Shrinking 1x7

1. Fuck.

2. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the f—

3. Please don't say the thing that you always say when I drink too much.

4. Was it worth it?

5. Fuckhole.

6. Oh, boy. Oh, boy! - Yeah.

7. Oh, boy. Okay. - "Oh, boy" indeedy. We fucked.

8. We're terrible people. - Man, we are some dirty slut pigs.

9. So, what are you thinking?

10. I'm thinking, "What would Tia think?"

11. Well, you know, she didn't like when I borrowed your gardener,

12. so she sure as fuck is not gonna like when I borrowed your dick.

13. You didn't exactly borrow it there, Gaby. I was handing it out

14. like someone gives away candy at Halloween.

15. You start handing out dicks on Halloween, you're gonna get arrested.

16. Hey, don't look at that. Where's my bra?

17. Bra. Okay.

18. It's gotta be around here somewhere. Bra. Bra, bra, bra. Where's the bra? Bra.

19. Found it! I found your bra! I found your bra. I found it.

20. Shit. Thank you. You know what? - I found your bra.

21. I know what happened.

22. I just needed to prove that my vagine worked.

23. Well, it works, Gaby. It's like a-a well-oiled machine.

24. Really?

25. Yeah, it's humid and hospitable like Florida.

26. Hey, you can call my vagina any state,

27. but you do not fucking call it Florida, you hear me?

28. Fair enough.

29. Here's your dress! Let's put on your dress.

30. Put on the dress. - And I will put on my tender robins.

31. I love that. - And everything will be normal.

32. Which side is the fucking top of my robe?

33. It's that part. - There we go.

34. All right. - 'Cause this is normal.

35. We can handle this. - Yep.

36. Let's just be cool. We're adults. - We are.

37. Dad, you coming down?

38. Should I climb out the window?

39. Yes.

40. Hey.

41. I'm totally chill that you tried to kiss me last night.

42. It's a bit creepy 'cause you're a lot older than me,

43. but I'm fine. It's fine.

44. Look, Alice, I didn't— - Dude, it's chill.

45. Can we please just never ever, ever, ever, ever talk about it again?

46. Okay. I'm down.

47. Hey. Okay. Hey, Alice, you're in the kitchen.

48. Alice is in the kitchen.

49. Hey. - Gaby.

50. Gaby's in the kitchen. - What the fuck? You slept in my house?

51. I slept in the guest bedroom. - I love that room.

52. So nice. - They're both being weird.

53. Do you want coffee? - Yes.

54. Please. Extra cream for me. - Please. Go ahead. I guess.

55. Thank you. Yeah. - Yeah, absolutely.

56. I'll take one too please. Black.

57. All right, I'm gonna head out.

58. I made some pancakes if y'all want some.

59. Bye. - That's so sweet.

60. Fuck yeah, I want some pancakes.

61. Paul. Hey, good morning.

62. Morning. - Hi.

63. Fucking Liz's evil gummies ambushed me.

64. Hey, my daughter's coming earlier than I thought. Can you drive me home?

65. Sure. Yeah. - Okay, I'm gonna go.

66. Okay. - I'll see you later.

67. My little dew drop. - You smell like bad decisions.

68. Please. We all do.

69. Well, I'm gonna pretend that mine never happened. Okay, bye.

70. So, I should go. Thanks.

71. Bye, Gab. - Bye.

72. So, how was the sex?

73. Fuck! You think anybody else knows?

74. I didn't know. I was just joking.

75. Goddamn it! This party was a disaster on so many fronts, Paul.

76. Yeah, it was. You got some messes to clean up.

77. But it's not my problem.

78. I wonder how long it'll be before Gaby realizes she left me.

79. If your ride is driving off without you, yell!

80. Paul knows that we did sex.

81. Fantastic.

82. Man, I wanted to tell her.

83. So, anyway, I just wanna apologize for messing up your big night.

84. What are you talking about?

85. Charlie said yes,

86. and I now have the greatest proposal story of all time.

87. There were tears, there was vomit, Bernadette Peters came.

88. You don't even have to get us a wedding present now.

89. Obviously, you still should. I'm very upset.

90. I will overspend.

91. Okay.

92. Look, I gotta go continue this apology tour.

93. Okay. Enjoy.

94. I'll e-mail you a list of gift ideas that aren't on the registry.

95. I'll talk to you soon.

96. How about we just agree that I accept your apology,

97. and we forget everything that happened last night?

