Shrinking 1x2

1. Fuck.

2. It's creepy how you always sit alone in the dark.

3. I cannot condemn you to live in the bowels of hell for all eternity.

4. I love you too much.

5. What? - Gary Oldman? Dracula?

6. No? - No.

7. Hey, I gotta go bail Sean out of jail before work.

8. But I have a meeting with your counselor later.

9. What's he gonna tell me about you?

10. He might ask, "How's Alice feeling after you getting beat up at her soccer game?"

11. Unless, maybe he doesn't even know about it.

12. He was holding an ice pack to your face.

13. Malik. I like that guy.

14. He was tender.

15. Hey, if you wanna have dinner tonight...

16. I'm busy. It's Taco Tuesday.

17. Yes. My favorite vaguely racist weekly food holiday.

18. Who you having tacos with?

19. Got it.

20. You know, if you ever do wanna have dinner, I'm around.

21. I'll be here,

22. right in my corner.

23. Bye.

24. Love you.

25. Have a great day. - I'm sure it'll be awesome.

26. Say it. - Not everyone here is a fucking idiot.

27. Attagirl.

28. Morning, Jimmy. - Hey, man.

29. So I did just what you told me. I didn't pressure her or anything.

30. I just casually asked her to have dinner with me, and guess what?

31. She basically told me to go fuck myself.

32. Could we have this conversation after I have my coffee?

33. Nope. Look, I know you said

34. I'm supposed to let her come to me, but I'm starting to lose hope.

35. Well, it's understandable.

36. You've been trying this approach for almost ten minutes.

37. Good sarcasm, Paul.

38. You can't force it. You were checked out for almost a year.

39. I just let you know that I would be there for you when you were ready.

40. Alice will have dinner with you when she's ready.

41. Until then, you just wait.

42. That's how it is with people that you love.

43. You just said you love me.

44. No, I did not.

45. Well, it sounded like you did.

46. I'm not ready to say it back just yet, but—

47. What's with the sirens? Where are you?

48. All right, look, Paul, I'm just gonna be completely honest with you...

49. You've been very supportive lately,

50. so I decided I was gonna bring you doughnuts.

51. Then I got down here to the doughnut shop

52. and apparently, this place has been robbed.

53. There's shattered glass and blood everywhere.

54. Could be jelly. It's probably jelly.

55. Anyways, looks like today's not doughnut day for us, Paul,

56. but I'll see you at work.

57. Okay. Bye.

58. Oh, shit.

59. Now I want a doughnut.

60. Thanks for coming.

61. Morning. - Fuck you.

62. How come your folks didn't come bail you out?

63. I never called 'em.

64. Hey, do you know any lawyers? This dude is definitely coming after me.

65. Yes, I know one.

66. Is he like an asshole or something?

67. No. He is the best. - Great.

68. I've just been hiding from him for a year.

69. Oh, my God.

70. Look.

71. What do I do? - Answer it.

72. I'm not ready. - You are.

73. How do I look? - Great, but it's just a phone call.

74. Oh, my God. - Just answer it.

75. Jimmy?

76. Hello? - Hi, Brian!

77. That was normal.

78. Paul cannot know about this shit.

79. God, you look like ass, Jimmy. - Yeah, I know.

80. Is Sean okay?

81. Sean is fine, but my patient's husband got fucked up.

82. What?

83. What happened to you? - I fell, man.

84. How? - How?

85. I got these new shoes here, and I— They got no grip.

86. I should've got ones with grip.

87. These non-grippy shoes, they'll fuck you up.

88. So, you fell onto your eye? - Yes.

89. You got very close to me. Okay.

90. Because of your non-grippy shoes?

91. Yeah. Right on it.

92. Like...

93. I did this like a cartoon, Paul. - That's crazy.

94. And then he went right into a side table.

95. Do you have any side or little tables, Paul?

96. I do. - That's cool.

97. Do you have a TV where you can just watch tennis matches with people?

98. As in one of the old ones, the deep, old, square ones that are very heavy?

99. Like a Zenith?

100. Look, I don't have people in my home. It's not that I'm antisocial.

101. I'd argue that that's the definition of antisocial.

102. I know you do this to shame me 'cause I'm a somewhat private person,

103. but it just strengthens my resolve.

