Sifl & Olly Show 1x3

1. Yeah, just so you dudes know, I'm the baddest dude in town.

2. - all right, I'm glad that's settled.

3. No, you're not.

4. - That was a lame-ass introduction. - Thanks a lot, chester.

5. - Hey everybody were sifl and— - oh!

6. Whoa. What's happening? Are you having another dйjа vu?

7. - Dйjа vu! - It's like four or five a day you've been getting, man.

8. - That's insane. - Dude.

9. Hey, so, do you remember me saying this?

10. Dude, don't even do that.

11. Do you remember me saying this though?

12. - Now it's time for our interview.

13. Hi, everybody, and welcome to the interview part in the show.

14. - I'm olly. - Hey, I'm sifl.

15. - Okay. - Yeah, we got a good interview for everyone today—

16. - what was that?

17. - What was what?

18. - Oh, that was— that's our show waiting. - That.

19. What's show waiting?

20. It's when another show's coming through.

21. We can click over and watch the other show.

22. Why it didn't happen?

23. 'cause there's another show beeping in right now.

24. Did you order this or something?

25. Yeah, I ordered it. It's great.

26. You're wasting all of our money on stupid stuff, dude.

27. How are we supposed to know what show it is?

28. I'm not wasting money because I didn't buy the show id.

29. - That was really expensive. - Oh great, so you saved—

30. Just let me click over. Let me click.

31. We'll be right back to our show. Let me click over, hold on.

32. Welcome to "functions of the family,"

33. Your 8,000-step plan to better living

34. And here's your self-help guru, paul rogers.

35. Paul?

36. Hello, this is paul rogers.

37. Welcome to "functions of the family"!

38. I ain't got a family! I ain't any functions!

39. - Paul? - Why are you doing this to me?

40. Paul!

41. It's time to tell our friends at home function number one.

42. Why don't you tell our friends at home

43. Function number one?

44. Function number one is—

45. Always remember your family member's names.

46. Yeah, especially if you need bailed out of a prison

47. - At 4:00 in the morning! - Paul?

48. First names are good! Oh!

49. Paul, it's time for the second—

50. - it's time for the second function

51. In your 8,000-step plan!

52. What's that?

53. Always remember— love is best

54. When it's a two-way street, remember that one, paul?

55. Yeah, I remember a three-way street

56. With your wife and the librarian girl!

57. - That's smooth lovin'! - Paul!

58. - Paul! - What do you want?

59. - You're fired! - I quit!

60. - Finally! - Fine!

61. That means "welcome to calls from the public."

62. That means "caller, go ahead."

63. Yeah, this is eddie from jersey.

64. You guys are suckers!

65. Yeah, sock it to them, eddie.

66. What? Hey, sifl.

67. Yeah? You're a rotten slouch bag egg ass.

68. - You tell them, eddie. - Yeah, you're an egg ass.

69. - Yeah, you're an idiot. - Do you guys—

70. Do you guys have anything better to do than prank call?

71. Yeah, I can prank call your ass again.

72. I'm eddie.

73. - I know. - You guys are in trouble.

74. You know that we can see you, right?

75. Hey, I ain't eddie.

76. What are you— what are you guys doing here?

77. I gotta go.

78. Yeah, you better go. We better take the next call.

79. Caller, go ahead.

80. - Olly, it's your mom. - Hi, mom.

81. - Hey, mrs. O. - Hi, sifl.

82. - How you doing? - Olly?

83. - What? - You left your jacket here,

84. And I found a pack of cigarettes in the pocket.

85. I was holding it for sifl.

86. Sifl would never do that.

87. That's right, smoking is a bad disgusting habit.

88. You hear that, viewers at home?

89. Um, just throw them away. I don't care.

90. I don't know whose they are though.

91. I did throw them away.

92. - Oh. - I can't believe you, dude.

93. Well, we gotta go, mom.

94. We're doing our show and everything, so—

95. - Yeah. Thanks for calling though. - Yeah, okay.

