Sifl & Olly Show 1x11

1. okay.

2. Chester, introduce us dude.

3. - What? - Introduce us.

4. I don't want to do it today. I'll do it tomorrow.

5. You don't do it any days.

6. I did it yesterday. I gotta go.

7. He always just like books on us.

8. Yeah. He's getting better though.

9. - How? - Well, he does it...

10. - Sometimes. - Sometimes.

11. He's supposed do it every day.

12. Well, some things are tough to do every day.

13. Some things are very easy to do every day like making love.

14. Yeah. Like taking interviews.

15. Hey, everybody. How you doing today?

16. Today, we have a really cool interview.

17. Yeah, we're gonna be talking

18. To dr. Arm shoulders shoes and shorts.

19. And he's a famous german philosopher.

20. - Yeah. This— - what are those?

21. I don't know, what is that?

22. Um, hey, babes. This is dirk steiner upstairs.

23. Sorry for cutting in,

24. But I have to have a word with ya.

25. First of all, shoes and shorts was not approved by us.

26. Well, I just thought it'd be cool, um—

27. Hey, cool does not appeal to our demographic.

28. We need edgy.

29. Well, what if we beat him up?

30. Listen, guys, we're still not even convinced

31. That you should be on the air.

32. So we're gonna make a few minor changes

33. To improve your marketability.

34. Oh, man.

35. First off, our test audience said they'd like the show

36. A little bit more if sifl had a beard.

37. What?

38. Whoa, nice beard, dude. Oh, great.

39. Oh, yeah, and for you, olly,

40. 13-year-old girls between the heights of 5'4"

41. And 5'6" whose parents work at mtv

42. Said they'd like olly more

43. If you'd look like a member of hanson.

44. Oh, dude, I hate hanson, man.

45. - This sucks. - Look at you.

46. Oh, yeah, and one more thing—

47. Our test audience said they'd like the show more

48. If you guys were just better-looking in general.

49. - What? - Oh, man.

50. What are you doing to us?

51. Oh, look at that, the graph just went up, guys.

52. Who knows tv, baby? I do. I do.

53. - Hey, look man. This is our show. - Yeah.

54. Oh, it's still your show, guys. You're just edgy know.

55. - Okay. - Oh, man.

56. Well, our test audience said that they'd like you better

57. If you were a... Burning seal.

58. What? You can't do this to me.

59. Yeah, we can, and you know what else they said?

60. They said they'd like you better if you were two burning seals.

61. Yeah!

62. You can't do this to me. I own you boys!

63. Yeah, we can, see, dude, our graphs are goin' up.

64. Our graph just went through the roofs, dude.

65. Why you little— I own you guys.

66. Dude, you're still in charge.

67. You're just edgy now.

68. Hey, later dude.

69. Feel better?

70. I'm still a plastic dude.

71. Hello, tv watchers.

72. And welcome to "calls from the public."

73. Now, we're gonna take calls. So call in.

74. Caller, go ahead.

75. This is your landlord.

76. Yeah, what do you want?

77. You know damn well what I want.

78. I want those freakin' monkeys off of my property.

79. Well, they're not ours.

80. What do you mean they're not yours?

81. - We don't— - there's three feet of monkey down there.

82. - No, there isn't. - There's not.

83. We trained them to use the toilets.

84. - Yeah. - I don't—

85. I don't want no freaking monkeys using my toilets.

86. Yeah. Well, everything's covered.

87. - So, anyways— - you guys hear me?

88. Yeah. Thanks a lot. We'll see you later.

89. - Wait! - Caller, go ahead.

90. Yeah. Caller?

91. Yeah, I have a question about my sexuality.

92. Okay. What is it?

93. Oh, you know, I mean, am I a dinner fork

94. Or a salad fork?

95. I don't know.

96. - I don't even really know the difference myself. - Me neither.

