1. The core compression
algorithm is optimal.Copy !req
2. All the test cases
ran optimal.Copy !req
3. The weissman score
is optimal.Copy !req
4. Looks like nucleus
is optimal.Copy !req
5. Good. Good.Copy !req
6. Congratulations, guys.Copy !req
7. - Oh yeah.
- Oh, dog.Copy !req
8. Richard, the ingestion engine
is ready for testing.
Have you seen richard?Copy !req
9. He's in there, having a little
trouble with his personal
ingestion engine.Copy !req
10. Still? It's been an hour.
He's gotta get this done.Copy !req
11. Oh, he's got his laptop
in there, on top of his lap.Copy !req
12. Hey, richard.Copy !req
13. don't talk to me while
I'm in the bathroom please.Copy !req
14. Well, snap it off,
we gotta go.Copy !req
15. I know. Just don't
talk to me while I'm in here.
It's weird.Copy !req
16. Oh, my god. Jared's been back
from that islandCopy !req
17. For a whole day and
he didn't get any toilet paper?Copy !req
18. Are you serious?
Is jared out there?Copy !req
19. I thought you didn't
want me to talk to youCopy !req
20. While you were in
the bathroom. Make up your mind.Copy !req
21. you know what? Just
get away from the door, please.Copy !req
22. Friday,
the pool cleaner comes.Copy !req
23. - Do you understand?
- Yes.Copy !req
24. And tomorrow is trash day
so make sure all the cans
are out front.Copy !req
25. Yes.Copy !req
26. Now, you are under no
circumstances to order
any movie on demand,Copy !req
27. Adult or otherwise.Copy !req
28. Yes.Copy !req
29. Ok, has anything that I've
just said confused you?Copy !req
30. - Yes.
- Goddamn it!Copy !req
31. Jesus, cher. Are you bringing
your whole closet?Copy !req
32. I'm a pro, dinesh.
I won't apologize for it.Copy !req
33. I dress according to the moods
that I sense in the room.Copy !req
34. As such,
I must have options.Copy !req
35. We all packed
and ready to go?Copy !req
36. we can take my car
but gas is on the company.Copy !req
37. hello? Did everyone leave?Copy !req
38. No.Copy !req
39. what? Oh. Whoa, whoa...Copy !req
40. I don't know how you
read your screen in the car.
It makes me sick as a dog.Copy !req
41. I'm ok as long
as I don't think about it.Copy !req
42. Besides,
the presentation is tomorrow.Copy !req
43. so if you just
don't think about it
it really doesn't bother youCopy !req
44. To be staring at the screen
when the car's movingCopy !req
45. And turning
and you're all queasy...
- Oh, god!Copy !req
46. - gilfoyle.