96. - Bye, sifl. - Bye.

97. - Dude, you owe me a pack a smokes. - Oh, man.

98. I got a hot date tonight with a certain—

99. Well, she's a vegetable, but I can really talk to her.

100. You're unbelievable.

101. Hey I'm dating one of the four food groups,

102. And that's better than what you've pulled off recently.

103. I've dated, uh—

104. I guess I've dated things from the meat group.

105. Yeah, well the point is that I can really talk to her

106. And she— I mean, I look in her eyes,

107. - And I think— - you see orange.

108. Yeah.

109. Dude, you're—

110. I think you've lost it this time.

111. Oh, leave me alone.

112. You're happy in love at least.

113. That's right.

114. Saddam hussein developed a chemical cloud

115. In the shape of janet jackson

116. To seduce soldiers out into the open.

117. Is that really true?

118. - Olly: No.

119. Yeah, I think ice was here before man.

120. How could ice be here before man?

121. Man came from water which has not—

122. Has nothing to do with ice.

123. No it does. Okay, it does.

124. Well, no, I think man invented ice, didn't he?

125. There wasn't ice before refrigerator— or freezers.

126. The ice age was man.

127. Man came before the ice age, I think.

128. No, was there ice age before man?

129. Man came before the ice age.

130. I thought the ice age was, like, just a show.

131. Where there's skaters and stuff.

132. No that's that's the ice capades.

133. Oh. That's weird.

134. What are we talking about again?

135. I don't know.

136. Oh— you better— turn the music off.

137. Precious roy is next.

138. Hi, and welcome to the precious roy

139. Home shopping network, where—

140. Where quality is like a stinking dead rat.

141. You just can't miss it, folks. Precious roy.

142. Let me tell you about it.

143. Oh, the majestic sasquatch.

144. We've grown to love him.

145. We've grown to love the mystery.

146. But the pranks have to stop.

147. If you're like me. Folks, and you live in the city,

148. You're tired of these sasquatch games,

149. The ding-dong ditching your house,

150. Then tapping on the window and showing their butts

151. And running away.

152. In the city, they don't have the trees.

153. They can't hide in the city.

154. Hey, this is— this is a great product.

155. This is a great product.

156. Let's just get to some phone calls on it.

157. Are you people even listening, is what I wonder sometimes?

158. Okay, just cue up that first phone.

159. Next call!

160. Yeah, I run the bigfoot club in downtown l.A.

161. Oh, yeah, we know about that.

162. Yeah, my customers come to the club,

163. And they expect to see at least one bigfoot, okay?

164. But thanks to precious roy,

165. Everyone goes home with a bigfoot story.

166. Incredible, folks. Testimony. You're hearing it here, folks.

167. Everyone has a bigfoot story.

168. The precious roy sasquatch feeder.

169. Get it? Let's take another call.

170. Yes, I'm a bigfoot,

171. And I have to tell your viewers

172. These things are tasty.

173. - That's incredible. - Absolutely incredible, folks.

174. A bigfoot himself just told you how much he likes them.

175. What more do you need?

176. What more do you want to hear?

177. Hey, hey, hey.

178. Chill out. Sorry.

179. Precious roy, let's talk to him

180. And find out what the scoop is.

181. Precious roy.

182. This is precious roy,

183. And the people at the bank call me marty.

184. Yeah, but, precious what about the sasquatch feeders?

185. Buy my bird feeders!

186. No precious roy, they're sasquatch—

187. You guys are suckers!

188. Good evening, serena and viewing audience.

189. This is the news. My name is sifl.

190. And I'll be your anchor tonight.

191. Tonight we have an exciting story

192. - About belgian waffles and— - no.

193. I'm gonna do news now. I brought in somebody.

194. What the hell are you talking about?

195. I got— today we're gonna have extreme cooking with isop jones.

196. He's a friend of mine, and he's gonna give

197. Some wonderful recipes for around the house.

198. It's like— it's like a home part of the show.

199. Isop?

200. What are you gonna make?

201. This guy is stupid.

202. No, he's really cool dude. Check this out.

203. Get— get him off. Can we get him off?

204. I'm so embarrassed. Do you know what?

205. Check this out, this is the best part.

206. excellent! Doughnuts.