97. Yeah, that makes two of us. I mean, what should I do?

98. How will I know?

99. I would just lay there and wait to see

100. What people use you for, really.

101. Oh, that is so kinky.

102. You're a pervert.

103. - You guys... - Okay.

104. I think we better take another call.

105. Think about it, folks.

106. Find out in just a minute.

107. Today, we're gonna sing a song about

108. - Dude and dogs. - Chicks and dogs.

109. No, we're gonna sing a song about cars and trucks.

110. - No wait.

111. - I get the song— - we'll sing a song about cats and dudes.

112. - No, let's sing about monkeys. - No, monkeys.

113. Okay, that's hilarious.

114. We'll sing about monkeys.

115. Dogs and cats.

116. And dudes and chicks.

117. Chicks and dudes and trucks and cars.

118. - All right. Ready? - And 10-speeds.

119. And 10-speeds. Okay. Ready?

120. No, I'm not really at all for this.

121. The answer, of course, tommy hilfiger.

122. He is actually james hetfield of metallica.

123. No, he isn't.

124. - Sifl: I know. - Olly:

125. - I don't— I don't think it's a mouse. - It's true.

126. No, it's true. I saw it in london.

127. It's true.

128. Inside, if you take a pigeon under the back wings.

129. Yeah.

130. There's a lever which opens it up.

131. And on the inside, it's hollowed out.

132. There's a littler chair in there.

133. - You're totally serious about this? - I'm totally serious.

134. There's little pedals, there's—

135. End, like, that way that— is has to pedal it inside,

136. And that's what makes the neck go like that,

137. When they're going across the ground.

138. And there's a pecking mechanism. And the mice—

139. Maybe it's like that in london.

140. The mice are using these to get all the garbage off the street,

141. - And they're eating it. - So who—

142. And they're building little underground cities.

143. - In london. - Yeah.

144. Inside of every pigeon, there is a mouse.

145. It's true.

146. We'd better go to precious roy.

147. Hello, folks.

148. And welcome to the precious roy home shopping netwerk.

149. Hey, I'm sifl.

150. The miracle of life, folks, is a sweet thing.

151. But how embarrassing is it when you suddenly wake up,

152. And you have a baby out of the blue?

153. If you're like me, you wanna know

154. If you are pregnant on a daily basis.

155. And we need to wake up and realize

156. That these pregnancy tests on the market

157. That they're trying to sell us,

158. They're not cutti" the mustard these days!

159. Dude, you need to relax a little bit.

160. Now, folks, let me introduce you

161. To the precious roy pregnancy test.

162. This simple device has been scientifically tested.

163. You put the cord around your waist.

164. When you feel the cord start tightening, folks,

165. You're growing something inside of your body!

166. Now, I want some calls! Now!

167. Okay. First caller.

168. Yeah, uh, I peed on this rope,

169. And, uh, it didn't change any colors.

170. Folks, when are you gonna

171. Get it through your head?

172. I'm not playing games here.

173. Hey, cut it out with the melodramatic.

174. Dramatic? Mr. Melodramatic? You're pregnant, okay?

175. - No, I'm not pregnant! - We're taking another call!

176. No! No! We're gonna talk about this.

177. - Another call. Caller, go ahead. - Go ahead.

