Shameless 11x7

1. Hey, what are you doing here?

2. You didn't even watch last week's Shameless.

3. Get the fuck out of my truck.

4. Something weird happened with Tish.

5. She didn't wanna use a condom, but I did.

6. I tried to pull out, but she wrapped her legs

7. so tight and wouldn't let me.

8. She raped you.

9. Are we in a relationship?

10. Sandy!

11. Who's that?

12. It's my fucking husband.

13. Your what?

14. Now all I gotta do is get Black folks

15. moving back into the neighborhood.

16. Black folks don't shoot up schools.

17. When Mikaela has a problem with Laquon,

18. she knows she gotta go to his mama's house,

19. handle it there.

20. We can stash the bikes in here till you find some buyers.

21. You're cool letting us use your gym?

22. How much?

23. Five percent.

24. Deal.

25. I saw my dad yesterday.

26. I told him about us maybe taking over my old bedroom.

27. No, no, no, absolutely not.

28. We're, uh... we're thinking we wanna sell the house,

29. the Gallagher house.

30. Fuck that.

31. A woman found you unconscious

32. and bleeding behind a Dumpster.

33. Dementia?

34. Good morning, oh brother of mine.

35. Made you breakfast.

36. - What's with her?

37. I wouldn't trust it.

38. Good morning, boys.

39. Look what I made.

40. Your favorite.

41. Why the fuck are you touching me right now?

42. Tami, Phillip, bacon rainbows?

43. Flower pancakes?

44. Uh, we're good.

45. Uh, good. Thanks, though.

46. Hey, bud.

47. So, um...

48. things got a little bit heated last night,

49. but now that we've all slept on it,

50. I would like to reopen the discussion

51. about fixing up the house to sell.

52. Um...

53. if we knocked out a couple walls,

54. created a more open floor plan,

55. we could add 30 grand to the sale price.

56. Debs, what do you think?

57. Oh, Phillip... Well, I think

58. you can take your open floor plan

59. - and lick my vagina. Gross.

60. Jesus fucking Christ, what is the big deal?

61. I grew up here.

62. Yeah, we all grew up here.

63. Maybe our kids can grow up someplace nicer.

64. Yeah, maybe somewhere Frank doesn't live.

65. Oh, I see what this is.

66. It's not even your idea.

67. Fucking Little Miss Middle Class

68. wants her townhouse in Pilsen.

69. Whoa, hold on a second. I didn't even—

70. How hard did you have to twist his little nut sack

71. for him to do what you wanted?

72. Nobody twisted my nut sack, all right?

73. And it doesn't matter whose idea this is.

74. It's a good idea.

75. You are the only one who doesn't think so.

76. Well, Ian only thinks so because you think so.

77. - What? - And Carl's too stupid to think

78. - anything at all. - Hey, that's not true.

79. Mickey and I have been saving up to get our own place.

80. When did that idea come? Right when Lip moved out.

81. "Lip got his own place. I should too."

82. That's bullshit.

83. I don't just do things 'cause Lip says.

84. Well, you sort of do, though.

85. Name one thing.

86. Switched from tighty-whiteys to boxers 'cause Lip did.

87. I had a fungus issue. Boxers air the boys out better.

88. Totally. Who told you that again?

89. Lip. Fuck the both of you.

90. I'm my own man.

91. Okay, big shot. Why don't you tell Lip

92. you don't wanna sell the house, then?

93. Mickey, hey, stop. Family only.

94. Mickey's family.

95. Yeah, well, he's just saying—

96. This doesn't concern you, Tami.

97. Yeah, none of this concerns you, Tami.

98. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So Mickey's family,

99. but Tami's not family?

100. Yeah. They're married.

101. Tami has no right to tell you to sell my house.

102. Oh, my God. I didn't tell him

103. to do anything.

104. - What the fuck? - All right, back off.

105. All right? I got this.

106. Wow.

107. Carl, we sell, we each get 20 grand.

108. Right? Maybe more, okay?

109. You could get a sick bachelor pad for that.

110. Awesome.

111. You're gonna have to clean that bachelor pad

112. - and cook your own meals. - Shit.

113. You'll be able to have sex

114. without someone barging in and asking for deodorant.

