Shameless 8x4

1. I'm dealing with the terrible twos

2. and you can't even get your shit together enough

3. to remembered what happened last week?

4. It's really fuckin' sad.

5. Looks more like a crack pipe burn.

6. Switch hands every now and then.

7. Or better yet, lay off the crack.

8. She took on a bouncer at The Three Aces.

9. No shit, that Samoan could do some serious damage.

10. No, knucklehead, Eddie fucked up the bouncer.

11. I'd rather do something with you that doesn't involve talking.

12. Sorry, I am busy trying to help at-risk youth.

13. You're the one that got us into this shit, Frank.

14. And it's Francis now. I no longer resonate

15. with the hard K.

16. I found them. This is huge.

17. These are your ancestors.

18. They abandoned me.

19. So they're terrible people, right?

20. Bart, is that you?

21. Oh, my God, it's Bart.

22. I'm Bart from Kentucky.

23. Bart, are you there?

24. Charge the fort.

25. Charge the fort.

26. Whoa, hey, buddy.

27. What you got there?

28. Action figures.

29. Another stiffy?

30. Yeah.

31. Look, why don't you go get ready for school, huh?

32. Be down in a sec.

33. Hey, uh, c-close the door behind you.

34. Thanks, bud.

35. Hey, landlady,

36. look what we woke up to this morning.

37. How the fuck does that even happen?

38. Will handle ASAP.

39. You guys live up the street, right?

40. - Depends on who's asking. - I'm Lula, I run

41. the neighborhood watch program.

42. The neighborhood what?

43. Several houses in the area have been broken into.

44. We're asking everyone to stay alert.

45. They took Miss Fenderson's ventilation machine

46. two nights ago and last night was Mr. Wilson

47. - across the street. - The Desert Storm guy?

48. They took his Purple Heart and Silver Star

49. from his mantle and his TV.

50. Messing with a veteran is a serious violation

51. of everything we hold dear as Americans.

52. What intel do you have of the perpetrators?

53. He means we'll take a flyer and keep an eye out.

54. - Uh... - Thank you.

55. Hey.

56. - Debbie. - Neil kicked me out so he can

57. live with that conniving physical therapy slut Lakisha,

58. so I'm moving back in, and I don't want to hear

59. your mouth or anyone else's about it

60. because I am not asking for permission.

61. I'm a Gallagher and I can live here any time I please

62. until I'm back on my feet.

63. And I don't wanna talk about how much it's going to cost

64. because I'm going to pay my fair share.

65. I was just gonna say hi.

66. - Oh. - Grab your blow torch.

67. My grown-ass druggie tenant

68. got his head stuck in a fence.

69. - Okay. You paying? - Yeah, same shit money

70. - as usual. - Okay, but as soon as

71. I pass my welding certification final,

72. my fee goes up to not shit money.

73. - Done. - So...

74. Hey.

75. I was hoping I might be able to catch you for a sec.

76. Let's go, Debs.

77. Liam, how many times have I told you not to answer the door

78. for douche bags?

79. That didn't go so well, did it?

80. I can't believe I'm about to meet my real life family.

81. Didn't know I had any relatives.

82. How am I supposed to greet them? Do we hug?

83. Kiss on the cheek? I don't wanna get it wrong.

84. All of my family reunions start with my aunts

85. blaming each other for who fucked up the potato salad.

86. Wow, look at all the birds.

87. It's all so green.

88. It's the land of my people.

89. Looks like one of those movies

90. where the black folks die first.

91. Bart!

92. Little Barty, is that you?

93. Oh, shit. That's me.

94. I'm Barty.

95. Oh.

96. Aww.

97. Oh! Mm! Look at you.

98. Grown and healthy.

99. Hey.

100. You got all your molars.

101. Hee!

102. Oh.

103. Uh, this is my wife, Veronica.

104. You can call me V.

105. Just like your brothers. Love the dark meat.

106. Must be in the blood.

107. I am your Aunt Ronnie.

108. Sugar plum. Oh! Mm!

109. And would you look at

110. these little chocolate pies?

111. Let's take 'em to meet Uncle Travis.

112. He just finished skinning up a coon.

113. Trav!

114. It's Bart and his beauty.

115. Welcome home.

116. - You mean raccoon. - Y'all better get inside

117. before you burn up.

118. - Come on, little one. - Come on, girls.

119. Violating a veteran of the Armed Forces

120. requires an immediate show of counterinsurgency.

121. Shock and awe for those bitches.

122. Don't ask.

123. Fuck's a neighborhood watch?

124. A club of George Zimmerman-type of pussies

125. who aren't trained for military action.

