req
145. I went to get coffee this morning.Copy !req
146. Yeah, I went to the dispensary.Copy !req
147. And then I'd smoked the weed
before I got home,Copy !req
148. so I went back to the dispensary.Copy !req
149. You know what?Copy !req
150. I just realized
I haven't left the house in six days.Copy !req
151. Now that's worth exploring.Copy !req
152. Okay, I get it.
Look, every day this week, I have beenCopy !req
153. - at Gavin Belson's house.
- What?Copy !req
154. Gavin has offered
to go into business together.Copy !req
155. But, look, I just came
there for the patent.Copy !req
156. And he was the one
who wanted to be full partners.Copy !req
157. What did you say?Copy !req
158. We talked about it, and we agreed
that it would be the best thing to do.Copy !req
159. Oh, good Lord. Richard. No.Copy !req
160. Guys, look. I have the patent.Copy !req
161. I also have funding.Copy !req
162. And real, genuine insight
into the whole thing.Copy !req
163. Let's not forget here
that Gavin is a co-founderCopy !req
164. of a bajillion-dollar tech company.Copy !req
165. Are you out of your fucking mind?Copy !req
166. When you don the skin of the beast,
the man within dies.Copy !req
167. What is that, Nietzsche?Copy !req
168. One of the boys at my group home
always said that.Copy !req
169. He died.Copy !req
170. You're not pulling Dinesh off SeeFood.Copy !req
171. And I am not leaving SeeFood
to go work for Gavin fucking Belson.Copy !req
172. I'm not asking you to.Copy !req
173. You're not?Copy !req
174. Guys, do you not remember
the last time we talkedCopy !req
175. about us all working with Gavin Belson?Copy !req
176. Gilfoyle, you told me
to chortle your balls.Copy !req
177. And everybody else walked out of the room.Copy !req
178. I know how much you hate him,Copy !req
179. which is exactly why I told Gavin
if we were gonna do this thing,Copy !req
180. that you guys wouldn't be coming with.Copy !req
181. So, we have hired a recruiter
to find people to replace you guys.Copy !req
182. Even me?Copy !req
183. Well, no.
You don't really need to be replaced.Copy !req
184. It's true. I can't be replaced.Copy !req
185. Well, when you left video chat, you did
keep the rights to the algorithm. So...Copy !req
186. I mean, it's weird, but I guess
it's really none of our business.Copy !req
187. It's my fucking business.Copy !req
188. - I now own 10%...
- 5%, actually.Copy !req
189. - What?
- 10% of my half of the company is 5%.Copy !req
190. But I mean, look, your shares are gonna be
worth a whole lot more than they ever would,Copy !req
191. now with the patent
and Gavin being involved, so...Copy !req
192. So, then we're all good
here, I guess. Right?Copy !req
193. I think that's right.Copy !req
194. Weird.Copy !req
195. All right. Well, thanks for understanding.Copy !req
196. You're welcome.Copy !req
197. I don't think we need to
be afraid of the Wi-Fi.Copy !req
198. It's pronounced "Wifey,"
and clearly you don't understandCopy !req
199. the threat level of the person
that you're sexually disappointing.Copy !req
200. We're going hard wire.Copy !req
201. What about my phone?Copy !req
202. You mean the thing
that tracks your movement,Copy !req
203. and every interaction you have?Copy !req
204. Literally, your fingerprint?Copy !req
205. The second you're on Wi-Fi it's like
you're leaving her alone with your phone.Copy !req
206. So, actually leaving her
alone with my phone,Copy !req
207. that would be bad?Copy !req
208. You fucking idiot.Copy !req
209. I was in the bathroom.Copy !req
210. For how long?Copy !req
211. A while.Copy !req
212. Who's that?Copy !req
213. Oh, Richard's meeting with Brett Saxby.Copy !req
214. From Hooli?Copy !req
215. Formerly. The recruiter sent him over.Copy !req
216. He's interviewing him
for Head of Engineering.Copy !req
217. Why? That guy sucks.Copy !req
218. Why is Richard in there with Brett Saxby?Copy !req
219. He was in Gavin's inner circle.Copy !req
220. Is Richard aware of that?Copy !req
221. Is anyone taking notes?
Does Richard even have a pen?Copy !req
222. That's so funny.Copy !req
223. It's 10:00 a.m.Copy !req
224. Why are they drinking beer?Copy !req
225. Because he sucks.Copy !req
226. Did Dick say who else he was meeting with?Copy !req
227. The recruiter sent him
like a whole big list right there.Copy !req
228. Gonna be late for class.Copy !req
229. How's that going?Copy !req
230. Uh, it's okay.Copy !req
231. I'm just a little nervous
I might run out of material soon.Copy !req
232. We already watched the Facebook movie,
A.I., The Net, and half of Tron.Copy !req
233. Which Tron?Copy !req
234. What? No, Tron.Copy !req
235. There's two Trons.Copy !req
236. Oh, shit. That's awesome.Copy !req
237. Should get me through another week.Copy !req
238. Thanks!Copy !req
239. This entire list is a
shitshow of shitheads.Copy !req
240. Why would Richard trust a recruiter
to source him recruits?Copy !req
241. - It doesn't make sense.
