Sifl & Olly Show 1x9

1. Now sifl and olly.

2. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show.

3. Did you finish that tape?

4. Yeah. I've— I'm, I'm starring—

5. I just did the soundtrack for the new "pac-man" movie.

6. It's "pac-man the movie,"

7. And I'm gonna be playing ms. Pac-man.

8. That's— that's great.

9. Do you want to hear the soundtrack?

10. Um, sure.

11. Okay. Cue up my soundtrack for "pac-man the movie."

12. Shall we tell them that this might induce—

13. Convulsions.

14. Then it comes in— I come in like this,

15. Waka-waka-waka-waka-waka- waka-waka-waka-waka...

16. Calling pac-man. Come in, pac-man.

17. Calling pac-man. Come in, pac-man.

18. This is pac-man. Pac-man here.

19. Hey, pac-man.

20. I am pac-man! I'm starved!

21. Hello, everybody.

22. Now, it's the interview time of our show.

23. And today, we've got a special via satellite hook-up to do.

24. We are going via satellite to a black hole.

25. This is never been done before,

26. But we're gonna attempt it right now.

27. So let's try it now.

28. Okay. Now, we're gonna go via satellite to the—

29. Hello?

30. What are you guys doing?

31. The show. What are you guys doing?

32. We're doing the show, too.

33. Were you guys just trying to go via satellite somewhere?

34. - Yeah. - Yeah, we were.

35. We're trying to go to—

36. Oh, um—

37. - This is weird. - This is weird.

38. - This is really weird. - We tried at the same time.

39. - So we must have— - got some weird connection.

40. - Yeah. - Yeah.

41. - Hey, sifl? - What?

42. No, not you, olly. Sifl.

43. - I am sifl. - I'm olly.

44. Oh, that's weird. So this—

45. You know what happened, you guys?

46. I think we're in some sort of weird—

47. Alternate reality.

48. - Because on our show— - that's so weird.

49. I'm sifl, and he's olly.

50. - Wow, I'm totally olly. - I'm totally sifl.

51. - That's so weird. - That's weird.

52. - That's really weird. - This is really weird.

53. Oh, my god. So you guys having a good show?

54. - It's all right. - How's yours? Good?

55. Yeah, ours is pretty going pretty good, too.

56. Cool.

57. I'm just kind of upset.

58. We were gonna go via satellite to a black hole.

59. Oh, cool, we are gonna go to bermuda triangle.

60. Wow! That's a good idea. We should try that sometime.

61. Okay. Well, see you guys later.

62. It's probably a good idea if we disconnect.

63. Yeah, I don't think we should keep this up any longer.

64. - Okay. - See you guys.

65. - See you guys. - See ya.

66. Dude, we gotta lay off the "via satellite" for a while.

67. I know. You're right. That was too crazy.

68. Stay tuned for that answer.

69. I think jethro tull got their name

70. From that dude on the beverly hills, jethro.

71. Oh, jethro clampett from "the beverly hillbillies."

72. I don't know what "tull" means.

73. I think it's english for like "rock" or something.

74. - Yeah. - Cool.

75. I keep having dreams that my teeth

76. Are falling out every night.

77. - Really? - Yeah. And it's like—

78. Did you look in the dream book? I have one of those dream books.

79. They have something to do with money.

80. - Really? - Yeah, and it's like whenever I dream,

81. My teeth, it's almost like if you took sugar—

82. Like, sugar glass, like really easily breaking

83. - Sugar glass. - Sugar glass. What's sugar glass?

84. Sugar glass is what those bottles in tv shows

85. - Are made out of. - Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

86. - They break off each other's heads. - Sure.

87. It like breaks really easily,

88. And my teeth are made out of sugar glass.

89. And when I just push my tongue on my teeth,

90. All my teeth break out, and I have my whole mouth

91. Is filled with little shards of teeth.

92. And I just feel like— and then, when I close my mouth,

93. All of my teeth shatter.

94. We better go to precious roy because we've been on the air.

95. Oh.

96. Hi, folks, and welcome to the precious roy

97. Home shopping netwerk.

98. We're sifl and olly of the "sifl and olly show."

99. - Hi. - And we're the spokesmen

100. For this quality line of products.

101. Now if you're like me, friends, you don't just wanna see

102. Your friends each night,

103. You actually wanna dissect them into millions of thin slices.

104. - Am I right? - Yeah, you wanna see the whole body.

