Sifl & Olly Show 1x8

1. Now robot and olly.

2. Thanks, chester. Hi, I'll olly and this is—

3. - Hello, everybody. - Who the hell are you?

4. - I'm sifl. - No, you're not.

5. - Sifl programmed me. - The hell's going on here?

6. Sifl programmed me to do the show.

7. Look, folks, I don't know what the hell's going on here,

8. But let's take some calls.

9. - Hi, everybody. - Hello there, television viewers.

10. - Hi. What— - I will now take calls from the public.

11. - I can do it, okay? - I will now take the first call.

12. - Okay, everybody, this is— - caller, go ahead.

13. - I can do this. - Sifl and freaking olly,

14. - This is your landlord. - Hi, sir.

15. You know what I'm calling about.

16. - No. - I just drove by the property,

17. And there was a giraffe eating popcorn

18. Out of your basketball hoop.

19. We are sorry, sir.

20. Why is there a giraffe on my freaking property?

21. - We are sorry. - Are you sure it was a giraffe?

22. Yes, I'm sure it was a giraffe.

23. First the freaking monkeys, and now the freaking giraffe.

24. Get them out of there!

25. - We are sorry. - We're just renting them for a little whi—

26. For a little while

27. What the hell is wrong with you guys?

28. - They cleaned up your gutters. - What?

29. They ate all the leaves out of the gutters.

30. You get these freaking animals out of my property.

31. Okay, we better take another call now.

32. - Or you're gonna a freakin— - okay, next caller.

33. - Next caller. - Hey, dude.

34. - Hello, master. - How's it going?

35. What are you doing? What are you—

36. Where are you?

37. I'm out doing some—

38. What— get back here, man. What is this—

39. What is this robot?

40. - That's there for me so I can split. - I love you, master.

41. What the hell are you doing? Where did you get a robot?

42. I just made him. Yeah, I just needed—

43. I've needed a day like today for a long time

44. Just to get all that stuff done I've been putting off.

45. - Well, so do I but— - I love you, master.

46. I built a robot for it, so...

47. Well get back here. I don't wanna do this—

48. What made you think I wanted to do the show with a robot?

49. Well, it's a pretty good robot

50. - Thank you. - It's a jerk.

51. Yeah, anyways, hey, robot, speech sample number ten.

52. - No, no. - Caller go ahead.

53. Thanks a lot.

54. Hey, guys, am I on the air?

55. Yeah, next caller.

56. Yeah, yeah, I had this question. I got a blind date coming up.

57. Why do you sing everything?

58. Stop this. Stop... This.

59. Look, you stupid robot.

60. - Whoa! - If you don't get off the show—

61. - I can do this by myself. - I love you.

62. I'd rather do this alone than be with you.

63. I love you, olly.

64. We'll be right back.

65. Find out in a minute.

66. "up until rattle and hum,"

67. All of the u2 albums were recorded

68. By harnessing the power of fermenting potatoes

69. To symbolize the plight of ireland.

70. No way.

71. I know.

72. I could show you some programs that could really help you...

73. - I don't want— - do your job better.

74. You couldn't do my job better.

75. I could do a better job than you.

76. No, you couldn't, you stupid robot.

77. I could play football better than you.

78. You can't play football, you're a piece of junk.

79. My master has programmed me to be a perfect tv host.

80. There's no such thi—

81. - I am kind, smart, quick-witted... - Oh, my gosh.

82. - Musical and entertaining. - Shut up! Shut up!

83. And now ladies and gentlemen— interviews.

84. Hello there, viewing audience.

85. Shut— shut up!

86. Hi. I'm still stuck with this freaking robot.

87. But today, I'm gonna get to interview winona ryder,

88. Which has been my lifelong dream.

89. And I'm so happy. She's my favorite—

90. Olly, I have something to tell you.

91. What?

92. I canceled her.

93. You did not!

94. - I've been waiting for this— - I was programmed to cancel

95. Whatever you want to do.

96. You are the biggest jerk I've ever met in my entire life,

97. - And I— you're— - I'm sorry.

98. I was programmed that way.

99. What are we gonna do now? You cancelled winona ryder.

100. Welcome to the show, battery.

101. Hello.

102. You replaced winona ryder with a battery?

103. So, battery, tell me about your voltage.

104. - Well, I'm— - it's nine volts, you idiot.

