Shrinking 1x3

1. So we flew on a PJ— That's a private jet.

2. 'Cause I'm already COO of the company, you know?

3. First one under 40.

4. But I like to say that I'm also COO in the bedroom.

5. That's a joke.

6. But it is also 100% true.

7. Will you excuse me for a minute?

8. I might need to use the restroom.

9. Might?

10. Okay.

11. I have some feedback. - What the fuck are you doing here?

12. Alan, for months in our sessions,

13. I've listened to you obsess about ending up alone.

14. You've described these bad dates with superficial women

15. as though they're the problem? - What is happening? Don't eat my fries.

16. Listen, the trickiest part about therapy

17. is that sometimes a patient can be an unreliable narrator.

18. So, I started to wonder if maybe you were completely full of shit.

19. Now I know. You're full of shit, Alan.

20. You need to go. - No, no, no.

21. This is good news, because now we can get down to work.

22. This guy that I was listening to, that's not you.

23. I want you to start letting these women see the kind, charming,

24. vulnerable guy that I've met in our sessions.

25. Here she comes.

26. Just be you.

27. Fuck off. - Be you.

28. I cried four times today.

29. Oh, my God.

30. Shit! Fuck!

31. Shit fuck? You gotta look up.

32. I'm sorry. For being in the pool house.

33. Excuse me?

34. 'Cause you're definitely staying in the pool house,

35. so there's no reason for you to be in my kitchen.

36. You can use regular sarcasm with me,

37. because all that complicated shit you just did is—

38. I think it's a little unnecessary.

39. I was cleaning up. Old army habit.

40. Wait, what happened to the orchid that was on the counter?

41. That pot of dirt with the stick in it?

42. I threw it out. I thought it had passed.

43. You thought it had passed?

44. I did. Was it a friend of yours? I'm very sorry for your loss.

45. Don't touch shit that's not yours.

46. Okay.

47. I'ma get it out of the trash. - No, just forget it. Just forge—

48. It's okay. You want it, you got it. One zombie orchid coming right up.

49. May I help you? - Just looking for a dead plant.

50. That is not your trash.

51. Okay. Let's start over.

52. So, my name is Sean, and I'm guessing you're Karen?

53. It's Pam. - Pam, the family knows him.

54. Why don't you go home and post some shit on Nextdoor

55. on how the neighborhood's changing?

56. He's staying with us, Pam.

57. Were you dropping off some welcome muffins?

58. Wait, the guy that almost beat someone to death is staying with you?

59. Jimmy, what the fuck are you doing? - It's fine. Alice is cool with it.

60. No, I'm not. But I agree Pam's a racist.

61. I'm moving into VA housing. - Hey, you don't owe her an explanation.

62. Why am I the bad guy?

63. Liz and I are just trying to protect the neighborhood.

64. Stop. There's no "Liz and I."

65. You need me over here, babe? - No.

66. Ugh, thank God.

67. Hey, Jimmy. - Hey, Derek.

68. Hey, Pam. - Hey.

69. No. There's no "Hey, Pam." We don't like Pam.

70. Got it.

71. Eat a dick, Pam.

72. I like that guy.

73. Hey. Tia and I used to do this hike with Gaby and her husband.

74. That's a great story.

75. Give me a signal if your heart stops. - Okay.

76. I'll probably just go with vomiting.

77. Hey. - Hey, Brian.

78. Just on a hike with my dad.

79. That's too mean.

80. How do you know everybody?

81. I live two blocks from here and nobody's waved at me.

82. Fuck you.

83. That was almost a wave.

84. How does he have friends? Seriously.

85. Such a bad guy.

86. Really good at punching though. So— So strong.

87. Hey. Let's get some drinks tonight.

88. We can invite Gaby.

89. I didn't get to see her much when you cut me out of your life

90. for being too kind and supportive.

