1. So, as you can see,Copy !req
2. since I became CEO,
our user growth, undeniable,Copy !req
3. our retention, so sticky,
it's pornographic.Copy !req
4. We're lean, we're exploding.Copy !req
5. And we're more mission-focused than ever
in providing the best video chatCopy !req
6. the world has ever seen.Copy !req
7. Wow. Well, this seems
really promising, gentlemen.Copy !req
8. Promising, indeed.Copy !req
9. - I think if we just...
- "Promising"?Copy !req
10. You're a young associate here,Copy !req
11. so, I'm gonna help you out, okay?Copy !req
12. We have a lot of these meetings set up.
We will be fine.Copy !req
13. What he means by that is...Copy !req
14. But you, you don't wanna be known around
here as the guy who fucked this up, okay?Copy !req
15. So, when you hip your bosses to our numbersCopy !req
16. and they get visible hard-ons,
have them move quickly.Copy !req
17. Erlich, you're with me.Copy !req
18. - It's "hards-on."
- What?Copy !req
19. "Hards-on," not "hard-ons."Copy !req
20. It's a syntactical error
that I could have remediedCopy !req
21. if you'd just given me the space to speak.Copy !req
22. Erlich. I'm seeing you Thursday, right?Copy !req
23. You better believe it. I can't wait for it.Copy !req
24. - For...
- For Jian-Yang's pitch.Copy !req
25. His new idea sounds super exciting.Copy !req
26. Yes, well, he is white-hot right now, and
that's why I had him reach out directly,Copy !req
27. and we can't wait to pitch you the idea
that is gonna be pitched to you.Copy !req
28. Great. I'll see you then.Copy !req
29. - You have no idea what it is, do you?
- Not a fucking clue.Copy !req
30. Always blue! Always blue! Always blue!Copy !req
31. Always blue! Always blue!Copy !req
32. Always blue. Always blue. Always blue...Copy !req
33. - Hey.
- Always...Copy !req
34. Richard? Hey.Copy !req
35. What's... There you are. What's going on?
You celebrating something?Copy !req
36. We were just chanting.Copy !req
37. - Why? What, the pitches go well?
- They went fine, you could say.Copy !req
38. You said they went awesome.Copy !req
39. All right. Thank you, Big Head.
I mean, I did get us a few offers.Copy !req
40. We did receive more than a few offers,
as few often refers to "three".Copy !req
41. And today, we're four for four.Copy !req
42. - Which... I mean, what does that even mean?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.Copy !req
43. Look,
you don't have to do this, really.Copy !req
44. It was my choice to leave the company,Copy !req
45. and besides, my Internet thing is going
great. Really, it's going very well.Copy !req
46. So, I want you to succeed,
and I want you guys to be happy.Copy !req
47. Sure you do, slugger.Copy !req
48. Stop. Really.Copy !req
49. - It's cool. I mean that totally honestly.
- Keep it positive.Copy !req
50. Um, I should go skype my dad, I think,
and tell him the good news.Copy !req
51. Um, it is good news, though, right?Copy !req
52. 'Cause we were all sort of,
like, happy and celebrating, but now...Copy !req
53. Now, it feels sort of weird...Copy !req
54. - Let's go, Big Head.
- Okay.Copy !req
55. - It's good?
- Yes.Copy !req
56. All right, well, enjoy. Carry on.
Always blue.Copy !req
57. - Jared.
- Okay.Copy !req
58. - Always blue. Always blue...
- Sorry.Copy !req
59. Dinesh, I think
you accidentally disabled my access keysCopy !req
60. for the video chat data repository.Copy !req
61. No, actually, I deleted them on purpose.Copy !req
62. I've purged all our ex-employees'.
Gleb, Sanjay, Elisabet, you...Copy !req
63. Gleb? What, you're comparing me to Gleb?Copy !req
64. When we agreed to split the company,Copy !req
65. we said that you could take
the algorithm for your video chat,Copy !req
66. and I could use
the data flowing through the systemCopy !req
67. to optimize the algorithm for my thing.