- see, I knew it
bothered you. Fucking liar.Copy !req
47. so I'm a little behind,
being stuck on that island
for four days,Copy !req
48. But I think I'm on top
of everything.Copy !req
49. Ok, give me your ids
and I'll go register us...Copy !req
50. There you are. Got your
credentials and wristbandsCopy !req
51. For the walkthrough
at 4:00 today.Copy !req
52. Uh, walkthrough?Copy !req
53. Yeah, basically, it's a
sound check for the competition.Copy !req
54. Uh, yeah,
we didn't know about that.Copy !req
55. Did I not tell you
about the walkthrough?Copy !req
56. I am so sorry.Copy !req
57. That's why I'm here.
Peter's on safariCopy !req
58. With lorne michaels and
kanye west until next weekCopy !req
59. So I can put all of my
attention on you guys for once.Copy !req
60. I am so sorry. I thought
that I talked to you guys
about the walk...Copy !req
61. Gentlemen,
welcome to the big show.Copy !req
62. Techcrunch
motherfucking disrupt.Copy !req
63. Ok, guys, this place
is a vortex of distractionCopy !req
64. Normally in the tech world
it's two percent women.Copy !req
65. Guys, these next
three days, 15 percent.Copy !req
66. It's a goddamn meat market.Copy !req
67. I need you to focus.Copy !req
68. How we do here is the entire
future of your company.Copy !req
69. Don't screw it all up now.Copy !req
70. We have to knock them dead
in the preliminaries tomorrowCopy !req
71. So we can move on
to the finals on Friday.Copy !req
72. I have a question. The program
says that dan melcher
is judging our round.Copy !req
73. Is there any way
to get him removed?Copy !req
74. Not unless there's
a conflict of interest.Copy !req
75. Well, there may be.
I did have sexual
intercourse with his wife.Copy !req
76. What? It was
three years ago.Copy !req
77. So one of the guys judging us
wants to fucking kill you?Copy !req
78. Maybe. I don't know
if he found out.Copy !req
79. Either way, richard,
you may have to present
instead of me so be prepared.Copy !req
80. What, me? Present? No.Copy !req
81. We may be fine.
We may be totally fine.Copy !req
82. We also may be
totally fucked.Copy !req
83. I'll let you know
either way.Copy !req
84. I'm gonna go network.
Don't approach me.Copy !req
85. I don't want to present.Copy !req
86. Besides, I'm not even
done with the demo.Copy !req
87. Ok, richard, you need to go to
the hotel right now and finish.Copy !req
88. - Oh, you already
checked us into the hotel?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
89. ok, I'm gonna
do this module by module.Copy !req
90. Dinesh, you built the edge
video player so I'm gonna
start with you first. Ok?Copy !req
91. Ok, you guys
set up the booth, ok?Copy !req
92. Um...
I think it's this way.Copy !req
93. You think?Copy !req
94. A few flyers,
that's all we have?Copy !req
95. Yeah, I think it is.Copy !req
96. hello, what's your name?Copy !req
97. Visit us at microdrone.Com...Copy !req
98. oh, wow, microdrone.
They just closed $17 million
in seed funding.Copy !req
99. Hi. Hello. Excuse me.Copy !req
100. Pied piper? You guys are
competing in the startup
battlefield, right?Copy !req
101. Everyone has been talking
about your compression rate.Copy !req
102. I mean,
it is supposed to be sick.Copy !req
103. Yeah.Copy !req
104. Anyway, you must
be great with javaCopy !req
105. And I just cannot seem
to figure out this stupid bug.
Do you mind?Copy !req
106. I'll be back.Copy !req
107. Thank you.Copy !req
108. If we integrate one module
every two hours we should
be in great shape...Copy !req
109. Richard, follow me.
Follow me. Follow me.Copy !req
110. - All right.
See you at the hotel.
- See you.Copy !req
111. Very soon, I hope.Copy !req
112. Hey, man.
Just wanted to say good luck.Copy !req
113. Ok, thanks.
But what's with all the...Copy !req
114. Sorry. I just can't be seen
talking to you, you know?Copy !req
115. Hooli people
all over the place.Copy !req
116. I don't know, man, I'm just
really into this whole
rest and vest life, you know,Copy !req
117. Way more than I thought
I would be.Copy !req
118. I just don't want
to rock the boat.Copy !req
119. Oh, hey, did I tell you?
I'm getting a boat.Copy !req
120. - Wow.
- And a boat guy
to take care of it.Copy !req
121. You have to have a boat guy.Copy !req
122. Oh yeah, you've gotta have
a boat guy... If you have
a boat.Copy !req
123. Hey, um, you know
that girl, right?Copy !req
124. Sherry, I think her name was.
She said you guys went to school
together.Copy !req
125. Uh, ok, yeah.Copy !req
126. I saw her at
the valleywag party last night,Copy !req
127. Which was crazy, by the way,
dude, there must've been like
12 girls there.Copy !req
128. - Holy shit.
- nuts.Copy !req
129. Anyway, she said you guys
went out a couple timesCopy !req
130. And then she dumped you
and you became obsessed
with her.Copy !req
131. What? What?
She said I was obsessed?Copy !req
132. She said obsessed.Copy !req
133. Uh, that's bullshit, 'cause
I think we went out two times.Copy !req
134. Uh, it was nothing so how
could I be obsessed? That's...Copy !req
135. No, you're going down!
Nucleus is gonna crush
wide diaper.Copy !req
136. You never shoulda said no
to my man, gavin belson.Copy !req
137. Ok.Copy !req
138. Seeded quite a few
new companies.Copy !req
139. Spinder. It's like tinder
but for spinsters.Copy !req
140. Elderly women
looking for sex.Copy !req
141. There's this girl who's walking
around, saying that I'm obsessed
with her.Copy !req
142. Now that just
really pisses me off.Copy !req
143. - That's fascinating.
Let's just forget about it, ok?