105. It's a nine volt battery.

106. Yeah, that's right. I'm nine volts.

107. How come you're square and other batteries are round?

108. Actually, he's rectangular.

109. He knows what I mean. Oh, gosh.

110. - Somebody help— - what advice do you have

111. For those of us who are interested

112. In becoming a battery?

113. Two words— aa.

114. They're getting all the work out there, all the work.

115. Right now, I could be looking at winona ryder's eyes,

116. Big beautiful eyes—

117. - Olly, don't worry. - I'm stuck here with you guys.

118. I'm the only person here, you guys know that, don't you?

119. Neither of you are alive, do you know that?

120. I'm alive. Winona ryder is alive, buddy.

121. Who's winona ryder?

122. - Who is winona ryder? - Yeah.

123. You don't know who winona ryder is?

124. What the hell is going on?

125. I'm in appliances all day long

126. Charging away, charging away.

127. This is stupid!

128. - Don't argue. - Shut the hell up!

129. I'm just... Try...

130. - What the hell's wrong with you? - The battery is dead.

131. Good! He deserved—

132. You killed the guest.

133. I didn't kill the guest, you freak!

134. Get me out of here!

135. I'm supposed to be with winona ryder right now.

136. Where the— sifl, where the hell are you?

137. If you're watching right now—

138. You shouldn't speak that way of master.

139. Shut up!

140. Sifl, if you're watching, you're dead next, buddy.

141. You got that? Where the hell are you?

142. Don't you have a show tonight?

143. Who cares?

144. Hello, there.

145. We're gonna talk with chester now.

146. - Hey, man. - Hey.

147. Hey, we're gonna take some more mail now

148. Because we keep getting letters in,

149. And people wanna ask you questions,

150. So we're gonna read some of these letters, okay?

151. - More letters? - Yeah.

152. Yeah. That's a lot of stamps.

153. - Yeah, it is. - That's a lot of tongues.

154. Yeah. This first letter is from—

155. This first letter is from jay miner.

156. And he wants to know, what's your sign?

157. Oh.

158. Well, I'm a clio.

159. A clio? What's a clio?

160. Clio's the greek god of carnival rides.

161. - I mean... - Is that a real sign?

162. Yeah, real sign.

163. Is that a real carnival here?

164. Um, I don't know.

165. Look, let's take another letter, okay?

166. Okay. Shoot.

167. This next one is from greg lee, and he wants to know

168. Can you make the— the sound of a chicken.

169. Okay.

170. is that the best you can do?

171. I usually— I'm better with a beak.

172. Why does he— why does he wanna know that?

173. I don't have any idea.

174. For robots, for oil.

175. Suckers!

176. It's boring.

177. It's boring around here.

178. Chester, introduce us.

179. I'm too sexy for your show.

180. See ya.

181. What the hell?

182. I know why he does such a bad job with everything.

183. Because he's just— he only eats cereal.

184. Yeah, he's— he eats a lot of cereal.

185. That's all he eats. Have you ever seen him eat—

186. Have you ever seen him eat anything but cereal?

187. Have you ever seen him not eating cereal

188. Unless he is in the car?

189. Well, he brings it in the car with him, too.

190. I don't know.

191. - What do we got today? - We got—

192. - Hi everybody, I'm olly. - Hey, I'm sifl.

193. We got a good show today, man, so—

194. - Stick around. - Yeah, watch it.