126. Oh, I think it's a group version of not minding

127. your own business.

128. Fiona's gonna be pissy.

129. Why, what'd you do?

130. Let Sean in.

131. - What? Sean-Sean? - He was here?

132. - Yep, then he left. - Fiona's gonna kill him.

133. Sun salutations, fruits of my loins.

134. Am I hearing correctly?

135. The Sean has returned?

136. - Yep. - This is a test

137. of our family's spiritual growth.

138. I forgive him and wish him peace on his journey.

139. How much longer are we gonna be putting up

140. with St. Francis of the Southside?

141. Permanent life change is a daily practice, Lip.

142. I've just entered my symbolic 30s

143. and they require a new sense of maturity.

144. What happened to your symbolic 20s?

145. We grow up fast in the age of enlightenment.

146. That's great, so Frank's in his early 30s

147. and I'm back in puberty.

148. I'm getting a boner every morning

149. - and having to whack off. - You're not getting laid?

150. No, it's part of the rules of sobriety.

151. You know, I'm supposed to stay away from relationships

152. - for a while. - Ooh, beware of rules, son.

153. Real change happens when you reset your internal clock.

154. Thanks for the fatherly advice.

155. Your 30s are all about becoming a stand-up man.

156. And learning to embrace fatherhood.

157. Too bad you're out of kids to screw up.

158. That's so not true. I've still got Liam.

159. He's the only Gallagher who hasn't been ruined

160. by that whirlwind known as Monica.

161. And I'm going to parent him the way I should've been

162. parenting all along, right, son?

163. Let's get you to school on time.

164. The first step in good parenting:

165. punctuality.

166. Let's go.

167. Bastard just shows up out of nowhere?

168. Lookin' like a million bucks.

169. Nice haircut.

170. Musta gotten clean.

171. Maybe he wants me to know he got clean?

172. Who cares what he wants, Fiona?

173. He's another Frank.

174. What?

175. Huh—uh—ah.

176. Ah.

177. The hell are you?

178. The one who freed your drug-addled head, moron.

179. You're welcome.

180. I'm adding your welding fee

181. to your rent.

182. You need lights back here.

183. It's unsafe.

184. Coulda happened to anybody.

185. Yeah, anyone on heroin.

186. And pick up your needles.

187. I don't wanna see this shit

188. around here anymore.

189. Not mine.

190. Well, then whose is it?

191. Plenty of users around here.

192. I gotta get Franny to Celia's.

193. It takes a village, being a single mom.

194. All right. Here.

195. - Whoo. - Thanks for letting me

196. bitch about Sean.

197. You don't need him, Fiona.

198. You're a strong, independent woman, just like me.

199. - Come on, Franny. - Come on.

200. You need some help with any of that?

201. Independent!

202. A fella doesn't get too many chances

203. to get it right.

204. And I've blown it five times.

205. You're sort of my bonus round, son.

206. So I want you to tell me, what can I do

207. to be a better father?

208. I don't know.

209. Well, what do your classmates' parents do for them?

210. Something called a trust fund.

211. I'm afraid I smoked that one up already.

212. Hey, Liam, what's up?

213. Hey, Liam, my family's taking a trip to Cabo next weekend.

214. - Wanna come with us? - Gotta check my schedule.

215. Let's go.

216. - Whoa. - Damn it.

217. Someone needs to fix this sidewalk.

218. Need some help?

219. It's my Atwoods. This is unbelievable.

220. - Ugh. - May I?

221. Hm.

222. A working man never leaves home without his tools.

223. You're Liam's dad?

224. - Uh, Francis. - Cynthia.

225. My son cannot stop talking about Liam.

226. It's nice to see a financial aid student fitting in so well.

227. - You must be relieved. - Hopeful's more like it.

228. He's the last good chip I've got.

229. Just trying not to crap out.

230. That might do it.

231. At least get you to a store.

232. - Allow me. - Okay.

233. Thank you, Francis.

234. Could use more dads like you at this school.

235. Hope to see you around a lot more.

236. I got two hours of sleep.

237. Cami had a premature labor scare.

238. Ooh. Sounds rough.

239. Not as rough as running

240. to five different 7-Elevens to find Cami Ho Hos

241. - at 4:00 a.m. - Got the last of the

242. glazed, powdered, and chocolate batch for you guys.