- Yeah.Copy !req
144. I mean it's...
It's just so fucked up, right?Copy !req
145. I mean,
I barely remember her.Copy !req
146. And it's just so insulting
to have someone walking around
spreading lies about you.Copy !req
147. Right? I wonder
who she's working with.Copy !req
148. Like I wonder who she's here
with because if she's telling
her coworkers,Copy !req
149. Then that's a whole 'nother
group of people I gotta
worry about.Copy !req
150. Richard, you don't have
to worry about anythingCopy !req
151. - Except for pied pier
right now.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
152. Because we have less than 24
hours 'til the preliminaries.Copy !req
153. - No one's worrying,
that's the thing. Perfect.
- Perfect.Copy !req
154. Ok, her.Copy !req
155. She used the word "obsessed",
dinesh.Copy !req
156. - "obsessed."
- richard, I don't care.Copy !req
157. Neither do I.
That's the entire point.Copy !req
158. I'm just gonna check her
instagram real quick.Copy !req
159. Because if she's posting
comments about me being
obsessed...Copy !req
160. I mean,
I can't just ignore that.Copy !req
161. Would you be interested
in a device that links
to your smartphoneCopy !req
162. And lets you know, even before
it happens, whether you're
having a panic attackCopy !req
163. - Or a heart attack?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
164. Ok, here's how
panic-a-tech works.Copy !req
165. You wear this on your finger all
day and it tracks your vitals.Copy !req
166. Or if that's too embarrassing,
there's also a bluetooth
suppositoryCopy !req
167. And that goes
right where you think it goes.Copy !req
168. And that comes
with a retrieval kit.Copy !req
169. Was he like,
"bro, you're my bro,"Copy !req
170. Or was he like, "I wanna shoot
you in the face and watch you
bleed out all over the stageCopy !req
171. 'cause you fucked my wife,
you cocksuck."Copy !req
172. Right in the middle.
It was like:Copy !req
173. Huh.Copy !req
174. What happened?
How's it going at the hotel?Copy !req
175. Weird. He switched to meta-data
extraction and now wants
to see you.Copy !req
176. Meta-data? Already?
Makes no sense.Copy !req
177. He seems very distracted.Copy !req
178. Ok, guys, since we're kind of
playing from behind hereCopy !req
179. I put together
a little secret weapon.Copy !req
180. I... I went through
the entire list of
conference participantsCopy !req
181. And I found images and I found
bios and I printed them outCopy !req
182. So we have them all
in one place.Copy !req
183. - Why did you do that?
- Uh, ok.Copy !req
184. Who's this guy?
Watch. He is...Copy !req
185. - rick smith, co-founder
of crosscut ventures.Copy !req
186. How did you...?Copy !req
187. Id-keen. It's this facial
recognition app that monica
put on our phones.Copy !req
188. You just point it at anybody,
tells you who they areCopy !req
189. And how important
they are to the conference.Copy !req
190. you're not
showing up at all.Copy !req
191. Yeah, maybe I'm not getting a...
No, I'm getting a signal.Copy !req
192. Ok. Um, well...Copy !req
193. Ooh, jared, jared,
recycling's over there.Copy !req
194. Hey, so what's the deal?
Does the judge know or not?Copy !req
195. I don't know, monica.
He's toying with me.Copy !req
196. Or maybe he's not.
I can't fucking figure it out.Copy !req
197. Erlich, you need to stop this.
His wife is here.Copy !req
198. Grow a pair and talk to her,
find out for sure.Copy !req
199. Why don't you grow a pair
and I'll talk to her.Copy !req
200. Hmph.Copy !req
201. What?Copy !req
202. Hey.Copy !req
203. Do you happen to know java?Copy !req
204. Are you kidding?
It's like my specialty.Copy !req
205. Will you help me?Copy !req
206. Oh, it would be my honor.Copy !req
207. Yes?Copy !req
208. Oh, sorry. Um, I must
not have the right room.Copy !req
209. I'm looking for dan melcher.Copy !req
210. Yeah, that's us.Copy !req
211. Oh, it is? Ok.Copy !req
212. I was looking
to speak with his wife.Copy !req
213. That's me. I'm, well, his new
wife, we just got married.Copy !req
214. Oh, congratulations.Copy !req
215. Uh, what happened
with madelyn?Copy !req
216. - You're a friend of dan's?
- Yeah.Copy !req
217. We've... We have
a common interest... S.Copy !req
218. - Uh, many common interests.
