1. I'm zero kazama.
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2. This is not a game show.
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3. This is silent library.
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4. Silence!
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5. Meet the players:
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6. Joe.
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7. Paul.
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8. Michael.
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9. Charles.
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10. Russ.
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11. And pat.
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12. Six bandmates, one team,
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13. playing for
thousands of dollars
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14. in cash.
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15. The players draw cards,
and the one who gets
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16. the skull and crossbones,
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17. must endure
an unusual punishment.
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18. If he completes the challenge,
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19. the team wins money,
but if he fails
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20. or if his teammates
make too much noise,
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21. they kiss it good-bye.
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22. Round one.
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23. Each challenge is worth $300.
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24. The most important rule:
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25. Silence!
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26. Begin.
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27. Silence!
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28. The contestant
must be smacked
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29. by a jockey's riding crop
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30. for 20 seconds.
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31. I can't deny you that one.
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32. Joe took a licking,
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33. so the team takes the cash.
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34. They kick off the day
with $300.
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35. The contestant must attempt
to catapult a pie
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36. from his helmet onto a target.
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37. Your humiliation brings...
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38. Success.
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39. Michael's mess
doubles the team's total.
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40. Their winnings climb
to 600 bucks.
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41. The contestant
must straddle
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42. a carnival game
and suffer the consequences.
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43. Your pain had purpose.
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44. You win.
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45. Michael's ordeal
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46. wraps up a perfect first round.
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47. They move in to round two
with $900 in the bank.
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48. Up next, Joe loses his appetite
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49. and Michael loses
his underpants...
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50. Silence!
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51. When silent library
continues.
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52. Silence!
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53. Welcome back
to silent library.
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54. The guys took a beating
in round one,
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55. with Michael taking
the brunt of it.
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56. They won all three challenges,
good for $900.
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57. Don't forget the rules.
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58. The player who turns over
the skull and crossbones
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59. gets punished, and everyone
must remain quiet.
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60. Round two.
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61. Each challenge is worth $400.
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62. Now remember, silence!
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63. Resume play.
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64. Silence!
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65. The contestant has
30 seconds to eat a sausage
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66. made of peanut butter
and jelly, tuna fish,
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67. and Bologna
and cheese sandwiches.
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68. That was close,
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69. but you made it.
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70. Joe kept
the sausage down,
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71. so the team stays perfect.
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72. Their total increases
to $1,300.
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73. The contestant must
wear a bow tie
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74. as it spins for 20 seconds.
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75. Ah.
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76. You went through all that
for nothing.
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77. - Fail.
The guys made
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78. too much noise and suffered
their first loss of the day.
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79. Their winnings stay put
at $1,300.
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80. The contestant must
give himself a wedgie
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81. with a device that lifts
his underwear with each step.
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82. You were brave,
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83. but your teammates
let you down.
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84. The guys were
too loud again,
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85. so Michael's wedgie
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86. doesn't earn any more money.
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87. They end round two
with 1,300 bucks.
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88. Still to come, pat gets
stretched to the limit,
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89. and Russ pisses off
the wrong puppet...
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90. Silence!
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91. When silent library
returns.
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92. Silence!
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93. Welcome back
to the library.
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94. After a strong start,
today's team
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95. couldn't stay quiet
in round two.
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96. They've lost the last
two challenges
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97. but still have $1,300
to call their own.
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98. As always,
whoever gets the wrong card
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99. gets punished,
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100. and they're playing as a team.
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101. Round three.
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102. The challenges
are now worth $800.
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103. Now remember, silence!
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104. Continue.
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105. Silence!
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106. The contestant
must allow his teammates
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107. to attach clothespins
to various parts of his body.
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108. Then reel them in
with fishing rods.
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109. Your pain was not in vain.
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110. You get the money.
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111. Pat reels in
800 bucks,
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112. getting the team back
on a winning path.
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113. Their total climbs to $2,100.
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114. The contestant must
endure an unusual greeting
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115. from a puppet.
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116. You survived the attack.
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117. You get the cash.
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118. Russ kept his cool,
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119. so the team keeps the money.
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120. Another $800 is added
for a total of $2,900.
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121. The contestant
has 45 seconds to eat his way
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122. to freedom through a cage door
made of meat.
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123. That was impressive.
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124. You pass.
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125. Russ bit his way
to another $800
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126. and a perfect third round.
The team's total
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127. is now up to $3,700.
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128. Coming up,
the guys get blasted...
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129. Silence!
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130. When silent library
returns.
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131. Silence!
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132. We're back with the
final round of silent library.
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133. After a whole lot of pain
and humiliation,
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134. the guys are looking strong.
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135. They currently have $3,700
with the potential
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136. for another $1,000
on the way.
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137. Remember, everyone must
stay quiet, and they're playing
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138. together as a team.
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139. Final round.
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140. The challenge is worth $1,000,
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141. but don't forget, silence!
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142. Finish the game.
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143. Silence!
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144. In this challenge,
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145. five contestants must endure
the punishment,
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146. and only one teammate is safe.
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147. The five contestants
must blast themselves
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148. with seltzer bottles flavored
with old eggs,
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149. feta cheese brine, fish sauce,
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150. garlic pickle juice
and rotting flower water.
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151. Your ordeal has led to victory.
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152. The guys stayed calm
and withstood the stink,
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153. winning
the day's big challenge.
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154. They wind up with a grand total
of 4,700 bucks.
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155. Congratulations, guys.
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156. You survived silent library,
and you won some cash:
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157. $784 per player.
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158. Not bad for a day
at the library.
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159. Silence!
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