Shameless 6x3

1. Next time you miss Shameless,

2. I cut off your testicles and feed it to homeless dog

3. who lives behind The Alibi,

4. but today you get free pass. I tell you.

5. - Debbie? - Yeah?

6. I made an appointment for you for Friday.

7. For an abortion.

8. Not part of my plan.

9. I shot up.

10. You're just telling me this now?

11. You had a lot on your mind.

12. What's with the attitude?

13. You're on my ass 24/7.

14. At home, "Did you take your meds?"

15. At work, "You're late. Pick up the pace."

16. If you don't like it, leave.

17. - I will. - Good! Go!

18. What the fuck?

19. I thought you cut the throttle cable.

20. I did.

21. Are you sure you cut the right cable?

22. Yes, there's only two cables, the throttle and the—

23. I'll just make note of your pregnancy.

24. What?

25. You didn't know you were pregnant?

26. Jesus!

27. Fuck.

28. Shit.

29. Gallagher rain.

30. Frank, what the hell is going on?

31. This Jorge Mendoza and his clan.

32. Got evicted.

33. Bank sold it right out from under them,

34. and the Mendozas came home yesterday

35. to find all their stuff on the street.

36. And how is this our problem?

37. The loss of our unique community?

38. Generations of the American melting pot

39. getting kicked out of their homes.

40. Gentrification is everyone's problem, Fiona.

41. Frank, what are they doing in our yard?

42. I rented it to them.

43. The shed, the van, under the porch,

44. this grassy area.

45. And, oh, my God, can they cook.

46. Yanis.

47. Hey, man.

48. It's Kev and V.

49. Yeah, I'm paralyzed, not blind.

50. Look, we just wanted to say how, uh, really sorry we are

51. for what happened to you.

52. Really, really, really sorry.

53. Sorry the way any good neighbor would be.

54. You got any Greek in you?

55. Greek? No, no.

56. I'm not sure. Maybe.

57. Yeah, yeah, probably. I don't know.

58. You're a good friend.

59. He's a good man.

60. You're Greek for sure.

61. So when are they gonna move you to rehab?

62. I'm not going to rehab. I'm going home.

63. I don't trust that Chink doctor or the girly man.

64. I'm checking myself out of this hellhole today.

65. You believe this shit, adelphe?

66. Eight years I serve in the Marines,

67. I walk away fine.

68. I got these two kunas on the South Side of Chicago,

69. I'm rolling out of here in a goddamn chair.

70. - Who? - Those two kunas.

71. The ones who took my dogs.

72. Oh, you talking about Lisa and Lisa?

73. Yeah, they did this to me.

74. They cut my brake line.

75. Those bitches are gonna pay.

76. They're gonna fucking pay.

77. What'd you say?

78. He is just sympathizing.

79. His voice squeaks when he sympathizes,

80. like a little girl,

81. which we have two of, by the way.

82. Two little girls who need their daddy, Kevin,

83. so it is time for us to go.

84. Give him the flowers.

85. Where'd all this come from?

86. Carl bought Froot Loops.

87. And cage-free organic eggs and juice with the pulp in it.

88. Eat up, little homey.

89. Where you getting all this money?

90. Juvie job. Saved up.

91. You better not be selling drugs again, Carl.

92. Nope, no drugs. I learned my lesson.

93. - Next. - You better watch out.

94. If she doesn't like what you're doing,

95. she might try to fire you from the family.

96. Yeah, or try to force you to get an abortion.

97. Smells good. Bacon?

98. - Froot Loops. - You coming to work?

99. Yeah, I just got to get dressed and talk to Debs.

100. About what?

101. I want to apologize, okay?

102. - I'm gonna go. - I'll meet you there.

103. Oh, so you get to be late

104. 'cause you're fucking the boss, right?

105. Lip already got you a new job, so cut the shit.

106. Carl, can you drop Liam at Head Start

107. on your way to school?

108. Do I look like a babysitter?

109. No, you look like a criminal,

110. but last I checked, you were still a Gallagher.

111. Fine. Bros got to stick together.

112. Let's go.

113. Come on, little homey.

114. Don't be a little shit. Let's go.

115. I'm gonna be late.

116. I'm pregnant, Debs.

117. Not funny.

118. No, it's not, and it turns out that the pill

119. is a big fucking waste of money.

120. Are you lying? Are you making this up?

121. You are the only one who lies about pregnancies around here.

122. Jesus.

123. I'm not making it up.

124. Oh, my God.

125. This is amazing.

126. What are the chances?

127. We can raise them together like sisters.

128. Sister cousins!

129. Whose is it?

130. Is it Gus' or Sean's?

131. If it was Gus', that'd be weird.

132. How far along are you?

133. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.