178. Yeah, I'm a 43-year-old virgin male,

179. And I got one of these things and put it on.

180. And it's gettin' tighter. Am I a-gettin' pregnant?"

181. You are pregnant.

182. You are the first pregnant male virgin.

183. Folks, it's workin' miracles.

184. That is impressive.

185. This man just called.

186. He's been tryin' to have a baby for years he said!

187. I'm goin' crazy about this!

188. He didn't say that.

189. He did, and I heard him!

190. And now we're going to talk to precious roy!

191. Precious?

192. This is precious roy!

193. They call me aunt julie at the home.

194. Aunt julie, tell me about this pregnancy test.

195. Buy my garlic pasta.

196. Suckers!

197. Good evening and welcome to the news.

198. My name is sifl, I'm your anchor for tonight.

199. This is my partner ol—

200. Tonight in the news, in seems that—

201. Can you hear my thoughts?

202. I have made this helmet to transmit my thoughts

203. To all women of the world.

204. I am seeking a woman age 18 to 80

205. For fun and relationships.

206. Must look like serena altschul.

207. I am rich, smart, cool, blonde hair,

208. Chiseled jaw, and superb in bed.

209. I enjoy slam dancing and slam romancing.

210. Dumb helmet. Take that thing off.

211. I will pay money.

212. No transvestites please,

213. Unless you look like serena altschul.

214. Can't keep concentrating.

215. And that's all the news for tonight.

216. Thanks you have a pleasant, pleasant tomorrow.

217. Good night, serena.

218. Dude, get that helmet— just get out.

219. - Aloha! - Hey, everybody,

220. Welcome to the calls from the public.

221. It's time to answer some phone calls from our viewers.

222. So yell into your phones and you should get through.

223. - You want to take the first call? - Caller, go ahead.

224. Yeah. Why am I in a box?

225. Why are you in a box? Are you dead?

226. No.

227. I don't know. I don't know.

228. I've been in here for ages.

229. Well, can you move around inside?

230. What do you mean?

231. - What I men is can you feel around inside? - Yeah.

232. Inside?

233. Oh wait, I think you just are a box.

234. I am?

235. - Yeah. - Yeah.

236. All right, I'm a boxer!

237. - No, no, you are a box. - You're a box.

238. - I'm a box. - Sifl: Yeah, you're a box.

239. - Olly: Yeah. - Sifl: Got that?

240. Oh...

241. - Sifl: Okay. - Olly: See you, box.

242. Yeah, thank you box. Next caller. Go ahead.

243. Yeah. My name is beth.

244. And I'm writing a book of tongue twisters of the stars.

245. Could I please have a donation from the sifl and olly?

246. - No. - Nope.

247. Oh, please!

248. Every time I go to school, dogs chase me home.

249. That's not really a tongue twister, olly.

250. How about you, sifl?

251. Bleah.

252. Wow. Where did you ever learn to do that?

253. What did he say?

254. I think he said it's hereditary or something, I don't know.

255. Okay, we got to take another call. Next caller.

256. Hey!

257. Hey, dude. How you been?

258. Crescent fresh, man.

259. I've got a problem though.

260. Yeah, what's your question?

261. Well, my friends say I'm taking too many dares,

262. But I know I'm not.

263. You're kind of a daredevil, huh?

264. - It's crescent fresh. - Sifl: You do stupid things a lot?

265. Well, crescent because, like,

266. I jumped off the top of my apartment house last weekend,

267. And it was so crescent fresh, you should have seen it/

268. I got video, man. It was bad.

269. Wow, sounds like you might be giving in

270. - To peer pressure a little. - Yeah.

271. See, that's what's so crescent fresh about you dudes,

272. 'cause you never get it.

273. Well, we get it, but what is this crescent fresh thing?

274. - Yeah. - What?

275. What does crescent fresh mean?

276. - What are you saying to us? - Are you serious?

277. Crescent fresh is like, if you say you're so crescent—

278. All right, well if you like— if you're crescent.

279. Mm-hmm.

280. Okay— crescent, if you're so crescent—

281. Caller, that's good. Okay. We gotta go.

282. And we'll see you guys really soon.

283. - Thanks a lot. Bye. - See you guys.

284. Hello, everybody. We're gonna talk to chester now.

285. - Hey, man. - Hey.

286. Hey, chester, do you like— um, do you like bubbles?

287. Why?

288. I don't know. Do you like bubbles?

289. Of course I like bubbles. I told you about that question.

290. No, you didn't.

291. I told you about the thing,

292. About how when I'm by myself...

293. And bubbles.

294. - what? - What are you talking about?

