Shrinking 2x8

1. I just think we should tell my dad that we've been talking to you, Louis.

2. - I agree. - I do too.

3. When we tell Jimmy, if he comes at us,

4. I'm gonna do that thing you're supposed to do when a bear attacks.

5. I'm gonna stand my ground, make myself really big

6. and then I'm gonna clap really loudly.

7. Oh, dear.

8. Stand clear...

9. What's her story?

10. Her?

11. She is the most sought-after OB-GYN in Pasadena.

12. Recently, she lost her wedding ring inside one of her patients.

13. Aren't they meant to wear gloves?

14. She says she can't feel anything when she wears gloves.

15. She's a real artist.

16. - Okay, what about this guy? Sorry. - No pointing.

17. - Frankie, you fucking dipshit. - He's a hired assassin.

18. He's calling his boss to say he missed the target.

19. I will fucking end you!

20. He's so mad he didn't get to murder today.

21. You think he's lonely?

22. No. He lives with his mom.

23. And she always tells him,

24. "I don't care how many you kill, as long as you tried your best."

25. So sweet.

26. It's very sweet.

27. When I move in with you, are we gonna stop doing this?

28. What? Let you wait for a train on your own?

29. What would you do? Read?

30. You know I can't read.

31. Yeah. Good.

32. I'm never gonna stop doing this. Best part of my day.

33. Cowboy! It's, like, a real cowboy.

34. Morning.

35. Hi.

36. Sorry.

37. That's a real cowboy.

38. Yeah. A real cowboy's really gonna kill us.

39. Shit! Fuck! Your hands are so cold!

40. I was making moves.

41. Okay. Well, I want moves.

42. You can use my body to warm your hands.

43. Yay!

44. I know. So cold. Freezing.

45. Okay.

46. Are you guys still awake?

47. Cockblocker.

48. Come in.

49. - Hi! - Hey.

50. My friend sent me this song and I have to show you guys.

51. That's awesome. A listening party.

52. - Okay. - Was this friend the same boy

53. - that drove you home from practice? - Mom.

54. I'm sorry. What boy?

55. - Nobody. Mom! - Nobody?

56. Oh, come on. Name? Age?

57. - Do you have a class together? - Dylan doesn't go to my school.

58. Dylan.

59. Dylan from another school?

60. - Very 90210 vibes. - Dyl-pickle.

61. - Do you love him? - Can I ask his dad out for a brewski?

62. - Oh, my God. I'm leaving now. - Bring him over.

63. - No, sweetie! Yeah, we're fun parents. - We're fun! Come on.

64. Don't look at us like that.

65. - Bye! - Bye!

66. Knew that would get rid of her.

67. She's so amazing.

68. Yeah, she's medium.

69. Promise me we're not gonna mess that up.

70. She's the best thing we ever done.

71. I promise.

72. Oh, my God.

73. How are your hands so cold again already?

74. I'm just over it.

75. You know, Paul told his golden boy, Jimmy, he has Parkinson's,

76. but he still won't tell me.

77. Whatever, it's his loss.

78. I've been reading up on Parkinson's, and it causes dry skin and dehydration.

79. That's like Black lady 101. I could be his, like, cocoa butter Sherpa.

80. Can we talk about a real problem now?

81. That guy that you set me up with? Charlie? Rock-hard pass.

82. What? He's, like, one of the hottest people I've ever seen in my whole life.

83. What's wrong with him?

84. Well, he accused me of not asking him anything about his life, which isn't true.

85. I asked him which of my stories was his favorite.

86. - Cool. - He wasn't interested in you either.

87. Now I must have him.

88. I'll see if he wants to go out again. I'll ask him questions about himself.

89. It's not that hard. I can do it.

90. - Oh, hey. - Hey, Brian.

91. - It's Gaby, right? - Yeah.

92. Tia, I was gonna tell you,

93. if you need a PSAT tutor for Alice, I've got a great one. Connor loved her.

94. - Cool. Thanks, Liz. - Yeah.

95. - Bye. - Bye.