- Huh.Copy !req
242. - What?
- You guys seem like super-investedCopy !req
243. in who Richard hires
to work with Gavin Belson, that's all.Copy !req
244. Are you insinuating jealousy?Copy !req
245. - This is just concern for Richard's vision.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
246. If Richard wants to saddle himself
with mediocrity, go for it.Copy !req
247. You did not.Copy !req
248. I swear to God, bro. I swear to God.Copy !req
249. Well, I tell you what. Next time you bust
out the old Sea-Doo, give me a call.Copy !req
250. Uh, guys, you know Brett?Copy !req
251. Nope.Copy !req
252. It's great to meet you guys.Copy !req
253. We've met.Copy !req
254. Uh, okay. Well, it has been a pleasure.Copy !req
255. I shall walk you to your car.Copy !req
256. All right, after me.Copy !req
257. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
258. I hate him.Copy !req
259. Gentlemen, I just paid
the palapa contractor.Copy !req
260. The palapa piper, so to speak.Copy !req
261. The dream is a reality.Copy !req
262. We will no longer be
exposed to the elements.Copy !req
263. Hey, Erlich.Copy !req
264. You wanna guess
who's on this list of availablesCopy !req
265. that Richard just got from his recruiter?Copy !req
266. Who?Copy !req
267. Your boy Jian-Yang.Copy !req
268. - What?
- What?Copy !req
269. Jian-Yang!Copy !req
270. You already have a fucking job, Jian-Yang.
You have to finish SeeFood.Copy !req
271. Now get to food scraping.Copy !req
272. I fucking hate SeeFood.Copy !req
273. I have to look at different hotdogs.Copy !req
274. There's Chinese hotdogs,
Polish hotdogs, Jewish hotdogs.Copy !req
275. It's fucking stupid.Copy !req
276. Well, here, here's one more for ya.Copy !req
277. See? Hotdog.
Doesn't even fucking work right.Copy !req
278. You should hire someone
using company money,Copy !req
279. not build a roof over nothing.Copy !req
280. The palapa was budgeted for, Jian-Yang.Copy !req
281. That's what you do when you get funding,Copy !req
282. you upscale your workspace
to help with recruiting.Copy !req
283. You just said you recruit no one.Copy !req
284. Because we spent all the
money on upscaling.Copy !req
285. Why is this so confusing?Copy !req
286. You stealing.Copy !req
287. If you can steal, I can quit.Copy !req
288. I have meetings at Periscope, Airbnb,
good companies.Copy !req
289. The fuck you do.Copy !req
290. We still have $150,000
of Raviga's money left.Copy !req
291. That's three months of burn.Copy !req
292. So, 'til we are dick up and flat broke,
this is your life.Copy !req
293. Get to it.Copy !req
294. This is no life.Copy !req
295. I want to live.Copy !req
296. Erase that dick picture.Copy !req
297. You've got mail.Copy !req
298. Yes.Copy !req
299. Those are very powerful words.Copy !req
300. - Sorry.