98. You sure you don't want some expensive gift like Brian?

99. You made a mistake. Everybody makes fucking mistakes.

100. It's not a big deal. Oh, my God.

101. Everybody just needs to forgive and forget and move the fuck on.

102. Right.

103. Sorry. I'm just dealing with a lot of my own shit right now.

104. Okay. Any way I can help?

105. Yeah. Sit down.

106. You're actually exactly the person I was hoping to talk to.

107. Okay.

108. Did you not get the sarcasm?

109. I didn't, no.

110. But it was such a weird conversation, I thought maybe this was gonna happen.

111. But if there's anything you do wanna talk about—

112. That's our time.

113. What the fuck?

114. Hey. - Hi, Dad.

115. Hey, honey. Come in. - Hi.

116. Here. Let me get this. - No, I got it. I got it.

117. What? Honey, don't do that.

118. Don't examine me. I'm fine. - What? I'm not.

119. Okay.

120. Come on, I'll get you settled.

121. Hey, I'm going to get some coffee. Do you want some? I got whole milk.

122. Actually, I'm not drinking milk anymore.

123. I'm trying being vegan. Don't judge. - That's a big ask.

124. Well, can I get you anything?

125. Something soy?

126. Dad, there's some stuff I wanna go over before we see your neurologist, okay?

127. Okay. But could I say something first?

128. Sure.

129. I've been thinking a lot about us, about our relationship,

130. and— - Dad, we don't need to do that.

131. I'm just saying if there's anything we should talk about

132. that we haven't been talking about, don't be shy, 'cause I can take it.

133. Dad, the past is the past.

134. I have forgiven and forgotten, and I'm very happy to be here.

135. I'm happy you're here.

136. Okay. - But I gotta get some coffee.

137. I got drunk and stoned last night.

138. What, did you join a frat? - No, it was a gay engagement party.

139. Same same.

140. Honey, do we have a saw?

141. I hid it after you tried to fix the deck.

142. Ouch. - Why aren't you at work?

143. Took the day off. - You retire in a week.

144. What are they gonna do, fire me? I thought I'd build you a spice rack.

145. I don't need one. I keep my spices in the pantry.

146. I know. That's why my graham crackers taste like tarragon.

147. You know what? Actually, this is good.

148. I need to talk to you about something. Sit down.

149. Okay. I need to know that when you retire,

150. you're gonna find ways to get out of the house

151. because I need my space.

152. Otherwise, and I say this with love, I will murder you.

153. But with love.

154. So much love. - Right.

155. You know how everyone assumes you play golf, 'cause look at you?

156. Yep. - Maybe learn how to play.

157. Look...

158. I get that you're freaking out. - Yeah.

159. I mean, Christ, we've been married almost 30 years.

160. Crazy. - And it took me a while, but I know you.

161. You need your space. - Yeah.

162. And that's what makes us work.

163. Yes. - Yeah.

164. But...

165. I have been grinding away at my job for so fucking long.

166. It's my turn to be home. I've earned it.

167. Now, if you don't want us on top of each other, that's fine.

168. You need to figure out something to go do.

169. 'Kay?

170. Are you fucking serious right now?

171. Yes. But with love.

172. Oh, my God.

173. Tia, girl, we need to talk.

174. Howdy.

175. Hey— Hey. Hello. - Hi.

176. They should raise that thing up,

177. you know, so you don't have to squat like that.

178. No. It's good for my core.

179. And for bouncing on that dangalang, you know what I'm saying?

180. Jesus Christ, Gaby. - Relax, man.

181. You gotta stop stressing, you know? - Yeah?

182. I talked to Tia, and she was pretty cool with it.

183. What does that mean? You talked to Tia?

184. I mean we had a little heart-to-heart, and I explained to her,

185. you know, I was pretty fucked up with the whole Nico thing,

186. and there was just a ton of alcohol,

187. and compound that with the fact that you're safe dick.

188. Safe dick? You and I will never have feelings for each other,

189. so you got what's called a safe dick.

190. I don't know about "safe."

191. I like to think of him as kind of a bad boy, you know?

192. Like Neil Diamond or something.

193. You think your penis is a bad boy like Neil Diamond?

194. I picked the wrong guy.

195. The point is that Tia forgave me,

196. and you know, she said she understood that we're human.