295. You know, the bus, the bus ride?

296. The kids on the bus. I told you that story.

297. - Sifl: Bus? - That blew bubbles.

298. No.

299. - Yes. Why? - Wait, I want to get some—

300. Could we get some bubbles in here?

301. - I gotta see what happens. - No, don't do it.

302. Jeez. Get the bubbles, chester, get 'em!

303. Get 'em!

304. Okay. Get the bubbles, chester.

305. You missed one, you missed one, its coming to get ya.

306. S-stop the bus! Stop the bus!

307. Find out in just a minute.

308. Nothing!

309. Don't compare bjork to anyone!

310. She is off-limits.

311. No linking her. No comparing bjork!

312. Okay. Okay.

313. So when we open the casket,

314. - There is this note in his hand. - Wait.

315. Did you open the casket before they drank the potions?

316. Yeah, we did actually.

317. That's the first mistake.

318. I know, but, well, especially because

319. When we opened the casket,

320. There's a rolled-up note in his hand.

321. - Yeah. - It just says,

322. "drinketh the potion first, my everlasting."

323. Right, that's how you know that—

324. That's the trap right there.

325. What do you mean?

326. If he— you need to drink the potion.

327. You see the potion when you walk in.

328. - So you drink till potion. - Yeah.

329. - Don't wait till the dead guy— - gives you the note.

330. Gives you a note saying, "drink the potion now."

331. We had a hard time opening the coffin too.

332. We gotta go to an interview, folks.

333. Hold on.

334. Woo-hoo! It's interview time!

335. Yeah.

336. I like me some interviews.

337. Yeah. I got the poets today.

338. Sifl hired poets to come in and talk to us.

339. Man, don't start about the poets.

340. - Listen everyone— - he likes any poetry.

341. He has no taste. He didn't even know what it is.

342. Any poem he thinks is really good.

343. So you're gonna understand what I mean in a second.

344. You like these guys, don't you?

345. Hell, yeah, I like 'em.

346. Okay. Well, folks, check this out.

347. No. If you knew anything culture, you'd like 'em too.

348. All right. Let's hear — let's hear your poem.

349. "ode to a '67 chevelle."

350. "it t'was a cold September morn'

351. That I found my love inside your horn.

352. I wiped the dip from oft my chin.

353. Your engine roar enticed a grin.

354. With skynyrd on the 8-track blaring,

355. In my lights a deer was staring.

356. I swerved to miss that frightened buck.

357. Smashed my car. Y'all, I'm."

358. Dude, that wasn't even a poem, man.

359. Get out here. What are you talking about?

360. Yeah. But that's reality.

361. Get out of here. All right, next.

362. That was so real life.

363. - Next! - Dude, you're stupid, all right.

364. Title—"how she was like plant killer to me."

365. What?

366. "I bloom, I grow, I bloom, I grow.

367. She kill, she kill, she kill, I die.

368. I live, I bloom, I glow, she kill, I die.

369. She kill, I die."

370. - That's was... - Is that it?

371. Incredible.

372. Oh my gosh, this is—

373. - I die! - Next.

374. "home, 7:45.

375. Breath of new jersey breathe the black gravy

376. That is the milk of my kindergarten desk.

377. Breathing, breathing, breathing as a drag,

378. A drag on my smoke, I'm falling down the cracks.

379. Broke my mother's back, back, back, back in town.

380. The boys are back in town. The boys are back in town."

381. Oh, wow. That was the best one.

382. I can't believe that you buy that stuff.

383. I can't believe you don't like that stuff.

384. Those are the worst poets I've ever heard in my life.

385. And how many poets have you heard in your life?

386. - Thousands. - Yeah. Sure, man.

387. That was real life.

388. If you think that's real life,

389. You need to get a real life, dude.

390. Oh, and like— what can you tell me—

391. - Thanks, folks. - What do you know about real life?