96. See ya.

97. She's such a mom.

98. Quiet.

99. I met her at your New Year's Eve party.

100. She was so judgy, it was like talking to an old drag queen.

101. I loved her.

102. - I bet you did. You're an old drag queen. - Yeah, I am.

103. What would your drag name be?

104. Erin Cockavich.

105. - 'Cause I'm a lawyer. - Oh, yeah. We know.

106. You talk about it every damn day.

107. That is it. I'm officially moved in.

108. All right.

109. Quick question, is my stuff under your stuff or gone forever?

110. It's actually gone forever.

111. And you wanna know the weirdest part?

112. You don't even miss it.

113. You're right. I never cared for my stuff.

114. Good.

115. There's just one thing.

116. One little, teeny tiny thing.

117. It's actually not that tiny. It's kind of, like, this size.

118. Don't you dare go anywhere near Sandy.

119. - Sandy. - You don't get to call her that.

120. - You show some respect. - It's very weird that a grown man's

121. favorite movie is Miss Congeniality, and I'm having sex with him.

122. You just don't get it 'cause you're pretty.

123. You never had to go through a makeover montage

124. to discover you were beautiful all along.

125. All I heard was you saying I was beautiful.

126. That's pretty much all I said.

127. So, how do we do this?

128. We have weekly sessions and then I text you if something comes up before then? Or...

129. I actually like to keep our work inside the office.

130. Boundaries are an important part of the therapeutic relationship.

131. Not loving your vibe.

132. But I don't know, maybe this is stupid.

133. You know, you're probably gonna tell me I don't even need therapy.

134. No. No, no, no.

135. I mean, you listed quite a few compulsive behaviors here on the intake form.

136. It's the repetition. Inside-outside clothes?

137. - Yeah. - Always keeping your phone charged

138. to exactly 17%.

139. Seventeen is a prime number, so...

140. So is 97.

141. Fuck!

142. Doesn't anybody in this country have any pride in their job anymore?

143. You having a good morning, Paul?

144. This kid named Brayden fucked up my bagel order.

145. And I... When I told him that he used the wrong cream cheese,

146. he just said, "My bad."

147. Was it a blowy-offy, "My bad"? Or was it more like, "My bad"?

148. The second. Who gives a shit?

149. I have a teenager. That's the sincerest form of apology from a young person.

150. Seriously?

151. Then I'm glad we ruined the planet for them.

152. That's nice, Paul.

153. Good morning.

154. - Hey. - Hi.

155. Your hand looks a little shaky. Everything okay?

156. No, it's fine. I'm...

157. I'm just not sleeping that well.

158. Okay. Well, make sure your bedroom's cold and no phone before bed.

159. Dude, when are you gonna stop being a tall, dumb bitch and make him tell me?

160. I was trying, Gaby.

161. Didn't you see me imploring him with my eyes?

162. Is that what you were doing?

163. 'Cause to me it looked like you were begging to crawl further up his ass.

164. I don't beg him for that, Gaby. He just puts me there.

165. Thank you very much for that. That was great.

166. Guys, that was so fun. I'm so glad we finally did that.

167. - I know. So great to meet you. - And you guys got to meet.

168. - Yeah. - I knew you guys were gonna get along.

169. I'll send you that article about cashew farmers.

170. - You're gonna love it. - Of course.

171. - Bye! - Bye.

172. Hey, I drank too much wine. Let's take a Lyft, okay?

173. No, I'll drive. I only had two and I barely touched this one.

174. We'll just leave the car and get it in the morning.

175. No, I got work early. We're, like, a mile away.

176. - Are you stealing that? - They're so cute.

177. Go, go, go, go.

178. - You guys gotta do that boys' night soon. - Oh, yeah.

179. Absolutely never gonna happen.

180. Stop.

181. I really love you, you know.

182. You're so getting laid tonight.

183. Let's go home.

184. - I didn't tell you? - No!

185. Can I have some peanut butter?

186. Sure.

187. You just gonna... you gonna take the whole thing?

188. - Yeah. - Family size, but okay.

189. Hey.

190. What the fuck are you doing here?

191. I thought you were staying over at Summer's tonight.

192. That was last night.

193. Is this your daughter?

194. - Do you want some dinner, sweetie? - No, I'm fine.