134. Listen.

135. I'm saying...

136. I know how shitty this feels,

137. like something's taken over your body, and you feel sick

138. and, like, a little crazy, and I'm sorry

139. because I didn't get that before,

140. and I was harsh and cold and...

141. Anyway, I'm sorry.

142. Thank you.

143. And now we can go through it together.

144. We can go to the clinic.

145. We'll make appointments for the same day.

146. It'll be good. It'll be like a family outing.

147. Like Disneyland, only with abortions.

148. Wait, what?

149. What kind of apology is that?

150. Debs,

151. I know that you think that keeping it

152. will bring Derek back, but if he left you like this,

153. then he doesn't deserve you,

154. and there will be other guys that you will love—

155. No, no, no, no.

156. You're the one who sleeps around, Fiona, not me.

157. God.

158. You are disgusting.

159. You're a horrible human being.

160. You didn't even bother to divorce your husband.

161. You just ghosted him.

162. I what?

163. You ghosted him.

164. You disappeared.

165. And now you're gonna ghost your baby.

166. Family breakfast,

167. no one bothers to invite the padre.

168. Typical.

169. Frank, walk me to school.

170. Walk you to school? What are you—

171. You think I'm your father? All right.

172. Chicago PD. We have a warrant.

173. - Yo. - Hey, buddy.

174. What's up, man?

175. Oh.

176. Oh, check you out.

177. This is all yours? No roommate?

178. Yeah, it's pretty sweet, right?

179. Yeah. Titty art.

180. Trying to make sure everyone knows you're straight?

181. There's plenty of dude-on-dude action around here.

182. - You'll do fine. - Oh, sweet.

183. - Red Bull? - Nah, let's go grab a coffee.

184. - You can show me around. - You know, I can't.

185. You know, I got a lab due. I've been up all night.

186. I got a few more pages to go and then some classes,

187. but then I can hang.

188. Yeah, cool. I can, uh—

189. I should go check in at the new job anyway.

190. Yeah.

191. - Thanks, by the way. - Oh, yeah, you know what?

192. I'll introduce you to Prof Youens.

193. - You can thank him. - Cool.

194. This is some seriously nerdy shit.

195. Yeah.

196. I got to get to work.

197. All right, I'll catch you later, all right?

198. Yeah.

199. I'm gonna be a grandfather.

200. From the bowels of death, new life.

201. A new Gallagher.

202. Yeah, and Fiona's pregnant too.

203. Shut up!

204. A double grandfather.

205. Yeah, but Fiona doesn't want to have hers,

206. and she's trying to force me to get rid of mine too.

207. She says I'm too young.

208. She's wrong. Scientifically wrong.

209. Biologically speaking,

210. you're in your prime childbearing years.

211. Actually, a little beyond them.

212. If Fiona waits much longer, she's gonna have babies

213. that look like wombats.

214. Her labia will stretch halfway to her knees.

215. Men wanting to do cunnilingus will require a straw.

216. No, no, no, no, no, no.

217. This is your time, Debs.

218. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

219. But what about Fiona?

220. She can't force you to do anything.

221. You have the right to control your own body.

222. But Fiona has that right too.

223. Well, we won't let her.

224. I had to handcuff Monica to the bed

225. when she was pregnant with Carl.

226. I kept her loaded for months until he was too big to abort.

227. Yeah, I don't think Sean's gonna go for that.

228. Who's Sean?

229. Her boyfriend.

230. I thought she was married.

231. Never mind. I'll talk to her.

232. Okay.

233. Maybe we all should talk to her.

234. Absolutely.

235. We'll talk more after school, all right?

236. I got to run now.

237. I can't be late for my cancer support group.

238. Wait, Frank.

239. Do you have cancer?

240. Not that I know of.

241. Knock wood.

242. Can I help you?

243. Hi, uh, I'm Ian Gallagher.

244. Today's my first day.

245. Y-you spell Ian with three letters?

246. Uh, yeah.

247. - I-A-N. - That's lucky.

248. It costs extra to get more than three letters

249. embroidered on your uniform.

250. That's why Tod lost his second D.

251. A-a-a-and Ron, he— he used to be called Ronnie,

252. but you don't have to change your name at all.

253. That's like fate.

254. Come on, I'll show you around.

255. Ian.

256. Tod had a, uh, car accident a few years ago.

257. He's got a plate in his head now.

258. He's a bit simpler than he used to be,

259. but, uh, well, he's a good guy.