195. Hello, today, we have a very serious guest

196. And if you're up-to-date with the medical world,

197. You know he's there on the cover of every magazine.

198. Of course, we're talking about woody wilson,

199. Boy in the plastic bubble.

200. That's right, and we've gone to great lengths

201. To bring him here today.

202. We have a whole team of doctors on standby.

203. We had to sterilize the entire studio.

204. So here he is, woody wilson, boy in the plastic bubble.

205. Hi.

206. Doesn't it just break your heart, america?

207. Woody, how are you today?

208. Great. Thanks.

209. Can you— can you believe that, america?

210. What a trooper.

211. What an example of the perseverance

212. Of the human spirit, just incredible.

213. How was your trip here, woody?

214. It was cool. We got to ride in a van.

215. Can you believe that?

216. All that joy from a simple aerostar.

217. We take so much for granted, you know, if you think about it.

218. All the day-to-day things that we don't take the time to enjoy,

219. Like walking in corduroy pants

220. Or peeing in a pool.

221. Hey, hey guys!

222. Or even just having pink eye, you know what I mean?

223. Hey, you guys, you took all this time to get me down here.

224. Aren't you gonna talk with me?

225. Sure. I'm sorry, woody. Yeah.

226. Can you remind us, what's the horrible disease

227. That sentenced you to this life in a plastic prison?

228. Oh, I'm not sick.

229. W-what?

230. What?

231. Yeah, I'm not sick at all, really.

232. I'm in here for the attention, man.

233. I get seats on the floor at big concerts.

234. I get front row to nascar. I sit there in the lawn.

235. They set me up. Girls dig me.

236. So what would, what would girls—

237. What would you want with girls?

238. You can't even touch them.

239. You can't even be more than nine years old.

240. No, I'm, uh— I'm 32.

241. So you're just some 32-year-old loser

242. - Trying to pick up babes. - Hey, buddy, I ain't a loser.

243. Watch who you're talking to. You're talking to woody wilson.

244. You're just trying to pick up babes using sympathy, dude.

245. Yeah, I'm oughta come out there and kick your ass right now.

246. Yeah, you ought to come out here and prove your manhood, dude,

247. And pick up a girl like a real man does, all right?

248. Okay, I'm coming out. I'm coming out.

249. My ball!

250. Oh, my gosh.

251. Dude, he's dead.

252. Oh, my— that was incredible.

253. What— doctor, what happened?

254. I think that his immune system must have been so weak

255. From being in the bubble his whole life.

256. That's incredible.

257. Yeah, incredible. Hey, there.

258. Which singer could destroy the world the easiest

259. If he or she were a giant radioactive turtle?

260. Find out after the break.

261. That's an easy one. Puffy combs.

262. Absolutely.

263. So do you remember the kid who would eat tinfoil?

264. Yeah.

265. He wouldn't eat it, but he would chew on it.

266. - Do you know— - and he was, you know,

267. He was in pain when he would do it.

268. It was nuts.

269. I know, and do you know what?

270. He grew up to be a freak— a sideshow freak guy?

271. - Really? - Uh-huh.

272. And he— except when he grew up.

273. Did he stick around? Was he in the local freak show?

274. Yeah, he was in the local freak show.

275. - So he didn't move out of town? - No, but then he—

276. What he does now is that he— he heats his body up

277. And he throws himself at aluminum siding

278. And just like melts it with his body.

279. Wow, I heard about a guy who did that with ice.

280. He would heat his body up and see how big

281. Of an indentation he could make in a big block of ice.

282. That's cool.

283. Oh, we got to go to precious roy.

284. Hi there, folks, welcome to the precious roy

285. Home shopping network.

286. Now if you're like me, your family gets attacked

287. By squirrels every day, am I right?

288. - I'm right, aren't I? - Sometimes twice.

289. Sometimes. We live in fear.

290. Their razor claws, their poisonous stingers,

291. Their projectile teeth—

292. They shoot their teeth, you know.

293. Have you ever looked a squirrel in the eyes?

294. Solid black.

295. Oh, and you know about the trouble

296. I've been having with squirrel eyes.

297. Yeah.

298. So, folks, what are we gonna do?

299. I don't know. What's the solution?

300. Again, folks, its precious roy squirrel zappers.

301. Get 'em! Please protect your family.

302. Protect your nuts.

303. These squirrels are dangerous business, sifl.

304. I don't know how to get people to realize, you know?

305. I can. I can take—

306. I can take care of it, if you want me to.

307. Let's take a call.

308. Yeah, what exactly should these

309. Precious roy shocker things be doing to these squirrels?

310. Just shock them a little.

311. Stun 'em.

312. Hmm, well, every time ours goes off,

313. Every light bulb in the house explodes.

314. We got a little pile of squirrels forming

315. Right underneath that zapper.

316. What do you have it set to?

317. I got it set for "hooker."

318. Oh that's way— that's way, way too high.

319. That's way too high.

320. You need to turn it down. It's set too high.

321. Now, folks, we're not squirrel killers.

322. We don't want to kill a squirrel.

323. We just hate them. Let's take another call.

324. I think this thing is so inhumane.

325. Inhumane?

326. Friend, what about electric dog fences?

327. What about the fact that squirrels

328. Are responsible for 70% of all deaths?

329. No, they're not.

330. - Yes. They are actually. - Yes, they are.