195. Are you sure? Danica's not only a thief,

196. but she's also putting herself through culinary school, so...

197. I'll figure something out.

198. Fine.

199. She's nice.

200. Don't worry about it. I'm so happy you're here.

201. It's Taco Tuesday.

202. Derek, don't eat that. That's Alice's plate.

203. My mistake. I thought it was mine.

204. - Yeah, it's not. Okay. - Yeah.

205. Okay.

206. - Please. - Thank you.

207. Of course.

208. Thank you.

209. Thank you.

210. We love you.

211. Hey, Alice, feel free to drink that soda I cracked for you too.

212. No, ignore him.

213. - What? - What?

214. So, I just got off the phone with your lawyer about the plea deal.

215. Even though it's a year, it could be ten months with good behavior.

216. I'm gonna visit you every single weekend, and I'm even gonna come after work.

217. I don't wanna be alone so I'm gonna stay with my parents.

218. Just for a few days.

219. Dad? I have a soccer game tomorrow.

220. Can you drive me?

221. I wish I could, yeah.

222. I have a bunch of work stuff I have to do, so...

223. Let me see if I can get Liz to take you.

224. I don't want you to visit me.

225. I don't want you to ever come back here.

226. - Go and have your own life. - What?

227. No. Your life is my life.

228. Come on.

229. We can get dinner after,

230. some hot chicken sandwiches

231. or anything.

232. We're gonna get through this.

233. We're not.

234. It's over.

235. I made the worst mistake of my life,

236. and every time I look at you, that is all I'm ever gonna see.

237. Soon though. Soon.

238. Like, the next one.

239. There's nothing you can do to change that.

240. If you really care about me,

241. just go.

242. Dad...

243. I need you.

244. I can't.

245. Okay.

246. Was anyone eavesdropping on our conversation?

247. Because I'm gonna need someone to come with us

248. and swear that we just said we'd tell him everything.

249. Anyone?

250. It's not as bad as it looked.

251. What the fuck, Brian?

252. Did you seriously think—

253. What is that? What are you doing?

254. That's my bear clap. I can't believe it actually worked.

255. Dad, don't be mad at Brian. This is all my fault.

256. After you said Louis showed up, I just couldn't let it go.

257. I spied on him.

258. And then I told Paul,

259. and he made me promise not to talk to him, but I did that anyway.

260. And, Dad, it was weird at first, but then it was actually nice.

261. Nice?

262. Brian, how did you even get involved in this?

263. I... Okay. All right, I think I can still do this.

264. So he came here,

265. and I was like, "Get away from this family. Scram!"

266. And he was like, "Sorry."

267. But he seemed wounded, more like, "Sorry."

268. And I was like, "Are you okay?"

269. And he said, "Yes." But I could tell he wasn't.

270. I'm going through a super empathetic stage

271. because Charlie and I decided to have a baby.

272. If it's a girl, we're gonna name her Sutton Foster.

273. And if it's a boy, obviously, Foster Sutton.

274. Anyway, I was freaked out,

275. so I went to the coffee shop where he works.

276. Not to see him, just to ask if he was okay.

277. And his boss is this kinda Tony Soprano guy, only hotter.

278. You know, kind of a "he'd rough you up but also be a really good kisser."

279. Stay away from guys like that.

280. So I asked the boss about Louis, and he says, "Yeah, he's super depressed.

281. He's kind of a downer, but you can't fire people for being a bummer.

282. Fucking cancel culture, am I right?"

283. Next thing I know, he calls Louis over and we start talking and,

284. Jimmy, his life is bleak.

285. Like Requiem for a Dream bleak.

286. And not the middle part where they're enjoying the heroin.

287. The end, where everyone's ass to ass and you realize heroin's no fun at all.

288. He has no friends.

289. No one to talk to.

290. He's suffering.

291. So I took a walk with him, and we talked

292. because I knew I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to help.

293. That's it.

294. So, after I told all that to Alice,

295. she goes, "Like, if you don't, like, take me to see him, I'm telling my daddy."

