Shrinking 1x4

1. Hey, this is Grace. Leave me a message.

2. Grace, hey. It's Jimmy. Again. But you know that, right?

3. That's why you sent me straight to voice mail.

4. So give me a call, okay? Bye.

5. Hey, Derek.

6. Morning, Jimmy.

7. Hey, what are you doing?

8. Liz hogs the bathroom in the morning, so sometimes I come out here to pee.

9. Not a bad way to start the day, peeing in the rain.

10. It's a great way.

11. Feels like the wind's coming from the east.

12. Hey, I heard you went to that cornhole bar.

13. Was it amazing? - It was fine.

14. They had booze and mediocre food.

15. Two cornhole stations. - Two? Awesome.

16. Derek, are you out there peeing again?

17. No, just talking to Jimmy.

18. The wink made it weird.

19. You got good eyes, Jimmy.

20. Did he seem mad at me?

21. Nope, you're good.

22. Okay. Stop peeing in the flowers.

23. It's just a little tinkle. - Stop it.

24. Just a little tinkle.

25. These are apology bagels. I didn't mean to narc on you.

26. When I ran into Paul, I assumed he knew that Sean had moved in.

27. Yeah. You really fucked me.

28. I mean, it's fine, but you fucked me.

29. It's fine. But yeah, you fucked me.

30. I'm sorry.

31. I hate getting people in trouble when they don't deserve it.

32. And when they do deserve it? - Well, that's my favorite thing.

33. Honestly, don't sweat it. Paul never stays mad at me. It'll be fine.

34. I'm glad. See ya. - Okay. But you fucked me!

35. I got it.

36. Yeah. I'm excited to see you.

37. Come by the office, and then we'll go over to the apartment.

38. All right. See you then. Bye, sweetheart.

39. Who's your sweetheart? And is she a sexy bitch?

40. She's my daughter.

41. My bad.

42. Hey, is she single? 'Cause, you know, since the divorce,

43. I've been thinking about trying some new thangs.

44. I'm just kidding. I'm trying to make you uncomfortable.

45. You're very good at that. - Thank you. Now get in the car.

46. Can we play that song I like?

47. Where should we start?

48. Why do we come all the way here when we could just talk at home?

49. Sean,

50. my notebook's here.

51. Have you told your folks that you're crashing with me?

52. Nah. They'd be pretty weirded out if they knew I lived with my therapist.

53. Yeah, I'll acknowledge it's pretty fucking weird.

54. Okay. I gotta say, man, you seem lighter, energized.

55. Let's dig a little deeper? - Nah.

56. I'm sorry. That's totally my fault for making that sound like a question.

57. I meant to go down at the end. Let's dig a little deeper.

58. Sean, we haven't talked at all about your time in Afghanistan.

59. I ain't gonna lie, Jimmy, I've been feeling pretty fucking good.

60. Okay? Like, why would we fuck with that?

61. That's my job, dude. I got a degree in Fucking With That.

62. From the University of All Up In Your Business.

63. It's actually a junior college. I'll stop.

64. Look, we can't run from this forever.

65. Not yet.

66. Okay.

67. Thank you. - We'll get there. No pressure.

68. See you at home, man.

69. Hi, I'm Gaby. I'm a therapist here.

70. You were originally referred to me,

71. and then I actually referred you to Jimmy.

72. Okay. - Okay.

73. So, how's it going?

74. Good. Initially, I didn't really like this therapy shit,

75. but now I kinda like it.

76. I am so glad.

77. So how come you ditched me on to him?

78. Honestly, I felt like you guys would be a good fit for each other.

79. And, like, maybe you guys could help each other out.

80. Cool. Always wanted to help out a wealthy, middle-aged white guy.

81. Well, it's good to give back, so...

82. Hey. Morning. You a potato girl?

83. No, Paul. I am a strong, Black, potato woman.

84. What are we doing here?

85. My farm box came with way too many potatoes.

86. Wait, you get your produce delivered to the office now?

87. I have so many questions.

88. Are you a secret chef? Do you, like, cook here? Can you teach me?

89. Do you want the fucking potatoes, or not?

90. What the hell I'ma do with two potatoes?

91. I'll take potatoes if you're giving them out.

92. There you go. Hey, take two. - All right.

93. Hey, so I was just in there with Sean,

94. and I feel like it's time to start unpacking his PTSD.