331. Yeah, they are actually.

332. I've had serious problems with squirrel deaths.

333. How could we be lying if we are on television?

334. I think we need to talk to precious roy.

335. Precious roy.

336. This is precious roy,

337. And I listen to the indigo girls.

338. Hey precious, what do you think about the squirrel zappers?

339. You guys smell like old soup.

340. Suckers!

341. Don't ever sing over my theme song again.

342. - No, it's all right. Today, I'm going to do— - no, it's not.

343. Today, I'm going to do the news for the animals.

344. No, you're not. That's stupid.

345. No, 'cause animals need news.

346. This next message goes out to all you rabbits in the world.

347. How'd you like that, huh?

348. How you'd like that, you stinking rabbits?

349. Good night.

350. Hey, everybody, and welcome to

351. It's almost the end of the show.

352. Oh, I can't be bothered.

353. Oh, you can, though. Let it bother you.

354. Oh, here comes olly. Here comes olly with a new kick.

355. He's gonna have some—

356. - If you understood per— - he's gonna be into like— what?

357. - If you understood performance art— - oh, performance art.

358. You can spend all the time in television you want.

359. You're never gonna say anything that is truth.

360. Yeah, you can spend all the time trying to figure out pi.

361. Well, I've been spending my time painting human beings

362. Metallic shades and letting them run through the forest,

363. Which I think says a lot more than this show.

364. See, I'm interested in stark landscape, sifl.

365. I want to leave a gender-bending aftertaste on society, okay?

366. - Okay, that's great. - I'm just trying to push the limits

367. Of negative space to the point that form

368. And the composition mimic each other.

369. It becomes like— it becomes a dance almost.

370. So you're saying what?

371. Okay, everybody. Here's sifl and olly.

372. Thanks, chester. Hi, everybody.

373. Welcome to the damn show. I'm olly.

374. Hey, I'm... Sifl.

375. hey, man.

376. Tell them about our show today.

377. We got a— we got an interview.

378. Uh-huh, we have an interview that's via satellite.

379. Oh yeah, it's via— no, because the satellite's busted.

380. No, because I fixed the satellite.

381. - You fixed the satellite? - Yeah.

382. I went to fix the satellite last night.

383. It's in outer space, dude.

384. That's not... A problem.

385. okay.

386. Well, let's check it out then.

387. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the show.

388. Today, we are gonna go via satellite

389. To the royal family of atlantis.

390. How are we gonna do that?

391. We don't— our satellite's busted.

392. - No, I took care of it. - What do you mean?

393. I fixed it, you know.

394. I mean, satellite repair was my major in college.

395. Yeah, too bad you only went to the class three times,

396. - Though, dude. - Too bad you never went.

397. Too bad because I didn't take the damn class.

398. Okay, anyways, we gotta go via satellite now

399. To the royal family of atlantis.

400. Hello?

401. Whoa! Cops, cops, cops.

402. - Hello? Hello? - Cops!

403. Don't you guys ever do that again, man.

404. We thought you guys were cops.

405. Are you guys cops?

406. No, we're not cops.

407. Aren't you guys the royal family of atlantis?

408. I'm city and this is— wait.

409. I thought I heard something.

410. I'm city, and this is my partner, highway.

411. Dude, you screwed this up again, man.

412. This is an inside of a radar detector.

413. Ssh, quiet. Shut up! Shut up!

414. - No, I was just— - shut up! I'm picking something up.

415. Oh, come on, city. You're just way too sensitive.

416. Okay. Let's try this one more time.

417. Bacon $2.69! Thumbtacks $0.99! Kiwis $2.11!

418. Krazy glue $1.99! Rutabaga $16.00!

419. Hotcakes $0.12!

420. Hey, what's this all about?

421. Where are we?

422. You're in the grocery store scanner.

423. - Oh, what's that like? - Hey, look, I can't talk now.

424. Prunes $4.55! Pickles $1.99! Tampons $0.17!

425. Thermometer $2.55! Can't read it!

426. Can't read it! Can't read it! Refrigerator magnet $0.89!

427. Rubber bands $0.55! Melons $0.69!

428. Melons magazine $7.22! Jugs of milk $1.11!

429. Jugs of milk magazine $17.00! Vaseline $3.80!

430. - Times one! Times two! Times three! Times four! - Stop!

431. - Times 5! - Dude, stop!

432. - No! - Stop!