207. Cool, isop! Rock!

208. Okay, I'm sorry about that, serena.

209. I'm sorry about that, viewing audience.

210. - That's all. - This serena stuff.

211. Yeah. Goodnight.

212. Dude, I have to get out of here.

213. Really? I just —

214. Can we please give get out of here today?

215. - I'm sorry. - What do you wanna do, man?

216. Let's just drive somewhere.

217. You just want to go take a drive?

218. - Yeah. - Let's take a road trip.

219. - How will we do "calls from the public"? - I got the car phone, man.

220. Okay, that's cool. Let's do that then.

221. - Let's roll. - Cool.

222. Hello there and welcome to "calls from the car phone."

223. Where we take calls from our car.

224. Okay, this is gonna be weird.

225. - Yeah. Well, let's try it. - Okay.

226. Caller, go ahead.

227. This is your landlord.

228. Yeah, I know. We can see you.

229. Well, I'm getting complaints from the neighbors again.

230. Don't you freaks ever sleep?

231. - What? - Man.

232. Look, the neighbors say you're building something.

233. They can hear hammering and sawing all night long.

234. No, we're not. What are you talking about?

235. You liar!

236. What are you guys doing to my property?

237. - Nothing. - Nothing, man, nothing.

238. Nothing? There's a freaking windmill on the roof.

239. - Yeah, we just needed to power something for a little while. - Yeah.

240. What the hell are you talking about?

241. Hey listen, we're on our car phone

242. And this is really expensive so we gotta let you go, okay?

243. Caller, go ahead.

244. Y-yeah, I was wondering,

245. Why can't— why can't I taste anything?

246. - Um, have you tried using your mouth? - Yeah.

247. Okay. Thank you.

248. - Sure. - No problem.

249. Caller, go ahead.

250. Yeah, I'm a robot.

251. And here at the lab,

252. The scientists have made a new baby robot.

253. Okay.

254. And it's like everything is like,

255. The baby robot this, the baby robot that.

256. It's like they don't know I'm on.

257. - So you're jealous? - Yeah. I guess I am, yeah.

258. Does the baby robot have a battery?

259. Yeah, one little one.

260. Well, just take it out. Hide it, hide it.

261. Yeah, hide the battery.

262. Well, I thought about that but, you know,

263. I am fully equipped with lasers.

264. I could burn this thing.

265. I could blow this thing into a million pieces.

266. You know what I'm saying?

267. Why don't you just do that, you know, attack it?

268. - Attack the baby robot. - Oh, really?

269. - Yeah. - Well—

270. - Yeah, I mean kick his ass! Kick the baby robot's ass! - Kick his ass.

271. Yeah, that's right. I could do it.

272. Sure you can. You're a robot.

273. - Yeah, I'm a robot. - Go get him.

274. - Yeah. Okay, thanks. - Right on.

275. - Yeah, go to it. - Here I go!

276. That's what I love about robots.

277. Yeah, I know. Anything you tell them to do, they do.

278. Well, I guess that's it, folks. So were gonna keep on driving.

279. Hello there, everybody, we're gonna talk to chester now.

280. Hey, man.

281. hey.

282. Hey, we've been getting a lot mail for you.

283. Okay. I'll get it.

284. No, we've been receiving mail for you.

285. Okay.

286. So we thought we'd read one of the questions

287. - Somebody wrote in. - Okay.

288. You guys read my mail?

289. Yeah.

290. So this first one is from ben clayton.

291. It's from ben clayton of tennessee.

292. Is he here? Is he here?

293. Let me talk to him about my mail.

294. No he sent in— he sent you a letter.

295. Okay.

296. And he wanted to know what your dreams are like?

297. Okay. What are your dreams like, ben?

298. No, he wants to know what your dreams are like.

299. I'm flying.

300. You dream that you're flying?

301. - Yeah. - If you could really fly in real life,

302. Where would you fly to?

303. up to the ceiling, yeah.