243. All right, thanks.

244. Let me know when you need to be topped off again.

245. Thank you.

246. Bad idea.

247. I can't even get laid in my dreams.

248. If you gotta, then try no-strings sex.

249. But you gotta be up front with the women.

250. Tell 'em you're in recovery and you can't do a relationship.

251. Shit.

252. Cami's got more contractions.

253. Hope it's not another false alarm.

254. All right, good luck, man.

255. Thanks.

256. Mr. Wilson. Carl Gallagher, sir. I live up the street.

257. C Company at Millberry Military Academy.

258. I understand you were the victim of a robbery

259. and I just wanted to let you know, as a fellow

260. man in uniform, I'ma do everything in my power

261. to find that son of a bitch

262. and show him that nobody fucks with

263. a vet on my watch.

264. I'ma get you your medals back, sir.

265. Hoorah.

266. Hey, Nessa, what's up?

267. Bahir is here to move in.

268. Says you're supposed to meet him with the keys.

269. Fuck, he's early.

270. Uhh, all right. Tell him I'm on my way.

271. No prob. We'll just stare at each other till you get here.

272. Sorry about earlier.

273. Didn't mean to show up out of the blue.

274. I just wanted to catch you for a minute.

275. - Fuck off. - Hey, hey, hey.

276. Look, I-I know I don't deserve your time.

277. I just really wanna talk.

278. I'm gonna text you the motel I'm staying at.

279. It's got a restaurant right next to it.

280. Maybe you could meet me there later?

281. Is everything good out here?

282. I'm fine.

283. You're un-fucking-believable.

284. Mr. Gallagher, if you're worried about Liam,

285. rest assured he's doing great.

286. He even made our cover.

287. Hm.

288. I can't think of a better use of tokenism

289. than to promote diversity.

290. We're getting a new student today.

291. Liam will have someone from his own environment

292. - to connect with. - That's fantastic.

293. But I was hoping there was something I could do to help.

294. You're seeking more involvement?

295. I see the way these other kids talk about their dads.

296. Going fishing, family vacations.

297. They're the twinkle in their children's eye.

298. When my son looks at me,

299. I wanna see that same twinkle.

300. And not from being stoned.

301. That's more of a glaze.

302. We don't have enough fathers on our PTA.

303. Great way to promote parental involvement.

304. Sign me up.

305. And pimp my ass.

306. Thank you.

307. You're welcome.

308. You two will sleep in your sister Bambi's old room.

309. Still got some of your baby stuff in here, too.

310. You probably don't remember.

311. - Is that...? - Yep.

312. Binky.

313. - Oh. - What's a Binky?

314. I remember this.

315. I used to sleep with it in the fireplace.

316. You used to love crawling under the chimney.

317. So we'd put some blankets around you and let you sleep there.

318. I'll leave you to relax before supper.

319. Uncle Trav's cleaning a couple catfish

320. he caught noodling yesterday.

321. You okay, babe?

322. They kept my Binky.

323. Suddenly, I feel like sucking my thumb and taking a nap.

324. - I'm gonna lie down. - Okay.

325. Brenan and Dorian are team captains today.

326. Brenan, you're up.

327. Liam.

328. That was gonna be my pick!

329. Pardon the interruption.

330. We have a new student that will be joining your class.

331. This is De'Andre.

332. Class, let's welcome De'Andre to our family.

333. I pick him.

334. - Can I change my pick? - No.

335. Your morning crew always cleans us out of donuts

336. and peach cobblers.

337. You guys foodies or what?

338. Oh, it's helping us stay sober.

339. You know, eating the calories instead of drinking them.

340. Hey, um...

341. you wanna hang out later?

342. You mean, like, just the two of us?

343. Yeah, I mean, I'm not supposed to get into

344. anything serious, 'cause of the whole sobriety thing, but...

345. - ... maybe if you just wanna— - Hook up?

346. Yeah.

347. Look...

348. I think you're crazy cute.

349. And I would love to jump your bones.

350. But Sierra's my girl.

351. - I just can't. - Yeah, but we're friends now.

352. I mean, there's—there's nothing between us.

353. It'd still be weird.

354. Hi, sorry, I thought you were coming later.

355. Uh, where's the truck? The guys can pull around back.

356. Oh, I'm texting my guys now.

357. Uh, in the van outside.

358. I don't have any big furniture, just my gear.

359. I showed him the illustrious backyard.

360. We went over safety precautions with the back fence.

361. All right, uh, this one is for the building.

362. You gotta jiggle it, 'cause it sticks.

363. This is for your apartment.

364. And this guy is to the mailbox.

365. Oh, I don't do snail mail.

366. - Welcome to the building. - Hey.

367. Oh, uh, this way, guys.

368. Wow, Jesus, that's a lot of electronics.

369. He could light up half of the South Side.

370. Sean.

371. I need a fuckin' beer.

372. - Before noon? Nice. - Yeah, it's been

373. that kind of day already.

374. Well, Mel's got some wine coolers in the fridge.

375. - Much classier. - I'm in.