105. But you can't do that, folks, can you?

106. No, I guess we can't, really.

107. Now, that's crazy talk.

108. Hey, are you all there?

109. If you dissect your friends,

110. You're gonna have a real problem on your hands.

111. Oh, you know the problem I've been having with my hands.

112. You've got a serious-ass hand problem.

113. Now, friends, I know you're probably wondering,

114. Is this like the x-ray glasses?

115. No, it isn't.

116. It's the precious roy cat scan glasses.

117. So this isn't out of the back of a comic book?

118. No. That's comic book stuff, folks.

119. Okay.

120. Folks, look at your dad's brain.

121. you know? Look at your dad's brain.

122. - Do you want, you want— - look at it.

123. You want me to finish this up for you?

124. Who needs a doctor? I don't because you know what?

125. - I got the precious roy cat scan glasses. - Okay, let's—

126. Man, you've got to relax.

127. Let me take the— let me take the calls.

128. I think— don't you wanna hear about these products?

129. You don't even get it!

130. Don't you wanna— let's hear from a caller.

131. You're on the air.

132. Yeah. Wow!

133. This cat scan glasses are really great at bars, man.

134. - Olly: Really? - Man: Yeah. Well it saved me last night, you know?

135. I scanned the girl I was hitting on,

136. And I realized that she was a man.

137. - Olly: No way. - Man: But it saved me from making that mistake again.

138. Incredible!

139. Let's go back to the phones for more good stories.

140. Well, get a load of this— my kids, they took ours,

141. And they opened up a cat scan stand

142. Right in front of our house.

143. Yeah. And they made $80,000 in just one day.

144. Just one day, folks— $80,000.

145. It's a money-maker. You're a doctor now, folks.

146. You're a doctor. No education.

147. You can see inside of people's bodies.

148. $80,000 in the front yard.

149. That's incredible, isn't it, sifl?

150. Let's talk to precious roy and find out more.

151. This is precious roy.

152. And you guys got cat on my parcheesi board!

153. No, precious roy, it's the cat scan glasses—

154. Goggles.

155. Get me out of this prison!

156. Suckers!

157. Stop singing over my theme song.

158. It's not your theme song. It's just the news thing.

159. You're lucky serena isn't watching tonight

160. - Or she would have saw that. - Oh, cool. Good.

161. Then I'm gonna rap the news.

162. - No, you're not. - Yeah, I am, here I go.

163. I'm sorry, folks. Good night.

164. Hi, everybody.

165. It's time for "calls from the public."

166. - Hi. - Okay. Let's take the first call.

167. Caller, go ahead.

168. Hi, listen, me and my friends and this hippie

169. And our talking dog go around solving mysteries.

170. You got a talking dog?

171. Yeah, sure. Don't you?

172. No. What's your question?

173. Listen, we got a 1972 mystery machine,

174. And we need a new axle.

175. You guys help us out?

176. Hey, dude. They have a talking dog?

177. - Yeah. - You have a talking dog?

178. Yeah, of course.

179. You know, I think I saw an axle to a mystery machine,

180. But it was down in old man johnson's coal mine.

181. Old man johnson?

182. Yeah. And rumor has it the place is haunted.

183. Jeepers, we better go check that thing out.

184. Come on, guys.

185. Okay, see ya. Okay, next call.

186. whoa.

187. Hey caller, do you wanna get to your question please?

188. - Olly: Yeah. - Oh, yeah, man.

189. I just figured out the coolest thing you can do, dudes.

190. Okay. Well, give us a question.

191. You're calling with a question, right?

192. Well, not really. But you know what?

193. If you take little drawings,

194. And you put them on your ceiling fan

195. And look at it in the strobe, they look like a movie.

196. They look like they're moving.

197. - Oh, gosh. - That's great.

198. How, how did you come—

199. How did you come up with that brilliant discovery?

200. - Because it's— - I'm— I'm wasted.

201. Oh, okay. That's about what it would take.

202. - Great. Let's take another call. - Caller, go ahead.

203. Hi. Thank god I got through.

204. Look, I had a yoga accident. I'm really into yoga.

205. And I've been in the same position for five days now.

206. - No way. - Okay, you look pretty weird.

207. Yeah, I feel pretty weird. I haven't eaten or slept.

208. It's so embarrassing.

209. I've been staring at my own ass for the last five days.

210. - I haven't gone to the— - well, I haven't slept.