260. So you ever done any work like this?

261. I, uh, washed dishes in a diner, bussed tables.

262. Well, this is like that, only without the tips.

263. Yep.

264. You punch in here.

265. As low man on the totem pole, your job will be

266. to empty the trash all over the campus

267. and to clean up any messes you may find along the way.

268. Now, you pull this bin with you.

269. You come in and you get a mop and a bucket if you need it.

270. Hit all the classroom bins but only in between classes.

271. It's a timing thing, but, uh, well, you look smart.

272. You'll figure it out.

273. So that's it?

274. I empty trash all day?

275. Half hour for lunch, 1 PM.

276. Clock out for your breaks.

277. The day ends at 5 PM.

278. Now, once you get the hang of the trash patrol,

279. we'll train you on the bathrooms.

280. Now, we'll get this uniform embroidered,

281. but, uh, for today, you can be Dave.

282. Hey, you see a bike you like?

283. Don't worry, my homey. I got you.

284. We'll find your dream bike.

285. Hey, yo, Dominique.

286. I been missing you.

287. You don't know me.

288. I know you from my dreams.

289. I already told you and your cornrows

290. to leave me alone.

291. Why you got to dis the rows?

292. They never did nothing but love you.

293. Why are you trying to play hard when you're nothing

294. but a white boy playing dress-up?

295. You hurt me, Dominique.

296. You hurt my heart and my soul.

297. You think color's nothing but a skin tone.

298. You see my brother Nick there?

299. We was in juvie together.

300. He sees past my skin

301. into my dark, black soul.

302. Carl.

303. Fiona's pregnant and I want the whole family

304. to talk her into keeping it.

305. - You in? - White girl, I don't know you.

306. Mr. Gallagher,

307. I'd like a word with you in my office.

308. There are ways to make things right.

309. The man is paralyzed. You feeling guilty?

310. He's gonna need help around the house.

311. Hey, thanks for coming.

312. Well, your text said 911 and—

313. I accidentally cut our neighbor's motorcycle

314. brake cable, and now he's paralyzed for life.

315. - Kevin! - What?

316. God, it just feels good to say it out loud.

317. I'll explain later.

318. What's going on with you? You look like hell.

319. Hey, uh, Kev, grab a table and order.

320. Hey, man.

321. Paralyzed a dude.

322. Cut his brake cable.

323. Cool.

324. Want a menu?

325. I'm pregnant.

326. - What? - Yep.

327. Wait. Debbie is pregnant, you said.

328. Turns out we got a two-for-one over at our place.

329. It's like a fucking sick joke, V.

330. We're both knocked up, she wants to keep hers,

331. Ian hates my guts, Carl is, like, turning into

332. a fucking criminal, and I'm, like—

333. - Shit, what is this? - It's the hormones.

334. You just start leaking down your face until the babies are born.

335. Then you start leaking out your titties.

336. Oh.

337. Whose is it?

338. Sean's.

339. Or maybe Gus'.

340. Possibly Jimmy's.

341. That's not funny.

342. I'm sorry.

343. Maybe not funny "ha-ha" but funny slutty.

344. Oh.

345. Oh. You gonna tell any of them?

346. No, 'cause I'm not gonna have it.

347. You're not gonna tell Sean?

348. No. There's no reason to.

349. But I think I got to go see Gus.

350. Fucking Debbie.

351. She accused me of ghosting him,

352. and I get that she's 15 and by definition

353. that makes her a bitch, but it's, like,

354. really fucking with me.

355. It's fucking with you 'cause it's true.

356. You did ghost him.

357. You never ended it.

358. You never gave him back his ring.

359. I know.

360. And it's like, she can't have this baby, but...

361. there's no chance she's gonna listen to me

362. until I clean up my own shit.

363. Oh.

364. His band's got a gig tonight.

365. It's all over Facebook.

366. Go and see him,

367. and then tell Debbie that you're getting your house in order

368. and she should to do the same in the form of evacuating

369. her underage womb.

370. Students talk.

371. They talk in the corridors, in the cafeteria.

372. They talk, and they seem to think that if they lower

373. their bellowing voices only slightly

374. that I can't hear them.

375. But I have the ears of a dog, Mr. Gallagher,

376. the ears of a dog and the soul of a warrior.

377. Heard you're selling weapons, son.

378. There was a school shooting at Westmont last month,

379. three kids and two teachers shot.

380. And Bridgemont Middle School, 13-year-old lost a leg.

381. Hobbling around on a peg now.

382. - So? - So?

383. You don't care about your fellow man?

384. I want a GLOCK.

385. A nine-millimeter semi with an extended mag

386. but no cop-killer bullets.