304. That thing in the corner, it bugs me.

305. I don't know what it is. It's up there though.

306. You would just go to the ceiling?

307. Yeah. What would you do in your dreams, ben?

308. Stay tuned the answer.

309. The pope gets his dose of the beastie boys

310. Through his funny hat or his mitre,

311. That it's known as in the spiritual world.

312. It's actually a solar-powered 50-cd changer

313. With a built-in headphone system

314. And it was designed by coolio, believe it or not.

315. Huh.

316. So by this time it's 3:00 in the morning,

317. And there's only two of us left

318. And we found two of the— of the hidden passageways

319. Two of the rotating doors.

320. One was a bookcase.

321. The third one ends up that it's in the oven.

322. Yeah, in the oven. I heard of that before.

323. Yeah, it's the back coil. It looks like a coil.

324. You turn it, and the door swings open,

325. - And then that takes you down into the lower tunnels. - Wow.

326. So this whole place was just filled with secret passageways.

327. And you were the only two there.

328. Yeah, we were there till about 5:00 in the morning.

329. - Just walking— - I got blisters.

330. - Those tunnels go all over the city, don't they? - Yeah.

331. Oh, we've got to take an interview now, folks.

332. Hi, everybody, olly's driving, we're in the car,

333. And we're supposed to do an interview right now.

334. Yeah, but we can't because where in the car.

335. - What are we gonna do? - I don't know, let's just talk about something.

336. I just like to drive. Isn't this cool?

337. This is all right. Dude, there's a hitchhiker!

338. Pull over! Pull over!

339. No, dude that's illegal. We'll go to jail, man.

340. Who cares, man? Just relax. Pull over.

341. - Let's talk to him. - Okay, I'll pull over. I'll stop the car.

342. But, dude, dude, don't let him in because it's totally —

343. We can go to jail if he gets in this car.

344. - It's illegal. - Okay, I won't. I won't.

345. - Okay, all right. - Man: Hey, dudes, you guys going to amsterdam?

346. - Yeah, dude come on in, get in. - No, don't.

347. - Crescent. - How you doing, man.

348. - Oh, excellent. - What's your name?

349. - Freddy appleton, dude. - That's cool.

350. So, you're going to amsterdam huh?

351. - Have you been there before? - You, sir, are illegal cargo.

352. - Therefore I must place you under citizen's arrest. - What?

353. Code 429 of the united states of america.

354. Anything you do or say is good against it.

355. - Don't pay attention to him, man. - Low tide, dude.

356. So amsterdam is— there's a lot of partying going on—

357. I'm gonna clean up this city.

358. I'm gonna pick up another hitchhiker—

359. I'm gonna pick up all the hitchhikers,

360. And I'm taking them all to jail.

361. There's one.

362. Sir, get in the— get in the vehicle.

363. Hot damn diggy! You talking to me?

364. Yeah, come— hey, get on in. Come on in the car, man.

365. Y'all gonna take me to bakersfield?

366. Sure, we're on our way there.

367. So what's your name man?

368. My name's chachi longbow.

369. Kind of— you smell weird dude.

370. I made my clothes out of hay.

371. Oh, yes I thought I smelled that.

372. - So what you do, man? - He's doing time. Sir, you are under arrest.

373. Stature 25 of the united code of the union.

374. You taking me to jail?

375. You're going— you're both going to jail.

376. Hot dang diggidy!

377. I love to go to jail! They got jerry springer.

378. You eat cornbread every day, clean sheets, clean cloths.

379. It's a good deal. Yeah, come on.

380. All right!

381. You're both under arrest! Get out of the car!

382. Or we under arrest or you want us to get out of the car?

383. Which one is it? I want to go to jail.

384. I don't know, get these guys out of the car.

385. You guys smell, and you're under nonarrest

386. Which means you're free to get out of the car now.

387. Yeah, get out! Get out!

388. Can I still go to jail with you, dude?

389. Why sure, cowboy, come along with me.

390. I was just about to turn myself in.

391. Killed all my coworkers using only my thumbs.

392. - okay, okay, out of the car.