197. And it's important for us to not regret stuff like this.

198. I know I don't. - I do.

199. Just— Fuck, things are so janky between us now, you know?

200. I can tell something's going on with Alice.

201. She won't talk to me.

202. She would open up to you, but I feel weird—

203. Hey, come on. You know I'll always help you with Alice. I'll talk to her.

204. By the way, you know, it was really nice just talking to Tia again.

205. Maybe you should try it. - I still feel,

206. I think, a little too guilty about it. But thanks for having my back.

207. No problem, man. Thanks for pounding my front.

208. Gimme some. - Seriously?

209. Okay. It might be time to order another EMG.

210. Mood's been good?

211. My mood's always good.

212. Ah, so, delusions have started.

213. How's the freezing? - What's the freezing?

214. Sometimes when I'm standing still, and I wanna take a step, I can't.

215. That sounds awful.

216. Not as bad as being vegan.

217. How can I help?

218. For right now, your dad's meds are working quite well.

219. Their efficacy will diminish over time, but he's been doing his exercises and—

220. Has he been better about staying hydrated?

221. He says— - He's right here.

222. And he pees all the time.

223. Congrats. - Thank you.

224. Nurse will be in in a minute to take your blood.

225. She'll probably be a little skittish because it's you.

226. Meg, really nice to meet you. - It was nice to meet you too, Doctor.

227. Thank you. - Paul, I'll see you in a month.

228. You wish.

229. You like her.

230. You like her.

231. Hey! Another job interview? How'd it go?

232. Dude pointed at me and said, "Nope." So, fingers crossed.

233. Well, I was about to go and bike and get ice cream.

234. You could grab my skateboard and hold onto the back.

235. That sounds like a good way to die.

236. Come on, ice cream will cheer you up.

237. Yeah, look, I—

238. Got it. Yeah, we can't actually ever hang out again,

239. 'cause everything's weird and fucked up. Got it.

240. Alice. - Bye!

241. Wait. - Hey, Liz.

242. Hey.

243. What's up? You okay?

244. Did you get a new dog? What happened to Shit Rat?

245. He was adopted by a family in Encino. They named him "Cooper."

246. So, they're white? - Yeah.

247. But this guy's a good boy. Yeah.

248. What'd you name this one? - This is Tampon Eater.

249. Tampon Eater? - That's right.

250. Do you wanna take a walk with us?

251. Yeah. - All right.

252. But do you wanna lose the suit? 'Cause you look like a dork.

253. Good call. - Yeah.

254. Are you looking for a tampon?

255. They're so yummy. I know, they're so good.

256. I got it.

257. Hey, kiddo. - Hey.

258. What's up? - I was just nearby

259. 'cause I was getting ice cream. - You bring me any?

260. I didn't know you wanted any.

261. Hell yeah, it's ice cream. Answer's always yes.

262. Can I come in?

263. Look, Alice, this is—

264. This is my Fortress of Solitude.

265. I'm so sorry. I should've called

266. instead of just busting in. Sorry. - No, it's okay. Are you all right?

267. Can you wait till tomorrow?

268. Yeah. Honestly— Oh, my God, I'd love to not think about this today.

269. Okay. - Okay. Bye.

270. Bye. Rocky road.

271. Is that the kind of ice cream you want? - Yeah.

272. She's already taken all the good shit out of the house.

273. Bye.

274. Was that a patient?

275. Yeah, kinda. She reminds me of you when you were that age.

276. I wasn't that cute.

277. Yeah, you were. You want something to eat? Do you wanna order?

278. Yeah. I was thinking salad, something super healthy.

279. Now it begins.

280. So, I wanted to talk to you about— Nope, nope!

281. Hey!

282. I'm gathering that it's still difficult for you to make eye contact with me.

283. Yeah. I just can't believe that I tried to kiss you.

284. It's like, you know, who does stupid shit like that?

285. Everybody.

286. Wally, would it help if I told you that I recently made a mistake

287. with a friend that was significantly worse?

288. I want 'em both.

289. Why do you have sad face? - It's just face.

290. Well, did you try to make out with your therapist?

291. A therapist. My point is this:

292. She could see that I was beating myself up,

293. so she made jokes, she told me how we're all human.

294. She made me feel better

295. even though she was going through the same shit.

296. She sounds cool. - Yeah.

297. How'd you make her feel better?

298. I didn't. I made it about me.

299. I think I'm over you. Too selfish.

300. That's our time, Wally.

301. Hey, listen to this. I found this the other day.

302. When you were, I guess, about six years old,

303. you were having trouble sleeping.

304. We used to put your feet on top of mine, and we'd dance till you got sleepy.

305. You remember that?

306. I'm afraid I don't. - Hey.

307. Racist Pam's house. Hold on.

308. Hold him.

309. She loves her white flowers.

310. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

311. All done. Fuck Pam. - Yeah, fuck Pam.

312. I'm sorry about your shitty job interview.

313. You know how hard it is to get a job with a felony on your record?

314. I got denied by a fucking convenience store

315. in my best suit with this smile?