211. - What— what's—

212. The thing is, I don't really know anything about yoga.

213. I do.

214. You should really call a hospital or something for this.

215. This is the hospital I've called.

216. You must be mistaken.

217. No, this is the "sifl and olly show."

218. What?

219. This is the "sifl and olly show."

220. Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

221. You're on television right now.

222. Turn me off!

223. Okay. Sorry about that, folks.

224. - Yeah. - Actually, it's pretty cool though, isn't it?

225. - Weird but— - okay, we'll see you soon.

226. - See ya. - Cool.

227. Hi, everybody. How you doing, man?

228. Pretty good, I need to get out of here, though.

229. So can you guys can give me a ride somewhere?

230. Where do you need to go?

231. Just use the time to give me a lift.

232. - Is that cool? - Are you going to felinda's house again?

233. I don't know.

234. Why don't you get yourself a driver's license and—

235. - What's that? - What's a driver's license?

236. It's just close.

237. Can I just get the keys to the riding lawnmower?

238. I wanna do some gardening. Big-time.

239. Rock fact—

240. Think about it.

241. Answer after the break.

242. Rock answer—

243. Menudo actually started as a death metal band

244. Called cadaver caliente.

245. right?

246. You had a pretty frustrating day today.

247. First the computers,

248. And then that dude stops by, and then all the money stuff.

249. Yeah, the money stuff just about killed me.

250. - The money stuff is tough. - So you were pretty frustrated, aren't you?

251. Yeah.

252. - And that's weird. - How are you doing now though?

253. He doesn't get frustrated hardly at all.

254. I know. How you doing now though?

255. I feel like $70.

256. - Cool. - 70 bucks.

257. Did I tell you what—

258. What mike did for me for 70 bucks?

259. What?

260. He drove to pensacola, florida, to get me a slurpee.

261. - That's insane. - From 7-eleven.

262. Oh, we gotta go— we gotta to do interview.

263. Hi, everybody, and today,

264. We have a great interview for you music lovers out there.

265. Yeah. We saved up all the money, and we got

266. The entire johnson high school marching band.

267. I think they're about ready.

268. Yeah, so without any further ado,

269. Here is the johnson high school marching band.

270. Hey.

271. Hey. Are the others still on the bus?

272. No.

273. Where are they?

274. It's just me. I'm the band.

275. You're the only one in the johnson high school band?

276. Yeah.

277. What your name, dude?

278. Eric johnson.

279. You're the only one at school who signed up for band?

280. I'm the only one in my school.

281. It's johnson high school. My dad's ted johnson.

282. I'm home-taught.

283. - Dude, that sucks, man. - I know.

284. So why do you have a marching band?

285. My dad went to a real school, and he didn't want me

286. To miss out on all the things he had.

287. I'm the football team, too.

288. You have to play against other schools?

289. Yeah, it really sucks, man.

290. I gotta play against 11 guys, then get changed,

291. Then do the halftime show, then get changed back

292. Into my football equipment to finish the game.

293. That sounds pretty embarrassing, dude,

294. Yeah. Tell me about it.

295. What else you have to do?

296. Principal dad made me the yearbook editor.

297. You have a yearbook?

298. It's just a stupid pamphlet with some pictures of me in it.

299. Well, at least you don't have to, you know,

300. Go very far for school in the morning.

301. At least you can just roll out a bed.

302. The hell I don't.

303. My dad drives me every morning to his old high school,

304. And then makes me walk back home to start classes.

305. And your dad sounds like an ass.

306. Mr. Johnson! It's dinner time.

307. You're late for home ec.

308. Oh, dad.

309. Hey, principal johnson,

310. Why are you doing this to your son, man?

311. You all just bought yourself a week of detentions.

312. Oh, yeah?

313. Okay, two weeks. You got two weeks, mister.

314. - Eat my pants. - Cut it out.

315. What was that?

316. Eat! My! Pants!

317. All right, misters, you're all mine.

318. Three weeks of detentions, huh? You guys want another one?

319. Yes.

320. All right, four weeks. You want another one?

321. - Yes. - Five weeks, misters.

322. - I got you. You're mine, five weeks. - Oh, man, get out of here.

323. - Get out of our show. - The hell with you guys!

324. - Get out of here! - I'll see you guys in detention.

325. - Okay. - Oh, man.