95. But he won't talk about any of it.

96. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's pretty common with veterans.

97. I'm just— I'm wondering when he'll feel comfortable opening up, you know?

98. That's easy. Never.

99. You fucked up. Created a dual relationship.

100. He thinks of you as his friend/roommate, instead of his therapist.

101. Well, do you think it might be helpful if I ask him to reset our boundaries—

102. Sorry— Did you just buzz at me?

103. I did.

104. I told you not to go down that path with your patients and you did anyway.

105. Fine. Doesn't mean I have to go with you.

106. I'm not gonna talk to you about any of it.

107. But you'll talk to me about potatoes.

108. All day long. Enjoy them spuds, bud.

109. Boil 'em, bake 'em, fry 'em,

110. rub 'em together and make a fire. I don't care.

111. Maybe I'll just eat them like an apple, Paul.

112. Stop.

113. Woof.

114. Electrolytes.

115. I didn't ask.

116. What's he doing here?

117. New plant? What is that, a fern? Is that a—

118. I have no idea. - Okay.

119. Great.

120. Why are you here?

121. Yeah. Just dropping off the revisions I've done to your estate plan

122. since in the last three years, you haven't returned a call, e-mail or text.

123. That's not something to be proud of.

124. Should we go over this now?

125. It's not really a good time. My daughter's coming by.

126. Girl dad! Love it.

127. Nothing? Nothing to add? Okay.

128. She's giving a talk on alternative energy.

129. She's got a quick turnover,

130. so she's only got a few hours to spend with me.

131. Well, this is serendipitous. One of my favorite words.

132. I'll wait here, and have her sign your medical power of attorney.

133. I don't think so. - What? No.

134. Well, given your diagnosis, I don't recommend stalling on that.

135. Is attorney-client privilege only for criminal lawyers,

136. or is it for pretend lawyers as well?

137. Estate law is real law. I'm a real lawyer.

138. Yes or no? - Yeah.

139. Cone of silence.

140. Meg doesn't know that I have Parkinson's.

141. So, are you two not on good terms?

142. Cone of silence.

143. Stop saying that. - Okay.

144. Her mother and I split when she was little.

145. They moved to the East Coast. We drifted.

146. It was hard to keep in touch.

147. Why? Was it before phones or planes existed?

148. Sorry. You're opening up, and I'm ruining it.

149. Your self-awareness is your best characteristic.

150. So you really think it's important that I do this now?

151. Yeah.

152. Okay. I'll tell her, and I'll get these signed.

153. Great. Do you wanna mail these documents back to me,

154. or drop them off at my office downtown?

155. No, actually, I'd rather have somebody come by my place and pick 'em up

156. and spare me the hassle. - Okay.

157. But I can have my assistant, Kevin, do it.

158. Kevin. Kevin!

159. Kevin.

160. I'm Kevin, aren't I?

161. Okay. I will see you soon.

162. Thanks for dropping in.

163. My pleasure. - Unannounced.

164. Oh, well, I did. I called, emailed and texted.

165. So...

166. Hey, cutie. - Hey.

167. I heard you dribbling. I'm open. - Okay.

168. Nice! - Three boys.

169. Actually, Connor's coming home from college tonight.

170. Tell him I said what's up. - I will.

171. Hey, Liz. Hi. - Hey, Gab.

172. Just gonna shoot around with Alice with the new basketball I got her.

173. Oh, right.

174. I remember the basketball you said you got her.

175. That's right. - That's great.

176. Well, you guys have fun. - Thank you.

177. Yeah, cool. It's really good to see you.

178. Oh, my God. Great to see you.

179. Yeah. Nice kicks. - Thank you. They're Jordans.

180. Great. Good for you. - Yeah.

181. See you guys.

182. Pleasure. - Just a plesh.

183. Holy shit. You guys hate each other.

184. Shut up and shoot the ball.

185. Okay, okay.

186. This is it. Do you mind taking your shoes off?

187. It's not an OCD thing, I used to live in Japan, so...

188. Pretty sure you told me you never left Pasadena.

189. Okay, fine. It is an OCD thing, but you know, the Japanese are no dummies.

190. Okay.

191. Here I go.

192. I'm gonna sit on your sofa in the same jeans

193. that I just wore to sit on that park bench. Okay?