91. Yeah. I haven't hung out with her much lately either.

92. Unfortunately without Tia, Gaby thinks that we're old and boring.

93. What?

94. Well, let's show her how we did it in college.

95. Except for, you know, much earlier and with way fewer drinks,

96. and a lot less of me declaring I'm an absolute pussy hound.

97. I miss straight Brian. - Yeah.

98. He used to say things like, "Aren't vulvas gorgeous?"

99. Are they not?

100. I mean, they're all right.

101. Yeah.

102. They're not like, the main attraction, or anything.

103. Right. Right. - Yeah.

104. Blood work looks good.

105. Ah, your cholesterol has gone up a smidge.

106. Do you remember that talk we had about eating healthier?

107. I do. I ignored it. - Terrific.

108. It took us a while but we found the right combination of meds.

109. Your reflexes, motor skills, all seem great.

110. Good.

111. How is your emotional health?

112. I know what's coming, you know? I just—

113. I try not to dwell.

114. Whenever I need it, I put on one of my favorite sad songs

115. and just let myself grieve for 15 straight minutes.

116. But once my alarm beeps, I shake it off, and get the fuck on with my life.

117. Hey. - Hey.

118. Cute dress. What's the occasion?

119. It's the first day with my new car. I gotta make an effort.

120. Yeah, I still need a name for her.

121. I was thinking about Shadowfax,

122. which everybody knows is the name of Gandalf's horse in Lord of the Rings.

123. Nobody knows that. - Okay, but that's what makes it cool.

124. I was also considering Deborah,

125. Mildred and Barack.

126. But I don't know.

127. Hey, why don't I pick you up, and then take you to your meeting later?

128. That way, you can see how lil Debbie handles?

129. Oh, shit. I just made my choice.

130. No, thanks.

131. I just can't listen to your music today.

132. Cool.

133. Have a good day.

134. The story of a girl

135. Who cried a river And drowned the whole world

136. And while she looks so sad In photographs

137. I absolutely love her When she motherfucking what?

138. Smiles

139. Your clothes never wear As well the next day

140. Your hair never falls In quite the same way

141. You never seem to Run out of things to say

142. New Tesla, bitch.

143. This is the story of a girl

144. Who cried a river And drowned the whole world

145. And while she looks so sad In photographs

146. I absolutely love her When she—

147. Are you fucking serious?

148. Oh, my God.

149. This fucking car is brand-new.

150. Dude!

151. New car, huh? Nice. Were you backing up?

152. It's not my fault.

153. Gaby's new car's got an enormous bumper.

154. So you're saying Debbie was asking for it?

155. That's a great name. She looks like a Debbie.

156. Thank you. - Yeah.

157. Hey, talk to him. - I don't want to.

158. I know, but you have to. - Don't make me do it.

159. Okay, you're a little dick.

160. Paul, you think it's safe for you to still be driving?

161. You know? With the Parkinson's?

162. I passed the mandatory motor skills test a few months ago.

163. I'm just a shitty driver.

164. You think it's worth the risk though, you know? I can just drive you to work.

165. No, it's, like, way out of your way.

166. I live a block away from you. I can take you.

167. You're a lot in the morning.

168. What? Exsqueeze me?

169. I'll drive myself. - Oh, my God.

170. Hey, I think you're fun in the morning.

171. You do? Thank you.

172. Well, maybe next time you can fucking say something. Okay?

173. Sorry.

174. I'm taking my car in. You're picking me up later, fucker.

175. Why did they think the Parkinson's caused the accident?

176. Because it can interfere with your ability to judge distances.

177. That blows.

178. No, it doesn't blow, 'cause that's not what happened.

179. I meant, it will blow. Eventually.

180. Thank you for clarifying.

181. So, did you do it? Did you have your dinner with your dad?

182. If we have dinner right now, he'll just act like a total idiot.

183. He might. He often does.

184. Maybe I'll fuck it up.

185. I'm not really a great hang right now.

186. I wasn't gonna say.

187. You haven't even offered me a pretzel.

188. Everything's putting me in a shitty mood.

189. Even a plant being thrown away.

190. It wasn't even my mom's favorite plant or anything,

191. I just pictured her watering it.

192. Grief's a crafty little fucker.

193. Sneaks up on you.

194. I have something you can try.

195. Takes about 15 minutes.

196. Are you gonna tell me or...

197. Well, my mouth is a little dry.

198. Stole your snacks.

199. You look great.

200. Hey, man.

201. I know this is your time and you love these workouts and everything,

202. but I'm sort of spinning out about something over here.