326. Dude, how are we gonna tell our moms?

327. We'll just have tell 'em we're staying after school to study.

328. Hello, everybody, and welcome to "calls from the public,"

329. Your chance to bug us.

330. Your chance to call from the public.

331. So call.

332. Okay, first call. Caller, go ahead.

333. Yeah, hi, do you guys like role games,

334. Like dungeons and dragons and stuff?

335. - No. - No, but I know all about them.

336. Okay, great. Well, my dungeon master—

337. Yeah, your dm.

338. Yeah, he's been putting

339. This really bad spell on my wizard and he's been—

340. He keeps giving my wizard herpes.

341. Whoa.

342. Yeah, I know. What should I do?

343. You need to collect a lot of gold pieces

344. And just go buy yourself a rubber cloak for his wand.

345. Well, yeah, the last time I tried that,

346. He said that he loses sensitivity

347. In his magic and he can't feel the magic.

348. Well, you're just gonna have to insist that he wears them.

349. - Yeah. - Okay.

350. - Okay, thanks a lot, caller. - Okay, see ya.

351. Hey, everybody, how's it going? It's almost the end of the show.

352. Yeah. Let's do that thing.

353. - Right now? - Yeah.

354. Okay. Yeah, we should.

355. Folks, we know there's a lot of responsibility with our jobs

356. Being on television and everything,

357. So we want to take this opportunity

358. To sort of educate you on a real travesty

359. That's going on in the world.

360. It's turtle poaching, basically,

361. And we love turtles.

362. We know that you guys like turtles.

363. And we don't wanna see any turtles getting hurt.

364. Or their— or their owners.

365. There's a lot of bullying going on in the turtle world

366. And it's— it's a well-known fact.

367. A lot of turtles are being made into products

368. And a lot of their owners are being forced into positions

369. Like, they'll track you down if you own a turtle.

370. They're being threatened.

371. So this is our musical to tell the world about it.

372. Here's dolores.

373. Okay, everybody. Here's sifl and olly.

374. Thanks, chester. Hi, everybody.

375. - Welcome to the show. - You look fat.

376. What?

377. I mean, you don't look fat. I just think you're fat.

378. Oh, that's very nice of you to say, mr. Jerk.

379. - No, not— - let's just go to do some interview—

380. - Let's do an interview. - It's not anything personal.

381. - Hi, everybody. - Hello.

382. And welcome to the part of the show where we do an interview.

383. Today, we got a really special interview.

384. - Tell them about it. - We're gonna have —

385. We're gonna be interviewing

386. The world's fattest banjo player.

387. And you guys know there's a lot of fat banjo players out there.

388. - Yeah.

389. So we got one of them here toda—

390. What the hell's that?

391. It's chester's new pet.

392. It sounds like a fax machine.

393. Well, it is a fax machine.

394. - He has pet a fax machine? - Yeah.

395. He should be bringing that thing into the house.

396. Are you kidding, man? That's just old toner!

397. He's the best damn fax machine all around here!

398. - Really? - Yeah, let me get him in here.

399. Hey, old toner, come here, boy. Come on in here, boy.

400. - Come on.

401. What's that, boy?

402. What the hell? This is stupid.

403. No, watch, watch. What's that, boy?

404. A fire?

405. You say there's a fire somewhere, boy?

406. Where is the fire?

407. Oh, come on.

408. What's that? The barn. There's a fire in the barn.

409. - Who started the fire, boy? - This is stupid.

410. Come on. Tell us about the fire.

411. What the hell is that?

412. Dude, he's not making any sense.

413. So I think he has some sort of computer virus rabies.

414. - What? - And I think that he needs to be put down.

415. Do you want me to do it? I'll do it.

416. - You're gonna kill him? - Yeah.

417. He's totally crazy and acting weird.

418. So I think that he has rabies,

419. And we got to put him down, so I'll do it, okay?

420. - You want me to do it? - You can't kill him.

421. No, I think— I think he needs it.

422. He's suffering.

423. Okay. Let me do it then.

424. - Okay. - I wanna be the one.

425. Okay, good. Go do it.

426. All right, I'll be right back.

427. Now how are you gonna tell chester

428. That you killed his pet, huh?

429. I'll do it. Want me to do it?

430. - Can I fax him? - Well, I don't think so.

431. - Hey, chester— - no, no, no, no, no, let me tell him.

432. - Chester, come in here. - Let me tell him.

433. - I can do it. - Hey, chester?

434. Yeah?

435. Dude, I killed your— your fax machine.

436. That's cool. He was weird anyways.

437. - Really? - Yeah.