433. No, why do you wanna stop him?

434. This is the worst via satellite we've ever done.

435. Why are we only connecting to things that scan things?

436. Who wants to be inside a grocery store scanner?

437. I don't know, I would have liked to talk to him.

438. You broke our satellite, face it.

439. I don't know, I just can't believe

440. They raised the price of jugs of milk magazine.

441. Of the entire rock world,

442. Who is the only artist to have his or her face

443. Carved into mount rushmore?

444. Stay tuned for that answer.

445. Hello there, welcome.

446. Hey, heads up, new york!

447. - What the hell? - Sorry.

448. - Hi, everybody. - Hi.

449. We've had a pretty good time today, actually.

450. We have had a pretty good time today.

451. It's been good. I have a surprise.

452. - What? - I built a spaceship.

453. - Again? - Yes, I built a spaceship.

454. Every year— every year he builds a spaceship.

455. Every year, I build a kickass spaceship.

456. Every year he tries, and it takes us

457. About 50 feet up in the air and drops us.

458. No, that's not true. I built—

459. Are you gonna launch us off the roof again?

460. That was pretty smart. Remember that?

461. Yeah.

462. In fact, I am gonna launch us off the roof again.

463. I got a spaceship that's gonna work,

464. And I don't need your slack about it

465. Because we're gonna get up in space,

466. And you're gonna see the earth below you,

467. And you're gonna think,

468. "oh, sifl, this is a really cool spaceship."

469. And then I'm gonna say, "thanks."

470. Instead of, "see, I told you."

471. - Okay. All right, dude. - I'm gonna cool about it.

472. - You have to get into it. - Let's get in the spaceship,

473. And we'll rock out, I'm telling you.

474. - Trust me. - Okay.

475. How can we make this room into an aquarium?

476. Oh, gosh, we need a lot of colored gravel.

477. We would need a lot of colored gravel.

478. You need to start with that because it's the—

479. I think we have to put the gravel down first.

480. Well, yeah, we have to because it's the heaviest

481. And when you— you wanna—

482. Also the water's gonna be really dirty

483. If you put the gravel in second.

484. Right.

485. How do we— how do you test to see—

486. We need to— we need to clean the gravel

487. Before we even bring it down here.

488. But how do you make sure that the walls are waterproof,

489. That they're crack-proof?

490. We'd actually have to fill it up with water first

491. - To find out. - To find out.

492. And then we'd have to use a lot of caulking in the corner

493. So we could keep all the water in the room.

494. Oh, we do that— we gotta go.

495. Sorry.

496. Hi, folks and welcome to the precious roy

497. Home shopping network.

498. I'm olly.

499. I'm sifl.

500. Are you eating?

501. Yeah, I'm eating a sandwich.

502. You just told me that you weren't hungry.

503. Well, I'm not.

504. Our glorious country, torn in two!

505. You remember the civil war, folks.

506. We were all there.

507. And we lost millions in the civil war.

508. And you know what? It wasn't that long ago.

509. Think about it, you know. It wasn't long ago.

510. No, it wasn't.

511. Now those brave men need not be forgot.

512. If you're like me, you wake up

513. In the middle of the night screaming,

514. "where are all of those corpses?"

515. Hey, dude.

516. Dude, we've got some serious corpse-finding problems.

517. Well, you know the troubles I've had trying to find corpses.

518. You've got some serious-ass corpse-finding problem, sifl.

519. Fear not, ladies and gentlemen.

520. Welcome to the...

521. Precious roy civil war corpses.

522. Folks, in heaven, the north and south are one.

523. Show your american spirit and loyalty.

524. Give these brave corpses a good home!

525. Okay. Let's take a caller.

526. Yeah, my high school football team's

527. Called the fighting corpses.

528. And we got one of these the other day,

529. And it makes a great team mascot.

530. Wow. That is great.

531. Just don't let the opposing team get a hold of him.

532. let's take another call.

533. Hi, every year, my work has a civil war party,

534. And you're supposed to bring a corpse with you as a date.

535. Wow.

536. Yeah, and last year, I was the only one without,

537. And I had to spend the entire night in the bathroom.

538. That's a shame but not for long. Do you like the product?

539. I love it. I love it.

540. Plus it keeps the cops off my ass

541. When I'm speeding down the carpool lane.

542. Another incredible use, folks.

543. Satisfied customer.

544. I can't wait to talk to precious roy

545. And find out more about this incredible product.

546. Precious roy.

547. Do you really wanna talk to him?

548. I absolutely can't wait. Precious roy.

549. This is precious roy,

550. And you kids better pay for that lap dance.

551. Precious, what about the civil war corpses?

552. Apple cider!

553. What?

554. Suckers!

555. Okay.

556. Chester, why don't you ever introduce us right?

557. no, why don't you guys let me sing a song?