376. Moved out of Neil's and I'm living back home

377. until I get things together.

378. Fuckin' bitch, taking your man.

379. I wasn't in love.

380. It was a relationship of convenience.

381. $11.25.

382. At least now things are cool with my ex's mom.

383. She's helping pay child care.

384. I was only in there for an hour.

385. - You went over $1.25. - If you weren't so busy

386. gossiping, I would've made it out earlier.

387. Write a complaint, honey.

388. Pay the full fee or get a ticket in the mail.

389. Our cameras have your plates.

390. - They installed cameras? - No.

391. Thanks, have a great day.

392. Franny's first steps!

393. She's at her grandmother's.

394. I should be there.

395. So, who's the reason for this midday wine cooler?

396. My ex showed back up this morning.

397. Wants to have dinner with me tonight.

398. Ah, and how do we feel about this—what's his name?

399. Sean.

400. I found out on our wedding day

401. that the junkie bastard was still using.

402. - You get married anyway? - Fuck no.

403. God, the whole thing turned into such a shit show.

404. He just took off.

405. I should hate him.

406. But I took one look at him this morning

407. and my heart starts racing again

408. and just—fuck, you know?

409. We looking for revenge here?

410. You gonna put on your sluttiest dress

411. and punish him with temptation?

412. Nah, I don't think I'm gonna go. I got nothing

413. - to really say to him. - Oh, bullshit.

414. Every ex keeps a mental journal of fuck yous.

415. You must have.

416. I just kinda went dead inside.

417. He's trying to work his way back in, huh?

418. - You think? - Yeah, fuck Sean.

419. Yeah, fuck Sean!

420. That feel good?

421. Actually felt kind of amazing.

422. So text him

423. and tell him you'll meet him.

424. - Really? - Yeah, and then stand him up.

425. It's his turn to be left at the altar.

426. This is your pa after a fight, God rest his soul.

427. His face is a little bloody after beating Buddy Smith

428. within an inch of his life for calling

429. your grandma a whore.

430. We are true Kentuckians. Stand up for family.

431. Wow. That—that's what I do.

432. I didn't know it was a Kentucky thing.

433. These are your brothers, Biff and Barry

434. after going deer hunting.

435. I got their first kill right up there on the wall.

436. And that is your Uncle Travis

437. with one of his biggest catfish catches.

438. 70 pound.

439. You use your arm as bait?

440. Used my fist and my arm. Stick it in the hole,

441. catfish chomps down on it,

442. pull him out.

443. - Damn. - Heh, hurts a little bit

444. but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

445. And that's your sister Bambi.

446. She used to think the camera flash was a poltergeist.

447. And what about my mother?

448. She ran off, sweetie.

449. We never heard from her again.

450. About the same time we lost you.

451. Why did you leave me at the gas station?

452. It was an accident, Barty.

453. Your daddy went to pee

454. and he left you at the double bubble machine

455. because you loved to watch those little gumballs.

456. And... he thought that I grabbed you

457. and I thought that he grabbed you

458. and the car was full of kids

459. and didn't none of us know

460. till we drove ten hours into the next state.

461. You'll see. Tomorrow, when the whole family

462. comes over for the barbecue— you never left our hearts.

463. Who's this?

464. That's Great Grandpa Colonel Joe Petersman.

465. He was a decorated raider in the Civil War.

466. Who're the two guys behind him?

467. Jessup and Harold.

468. Old members of the family.

469. Ian?

470. Geneva.

471. - What are you doing here? - Oh.

472. I didn't have anywhere else to go.

473. Think you can clean this up?

474. Oh, shit.

475. Yeah. Come over here.

476. Wanna tell me how that happened?

477. I got stiffed for my fuckin' dope.

478. Dealer sliced me with a razor.

479. Don't think I can go back out there tonight.

480. Jesus.

481. Hold still.

482. I ran out of there and came straight here.

483. You said I could come to you

484. if I ever needed help.

485. Is that still cool?

486. Yeah.

487. Of course.

488. That guy still out there looking for you?

489. So, in this dream, my entire house

490. is filled with all these naked model types, right?

491. But every time I try to go and touch some tits—poof.

492. - You know, she disappears. - Oh.

493. Sounds like my real life.

494. Oh, and I'm waking up with a boner so hard,

495. I mean, it could demo Soldier Field.

496. I wish you would. That fuckin' space ship

497. stadium thing is God damn ugly.

498. All right, here's a hot one. Name's Mimi.

499. - I'll swipe right, yeah. - Yep.