We had a deal.Copy !req
68. We had an agreement, not
technically a deal.Copy !req
69. What the fuck, Dinesh?Copy !req
70. Play, play. Blue, blue.
Always blue, always blue.Copy !req
71. Have fun, you're having a party.
You got pizza and everything.Copy !req
72. Always blue...Copy !req
73. So, what, I should've got it
in writing, Dinesh? Is that it?Copy !req
74. You wanna lawyer-up now?Copy !req
75. You know, we're just some guys in a house.Copy !req
76. But I don't wanna be
just guys in a house, Richard.Copy !req
77. That's the whole point.
I want PiperChat to be a real company.Copy !req
78. And after all the bullshit we went through,
no offense,Copy !req
79. I finally got some real financing
lined up for us.Copy !req
80. I cannot have another
Intersite on my hands.Copy !req
81. That was fucking Russ
and his shitty tequila.Copy !req
82. You know that, man. You were there.
That wasn't me.Copy !req
83. Richard, it happened on your watch.Copy !req
84. I'm sorry. I really am.Copy !req
85. But the answer is no.Copy !req
86. Okay. Well, suck a dick.Copy !req
87. I'm sorry. What did you say?Copy !req
88. - Nice blazer.
- Thank you.Copy !req
89. - Where'd you get it?
- Does it matter?Copy !req
90. I just wanna know where I can get one,Copy !req
91. so I can look like a
total fucking douchebag.Copy !req
92. Wow, right?Copy !req
93. Unbelievable.Copy !req
94. Gents, why don't we take
this party outside?Copy !req
95. Yes. We live in California,
we should take advantage of it.Copy !req
96. Gavin, you told me to interrupt
if Jack Barker came to see you. I'm sorry.Copy !req
97. Yes. Send him in. I thought Barker
would crack after one day in that basement.Copy !req
98. The fact that it's taken him two weeksCopy !req
99. to fess up about hijacking my fucking plane
and resign,Copy !req
100. will make it all the sweeter.Copy !req
101. Hiya, Skipper. Sorry to barge in.
I owe you an apology.Copy !req
102. Really? Whatever for?Copy !req
103. When you stuck me in that basement,Copy !req
104. I was like,
"Jack, what the hell did you do wrong?"Copy !req
105. And I'm sorry that it took me so long
to get it through my thick skull.Copy !req
106. I finally figured out
what this was all about.Copy !req
107. Well, I'm glad to hear it.Copy !req
108. You are doing exactly
what Bobby Iger does over at Disney.Copy !req
109. What?Copy !req
110. He makes every manager spend
one day of the year in the Goofy suit.Copy !req
111. Because sometimes,
you just gotta be at product levelCopy !req
112. to be able to see the best path forward.Copy !req
113. And once I realized that, it was like,
ka-pow! "It was so obvious."Copy !req
114. It's the algorithm.Copy !req
115. Pied Piper put middle-out in their vid
chat, and it's amazing now. I know.Copy !req
116. I'm on that all the time with my grandkids.Copy !req
117. We could use middle-out
to revamp our entire suite of products.Copy !req
118. We can make billions, Chief.Copy !req
119. I'm whipping up some proposals right nowCopy !req
120. that are gonna knock that wig
right off your head.Copy !req
121. Yeah.Copy !req
122. What the fuck is he up to?Copy !req
123. Look like a fucking wig to you?Copy !req
124. The point is, Jian-Yang,
you don't set pitches.Copy !req
125. I handle the scheduling,
that's the symbiosis of our relationship.Copy !req
126. - No.
- What do you mean, "No?"Copy !req
127. No.Copy !req
128. Jian-Yang, PiperChat has
some real heat, okay?Copy !req
129. And we can draft off of that,Copy !req
130. but it has to be
a carefully choreographed dance.Copy !req
131. You can't just wiggle your little tushCopy !req
132. and expect every VC in the Valley
to get hards-on.Copy !req
133. I am your lead investor,
you will respect me as such.Copy !req
134. I do not respect you.Copy !req
135. You're not any kind of investor.
You own nothing.Copy !req
136. I own 10%. You live in my incubator.Copy !req
137. - No, you evict me, I evict your 10%.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
138. "Santa Clara Sheriff's Department.
Vacate or be forcibly removed."Copy !req
139. To be fair, Jian-Yang, I filed this when I had
no expectation that the system would work.Copy !req
140. - Okay.