- Yeah.Copy !req
219. Well, she was a nightmare.Copy !req
220. Pills, in and out of rehab.Copy !req
221. Had all of these
disgusting affairs.Copy !req
222. You know, the divorce
nearly killed dan.Copy !req
223. Really? Disgusting affairs.Copy !req
224. Well, I... I feel terrible.Copy !req
225. No, it's fine.
He's put it behind him.Copy !req
226. All of it?
I mean, every aspect of it?Copy !req
227. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
228. Well, that is...
That is great to hear.Copy !req
229. What if she's spreading this lie
to everyone at this conference?Copy !req
230. I mean, honestly, gilfoyle...Copy !req
231. Richard, stop talking
about this or I have
to punch you in the face.Copy !req
232. Fuck. It is huge.Copy !req
233. - Uh...
- Very, very huge.Copy !req
234. check, one-two two,Copy !req
235. Tsetse fly, tsetse fly.Copy !req
236. Hey, how's the demo coming?Copy !req
237. Um, we're getting there.
Uh, definitely... Getting there.Copy !req
238. Gentlemen,
I bring good tidings.Copy !req
239. Turns out that melcher
is divorced, remarriedCopy !req
240. And has put the previously
relationship behind him
completely.Copy !req
241. Problem solved.Copy !req
242. That's great.Copy !req
243. It sure is, richard,
it sure as hell is.Copy !req
244. look at these poor fuckers.Copy !req
245. They don't even know
what's about to hit 'em.Copy !req
246. The hammer of god.Copy !req
247. I am so sorry! I am so sorry.
I thought you guys were
gonna come get meCopy !req
248. And... And I'm sorry.Copy !req
249. Wait, jared,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
250. What?Copy !req
251. - Who's watching the booth?
- Yeah.Copy !req
252. I thought that maybe
monica could...Copy !req
253. She's not in the company. We
need her here. That's the thing.Copy !req
254. All right, everybody,
this run-through is for
essential personnel only,Copy !req
255. Essential only.Copy !req
256. Oh.Copy !req
257. - We need someone
in the booth is the thing.
- Right.Copy !req
258. You're essential
to the booth.Copy !req
259. Right.Copy !req
260. All right, each team
will have six minutes
for presentation and demo,Copy !req
261. At which point the judges
will ask a few questions...Copy !req
262. Uh, do you mind if I break
in here, just one question.Copy !req
263. Uh, are the judges allowed
to send us throughCopy !req
264. To the finals
immediately after we presentCopy !req
265. Or do we have to wait
until everyone else has gone?Copy !req
266. Well, I'm just saying
what everybody's thinking.Copy !req
267. hello, what's your name?Copy !req
268. Visit us at microdrone.Com
to download...Copy !req
269. - Uh, excuse me,
no thank you.
- ... A free video of youCopy !req
270. - At techcrunch disrupt
- uh, no thank you.Copy !req
271. Nathan. Are you nathan
zimmerman, ceo of flingual?Copy !req
272. I... I... Whoever's doing this,
no thank you.Copy !req
273. Yeah, I think we got
a dead zone, an audio
dead zone right here.Copy !req
274. Listen to this.Copy !req
275. Hear that? Compared to...Copy !req
276. - Ok, here's what I want, as
soon as the music comes up...
- Music?Copy !req
277. I want you to hit me
with a spotlight, bam!
And a hard spot.Copy !req
278. Better yet, do you have
those spotlights that...Copy !req
279. - ... Come up from the ground,
like in pride fighting.