500. Yo, pass me that T-Handle.

501. I just feel like I shouldn't be jerking off this much.

502. I feel like I'm yanking off inches.

503. You know?

504. Oh, here you go.

505. Check it out, I got a match.

506. I hope her tits don't disappear when I try to touch 'em.

507. You gonna fix that bike

508. or fuck it?

509. Jesus Christ, already.

510. That's good, now I'm gonna dream about fuckin' a bike.

511. The scholarship fundraiser is tomorrow.

512. The cupcake samples were delish, thanks to Beverly.

513. Kids seem to love them, and so does Mr. Gallagher.

514. - Divine. - No one has signed up

515. for the PTA car wash.

516. Apparently, none of the dads wash their own cars.

517. I'll wash cars with my son Liam.

518. Best way to teach him the value of hard labor.

519. That is a great idea.

520. I mean, we know most of these kids

521. - know nothing about hard labor. - Yeah.

522. Neither do their fathers.

523. It's what's wrong with our country, now.

524. We fathers are off typing out emails

525. or executing sell orders for hedge funds

526. while we hire immigrants to do our manual labor for us.

527. We don't teach our sons how to work with their hands.

528. We're too busy to allow ourselves to get dirty,

529. to show our boys how to earn an honest buck

530. off the sweat of their brow.

531. When's the last time one of us mowed our own lawn?

532. Or changed the oil in the Buick? Or dug a ditch?

533. We are a generation of lost masculinity.

534. And we gotta start getting it back.

535. No matter if you're straight or gay.

536. And some of you look pretty gay.

537. No matter if you stick it in the front

538. or you stick it in the rear.

539. For the love of our sons, we've got to

540. stick it in there like a man.

541. Hunting season's open.

542. Come and get it, motherfucker.

543. I'm so proud of you for taking your first steps, Franny.

544. I'm sorry I missed it.

545. I promise I'll be here for everything else.

546. Just don't say any first words or go potty

547. unless I'm here, okay?

548. I'm gonna be here for everything.

549. Good night, Franny.

550. I love you.

551. She's walking! She's walking!

552. Go, Franny!

553. Nobody's ever blown a fuse here before.

554. I-I'm not sure what happened.

555. A circuit breaker. You're way underpowered.

556. Only 100 amps for the whole building.

557. Look, I-I've got a lot of equipment,

558. So you'll need to add more or it's gonna keep blowing.

559. It's cool if you need to go.

560. No, no, I'm not going anywhere.

561. Um, so, is there somebody I should call?

562. Well, I'll get an electrician over here tomorrow,

563. change out the breakers.

564. Utilities are included with the rent.

565. Yeah, that's why I'm renting here.

566. You sure you don't need to go?

567. No, no, I don't even know why I keep looking at my phone.

568. The whole point of standing someone up

569. is that you stop giving a shit, right?

570. My ex is waiting for me to show up at dinner,

571. but I'm not gonna chase him.

572. Plus, I have too much to do here anyway.

573. Well, we're pretty much done, so...

574. I'm just...

575. I wasn't gonna come.

576. I wasn't gonna blame you if you didn't.

577. - Need a menu? - Just a sec.

578. What do you want?

579. Well, I had time to figure out some things.

580. I feel like shit about what I put you through.

581. You should.

582. I wasn't in a very good place.

583. I couldn't sleep for weeks, you know that?

584. It wasn't easy for me to open up and trust you and I did.

585. Well, I was an addict, Fiona.

586. An addict who promised he was getting help.

587. And he wasn't.

588. Addicts are selfish assholes.

589. We don't care who we hurt.

590. I loved you.

591. Best as I could at the time,

592. but that wasn't good enough.

593. You deserved better.

594. Fuckin' right, I did.

595. I'm sober one year.

596. I wanna own up to what I did.

597. It was wrong.

598. What the hell is this?

599. It's money for the wedding.

600. I didn't know how much it cost,

601. - so I thought that— - You're trying

602. - to buy your way back in? - No.

603. You think you can just show up

604. and everything's gonna be okay?

605. Like you didn't drive a stake through my fuckin' heart?

606. I know I can't make it right, but I-I...

607. I want you to know I'm really sorry.

608. You destroyed me.

609. I moved on with my life.

610. I made something of myself.

611. I'm glad that you're clean.

612. I'm glad you got your shit together now.

613. But you can't just show up and apologize and...

614. expect us to suddenly be back in a relationship.

615. - Ah, Fiona— - I loved you,

616. asshole.

617. I mean, fuck, I...

618. I probably still do.

619. I mean, how am I ever supposed to trust you again?

620. I-I...

621. I wouldn't even know where to start—that's crazy.

622. Fiona, I wasn't suggesting we get back together.

623. I-I got married.

624. You...

625. got what?