296. You know, how teenagers talk.

297. So we did, and it went really well

298. because she told him about her mom

299. and about the Goofy hat, and she forgave him.

300. And as far as what you saw tonight, there is a woman named Doris

301. who will swear we were going to tell you everything—

302. - You can be done now. - It's hard to stop once I get going.

303. Okay.

304. I'm gonna need some space

305. to process

306. Brian's one-man show.

307. You're my daughter.

308. If you need me, I'm here for you.

309. Not my daughter. Not here for you. Get out.

310. Love you.

311. Fuck you.

312. I understand.

313. I'm really sorry.

314. See you. Okay.

315. Hey.

316. You forgave him?

317. Yeah.

318. I think you should too.

319. It might be good for both of you.

320. Hey, it's me.

321. Call me if you want.

322. I miss you.

323. Okay, bye.

324. Is this one of D-Train's famous egg sammie-wammies?

325. Sorry. It's on store-bought bread, but I forgot my sourdough starter.

326. Consider it a thank you for letting me crash here.

327. Dude, of course.

328. You know I love you and Liz. I support the both of you.

329. - I know. - What are you gonna do?

330. Are you gonna go see that guy?

331. And do what?

332. I don't know. Get in his face.

333. Bump his chest with your chest, get in really close,

334. breathe hot air into each other's mouths.

335. - That's what straights do in movies. - Okay, so just to be clear,

336. your advice is for him to go see the guy who kissed Liz and then maybe fuck him?

337. Yeah. That'd definitely show him.

338. - Yeah. - D-Train, don't listen to him.

339. This is a good opportunity for you to focus on self-care.

340. You know, some people take baths.

341. Me, personally, I melt down a pint of ice cream

342. and stick a straw in it and drink it like a Capri-Sun.

343. What about you?

344. I like to look at pictures of old cars, think about fixing 'em up.

345. - Same. - Fun.

346. Yeah. Or nap. I dig naps.

347. I'm gonna go get you my weighted blanket.

348. It feels like you're being crushed to death by a boulder,

349. but, like, in a peaceful way. It's awesome.

350. - Thank you. - Uh-huh.

351. Good?

352. So...

353. You think I should go confront this guy?

354. I don't know. Depends.

355. Will you sleep well tonight if you don't?

356. Bye!

357. All right. Okay.

358. Oh, no. Where is he? What did you do?

359. Nuh-uh. I blame you.

360. You left me alone with him.

361. I couldn't sleep again last night.

362. Always makes my tremors worse.

363. You know, it's funny how your tremors always end up with you grabbing my breast.

364. That's not a tremor. That's a proposition.

365. I'm just feeling off.

366. Starting to forget things.

367. So what's the plan?

368. I called Dr. Sykes. I'm going in today.

369. Good.

370. You okay or are you a little scared?

371. I wouldn't know. I've never been scared.

372. But you look a little nervous. Maybe you should come too.

373. Oh, God.

374. What? You said you wanted me to be more vulnerable.

375. This is what that looks like.

376. Dig it in. Enjoy.

377. I love it,

378. but we decided that I wouldn't go with you to your appointments.

379. Well, I was hoping your memory also sucked.

380. Come here.

381. You're a very brave boy and I'm proud of you.

382. Thanks.

383. Whatever your name is.

384. I know it's not my day, so thanks for giving me a few minutes.

385. Jorge comes in soon, and I just don't wanna fuck up.

386. So I thought you guys could give me some tips on what to do and what not to do.

387. I'll cover the what-to-do part.

388. Jimmy's better at the what-not-to-do.

389. Careful, Paul. I'm pissed at you.

390. You're late.

391. I know I am and I'm sorry, but...

392. How is it that I came in here angry at you and now I'm the one apologizing?

393. You've discovered my superpower.

394. Hey, man. I'm really excited to talk about Jorge,

395. but do you mind if I take a quick second to rip Paul a new one?

396. That sounds like it'll be fun to watch.

397. How could you not tell me that Alice saw the guy who killed Tia?

398. - Uh-oh. - Oh, yeah.