104. "Somewhat private"?

105. I've known you for years. I've never been inside your apartment, house,

106. I have no idea. Never met your daughter.

107. Yeah, what is she like? - She lives in Connecticut.

108. Wow. It's like she's in the room.

109. Look, I'm pro-boundaries.

110. I'm always there for my patients,

111. just not for my very needy colleagues.

112. Oh, shit. - No.

113. He means you. - That was you.

114. No. Nuh-uh. - He meant you.

115. He did. - I'm sorry about her.

116. My family is for me.

117. My home is my Fortress of Solitude.

118. Fortress of Solitude should be the name of your memoir.

119. I'm never gonna tell you the name of my memoir.

120. Very spicy today. - Well, he's mad because I said,

121. "memoir," and clearly it's... - "Mem-wah."

122. "... mem-wah." - That would make a lot of people mad.

123. Yeah. This is my peepaw, and this is my "mem-wah."

124. My sister and I have been acting like teenagers again.

125. Drinking too much, staying up late.

126. Oh, my God. Last night we prank called our old high school principal.

127. Turns out he's dead, so not that fun. - How'd he die?

128. He was murdered by the guidance counselor.

129. Wow. That's a surprise.

130. Why are you hiding from me?

131. Can you move your camera? I can't see your whole face.

132. Yeah.

133. How's that? Is that better?

134. It's like your chair's moving, but you're not moving your camera.

135. That's weird. My chair is staying totally still.

136. It must be some sort of weird optical illusion, or maybe it's a filter.

137. Grace, our time is up. - What?

138. But I did wanna tell you you're doing really great, okay?

139. We'll talk again next week. Bye.

140. So, the place is, like, hopping like I've never seen it, okay?

141. So, I'm thinking I'm just gonna skate on through,

142. but guess who just stops everything and asks me how my day is going?

143. I bet I know, Dan.

144. The barista. - Yeah!

145. The fucking barista.

146. Again. - Again.

147. Why don't you just make my fucking coffee?

148. Absolutely.

149. Or you could just answer his question.

150. I mean, I'm just— Thoughts? - Have a couple. "Fuck" and "that."

151. Why should I make small talk with this guy?

152. You know, maybe it gives him joy.

153. Hearing about my fucking day would give him joy, really?

154. It's definitely my happy place, Dan.

155. You wanna know what I think?

156. I think maybe this whole "I hate everyone" shtick,

157. it's led to you living a pretty isolated life.

158. Aren't you getting tired of being lonely?

159. 'Cause I'll tell you something. I'm fucking lonely, Dan.

160. I really am quite lonely.

161. Sucks.

162. Yeah.

163. It does.

164. You feel like some coffee, Dan? I feel like some coffee.

165. Hey there. How may I help you? - Stan.

166. His name's Dan. Your names rhyme.

167. That's pretty fun, huh?

168. I will fucking kill you.

169. Just a couple Americanos, please.

170. No problem. How's your day going?

171. My day started out slow, but now it's picking up.

172. Dan?

173. My day was going okay, but now it's bad.

174. Tell me about it.

175. We ran out of oat milk. Everyone here is losing their shit.

176. Fuck oat milk. - Yes.

177. Thank you.

178. I'll get those drinks going.

179. Hated that. - I don't believe you.

180. Oh, shit. I gotta run.

181. Session's over. Have fun.

182. Wait. You said you were gonna pay.

183. Hello. Sorry I'm late.

184. I was with a patient, but I'm here.

185. We started without you.

186. I didn't know if Liz was filling in permanently or...

187. No. Just the two times. - Three times.

188. Three times? Okay.

189. I should go. Should I go?

190. No. It's fine. The more, the merrier.

191. Happy to be here. - It's quite a shiner.

192. I mean, obviously, yesterday was a lot.

193. I agree.

194. Thank you for cradling my head, by the way.

195. I was just telling Liz that Alice dropped off the debate team.

196. She didn't feel like she had the time, 'cause of soccer and everything,

197. and I— You go.