115. But you'll have to pay your own bills.

116. Look, you can do that online. It's easy.

117. Carl doesn't know which remote turns the TV on.

118. You think he can pay his own bills online?

119. Debbie, you can't just insult your way

120. into getting what you want.

121. And you can't fuck your way

122. into getting what you want, Tami!

123. The fuck is so funny?

124. I mean, why do you all still live together?

125. You obviously hate each other.

126. - We don't hate each other. - We don't all hate each other.

127. - We just all hate Debbie.

128. Hey, Ian doesn't hate Lip. Ian loves Lip.

129. Lip is his only friend in the whole fucking world.

130. Oh, fuck you, Debbie.

131. - She's not wrong, though. - All right, could we all

132. just put our personal shit aside,

133. right, calm the fuck down,

134. and just have a rational discussion for once?

135. We have to pay for water?

136. Yes, water costs money.

137. Okay, how about we don't calm the fuck down,

138. and we get up in Debbie's face,

139. and we call her out for being

140. the selfish brat that she is?

141. - You cut hair, Tami. - Tami, Tami, not helping.

142. If Lip told you to lick a cat turd

143. off a steam pipe in the middle of July—

144. Yeah, I got something here to lick on.

145. Nobody's licking any turds! All right?

146. I could get a maid, right? I don't wanna have to clean

147. the shit out of my own toilet.

148. A maid's not gonna cook for you.

149. You're gonna starve.

150. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

151. Everybody shut the fuck up, please.

152. Let's just vote and be done with it.

153. Sell!

154. - Shut up, Franny! Atta girl.

155. Nice mothering, Debbie.

156. Stop, all right? Tami, Mickey,

157. stay out of it. Franny, you too.

158. I vote sell.

159. I vote no.

160. Ian.

161. I vote no.

162. Yes. Gallaghers, unite.

163. You fucking kidding me?

164. Oh, shut up. Carl?

165. Can I think about it?

166. - Yes. - Right now, decision.

167. Liam.

168. Where the fuck is Liam?

169. Mm, don't you look beautiful!

170. No, sir. You let Lip hide

171. stolen motorcycles in Kev-Fit.

172. You and I don't have anything to say to each other

173. until this is over.

174. It's only for a couple of days!

175. Did you see that chopper?

176. I've always wanted a chopper like that.

177. I'd be ten times more fuckable in a chopper.

178. If you get on that chopper, you're never gonna get...

179. fucked again.

180. Brad's got a buyer in Indiana.

181. Him and Lip are running two of them there today.

182. Get rid of them. All of them.

183. Yes, ma'am. Girls, you ready

184. to go to school?

185. Where the hell are they going?

186. Girls?

187. Who's in there?

188. - Liam? - Hi.

189. - Christ, Liam! - What are you doing here?

190. Lip's selling the house.

191. - Lip's selling the house? - What?

192. Everyone's moving on with their lives,

193. and I'm gonna end up homeless.

194. Can I live with you?

195. - You got this? - Yeah, I got it.

196. All right, cool. Girls, let's go.

197. Come on. I gotta go sign in voters.

198. It's election day.

199. But in the meantime, you and I are gonna talk

200. about why young Black men can't go around

201. breaking into people's houses.

202. Come on.

203. A Gallagher has lived in that house

204. since before statehood.

205. My great-great-great grandfather Connell

206. built it on the foundation of a Kickapoo hut,

207. and it's mine.

208. I should have a say.

209. I should have...

210. more than a say.

211. I'm their father.

212. I gotta...

213. I gotta stop this.

214. Thank... thank you. Thanks for talking me

215. through this.

216. I'll see you later.

217. You gonna pay for those beers?

218. Just put it on my tab.

219. You don't have a tab.

220. Um...

221. Where... how did I get here?

222. I don't know how you got here,

223. but I know how you leaving

224. if you don't pay for your beers.

225. I ordered five beers, didn't drink any of them?

226. Don't care if you drink them or not,

227. long as you pay for them.

228. Uh...

229. I, um...

230. Chubby!

231. Jesus.

232. Okay, okay.

233. - Out of the road, asshole!

234. Yo, bathroom free?

235. I'd give it a minute.

236. - What are you looking at? - Apartments.