194. Now it's your turn. - I need to put on my inside clothes.

195. These are outside clothes. I just can't.

196. It's— - Hey. Yes, you can.

197. Just come sit here next to me. Come on. - Okay.

198. Open your eyes. - I'm scared.

199. I know you are, but I'm right here with you.

200. How's that feel? - It's okay.

201. I mean, shit, Wally.

202. Looks like you might be able to do anything.

203. Wally, you are incredible.

204. Oh, no. Okay. Wait. - Oh, my God.

205. I didn't see it coming. - I'm so sorry!

206. I'm so dumb.

207. Don't panic. - I don't know what I was thinking.

208. I think I misread the signs because you came over

209. and then you called me incredible, and I know that I'm not incredible. It's—

210. Hey, hold on. Wally, you are incredible.

211. And I— No, Wally. Not again. - Oh, my God!

212. This is the worst day of my life.

213. You know, it used to be shitting my pants in a Whole Foods,

214. and I mean it went everywhere, okay? But now this is it.

215. And I'm just freaking out! - Okay, don't freak out. You know why?

216. Because this happens all the time. - Really?

217. Nope, never happened before in my life. But that's okay, we're good.

218. Oh, my God. I'm a demented freak. - You are not. Hey, stop it!

219. It's okay because I'm fucking proud of what we accomplished today.

220. Goddamn it and son of a bitch.

221. Listen, you don't need to be upset.

222. Do I look upset? - No.

223. But I don't trust it. It's too much eye contact.

224. Fuck!

225. You just forgot your shoes, so... - Thanks.

226. That's why I yelled, "Fuck!" - Okay, bye.

227. Here, boo. - Thanks.

228. Who's Connor?

229. Nosy. - Yeah, I know.

230. Liz's son.

231. God. Of course she has a son named Connor.

232. Yeah, he's home from college.

233. He's a college boy? - College boy.

234. Is he a certified hottie?

235. Are you thinking about giving him a little smooch?

236. Been there, done that. - Really?

237. Yeah. - What base?

238. I fucked him.

239. So last base? - Yeah, it was my idea.

240. We were studying in Connor's room, and Liz was making lasagna.

241. And I was like,

242. "Hey, do you wanna maybe lose our virginities so we can get it over with?"

243. And he was like, "Cool. Do you want me to light a candle?"

244. Oh, no. Come on, Connor, not a candle. - I know.

245. But it's whatever. I'm glad it happened.

246. That's good. Great. - Yeah.

247. Your mom had the sex talk with you, right?

248. Like, she told you stuff like, you know, make sure you pee afterward.

249. Stuff like that? Good. - Yeah.

250. Mom talked to me about it all.

251. Like, birth control and making sure you're emotionally ready.

252. And she also said that if the penis is weird,

253. you can change your mind. - Yes, that is true.

254. 'Cause there are a lot of weird peepees out there.

255. Yeah, your mom was the best.

256. Did she tell you that, if things are taking too long,

257. you could always end things with a finger in the butt?

258. I'm sorry, what?

259. Is that his butt or my butt?

260. Any butt involved.

261. Hi. Sorry. I'm looking for Paul Rhoades.

262. So there's a waiting room just around the corner.

263. If you flick a switch, it'll let him know you're here.

264. I'm not a patient. He's my dad. I'm Meg.

265. Holy shit!

266. You're Connecticut Meg.

267. Hi. Wow. I'm Jimmy.

268. Pasadena Jimmy.

269. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

270. It's so good to finally meet you. - You too.

271. Oh, my God. I've heard a ton about you. Not really, but I would've liked to.

272. Paul's the office next door.

273. Thank you. - Yeah.

274. Why do you have potatoes on your table?

275. Well, Meg, your dad threw 'em at me.

276. So you guys are close? - Hard to say.

277. Yeah, I understand. - Oh, yeah.

278. There's a bite out of one of them.

279. He made me real mad,

280. and so I ate one passive aggressively raw, like an apple.