203. Do you mind if we leave a little early? - I could go. Yeah.

204. Hey. - Hey.

205. Is this new? - Jimmy makes me fight people for money.

206. Hey, that— that's not true. - Wha—

207. That's just some good, clean, consensual assault.

208. Okay. Sounds like fun.

209. Liz, I don't know what you're doing.

210. But I just saw a friend do some fucked-up shit

211. and I gotta confront her tonight, so now's not the time.

212. No, no. I— I just came over to apologize for this morning.

213. I'm gonna stop butting into your life.

214. Okay. Thanks, Liz.

215. Well, I mean, I thought you'd be happier.

216. Well, like I said, I have some stuff on my mind.

217. Also I don't believe in a million, billion years you'll ever butt out of my shit.

218. I swear on my son's life.

219. Which one? - You can pick.

220. Connor. - Not Connor. He's the best one.

221. Just you watch, I am gonna stay out of your shit.

222. And secondly,

223. what'd your friend do?

224. Liz, you have a problem.

225. It was a joke. Good night.

226. Liz, if you turn around now, I'll tell you what my friend did.

227. We'll meet again.

228. Hey. - Hey, Julie. Thanks for coming in.

229. What's the emergency? I left a drinks date for you.

230. Well, you must not like him that much if you left him for me.

231. You're not wrong.

232. Hey, look. I wanna take the driving assessment again.

233. What's the rush? - Had a little fender bender.

234. Please, for me.

235. Okay. Let's do it.

236. Don't people dress up for dates?

237. Are you sure the equipment's gonna work with you dressed so casually?

238. You shut up.

239. I've never played, but I'm a natural athlete.

240. So, I'm going in. - Okay.

241. Well, since you're a cornhole virgin— - I'm quite sure I'm not.

242. Okay. Well, there's something I want you to know.

243. When you make it in, you have to yell, "Cornhole," like, super loud.

244. That's gonna be fun. - So fun.

245. Hey, so who picked you up today?

246. What are you talking about? - The car thing.

247. Who'd you end up getting to pick you up? - Yeah. Nico picked me up.

248. Nico is the best.

249. He is, yeah. - Really, really is.

250. Double really. One of the greats.

251. That must be amazing to become one with such an amazing, amazing gentleman.

252. Are you trying to fuck Nico?

253. I saw you kiss someone today, Gab.

254. Okay. Jimmy—

255. It's not cheating. - Really?

256. It looked pretty— It looked cheaty. I mean, come on. It was like this.

257. Don't do that.

258. Keep your tongue in.

259. What the fuck is going on?

260. Look. I've been wanting to tell you this for a while,

261. but Nico and I are getting a divorce.