626. My wife and I, um,

627. came back so I could make amends.

628. I couldn't really move forward without—

629. Am I a fucking step in your rehab?

630. I had no idea you still had feelings for me.

631. I—honestly, I wasn't trying to confuse you.

632. I can't wait to meet my siblings tomorrow.

633. My siblings. I have siblings.

634. Kev, you notice anything a little backwards

635. about your family?

636. Yeah, I know what you mean.

637. The whole inbred thing, right?

638. I can kinda see it in Uncle Travis.

639. Hey, babe,

640. I wanna thank you for coming with me to meet my family.

641. - They're all I got. - Yeah—

642. And you being here with me just...

643. it means everything to me.

644. You're amazing.

645. I love you.

646. Your family's my family, babe.

647. They didn't desert me, you know?

648. Oh, I'm beat.

649. Emotions really zap you.

650. I'm gonna get some shut-eye. I love you.

651. Mm.

652. - Hey, how you doing? Hi. - Hey.

653. You're even hotter in person.

654. It's kinda loud. You wanna get out of here?

655. - Oh, this spot is my jam. - Oh, yeah?

656. What are you drinking? I got the hook-up here.

657. Oh, not—not drinking.

658. Uh, you wanna take a walk, or...?

659. You gotta get me buzzed first.

660. What kinda girl do you think I am, hmm?

661. Fuck, you um... you taste like rum.

662. I can taste like whatever you want.

663. Excuse me?

664. Double shots of tequila.

665. Hey. Geneva.

666. Hey.

667. You, uh, sleep okay?

668. Yeah. Yeah, it got creepy down there by myself.

669. - Felt safer with you. - Okay.

670. Oh, my God. Your bed is so comfortable.

671. Ah.

672. You should probably, uh, head back to the center.

673. People might be getting worried about you.

674. You coming with?

675. Uh, gotta work.

676. I'm just putting my number in here

677. and you call me if you need

678. a place to crash again, okay?

679. You're the coolest, yo.

680. What?

681. Who's the chick? You switching teams?

682. From the youth center. Had a rough night.

683. - Needed a place to crash. - Oh.

684. How about you?

685. You get any action last night? Huh?

686. Uh, Tinder's not for me.

687. You get more than you sign up for.

688. Ah.

689. Oof.

690. Long night?

691. Fuckin' Sean got married, so yeah.

692. - Sean got married? - To who?

693. Some chick he got sober for.

694. I'm making a list of all the promises that he made me

695. when we were together.

696. I think he's supposed to pay me back

697. for all that shit he put me through.

698. Maybe he's paying it forward.

699. Fuck paying it forward.

700. You don't need him. He's a fuckin' prick.

701. I mean, what'd he ever do except skim off the top

702. of some shitty diner?

703. You made it a place

704. people actually wanna eat at.

705. You don't need him. He's a fuckin' junkie.

706. His fuckin' wife stole my life.

707. I think she owes me a finder's fee.

708. Smoked my whole fuckin' pack.

709. Good morning.

710. We've got some information on the burglar.

711. He hit your neighbors across the street last night

712. for their copper piping.

713. - That's getting close. - Mr. Mills saw

714. someone run into the empty church around the corner.

715. Sounds like we got a junkie robbing houses.

716. I'm gonna need some bait.

717. Mm.

718. Kev?

719. Kev?

720. What's up?

721. Kev's family are fuckin' rednecks.

722. And now he's gone MIA. They probably skinned him alive

723. and gonna put his head on the mantle.

724. - What? - His great grandpa

725. was some sort of Confederate soldier

726. who made his slaves fight with him in the Civil War.

727. They're nice and they're racist.

728. It's fucking confusing.

729. Kev?

730. Kev is clueless and I don't wanna say anything

731. 'cause he's having all these emotions

732. and they the only family he's got.

733. But I swear, if one of his cousins even looks at me racist,

734. I'ma go Django on his ass.

735. Anyway, how are you?

736. Sean's married.

737. - What? You saw him? - Yep.

738. But I am totally fine.

739. I mean, he's a lying piece of shit

740. who got clean for some other chick

741. while I had to deal with his fucking addictions,

742. but anyway.

743. Go kill some rednecks.

744. I'll call you later.

745. The fuck?

746. V! Look!

747. Whoo! I shot a deer.

748. I get to take home the head.

749. I put out some junkie bait.

750. Those traps you set out back on the porch

751. are a death trap for Franny.

752. I need 'em to catch a perp.

753. Bonjour les enfants.

754. Oh, Father Francis now speaks Italian?

755. It's Saint Francis,

756. and it's French, son.