237. Figure when you guys sell the house,

238. - we should probably have a— Sell?

239. You just dared me not to sell the house.

240. Come on, I was just giving you shit

241. for always doing what Lip does, man.

242. Go tell the others we wanna sell this shitbag.

243. Let's find a place with lots of rooms to fuck in.

244. - You know what I mean? - No.

245. I change my vote, Debbie thinks she's right,

246. and I promised to never let Debbie think she's right.

247. Promised who?

248. Lip.

249. Damn, man, you do need friends who aren't Lip.

250. I have friends who aren't Lip.

251. Uh-huh? Like who?

252. - Don't say me. You.

253. All right, what friends have you got?

254. - Don't say me. You.

255. See? Neither of us have friends.

256. Yeah, but as far as I'm concerned,

257. a friend is just someone else I gotta shoot

258. before they turn state's evidence.

259. Yeah, well, if I need friends,

260. you need friends.

261. Why?

262. You really want me hanging out by myself

263. with a bunch of gay guys, talking about sex and stuff?

264. Why would you do that?

265. That's what friends do.

266. Fuck you. Make friends with chicks.

267. Yeah, 'cause chicks wanna hear about our sex life.

268. Why do you wanna be talking to everybody

269. about our fucking sex lives?

270. I don't. But say I wanted to bitch

271. about you not liking having your ass licked.

272. Oh, Christ. This again.

273. I can't do that with a bunch

274. of straight guys or with girls.

275. I can only do that with gay guys.

276. You already have some, don't you?

277. You got a group of gay friends

278. who know I don't like getting my ass licked,

279. and now I gotta go fucking murder

280. a bunch of people.

281. No, but if I make gay friends,

282. we're gonna talk about sex,

283. and if you're not there,

284. who knows what'll happen?

285. Oh, really?

286. Remember the whole monogamy conversation we had?

287. What'd we decide?

288. We can hump other people when we're together,

289. not when we're on our own.

290. Then I guess we should make some friends together.

291. Fuck, man, I hate the fucking gays.

292. All their "meh" and their "bleh."

293. They're not all like that.

294. Okay, well, let's find some who aren't like that.

295. Where do we find those gays?

296. I don't know.

297. Furniture shopping? The gym.

298. Fancy places have free trial weeks.

299. All right, great, so we find some fucking fancy gays

300. at the gym. Then what?

301. Smile?

302. Talk to them?

303. Jesus Christ, I gotta smile now too?

304. You seemed pretty happy

305. with how I woke you up this morning.

306. Whatever.

307. Fuck me.

308. Hi. I brought you a coffee.

309. No, thanks.

310. Where you headed?

311. Winfrey Elementary.

312. Gonna go talk to the first graders

313. about stranger danger.

314. Okay, well, you wanna... get together tonight,

315. like dinner or something?

316. Uh, look, I don't think

317. we should be seeing each other anymore.

318. Okay. Uh...

319. W-wait, I-I thought that...

320. Okay.

321. Shh, there you go. Shh.

322. Yeah.

323. Yeah, all right, great. Yeah, I'll see you in an hour.

324. A'ight, bye.

325. Hey.

326. Brad found a buyer

327. for the bikes in Merrillville,

328. so I'm gonna go pick them up from Kev's

329. - and run them down. - Great.

330. I will start packing up some of our stuff

331. and bringing it over to my dad's.

332. I'm sorry. What?

333. Well, I mean, we have to be out of here

334. in a few weeks.

335. Doesn't look like you're selling your old house

336. - anytime soon. Uh-huh.

337. We can't afford a new place, so...

338. I thought that we would stay with my dad

339. just until we figure things out.

340. Oh, I've got things figured out, though, right?

341. I'm gonna get Liam and Carl on my side,

342. we're gonna sell the house,

343. and we can use our cuts

344. to get a new place.

345. Okay, but even if Debbie let that happen,

346. we're talking about remodeling.

347. You know?

348. That's gonna take a while.

349. Well, I'm gonna sell the Indian,

350. and that'll get us enough to rent an apartment

351. in the meantime.

352. Lip. "Sell the house."

353. "Sell the Indian."

354. How about just get a job?

355. You know?

356. - Amazon is hiring drivers. - No, no.