392. Thanks, folks.

393. Hello, and welcome to

394. almost the end of the show.

395. Show.

396. - So, hey. - Hey.

397. I like those poets.

398. Hey, you wrong about that, buddy.

399. - You know I like the poets— - the poets sucked.

400. - You're gonna start into me about the poets. - The poets sucked.

401. Don't start with— I hate that voice you use

402. That anteater voice when you start—

403. Anyone— anyone can be a—

404. Anyone can be a poet.

405. Yeah, I know.

406. Anyone can be a poet, you know that?

407. - You know that I know that. - So do you wanna be poets?

408. Yes.

409. Hey, all you hip cats and chicks out there

410. - In daddy-o land.

411. We're comin' to you live from the keroac mocha cave cafe.

412. Sifl.

413. Olly.

414. Keep the rhythm. Keep the beat.

415. Keep those crabs off the beach.

416. And keep it cool, daddy-o.

417. All you squares out there, take care with those crabs.

418. Slow down.

419. Speed up, speed up, slow down!

420. - Hush. - Rock.

421. You gotta to keep it cool, cats.

422. Bring it to the muffler guy. I don't know.

423. I'm not that guy.

424. $29 in the back of my blue, blue jeans.

425. Loud, soft, loud, soft.

426. Picture, good.

427. Now I'm near.

428. Now I'm far!

429. And now sifl and olly.

430. - Hi, welcome to the show.

431. My name's sifl, and this is my friend olly.

432. So, um... Did you get all your photos back?

433. What's that noise?

434. hi, I'm a bug.

435. And I'm— I landed on the microphone.

436. And I'm the first bug on tv.

437. I'm a bug on tv.

438. Uh...

439. I'm a bug on tv!

440. I think you need to go.

441. Before I— we slap you.

442. Hey, hey, sifl.

443. I'm a bug on tv!

444. Later!

445. Okay.

446. I don't know how to feel about that.

447. Hey, everybody, how are you doing?

448. Welcome to the interview part of the show.

449. Today, we're gonna be talking—

450. Hey, dude, dude?

451. - Huh? - Do you— do you have cable?

452. No.

453. How do you watch our show then?

454. What show?

455. N-never mind.

456. But actually, no, wait, wait, cody has cable.

457. I mean, I've seen cable. I watch it his van and stuff.

458. Oh, have you seen that stv thing?

459. Yes. Yes, I have.

460. That network that shows music videos all day, right?

461. No. That's the one that we're on.

462. Huh?

463. No— forget it.

464. But there's— there's this thing called stv.

465. - Okay. - And it's this, like, new cable network.

466. And you will totally dig it 'cause it's violent.

467. No, I don't know about that. What's the "s" stand for?

468. Stv.

469. Smoosh television.

470. Aw, yeah.

471. Coming up next—

472. Piсata full of beans, baby, beans.

473. Here's one for you.

474. You ready? Stop meditating.

475. - Okay, hi, everybody. - Why.

476. You know, pop music you might think

477. Is the most popular in the world, but actually,

478. - It's world music. - World music.

479. - That's the most popular in the world. - Definitely.

480. So we want to share and sort of broaden

481. The whole music spectrum on this channel

482. And really open up the ancient language

483. Of the tubacclian monks and show you

484. The severe karmic energy that can be opened up

485. In the ancient language.

486. Yeah, we took a trip about four months ago to the east indies

487. And met up with this crazy tribe, and they—

488. - And it was a tribe— - the elders—

489. Yeah, the elders taught us the—

490. Taught us song through carvings and severe stillness.

491. It was intense. Let's do it for them.

492. It takes a little bit of appreciation,

493. - But listen up. - Okay, you ready?

494. Remember your purity will transcend

495. Through your whole life

496. And maybe in your urine for like three or four days.

497. The answer is...

498. Chubby checker checked—

499. Chubby checker cashed his check plucking chickens.

500. Chubby checker cashed his check plucking chickens, chubby—

501. The answer is chubby checker

502. - Because he was a— - olly: Chicken plucker.