399. Big uh-oh.

400. Drop the attitude.

401. What attitude?

402. - That attitude! - Okay. Fair enough.

403. Alice is my patient.

404. I didn't tell you anything because she's 18 years old.

405. She's an adult.

406. She's 17, Paul. Her birthday is in a couple weeks.

407. My bad.

408. Wow. I felt that.

409. Listen, I told Alice not to talk to the guy and she didn't listen.

410. We both know shit happens.

411. I don't think you're that mad at me.

412. I don't think you're even really that mad at Alice.

413. So why don't you figure out what it is that you're so mad about?

414. Damn. Mic drop.

415. Do not say mic drop. That is not a mic drop.

416. Paul, don't you dare drop that imaginary microphone.

417. I am not in the mood.

418. - Drop it, drop it. Do it, do it. - Don't you do it, Paul. Don't do it!

419. You two don't need to be here. I'm fine.

420. Drop the tough girl act.

421. We're rock sisters, or whatever you call it.

422. It's the Covenant of the Rock.

423. Whatever. You guys know rock sisters sounds better.

424. Liz, look, you check on people you love.

425. I gotta go to work, so Alice is gonna do first shift,

426. then I'll send reinforcements, okay?

427. Does she know what I did?

428. Yes, but I can pretend not to.

429. Liz, I went viral for being a cheater and I got punched in the tit.

430. Can't argue with that. That's grown woman shit.

431. All right, I'm sorry. I gotta go, but Alice, good luck.

432. - Are you hungry? - No.

433. - Do you wanna watch a movie? - Too sad.

434. What if we pretended that you had a daughter

435. and you could braid my hair and give me life advice?

436. - That might be all right. - Okay.

437. Okay.

438. Don't ever take your phone into the bathroom, it's disgusting.

439. Super germy. Good advice.

440. And you have to wear sunscreen even when it's cloudy.

441. - Okay. - And it really needs to be reapplied

442. every two hours or else you'll look old before you're old.

443. Okay.

444. Figured I might be seeing you.

445. Fuck you.

446. Sounds about right. Want a beer?

447. No.

448. Just in case.

449. Wanna kick the shit out of me?

450. I don't know.

451. You're being very hospitable for an asshole.

452. I try.

453. Goddamn it.

454. I was gonna throw this in your face but it's delicious.

455. Thanks.

456. Thought it'd be nice if I hung 'em someplace people could see 'em.

457. Bet she loved that.

458. I never even looked at 'em.

459. You know what, man? You should be gloating.

460. She just fucking loves you.

461. Still the coolest woman I've ever met.

462. And I know I'll...

463. I'll never have anything like that.

464. Come on, man. There's still time. Don't give up.

465. What am I doing?

466. I'm outta here.

467. - Is that apricot? - Hint of honey.

468. It's amazing.

469. I'm gonna finish this.

470. You leave.

471. Fair enough.

472. Gaby's green tea in the afternoon It's so tasty 'cause it's green

473. There you are. Can you give me a ride to my neurologist?

474. Sorry, I have a patient.

475. Maybe Sean can give me a ride.

476. Look at me. I'm not driving.

477. Well, we could take a Lyft together.

478. - Is it on the way? - Come with me and find out.

479. What the fuck's happening?

480. Sean, the downside of having all of the women in your life

481. encourage you to be more emotionally evolved,

482. is that now you know when you want a friend to go with you to the doctor,

483. but because you grew up in the 1700s, you don't know how to ask for it.

484. So instead you kind of just make it super weird for everybody.

485. I have no idea what the fuck she's talking about.

486. You know, I've been meaning to swing by your doctor's office.

487. Let's go together.

488. Well, only if you wanna.

489. He'd love to. Go.

490. When I said I would meet you anywhere,

491. I didn't know it would be half an hour away looking for rocks.

492. Well, you shouldn't have said anywhere.

493. Wait, let me see... Jackpot.

494. - Okay. - It's an agate.