357. No, no, no, no, no. I've got applications in,

358. all right, for mechanic jobs all over town.

359. That's great, but, like, until you get one of those,

360. how about deliver packages

361. or flip burgers?

362. And we can stay with my family, save up for a new place

363. like normal people.

364. No, I'm not living with your family.

365. Okay? W-with your dad

366. and his Fox News

367. and-and-and Cami and her fucking...

368. fucking Cami-ness.

369. Oh, what, you think your family's any better?

370. C-come on, you guys have a criminal record

371. longer than the Gambinos'.

372. Look, it would be easier

373. to fix up my old house if we were in it.

374. Well, Debbie... called me a controlling bitch,

375. so we are not staying there.

376. Thank you for defending me, by the way.

377. You don't think you're being a little controlling right now?

378. I... I have a plan.

379. - Okay? - Yeah, but it's based on things

380. that are not in your control.

381. Okay? With my plan,

382. we have a place to stay. We have actual income.

383. All right, wait.

384. Just give me the day, all right?

385. Let me work on Liam and Carl.

386. Let me sell the Indian, all right?

387. If it doesn't work out,

388. then we will talk about what happens next.

389. Just one day, okay?

390. Fine.

391. One day.

392. Okay. Hey.

393. It'll work out, all right?

394. I promise you.

395. - Okay. - All right.

396. Chu-chu-chu-chu-chu.

397. Hey, Brad. Uh, yeah.

398. You think you can, uh, find someone

399. who would wanna buy the Indian too?

400. Six feet, assholes.

401. Where's V?

402. Municipal elections.

403. She's working at a polling station.

404. Maybe we should go vote.

405. V said if you tried to vote,

406. she's gonna beat the shit out of you.

407. Can I get a Boilermaker there, Kev?

408. JB on the rocks.

409. Nobody wants coffee? Bunch of damn alcoholics.

410. Oh, there she is.

411. 1948 Panhead...

412. Burnt copper.

413. springer-rigged fork.

414. Totally chopped.

415. Fuck it.

416. Hey, Liam.

417. I just wanted to call and, uh, see

418. where your head was at as far as selling the house.

419. Call me. Oh, and by the way,

420. I'm making Tuna Helper tonight.

421. Your favorite. Bye.

422. Hey, Carl. Uh, I just wanted to call

423. and see where your head was at as far as selling the house.

424. Call me.

425. By the way, I put some pineapple Fresca

426. in your mini-fridge. Your favorite.

427. Bye.

428. I don't get it.

429. I say sell this shithole like Lip wants,

430. get a Thunderbird, and let's Thelma and Louise

431. our asses to Mexico.

432. It's not just Lip's decision.

433. We make decisions as a family.

434. If you weren't beholden to your family,

435. you'd have way more fun.

436. Yeah, well, I'd still have Franny.

437. People with kids don't get to have fun.

438. Sandy!

439. Sandy!

440. Oh, that's fucking Royal.

441. Sandy!

442. Fuck that noise.

443. Wait, no. Debbie.

444. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

445. No, no, no, don't. No, no, no.

446. - No, Debbie, stop. Sandy!

447. Oh-ho, Royal, you fucking pervert.

448. You can't just force

449. a 15-year-old girl to marry you...

450. Force her? I didn't force her—

451. and then stalk her for the rest of your fucking life.

452. - Now get the fuck out of here. - No, Debbie, Debbie, stop it.

453. Stop it. What... what are you doing here?

454. I'm sorry, but you weren't answering your phone.

455. They cut my hours at Verizon,

456. so I picked up a job at Pizzeria Uno.

457. - Okay. - Why is that her problem?

458. Because someone needs to watch Prince.

459. Who's Prince?

460. Come on, bud.

461. Hey. There you go.

462. No.

463. My mom's in the hospital

464. with another popped stomach staple.

465. You think I would ask if I had any other option?

466. Can you please just be a mother for five hours?

467. A mother? You—

468. Hey, you stay here with Mommy and her girlfriend,

469. and I'll come get you after Pizzeria Uno, okay, buddy?

470. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

471. You can't just leave him here. What are you doing?

472. I love you, buddy.

473. I'm sorry, Sandy. Five hours.

474. Hi, Mom.

475. Don't call me that.

476. Hey, Sandy!

477. Come.

478. Shit.

479. Can you change a twenty?

480. That's a candy bar wrapper.

481. Oh, will you look at that? I'm sorry.

482. I was just diagnosed with dementia.

483. I must've picked up the candy bar wrapper

484. on my dresser instead of my wa—

485. Bless you.

486. Sucker.

487. Gina! How are you?

488. You look wonderful.

489. Bitch, I don't know you!

490. You're not... I'm so sorry.

491. I thought you were my friend Gina, and... and I—

492. Fuck you, old man.

493. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm...

494. Via Wacker.

495. Thank you, Danica.

496. Excellent.

497. Shit, shit, fuck, shit, fuck, shit, fuck.

498. Hello, Officer. Kevin Ball,

499. upstanding taxpayer and father of two.

500. - This your chopper? - Yes... no.

501. No, it's, uh, my friend's.

502. I'm just taking it for a spin on the way to work.

503. You own Kev-Fit?

504. Hmm?

505. Yes, yes. I own Kev-Fit.

506. Where'd your friend get this bike?

507. I don't know,

508. but I'm sure he got it legally.

509. Think he'd be willing to sell it?

510. I've been looking for a '48 Panhead for years.

511. 1,200 CCs, butterfly carburetor,

512. springer-raked fork...

513. Totally chopped.

514. Right, Officer.

515. You know your bikes.

516. But I don't think this one's for sale.

517. Ask your friend.

518. I can come by Kev-Fit later today.

519. Why don't I, uh, get your number,

520. and I can call you to see if he's interested?

521. Cops don't give out our personal info.

522. Kev-Fit's on my way home. I'll stop by around 4:30.

523. But I don't think he's gonna be there.

524. We close early if no one shows up to class.

525. If I don't catch him today, tell him

526. I'll find him sooner or later.

527. - See you at 4:30. - Okay, Officer.

528. We'll be there.

529. Or not. But maybe.

530. But we probably won't be there.

531. Here's your sticker, Mrs. Meyers.

532. Hannity-loving blue-haired old hag.

533. Don't you dare vote against my rent control bill,

534. white lady.

535. Where are all the Black voters?

536. It's like a Paula Deen Tupperware party in here.

537. Oh, and by the way, I'm making

538. Tuna Helper tonight, your favorite.

539. Bye.

540. Now everyone wants to know how I feel

541. about selling the house?

542. They didn't ask how you felt

543. about selling before?

544. No. They barely know I'm alive.

545. That is not true. They love you.

546. But you have got to speak up.

547. You are a young Black man

548. in a white, white world.

549. You need to make your voice heard

550. like all these white folk motherfuckers.

551. They making their voices heard.

552. Black people are not speaking up,

553. so my rent control measure's probably gonna tank,

554. white gentrifiers will take all the housing,

555. and the South Side will be the Gold Coast

556. before you know it.

557. Where's my mama? She always votes.

558. - Hey, stranger. Hey!

559. - You coming to vote today? - Oh, that was today?

560. Yeah. Get your behind down here.

561. Oh, baby, I'm not gonna be voting.

562. I'm packing.

563. Packing what?

564. I sold the house.

565. Dominic and I are moving to Louisville.

566. Louisville?

567. Yeah, I told you

568. I was putting it on the market.

569. You know, I'm going through some of your old stuff,

570. and, well, I'm not sure what to give to Goodwill.

571. How about none of it?

572. Okay, why don't you come by later,

573. and we'll decide together?

574. All right, sweetie. Love you.

575. So why didn't you tell me you abandoned a kid?

576. I didn't abandon a kid.

577. I left a shitty situation.

578. Royal seems like a decent enough guy.

579. How was that a shitty situation?

580. I was 15, pregnant,

581. and taken in by a 30-year-old who sells phones.

582. That doesn't sound like a shitty situation to you?

583. Not shitty enough to abandon a kid.

584. I was a kid myself, Debbie.

585. I got bored.

586. - You got bored... - Yes.

587. so you abandoned a child.