503. What did you cook last night?

504. It's just, uh—

505. You left — there's some weird stuff that was out.

506. It wasn't— it wasn't meal.

507. It was just— we were doing this thing

508. For this magazine where we are trying

509. To photograph food that the ingredients,

510. The first letter of all the ingredients

511. Spell out a name of a famous actor.

512. And then we had to turn the food—

513. - Make a sculpture of the actor— - out of the food.

514. So, so— wait—

515. - So we had— - you you need to find, like.

516. A food for every letter

517. That spells out the name of a famous actor?

518. - Yeah. - Or is it just one food that—

519. No, you have to find out—

520. It's one food that ingredients equals an actor's name.

521. I mean, it's— it can be really difficult.

522. Hey, dude, we gotta go to precious roy.

523. Oh.

524. Hi, folks, welcome to the precious roy

525. Home shopping netwerk.

526. Now, if you keep up with the news,

527. You know backyard fun is back in style.

528. And you're probably thinking, sifl and olly, I love my pool,

529. But I wish it went down forever.

530. I wanna dive to depths that will kill me.

531. Folks, the precious roy bottomless pool.

532. Just take— chill out with all this, would you?

533. Sifl, how many front teeth

534. Do you think had been knocked out due to shallow pools?

535. I don't know, but you do know I've had

536. Real troubles with my front teeth.

537. You've had serious-ass front-teeth troubles.

538. Folks, 30 teeth knocked out. No.

539. More than 50 teeth have been knocked out

540. Due to shallow pools.

541. Let's take some calls now and learn about how—

542. The wonderful fun people are having

543. With these precious roy bottomless pools.

544. Okay, that's great. Caller?

545. Hey, this is louie from brooklyn,

546. Hi, louie.

547. You know, I really like this bottomless pool,

548. But you have any idea

549. How long it takes to clean this thing?

550. I mean, it's bottomless, you know?

551. Uh, yeah.

552. And another thing, where the

553. Am I gonna find a pool boy who'll for like infinity,

554. - You know? - I don't know.

555. Let's take another call.

556. This is sanchez calling now, man.

557. I just wanna tell you about that bottomless pool,

558. You know, that pinchy thing,

559. I keep putting the chlorine, though.

560. And then I check the pinchy ph, you know?

561. And it says put in more, and then I put in more.

562. And then I realize it's bottomless, man.

563. And I put in more, and then I realize

564. I'm out of money man, cause I—

565. This is thing is bottomless, I got no more money left.

566. - Oh— - what does "pinchy" mean?

567. Pinchy, you know man, pinchy.

568. Okay, um, let's talk to precious roy now.

569. Precious roy's bottomless pools, let's hear it.

570. This is precious roy.

571. When do we get to see your sister's underwear?

572. Precious roy? Bottomless pools.

573. Taste like cheap lotion.

574. Suckers!

575. That means "welcome to 'calls from the public.'"

576. That means "caller, go ahead."

577. Yeah, this is eddie from jersey.

578. You guys are suckers!

579. Yeah, sock it to them, eddie.

580. What? Hey, sifl.

581. Yeah? You're a rotten slouch bag egg ass.

582. - You tell them, eddie. - Yeah, you're an egg ass.

583. - Yeah, you're an idiot. - Do you guys—

584. Do you guys have anything better to do than prank call?

585. Yeah, I can prank call your ass again.

586. I'm eddie.

587. - I know. - You guys are in trouble.

588. You know that we can see you, right?

589. Hey, I ain't eddie.

590. What are you— what are you guys doing here?

591. I gotta go.

592. Yeah, you better go. We better take the next call.

593. Caller, go ahead.

594. Greetings from illume.

595. Whoa.

596. Hi, illume. What's your question?

597. It's the most splendid day for our kingdom.

598. The prophecy was true.

599. You are just as the elders described.

600. - Great, that's excellent. - What?