- Jian-Yang, just tell me...Copy !req
141. Can you just tell me what the idea is,Copy !req
142. so I can gauge
how aggressively I should pursue it?Copy !req
143. Hey, Jared, you were there, right?
When we split the company into two,Copy !req
144. - Dinesh and I had a very...
- No, no. Stop, stop. Please stop, Richard.Copy !req
145. - What?
- What are you doing?Copy !req
146. What do you mean?
I'm complaining about Dinesh. He sucks.Copy !req
147. - He's my boss now, Richard.
- Well, your boss is being a real prick.Copy !req
148. Richard, we have to
bifurcate our relationship.Copy !req
149. You and I can no longer discuss business.Copy !req
150. All right? We can talk about anything else
two guys might talk about.Copy !req
151. We can talk about
sports teams and their scores, or pussy.Copy !req
152. But you and I cannot,
and will not discuss business.Copy !req
153. Hey, man. For what it's worth, I thought
it was super fucked up, what Dinesh did.Copy !req
154. I know what it's like to be the one guy
not in the company, you know?Copy !req
155. So,Copy !req
156. if you want my login, it's all yours.Copy !req
157. Really?Copy !req
158. - Yeah, man.
- Thanks.Copy !req
159. You know, I shouldn't do this.
Dinesh said no.Copy !req
160. - And also, these are Skyrim cheat codes.
- Oh, shit. Yeah.Copy !req
161. My Bloomberg interview is on!Copy !req
162. "How did I come up with PiperChat?"
That's a very good question.Copy !req
163. I guess the tech gods
were just speaking through me.Copy !req
164. Somehow, I knew to take
the best parts of the serviceCopy !req
165. as substandard and crappy as HooliChat,Copy !req
166. and make it...
How do I put this?Copy !req
167. Incredible.Copy !req
168. Do you think
I have too much product on my hair?Copy !req
169. Nope. I think you should use more.Copy !req
170. Wait, are you saying that
because you think I look ridiculousCopy !req
171. and you want me to look
more ridiculous next time?Copy !req
172. Which answer will get
more of that stuff in your hair?Copy !req
173. Wait, wait, wait, watch this.
This is where I make Emily Chang laugh.Copy !req
174. Quite a turnaround for a company
that wasn't exactly soaring.Copy !req
175. Oh, it was soaring, Emily.Copy !req
176. Right into a clogged toilet.Copy !req
177. And not just like a
standard clogged toilet.Copy !req
178. Like, I don't need a plunger,
I need a shovel and a bucket.Copy !req
179. But enough about the previous leadership,
which was inept, lame, bitter...Copy !req
180. Fuck it. We had a deal.Copy !req
181. Thanks.Copy !req
182. That's weird.Copy !req
183. Hey, Richard. Have you seen the new
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition?Copy !req
184. The cover model has the most lovely,
enigmatic facial expression.Copy !req
185. Jared, I don't really wanna
talk about guy talk.Copy !req
186. I'm here to tell you that I think
Dinesh may be in some serious trouble.Copy !req
187. Okay, so, I was analyzing a
bunch of user data, and I...Copy !req
188. No, no, no. Richard, Richard.Copy !req
189. I told you, I can't talk about this.
You have to bifurcate.Copy !req
190. No, Jared, listen,
you're gonna wanna hear this...Copy !req
191. Wait. What do you mean
you were looking at user data?Copy !req
192. You violated our system?
Richard, you were inside us?Copy !req
193. Don't tell Dinesh,
and don't tell any of the other guys, okay?Copy !req
194. "Don't tell Dinesh?"
Richard, Dinesh is my CEO.Copy !req
195. - Oh, God.
- What are you doing to me?Copy !req
196. - Did I make you angry?
- No.Copy !req
197. I'm trying to save his ass, okay?
I'm trying to save you.Copy !req
198. Just survey the users.Copy !req
199. And make sure you ask
how old they are, okay?Copy !req
200. And then, that's it. That's it. That's it.
No more.Copy !req
201. Stupid fucking Jian-Yang and his shitty
app. I don't even know if it is shitty.Copy !req
202. You know, I could probably
find out about Jian-Yang's app.Copy !req
203. He asked if he could
practice-pitch it to me.Copy !req
204. - Do you have any nines?