588. Uh, yeah, I was 15.

589. I needed to find myself.

590. Don't you ever wish you had found yourself?

591. No.

592. You never once thought, "Mm,

593. gee, I wish I wasn't tied down by Franny

594. for the last five years of my life?"

595. Hell, no.

596. "I wish I could've left this house,

597. like, struck out on my own, and seen the world"?

598. No.

599. Well, I guess you're a better person

600. than I am, then.

601. Yeah, sure sounds like it.

602. Oh, fuck you, you judgmental ho.

603. - Where are you going? - To work.

604. What the hell am I supposed to do with Prince?

605. I don't know. Put him on an El

606. to Pizzeria Uno.

607. Hey, you cannot just run away from people, Sandy!

608. - Shit.

609. Suit up, motherfucker.

610. Is that a vagina?

611. Yeah.

612. She's also Sally the SVU Squirrel.

613. We have young victims show us on Sally

614. where they were touched.

615. Don't worry, we'll put the skirt on her today.

616. You mind checking that for me? Back pocket.

617. - Says "Shithead number four."

618. Fucking Debbie trying to convince me

619. not to sell our house.

620. Why would you sell your house?

621. So I can get a sick bachelor pad

622. and not live with my family.

623. But I do love that house,

624. and I kind of like living with my family.

625. But I got low-level raped in my man cave in the basement,

626. and I do I really wanna live in a place

627. with traumatic memories like that?

628. I'm sorry. Low-level raped?

629. I wanted to use a condom,

630. but this girl mounted my dick before I could get one on.

631. Man.

632. I was at a party once.

633. A girl took me into a dark room,

634. you know, to blow me,

635. but what I thought was her mouth

636. wasn't her mouth.

637. Nine months later, she's having my baby,

638. a month later, we're married,

639. two years later, we're divorced,

640. and now half my paycheck

641. goes to alimony and child support,

642. so now I'm stuck living with my grandma in Englewood

643. while my ex-wife takes it up the pooper

644. from some 18-year-old rapper

645. who spends my hard-earned money on molly

646. and DJ equipment.

647. Well, club circuit's dead, bitches.

648. Who's laughing now?

649. There we go.

650. Fuckin' A.

651. Okay, but how do we know who's gay?

652. If they're watching themselves work out in the mirror,

653. they're gay.

654. That means everybody out there was fucking gay.

655. You know what? Just hold this.

656. I gotta find a shitter.

657. Sorry. - My bad, dude.

658. How's your workout?

659. Oof. Rough, man.

660. Trainer had me doing four different types of squats.

661. Gotta keep the tuchus in shape for my better half.

662. Oh.

663. Hey, you don't have any glycolic undereye, do you?

664. Looks like they're out.

665. I don't know what that is.

666. Ah, found some.

667. No worries.

668. So is your better half here?

669. She's teaching Pilates downtown.

670. She.

671. Wife.

672. Ah, yeah. Cool.

673. Good luck with the whole eye thing.

674. Hey, hey, two guys are jacking each other off

675. in the steam room. Let's go be friends with them.

676. Come on.

677. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

678. Shit!

679. Tommy!

680. Lip, hey, it's Kev.

681. Uh, we got a problem.

682. Call me back. It's about the...

683. olen-stay ikes-bay.

684. How was the ride?

685. Not great. I think I accidentally invited

686. a cop to see the bikes.

687. So?

688. They're stolen, Tommy.

689. Stolen? Well, that was stupid.

690. Which part, the stolen or the cop?

691. Both, I would think.

692. You still got your truck here?

693. You gotta help me get rid of them.

694. Come on, man. I just got a fresh beer.

695. Tommy.

696. Okay, Christ. Meet you out back.

697. Lip, where are you? Call me.

698. Sorry, where are we?

699. Nearing the Howard stop.

700. Howard?

701. Did this bus magically skip the back of the Yards?

702. That was almost 30 stops ago.

703. Stop the bus.

704. Stop the goddamn bus.

705. Which way do I walk?

706. Thank you.

707. Next time, tell me, will you?

708. No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

709. I can't do less than 12 grand.

710. All right, how about 11?

711. Seven?

712. Yeah, fuck you, dickhead. Jesus Christ.

713. He's offering seven grand for the Indian?

714. Yeah. It's the third guy

715. that lowballed me today.