393. - Get out. - Yeah, we'll see you guys later.

394. - All right, see ya, slim! - Later, dudes.

395. I can't believe that.

396. Well, you gotta admit that was probably

397. One of the coolest interviews we've ever had.

398. I know, you're right. It was. You're right.

399. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was, let's do it again.

400. Rock.

401. okay, what am I doing here?

402. Chester, it's time for you to introduce us.

403. to who?

404. The audience. We're on tv. You know that, right?

405. You guys are crazy. I'll see you later.

406. what the hell was that about? Jeez.

407. I don't think he has any concept that we're on tv, really.

408. I don't either.

409. Um, well, hi everybody, sorry, welcome to the show.

410. - I'm olly. - I'm sifl.

411. We're gonna entertain your ass starting right...

412. - Now! - Here we go.

413. Hi, everybody,

414. And welcome to the interview section of our show.

415. This is where we do interviews

416. With all sorts of different people and stuff.

417. - Today we—

418. Was that thing again, the—

419. - Yeah, it's our show waiting.

420. - I thought we got rid of that. - No, I didn't get rid of it.

421. How are we gonna know if shows are calling us?

422. - we can't— we can't do this.

423. That was so stupid last time. Man.

424. - We got to get it. - Okay.

425. Hold on, folks, we'll be back.

426. Now, another scintillating edition

427. Of "breakfast cereal."

428. "dear bacon, I write to inform you

429. That are being sued again for breaking our agreement.

430. Once again, on the breakfast on September 5th,

431. You clearly took up most of your plate.

432. I try to remind myself that with being a pork product,

433. You can't help being such a pig.

434. Again, I understand you're longer than me,

435. But this bully attitude of yours must stop.

436. From, egg."

437. "dear egg, bring it on,

438. You yellow-hearted, greasy, mucousy bastard!

439. I'll do what I want,

440. And your lawyers don't scare me.

441. I'll try to remind myself

442. That because you're a poultry product,

443. You can't help being such a chicken.

444. This plate ain't big enough for the both of us.

445. Piss off! Bacon."

446. "dear egg and bacon,

447. I write you regrettably to complain.

448. I realize there's been a lot of stress at the plate lately

449. But this childish behavior must stop.

450. Regarding the September 5th breakfast,

451. You once again embarrassed me in front of orange juice.

452. After our lengthy discussion,

453. I thought that the two of you

454. Would at least consider my feelings.

455. Sorry. Toast."

456. "dear egg, bacon, and toast,

457. I wish that you old-timers would just shut the hell up

458. And be a healthy breakfast like the rest of us.

459. Freaks! Cereal."

460. - Aloha! - Hey, everybody,

461. Welcome to the calls from the public.

462. It's time to answer some phone calls from our viewers.

463. So yell into your phones and you should get through.

464. - You want to take the first call? - Caller, go ahead.

465. Yeah. Why am I in a box?

466. Why are you in a box? Are you dead?

467. No.

468. I don't know. I don't know.

469. I've been in here for ages.

470. Well, can you move around inside?

471. What do you mean?

472. - What I men is can you feel around inside? - Yeah.

473. Inside?

474. Oh wait, I think you just are a box.

475. I am?

476. - Yeah. - Yeah.

477. All right, I'm a boxer!

478. - No, no, you are a box. - You're a box.

479. - I'm a box. - Sifl: Yeah, you're a box.

480. - Olly: Yeah. - Sifl: Got that?

481. Oh...

482. - Sifl: Okay. - Olly: See you, box.

483. Yeah, thank you box. Next caller. Go ahead.

484. Yeah. My name is beth.

485. And I'm writing a book of tongue twisters of the stars.

486. Could I please have a donation from the sifl and olly?

487. - No. - Nope.