- Uh... I can check.Copy !req
280. Ok, so two of those, one on each
side and then one in the centerCopy !req
281. So that it casts my shadow
behind me, like a giant
looking over his own shoulder.Copy !req
282. - do you have
any wind machines.Copy !req
283. I'm gonna need two of those...Copy !req
284. Are you humming
to yourself?Copy !req
285. Was... Was I?Copy !req
286. Uh, you know, honestly,Copy !req
287. I may have found
the perfect woman.Copy !req
288. Whoa. What? Who? Who?Copy !req
289. She's in the booth
right next to us, charlotte.Copy !req
290. She's not even physically
my type, she has blonde hairCopy !req
291. And these stupid pink streaks
and doesn't seem to be
dominant at all.Copy !req
292. However,
I think I'm in love.Copy !req
293. Whoa.Copy !req
294. She invited me to her room
to watch cloud atlas
later tonight.Copy !req
295. Oh yeah, that means
she wants you to lay her.Copy !req
296. Is that definitive?Copy !req
297. I mean, nobody can watch more
than like a minute of that film.Copy !req
298. So what's the deal?
I mean, is she hot?Copy !req
299. Yeah, I mean,
she's attractive,Copy !req
300. But almost every woman
is attractive. It was her mind.Copy !req
301. She wrote this java method
that was the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen in my life.Copy !req
302. Elegant, tight.Copy !req
303. There's just something so hot
about a woman that can code
like that.Copy !req
304. You know, I just want to...Copy !req
305. - ... Crawl in her
frontal lobe and...Copy !req
306. What's up?Copy !req
307. You know I wrote
that code, right?Copy !req
308. No, this code
was on her system.Copy !req
309. A banged up 15-inch macbook pro
with shitty stickers on it?Copy !req
310. Everyone here has a beat up
15-inch macbook pro...Copy !req
311. With a 1.3 chip
and only two gigs of ram?Copy !req
312. She doesn't know java.
I wrote that code.Copy !req
313. - You said you were
in love with her mind.
- Oh fuck.Copy !req
314. - You realize what's
going on, right?
- Uh...Copy !req
315. It's not her you're sexually
attracted to, it's my code.Copy !req
316. Shut the... That is the most
disgusting fucking thing
I've ever h...Copy !req
317. Just face it, dinesh, you're gay
for my code, you're code gay.Copy !req
318. No! No, I'm into her.
Her, ok? Fuck your code!Copy !req
319. You'd like to fuck my code,
wouldn't you?Copy !req
320. Hey, would you like to
masturbate to the subroutine
I just wrote?Copy !req
321. No! It's... I'm... I'm...Copy !req
322. And then I'll sort of close
right here in the centerCopy !req
323. With a confidence
and poise that, well,Copy !req
324. They probably won't have seen
up until this point.Copy !req
325. And then at that point we've got
some photos that we're gonna
throw up on the big screen.Copy !req
326. Photos?Copy !req
327. Yeah, you know,
just a few.Copy !req
328. Gandhi, mlk,
me as an inquisitive child.Copy !req
329. Richard, could you please.Copy !req
330. Oh, yes, sorry.
I'll just plug it in here.Copy !req
331. - no! Don't!Copy !req
332. - Don't!
- oh, shi...Copy !req
333. - what the fuck!
- shit.Copy !req
334. - Oh, she's here.
- Mmm.Copy !req
335. Oh, shit, it's frozen.
It's frozen.Copy !req
336. that is not me, obviously.Copy !req
337. He's obsessed with me.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
338. Hey, what's wrong?Copy !req
339. I'm just a little nervous
'cause you're so beautiful.Copy !req
340. Oh?Copy !req
341. Random question...Copy !req
342. So you didn't write
any of that java code?Copy !req
343. Uh-uh.Copy !req
344. But I write all of our tweets
and we have like a couple
hundred followers.Copy !req
345. Couple hundred...Copy !req
346. Oh, let me move this.Copy !req
347. Oh, that's the code
your friend wrote.Copy !req
348. - Yeah, it is.
- It's really good, huh?Copy !req
349. It's fine.
I don't care about it.Copy !req
350. Mm, there we go.Copy !req
351. Oh, fu...Copy !req
352. Come on, focus, focus.Copy !req
353. Richard's not
gonna finish, is he?Copy !req
354. He'll finish,
gilfoyle, he has to.Copy !req
355. Are you ok?Copy !req
356. Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
357. I knew it.
You couldn't do it.Copy !req
358. Please shut up. Shut up.Copy !req
359. Why is it that every time I'm
about to have sex with a lady...Copy !req
360. He's all up
in there somehow?Copy !req
361. Finally, just us.
Guys, this round is on me.Copy !req
362. Hey, jared. There you guys go.Copy !req
363. - To pied piper. Hmm?
- To pied piper.Copy !req
364. Here, here.Copy !req
365. Yeah, drink it up.Copy !req
366. But it's not gonna
change who you are.Copy !req
367. Monica, can I speak
to you for a minute?Copy !req
368. Yeah.Copy !req
369. no, sherry, it has to be now!Copy !req
370. Oh, shit.Copy !req
371. Ok, look, we need to talk.Copy !req
372. You keep telling people
I'm obsessed with you.Copy !req
373. - Richard, why don't you
just take a step back...