198. Me? Sure.

199. Well, I agree with Liz.

200. She's currently very focused on the sport of soccer.

201. Her English teacher, Mr. Alto, tells me she isn't very social anymore.

202. Mr. Alto sounds like a narc.

203. I don't care for him either.

204. He's my husband.

205. Oh, my gosh. - I think he's great.

206. Congratulations. - I just meant she's distracted

207. probably cause he's so handsome. - Yeah, that's it.

208. Has Alice started to look at colleges?

209. No, I asked her if she wanted to go to a big state school or a small—

210. I'm sorry. You go. - Yeah.

211. Her mom and I took her to the East Coast last year,

212. and she fell in love with a few small liberal arts colleges.

213. Williams, Amherst, Vassar.

214. Jimmy, you got this.

215. I'm gonna leave you to it. - Okay.

216. It's so good that you're here. - Thanks.

217. It's great that you're leaving.

218. Do you know if Alice plans on taking any AP courses next year?

219. Liz! - I'm back.

220. Thanks. - Yes?

221. AP courses?

222. Well, she loves science, so I was thinking physics with Ms. Amend.

223. Yes, exactly. I love that. - Yeah.

224. Maybe we could do, like, a powwow... - Powwow.

225. and we'll think of how to talk to the coaches.

226. Yes. - She has— does the soccer

227. and then she'll ease on to debate... - Ease on to debate.

228. when the season's over. - Right.

229. We can circle back. - Yeah, we'll circle back.

230. It was so humiliating. Like, I get it.

231. Liz has been absolutely amazing with Alice.

232. At the same time, Alice is my fucking kid.

233. Hey, anybody that helps us raise our kids with love and respect,

234. we should be grateful.

235. That's true, but also, somebody's gotta tell this white lady she needs

236. to back up a little bit, you know?

237. I should point out I am also white.

238. You are so white.

239. Okay, so are you, Paul.

240. No, I'm not. I'm a silver fox.

241. That's true. - Thank you.

242. You know, I actually met Liz with Tia before her last son left for college.

243. She is a real mama bear type. - Right?

244. For realsies. You need to tell her she's not the mama.

245. You the mama.

246. I'm the mama. - Say it like you mean it.

247. You the mama! - I'm the mama.

248. You the mama. - You the mama.

249. I'm the mama. - You're the mama.

250. I'm the fucking mama!

251. Yep. Now, go get her ass.

252. Thank you! I'm the mama!

253. You are the mama. - Go get her.

254. Is there any way he'll say that to her face?

255. No.

256. My client has a fractured cheekbone and is suffering from severe emotional distress.

257. Let's not waste each other's time. Unless you drop the assault charges—

258. Why the fuck would I do that?

259. Because I have 30 eyewitnesses

260. who saw you walk straight up to a well-respected therapist

261. and viciously attack him in an unprovoked assault.

262. What my client did was stop his therapist from being killed.

263. There's no crime here.

264. And if you wanna discuss damages,

265. the therapist in question is willing to testify

266. that due to your client's violent attack,

267. he is now suffering from headaches.

268. My head hurts and I can't focus,

269. and I'm— Well, I'm pretty close to shitting my pants.