488. Oh, please!

489. Every time I go to school, dogs chase me home.

490. That's not really a tongue twister, olly.

491. How about you, sifl?

492. Bleah.

493. Wow. Where did you ever learn to do that?

494. What did he say?

495. I think he said it's hereditary or something, I don't know.

496. Find out in a moment.

497. - excuse me. - Hey, dude.

498. Hey, dude. Where have you been?

499. - I just went to seattle, man. - Right now?

500. Dude, I've been reborn.

501. Were you selling coffee?

502. Yeah, I worked in a coffee shop, and I worked—

503. I played with all these bands.

504. - Really? - And we made this type of music.

505. - What's it like? - It's really cool.

506. Well, it's like a— it's like heavy metal music,

507. But we just wear everyday clothes.

508. That's cool. It's like flannels and stuff?

509. Yeah, and I hung out with claire danes.

510. - Wow, from— - "my so-called life."

511. Yeah, it's on mtv.

512. - She's on mtv too. - Yeah, every day.

513. Yeah, man. It's pretty tough.

514. Well, you kinda got an attitude going on.

515. Shut up, dude! Let's crank it up, boys!

516. Let's rock it!

517. - I got all my friends here, man. - What are you doing, man?

518. - You're making a fool of yourself. - Woo-hoo!

519. Are you getting all grungy on me?

520. Whoo!

521. Whoo!

522. Absolutely nothing!

523. I can't believe you would think that bjork

524. Would have anything to do with "baywatch"!

525. Shame on you.

526. No, it's just easy, okay?

527. So this is gonna tell a lot about your psychological makeup

528. Because it is just word association.

529. It's really simple.

530. So I say word and then you just say the first thing

531. That comes to mind when you hear that word,

532. And then we'll analyze that.

533. So if I say like symbiosis.

534. And— right there?

535. Yeah, right after I say the word,

536. You have— the first thing that's on your mind

537. You just the first word, so it's like symbiosis.

538. - Right there? - Right there is the point.

539. Right after I say the word. You say your words.

540. - So if I say symbiosis— - wait, right there.

541. Right after the word "symbiosis."

542. - Right there. Okay. - Okay, ready?

543. - Symbiosis. - Right there?

544. - Right there is the spot, yeah. - Okay.

545. Symbiosis.

546. Right— right there. Right?

547. That's— we got to go to precious roy, dude.

548. Precious roy.

549. Hello there, folks,

550. And welcome to the precious roy home shopping network.

551. - I'm olly. - Hi, I'm sifl.

552. You know, folks, if you're like me,

553. You stash a lot of gold

554. And spanish doubloons in your house.

555. - Am I right? - Yeah, yeah.

556. Yeah. It's normal. You know what though, folks?

557. Doing that can cause serious pirate problems.

558. Oh, and dude, you know about the problems

559. - I've been having with pirates. - Oh, I know.

560. I mean, you've got serious-ass pirate problems, don't you?

561. Yeah, I really do.

562. Well, let's just thank precious roy for this product.

563. It's the precious roy pirate cripplers.

564. Now these shaved beavers have been raised since birth

565. To attack wooden legs.

566. This renders any pirate helpless.

567. Now folks, here's a nightmare scenario—

568. You're cuddled up in bed.

569. You hear that step-thump, step-thump

570. Of a pirate coming up your stairs.

571. You'd hide under your covers. It's not gonna do you any good!

572. He's drank your liquor, number one.

573. - Number two, he's looking for treasure. - Whoa.

574. - Okay, okay. - He's a pirate, folks.

575. You're dead!

576. Listen, why don't we get to some testimonials

577. - On this wonderful product. - I don't think peop—

578. - I'm talking my head off here. - Can we hear some calls?

579. - Sure. - Okay go ahead.

580. - Hello? Hello? - Yeah, you're on.

