Shrinking 2x1

1. Hey, Grace. How you holding up?

2. She won't even talk to me.

3. It's so fucked up.

4. I mean, yes, she's lucky that Donny didn't die,

5. but the doctors don't know if he'll ever walk again.

6. Well, at least he won't have to go on hikes with his coworkers.

7. Paul, if I'm gonna walk this slow, I'm gonna need some positivity.

8. She's probably gonna spend the rest of her life in jail,

9. but she was abused for years.

10. - They'll see that. She'll be okay. - She might not.

11. She has to be.

12. Look, kid.

13. That's the difference between you and me.

14. If my patients don't wind up okay, I'll still be fine.

15. You not so much.

16. This is it.

17. This is the spot where she pushed him.

18. Hey, did you always have this tattoo?

19. No. It's new.

20. Flattered, but why?

21. To remember you by.

22. Boop.

23. You okay?

24. Dude. Did you have a bad dream?

25. No, I just have allergies.

26. That's how I clear my throat.

27. Almost got it.

28. There we go.

29. What are you doing? Just watching me sleep?

30. No. Who watches people sleep?

31. Oh, my God. Do you watch me sleep?

32. No.

33. I mean, not so much since you got a big-girl bed.

34. Jesus Christ.

35. So, the old lady I heard screaming earlier...

36. That was my dad, yes.

37. That tracks. See ya.

38. Sweetie? What you doing?

39. I just like watching her drink.

40. Stalking the neighbor. Got it.

41. Derek, I need you on perv patrol.

42. Okay, bud. We can do this.

43. We can live near a girl and not make it weird.

44. Okay. Give me the update.

45. You're gonna be so proud of me.

46. I haven't bonked Jimmy in, like, three days.

47. Mind you, the first two days

48. I was out of town, and on the third day,

49. I had some low-grade diarrhea I was kind of concerned about.

50. Well, it still counts. Do you want to do your little affirmation?

51. I do not, but make me say it anyway.

52. Do it, you tall, slutty coward.

53. Wow. Okay.

54. "Jimmy's not ready for anything real.

55. It's an uneven dynamic, and it's, like, not healthy for me."

56. Amen.

57. It's just really hard because I got him this shampoo

58. that makes his hair smell like pine tree, and it kind of makes my cooch whistle.

59. No, I get it. I fuck Derek a lot over Christmas.

60. Anyway, I'm pulling up. Gotta go. Love you. Bye.

61. All right. See ya.

62. - Okay. - Now remember, Alice is just a friend.

63. Not someone whose skin you wanna wear.

64. Give it a shot.

65. Hey, Alice.

66. Your skin looks soft.

67. Jesus Christ.

68. - Okay, bud, that's on me. - Yep.

69. I put the idea of skin in your head.

70. That's one of the hottest things I've ever seen.

71. Now it's gonna be the wallpaper on my phone.

72. How did you get in here?

73. You know, she picks you up every day.

74. I gave her the code.

75. Betrayal.

76. Look, dancing is supposed to be good for Parkinson's.

77. I don't even like it.

78. You admit that you love our morning dancing,

79. or it's never gonna happen again.

80. It's my favorite, baby.

81. - Out! - Okay. I'll be in the car.

82. - Bye, Julie. Big fan. Bye. - Bye, Gab.

83. - What? - What?

84. So, Julie's always over.

85. You guys are like roomies with bennies.

86. - I don't know what that means. - Yeah, you do.

87. You guys getting serious?

88. Josie's on vacation far away—

89. Hell no. We're not doing that today.

90. Oh, my gosh. What if there's a wedding?

91. Holy schnikes! Is your dad still alive?

92. 'Cause if not, I will totally walk you down the aisle if you want.

93. I am taking solace in the fact that this day could not get any worse.

94. Paul, I gotta tell you about my dream.

95. I stand corrected.

96. We were hiking, and I think that all of the other hikers were my patients.

97. And you had a tattoo of my name on your arm.

98. But it wasn't all cool stuff.

99. You pushed me off a cliff.

100. Paul, you tried to kill me.

101. You let me in your dream tonight, and I'll do it again.

102. Last time, she barely said a word, so let's try to keep it upbeat.

103. - Okay. - All right?