438. Besides, I just got a new pet toaster.

439. Oh, man.

440. Find out in a minute.

441. I can't believe that you killed chester's pet.

442. I still can't believe that you did that anyway.

443. Dude, I can't believe you brought that up.

444. But you know I had to kill it. The thing was suffering.

445. - You can't let— - yeah, but—

446. It's more humane to let—

447. Yeah, but how do you feel if I just like killed you?

448. If I was just like— I decide, I think he needs—

449. If I was suffering, that'd be fine.

450. But that's a subject we can't touch.

451. But I'm not afraid to die. I mean I've—

452. I made my will, you know, I know what's going on

453. - With my funeral and stuff. - You made out a will? You made your will?

454. Yeah.

455. Did you leave anything to me?

456. Yeah, I willed— I mean, I willed almost,

457. You know, everything to you,

458. Except for, you know, some stuff to my family,

459. And I left chester something really stupid.

460. Did you leave me cool stuff?

461. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty cool stuff.

462. - Really? - Yeah. But, you know—

463. I mean I'm not— dying doesn't really scare me

464. - Because it's not— - I can't wait to see what you left me.

465. But you know what I'm saying about—

466. No. I mean, I can't wait.

467. Pink floyd was named after roger waters'

468. Best friend floyd who was plagued with conjunctivitis,

469. Otherwise known as pink eye, for his whole life.

470. - Sifl: That's terrible. - Olly: Mm.

471. Oh, yeah.

472. Like, have feelings like—

473. - I was having that— - about your grandchildren and stuff?

474. Yeah. I was having—

475. Before you asked that, I was just remembering

476. You asking me that just right before you asked it.

477. That's really weird.

478. - I know. - That's kind of like—

479. - It's reverse dйjа vu. - It's like reverse dйjа vu.

480. I've had reverse dйjа vu.

481. But that was pretty close to the time it happened.

482. - So maybe it's easier. - I think it's easier—

483. Like if you would remember something I'm gonna do

484. In ten minutes, that would be really impressive.

485. That would.

486. It's easier to remember things

487. That are about to happen right before they do.

488. that's true. That's so weird.

489. - We got to go to precious roy. - Oh, okay.

490. Hi, folks,

491. And welcome to the precious roy home shopping netwerk.

492. I'm olly.

493. Hey, I'm sifl.

494. You know, folks, if you're like me,

495. Hot summer days mean two things.

496. One— long hours in the back seat of a police cruiser.

497. And two— wishing I had some chicken-flavored

498. Air conditioning.

499. Oh, yeah, you know about the problems I've had

500. Spending summer days in the back of a police cruiser.

501. Yeah.

502. Now, folks, I know that most of you

503. Are traveling door-to-door farmers.

504. Now you miss the chicken smell when you're on the road, right?

505. We all miss that chicken smell in the home.

506. Don't leave your chicken smell at home!

507. Bring the smell with you! You can get it, folks.

508. The precious roy chicken flavored air conditioning.

509. Let's take a call.

510. Uh, hello. My name dr. Vernon merble.

511. And actually, I'd like to talk to you, olly.

512. Have you tried this precious roy

513. Chicken flavored air conditioning, doctor?

514. No, olly, I think you're starting

515. To lose touch with reality a little bit.

516. I told you.

517. In comparison to what you're doing,

518. I think you're suffering from manic compulsive salesmanship.

519. What you need to know is that I'll bet your office

520. Doesn't smell like chicken, am I right?

521. I'm right about this, folks, aren't I?

522. Olly, you need to refocus your energy

523. Back towards reality.

524. You need to get the precious roy

525. Chicken flavored air conditioning.

526. I need another call.

527. hi. I'm a chicken.