270. Oh, God.

271. What does— Did the meeting start yet?

272. Yeah, bud. This is it.

273. It's okay. You're doing great.

274. Tragic.

275. Keep walking.

276. Yeah! Holy shit. That was incredible.

277. Love threatening bullies.

278. That guy's a bully, right? - Yeah.

279. We destroyed them.

280. What'd I tell you? Everything goes my way.

281. He says that a lot.

282. It's kinda my mantra. Everything goes my way.

283. Well, you fucking killed that shit, man. How often do you do that?

284. Never. I'm an estate attorney.

285. That was the biggest rush of my life.

286. I am Atticus Finch. I am Julianna Margulies. I am Elle Woods!

287. We should do something.

288. Should we go clubbing? It's 2:00 p.m.

289. Should we get ice cream? - Fuck yeah.

290. Guys, I can't.

291. You never say no to ice cream. - I know, but I gotta get back to work.

292. But, Brian, truly incredible. - Thanks.

293. Wait. We're playing pickleball tonight.

294. You're coming. 8:00 p.m. Same place. Be there.

295. I can't. - Come on, man. It'll be like the old days.

296. I know.

297. Aren't y'all, like, best friends or something?

298. What'd you do?

299. I don't know.

300. What the fuck is pickleball?

301. Fastest-growing sport in America. Don't get left behind.

302. Maybe for white people.

303. Hey. You wanna come out with me tonight? Don't say no right away.

304. Why? What's happening?

305. "Drinks Under the Bridge."

306. Come on. Literally everyone will be there.

307. Mark has White Claws and if, like, one of us pretends we wanna fuck him,

308. he said he'd save a black cherry for us.

309. And we can drink a lot. Like, I wanna throw up.

310. Yeah, no.

311. I swear it's gonna be fun, and we're gonna dance, we're gonna move,

312. and then we could take pictures that are, like, really blurry,

313. and I could caption it, "Low-quality pics with high-quality friends."

314. Isn't that good?

315. Am I selling you at all? Please.

316. Bye. - It's gonna be f— Bye, see you there.

317. Summer's so dumb.

318. She wants me to go to this thing called Drinks Under the Bridge.

319. What is that?

320. It's where they go and have drinks under a bridge.

321. Well, then it's a very good name for it.

322. They just all act so immature.

323. Well, they are immature. They're teenagers.

324. They haven't been through what you've been through.

325. Well, then, they're lucky.

326. For now.

327. Nobody gets through this life unscathed.

328. Not you, not me, Mr. Shaky Hands.

329. But then you're left with a choice.

330. Are you gonna let your grief drown you,

331. or are you gonna face it and come through the other side?

332. I just miss her,

333. and no one gets it.

334. I know someone who does.

335. He's tall and he calls me too much.

336. Nice shot.

337. He wants to do dinners now.

338. What a dick.

339. I can't just all of a sudden pretend that everything's okay between us.

340. You ever heard of "fake it till you make it"?

341. Play the part of his daughter for— Give it an hour.

342. An hour?

343. I've decided therapy sucks.

344. This isn't therapy.

345. These are just chats that your dad should never know about.

346. Why not?

347. Because he'll make a big fucking deal out of it.

348. And he'll wanna hug me or something like that.

349. Yeah, he would.

350. So, what do you think?

351. One dinner.

352. Go get some sandwiches from that Nashville chicken place.

353. And then afterwards, you can go by the bridge

354. and judge some stupid teenagers.

355. Summer just wants to go because we'd be celebrities.

356. Why?

357. Dude, the soccer game.

358. Dad's psycho patient started that crazy brawl,

359. and now it's all anyone wants to talk about.

360. This again?

361. You looked at the clock

362. and so now you have to hold your breath until the minute changes.

363. Okay.

364. Look, I know you feel like this compulsion—

365. The minute changed.

366. I know you feel like this compulsion is gonna help keep

367. bad things from happening, but that's called magical thinking.

368. Well, I like magic. - So do I.

369. Look, the world, it's an unpredictable place.

370. But I promise you, my office, it's a completely safe space.

371. Are you fucking kidding me? - Hello.

372. You asked me to keep your friend out of jail.

373. Which I do, miraculously, by the way.

374. I didn't mean to interrupt, but this is a whole thing.

375. And then you just walk away?

376. How fucking dare you?

377. I didn't mean to swear.

378. I just feel this very passionately. I'm paying for this session.

379. Not you. I'm not paying you. But you, definitely. I'll get your Venmo.

380. And you are fucking playing pickleball.

381. Brian.

382. I told you that I can't tonight.

383. You're seriously passing on spending time with your best friend,

384. so that you can sit in the dark with a whiskey in a Santa mug.