716. Now I won't even clear a grand

717. after everything I put into it.

718. Jesus. I will cut my own throat

719. before moving in with Bob Tamietti.

720. Listen, we should clear at least 20 grand

721. for these bikes in Merrillville.

722. - Yeah. - Take some.

723. Use it to rent you and Tami a place.

724. No, no, man. That's for your baby's bills.

725. Take five.

726. Pay me back when you sell the Indian.

727. You sure?

728. Well, if it'll keep you from cutting your throat,

729. absolutely.

730. Thank you.

731. What the fuck?

732. We're just gonna leave them here?

733. We'll come back for them when things have cooled down.

734. What about the chopper?

735. Too hot. Cop's already seen me on it.

736. We're gonna put it where no one can find it.

737. They won't think to look for them here.

738. Oh, shit. Incoming!

739. Fuck.

740. - Go. Go. What the hell, man?

741. What the fuck? Hey!

742. You can't just sell her childhood home like that.

743. Who is this, and why is he speaking to me?

744. I'm Liam. I'm practicing

745. making my voice heard.

746. When did you up and decide to move to Louisville?

747. I've been telling you

748. that I wanted to move for years.

749. You told me you were gonna give me

750. a llama for Christmas when I was four.

751. I'm still waiting for that to happen.

752. Chicago isn't the same anymore.

753. Black people are moving out

754. faster than white people were stealing us out of Africa.

755. Which is why you need to stay. We have to fight.

756. Chicago is our home.

757. Honey, I'm just getting too old for this fight.

758. I'm trying to raise a Black son

759. in the white hipster capital of the Midwest.

760. He's watching white people sitcoms on TV

761. in Crocs.

762. But Louisville?

763. Well, your aunts are there, and their sons,

764. and husbands... you know, family.

765. What am I?

766. You've only seen me twice this year,

767. and we only live eight blocks apart.

768. There's a community in Louisville for me.

769. Baby, I'm sorry, but it's... it's just time.

770. Can't believe you wouldn't let us

771. be friends with those guys.

772. You can't start friendships off with sex.

773. It sets a bad precedent.

774. First, we didn't have sex.

775. We got hand jobs in a steam room.

776. Two, our friendship started with sex.

777. If you want me marrying one of those guys in ten years,

778. then, yeah, let's go back and make friends with them.

779. All right, fine, no steam room guys.

780. We can still go back for handies, though, right?

781. Definitely.

782. I said mid-century.

783. Yes, but which part of mid-century?

784. - It's not just a year. - It doesn't matter.

785. I said cabernet mauve, not cotton candy mauve.

786. - Please, not those guys. - No.

787. Just make a fucking decision.

788. - Okay! - Hey, guys?

789. Darker or lighter duvet?

790. - What? - I guess that depends

791. on what part of mid-century.

792. Bedspread thing? Lighter.

793. Hides the lube stains. Let's go.

794. I'm Ian. This is Mickey.

795. Tim. This is Brendan.

796. - Hey. - He's right.

797. Lube has destroyed, like, six sets of sheets for us.

798. Well, are you using water-based

799. - or silicone?

800. Silicone.

801. Water-based doesn't stain.

802. Neither does spit. Ian.

803. Ugh, Joe and Sherman can't go

804. to Anderson Cooper's book signing today.

805. It's just us, Jon, and Travis.

806. We're free today.

807. For a book signing?

808. I don't like books.

809. We love Anderson Cooper, though.

810. We do. He's great.

811. Listen, can I talk to you for a sec?

812. Who the fuck is Anderson Cooper?

813. Who the fuck knows? But maybe these guys

814. can be our friends.

815. Oh, so we can't be friends

816. with the steam room guys, but we can be friends

817. with fucking twinks buying a duvet?

818. Do you wanna fuck either of them?

819. - No. - Then yes, we can be friends

820. with the twinks buying a duvet.

821. I d-no—

822. We're in.

823. Okay. Great.

824. Okay.

825. Smile.

826. And that is how Teddy got abducted and murdered,

827. kids.

828. Now, do we ever take rides with strangers?

829. No!

830. That's right. Now, Sally

831. is gonna teach you the difference

832. between appropriate

833. and inappropriate ways

834. of being touched by an adult.