- It's not true...Copy !req
374. No, no, no, let me finish.Copy !req
375. Ok, did I put your pictureCopy !req
376. Up on the big screen
in the auditorium? Yes.Copy !req
377. But that's because
I was showing you to my friendsCopy !req
378. To prove a point that I'm not
obsessed with you.Copy !req
379. - Richard, I'm gonna go now.
- No, I'm not obsessed with you,
sherry!Copy !req
380. I'm...Copy !req
381. I'm not.Copy !req
382. That guy richard I was
telling you aboutCopy !req
383. Just totally
freaked out on me.Copy !req
384. Yeah, the obsessed guy.Copy !req
385. - Where are you?
- you've been
doing this ever sinceCopy !req
386. - We arrived at the conference.
- Which elevators?Copy !req
387. You really think that
you can come between me
and richard hendricks?Copy !req
388. We're partners, ok,
and I've devoted every secondCopy !req
389. Of my waking life for the past
two months to him, ok?Copy !req
390. I am devoted to him
and to the precious thing
that we're building together!Copy !req
391. I'm his partner.
I can tell when he's vomiting...Copy !req
392. - What? No.
- ... Because he's nervous
or when he's vomiting...Copy !req
393. - Never mind, kate, I'm fine.
- ... Because he's sickCopy !req
394. Or when he's vomiting because
he had cilantro, which he lovesCopy !req
395. But he shouldn't have
because it makes him...Copy !req
396. I had no idea that you felt this
way. I mean it, I am so sorry.Copy !req
397. I mean,
I'm obsessed with her...Copy !req
398. Richard, can I talk
to you for a second?Copy !req
399. Uh, ok.Copy !req
400. I owe you an apology.
I was way off base.Copy !req
401. Well, yeah, you were.Copy !req
402. He cleared it
all up for me.Copy !req
403. - jared? Really?
- Yeah. He's your
partner, right?Copy !req
404. Yeah, he is. One of many.Copy !req
405. Probably too many.Copy !req
406. How could I not
have seen this?Copy !req
407. Obviously you're not
obsessed with me.Copy !req
408. Richard, it's none of
my business, but be safe.Copy !req
409. - Ok?
- Ok.Copy !req
410. Of course I'm safe.
I backup my whole system
like five times a day.Copy !req
411. So... Uh, jared, hey,Copy !req
412. Thank you.Copy !req
413. For what?Copy !req
414. Uh, you know, everything.Copy !req
415. I feel like we don't
appreciate you enough,Copy !req
416. So thank you.Copy !req
417. Are you... Are you crying?Copy !req
418. - Are you crying?Copy !req
419. Uh, don't do that.
Don't cry.Copy !req
420. Oh, shit.
I gotta get back to work.Copy !req
421. I... I need to focus here.Copy !req
422. We should all go.Copy !req
423. All right,
I'm taking care of this one.Copy !req
424. But when we win this fuckin'
thing, richard, you're buying
the next round.Copy !req
425. Yeah.Copy !req
426. Oh... No.Copy !req
427. We're with the conference,
is there any sort of
discount...?Copy !req
428. - Kind of break you can...?
- Hm-mm.Copy !req
429. No. All right.Copy !req
430. - Hello again.
- Oh, hi.Copy !req
431. You know, that was really sweet
of you to be so concerned
about dan.Copy !req
432. He really has
been through hell.Copy !req
433. Well, it's the least
I could do.Copy !req
434. So how did you know
madelyn again?Copy !req
435. Oh, uh, long story.Copy !req
436. Yeah?Copy !req
437. I have to admit, I'm curious.Copy !req
438. You know what,
keep it open.Copy !req
439. Have you ever
cared too much?Copy !req
440. People, are you ready?Copy !req
441. Are you ready for the ultimate
tech startup competition?Copy !req
442. Let me hear it:Copy !req
443. Disrupt!Copy !req
444. - disrupt.Copy !req
445. Hello. My name
is saeed jobrani.Copy !req
446. I am the ceo
of immedibug.Copy !req
447. And we're here
to revolutionizeCopy !req
448. The way you report bugs
on your mobile platform.Copy !req
449. Happin! Will revolutionize
location-based mobile news
aggregation as you know it.Copy !req
450. We're making the world a better
place, through paxos algorithmsCopy !req
451. For consensus protocols.Copy !req
452. And we're making the world
a better placeCopy !req
453. Through software defined data
centers for cloud computing.Copy !req
454. A better place through
canonical data models to
communicate between endpoints.Copy !req
455. A better place
through scalable,Copy !req
456. Fault-tolerant distributed
databases with asset
transactions.Copy !req
457. And we are truly
local mobile social.Copy !req
458. And we're completely so-mo-lo.Copy !req
459. And we're mo-lo-so.Copy !req
460. We're lo-mo-so, bro.Copy !req
461. We were so-lo-mo
but now we're mo-lo-so.Copy !req
462. No, mo-so-lo.
No...Copy !req
463. - you want me to get
a water or something?Copy !req
464. - Yeah, drink this.