281. Paul! Look who I found.

282. Hi, Dad. - Meg.

283. Got a great daughter here, Paul.

284. I'm so relieved you think so.

285. Fucking guy.

286. I'm just saying, nobody should be allowed to leave the table

287. unless everybody's eaten. You know? - Agreed.

288. Full three-course meal. Snack, snack, snack.

289. What are you guys talking about? - The female orgasm.

290. Well, those aren't real.

291. Thank God you laughed at that. Yeah.

292. How did you stumble into that topic?

293. I think maybe, actually, he could handle this.

294. And maybe you should give him a chance to be cool dad.

295. I have had such a crappy day.

296. You have no idea how badly I need to be cool dad right now.

297. I can do it. I'm gonna fucking nail it. Let's go.

298. Okay.

299. Okay. I was just telling Gaby about

300. how before Connor went to college, we sort of slept together.

301. And you're okay of it— with it?

302. Yeah.

303. Did you use protection?

304. Of course.

305. And did he use protection?

306. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

307. I appreciate you two telling me about that.

308. Thanks, Cool Dad.

309. I didn't nail it.

310. I'm honestly— I'm just glad you told him.

311. Really? Why?

312. 'Cause it was either you or me.

313. Hey, Jimmy.

314. Christ, you're everywhere.

315. If only.

316. Are you okay?

317. Not now. Not now, Liz.

318. Well, I can see you're upset.

319. Hello?

320. Hello over there? - You can't help yourself, can you?

321. You gotta butt in.

322. Okay. All right. Let's do this, Liz.

323. You know how you're always criticizing me about my parenting?

324. Uh-huh. - Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay.

325. Guess what I just found out?

326. Somebody had sex with Alice.

327. I can't tell you who because I don't want to betray her trust,

328. but I'll let you guess.

329. It was Connor.

330. Oh, boy.

331. "Oh, boy." Is that all you got? "Oh, boy."

332. I don't know. It makes sense.

333. They spent so much time together.

334. I mean— - My head fucking hurts, Liz.

335. And lately, every time it hurts, it's because of you.

336. Except for once, I hit my head on the medicine cabinet. That was me.

337. The rest, you. Thank you.

338. Thank you for having my little daughter over there all the time.

339. I appreciate it. She was vulnerable. Your son took advantage of her!

340. That is not fair. Connor is so not the— - You know what? I'm not done yet.

341. Work was a shit show today too.

342. I got one patient avoiding me.

343. I got one who won't open up to me. I got one who made out with me.

344. I know you're not a mental health specialist, Liz,

345. but that's not good.

346. Normally, I would figure this out with Paul.

347. But because of you, he's only talking to me about potatoes!

348. You forgave me for that!

349. You're unforgiven.

350. Stay on your side of the fence, Liz.

351. You know what? From now on, you're banned from my house.

352. Banned? - You're banned!

353. You are banned and unforgiven.

354. I have to go inside now because I'm marching and pounding.

355. And I'm so, so mad!

356. Jimmy. - I am so mad, Liz.

357. Whatever you are looking for, it's not here.

358. Liz? Liz's purpose?

359. Liz's purpose, are you here? Liz's purpose?

360. It's not here! Go find your own purpose, your own friends.

361. I mean, shit, Liz. Get a life!

362. Oh, g— Great.

363. So, how's your mom? Yeah. - She's good.

364. She's bouncing around with her guy in Europe.

365. Am I gonna have to learn this one's name? - They've been married for six years.

366. I'll just call him "buddy."

367. I brought you a new photo of Mason.

368. Wow.

369. He's a handsome kid. - Yeah. He looks like his dad.

370. No. He looks like you.

371. That's what I was fishing for. - Beautiful.

372. Yeah. - I'll take it.

373. It's been too long.

374. How about if I find some time next month,

375. then I could stay with you guys for a bit?

376. Yeah, well, that would be...

377. that would be great.

378. But Mason's got lacrosse camp,

379. and Dave's mom is staying with us until her foot heals.