558. - You wanna sing a song? - Yeah.

559. - Okay, sing a song. - Okay.

560. Oh, that was really good, chester, thanks.

561. Okay, now we're gonna take some calls from the public.

562. Hi, welcome to the part of the show

563. Where there's usually nudity.

564. No, there isn't. "calls from the public."

565. And now, calls from the public.

566. Caller, go ahead.

567. Yeah, I love the show and I was just wondering—

568. Okay, next caller.

569. Yeah, I really love your voices.

570. - Olly: Oh, thank you. - Sifl: What's your question?

571. You have sexy voices.

572. - Thanks. - Okay, we do.

573. I just was— I videotape all the shows.

574. I never miss it.

575. And I just— I just play it over and over.

576. Okay, do you have a question?

577. Do you want to get to the point

578. I'm videotaping this right now,

579. And I was wondering if you could please

580. Just say something for me.

581. - Oh. Sure. - What's that?

582. Could you please just say "more gravy, cinderella?"

583. - "more gravy, cinderella." - okay.

584. Can you please say "more gravy, cinderella"?

585. - Sifl: Okay, you ready? - Both: More gravy, cin—

586. Don't, don't. All right, next caller.

587. Hey.

588. - Hey. - Hey, sifl.

589. Hey, olly. Hey, sifl.

590. Hey.

591. Uh, how you guys doing?

592. We're doing all right. You got a question, man?

593. Yeah, I do. How is this possible?

594. How is what possible?

595. Me calling... Us.

596. How's that poss— how's that working?

597. We must have a weird connection or something.

598. Why?

599. Oh, I don't know. I was just wondering.

600. - Okay. - Okay. Well, see you later, man.

601. Yeah, I gotta go, too. See you guys.

602. - Okay, bye. - Yeah, whatever. Caller, go ahead.

603. Hi, boys. It's me, mom.

604. - Hi, mom. - Hey, mrs. Olly. How you doing?

605. I'm fine. How are you, sifl?

606. I'm good. Thank you.

607. Hey, thank you so much for all that stuff you sent me

608. Last week and the month before that and the clothes.

609. - Did the shirts, did the shirts fit, dear? - The shirts fit great.

610. - Those are expensive shirts you sent me. - She sent you stuff?

611. No, it's okay. It's okay.

612. Yeah, she sends me stuff all the time, dude.

613. Hey, listen, there's one reason why I'm calling.

614. - Olly? - Yeah?

615. I've been watching the show, dear, and you're slouching.

616. I'd love to see you stand up tall like sifl does.

617. Yeah, dude.

618. Mom, we're trying to do a show, okay?

619. Watch your— watch your mouth, young man.

620. Yeah, dude. Why don't you chill out on mom?

621. Well, I guess I didn't know this was

622. The sifl and olly's mom show.

623. So you guys just finish the show without me.

624. - Bye. - Has he always been like that?

625. Well, he's having a bad day.

626. Will you still buy me lunch today?

627. - Of course. - Okay, let's go.

628. Bye.

629. Okay, chester?

630. Chester?

631. Yeah.

632. Um, we're gonna form a band.

633. - and don't mind that.

634. We're gonna form a band,

635. And we're looking for backup singers.

636. why?

637. Do you— for the band.

638. Do you think you have the confidence

639. To have good stage presence in our band?

640. Probably some.

641. I don't know.

642. Well, do you think you could do some singing for us?

643. I don't know.

644. I'll do— I'll do a dance.

645. I'll knock your pants off you.

646. I know you're a good dancer.

647. That's why we're kind of interested in using you,

648. But, um... Sing something.

649. We can— we'll see if you—

650. I don't know. You guys know—

651. You guys know "stolen holiday"?

652. Yeah, we know "stolen holiday."

653. Sing us a little piece of that.

654. All right.

655. she goes—

656. Oh, help— help me.

657. Today's question is— why did abba cross the road?

658. Stay tuned for that answer.

659. Why did abba cross the road you ask, you ask?

660. Because they were stapled to the ace of base.

661. It's simple as geometry, folks!

662. Yeah, he was the guy— he was the guy

663. That invented the pizza tie.

664. Yeah, I know. I hate the pizza tie.

665. why?