385. That's so sad, man. That is so... sad.

386. I think you're very rude and I deserve better. And so do you.

387. Once again, so sorry. Good day.

388. Breathe, Wally.

389. You're gonna die. - We're all gonna die.

390. What are you doing? - Tumbling my rocks.

391. So I found this cool restaurant

392. where you can play cornhole while you have your appetizers.

393. You wanna go tonight? - I don't wanna go ever.

394. Anyway, it's Taco Tuesday and Alice is coming over.

395. Oh, right. The kid that's not our kid. Am I invited?

396. Yes, but don't come.

397. Enjoy your rocks. - Thank you.

398. Excuse me! Liz?

399. Hi.

400. Gaby, right? - Yeah.

401. I hadn't seen you since Tia's—

402. Well, how are you? - I'm good.

403. I'm just in the area dropping off a new basketball for Jimmy and Alice.

404. He wants to start shooting with her again.

405. Cool. - Very cool.

406. Well, it's good to see you. - You too.

407. Oh, my gosh. By the way,

408. Jimmy has been telling me how awesome you've been with Alice.

409. I'm happy to help. She's such a great kid.

410. She's just the best.

411. Did you know I'm her godmom? - I didn't.

412. Yeah, it's cool. I love it.

413. So, Jimmy, you know, he's been trying.

414. You know, he wants to really start showing up for her again,

415. which is totally great, right? - For sure.

416. That's what we all want, right? - Yes, absolutely.

417. Yeah. So,

418. maybe we can all just, you know, back off and just let them be.

419. Almost like, you know, the more you're there, the less Jimmy can be.

420. Where's the new basketball you got them?

421. It's over in the driveway.

422. Show it to me. - Wow.

423. You actually have some serious trust issues.

424. Show me the basketball.

425. Okay, don't clap at me.

426. I don't like to— Stop. Don't clap at me. I'm too grown for that. Liz.

427. I'ma lose my sh— I'ma lose my shit. Stop!

428. I don't wanna start a fight with you, okay?

429. You've been amazing,

430. and I'm sure that Alice is really excited about Taco fucking Tuesday, okay?

431. And this might be the therapist in me, but maybe,

432. because all of your boys are gone, you're trying to fill this hole.

433. But, you know, maybe we need to start filling it with other activities.

434. Okay.

435. I'm just here trying to tumble my goddamn rocks.

436. Who the fuck are you? - I'm trying to be a fucking friend.

437. I thought you were the godmother. Where have you been?

438. I have my own stuff to deal with.

439. I'm so sorry. That must be so hard 'cause none of us have stuff.

440. And I'm not over-involved.

441. So, you'll be okay if Alice backs off?

442. I know what you think of me.

443. You know...

444. I once overheard you and Tia talking in the driveway about me,

445. and you said, "She's such a mom."