316. We're beautiful people, Sean. No one supports us.

317. I didn't ask to look this good.

318. No.

319. Look, don't worry about a job you don't want.

320. What do you like to do?

321. I don't know. I like cooking.

322. In the army, we would get bored of those ready-to-eat meals,

323. so I'd scrape something together, my buddies would love it.

324. That made me happy.

325. Being happy matters.

326. Apparently, I have to find something that makes me happy outside our house.

327. So what do you like? - Telling people how to live their lives.

328. Do you think anyone will pay me for that?

329. Nah, we know you're gonna do that for free.

330. Yes.

331. Can I talk to you about something? It's about Alice.

332. She tried to kiss me.

333. Now everything's all weird.

334. I didn't even do anything, and now she's mad at me.

335. I don't think she's mad at you, Sean.

336. I just think she's scared of being abandoned.

337. Again. - Yeah.

338. I hear you.

339. Come on.

340. Why is there a string coming out your dog's butt?

341. Remember his name, Sean. Remember his name.

342. Oh, hell.

343. "And if mentally incapacitated,

344. I direct that I not be kept alive by artificial means

345. or heroic measures."

346. Fuck yeah.

347. So if I'm not there mentally, she can smother me with a pillow.

348. Seriously? What is wrong with you?

349. Nothing. It's the way I'd like to go.

350. The last thing I would see would be the beautiful face of my daughter.

351. Sign the damn thing.

352. Okay. Where do I— - Right there is perfect.

353. Okay!

354. So, that's all I need. Thank you, Meg. - Thank you.

355. I hope that you enjoy the rest of your stay.

356. And don't forget, your dad is actually

357. pretty amazing in spite of all the evidence

358. that you'll be presented with for the remainder of your visit.

359. Goodbye, Kevin.

360. That's me, I'm Kevin.

361. It's our private little joke that I secretly hate.

362. Well, that means he likes you.

363. That's what I said. - Goodbye, Kevin.

364. Okay, here we go. Bye. - Bye.

365. I am really proud of you. Bye. - Bye.

366. Oof.

367. You okay? - Yeah, it's just a lot.

368. All the legal stuff and the medical information

369. from the hot doctor you wanna have sex with.

370. Sorry, it is a lot.

371. Don't be sorry. - Meg, I've had the best time with you.

372. Yeah, me too, Dad.

373. Listen, I have something that I think will cheer us both up.

374. I spoke to Dave, and he and I both agree

375. that it is time to get his mom out of the guest house.

376. Where's she gonna go? - I don't know. She'll go back home

377. or to some imaginary foot injury, rehab center.

378. And we would love for you to—

379. We would love for you to move in. - Really?

380. Yeah, really.

381. You'll have your own bathroom and kitchen and there's a mini-office.

382. Dave and I can drive you wherever you need to go,

383. and you'll get some quality time with Mason. He'll get to know his grandpa.

384. Wow.

385. That's so generous.

386. Ah. Speak of the devil, it's Mason.

387. Let me— I'll talk to him for a second, then you guys can—

388. Hey, hey, no— - Hi, sweetheart. How is it?

389. Really? No.

390. I don't wanna move to your house.

391. What?

392. Yeah, it was so fucked up.

393. I mean, he couldn't even be in the same room as me.

394. He must think I'm so lame. - Oh, my gosh.

395. He does not think you're lame, okay?

396. You know why? 'Cause you're hot as shit, and you're cool as fuck.

397. You're just saying that. - No, I'm not.

398. I would never lie about that. You can get it anytime you want.

399. It's probably why your dad's always walking around all jittery all the time.

400. I really thought I was catching a vibe from Sean.

401. Who knows? I mean, maybe you were, right?

402. But it's complicated for him.

403. He lives under your dad's roof, he has his own shit going on,

404. and at the end of the day, ma'am, you're only 17.

405. Ma'am, I'm almost 18. And he's only 22.

406. How old was the oldest guy you were ever with?

407. Fifty, but I was a lot older than you. - Uh-huh, how old?

408. Nineteen, okay? But this was different, Mr. Posley was my dad's friend,

409. and I was really mad at my dad. Okay? - Oh, my God.

410. I'm just saying, shit like this happens to people all the time, okay?

411. You're making moves on the wrong person, you're fucking somebody you shouldn't.

412. But promise you this. If you and Sean are friends,

413. which I think you are, this whole thing's just gonna blow over.

414. I just wish it had never happened! - No, I get that.

415. That shit sounds embarrassing as hell. - Hey!

416. However, I am proud of you because you put yourself out there,

417. even if it meant that you got hurt. It means you're on your way back.