757. The public school system failed you.

758. Need more sugar.

759. Ah, come on, Franny.

760. Come walk to Mommy like you did for Abuela.

761. Come on. I'm so sorry

762. I missed your first steps.

763. The budding stages of taking one's first step.

764. Good God, she has grown up fast.

765. Why'd she walk to Celia and not for me?

766. - She really hates me. - Every child performs

767. in her own time.

768. I remember all of your first steps like it was yesterday.

769. From where? A drug-induced coma?

770. On the contrary, I was present for each one.

771. Debs, yours was in a police station

772. for Monica's first booking.

773. You saw your mother when she exited that holding cell.

774. It was like magic.

775. Liam, you were on the platform of the I train.

776. I didn't even know you could crawl yet.

777. I'd put you down to bum a smoke

778. and you stood on your little legs

779. and almost walked right onto the tracks.

780. But the train came in so fast, it blew you back on your tush.

781. Not one of my better moments.

782. But I'm cleaning up my act for Liam.

783. Believe it or not.

784. Oui.

785. You believe any of that?

786. Hm. Hell no.

787. Hey. What's up?

788. Geneva told me she, uh, slept over

789. at your house last night?

790. Oh, yeah, she was in a tough spot.

791. What the fuck are you doing?

792. That's completely inappropriate.

793. What are you talking about? I was just being helpful.

794. She missed her curfew at the place I got her into

795. and now she's lost her spot.

796. Do you—do you realize how hard it was

797. - to get her that spot? - I didn't know

798. that she had to be back at the shelter

799. She came by really messed up,

800. I was just trying to give her a place to sleep.

801. Well, we teach these kids self-sufficiency,

802. we don't sleep with them.

803. I'm gay. It wasn't sexual.

804. - You mind easing up a bit? - Geneva's an incest survivor.

805. It doesn't matter whether or not you were being sexual.

806. - Kids interpret things. - Well, I...

807. I mean, I was just trying to help, I—

808. That's bullshit, okay? You're hanging around

809. to try and weasel your way back into my life.

810. Do not use these kids to do it.

811. Wow, Kev has an army.

812. I hope nobody fucks up the potato salad.

813. Strong arm, Bart.

814. Runs in the family.

815. Your wife is a knockout.

816. Hell, she could be cousins with my wife.

817. Oh, that runs in the family, too.

818. I thought you might've been dead,

819. but, uh, happy to see that you're alive and talking.

820. Can't say the same for Barry.

821. - What's the matter with him? - Oh, mute, never could talk.

822. But he nods when he understands you, right, Barry?

823. Must be weird being around all these rednecks,

824. coming from the inner city.

825. I'm Bart's cousin Tilly.

826. Veronica. Yeah, it's an adjustment.

827. Well, don't let it scare you. We might look the part,

828. but nobody cares about that race stuff over here.

829. We're a family of half breeds.

830. A bunch of us even voted for Obama... twice.

831. Mm. Who'd everybody vote for the last time?

832. Well, the family was split.

833. Some for the grandpa Jew, some for the pussy grabber.

834. Deplorables?

835. Fuck her.

836. Ohh, Biff, looks like you aren't gonna

837. be the champ no more.

838. Shame your daddy dumped Bart

839. at the Texaco and wouldn't go back.

840. Could've been great on that

841. wrestling team in high school.

842. They were terrible. Biff's team

843. got their asses kicked from here to Nashville.

844. - Uh! - Ahh.

845. Shit.

846. Dumped me? It wasn't an accident?

847. Daddy left me on purpose?

848. No, Barty, it was more complicated than that.

849. Times were hard after the mines closed.

850. He left me and none of you came looking for me?

851. - Your brother? - Your daddy had

852. nine kids to raise

853. after your mama ran off with that Bible salesman.

854. He figured you'd be better off.

855. - In foster care? - Hell yes.

856. Look at Bambi, she's been in and out of jail,

857. whoring her way around Kentucky,

858. popping off babies of every color and flavor.

859. And Biff can't keep a job to save his life.

860. Flunked out of elementary school,

861. lost his job at the hog slaughter house.

862. But you got your own bar in Chicago.

863. Nice truck.

864. You're the one that got out, Barty.

865. Ha, you won.

866. - Hey - Yo, what's up, man?

867. - Fatherhood, in all its glory. - Oh, yeah?

868. It's Miles. Five pounds, three ounces.

869. I-I gotta fatten him up, but, uh...

870. I mean, I can't take my eyes off him.

871. He's a cute kid. Congrats.

872. He's still in NICU, but we can take him home tomorrow.

873. Gotta fill the house with premie stuff.

874. You know, diapers are too big, clothes don't fit.

875. It's all about the unexpected, man.

876. Hey, listen, um,

877. I was trying to hook up with this chick last night,

878. but she was wasted.