380. What's wrong with her foot? - Nobody knows.

381. Hey, look, I really would like to see more of you guys.

382. Okay. Well, we will find the time.

383. My car is almost here.

384. So, how is everything else? Are you feeling okay?

385. Everything good healthwise?

386. Everything's great. Just great.

387. Good. And are you still dating that art history professor?

388. No. - Oh, no! What happened?

389. She sounded nice. - She wanted me to go to Burning Man.

390. How dare she?

391. Can I— I'm gonna clean up before I go. Okay?

392. No. I got it. Leave it. - Are you sure?

393. Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks. - Bye.

394. Bye. - Bye.

395. You want me to kick Jimmy's ass?

396. No, it's okay.

397. Good, I love that guy.

398. Hey! There he is. How's it going, buddy? - Hey, Dad.

399. Hey, Mom. - Hi.

400. That's a long hug.

401. I'm just so happy to see you.

402. And I'm making your favorite pasta for dinner.

403. I was thinking I was gonna hit the Jacuzzi,

404. and then grab some tacos with the boys and go to Theo's.

405. Yeah, of course. Have fun.

406. Hey, what's the new dog's name? - That is Shit Rat.

407. Who's a good little Shit Rat? It's you.

408. Yeah. Awesome.

409. Great to see him. Needs a haircut.

410. What?

411. I've just never seen a grown man on a trampoline before.

412. Not even at Cirque du Soleil?

413. Knee drop.

414. Wow.

415. I'm just trying to work out some fucking simmering rage.

416. Aight. Anything I can do to help?

417. Yeah.

418. What happened to you when you were overseas?

419. What?

420. Look, I cannot help you if you don't talk to me.

421. I'm tired of you not opening up.

422. Let's do this.

423. What happened to "no pressure"?

424. I don't know, man. Come on.

425. I just really need a win today.

426. What do you say?

427. Fuck you. That's what I say.

428. Fuck me? - I know you heard me, James. Fuck you.

429. You know what?

430. If I wasn't your therapist, I'd say fuck you too!

431. I can do it. I can do it both ways.

432. Jumping. Jumping. Fuck you. Jumping.

433. Hey, Liz.

434. Hey.

435. Hey, Gaby. - This is cool.

436. So, how does this work?

437. The whole rock tumbling thing?

438. I go for hikes,

439. hunt for agates, bring 'em home, rinse 'em off,

440. pick out the good ones, cut them with my saw,

441. tumble them for two months,

442. and then I put them in glass jars in my bathroom

443. because it looks pretty when the light comes in.

444. I get it. So, like, for you this is all just like meditating.

445. No. It's not like meditating. It's like rocks.

446. What do you want?

447. I overheard Jimmy

448. ripping into you earlier,

449. and you didn't deserve that.

450. Everyone thinks I'm just a mom. I'm not.

451. I'm super cool.

452. I take photographs only on film.

453. People want my playlists.

454. I have tiny tattoos.

455. This one's my favorite. It's a Belgian loafer.

456. That's actually really fucking sick, Liz.

457. Thank you. And I do have friends.

458. It's just that my best friend got divorced and moved to Australia.

459. And we try to keep in touch,

460. but I don't know what fucking time it is over there.

461. Do you? - Yeah. No. Who cares, also?

462. And that's okay, 'cause I have Derek.

463. And I love Derek so much. But he's retiring soon,

464. and I can only love him for, like, an hour and 45 minutes a day.

465. It can't just be him following me from room to room,

466. asking me stupid questions about how things in the house work.

467. And maybe I did get too invested in Alice. Okay?

468. Maybe I did. I just don't understand

469. how stepping in and looking after a young girl,

470. who no one was taking care of, makes me the asshole.

471. Look, that's a lot. Okay?

472. You wanna get fucking drunk? - Very badly.

473. Gotta get this off my chest. I lied.

474. I didn't have a basketball that day.

475. Thank you. I lied.

476. Doing rocks is exactly like meditating.

477. I know, honey. I know. - Okay.

478. I know what you did.

479. I kept out all the medical power of attorney forms.

480. Everything else is signed.

481. So you weren't able to tell her?

482. It got complicated.

483. Yeah?

484. Don't sit down. It's over. - Right.

485. Hey, I'm no therapist, but I have dealt with this kind of an issue

486. with a lot of my clients. - Have you?