418. Yeah.

419. Hey. Hey, you two. How's it going?

420. Gaby, can I talk to you? - We're not done yet.

421. No? Okay.

422. We are done.

423. He was being a total asshole at the party,

424. and I need to torture him a bit more. - Absolutely.

425. Just wait a few years, then you can fuck one of his friends.

426. Was Mr. Posley hot?

427. No but he meant a lot to my dad.

428. Meg.

429. If I hurry, I will get on a flight tonight, which means that...

430. Okay. Wait. - ... I will be able to see

431. Mason's game tomorrow, so that's nice.

432. You don't have to go. - No, no, no. It's okay.

433. You explained, I get it.

434. You can't pick up and move across the country.

435. I've got— I've got responsibilities to p— to patients.

436. Right, your patients. I know how important they are.

437. They even— They even drop by your house.

438. You mean Alice? - I don't know.

439. Honey, she's Jimmy's daughter. I'm just trying to help out here.

440. That's perfect.

441. You're finally making time in your life for someone who isn't a patient.

442. You know what's so dumb? I always thought that would be me.

443. Hey. Wait, wait, wait. This is going sideways.

444. I really am grateful for what you're trying to do for me.

445. How are you not getting this, Dad? You are 73, and you are sick.

446. Are you really gonna spend the rest of your life not making things right with me?

447. I spent my childhood listening to people tell me how amazing you were.

448. And I would always think, "Who the fuck are they talking about?

449. He is never there for me."

450. We could fix this without me moving across the country.

451. I'm just not ready for that.

452. Not yet.

453. Not yet. I see.

454. So, you'll eventually allow us the pleasure of your company

455. when you can no longer feed yourself or talk! Lucky us!

456. Meg. Stop! Please.

457. I will tell Mason that you said hi.

458. Fuck! Jesus.

459. So, I spoke to Alice. She's fine. - Yeah.

460. Just wanna make sure you remember what you're supposed to do.

461. Repeat it back to me.

462. Nothing. - Exactly, you nailed it. Okay?

463. Thanks again, but it's actually not what I wanted to talk to you about.

464. So I realized in a session today that I'm really good

465. at taking care of my patients,

466. but over the past year, I've gotten in this habit

467. of letting the people in my life take care of me.

468. Especially you, but I— I don't— I don't return the favor.

469. You asking whether or not I had an orgasm?

470. No. You did? - I did, yeah.

471. That's great news. More than once? - Take the win.

472. Right.

473. You were kind enough to say that you didn't regret it.

474. I should've fucking said it back. - No, it's okay.

475. Gaby, I should've said it back, 'cause it's true.

476. Look, I'm not ready for anything remotely real in my life,

477. you may be able to tell.

478. And I understand that I'm safe dick. - You absolutely are.

479. But you made me feel kind of hopeful that maybe one day I might be.

480. I'm— I don't know, I'm just grateful for that.

481. Blah. Anyway, that's my spiel.

482. Friendship hug? - Yeah. I would love that.

483. Okay, and your penis moved.

484. I mean, it was a shift more than a move.

485. Hey.

486. Hey, man. - Hey, guys.

487. Sh— Sorry. - Yep.

488. You guys up for some barbecue? - Barbecue? Yes.

489. Yes, I would love some more meat. - Goddamn it, Gaby.

490. Schwing.

491. I'm not worried.

492. You should be. You should be worried. Are you threatening me?

493. Hey. Where's Derek? - Hi. Thank you. I didn't tell him.

494. Thank you.

495. Hey, food's almost ready. I just need a sous-chef.

496. Hey, Alice? Wanna help me out?

497. Okay, damn, stop bossing me around.

498. Hi, fucker. - Hey, fucker.

499. Hey! Do I smell cheeseburgers?

500. Babe, we love you. Come over.

501. Okay. I'm starving.

502. For me? - For you.

503. Thank you.

504. All right, grub's up. - All right.

505. Let's go, let's go.

506. Burgers.

507. Ice tea. Lemonade.

508. Hi.

509. Hi.

510. I know that Gaby talked to you.

511. But I was drunk.

512. I'm— I'm sorry.

513. I know that this might sound shitty,

514. but I feel like you owe me an apology also...

515. for dying.

516. Don't get me wrong, I know that it probably sucks to be dead, but...

517. I kind of think you got to do the easy part.

518. Goddamn it.

519. I miss you so much.

520. And my whole life just feels fucked.

521. Which is probably why I had sex with your best friend.

522. Hey.

523. I'm ju— I'm just talking to your mom.