528. Wow, folks, a chicken.

529. Yeah. Well, I live in the city, okay?

530. I love city chicken.

531. Okay, and I get really homesick,

532. And I just wanna let your callers know that I put—

533. I turned this air conditioner on,

534. And it brings back all the smells of home.

535. All the smells of home.

536. Folks, it's a scientific fact—

537. The smell of chicken not only make you feel good,

538. It gives you higher sat scores.

539. Now let's talk to precious roy now

540. About this incredible product.

541. Precious roy?

542. This is precious roy.

543. Why can't I play with the mannequins?

544. Precious, what about

545. The chicken flavored air conditioning?

546. Who made chili?

547. Suckers!

548. Good evening, top story in entertainment news tonight.

549. Brat pack lover boys leonardo da vinci and cheese boy

550. Are at it once again in the middle

551. Of hollywood's biggest battle over who is the sexiest man.

552. We asked cheese boy his side of the story.

553. You're dead, da vinci.

554. Cheese boy, are the rumors true that da vinci scratched

555. The words across the hood of your new saab?

556. You know, I am the sexiest teenage man.

557. Wow, that you are.

558. And you heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen.

559. Good night.

560. Hi, everybody.

561. And welcome to "calls from the public."

562. Hi, everybody, and welcome to "calls from the public."

563. Don't mimic me.

564. Don't mimic you.

565. Okay, first caller.

566. first caller.

567. - Stop it. - Huh.

568. caller, go ahead.

569. Caller, go ahead.

570. - Hey, sifl. - Hey, cody, what's up, dude?

571. Nothing. How you doing, man?

572. Good, man. Good.

573. Hey, are we on for tonight, dude?

574. Yeah, we're definitely on. We'll go out.

575. We're not— sifl, you're not really supposed to take

576. Personal calls on this line.

577. - Okay— - who is that?

578. - It's olly. - Hey, olly.

579. Yeah, dude, we'll hit it up tonight.

580. - Excellent. - Just let me call you back after the show.

581. - Okay, dude. - We're doing the show right now.

582. - Right now? - Yeah, right now.

583. - Crescent fresh. - Yeah.

584. - Excellent. - Okay, dude, talk to you later.

585. - Okay, man. - Sorry, dude.

586. We're not supposed to take personal calls.

587. Okay. Caller, go ahead.

588. No, listen, you can't do that again, okay?

589. Okay. Caller, go ahead.

590. Hello, I am the king of japan.

591. - Olly: Cool. - Sifl: You're a real king?

592. - Yes, I am. - Far out, man!

593. I have a message for your viewers.

594. - Okay, shoot. - Yeah.

595. Well, I've just been sitting here really.

596. - I don't get out much.

597. You should— you don't get out on the battlefield?

598. Do you do that kind of thing?

599. No, I have people that do that for me.

600. Have you ever had someone executed 'cause you were bored?

601. No. I have never left this room actually.

602. Okay. That's it. You need to get out.

603. You need to come over to america, hang out with us.

604. - Yeah. Yeah. - We'll go to a couple of keggers.

605. Cool keggers like rock concerts and stuff.

606. I would like that very much.

607. Hey, dude, do you hacky sack?

608. Why, yes, I do.

609. Excellent, we'll get you a ticket out and see you soon.

610. Yeah, let's take the next caller.

611. - Okay. - Caller, go ahead.

612. Yeah. I've got a problem.

613. Okay, what's your problem?

614. Well the problem is that I told this girl

615. That I had pictures of a ufo

616. So that she would go out with me.

617. - Sure, yeah, I know it well. - Yeah.

618. And she wants to see them now, and what should I do?

619. Oh, dude, it's easy, just get a saucer

620. Throw it up in the air, take a picture,

621. - And develop it in black and white. - Yeah.

622. But, why would I do that? I got the real thing.

623. Wow! Well, then just show her. Show her, dude.

624. You're there.

625. Sifl, do you think I can trust her?

626. Sure, why not?

627. Well she's the president's daughter.

628. Oh, dude.

629. Rule number one.

630. Yeah, you don't date the president's daughter.

631. Yeah. Everybody out there?

632. Everyone, keep your hands off the president's daughter.

633. Please, for our country.

634. - Okay. - See you guys.

635. Hi. Today, we'd like you to meet our friend, chester.

636. Um, chester is looking—

637. Chester has a message for any single women out there.

638. He's looking for a date,

639. And so he'd just like to say something

640. To you women out there.

641. Hi.

642. My name— I'm chester,

643. And I'll take you roller skating, and I'll—

644. I'll push dudes down to let them know where I stand.

645. I-I'll scar 'em up.

646. Um, how can—

647. If a woman wants to—

648. Okay, say a woman would like to go out with you

649. On a date or something, and what type of—

650. What type of things does she expect to happen

651. On a date with you?

652. Find out after this.

653. Led zeppelin's albums.

654. They're actually used as tiles to prevent the space shuttle

655. From burning up upon re-entry into the earth's atmosphere.

656. Because they are solid rock, folks.

657. They'll hold up the power, baby.

658. One, two, ready, go.

659. So how do you think we're doing so far?

660. Fantastic.

661. I mean, really fantastic.

662. We're doing good?

663. I mean, really fantastic.

664. I'm really happy.

665. I mean, you guys have grown three inches.

666. The last person told me that was my girlfriend.

667. - Yeah. You wish. - You are fantastic.