262. Cornhole!

263. I taught him that.

264. Fuck.

265. Look, compared to your shit, this is nothing, okay. It's amicable.

266. And now Nico's fully available in case you still wanna hit that.

267. Christ.

268. How's he doing with his s— How's he doing with his sobriety?

269. You know, he has his ups and downs as usual.

270. But look, I'm kind of relieved that this isn't my problem anymore.

271. I'm sorry, Gab.

272. Stop that. Stop. You're doing sad face.

273. This is just face. I have resting dead wife face.

274. Why don't you say something really exciting?

275. I won the lottery, man.

276. Thank God.

277. Look, I'm gonna be okay, all right? Just be happy for me.

278. Cornhole!

279. He's got the whole bar doing it.

280. Cornhole! - Good game.

281. Great game. Great game, you guys.

282. I've become their king.

283. Well, I just told Jimmy that I'm getting a divorce.

284. Gaby. - No, she's happy about it.

285. Then congrats. You look amazing. - Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you.

286. You're gonna have so much sex. - I am.

287. See, that's how it's done.

288. Hello.

289. Hey. - Are you— You okay?

290. Yeah.

291. I'm doing this thing where I grieve hard for 15 minutes a day.

292. Just to get it all out.

293. Like how I pee before bed so I can sleep through the night.

294. Isn't that just for old people?

295. I think it's for people of all ages.

296. Okay. - Okay. Well, I love you.

297. Be brave! Be brave! Fuck.

298. Every fucking time.

299. Fuck.

300. It's so hot.

301. Hey. - Hey.

302. Can I have some dinner?

303. Yes. Dinner. Yes.

304. I appreciate you trying not to make a big deal out of this.

305. It's so hard.

306. Too much. - Yes, I know.

307. Just can't believe there's a waiting list for VA Housing, man.

308. Hey, don't worry about it, all right?

309. You'll just— You'll stay with me until we get it figured out.

310. I really appreciate this, bro. - Yeah.

311. Look, I appreciate you taking the car home.

312. I could use the cardio.

313. Feel a little outta shape. I been getting a little soft.

314. What the fuck, man? Did you just nod? - No.

315. You're supposed to say, "No, you don't. You look fucking great, man."

316. No, you don't. You look fucking great, man.

317. Too late, Sean. You know what, we're gonna talk about this in our next session.

318. Jesus Christ, Paul!

319. I passed the driver's test again.

320. Cool. I just shit my pants.

321. How's it going with the people-pleasing?

322. I've, like, completely stopped doing things to make anyone else happy.

323. Which isn't true at all 'cause I just said that to make you happy.

324. But I'm sorry. And I'll probably send you a— a sorry card.

325. Grace, go easy on yourself. You are doing so well.

326. You're setting boundaries. You're being independent.

327. You're focusing on self-care.

328. In Vancouver, you're— you're kind of a badass.

329. Shut up. Um, no, I'm ju— I'm just grateful that you made me leave Donny.

330. You're the one who did the leaving, not me. Be proud.

331. Okay. I am. I'm proud.

332. Great. All right, and work on that people-pleasing.

333. Go fuck yourself. I'm kidding. Or I'm— I'm not people-pleasing. Bye!

334. And she's gone. Okay.

335. Annie, go on in there, and I'll be with you in a second.

336. Jim! Jim-Jam, what's up? Hey. - Hey.

337. So, I signed the divorce papers. It's official.

338. That's awesome. - Yeah.

339. I told Brian that he would be an embarrassment to gay men

340. if he couldn't go out with me two nights in a row.

341. We're gonna swing by my place tonight,

342. and we're gonna do a couple of celebratory Jell-O shots.