- Go fish.Copy !req
205. Wait, this could be great.
What time are you guys doing that?Copy !req
206. I could listen in.Copy !req
207. I don't know. He asked if he could
pitch me, and I said, "Sure,"Copy !req
208. and then he just kept talking for a while.Copy !req
209. You don't think
that could have been the pitch, do you?Copy !req
210. - God damn it, what did he say?
- Jeez, I kind of zoned out.Copy !req
211. Shit. Fives?Copy !req
212. Uh, go fish. Wait.Copy !req
213. I don't know if this would be relevant,Copy !req
214. but he did say the word "Oculus"
a whole bunch.Copy !req
215. - Wait. "Oculus"?
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
216. Oh, my God. It's a VR play.Copy !req
217. That's the frothiest space
in the Valley right now.Copy !req
218. Nobody understands it,
but everybody wants in.Copy !req
219. Any idiot can walk into a fucking room,Copy !req
220. utter the letters "V" and "R,"
and VCs will hurl bricks of cash at them.Copy !req
221. Then, by the time they find out
that it's vaporware, it's too late.Copy !req
222. I have got to get in on this.Copy !req
223. Trust me. Just give me five minutes.
There he is.Copy !req
224. Wait, is that our lawyer?Copy !req
225. Hey!Copy !req
226. I thought he was in jail.Copy !req
227. Hey. Perfect timing.Copy !req
228. I just completed the detailing on this Kia.
Come on.Copy !req
229. What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
230. Wait, I don't understand.Copy !req
231. How did Richard have access
to our user data?Copy !req
232. Someone must have let him in. It was you.
You're a fucking rat, Jared.Copy !req
233. Richard entered us without consent.Copy !req
234. In spite of that,
he has raised a real issue here.Copy !req
235. Fuck this. I'm gonna Uber home.Copy !req
236. Mr. Monahan, good luck
with this whole work release situation,Copy !req
237. but I have more important things to do.Copy !req
238. Mr. Chugtai.Copy !req
239. It appears that 33% of your users
are under the age of 13.Copy !req
240. It's also apparent that you have no
parental permission requirements in place.Copy !req
241. You're going to want to sit down for this.Copy !req
242. - Are you familiar with COPPA?
- Who?Copy !req
243. It's the Children's Online
Privacy and Protection Act.Copy !req
244. This act establishes strict guidelinesCopy !req
245. to protect the privacy
of younger children on the Internet.Copy !req
246. You are in gross violation of this act.Copy !req
247. You know how kids can't have a YouTube
or Facebook account till they're 13?Copy !req
248. It's because of this.Copy !req
249. Yes, but our users are chatting
with each other, Jared, not some old creep.Copy !req
250. - No offense.
- None taken.Copy !req
251. My shame will linger
even after my voting rights are restored.Copy !req
252. Now, are there records
of these chats on your server?Copy !req
253. Yeah, we store everything.Copy !req
254. What... Okay, what's going on?
How serious is this?Copy !req
255. Each violation of COPPACopy !req
256. carries a penalty of $16,000.Copy !req
257. So, we're fined $16,000? Oh, no.Copy !req
258. I hope they take cash.Copy !req
259. $16,000 per user.Copy !req
260. Not only each user, each use.Copy !req
261. Fifty-one thousand estimated underage usersCopy !req
262. times an average 25.6
chat sessions per userCopy !req
263. times $16,000...Copy !req
264. $21 billion?Copy !req
265. I mean, how is that even fucking possible?Copy !req
266. I mean, I knew Dinesh was going
to fuck this all up, but honestly,Copy !req
267. this couldn't get any better.Copy !req
268. What's with his shirt?Copy !req
269. He sort of became ill on himself.Copy !req
270. I was wrong. This just got better.Copy !req
271. This is all your fault, Richard.
This was your company before it was mine.Copy !req
272. What are you talking about?Copy !req
273. Dinesh, I specifically reminded youCopy !req
274. to port over the terms of service
from the platform.Copy !req
275. Right. And I asked if you'd done it,
and you said you had.Copy !req
276. Okay.Copy !req
277. I checked the TOS box
when we submitted it to the App Store,Copy !req
278. but then I didn't end
up doing it, all right?Copy !req
279. And then when we caught fire,
the last thing I wanted to doCopy !req
280. was to bog our users down
with legal bullshit, you know?Copy !req
281. I mean, nobody reads that stuff, anyway.Copy !req
282. Well, first of all,
everyone reads the terms of service,Copy !req
283. and secondly, they would have given us
legal cover from exactly this.Copy !req
284. Every sound is $16,000.Copy !req
285. - Fuck!