104. - There she is! - Look at our girl! Gorgeous.

105. Love a monochromatic two-piece.

106. And can I just say, there's something about your skin tone

107. and a harsh fluorescent light that creates magic—

108. Am I too upbeat? I'm too upbeat.

109. Why are you back here again?

110. Grace, this is my friend Brian.

111. Brian is an attorney, and he said that he would take on your case pro bono.

112. - Whatever. - I know. It is exciting.

113. Let's talk a bit about what you're going to say at your next deposition.

114. What's the point?

115. I tried to kill my husband, so I should probably be locked up forever.

116. Well, maybe don't lead with that.

117. Okay. Grace, I promise we're gonna get you through this.

118. Haven't you done enough?

119. I mean, before I met you, I sold houses.

120. Did Pilates. I had platinum status at Yogurtland.

121. Now, I'd have to go trade this barrette for a tampon.

122. - Grace. - Look,

123. I know I had a piece-of-shit husband before

124. but it was better than this.

125. Platinum status is a lot of yogurt.

126. - Brian. - Sorry.

127. I want my Arnold Palmer mostly tea

128. and if I see a single onion on my po'boy, I'm going to freak out.

129. Coming right up.

130. Did you see that?

131. She ordered me around, and I didn't even punch her in the tit.

132. Look at Sean, right. Sean's doing so great.

133. And then Grace is such a fucking disaster.

134. I can't stop obsessing about it.

135. I think that Alice can tell that I'm spinning.

136. She hasn't said anything about it, but I can tell.

137. I can tell that she's worried about me.

138. It's rough to realize your kid knows how fragile you are.

139. I'm not fragile, Paul.

140. I said I'm spinning and obsessing.

141. Okay.

142. Good sandwich.

143. Paul, do you think I fucked up with my patients?

144. Tell me everything. Come on.

145. So you helped a patient dispose of human remains at the Rose Bowl?

146. Ashes, not bones. That would be gross.

147. Look, I know you had concerns when I enrolled Sean in MMA,

148. but listen, I did some research, and there's a guy in San Diego

149. who's been doing this for vets with PTSD since 2012.

150. And yes, Grace had a bad outcome.

151. Husband had a worse outcome.

152. Pattern interruption.

153. It's an established neurolinguistic strategy,

154. and it's not like I told her to hurt Donny.

155. Sure, one could argue that the joke I made

156. about booping him could complicate things at trial.

157. What were your exact words again?

158. "Off the cliff. Bash his brains. Eat them up."

159. I know it doesn't sound funny, Paul,

160. but you gotta imagine I did it in a hilarious Cookie Monster voice.

161. Off the cliff. Bash his brains. Eat them up.

162. I don't need to hear it.

163. I just want you to have all the information

164. 'cause I think I really need to hear you say

165. that I didn't fuck it up with my patients.

166. You didn't.

167. Thanks. Thank you, Paul.

168. But given everything, why don't you try and stick to conventional therapy?

169. - I mean, at least till the trial is over. - Yep.

170. Try and be normal.

171. Hey, there you are. Let's get this going, cowboy.

172. - That's the one who tried to kiss me. - Twice.

173. Happens to me all the time.

174. Did not expect it to happen to you.

175. Normal.

176. Your boobs going somewhere?

177. Shit. Damn it.

178. Liz, how did you know I was gonna be here?

179. When I asked you to hang tonight,

180. you said you were gonna stay home and air-fry some tilapia.

181. Man, I knew that was too specific.

182. Look, Liz. I'm overwhelmed. Okay?

183. I'm juggling these patients. I'm teaching that class.

184. I haven't even unpacked my new house, all right?

185. I need a release.

186. So go watch Property Brothers and rub one out like the rest of us.

187. Look, you're the one who told me

188. to use my buttinsky superpowers to help you break this cycle.

189. You're right. I'm sick of this. Okay. I'm gonna end things with Jimmy.

190. - Do it! - Do it.