495. See how they look rough on the outside? And then here's waxy finish.

496. I mean, that looks pretty similar to the other side.

497. No, it's... It does not!

498. This is the best one.

499. See, the daddy's out here somewhere.

500. The daddy?

501. This can't be real, right? This is not a real thing that you do.

502. This is real. This is for real.

503. Oh, my God.

504. Oh, my God, I think I found one!

505. I did!

506. Liz, see? Look at it sparkle and shine in the sun.

507. No.

508. Well, now I hate rocks.

509. Look, I know that Gaby told you to come check on me.

510. Yeah. Yeah, she did.

511. That's not why I'm here though.

512. I'm actually here 'cause I'm pissed at you.

513. - At me? - Yeah.

514. Liz, whenever someone in your life is hurting, you dive right in.

515. You did it for me, for Gaby, Paul, Sean, Alice—

516. Stop listing names.

517. Well, when it was our turn to help you, you didn't let us.

518. Pretty selfish, right?

519. He's not gonna forgive me, Jimmy.

520. Maybe.

521. But I do think that sometimes the idea of forgiving someone

522. feels, like, impossible.

523. Then you realize that the villain in your story

524. is just a person who made a big mistake.

525. Yeah.

526. Question for you, by the way, you ever gonna get me a rock one day?

527. Well, you said you hated rocks, and they heard you.

528. Did you hear me, little ro... I found one!

529. Liz, I found another one.

530. This one's smooth, like you said. It's waxy.

531. No.

532. You suck.

533. So, this is...

534. this is where you do your thing.

535. - Yes. - Yeah.

536. Look, therapy wasn't a part of my world growing up.

537. Closest I got was some old janitor who told me,

538. "Boys don't have emotions." Then he tried to kiss me.

539. Well, I'm glad you're here.

540. You know what's crazy?

541. Liz is the one who messed up.

542. So how come I feel like such a...

543. a piece of shit?

544. You want therapist Gaby or friend Gaby first?

545. - Friend. - Okay.

546. Derek, you are an incredible person.

547. You're kind, you're loyal, and holy shitballs, dude,

548. what do you put in that head of hair of yours?

549. Now I'm gonna switch into therapist Gaby.

550. I have had so many married patients that are exactly where you are,

551. and honestly, this stuff never comes out of nowhere.

552. I knew she was in a bad place.

553. But we've been married forever.

554. Do you know how many times she has been down over trivial things,

555. like getting kicked off a committee after she offended everybody on the committee.

556. - She is not a committee gal. - No, she's not.

557. But it doesn't matter what got her down, she always pulled herself out.

558. - But did she reach out this time? - Kind of.

559. She said she felt like she was underwater.

560. And people underwater usually are...

561. Snorkeling and looking at cool stuff?

562. No.

563. They're drowning.

564. So Liz told you she was drowning and what did you say?

565. I told her she should get a grilled cheese truck.

566. Derek.

567. Goddamn it. How did this become my fault all of a sudden?

568. - I... - It's not.

569. And you know what, you are justified with whatever you choose to do.

570. But, Derek, y'all been married for, like, what, 26 years?

571. Yeah, yeah.

572. You ever make any mistakes?

573. Nothing like this.

574. Not even close.

575. - God, this sucks. - Yeah. It really sucks.

576. But you're gonna figure it out.

577. I know it.

578. You and that mysterious head of hair.

579. It's olive oil and lemon.

580. What, really? I put that on my salads.

581. Thank you.

582. Of course.

583. Good to see you, Paul.

584. And your...

585. - Friend. - Sean.

586. Hey, Sean.

587. Oh, shoot. Give me a sec to grab your file.

588. First Julie, now her?

589. Are all neurologists hot or is it just yours?

590. Don't flirt with her.

591. I'm not allowed. You're not allowed.

592. Damn, Paul. Chill.

593. - You chill. - Okay.

594. Last time you were here for the dizziness.

595. We're getting close to the highest dosage on your meds,

596. - so we don't have a lot of room there. - Yeah.

597. - How are they holding? - So far so good.

598. But I haven't been sleeping that well lately.

599. Could be stress, could be midnight hot wings.

600. I don't know, but...

601. but you said for my brain, not getting enough sleep

602. was like pouring kerosene on a brush fire.

603. So I guess it's no surprise there's some mild...

604. memory issues too.