- All right, all right. Don't think about that.Copy !req
286. Just think about how to solve
this massive, massive problem.Copy !req
287. Quickly. Quick as you can.Copy !req
288. Jared, just...Copy !req
289. Wait. We could shut down.Copy !req
290. No, no, no. Not when we're this close
to signing a term sheet.Copy !req
291. And in case all of you
gents have forgotten,Copy !req
292. I'm on the hook for half a million Clambos
for this thing.Copy !req
293. Well, we can't stay online!
We're just racking up more fines!Copy !req
294. Well, technically, this is a corporation.Copy !req
295. So, whatever they fine you,Copy !req
296. they'll really only be able to collect
what the company is worth,Copy !req
297. which, at this point,
is, basically, nothing.Copy !req
298. That's right. I'm just the CEO.
I'm not personally liable.Copy !req
299. Although...Copy !req
300. Although what?Copy !req
301. Well, when you lied to me
about adding terms of service,Copy !req
302. it could be argued, you violated
your fiduciary duty to the company,Copy !req
303. rendering you personally liable.Copy !req
304. I mean, if the FTC brought us to trial, I
could be compelled to testify against you.Copy !req
305. Jared, I trusted you.Copy !req
306. Oh, trust has nothing to do with it,
but thanks for making that official.Copy !req
307. So, I could be personally liable
for $21 billion?Copy !req
308. Yeah, most likely.Copy !req
309. I know in the fable, Pied Piper led
all the children into darkness,Copy !req
310. but now, we're doing it.
So, what do you wanna do?Copy !req
311. I'm gonna throw up again.Copy !req
312. I'm gonna watch this.Copy !req
313. I want full surveillance
on Jack Barker 24/7.Copy !req
314. I don't recommend
using conventional listening devices.Copy !req
315. He may sweep for those.Copy !req
316. I do have a colleague at Facebook
that has a laser microphone,Copy !req
317. you can point it at an office window
from a mile awayCopy !req
318. and read the sound vibrations.Copy !req
319. I like it.Copy !req
320. Hoover, you're the only person I can trust
at this goddamn company.Copy !req
321. - It's good to have a friend.
- I understand that, sir.Copy !req
322. Ah, Gavin, there you are.Copy !req
323. Well, I don't want to interrupt
your talking with HooverCopy !req
324. and talking and talking about things.Copy !req
325. - But I have some concrete news.
- Regarding?Copy !req
326. Jack Barker.Copy !req
327. By foregoing western gadgetry,Copy !req
328. simply stationing myself
in the hall outside of his office,Copy !req
329. I was able to overhear him
speaking of his plans to move against you.Copy !req
330. He even referred to you as "Gavin Smelson."Copy !req
331. I knew it.Copy !req
332. Good work, Denpok. Good work.Copy !req
333. Let's go slice this bastard in half, yeah?Copy !req
334. Hold on. We need proof.Copy !req
335. Otherwise, he'll just deny it, and it'll
just be a case of "he said, she said."Copy !req
336. Good point. Denpok, who was he talking to?Copy !req
337. Um...Copy !req
338. Alas, I could not see this
from my hidden vantage point.Copy !req
339. I'll check the logs
and see who was in his office.Copy !req
340. No, because...Copy !req
341. No one was there.Copy !req
342. I'm confused. Was he on the phone?Copy !req
343. Yes. Very perceptive.Copy !req
344. - Easy, I'll just pull up his phone records...
- No.Copy !req
345. Not the "phone" phone.Copy !req
346. So, what was he doing?
Was he video chatting?Copy !req
347. That's what it was, chela.Copy !req
348. - Even better, I'll pull up the chat data.
- You can do that?Copy !req
349. Well, as long as he was on HooliChat.Copy !req
350. But the bastard kept grinding in my face
how much he loved PiperChat.Copy !req
351. - What if he was using...
- PiperChat!Copy !req
352. - Yes.