- Here.Copy !req
465. - So we're all good?
- We're all great.Copy !req
466. I killed it. Our weissman score
on all tests: 2.89.Copy !req
467. Right at
the theoretical limit.Copy !req
468. Yeah, all the edge
modules are humming.Copy !req
469. Uh, even on mobile.
They can throw anything at us.Copy !req
470. Great. Well, good luck.
I'm gonna go find my seat.Copy !req
471. Um, except 3d video.Copy !req
472. What?Copy !req
473. 3d video's still
a little hinky.Copy !req
474. Erlich better steer them away
from that just to be safe.Copy !req
475. Where the hell is erlich?Copy !req
476. He wasn't with
you guys this morning?Copy !req
477. Rather than heating
an entire room,Copy !req
478. Humanheater is
a microwave technologyCopy !req
479. That can heat the surface
of a person's skin instead,Copy !req
480. Potentially saving millions
in heating costsCopy !req
481. And helping the environment,Copy !req
482. Thereby making
the world a better place.Copy !req
483. judges.Copy !req
484. Uh... Ok, so,Copy !req
485. You want to heat peopleCopy !req
486. With microwaves,
is that right?Copy !req
487. That can't be safe.Copy !req
488. That's a great question and
trust me, it is very, very safe.Copy !req
489. I've been working on it
for 15 years.Copy !req
490. I don't trust you
and it can't be safe.Copy !req
491. And even if it was, I don't
think you could ever sell
the public on this.Copy !req
492. Thank you.Copy !req
493. I think when people see the
savings on their utility billCopy !req
494. And when they see how
it saves the environment,
they will be sold.Copy !req
495. Microwaves?
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
496. Man, they are brutal.Copy !req
497. All right,
let's light this candle.Copy !req
498. Where the hell have you been?Copy !req
499. Uh, there's been some
developments. You know how
I fucked melcher's old wife?Copy !req
500. - I fucked his new wife, too.
- What?Copy !req
501. Uh, don't worry,
he's not gonna find out.Copy !req
502. I left way before he got back
last night and then I didn'tCopy !req
503. Go back this morning until
20 minutes after he had left.Copy !req
504. You went back?Copy !req
505. How many times
did you fuck this woman?Copy !req
506. The old wife
or the new wife?Copy !req
507. - The new wife.
- Last night
or this morning?Copy !req
508. Erlich, what are you thinking?
This is kind of
the big day today.Copy !req
509. Relax, he's not gonna find out.
She's not gonna tell him.Copy !req
510. How the fuck
do you know that?Copy !req
511. Because she'd have
to be crazy to tell himCopy !req
512. And I asked her point blank
if she was crazyCopy !req
513. And she swore
to me, no, she's not crazy.Copy !req
514. - Pied piper, you're up.
- Let's do it.Copy !req
515. The microwaves only penetrate
the top layer of skin cells.Copy !req
516. I don't believe you.
It can't be safe.Copy !req
517. Thank you.Copy !req
518. I've been testing it
on these guys all winter
and they're fine.Copy !req
519. Let me just demonstrate it
to assure you...Copy !req
520. - No! No!
- No! Please!Copy !req
521. No one is ever
going to buy one of these.Copy !req
522. Ever.Copy !req
523. That was humanheater.Copy !req
524. Next up, executive chairman
and chief visionaryCopy !req
525. Erlich bachman
presenting pied piper.Copy !req
526. Since the dawn of time,Copy !req
527. Mankind hath sought to make
things smaller, but until now,Copy !req
528. - No man...Copy !req
529. you son of a bitch!Copy !req
530. - Jesus christ!
Everyone remain calm.Copy !req
531. - stay in your seats!
Everything is under control!Copy !req
532. - lights?Copy !req
533. I think he knows.Copy !req