387. I need hollow tips.

388. Can't have my bullet going through the shooter

389. into some innocent kid.

390. Hey, inventory and payroll are done,

391. and tomorrow's orders are in.

392. Do you mind if I, uh, go handle some shit that needs handling?

393. No, I don't mind a bit

394. if you tell me what's going on.

395. - Thanks. - Just family stuff.

396. - I call bullshit. - What do you mean?

397. What I mean is, tell me what's going on.

398. Besides my 15-year-old sister planning to ruin her life

399. and mine?

400. Yeah.

401. I can tell when somebody's being cagey or full of shit

402. 'cause I spent most of my life being both.

403. Is that supposed to comfort me?

404. I'm saying direct's a better approach with me.

405. Fine.

406. I'm gonna go to the clinic to see if I can

407. make an appointment for Debbie, and then...

408. I'm gonna go see Gus tonight.

409. Husband Gus? Augustus Gus?

410. Do you know another Gus?

411. No. Why?

412. I want to tell him that it's over.

413. Pretty sure he knows.

414. Tell him I'm sorry.

415. Give him back his grandmother's ring.

416. Why would you not just tell me that?

417. I don't know.

418. Felt personal somehow.

419. Okay.

420. Go and do what you need to do.

421. Thanks.

422. Been looking for you.

423. I was just leaving. What do you want?

424. Debbie told me the good news.

425. I could just weep with joy.

426. Oh, God. Jesus, Frank.

427. Let go of me.

428. Can I congratulate the papa-to-be?

429. You cannot.

430. Is it the guy you were kissing in here?

431. Are there multiple options to it?

432. Hey, yo, Dominique, I want you to be my baby.

433. It's your heart, your soul, and body that I seek.

434. What is the matter with you?

435. Mr. Gallagher, I just wanted to commend you

436. as a fine, upstanding African-American citizen

437. of our proud school.

438. Thank you, Principal.

439. Sir, no disrespect, but he's white.

440. Don't be ridiculous.

441. More of our African-American youth

442. should be like young Carl here.

443. Think that was too much?

444. Nah, I think we gained some ground.

445. A'ight, let's do some business.

446. How is he? Coming home?

447. Yeah, but only because he doesn't trust his doctors.

448. Something about them being immigrants or something.

449. Uh, well, isn't he an immigrant?

450. He's paralyzed.

451. I don't think we should be criticizing him.

452. It's very nice of you to clean up his yard.

453. Very neighborly.

454. Yeah, we should do something for him too.

455. Maybe plant a nice garden.

456. Ooh, maybe roses and a new lawn.

457. I think maybe it's the best if you two just stay clear.

458. I'm gonna pick him up and I'm gonna

459. bring him back in a couple hours.

460. Maybe a new fence.

461. She thinks just 'cause I'm pregnant

462. means I'm gonna drop out, which it obviously doesn't,

463. but if she has her baby, it'll be so much easier

464. 'cause she'll be taking care of hers anyway,

465. so she can just watch mine while I go to school.

466. Stop screwing in there. We need to pee!

467. Forget it. I'm gonna pee in the sink.

468. God, this is such bullshit.

469. This is why teen moms drop out of high school

470. even though we are in our prime childbearing years.

471. Uh, you can't do that.

472. My pregnancy is no less punishing to my bladder

473. than your paralysis is to yours.

474. Right?

475. I'm trying to wipe.

476. Do you mind?

477. - Fiona Gallagher. - Yeah.

478. Reason for visit?

479. Uh, I'm pregnant and I need a—

480. We'd like to learn about prenatal care, please.

481. No, we wouldn't.

482. You're here to discuss your options?

483. - I'm here to get an abortion... - No, she's not.

484. but they said I need to make an appointment for a pee test.

485. A pee test and a reservation in hell.

486. Jesus Christ.

487. He's opposed to abortion.

488. I'm pretty sure that's on record.

489. Can we do it today? Like, right now?

490. Your mother would weep if she heard you say that.

491. Can you make him leave?

492. If I leave, I'm gonna go talk to the baby daddy.

493. - You're not the father? - I am the grandfather.

494. My God, I love the way that sounds.

495. You go anywhere near Sean, and I will set you on fire

496. in your fucking sleep.

497. About that appointment.

498. We can't do it today, but we can schedule for next week.

499. You'll be medicated, so you'll need somebody to pick you up.

500. You have a husband or boyfriend?

501. - I can— - She has both.

502. - Who's in my yard? - Oh, some of the neighbors.