- No, it's okay.Copy !req
301. Your phone has technology inside it.Copy !req
302. So, you're double learning.Copy !req
303. Jian-Yang, what in the good fuck is that?Copy !req
304. It's called business expense.Copy !req
305. You buy a hut.Copy !req
306. I buy a car.Copy !req
307. You say keep doing SeeFood
until money is gone.Copy !req
308. Now, the money is gone.Copy !req
309. DickCopy !req
310. is up.Copy !req
311. Where'd you get those sunglasses,
did they come with the car?Copy !req
312. These are from your mom.Copy !req
313. Listen, Jian-Yang.Copy !req
314. You can't just blow the rest of our runway
on a Corvette.Copy !req
315. Who's gonna scrape the Internet?Copy !req
316. Twelve-speaker sound system.
It's very loud. Very expensive.Copy !req
317. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
318. Oh, just three months of runway being
driven off by 90 pounds of asshole.Copy !req
319. Spoken by a 280-pound pile of shit.Copy !req
320. The fuck are you gonna do now?Copy !req
321. Professor Bighetti, a word if you please?Copy !req
322. Richard.Copy !req
323. I know it's none of my business,Copy !req
324. but I worked
with that Brett Saxby fellow at Hooli.Copy !req
325. He's a talented engineer,Copy !req
326. but in an office environment,
he can be both tardy and fresh.Copy !req
327. Uh, I'm not hiring him.Copy !req
328. He uses spaces, not tabs.Copy !req
329. I see. Okay.Copy !req
330. Well, that's a relief.Copy !req
331. But, Richard,
what about the next Brett Saxby?Copy !req
332. Or the Brett Saxby after that?Copy !req
333. And even if you vet them all,
you are still in a room with Gavin.Copy !req
334. So? We're partners. What's your point?Copy !req
335. He and his posse of bandits and cutthroats
will turn on you in a second.Copy !req
336. You need me.Copy !req
337. The half-crazed, half-Apache
who will do anything to get your back.Copy !req
338. I'll scalp Gavin if I have to,Copy !req
339. and all the rest of those
pale-faced sons of bitches.Copy !req
340. I'll kill them with knives.
I'll kill them with guns.Copy !req
341. I'll kill them with my hands.
I'll talk them into suicide.Copy !req
342. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
343. All right, Jared.
I think what you're asking is...Copy !req
344. You want a job?Copy !req
345. If you think you can find a place for me.Copy !req
346. Yeah. Of course, Jared.Copy !req
347. You're more than welcome to work on this.Copy !req
348. But just to be clear,
you're not gonna stab anyone, are you?Copy !req
349. Oh, it feels good to laugh.Copy !req
350. So, that's a no, then?Copy !req
351. Richard.Copy !req
352. So, we're not gonna finish the movie?Copy !req
353. Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
354. But my colleague here was pretty adamantCopy !req
355. that a better use of class time might be
to learn while accomplishing something.Copy !req
356. Now, take one, pass it all the way down.Copy !req
357. We're supposed to scrape the Internet
for thousands of food images?Copy !req
358. Yeah. So, you'll find like five,
or 30,000 pictures of your food.Copy !req
359. And then put them in a folder
with that food's name on it.Copy !req
360. And it's good if you get like,
weird angles or lighting of your food.Copy !req
361. So, it should be pretty fun.Copy !req
362. So, we're gathering training data
to run through a convolutional neural net.Copy !req
363. Like an image classifier?Copy !req
364. Who wants broccoli?Copy !req
365. Broccolini, for the ladies? Broccoli.Copy !req
366. Just so you know,
this does not mean I don't trust her.Copy !req
367. I'm just doing this so you'll,
like, shut up and leave me alone.Copy !req
368. Mia, if you're listening, you're so pretty.Copy !req