668. You grew three inches.

669. Um—

670. Do you think the show's going okay?

671. I think so.

672. Someone's here. Someone is upstairs.

673. - Really? - Who's here, brian?

674. We gotta do an interview, folks. Hold on.

675. - Yo! Hey, man. - Hey, man.

676. - It's interview time. - That's right.

677. And so we're gonna do— we're gonna interview—

678. Well, we wanted to interview guys from kiss.

679. But they're really hard to get a hold of and expensive.

680. And so— but we managed to get some guys

681. That auditioned to be drummers in kiss.

682. So we brought them in here today.

683. And they seem pretty cool, I guess.

684. Yeah.

685. The thing is that kiss drummers—

686. If you know kiss, the drummers always have to be an animal.

687. So like peter criss was a cat, you know?

688. They have to paint the face— so we thought we'd bring them in

689. And find out what animal they were gonna be

690. If they had ever gotten into kiss.

691. - Alright, let's do it. - Who's the first drummer out there?

692. Come on in here, man. What's your name, dude?

693. - Tiger woods. - Sifl: Hey, tiger woods.

694. You know, there's a famous golfer named tiger woods?

695. Yeah, are you related to him?

696. No, not at all.

697. Huh. So what animal—

698. What animal do you symbolize?

699. I symbolize the giraffe.

700. Why didn't you choose a tiger?

701. Tiger.

702. Like your name?

703. I don't know any tigers that can drum.

704. Do you know any giraffes that are drummers?

705. Sure.

706. Get out of here, dude.

707. - Olly: All right, next. - Sifl: Who's next?

708. Oh, yeah. My name is derek rose.

709. Yeah. Did you know there is a famous golfer named derek rose?

710. - Really? - No.

711. What's your— what's the name of your animal, dude?

712. It's a— it's a skunk.

713. A skunk?

714. Yeah.

715. What the hell?

716. What good's a rock-and-roll skunk?

717. Well, during my drum solo, I spray this a stinky hot liquid

718. That I usually can send out to about the tenth row,

719. But during the cleveland show, I hit 12.

720. That's the stupidest thing I heard in my life.

721. - Dude, who wants— how do you spray that stuff? - Who wants that?

722. Doesn't matter! I ain't get the gig anyways!

723. - Okay. Who's next? - All right.

724. I am!

725. who the hell are you?

726. What's your name?

727. Deuce loosely!

728. Okay, and what's your drummer animal man name?

729. I'm the panda!

730. - Panda? - What the hell is—

731. - Why are you a panda? - Why are you a panda?

732. The panda has a very lot of mysterious qualities!

733. Like what?

734. In ancient vietnamese mythology,

735. The pandas were known to have x-ray vision and black hearts.

736. Yeah, so what does that have to do with rock and roll?

737. In norwegian folklore, it's believed

738. That the night pandas become strange shadow creatures

739. Which inhabit the souls of man!

740. the hell's wrong with you, dude?

741. What's that have to do with rock?

742. In aztec times, the panda—

743. - Sifl: Hey, dude. - What?

744. Do you play drums?

745. Uh... Did you know that panda solved

746. The russian hopscotch mystery of 1942?

747. Dude, what do you do?

748. Are you even a drummer?

749. No, I study the global folklore of the panda.

750. - Oh my god. - Dude, see, if we had peter criss —

751. We'd have been sitting back, listening to beth and chilling.

752. - Drum solos and stuff.

753. Hey, everybody, it's almost the end of the show.

754. And what's wrong with you, dude?

755. I keep having flashbacks from when I was in the army.

756. - Really? - It was intense.

757. I saw fire and blood and explosions and it was—

758. - Dude. - No, I'll never—

759. You never told me about that.

760. - Yeah. - Wow, what war were you in?

761. Dude, I wasn't in the war, but I was in the army.

762. I was in the kiss army.

763. Really?

764. Yeah.

765. In the '70s?

766. The boot camp was awesome though,

767. 'cause I got to wear the big, tall stacks,

768. - You know, the dragon ones? - Rock.

769. Rock!

770. Swing it! Ooh!

771. We love you! Yeah, yeah!

772. Rock!