- Fuck!Copy !req
353. He said the resolution was
so vivid and superior to HooliChat.Copy !req
354. Ah. Sadly, now,
we'll never know the identity of the personCopy !req
355. with whom he was definitely talking.Copy !req
356. - Unless...
- Unless what?Copy !req
357. Dinesh?Copy !req
358. Hey, man. How's it going?Copy !req
359. Bad.Copy !req
360. Well, look. I've been there, man.Copy !req
361. - No, you haven't.
- I have.Copy !req
362. One time when we were
pitching at Ross Loma,Copy !req
363. I threw up in my pants.Copy !req
364. Don't you mean "on"?Copy !req
365. Nope.Copy !req
366. No, I mean "in."Copy !req
367. We were pitching, and, well,
things weren't really going well.Copy !req
368. I was getting nervous,Copy !req
369. and, I don't know, I think
I must've eaten something bad that day.Copy !req
370. Anyway, my stomach was upside down,
so I made a beeline to the stall.Copy !req
371. But then I pulled down my pants, sat down,Copy !req
372. but instead of shit, I
threw up into my pants.Copy !req
373. Well, I was CEO for 11 days.Copy !req
374. And in that time, I violated the
rights of 50,000 little girls,Copy !req
375. exposed them to sexual predators,Copy !req
376. and racked up fines
the size of a small nation's GDP.Copy !req
377. Yeah. I threw up in my pants.Copy !req
378. Fuck.Copy !req
379. What do I do, Richard?Copy !req
380. There are no right answers.Copy !req
381. You know, when I was CEO,Copy !req
382. I found that it was more about choosing the
one wrong answer that you can live with.Copy !req
383. I really loved that video chat.Copy !req
384. Hello?Copy !req
385. This is he.Copy !req
386. What?Copy !req
387. It's Gavin Belson.Copy !req
388. It's Gavin fucking Belson!Copy !req
389. Hey. Gavin Belson. What's up?Copy !req
390. Oh, my God, we're crushing it.
All the time.Copy !req
391. I'm in a bathtub.Copy !req
392. Yeah!Copy !req
393. Of course. I'd love to.Copy !req
394. Bye.Copy !req
395. He wants to meet me at Josephina's tonight.
Did I say yes?Copy !req
396. Holy shit.Copy !req
397. Gavin Belson wants to acquire PiperChat.Copy !req
398. He made the same call to me back when
he wanted to make an offer for Pied Piper.Copy !req
399. He could take this entire shit-bomb
off Dinesh's hands?Copy !req
400. Where's the fun in that?Copy !req
401. More importantly, I could get
all my money back. Maybe even more.Copy !req
402. We could 10X this motherfucker, gents.Copy !req
403. - Although...
- Although what?Copy !req
404. Well, I'm sorry to play the Cassandra again,
but Dinesh can't sell Gavin the company.Copy !req
405. - Why not?