601. - What the hell is your question? - Yeah.

602. It is prophecy.

603. What's— what's prophecy?

604. Do you know this is the "sifl and olly show?"

605. Oh, I'm— I'm sorry. I must have the wrong number.

606. Good day.

607. - Okay. Thanks a lot. - Thanks.

608. Next caller.

609. - Olly, it's your mom. - Hi, mom.

610. - Hey, mrs. O. - Hi, sifl.

611. - How you doing? - Olly?

612. - What? - You left your jacket here,

613. And I found a pack of cigarettes in the pocket.

614. I was holding it for sifl.

615. Sifl would never do that.

616. That's right, smoking is a bad disgusting habit.

617. You hear that, viewers at home?

618. Um, just throw them away. I don't care.

619. I don't know whose they are though.

620. I did throw them away.

621. - Oh. - I can't believe you, dude.

622. Well, we gotta go, mom.

623. We're doing our show and everything, so—

624. - Yeah. Thanks for calling though. - Yeah, okay.

625. - Bye, sifl. - Bye.

626. - Dude, you owe me a pack a smokes. - Oh, man.

627. Hello there. We're gonna talk to chester now.

628. - Hey man. - Hey.

629. Hey, dude. Do you— do you exercise?

630. Yeah.

631. Every day.

632. What do— what do you do?

633. - Run. - Really?

634. Yeah. I run a lot.

635. Wait, chester, chasing the ice cream truck doesn't—

636. Doesn't count.

637. Yeah, yeah, it does.

638. No. That— that doesn't.

639. I mean, you chase that thing all over the town.

640. Yeah, I know. It's a lot of running.

641. Have you ever— have you ever even caught?

642. Yeah, I caught got it today.

643. - You did? - Yeah.

644. What did you— what did you get?

645. What do you mean?

646. What did you get?

647. Nothing.

648. Well, why were you chasing it all over the town then?

649. I like the song.

650. Makes me feel funny.

651. You didn't even get any ice cream.

652. Why didn't you get any ice cream.

653. - From where? - From the truck, the ice cream truck.

654. Thing has ice cream, too?

655. Yeah.

656. It's amazing.

657. I can't believe that.

658. Yeah, you oughta try it sometime.

659. Wow. Okay.

660. Can I go now?

661. - Sure. - Okay. Bye.

662. What rocker started out

663. In the entertainment industry as magician david copperfield's

664. First assistant?

665. Find out after the break.

666. Magic man david copperfield's

667. First assistant was bjork.

668. No, it wasn't!

669. Leave bjork out of these facts!

670. All right! All right!

671. Bjork is a mystery not to be questioned

672. Or thought about!

673. Okay, look, we just make all of them up anyways.

674. Bjork is off-limits!

675. I'm heading over to dude's house tonight again.

676. We— all weekend, we've been at this dude's house.

677. This guy's parents are out of town

678. Since like last Wednesday, and we've been there

679. Every single night, and this weekend was so crazy.

680. It was the biggest party I've ever seen in my life.

681. And it was— I'm still sore from it.

682. Yeah. The guy has a big house.

683. He has— the guy has too much money

684. To know what to do with, and we partied right.

685. It was so fun. We had such a good time.

686. Are you going— are you heading back there tonight?

687. - No. - Did you go last night, though?

688. - Didn't you go last night? - Yeah, I went last night.

689. Wasn't it cool again?

690. Well, it started out pretty cool, then it got pretty bad.

691. What happened? Did his parents come home?

692. Well, yeah, his parents found out that—

693. Oh, man. I was ready to go to —

694. Well, they came back early, and then the cops came.

695. - Dude, the cops came? - Yeah.

696. Did people get busted?

697. Oh, boy, did they ever.

698. - So— - oh, man.