666. I don't know, I hate that every time

667. You order the fast food from that place

668. Or if you order to-go food from that place, it sucks.

669. If you go there and eat it there, it's great.

670. Every time we make a to-go order,

671. They screw up and they get—

672. They put the wrong stuff on everything.

673. No, I keep getting pepperoni bow ties,

674. And I'm always ordering the— the really long sausage

675. Thin necktie.

676. Yeah, I know. I went for an olive-link belt.

677. The problem is you get cheese

678. All over your shirt and sauce very time.

679. Try wearing a tie made out of pizza, it's not easy.

680. You see, if you get it there, it's not as greasy, the clothes.

681. We've got an interview, folks. Hold on.

682. Hi, everybody, welcome to the interview part of the show.

683. Today, we've got the llama squad.

684. - They're gonna be coming in— - hey, hey, olly, olly.

685. - What? - I didn't get the llama squad today.

686. - Why? - Couldn't afford them.

687. I kind of blew through some cash for that.

688. Dude, we're in debt, man, already.

689. How are we gonna get a good show?

690. Everyone's in debt.

691. Yeah, but what are we gonna do?

692. Well, don't worry about it, because I got it covered.

693. What did you get this time, huh?

694. Listen to me, you're gonna be into this.

695. - Alright. - I went to a library

696. And I checked out all the old "peto & flek" shows.

697. Excellent! That's cool.

698. This is gonna be cool, folks. Don't worry about it.

699. This is my favorite show of all time.

700. Me too, this is our favorite show

701. We'd watch when we were little,

702. And these guys are totally the reason

703. I got into television besides all the hookers

704. - And money and people. - Yeah, my number one influence.

705. Yeah, so check this out, folks. This is "peto & flek show."

706. This is gonna be cool. Good idea, dude.

707. And now ladies and germs, peto & flek.

708. Hi. I'm peto.

709. And this is my friend flek.

710. - G-g-g-g-guh-guh!

711. Hey, man, did you get your car fixed?

712. - G-g-g-g-guh-guh!

713. - Rock! - G-guh.

714. Rock! Man, that's cool.

715. G-guh.

716. Hey, flek, do you see that chick last night?

717. - G-g-g-g-guh-guh!

718. - Rock. - G-guh.

719. Yeah. Man, that's cool.

720. Hey, man, how's the new tattoo?

721. - G-g-g-g-guh-guh!

722. Flek, man, you're insane, dude.

723. They oughta lock you up.

724. G-g-g-g-guh! Guh!

725. Yeah, I know it. It rocked!

726. G-guh. G-guh.

727. Yeah, I know!

728. G-g-g-g-guh!

729. Flek, man, you rock!

730. G-g-g-g-guh-guh!

731. That's all, folks. See ya!

732. - Aloha! - Hey, everybody,

733. Welcome to the calls from the public.

734. It's time to answer some phone calls from our viewers.

735. So yell into your phones and you should get through.

736. - You want to take the first call? - Caller, go ahead.

737. Yeah. Why am I in a box?

738. Why are you in a box? Are you dead?

739. No.

740. - Can you feel around inside? - Yeah.

741. Inside?

742. Oh, wait, I think you just are a box.

743. I am?

744. - Yeah. - Yeah.

745. - I'm a box. - Sifl: Yeah, you're a box.

746. - Olly: Yeah. - Sifl: Got that?

747. Oh...

748. - Sifl: Okay. - Olly: See you, box.

749. Yeah, thank you, box. Next caller.

750. Hey.

751. Hey, dude. How you been, man?

752. Crescent fresh, man.

753. - What does this crescent fresh thing? - Yeah.

754. - What? - Sifl: What does crescent fresh mean?

755. - What are you saying to us? - Are you serious?

756. Crescent fresh is like you say you're so crescent

757. Or if you're like— if you're crescent—

758. Okay, s— crescent— if you're so crescent.

759. Okay, caller, caller, that's good, okay, we gotta go.

760. And we'll see you guys really soon.

761. - Thanks a lot, bye. - See you guys.

762. Hi, everybody,

763. And welcome to the almost end of the show.

764. - I think we had a— - chester, what are you doing here?

765. Chester, man, get out of here, dude.

766. Hip-hop.

767. Sorry, sorry.

768. Sing it.

769. Oh.

770. Are those— are the drums on?

771. I didn't hear that.