487. And— May I say one thing?

488. Speak. - Can I— Is it o—

489. Is it okay— - Oh, Jesus. Sit.

490. Yeah, thanks. I'll be—

491. If you're worried that she won't come through for you,

492. it's better to find out now.

493. No, that's not it.

494. What I— Well, what is it, then?

495. Off you go. Thanks. - Yeah.

496. You know, I actually think that this piece gonna go right— Sorry.

497. I'm sorry, Mr. Laird.

498. We were responsible, I promise.

499. That's good. That's nice to hear. - Okay, good.

500. We were just studying, and it happened.

501. Really just getting all the details.

502. She's just so pretty and cool.

503. And really assertive. You know?

504. I'm sorry.

505. You didn't do anything wrong, Connor.

506. Just because I don't like it so, so, so much

507. doesn't mean that it was wrong.

508. Still, I should've asked your permission. - No, don't do that.

509. Don't ever do that. No.

510. So,

511. she won't return my calls or texts or really anything.

512. Would you wanna tell her that I can't stop thinking about her?

513. Zero chance.

514. Should I— Okay. - Yeah, a hundred percent.

515. She kinda uses it as, like, a retreat. - Hey, Liz?

516. Yeah?

517. I'm sorry. I was really out of line.

518. That's okay.

519. I think I just had a really bad day.

520. Me too.

521. Liz, did I ever really thank you for everything that you did for Alice?

522. And for me?

523. No.

524. Thank you.

525. You're welcome.

526. That was beautiful, Jimmy. Come drink with us.

527. Come.

528. Derek and I didn't think Connor would lose his virginity till,

529. like, his mid-30s.

530. Yeah, Connor definitely wasn't driving that bus.

531. But you know what?

532. The one you should be worried about is Sean.

533. Totally.

534. They have an energy. I have seen it. - Yeah.

535. Sean is a nice kid, okay?

536. He's not like that. So— - Yeah, but he's not the issue.

537. Listen, Jimmy. You got a teenage girl.

538. We were those once. - Yeah.

539. And we were horny as fuck.

540. So horny as fuck.

541. Think about it.

542. You got a beautiful Black man back there, all that cacao skin,

543. glistening over in the pool house? With easy access?

544. Easy access?

545. If you have any empathy,

546. you will stop this conversation right now. Please?

547. You know, I had a Sean once. - Motherfucker.

548. His name was Allen.

549. He was my dad's paralegal.

550. And I gave him a really powerful hand job at the family brunch.

551. Under or over the pants?

552. Both.

553. And I used pancake butter.

554. It was amazing.

555. My Sean's name was Billy Worth.

556. Was it? - He worked in a yogurt shop.

557. And my mom found so many rainbow-colored sprinkles in my panties

558. that she thought I was banging a leprechaun.

559. Okay. You're wrong.

560. You're both wrong. I'll tell you why. One, you're both perverts, both of you.

561. Two, I'm taking this glass. I'll bring it back.

562. Three, no one wants a powerful hand job.

563. Four, I'm canceling any future brunches.

564. Number five, Sean is not beautiful. - He is.

565. Number six, fuck you.

566. Jimmy! Teenage girls be fucking!

567. They fuck.

568. Babe, Connor got laid.

569. Derek, don't be crude.

570. Okay. Have you seen the scissors?

571. Did you look in the drawer where we always keep them?

572. Great idea.

573. You know, my ex was addicted to painkillers.

574. That's way worse.

575. Hey. I need a little guy energy.

576. You watching the game? - 3-2 Dodgers.

577. Grab a seat. - Thanks.

578. Here's the ninth hitter. Brunson stops.

579. Hey, about earlier...

580. Look, I know it must be frustrating when I don't—

581. No, I made it about me.

582. That was some weak shit.

583. You know why I like living here?

584. When I was staying at my parents' crib,

585. they made me feel guilty for not getting better.

586. I never got that here. - Until today.

587. I fucked that up. I'm sorry.

588. You have a good night.

589. This game's going into extras, in case you wanna stay.

590. Sean, you up?

591. God, you're beautiful.