191. I am a strong woman.

192. I'm a weak little girl.

193. Okay. Yeah.

194. I'm a strong big boy.

195. - What? - I'm a caveman.

196. Me kill elk with mouth.

197. Okay. No more. No more talking.

198. No more. Come on.

199. Just kiss me. All right. No more talking.

200. Oh, come on.

201. Mookie's gotta make that play.

202. We get it.

203. You're a guy's girl.

204. You're delightful.

205. What's with the mood?

206. Dodgers are losing, my back hurts,

207. the guy at the mini-mart called me "chief."

208. Oh, no.

209. That is a tough day.

210. Also, I usually watch the games...

211. by myself.

212. No problem.

213. I'll just take my book upstairs.

214. It's just, I didn't know you were gonna be here tonight.

215. No, it's fine.

216. If you can stop being such a big dick, come up before I fall asleep.

217. I might give you a little back rub.

218. I think we've been spending too much time together.

219. Excuse me?

220. It's just that some people say that we're like...

221. roomies with bennies.

222. Okay, I don't even know what that means.

223. Yeah, you do.

224. You know what? You're right.

225. Yeah, I think that we could both use a little space.

226. Well, it doesn't have to be tonight.

227. I was really looking forward to the back rub.

228. That's not how it works, chief.

229. A guy from my old army unit texted me.

230. He's coming to town for a day, and he wants to hang.

231. So that sucks.

232. - Bad guy? - Great guy.

233. - Bad friend? - Nope.

234. Make this easy on me.

235. He loves reminiscing about the old days, and I...

236. I don't want to be in my head reliving any of that shit.

237. Got it.

238. Okay.

239. So he's a trigger for you.

240. Listen, man, triggers are everywhere.

241. For me, it's sirens.

242. Every time. Every time I hear one, I'm right back...

243. to the night that Tia was killed.

244. When I got there, the emergency crews had already arrived.

245. I remember there was steam coming off the engines.

246. The paramedics were loading Tia's body into the back of the ambulance.

247. There was a policeman who was putting the drunk driver in the back of the car.

248. But the thing that always gets me is there's these two other cops,

249. and they were just chatting about what they were going to order for dinner.

250. Like it was just another day.

251. I'm sorry, man.

252. You know what? It's okay.

253. 'Cause I can access that now without, like, completely falling apart, you know.

254. I don't need to numb myself

255. by snorting Molly off of some stripper named Ecstasy.

256. I might have been snorting ecstasy off a stripper named Molly.

257. Memory lane.

258. The point is, you can't hide from your past forever.

259. I'm just not ready yet.

260. It's okay.

261. You know why?

262. 'Cause one day you will be.

263. That's it? You're not gonna start Jimmying me?

264. "Jimmying" you?

265. You know, that weird therapy shit you do outside of the office that Paul hates.

266. Yeah, I'm taking a little break from that.

267. Just getting back to basics.

268. I have to be normal.

269. - Okay. Cool. - "Jimmying," though, huh?

270. I like that.

271. - Dear God. - Is everybody calling it that?

272. I mean, I don't care. It's not about me.

273. It's whatever you guys want, but it's nice.

274. Can you spread the word that I'm cool with it?

275. And that's our time.

276. It's just that it sounds like a movement, or...

277. Shit!

278. No, no.

279. Okay.

280. I'm so fucking late.

281. Maybe she doesn't have cell service at her new place.

282. Rang twice. You were declined.

283. How would you know?

284. Because it always rings twice when I call you.

285. That tall, slutty asshole.

286. You know, this new foster dog is gonna be hard to name.

287. He's really very gassy, but also quite regal.

288. All right. You know what I should do?

289. Leave Gaby alone because she's an adult?

290. Don't be insane.

291. I dub thee, Sir Farts-A-Lot.

292. Hello, Sir Farts-A-Lot.

293. I mean, his patient is an attempted murderer.

294. I can see him spinning.

295. He started screaming in his sleep

296. like that.