699. Yeah, I know, it's kind of lame.

700. So no one's gonna be partying there anymore.

701. I can't believe we're not gonna go to dude's house tonight.

702. I know, and tonight was gonna be disco fresh night.

703. And I'm so sad.

704. So we're gonna have to find somewhere else to hang tonight.

705. Man, you know what this means.

706. Yeah.

707. Good evening. And welcome to the news.

708. Now we have a weather report from our weather correspondent.

709. hello there. And now the weather.

710. - Hey, where's anita? - Oh, I fired her.

711. - What? - She's gone. She's gone.

712. - She was unprofessional— - why did you do that?

713. You just did that 'cause she like—

714. - 'cause I slept with her and she liked me. - Yeah.

715. - You're just jealous. - No.

716. And now the weather.

717. Today it is going—

718. You just you just fired her 'cause I slept with her.

719. Yeah.

720. I'm gonna sleep with the robot tonight.

721. And then you have fire him, too.

722. Okay. Knock yourself out.

723. I love you, olly.

724. Good night, folks. And thank you.

725. If you'll send her another spike-o-gram though—

726. I mean, her— her old house, you ruined two doors

727. Sending her spike-o-grams.

728. They don't even— I mean, they cost so much money,

729. And all it does is wreck the person's door

730. And then they got to spend money.

731. Anyone I'm sending a spike-o-gram

732. Has enough money to buy a new door.

733. I mean this is something that's has been going on in town a lot.

734. - I know, but— - it's not so offensive as it sounds.

735. All you're doing is ruining each other's front doors.

736. Well, but it's fun, you know. I mean—

737. How can you manage to hire a guy to hammer the spike

738. Into the door without the people in home hearing it?

739. Well, they— oh, they hear it.

740. They're shot through a cannon, actually.

741. From the street?

742. - Yeah, from the street. - Jeez.

743. Okay, we're gonna do an interview now, folks.

744. hello.

745. This is the interview part of the show.

746. And today, we have an incredible guest.

747. If you watch our show regularly,

748. You know that we've been trying to interview the solar system,

749. Which has been really difficult, but today,

750. We've got the big daddy of 'em all, the sun,

751. And it's huge.

752. So this is a one-in-a-lifetime interview, believe me.

753. So now, we're gonna go, I think, to the sun and—

754. Dude, I can't believe that you managed to swing this one.

755. This is excellent.

756. Mm. He cancelled, dude.

757. What?

758. He cancelled. I don't know, he's—

759. Cancelled.

760. How come everything you book cancels?

761. Hey, man, man, I don't know. It's the sun, dude.

762. He's busy. He's the sun.

763. What'd you expect?

764. What are we gonna— okay, I'll be the sun.

765. No. No. You can't be the sun. You're small.

766. No, I'm huge 'cause I'm gonna act and what you're—

767. All you have to do— I'll be the sun.

768. And you'll just pretend like I'm the sun,

769. - And it should be cool. - Fine. Fine. I don't care.

770. This is the last we're ever gonna do this, okay?

771. Okay. I'll be right back!

772. Hello, today we are very honored

773. To have the original, um, sun.

774. - Hello. - Welcome to the show.

775. Thank you.

776. So you're basically— you're star matter, basically.

777. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm the biggest star.

778. - I'm the biggest star. - And you're very bright.

779. Why— why isn't that affecting me right now

780. And the viewing audience?

781. Um, I'm wearing sunblock right now.

782. We also understand that— stars—

783. Well, specifically you, the sun...

784. Mm-hmm.

785. Are very dense.

786. So— whereas my body may weigh, you know, 150 pounds.

787. Yeah. Sure.

788. Your body, which looks to be about the size of mine,

789. Actually weighs more around 150 million pounds.

790. Yeah, that's right.

791. I've actually lost a little weight though, and um—

792. How do you hold yourself up?

793. 'cause you have an incredible posture for a star.

794. Thank you. Thank you.

795. - Thanks. - Okay.