503. They want to do something nice for you.

504. They're throwing away all my shit!

505. You goddamn kunas!

506. I'll kill you first, xekoliaras!

507. Jesus Christ!

508. You stupid b—

509. Hey.

510. Uh, I was just gonna empty the trash.

511. - Should I come back? - No. No, no, no.

512. Come in. Uh, this is Professor Youens.

513. He made the call to get you the job.

514. Oh.

515. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

516. How do you pronounce that?

517. - "Dav"? - Dave.

518. Uh, Ian. His name's Ian.

519. You look young, Ian. You still in high school?

520. No, he, uh—

521. I dropped out. Joined the army.

522. Since when does the US Army accept high school dropouts?

523. They don't. I registered as Lip.

524. It's a long story.

525. - He as smart as you? - No.

526. Yeah, he's smart.

527. Lip is the genius of the family.

528. So that gives you an excuse for not finishing?

529. You seem plenty smart, and Dav's uniform

530. doesn't really suit you.

531. You want to get some food or something?

532. Yeah.

533. Cool.

534. - Fiona here? - Napping.

535. Hopefully dreaming of her unborn child.

536. We need to convince her to keep it.

537. - Who's she? - That's Juanita.

538. Juanita...

539. Gracias.

540. I'm starving.

541. Baby needs to eat.

542. Time for you to learn the grand Gallagher art

543. of living off the American government.

544. Well, I have to pick up Liam, and I told V I'd babysit.

545. - Yo, I'll get Liam. - You will?

546. I need to introduce him to somebody.

547. You got a problem with that, you can give my drumstick back.

548. Whatever.

549. A'ight, we'll go pick up little homey

550. and pay Dominique a visit.

551. She need to understand the bloodlines around here.

552. So your professor's kind of a dick, huh?

553. Oh, he's fucking harmless.

554. He actually reminds me of Frank, only he's, uh—

555. Privileged?

556. I was gonna say employed. Yo, Joaquin.

557. - Hey, hey, what's up, brother? - What's up, man?

558. Hey, this is my brother Ian.

559. - What's up, Ian? - 'Sup?

560. Hey, did you get that paper done on Schrodinger's cat?

561. Ah, that shit fucks with me, man.

562. I know, right?

563. It's like shit exists

564. because we're observing it,

565. changes based on us observing it.

566. Yeah, it's like those girls.

567. Like, if we weren't here right now to see them,

568. they might not be laughing.

569. - Right? - Right.

570. The fuck you talking about?

571. - Quantum physics. - Quantum mechanics.

572. Thought you were talking about a cat.

573. We kind of— kind of are; it's just— it's—

574. you know, it's complicated.

575. It's a— it's a long story.

576. I got to clock out.

577. Yeah, well, I'll catch you back at the dorms, though, right?

578. Welfare is not as simple as the name makes it sound.

579. It requires careful calculations,

580. proper paperwork, and a little bit of luck.

581. Now, one baby is worth $357 a month,

582. but twins will get you an extra $154.

583. Do twins run in your boyfriend's family?

584. I don't have a boyfriend and I don't acknowledge his family.

585. Okay.

586. So if the baby has a club foot or a harelip,

587. that's worth an extra $100, so you might want to lighten up

588. on the prenatal vitamins.

589. Mental deficits are worth a lot, but they cost a lot,

590. so don't cut out the folic acid completely.

591. I'm taking all my vitamins.

592. Okay. Suit yourself.

593. We'll get you all signed up here.

594. Then we'll work on your sister.

595. She's so stubborn.

596. She's already made an appointment to terminate.

597. Shit.

598. Do you know how to do an intervention?

599. Yeah. Yes.

600. Never been on this side of one of those.

601. That's exciting.

602. An abortion intervention.

603. An inter-vortion.

604. I should trademark that.

605. Good afternoon, ma'am.

606. This is my dependent, and she's about to have

607. a dependent of her own.

608. We'll need the proper forms.

609. Okay, here you go.

610. See?

611. Free money.

612. Uh, nope.

613. We're missing the TANF forms.

614. We're not new at this.

615. It's like Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.

616. Yes?

617. Dom here?

618. Nope.

619. Wh— she's right there.

620. No, she's not.

621. I want her to meet my brother.

622. Dom, this is my brother.

623. Say what up, Liam.

624. What up, Liam?

625. Your brother?

626. - Or your bro? - My blood, sir.

627. Same mom, same pops.

628. Dom be calling me white all day,

629. so I had to make a point, sir.

630. Just 'cause his skin is a little darker than mine

631. ain't no reason to call a nigga white.