297. I forget. Did I tell you I've been watching him sleep?

298. You did not.

299. Why don't you close your eyes and breathe for a few seconds?

300. You know what sucks about your baby carrots?

301. They make you think they're Cheetos.

302. I googled Parkinson's.

303. You're supposed to be eating healthy.

304. Stupid fucking Internet.

305. This isn't helping.

306. I can't stop thinking he's gonna go back to the way he was after Mom died.

307. Look, it's called hypervigilance.

308. Perfectly normal, considering what you've been through.

309. Would you talk to your dad about it?

310. No.

311. Besides, he's the therapist.

312. Shouldn't he be picking up on the fact that I'm picking up on the fact

313. that he might be freaking out, and that might be freaking me out?

314. Can't believe I followed that.

315. Maybe carrots are good for me.

316. Look, this panic you're feeling

317. is never gonna go away until you tell your dad why you're scared.

318. Yeah. But he's trying so hard.

319. He'd be so bummed.

320. Yeah.

321. Laying a harsh truth on somebody you care about sucks.

322. Facing a similar situation myself.

323. Oh, no. With your hot doctor lover?

324. What? It's not my fault she's hot.

325. - Are you guys okay? - It's none of your business.

326. Sorry.

327. But you're right.

328. She is a smokeshow.

329. Yeah, she is.

330. Just a reminder.

331. Your proposals for your independent research projects are due.

332. There's no exceptions.

333. I don't care if you're here to study Jungian shadow archetypes,

334. or if you're here just trying to figure out why your mom is so damn cray cray.

335. I'm the mom one.

336. I'm aware, Keisha.

337. She's called me several times.

338. Okay.

339. Any other questions before I let y'all asses go?

340. I got a question.

341. Why are you dodging me?

342. - Seriously? - Also is this kid 12?

343. Is this like a Doogie situation?

344. - I'm 20. - So am I.

345. All right. Everybody, you can go. Sorry about that.

346. What the fuck?

347. Stop walking so fast.

348. Your strides are longer than mine.

349. Keep up, bitch.

350. - This is a nice office. - Thank you.

351. Why are you in it?

352. - Professor Evans? - Yes.

353. Do you have a few minutes to talk about my independent research project?

354. Yeah. Have a seat.

355. No, we're talking.

356. Excuse this woman, Keisha. She has a raging case of the batshits.

357. - And we're walking, and we're walking. - What?

358. - Stop saying that. - I'll just come back.

359. - Sorry. - Find another teacher's butt to kiss.

360. - What? - It's not even office hours.

361. That's fancy, Professor Gabrielle.

362. - It's my name. It's just my name. - Fancy.

363. - What is this? - Just Post-its.

364. - I want one of that. - Normal Post-its. Nothing—

365. - You know what your problem is? - What?

366. You are bad with boundaries.

367. Oh, my God. I'm bad at boundaries?

368. Yeah. You love me.

369. - Nope. Gimme my rock. - You love me.

370. And you know what? Get around the desk. Go on the other side of the desk.

371. - All right. - Sit your ass down. Guess what, Liz?

372. I can't with you right now. Okay?

373. I'm currently wearing a thong from the eighth grade

374. because I haven't had a second to unpack.

375. It is so unbelievably small, it looks like a hammock for my bush.

376. You still have a bush?

377. I'm busy, Liz. It's a busy bush.

378. Hey. You can't laser that.

379. Yes, you can. And you should look into it.

380. - Shut up. - Wait, you know what?

381. What?

382. You'd have time to unpack if you sacked up and ended it with Jimmy.

383. That's what I say.

384. All right, get your feet off my desk. Those are really cute.

385. - Thank you. - Move.

386. Okay. I think the reason why I haven't been able to do it

387. is because it'll feel like I'm closing the door

388. on any chance for me and him.

389. And I know it's weak-ass,

390. but I'm hoping that maybe if I hang around long enough,

391. maybe he'll give us a real shot.