879. This sober sex thing, man, it's just,

880. - it's just not working for me. - Yo, I can't listen

881. - to this again. - What's your problem?

882. He's been yapping about ass non-stop.

883. You know, I'm almost ten months clean.

884. He's gonna make me backslide.

885. Cami needs me to pick up a car seat.

886. Premie size. Take the baby home later.

887. I-I gotta split.

888. I need some tips before I nose dive.

889. Dude, sand down that bike until Maceo's back.

890. You gotta stay busy, man.

891. Yeah, I need some fuckin' pussy!

892. Get upstairs. Now.

893. Flashy car, sir.

894. Gonna have to charge you the CEO price.

895. For underserved youth, you know?

896. 400 bucks. Still workin'.

897. Oh, you're working hard out there.

898. Well, can't be afraid to get wet.

899. Hm.

900. Doing good work there. Maybe put a little

901. more shoulder into it.

902. He fixed my shoe with his own tools.

903. Now that's a man.

904. Get back to work.

905. No! Oh! Ohh!

906. Oh, God, no!

907. Ah!

908. Oh, my God. Ah!

909. No!

910. Fuck!

911. Oh!

912. Oh!

913. Ah!

914. Uh!

915. Think you could hit me a little less?

916. Shut up or I'll choke you.

917. I'm Fiona.

918. He might seem like a good guy,

919. but I thought the same thing when he was my fiancé.

920. And one day, he's gonna burn you, too.

921. And if you're ever fucking and you notice

922. track marks on his arms,

923. maybe don't keep fucking.

924. And don't believe him when he says that he doesn't want chaos.

925. He lies. And he steals from his job.

926. And he doesn't just use drugs. He uses people!

927. Fiona?

928. You're back on drugs? Oh, my God.

929. You bastard! Hey, you didn't stay sober.

930. God damn you, get in that room.

931. I don't even know her.

932. I'm not using... I'm not using drugs.

933. Oh, my fuck.

934. Can you just stop?

935. What the...?

936. Hey.

937. Geneva's talking about some junior fire fighter program.

938. Did you tell her to apply?

939. Was that inappropriate?

940. Well, it'd be good to get her back in school first.

941. Look, you crossed the line and you need to learn boundaries.

942. But at least you got her thinking about her future.

943. That's a start.

944. Was that an apology?

945. Geneva lost her spot and shelters are overflowing.

946. I got 12 kids who need placements.

947. You're not out of the dog house yet.

948. All right, what can I do to make it right?

949. Uh, how about you help me find some legit housing

950. that isn't your bedroom?

951. Well, I can do that.

952. Thank you.

953. I hear Biff is still the arm wrestling champion.

954. Sorry, babe.

955. I let him win. The second time.

956. - Why? - I don't know.

957. I feel kinda bad.

958. They're all sort of losers and I'm the successful one.

959. Never been that before. Feels kinda good.

960. You happy you found your family?

961. Yeah. I'm happy to be a Kentuckian.

962. Oh, no, no, no, no!

963. Pepper, Pepper, those are only for Halloween!

964. The car wash raised a lot for our scholarship program.

965. You're our superstar dad.

966. Anything for my son.

967. So, um, I would love to show my appreciation.

968. I am listed in the PTA directory.

969. Find me.

970. - Come on, Franny. - Let's go, Franny.

971. Let's—come on. Let's walk for Auntie Fiona,

972. - if not for me. - Come on.

973. - Hey, wait, wait. - Thank you.

974. So tell us what you said again

975. right before Sean came out.

976. - Yeah. - Oh.

977. I said, "He doesn't just use drugs,

978. he uses people!"

979. You are a fucking poet, Gallagher.

980. Fuck, it hurts to laugh. My ribs are still sore.

981. What happened to you?

982. I got laid or mugged or both, kinda.

983. Oh, shit, she's walking to Frank!

984. Uh!

985. Suffer the little children to come to me

986. and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God

987. belongs to such as these.

988. Oh, shit, he really is Saint Francis.

989. Good job, Franny! Yay!

990. Wow!

991. Come to Mommy! Come here!

992. - Yeah. - Hi!

993. Ow! Oh, what the fuck?

994. Oh, shit! I got him!

995. Uh, ow!

996. Oh! Oh! What the fuck?

997. - Aah! - I see you found

998. the little copper treat I left you.

999. - Who are you? - I'm your worst

1000. fuckin' nightmare.

1001. Ahh!

1002. No! No!