632. I'm gonna give you a ten-second head start.

633. You better run, boy.

634. And take Shaq with you.

635. Go!

636. - Ten, nine, eight... - I won't stop seeing you!

637. - Dom, I won't stop seeing you! - ... seven, six...

638. five, four, three, two.

639. Feel like I'm gonna throw up.

640. - It's the hormones. - Not this time.

641. - Just talk to him. - I don't know what to say.

642. How about, "I'm pregnant with what may be

643. another man's baby, so we should probably get a divorce.

644. Here's your ring."

645. Oh, shit.

646. Go ahead. Rip the Band-Aid.

647. Hey.

648. Hey.

649. Got an invite on Facebook.

650. Yeah, I guess you're still on the mailing list.

651. Guess so.

652. You look good.

653. I guess, you know, the way we left things, I—

654. - Gus. - Yeah, I'm coming.

655. I'm glad you're here.

656. You are?

657. I wrote a song for you.

658. You did?

659. You gonna hang out?

660. Yeah, sure.

661. Can we talk after?

662. Sure.

663. Nobody's bleeding, so that went better than I expected.

664. Yeah, me too.

665. You want to get us drinks?

666. We're staying?

667. Yeah.

668. Hey.

669. Hey, what up?

670. This happen every night?

671. Nah, just most nights.

672. I think I like college.

673. Yeah.

674. So, uh, we have a special guest tonight.

675. My wife is here.

676. Haven't seen her for a while.

677. She's right over there.

678. Give a little wave, Fiona.

679. This song's for you, babe.

680. It's called "The F Word."

681. Shit, I'm wasted.

682. It's medical-grade weed plus piss-grade beer.

683. I'm seeing triple.

684. I think I need to crash.

685. Me too.

686. Mind if I crash here?

687. Yeah, of course.

688. Like, for a while.

689. I hate it at home.

690. Fiona and Debbie are always fighting,

691. and she treats me like I'm five.

692. Change of scene would be nice.

693. Plus I figure we shared a room, like, our whole life.

694. Yeah.

695. Yeah.

696. No, I mean, um...

697. yeah, no, it's just...

698. you know, Helene comes over sometimes.

699. Oh.

700. Okay, the salty dog.

701. I'll clear out when she's here.

702. You know, and I'm the RA now, and—

703. I don't know, you know.

704. I just— I guess I feel like I kind of earned my space

705. or whatever.

706. But you can totally crash tonight.

707. Or any night, you know.

708. Just don't move your shit in is all I'm saying.

709. You smoking now?

710. Oh, I'll quit soon.

711. You okay?

712. Yeah.

713. Just wanted to see you.

714. Nice.

715. How was dinner?

716. Well, it was slow.

717. How was Gus?

718. Hmm.

719. Angry.

720. So it went well, then.

721. About as well as you'd expect, you know,

722. only with music.

723. Did you give him back his ring?

724. No, I left after a few songs.

725. How'd you do today

726. with the whole

727. not doing drugs?

728. Oh, I did great,

729. in that I did not do drugs.

730. You crying?

731. Motherfucker.

732. You gonna end it?

733. What?

734. Between us because of my slip.

735. - No. - You sure?

736. Because you've been acting really weird,

737. and you're crying now, and, uh...

738. No, it's 'cause Gus wrote a song about me

739. called "The F Word," and he played it

740. in front of about 100 people.

741. That is such a pussy move.

742. If I were him, I'd have just burned your house down.

743. I fucking love you, okay?

744. Okay.

745. I'm just fried.

746. It's all right, babe.

747. I'm gonna go home and crash. You want to come?

748. No, I'm got to hit another meeting.

749. You want me to walk you?

750. No.

751. I want you to make your meeting.

752. Hey, sing me some of "The F Word"?

753. What the fuck?

754. Fiona, this is an inter-vortion.

755. - Trademark pending. - A what?

756. We are here to stop you from destroying your soul,

757. this family, and my legacy, which all live in the form

758. of a defenseless fetus in your womb.

759. - Are you serious? - I came to back you.

760. I came 'cause I paralyzed a dude.

761. - Kev. - I just like to say it.

762. It's a crime against God.

763. When was the last time you went to church?

764. I light candles for Bianca daily.

765. Other than to steal from the offering plate?

766. What's the name of our pope?

767. He prefers to go by Holy Father.

768. Can you recite one prayer?

769. This isn't about me, Fiona.

770. This is about the Gallaghers.

771. Gallaghers don't abort.

772. No, they just abandon their kids once they have them,

773. or they drink so much, they can't remember them.