392. Babe.

393. He won't.

394. He never will.

395. You know that.

396. You just don't know when to stop, do you?

397. Not really.

398. Honestly, this is the shit that makes it hard to get close to you.

399. You know what? Get the fuck out of my office.

400. Gaby.

401. Okay.

402. Why would I call it Jimmying?

403. It's a word already.

404. You know, like jimmying a lock.

405. Hey, you look mad. Are you mad?

406. I'm not mad.

407. I'm sad for you because all my other patients are saying it.

408. Having a great time with it, but we'll talk about it next week.

409. Hey, what are you doing here?

410. Everything okay?

411. I don't know, Dad.

412. I'm just saying, I'm scared you're gonna fall apart again.

413. After Mom died, one day you were my dad, and the next,

414. I was getting a ride to school from a sex worker.

415. She was also a Lyft driver. She did both.

416. Look, you don't have to worry about that anymore.

417. - I'm good. - Are you sure?

418. Because that's what you always said back then.

419. I'd ask you how your day went and you'd be like,

420. "It was good. It was great."

421. And it wasn't good.

422. It was fucked up.

423. Yeah.

424. Man, I think it is so brave that you're being this honest with me.

425. Yes, I am stressed out about Grace, but that's Workday Dad.

426. Nighttime Daddy is fine.

427. I heard it. I'm not gonna say it again.

428. Thank you.

429. Point is, I can handle it now.

430. I'm in a much better place.

431. I know.

432. Something changed a few months ago

433. and it felt like you came back to life.

434. So whatever that was, just please tell me that you won't—

435. Jimmying.

436. - Forget it. It's a movement. - Okay.

437. All I'm saying is, whatever it was,

438. just promise me you won't stop doing it.

439. I promise.

440. - All right, love you. Bye. - That was so fast.

441. Have fun Jimmying.

442. Fight me.

443. What?

444. I'm back.

445. I win, you go see your army buddy.

446. Are you crazy?

447. I'm good at this shit now.

448. Are you?

449. None of that really matters when you're about to get Jimmy'd.

450. Yeah, look at it go.

451. - Now, I'm gonna go slow. Look at it. - Bruh.

452. - You'll get hypnotized. Slow. - Come on, man.

453. Right, left, right, left. Right, left, right, left.

454. - That's not— - You're getting very sleepy.

455. If I agree, will you stop doing that?

456. Just remember you wanted this.

457. I think I'll be fine.

458. Time-out.

459. Fuck.

460. You done?

461. - Pinch! - Are you serious?

462. - Got you, Sean. - Dude. It's over.

463. This is my move. Come on.

464. - Jimmy. - Tap out.

465. - Tap out, Sean. - Jimmy, let me go.

466. Just submit to my will.

467. Submit—

468. Oh, shit.

469. I'm sorry, man. You okay?

470. You really think I'm ready to see my buddy?

471. Okay. I'll do it.

472. Why aren't you talking?

473. Are those your teeth?

474. Okay. Open your mouth then.

475. Open it.

476. Hell.

477. Is now a good time?

478. No. I don't think there's ever gonna be a good time.

479. My mom and sister are at war again, so that's tight.

480. Also, I have, like, no idea where any of my bath towels are,

481. so I've been drying off with an area rug.

482. And I'm sleeping with my dead best friend's husband.

483. And do you wanna know why?

484. I really do, actually.

485. It's because I'm such a pathological caretaker

486. that if you show me just any train wreck of a man,

487. I will just jump in that pool

488. like some fucking Black lady Michael Phelps every fucking single time.

489. But it gets worse, because I took a huge shit

490. all over the one friend who actually tried to have my back.

491. Maybe I should just come back again.

492. No. This is perfect.

493. Because now I've overshared, so I will agree

494. to pretty much anything that you ask. So, what is it?

495. - Will you be my adviser? - Yes.

496. And meet every Sunday night?

497. You go hard, Keisha.

498. Good for you.

499. Hello.

500. Hey, Julie.

501. There was something I wanted to say—

502. I can't talk right now.

503. But you called me.

504. I had a breakthrough with Sean.

505. Where the fuck are your teeth?

506. They're in my wallet, but it's okay.

507. I have an emergency dentist appointment.

508. Listen, after Sean kicked the shit out of me,

509. - he agreed to see his army buddy. - He kicked the shit out of you?