581. Yeah, my dad is a pirate,

582. And I don't think these are good

583. Because now he doesn't have a job.

584. Oh come on.

585. What's the big deal with that?

586. His wooden leg was his pride and joy.

587. Here's a suggestion— why don't you rent him out

588. - To birthday parties? - Kids love pirates.

589. - Kids love pirates. - They love them.

590. Next call!

591. Uh, yeah, I just wanted to say

592. That I got these pirate cripplers, right?

593. Yeah, how do you like them?

594. They have changed my dang life.

595. - I'm so happy. - No kidding?

596. Y'all have outdone yourself this time.

597. Yeah, we think so, too.

598. I used to have some serious pirate problems, too.

599. - Sifl: Myself included. - I would come home,

600. My gold was stolen, my rum was drank,

601. And not only that but all my wife's hoop earring were gone.

602. So everything's changed. My life is so much better.

603. I got three of them in the front lawn wiggling around.

604. Thank you. That's great. And that's a sight.

605. That a sight of quality product.

606. - Can we talk to precious? - Precious.

607. This is precious roy. You kids get off my property!

608. No, precious, it's the pirate cripplers.

609. Pirates? You guys are suckers!

610. - Don't ever do that again. - I'm sorry.

611. Today in entertainment news,

612. Hollywood heartthrob leonardo da vinci—

613. - That's not his name, dude. - I'm never wrong!

614. - All right. - Anyways, da vinci was seen

615. Fighting outside a hollywood bowling alley

616. With another mega sexy superstar cheese boy.

617. The reason? Reportedly the fight was over

618. The attention of claire danes.

619. - Cheese boy, any comment? - You're dead, da vinci!

620. There you have it, the gauntlet has been thrown.

621. More on this story later, and, serena,

622. I'll pick you up at 8:00.

623. - Oh jeez. - See ya!

624. hi, everybody.

625. Welcome to "calls from the public."

626. Where we take calls from the public.

627. And now here—

628. Calls from the public.

629. Okay, caller go ahead.

630. Okay, look, I'm totally into "star wars," right.

631. Totally into star wars, okay.

632. And I'm not one of these freaks.

633. I'm not one of these freaks that's crazy.

634. Now listen, no listen to me. No you listen to me.

635. I'm totally into star wars and I'm not into—

636. I'm not one of these freaks, but I think it's the best thing.

637. - I think it's the best thing I've ever seen in my life— - what is this?

638. What are you talking about? What's this?

639. - What's star wars? - What?

640. What is star wars?

641. Star wars is only the biggest thing

642. That's ever happened to me in my entire life.

643. Hmm, okay. Next caller.

644. Yeah, I was just watching your show,

645. And I can't believe what I just saw.

646. What do you mean you guys haven't seen star wars yet?

647. What's the big deal about this star worlds thing?

648. Star wars. Star wars.

649. Hey, dude, can I get out of here?

650. Look, um, what's the big deal about this thing?

651. It's only the biggest movie that's ever been made.

652. - Okay, be right back. - What?

653. If you don't watch that movie,

654. I'm gonna be on your ass like boba fett on han solo.

655. Whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, look.

656. We'll watch it during the commercials or something.

657. Okay, next caller.

658. I am insector!

659. I will ruin you! I shall rule sector five.

660. Okay. What do you do for a living?

661. - What? - What do you do?

662. I'm a— I'm a space villain.

663. Okay. Now, what was this about sector five?

664. I'm gonna ru— rule it.

665. Ah, you.

666. Y-you're not scared of me?

667. No. You're just a big teddy bear.

668. All that yelling and stuff.

669. How did you know I'm gay?

670. Oh, wow. Hmm.

671. Okay, dude.

672. Dude, you missed it. You missed the weirdest dude.

673. - Really? - Um, okay folks that's it.

674. - See ya. - I always miss weird dudes.

675. - Hey, chester. - Hey.

676. You consider yourself a fabulous lover, don't you?

677. yeah, of sorts.