774. Boom! Good one.

775. That's the Irish way.

776. We can't help thousands of years of inebriated evolution.

777. Are you saying you wish we didn't have you?

778. Because your mother didn't want to.

779. Thought Gallaghers didn't abort.

780. I kept her from it until that last one at the end.

781. After you've pushed out six,

782. God gives you a "get out of hell free" card.

783. Where are you and your friend gonna sleep

784. if Debbie and I have babies?

785. 'Cause I'll need to turn your room into a nursery for sure.

786. Ha! Burn.

787. Don't kill babies, Fiona.

788. I won't kill any babies.

789. I'll just have some cells in my tummy vacuumed out, okay?

790. I confided in you, and you told everyone.

791. Because I care about you.

792. Are you saying I don't have the right to choose?

793. No. I'm a feminist. I believe you have that right.

794. Tell her your feelings.

795. I want our babies to play together.

796. They're cousins!

797. They are not babies. They are not cousins.

798. They are the size of warts right now,

799. and when you get a wart, you freeze it off.

800. Damn, that's cold.

801. You are not watching a tennis match on TV.

802. - People can hear you. - Sorry.

803. V, you're a mother.

804. Do you wish you'd frozen your babies like warts?

805. No, I love my babies, but I wasn't 15 when I had them.

806. We're not talking about me. We're talking about Fiona.

807. I'm hungry. Breakfast?

808. That's because you're eating for two.

809. Frank, one more word, you'll be sharing a mattress

810. with your friends out back.

811. Babies bite your nipples, spit up in your mouth,

812. stretch out your punany.

813. Think about that.

814. Here, let me help with that.

815. I got it.

816. I said I got it.

817. It's probably my puke.

818. Hey.

819. I got it.

820. Pissed about something?

821. No.

822. I just wanted to help.

823. Hey, I just don't want your help.

824. Well, what's up?

825. I'm busy.

826. Some of us actually have to work for a living.

827. Yeah, no, I-I work.

828. All right, what's your problem?

829. This is it for me, Lip.

830. This job. This is where I land.

831. So you want to come to me and talk about how hard

832. your fucking job is as a teacher's assistant...

833. I never said that—

834. while I clean up your goddamn puke?

835. Look, if you want a better job,

836. you can go back to high school.

837. All right? Nobody made you drop out.

838. Fuck you.

839. Fuck you. All right?

840. I got you this job, man. Now you don't want it?

841. You won't share your room because you think

842. you've earned your space,

843. and then you sit around and laugh at me with your fucking

844. shitty bitch college friends and say words like "prof"

845. and "caf" like you're too fucking busy

846. to finish your goddamn words,

847. but I'm the one with the problem?

848. Fuck!

849. Hey, hey, hey.

850. - Shit. - That's enough, man.

851. - That's enough, man. - Let go!

852. It's okay. Let him go!

853. You want me to let him hit you?

854. Fuck! It's fine!

855. Fucking done!

856. Fuck.

857. Excuse me, Carl Gallagher?

858. Yeah?

859. I need a word.

860. Do I know you?

861. No. I teach AP Calculus.

862. I'm almost certain you never will qualify.

863. All right, so what are we talking about here?

864. Hopefully we're talking about a Smith & Wesson lady model.

865. Pink handle would be nice.

866. I have cash.

867. Already adding high school dropout

868. to your teen mom résumé?

869. Fiona, I want you to support my decision.

870. You don't want to have yours, that's fine.

871. I will support that if it's what you really want to do.

872. But I need you to support me too

873. because no one else does.

874. Not our family, not our neighbors,

875. not my school, just Frank,

876. and he's Frank.

877. Please, Fiona.

878. If you love me, you will support my decision in having this baby

879. because I know I'm going to be a great mom.

880. You are gonna be a great mom.

881. Just not yet.

882. Hey, we can have babies together in ten years

883. when we're ready.

884. Because it's all about timing,

885. and the timing is not right for us right now.

886. We made mistakes,

887. but it's not too late to fix them.

888. No, Fiona.

889. Mine wasn't a mistake.

890. I did it on purpose.

891. I lied to Derek that I was on the pill

892. because I know what I want.

893. You're right.

894. Frank is the only person who thinks this pregnancy

895. is a good idea.

896. You have Frank on your side,

897. and that should bother you.

898. You should be crying,

899. and I want you to really get this too—

900. if you have this baby,

901. I will not support you.

902. Not physically, not emotionally.

903. I will not change a fucking diaper.

904. I will not be woken up in the middle of the night

905. because it has fever or croup or fucking colic

906. because you will not be living under my roof.