446. You are a mom. - You didn't mean it as a compliment.

447. You know you fucked up, right? - Yes.

448. Why would you lie to me?

449. I mean, the truth was so bad.

450. This is just unacceptable in my practice.

451. You know who the most important person in your life is right now?

452. You. - No, you shithead.

453. Your daughter. - Right, that's what I meant.

454. I'm second. - Okay.

455. Do not let your professional life bleed into your personal.

456. Alice has a hard enough road, and she will run like hell if you're not careful.

457. I'm speaking from experience here.

458. I hear you. - Do not jeopardize her well-being. Got it?

459. A nod is not enough. I want a promise. - Okay.

460. Jesus, man.

461. Say the word.

462. Promise. - Promise.

463. Is this yours? - Nope.

464. Woof. - Thanks, Paul.

465. I really appreciate you. Okay.

466. Come on. Again?

467. You doing a dance now?

468. You feeling yourself, huh?

469. Hey, yo, Graham, can you give us a moment?

470. Okay. - Thank you.

471. What's up?

472. We can't have you staying here, Sean.

473. Come on. Are you serious? - We warned you.

474. We said one more time, and you're out.

475. It's not good for Graham. - But this wasn't even a bar fight.

476. You spent the night in jail.

477. You need money, Son?

478. Nah, I don't need anything. - I can get you some money.

479. I don't need anything.

480. Hola guapa, qué tal? - Hola, Liz. I'm gonna speak English.

481. Thank God, 'cause I took French in high school like a ding-dong.

482. Come on in. - Hey, I was thinking tonight,

483. I might have dinner with my dad, if that's okay?

484. Okay. That's great.

485. You should definitely do that. - Hope you didn't go to any trouble.

486. No. Go be with your dad. Say hi for me.

487. Thanks for being so cool.

488. Shit.

489. Fuck.

490. You motherfucker.

491. Hey. - Hey.

492. Where you going? - Where do you think?

493. I'm going to the club.

494. Gonna get crunk.

495. No, I'm gonna play pickleball with Brian.

496. Are those chicken sandwiches? - Yeah. It's whatever.

497. Did you get those for us? You wanna have dinner with me?

498. 'Cause, wait, if you do,

499. I'm telling you, I will cancel pickleball like that.

500. No, I already told you I have plans. They're for me and Liz.

501. Right, yeah. Of course they are.

502. No problemo. Got excited for a second.

503. Like, "Yeah, chicken sandwiches with Alice."

504. Go. Have fun. - Thanks. If you're sure.

505. Oh, my God. So sure. Yeah, see ya.

506. Bye.

507. Oh, yeah.

508. Hey, you only invited two other guys.

509. You were that sure I'd show, huh? - Everything goes my way.

510. I hate it when you say that. - I'm aware.

511. Okay, let's do this. You're with me. Come on.

512. Come on in.

513. I can't believe he made up a stupid game just to get away from me.

514. I mean, what the hell is pickleball?

515. It's only the fastest-growing sport in America. That's all.

516. Whatever. I can't believe he shot me down.

517. Well, did you tell him that you were there to have dinner with him?

518. I mean, I feel like it was pretty obvious. I was there, and I had dinner.

519. again, got three maneuvers for two.

520. Yeah!

521. Who are those people?

522. Stop looking around and watch the game.

523. Were you ever married?

524. Whoa.

525. What? I just wanna s— Okay. - No.

526. That's you. Nice!

527. Pickle, bitch.

528. Nice.

529. Me! Bri! Bri! Cover me.

530. That's me again. That's me, Brian!

531. Yes! Yeah!

532. Oh, shit. Are you okay? - No, I'm fine.

533. So, we ever gonna talk for real?

534. Not tonight. Let's serve it up.

535. Okay.

536. If you can't be real, what are we even doing?

537. Fuck.

538. You ghosted me for a year. I wanna know why.

539. I don't know, Brian.

540. Yes, you do. Just tell me.

541. It doesn't matter.

542. Can we just not do this? - Tell me.

543. You were drowning!

544. I was there trying to pull you out, and then you just cut me off.

545. I was your best friend.

546. I'm a goddamn ray of light. - Yeah.

547. I am human Zoloft. - Yes, I know!

548. And you wouldn't let me be fucking miserable, Brian.

549. I needed to hit rock bottom and you wouldn't fucking let me.

550. You couldn't read the fucking room.

551. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but it's not fun to be around somebody

552. who says, "Everything goes my way," when their wife has died.

553. Okay?

554. My wife died, Brian.

555. I never said everything goes your way.

556. Oh, my God.

557. I— That's my thing.

558. I'm sorry.

559. Sorry.

560. I have to go.

561. It's okay.

562. Love you. - Yeah, love you, too.

563. See you in a year. - Go fuck yourself.

564. What the fuck?

565. Hey, Alice. It's okay.

566. This is Sean. He needs a place to crash.

567. Sean, this is my daughter, Alice. - Hey, Alice.