369. Oh, you're both headed to Gavin's?Copy !req
370. Indeed we are.Copy !req
371. Together again.Copy !req
372. Butch Cassidy
and his head of business development.Copy !req
373. Oh, wow.
Another Western reference.Copy !req
374. Yaw!Copy !req
375. Let's go.Copy !req
376. You know, he'd hire you, too.Copy !req
377. What?Copy !req
378. All you have to do
is admit that you want the job.Copy !req
379. And like, get down on your knees and beg.Copy !req
380. Says the guy who's romancing a woman
through a phone that isn't even on.Copy !req
381. A woman that he described to me in private
as a skinny little fuck factory.Copy !req
382. Oh! No, I didn't! God.Copy !req
383. Mia, I would never do that.Copy !req
384. Richard, Brett Saxby
ran my data analytics team for three years.Copy !req
385. Respectfully, I think passing on him
is a mistake.Copy !req
386. Yes. Well, I met with
Brett Saxby and, um...Copy !req
387. Uh... To be honest...Copy !req
388. To be honest, I don't think he's our man.Copy !req
389. Fair enough. There are
plenty of good alternatives on this list.Copy !req
390. Although I'm a little confused
by your notes on some of these people.Copy !req
391. "David Burnham.Copy !req
392. "Annoying slob, fucked-up face, I could
write better Python with my asshole."Copy !req
393. You know what, I think, you have my list.Copy !req
394. Yes. I have a very weird shorthand.Copy !req
395. Yeah.Copy !req
396. Okay. Next.Copy !req
397. Becca... No, guys. That
goes in the sun room.Copy !req
398. I'll show you. All right. Back in a flash.Copy !req
399. Come this way, gentlemen. Here.Copy !req
400. God, there are pages of
graphic insults here.Copy !req
401. Fucking Gilfoyle.Copy !req
402. Right?Copy !req
403. Richard, would you be open
to having Gilfoyle on the team?Copy !req
404. Oh, yeah. Of course.Copy !req
405. I mean, I'd hire him in a second,
but he'd never do it.Copy !req
406. Richard, Gilfoyle is a
man of intense pride.Copy !req
407. So, when he refers to a potential employee
as a "pig-faced fuck nose,"Copy !req
408. what I hear is, "I need to be needed."Copy !req
409. Well, what I hear is pig-faced fuck nose.Copy !req
410. Exactly.Copy !req
411. I mean, Gilfoyle's insults
are normally well-crafted, almost poetic.Copy !req
412. Last week, he referred to me
as Frankenstein's bulimic daughter.Copy !req
413. Yeah. I get what you mean.Copy !req
414. So, what do you want me to do, Jared?
Beg him?Copy !req
415. Well, I think a little outreach
would be in the company's best interest.Copy !req
416. And really, "butt-dick"?Copy !req
417. The man's in pain.Copy !req
418. Hey, I know this system is super-confusing,
but we don't see any completed assignments.Copy !req
419. Cut the shit. Where's the work?Copy !req
420. Well, we all got to talking
the other day after class.Copy !req
421. We couldn't figure out
if you were like a TA,Copy !req
422. or why you were giving us assignments,Copy !req
423. but we all agreed we didn't like the way that
you were speaking to Professor Bighetti.Copy !req
424. I'm used to it.Copy !req
425. So, we searched your name on PitchBook,Copy !req
426. and that SeeFood app
you got funded at Raviga popped up.Copy !req
427. PitchBook?
How do you have access to PitchBook?Copy !req
428. Your idea was so simple,Copy !req
429. it was like something you could come
up with in the room during a meeting.Copy !req
430. Which is what Garrett from Coleman Blair
told us at the CS undergrad mixer on Friday.Copy !req
431. Hey, Erlich. Here I am.Copy !req
432. Class of '06.Copy !req
433. Go Cardinal.Copy !req
434. Go Cardinal.Copy !req
435. Anyways, we founded our own
Shazam for food company,Copy !req
436. - and he's funding us.
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
437. - Congrats!