907. You are on your own if you do this.

908. You called in sick.

909. Yeah, I'm feeling sick.

910. I am clean and sober...

911. and that small amount of heroin I recently did

912. did not affect my ability to listen and respond,

913. if you want to talk about what's going on,

914. which for fuck's sake, I, uh,

915. really hope you do.

916. I'm gonna catch one Lisa while the other Lisa isn't looking

917. and skin her alive.

918. Then I'm gonna wrap the other one in the first one's skin

919. and beat her with a bat until she dies.

920. It wasn't them.

921. All right, Yanis? They didn't do it.

922. The Lisas didn't cut your brake line,

923. so there's no point in skinning one of them

924. and then wrapping the other one in her skin.

925. Hold on a second; what makes you say it wasn't them?

926. Because the Lisas were out of town the day of your accident.

927. I know who it was, then.

928. Look, Yanis—

929. That lawyer motherfucker on the corner with the Audi.

930. That gentrifying piece of skata.

931. I'm gonna kill his kids

932. and feed him their testicles on a shish kebab.

933. No, man, what? That's not right.

934. You don't bring kids— no.

935. The Bible says we're supposed to forgive.

936. Hey, man.

937. I'm never gonna see a woman's naked body

938. ever again unless I pay for it.

939. My life is over, so the Bible can suck my dick,

940. and so can that lawyer's kids!

941. So how long do you want to sit here like this?

942. 'Cause I can— I can wait all day,

943. but I do have a few errands to run,

944. and there's no manager on the floor

945. at the diner right now, so—

946. I'm pregnant and I'm not having it.

947. And you don't get to have an opinion about it

948. 'cause I don't know how long I've been pregnant,

949. and I don't even know if it's yours,

950. which you also don't get to have an opinion about.

951. Just like I'm not allowed to have any opinion

952. about you shooting up,

953. and I'm not allowed to ask you to make any promises.

954. This is like that.

955. Like that.

956. You don't get a vote,

957. and you don't get to go shoot up over it either.

958. And these tears aren't because I'm sad

959. to have a fucking abortion

960. or because I'm having mixed feelings.

961. They're because I had a shit week

962. and because the hormones that are raging through my body

963. have swollen my tits so much

964. that my fucking bra doesn't fit and it hurts.

965. Yeah, I got to go to the bank and make a deposit.

966. You want to walk with me?

967. Sure.

968. You letting me walk by?

969. No rhymes to recite?

970. You got a problem with my skin tone, so...

971. That's not my problem with you.

972. My problem is that you go out of your way

973. to sound uneducated and to look like a gangbanger,

974. and I'm not down with that.

975. You don't like rap?

976. I prefer Shakespeare.

977. What can I say? I'm a fool for love.

978. I'm Romeo,

979. and you're my Juliet.

980. Yeah, they both ended up dead.

981. Shit. They did?

982. Whoa!

983. Hold still!

984. Kevin, you have to let this go now.

985. That man can't kill the lawyers or the Lisas or anybody else

986. 'cause he can't get out of the house without your help.

987. He doesn't have any other friends.

988. Nobody likes him.

989. You know why? Because the guy's an asshole.

990. So...

991. maybe this wasn't an accident, Kev.

992. Maybe he didn't deserve working legs.

993. Maybe guilt isn't what you should be feeling.

994. Maybe you should be feeling like a hero.

995. You saved the neighborhood.

996. You are God's personal army, and you have been rewarded.

997. We have two healthy girls, and our business was named

998. the best shittiest bar on the South Side.

999. So let go of the guilt and focus on what's good.

1000. You know Ian used to wake up every morning,

1001. do 200 push-ups before going to school?

1002. Hard-core ROTC.

1003. Well, he wanted to be a soldier.

1004. I don't know.

1005. You know, he thinks...

1006. being bipolar means he's doomed to be a piece of shit

1007. like our mother.

1008. Well, maybe it's true.

1009. Maybe it's not.

1010. Sing me a tiny little bit of that song.

1011. I'm saying please.

1012. - Never. - Aw.

1013. Wasn't anything I didn't deserve.

1014. Things could be worse.

1015. Eviction notice?

1016. Are you kidding me?

1017. That's just like the one we got last week.

1018. Hey!

1019. Jesus.

1020. Holy shit.

1021. Fuck.

1022. Hey, lady!

1023. You okay?

1024. Hey! Hey!

1025. Hey, lady!

1026. Wake up! Wake up!

1027. There's fire. Wake up!

1028. Hey, can you hear me?

1029. Fuck.

1030. Fuck.

1031. Hey.

1032. Can you hear me?

1033. Sir?

1034. Can you tell me your name, sir?

1035. Let's get some oxygen over here!