678. I'm kinda thunder in the cover.

679. What do you do to get a woman in the mood?

680. Take off my clothes.

681. What do you like— what's a good way

682. Of getting a girl in the mood on the first date?

683. Like if you don't know her too well.

684. How do you get here, you know, to like you?

685. I don't know. Take off my clothes.

686. That's what you supposed to do.

687. Some people say I'm like, you know, bacon in the morning.

688. - What? - I don't know, crackling.

689. I gotta go.

690. Find out after this.

691. Jewel started her career in the entertainment industry

692. As a pro wrestler where she was famous

693. For her roundhouse alaskan crotch kick

694. But mostly for five-octave alaskan death scream.

695. - Olly: Cool. - Sifl: Did you know that?

696. Well, no because I thought you just made it up.

697. I did.

698. If you had like—

699. If you had like 5,000 cans of that spray snow...

700. - Yeah. - That you put on windows...

701. - Uh-huh. - And if you could somehow get something

702. Like a piece of wood across the bottom of all—

703. Turn them upside down, shake them up,

704. Turn it upside and if you had a piece of wood

705. Under them that would lift up and press all of them

706. At the same time and you had that on fire,

707. It could push us down the street.

708. So we could propel us, we could totally win this year.

709. We just— instead of putting the money

710. - To the wind tunnel tests... - Yeah that's fine.

711. - We invest it in the spray snow. - Spray snow.

712. And then that's gonna— that's gonna—

713. We're gonna have record times this year.

714. Yeah, we'll beat the— the kennedy twins for sure.

715. Yeah, absolutely.

716. Okay, oh we've gotta go to an interview now.

717. Okay everybody we saw star wars over the break.

718. Yeah, and it was pretty inspiring.

719. So we decided to hire a hollywood writer

720. To write us a better, better story.

721. So we've got the author of star worlds here,

722. Bernard spockman, hello, bernard.

723. Yes.

724. Why don't you tell us about the— the production.

725. Well. I'm so excited.

726. I've taken the epic space saga

727. And updated it into an off-broadway production.

728. That sounds pretty cool. Let's—

729. Let's take a look at a scene from it now.

730. Yeah.

731. I sense my pizza's about to arrive.

732. No pizza this time.

733. I see that bucket of bolts you call a ship

734. Is still holding up.

735. The bicentennial condor has not failed us yet.

736. Chester, get out of there, dude.

737. - chester, get out of there.

738. I was eating a sandwich.

739. All right. You get out. You're in the way.

740. Hey is this for real?

741. Hello my friend.

742. Who are you?

743. I'm byob kenobi.

744. And who are you?

745. That's my droid, r2-bacca.

746. You guys, you're gonna— you're gonna kill me?

747. Dude, get the hell out of there.

748. I don't wanna to go to space. I'm scared.

749. - Dude. - Hey, bernard?

750. You know, this is a bunch of crap.

751. - What is going on here? - Yeah, what the hell is this?

752. Well, this is a scene where our heroes

753. Enter the evil lair of han jabba.

754. Han jabba?

755. Did you say han jabba?

756. No han jabba.

757. Did you just say han jabba?

758. It's pronounced han jabba.

759. All right, dude, you're out of here.

760. Take your bunch of freaks and get the hell off our show.

761. - All right? - Chester, what are you doing there?

762. Is this for real?

763. No. Dude it ended, okay? It ended.

764. Oh. No. The world ended?

765. No, chester, the play did.

766. Oh. Okay.

767. That robot took my sandwich.

768. Hello and welcome to the almost the end of the program.

769. - Hey dude I got to tell you. - What?

770. I can't stop thinking about star wars.

771. - Why? - I don't know.

772. I mean, everything I do, I just wanna like—

773. I wanna tell people about star wars.

774. I wanna make star wars cookies. I wanna make—

775. I wanna make speeches about star wars.

776. I wanna make ice cubes in the shape of star wars characters.

777. I— we saw star wars during the break, folks.

778. - It was pretty good. - I could write—

779. I could write a musical about star wars.