510. I know what you're gonna say.

511. No, you don't.

512. That I promised to be a normal therapist.

513. Sit.

514. Paul, before you start, I just want to make one thing clear.

515. If my eyes are watering, it's not because I'm scared.

516. It's because this actually hurts very, very badly.

517. I lied to you before.

518. You did fuck up with one of your patients.

519. I'm working on it with Grace.

520. No, I'm not talking about Grace.

521. I'm talking about Sean.

522. You have created a textbook dual relationship.

523. Jesus, Jimmy.

524. He lives with you.

525. He needed a place to stay.

526. He's running a business with your white, middle-aged, terrifying neighbor.

527. Does that seem normal?

528. Depends on the person.

529. Is there anybody from his own life

530. that he even sees anymore?

531. Why weren't you just honest with me?

532. Because Alice isn't the only one who knows how fragile you are.

533. You always say your patients' well-being is all that matters to you.

534. Yeah.

535. You think Sean doesn't know that?

536. He will say anything to keep you happy.

537. He'll even lie.

538. But it's not that kid's job to heal you.

539. I did not make a mistake with Sean.

540. He is my biggest success story.

541. Stop saying S-words.

542. Sorry.

543. Shit, I did it again.

544. Sorry.

545. Sean can't be your patient anymore.

546. No.

547. You're wrong about him.

548. He is thriving

549. and I know in my heart that I am helping him succeed.

550. Hey, honey.

551. I was thinking how much fun it would be to put this globe in the john.

552. You have no lines in this play.

553. - I never have lines. - You'll be okay. It goes in the office.

554. - What the fuck is going on here? - Who knows?

555. I was told I was coming over for drinks and nibs.

556. The three of you did all this?

557. We're almost done, except for your underwear

558. and a box of things I can only imagine are beyond the limits of our friendship.

559. Give me that, don't look down there.

560. Now, you guys can break down all the boxes.

561. That sounds like a job for a straight.

562. - I'm on break. - You're not.

563. Oh, come on.

564. I love crushing boxes.

565. I bet you do.

566. I was such a skanky bitch to you.

567. Why would you do this for me?

568. You have a rock. I love you.

569. I'm sorry.

570. It's okay. Come here.

571. You know I'm still gonna have sex with Jimmy tonight, right?

572. I know, sweetie.

573. The astronaut returns.

574. You said you wanted space.

575. That's a thinker.

576. Hey, look,

577. there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna do it.

578. I love you.

579. Well, that sucks.

580. Yeah. Well, believe me, it's not what I wanted.

581. I love you too.

582. - Shit. - Yeah.

583. I was afraid you were gonna say that.

584. That's my thing.

585. Right? They were running so fast.

586. - Yeah. - All these little...

587. Superhuman.

588. Guess what grew back?

589. Nice.

590. Congrats, Dad. You have teeth.

591. I didn't think you'd say that to me until I was much, much older.

592. - How did it go with your friend? - Great. Glad you pushed me.

593. Okay, great.

594. Was it a threatening grip?

595. Nah, dude. He ain't got the face for it.

596. - He ain't got a real face. - Yeah?

597. He got a face face.

598. You didn't go see him, did you?

599. Alice? Will you give us a second?

600. Yeah.

601. - Hey. - Shit. Sorry, habit.

602. It's no problem.

603. Come on, kid. Let's get to work.

604. Welcome to the major leagues.

605. Okay. Well, I'll see you later, I guess.

606. I hope so.

607. Jesus Christ. You live together.

608. You can wave to each other from your bedrooms.

609. Come on!

610. I don't know what the big deal is.

611. I just didn't wanna go in that coffee shop.

612. Look, kid.

613. Jimmy was right about one thing:

614. the importance of facing your demons head-on.

615. If that means seeing an old friend, you got the coping skills.

616. Do it.

617. You can't spend your life hiding from your trauma.

618. If you don't truly deal with your past, it'll come back for you.

619. I came here to apologize.

620. You did it. You should go.

621. I know you must hate me...

622. - Get the fuck out of here. - ... but I wondered if we—

623. - I would really like— - Get the fuck out of here!

624. Get out of here! Get the fuck out of here!

625. And when that happens...

626. What?

627. Hey, how did the rest of your day go?

628. Yeah. Yeah, it was good.

629. It was great.