343. Are you in?

344. It's like a divorce party. Yeah. - Yeah.

345. I mean, I'm supposed to swing by my friend's brain tumor bonanza first.

346. That's fucking dark, but you're not gonna kill my vibe.

347. I'll see you later. Bye. - Okay.

348. Annie. Hey.

349. Can we talk? - I told you, I passed the test.

350. I don't need another lecture.

351. It's about Gaby.

352. I was kinda looking forward to a fight.

353. Yeah, I could tell.

354. My mom says if I fail science, she's taking me off the pill.

355. But what fucking sucks is if I do go off the pill, my acne will get bad again.

356. Which is kind of its own birth control.

357. Please. High school boys don't even care if you have a face.

358. I know.

359. Stay out of the house. Also, why are you even back?

360. VA Housing didn't work out, so I'm gonna be staying for a bit longer.

361. Great.

362. Well, I'm glad you're here. I'm Summer. What's your name?

363. Nope.

364. Had to try.

365. What? He's kinda cute. I'd give him housing in my V or A.

366. You'd do what?

367. Okay, I'm taking a picture of us right now.

368. Oh, my God. - This is so cute.

369. Oh, my God.

370. Gaby wants me to go to her divorce party tonight.

371. So? - I don't wanna. Feels fake.

372. I can assure you Gaby is getting a divorce.

373. It's pissing me off.

374. Makes sense. Divorce is always hardest on the coworkers.

375. She's totally in denial. She's acting like she's super psyched about it.

376. And I know what you're gonna say. - No, you don't.

377. I'm triggered because Gaby is choosing to end a marriage

378. and I didn't get to make that choice. - Okay, you did know.

379. Come on, kiddo. You don't get to dictate how other people grieve.

380. So, Gaby puts on a brave face. Who gives a shit?

381. Me, I gotta kick and scream for a while before I face the truth

382. but then I face it like a hero.

383. But you, who knows how you grieve?

384. You haven't even begun.

385. What are you talking about? I've been grieving for a fucking year.

386. No. You've been numbing.

387. Drugs, booze, women.

388. I told you that I stopped all that.

389. Yeah, but you replaced it with being overly involved in your patients' lives.

390. I'm not sure that I can show up tonight with a smile on my face.

391. It's not about you. It's about her.

392. Are you going?

393. I wasn't invited. Thank God.

394. But I can give you a trick to help get through it.

395. Takes about 15 minutes.

396. Pick a piece of music, something sad as hell, and just feel your feelings.

397. Hey, Siri, play "I Know the End" by Phoebe Bridgers.

398. Now playing "I Know the End" by Phoebe Bridgers.

399. Look, I know you think it won't work.

400. But it will if you really open yourself up

401. and aren't a complete chicken shit for once.

402. Fuck you, Phoebe Bridgers!

403. Fuck you, Phoebe Bridgers.

404. Fuck!

405. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. How are you already crying so hard?

406. No. I was crying before.

407. This one's cute. Does he have a name?

408. Derek named him. This is Shit Rat.

409. Yeah. 'Cause he looks like a rat and he eats his own shit.

410. She gets it. He'll be renamed when he's adopted.

411. Or not. I mean, it's pretty perfect. - Are you coming to my game next week?

412. I wouldn't miss it. - Okay.

413. Sweetie, are you hungry? Did you eat enough poop?

414. Yo, is your neighbor lady always kinda hanging around like that?

415. Pretty much. She took over parenting me for a while,

416. so I try and throw her a bone every now and again.

417. Watch this. Liz!

418. I almost forgot to tell you I got an A on my history paper.

419. You're awesome. I knew you could.

420. There is no paper.

421. I'm sorry I'm still here. - It's fine.

422. It's clearly not.

423. Uh.

424. It's not you. I'm kind of all over the place.

425. And I was having a good day, and then my friend posted a pic of me smiling,

426. and I felt kinda guilty. And...

427. I don't know. It's like I shouldn't be smiling.

428. It's a mess.

429. I get that.

430. Maybe just try not to throw any more plants away?

431. I'm sorry.

432. But honestly, that plant was deader than your mom.

433. What the fuck, dude?

434. Damn, that's brutal.

435. Yeah. What is that? What is that on your face? Is that a smile?

436. I didn't even know you had teeth.

437. "Miss I Don't Smile." - No, I'm not smiling.

438. I'm Alice. I don't be smiling. This you. I'm you right now. I'm not smiling.

439. Gaby! I made it.

440. When I say "Di," you say "vorce!" Divorce, "Di..."

441. "... vorce."