- Why the fuck not?Copy !req
406. It's due diligence.Copy !req
407. Gavin doesn't trust anyone.Copy !req
408. When I worked for him,
he tried to microchip me.Copy !req
409. Before he finalized any acquisition,Copy !req
410. his legal team would uncover
our malfeasance.Copy !req
411. They'd sniff out the
user issue immediately.Copy !req
412. And they'd probably turn you in.
And you do not want that.Copy !req
413. I mean, there's also the moral quandary.Copy !req
414. Even if he could get away with it,
could Dinesh really sell the companyCopy !req
415. knowing it's basically a sizzler buffet
for the sexually deranged?Copy !req
416. Of course he could.Copy !req
417. Because even if there is
a 1% chance of successCopy !req
418. and a 99% chance of failure, and prison,Copy !req
419. he will do the right thing
and get me my money back.Copy !req
420. I'm sorry, Erlich. I've made my decision.Copy !req
421. I'm gonna say no to Gavin Belson,
shut it down, and just see what happens.Copy !req
422. What the fuck? Huh?
What the fuck?Copy !req
423. Jian-Yang!Copy !req
424. Hey, Gavin. Well...Copy !req
425. Dinesh. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
426. Listen, Gavin. I've thought about it, and
if this is about you buying PiperChat...Copy !req
427. I didn't come here today
to buy your company.Copy !req
428. You didn't?Copy !req
429. No. I came to take it.Copy !req
430. I thought I'd have to buy you out,Copy !req
431. and I wanted to know
what kind of CEO I'd be dealing with,Copy !req
432. so, I had my comms people pull your press.Copy !req
433. Like this interview you did with TechCrunch,
where you describe PiperChat as, and I quote,Copy !req
434. "Exactly like HooliChat,
but without the suck-ass parts," end quote.Copy !req
435. Or the one you did with Emily Chang
where you told her how you tookCopy !req
436. "the best parts of HooliChat
and made them less crappy."Copy !req
437. I was about to throw you
a massive acquisition deal.Copy !req
438. And then I realized you'd already
publicly admitted to stealing my IP.Copy !req
439. I hope you have a good lawyer.Copy !req
440. - He works at the car wash down the street.
- What?Copy !req
441. Look, Gavin, you do not wanna do this.Copy !req
442. - I can't explain exactly why...
- Shut up.Copy !req
443. This is not a negotiation.Copy !req
444. If you fight me, I will win, and I will
fuck you in the tech business forever.Copy !req
445. No one will hire you. I'm taking PiperChat.Copy !req
446. By 8:00 a.m. tomorrow,Copy !req
447. you will hand over to Hooli
all your data and systems.Copy !req
448. All your users
will be converted to HooliChat users.Copy !req
449. It will be like PiperChat never existed.Copy !req
450. And what you get out of itCopy !req
451. is the chance to walk away
and try and get another job in this town.Copy !req
452. You have five seconds to decide.Copy !req
453. - Five, four...
- Okay.Copy !req
454. So, we're in agreement.Copy !req
455. For a 10% stake in your current venture,Copy !req
456. you will receive full pool privileges,Copy !req
457. more room in the crisper,
and you may live in my home for...Copy !req
458. - For free.
- For free for six months.Copy !req
459. Fuck you. One year.Copy !req
460. Fuck! Fine. Fine. It's a deal.Copy !req
461. Deal.Copy !req
462. Jian, I mean,
your onerous terms notwithstanding,Copy !req
463. I'm very excited to be a
part of your VR play.Copy !req
464. - "VR"?
- VR, virtual reality.Copy !req
465. - Who's doing VR?
- You are.Copy !req
466. That's what Big Head said.Copy !req
467. - This play has to do with the Oculus, right?
- No.Copy !req
468. But he said that you said "Oculus."Copy !req
469. He said you kept saying it,
"Oculus, Oculus, Oculus."Copy !req
470. Octopus.Copy !req
471. No.Copy !req
472. No.Copy !req
473. Octopus?Copy !req
474. - It's a water animal.
- I...Copy !req
475. I know what an octopus is. Just...Copy !req
476. What does your application
have to do with octopus?Copy !req
477. Eight different ways
to make a Chinese recipe octopus.Copy !req
478. So, I just traded one year of free rent,
full pool privileges,Copy !req
479. and more room in the crisperCopy !req
480. for an application that is justCopy !req
481. eight recipes for octopus? Hmm?Copy !req
482. Yes.Copy !req
483. Hey, guys. They're ready.Copy !req
484. Ooh. Ooh.Copy !req
485. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
486. I went through every chat in his history.
They're all the same.Copy !req
487. Perhaps it was another chat format.Copy !req
488. Could you acquire Skype or FaceTime
and check them as well?Copy !req
489. What?Copy !req
490. Gavin? I'm sorry...Copy !req
491. I need to talk to you about
this PiperChat acquisition.Copy !req
492. I put together a panel of the most active
users you ported over from PiperChat.Copy !req
493. Bear in mind, this group is representativeCopy !req
494. in terms of gender, race,
and most importantly, age.Copy !req
495. Now, who else thinks changing to
a HooliChat login is hella lame?Copy !req
496. Madison, Allison, Jennifer, Stephanie,
Quinn, Ingrid,Copy !req
497. Kaylie, Ava, Sarah...Copy !req
498. Oh, no.Copy !req
499. Janelle, Carl.Copy !req
500. Now, Carl, you said the new sign-in page
made you nervous.Copy !req
501. Did anyone else feel nervous?Copy !req
502. Fuck!Copy !req