605. So I thought I'd come in.

606. - Do some PMCS. - What?

607. Preventative Maintenance Checks and Services.

608. I was in the military too.

609. No shit. What branch?

610. "What branch?" What did I say about flirting?

611. I don't mind.

612. Were you a Navy SEAL? You look like a Navy SEAL.

613. - Well, actually, I— - All right. You're done.

614. Look, I have a lot of things and people in my life that I love.

615. So I wanna stay as sharp as I can for as long as I possibly can.

616. If there's something else that I ca... that I could be doing,

617. let me know, 'cause...

618. I'll do anything.

619. Well, especially considering the sleep issues...

620. - Yeah. - ... the one thing

621. you absolutely have to stop doing is drinking.

622. What else you got?

623. Oh, hey.

624. Are you getting stuff or are you ho...

625. Are you home?

626. Because I really want you to be home. I'm so sorry.

627. Just let me talk, okay?

628. You screwed up.

629. I know.

630. But I wasn't present, and I should've been.

631. And I'm sorry for that.

632. Really, the only thing that could make me feel worse is you apologizing to me.

633. Then I've done my job.

634. Who else is coming for dinner?

635. Just some idiots I thought you might like to see.

636. - Hey, Mom. - Hi. It's all of you!

637. Hi. Hi!

638. Oh, my God.

639. Sorry, we forgot it was your birthday.

640. It's not my birthday.

641. - Thank you. - Oh, Mom.

642. - Thank you. - Worth the trip.

643. Happy birthday to you

644. Happy birthday to you

645. Cha-cha-cha!

646. I'm glad you called. Come in.

647. I'm really grateful you came here.

648. - That's a good movie. - Yeah. Holds up.

649. - Does it? - Yeah.

650. I haven't seen it in a while.

651. Can I get you a water or a tea, or...

652. You don't have to do anything.

653. Okay.

654. Look, I forgive you.

655. I want you to go on with your life and I want that to be okay.

656. I do need you to do something for me though.

657. - Yeah. Anything. - Cool.

658. I don't ever wanna fucking see you again.

659. Do you understand?

660. I don't want you to see my daughter anymore.

661. I don't want you to see my friends.

662. I need you to disappear from my fucking life.

663. Okay? Can you do that for me?

664. Of course.

665. Thank you.

666. He returns.

667. We are waiting for him to speak.

668. His words are coming so soon.

669. Brian, less weirdness.

670. How'd it go?

671. I forgave him.

672. I'm so glad.

673. Oh, my God. What a relief.

674. I was so afraid he'd be mad, and I'd just start talking and talking

675. and not be able to stop—

676. - Wow. That's really terrifying. - Yeah, it was supposed to be.

677. Wait.

678. I'm supposed to believe you hooked up with two women?

679. - I'm calling bullshit. - It happened.

680. No girl has ever liked you.

681. Plus you're making up some girl named Summer.

682. - Summer. - I didn't... Okay, let's fucking stop.

683. - I didn't make up Summer. - Was she hot?

684. - Summer was cute. - Well, Summer has to be...

685. - Like Summer hot? - Winter was cold though, right?

686. Yeah, Winter was cold.

687. Figured out who I was really mad at.

688. Wasn't him.

689. I am aware.

690. It was me.

691. Please do not say "I'm aware" again.

692. I really want to.

693. I think that everybody hopes

694. that they're the kind of person who comes through if the shit ever hits the fan.

695. And I wasn't.

696. And Alice really needed me.

697. I let her down so bad.

698. So I think that when I see that guy...

699. I'm forced to see what a fucking terrible father I am.

700. And how I broke the last promise I made to my wife.

701. This bourbon has traveled on ships around the globe,

702. absorbing the salty sea air from every corner of the Earth.

703. Sea whiskey.

704. Don't call it that.

705. Okay.

706. Tonight...

707. I am having my last drink ever.

708. And I have decided to have it with you.

709. Paul...

710. You think I'll ever be able to forgive myself?

711. Yeah.

712. Yeah, I do.

713. Really?

714. I hope so.

715. Me too.

716. It's exhausting.