442. You know, you didn't have to pretend for me.

443. I wasn't pretending.

444. I think I-I just feel guilty.

445. I mean, what if this whole thing makes Nico bottom out again?

446. Well, there's an easy solution for that.

447. You just put your own joy aside and stay with him forever.

448. You win. I'll get divorced.

449. Yes.

450. Another one for the kid.

451. You know what's the worst part about this whole thing?

452. No. Tell me.

453. Never mind. - Don't do that. Just tell me.

454. I just...

455. I really miss Tia.

456. I really wish she was here right now.

457. Like, instead of you.

458. The fuck? - No.

459. I didn't— Look, you're okay. It's just, she was my— my person.

460. We shared everything.

461. Like, she knew what Nico's dick looked like.

462. I know what your dick looks like.

463. Okay.

464. I just really fucking miss her.

465. Yeah.

466. See, I-I-I can't talk to you about stuff like this.

467. No, no, no, no, no. - It's wrong. No. It's not my place.

468. It's not wrong. It's not wrong.

469. You lost your best friend. I can be here for you.

470. Hey, come here.

471. Do you really know what my dick looks like?

472. Yeah.

473. Hello. Divorce party.

474. Yeah. Probably don't need the hat now. I'll just—

475. What'd she say about it?

476. Like that.

477. It's actually— It's like that. It's east.

478. Doesn't make it better.

479. All right, that should do it. Thank you for shopping with us.

480. Thanks. Have a good one.

481. Hi. Uh, I don't know if you remember me. - Hi.

482. Okay, tell me.

483. Jimmy's Super Bowl parties.

484. The neighbor. You're very proud of your cookies.

485. Liz. - Liz.

486. And my cookies are perfect. - Okay. Um...

487. You know, Alice has been telling me how much you've been talking to her

488. and helping her, and she thinks you're very smart.

489. I am.

490. I've become very attached to Alice, maybe too attached. I don't know.

491. It's irrelevant. Either way, there's something that's bothering me,

492. but I can't go to Jimmy because I have been way too up in his business lately.

493. I can't imagine that for a minute.

494. Look, I'm probably just spinning. I mean he's only been there a few days.

495. But I saw them together and it seemed very flirty.

496. I just need you to tell me that everything's okay.

497. Everything's okay. - Really? Okay. Great.

498. I have no idea what the hell we're talking about.

499. The kid, Sean, living at their house.

500. I did not know that.

501. Well, fuck!

502. Hey, Paul. - You moved a patient into your house?

503. Pool house. - Do you remember what you promised me?

504. About Alice, yes.

505. That you would not let your rebel therapist bullshit

506. fuck with her well-being.

507. Why is it so hard for you to put your daughter first?

508. Honestly, I think I'm done with you.

509. Done— Done with me? What does that even mean?

510. I don't know yet. I just know we're not speaking.

511. Okay, can you just let me explain myself please?

512. Hello?

513. Are you seriously not answering me? Do you have any idea how childish that is?

514. I'm good with it. Goodbye.

515. No. You know what? Hold on one second.

516. What? You're all upset now about—

517. about crossing lines like you're not all up in my shit?

518. You think I don't know where Alice got that 15 minutes thing from?

519. Paul, you've been talking to her behind my back.

520. Yeah? So what of it? You got something to say?

521. Yeah. You know what, I do.

522. Thank you.

523. It's good.

524. Hey. Want some cake?

525. Liz sent it over to congratulate me on acing an imaginary history paper.

526. Let's have some cake.

527. Paul?

528. Are you serious right now?

529. You should lock your car. Any old psycho could get in.

530. Paul, you can't just be running around Pasadena getting in Black women's Teslas.

531. You mind if I hitch a ride to work with you from now on?

532. I-I passed my driver's test, but I— but I wanna go out on my own terms.

533. Like a fucking hero.

534. Do you wanna talk about it? - I do not.

535. Hey, Paul. It's Jimmy. Declining my calls again, huh?

536. And I get why you're freaked out. I really do, but you're overreacting.

537. Alice and Sean are getting along great.

538. I'm starting to feel better too. My patients are really thriving.

539. Look, man, this thing I'm doing is really working.

540. I'ma call you back.

541. Come on. Just come on.

542. Oh, shit.