- Wait, that's stealing.Copy !req
438. No, it's exactly what Mark Zuckerberg didCopy !req
439. to the Winklevi in that Facebook movie
Professor Bighetti had us watch.Copy !req
440. And he was the hero of that film.Copy !req
441. And with all of us working together,
we'll easily beat you to market.Copy !req
442. So, that's how it goes, huh? Hmm?Copy !req
443. You steal a man's idea,
rendering his company worthless?Copy !req
444. I've read a number of disparaging articles
about your generation in The AtlanticCopy !req
445. It's all true.Copy !req
446. Trigger warning, fuck you.Copy !req
447. Professor Bighetti, I'll see you at home.Copy !req
448. You apologize?Copy !req
449. In this case, yes, I apologize.Copy !req
450. Who am I to advise you
on your very valuable company?Copy !req
451. It's time to let you go, like a bird.Copy !req
452. So, go out there, without me.Copy !req
453. Make your recipe app.Copy !req
454. Take your meetings.Copy !req
455. Live.Copy !req
456. That being said, since there's no cash
to buy me out, I propose this.Copy !req
457. Allow me to keep the palapa,
and give me the 'vette.Copy !req
458. You're cashing out?Copy !req
459. Dinesh, stay out of this please.Copy !req
460. Car and a hut for 10%.Copy !req
461. It's a palapa.Copy !req
462. Okay. It's a deal.Copy !req
463. You know, the car was a mistake.Copy !req
464. I was driving next to a store window.Copy !req
465. And I stop and look in my reflection.Copy !req
466. I look like an asshole.Copy !req
467. Yes, I'm sure it was just the car.Copy !req
468. A little piece of advice
regarding American culture.Copy !req
469. A Corvette takes a certain sort of man
to be able to pull off.Copy !req
470. Like a fedora.Copy !req
471. Anyway, keys?Copy !req
472. Oh, and now that I'm out of the company,
you'll need to tell Monica what transpired.Copy !req
473. Thank you.Copy !req
474. Gentlemen, I'm off to be
out and about in the 'vette.Copy !req
475. Be back for supper, that is, of course, unless
I get fucked to death by the fairer sex.Copy !req
476. Gilfoyle, Richard would like a moment,
if you don't mind.Copy !req
477. You guys need me to go somewhere else?Copy !req
478. No, it's fine. You can stay.
You can hear this. Uh...Copy !req
479. Okay. Well, Gilfoyle,
I have reviewed the candidatesCopy !req
480. and it is very clear to me
that our company cannot succeedCopy !req
481. without your unrivaled talents
as a systems architect.Copy !req
482. So, would you please, please, please,
please come work for Pied Piper?Copy !req
483. Thanks for asking.Copy !req
484. I'm going to put this
as delicately as I know how.Copy !req
485. You can chortle my balls.Copy !req
486. Okay. Wow.Copy !req
487. So, who do we want to run front-end dev?Copy !req
488. "Cunt-ass" or "fuck-jerk"?Copy !req
489. Listen.Copy !req
490. This thing with Gavin
isn't gonna work without me.Copy !req
491. So, because I feel bad for you, and because
I'd hate to see you fuck up good tech,Copy !req
492. which will happen if I'm not there,
I'm willing to help you.Copy !req
493. That's a beautiful gesture.Copy !req
494. So, you're back aboard?Copy !req
495. FYI, Becca Thorton is a cancerous prolapsed
anus of a human being,Copy !req
496. but as a systems engineer,
she's not all bad.Copy !req
497. Laurie?Copy !req
498. Oh! Yes. Monica, come in.
I just heard the good news.Copy !req
499. About...Copy !req
500. Jian-Yang's nimble pivot.Copy !req
501. Back away from the glass, please.Copy !req
502. Special occasion!Copy !req
503. He told me the whole story.Copy !req
504. His interview at Periscope,Copy !req
505. his discovery of the photo
of Bachman's genitals on his phone,Copy !req
506. when demonstrating the app,Copy !req
507. and his eureka moment.Copy !req
508. When it turned out
that his "not hotdog" technologyCopy !req
509. outperformed Periscope's own technology.Copy !req
510. He said all that?Copy !req
511. Not quickly.Copy !req
512. The eventual point, Jian-YangCopy !req
513. unwittingly crafted an amazing tool
for the real-time detectionCopy !req
514. and filtering of penile imagery.Copy !req
515. I mean, Periscope does have a dick problem.Copy !req
516. Monica. Ugh.Copy !req
517. Jian-Yang went to Periscope for a job,Copy !req
518. and walked out
with a $4 million acquisition offer.Copy !req
519. Given our liquidation preference,
we have 10-X'd in two weeks.Copy !req
520. So, hats off.Copy !req
521. Well, thank you so much...Copy !req
522. To Ed Chen for his shrewd call,
both to invest in this and make you lead.Copy !req
523. He is quite astute.Copy !req
524. Which is why
we've promoted him to senior partner.Copy !req
525. Yeah.Copy !req
526. Monica, you've got Erlich.Copy !req
527. I'm here with Jian-Yang and he just told meCopy !req
528. that you traded 10% of the company
for a used car and a...Copy !req
529. A hut.Copy !req
530. A hut?Copy !req
531. A palapa. And so what?Copy !req
532. What do you mean
it's a half-a-million-dollar palapa?Copy !req
533. Erlich, is the refrigerator running?Copy !req
534. It's Mike Hunt.Copy !req
535. And he's rich.Copy !req
536. Shit!Copy !req
537. Oh, hey, um,
when you begged Richard for the job,Copy !req
538. did you actually, like,
literally lick his boots?Copy !req
539. Or did you just go,
like, "Pretty please, Richard?Copy !req
540. "Please, can I have a job, Richard?"Copy !req
541. Whatever I did, it was worth it
for the chance to work without you.Copy !req
542. Speaking of, did your deal with Periscope
ever close?Copy !req
543. Yep.Copy !req
544. If I stay a year,
I vest a big chunk of Twitter stock.Copy !req
545. - Great.
- Great.Copy !req
546. And what exactly are you working on?Copy !req
547. Oh, you know, we're tuning our algorithm.Copy !req
548. We're reconfiguring ourCopy !req
549. classifier from food toCopy !req
550. another purpose.Copy !req
551. In other words, you sit around
and look at dick pics all day long.Copy !req
552. Don't let me stop you.Copy !req
553. Wow.Copy !req
554. I would say not safe for work,
but this is your work.Copy !req
555. For a year.Copy !req
556. At least.Copy !req
557. Is that oneCopy !req
558. actually a hotdog?Copy !req
559. Nope.Copy !req
560. Not hotdog.Copy !req