835. Yay!

836. Now, kids,

837. sometimes an adult touches you

838. and that's okay,

839. like a high five.

840. Is that okay?

841. Yes!

842. Now, what if an adult

843. makes you have sex without a condom?

844. Is that okay?

845. - Sally, Sally... - Maybe we should just—

846. See, I thought Tish was a nice girl

847. until she started asking questions

848. about my pension and benefits,

849. and before I knew it,

850. she was bouncing on my cock!

851. Cover your ears, kids.

852. Gallagher!

853. And now I have to pay alimony,

854. child support, and live with my family forever!

855. Come on, Kev, come on, Kev...

856. I promised those to the guy today.

857. There's 20 grand on the line, Lip.

858. I know; he must've moved them somewhere, all right?

859. Moved them? Where?

860. I'm trying him.

861. Fuck!

862. Why can't we just push it into the water

863. from the beach?

864. Too shallow. Somebody's gonna see it.

865. I'm gonna have to ride it off the end.

866. That is a terrible idea.

867. I'm gonna build up enough speed,

868. and before it sails off the end,

869. I'm gonna jump off.

870. I saw Evel Knievel do it once.

871. Yeah, but he was Evel Knievel.

872. You rearrange the letters in my name,

873. it almost spells Knievel.

874. Hand me the helmet.

875. Dear motorcycle gods,

876. please don't let me die.

877. Amen.

878. Yee-haw!

879. For sale?

880. My house. They can't sell my house!

881. No, darn it.

882. This is—uh...

883. who-who told you

884. that you could sell this house?

885. Um, sorry, do you have an appointment?

886. I don't-I don't need an appointment.

887. This is my house!

888. My wife OD'd in most of these rooms.

889. My son was born in the tub upstairs.

890. That's—those are not for you.

891. Out. Get out.

892. Get out! This is...

893. this is my house.

894. You cannot sell this house

895. - without me. - Hello, police?

896. You okay back there?

897. Well, some fancy people

898. are trying to steal my house, so...

899. That isn't your house, sir.

900. You don't think I'd recognize my own house?

901. Do me a favor.

902. Look at yourself for a second.

903. Now take a look at that house.

904. Do you honestly think you live in a house like that?

905. Hey, it's okay. It's okay.

906. Look, I get confused, too, on occasion.

907. Look, why don't you just take your time,

908. breathe a little, and when it comes to you,

909. give me an address, and we'll get you home?

910. You're not gonna take me to the station?

911. No, you don't seem like a criminal to me.

912. Shows what you know.

913. Okay. Dino nuggets.

914. Smiley fries are almost ready.

915. So, Prince, would you like to live here with us?

916. No, thank you.

917. Well, it wouldn't be a-a full-time.

918. It'd, you know, be a-a-a part-time

919. custody situation.

920. That way, you could get to know your mom.

921. I don't want to get to know my mom.

922. Well, she should get to know you, anyway.

923. She can't just run away from people.

924. She has obligations.

925. No offense. I don't wanna live here.

926. It's sort of a dump.

927. It is not a dump!

928. The faucet water comes out orange.

929. Well, that's just rust. It goes away.

930. You should sell this place and get a new one.

931. We're not selling this house. This is my family's.

932. We're gonna live here forever.

933. I'm just gonna live with my dad, if that's okay.

934. No, it's not okay.

935. Sandy can't just get off scot-free.

936. - It's not fair. - To whom?

937. To those of us who are stuck raising a kid

938. until she's 18 years old.

939. No offense, Franny.

940. But that's your choice, isn't it?

941. What is?

942. To have a kid and raise it.

943. My dad said people make different choices sometimes

944. and that's okay.

945. Royal said that?

946. No. No.

947. Sandy can't just abandon people.

948. I'm gonna talk to your dad about a joint custody situation

949. when he comes to pick you up.

950. Hey, Liam, buddy.

951. Look, uh, I'm just calling

952. to see where your head's at

953. as far as selling the house goes.

954. So, uh, call me back.

955. Oh, and, uh, Tami and I

956. are making beef stroganoff for dinner.

957. That's your favorite, so come on over later.

958. I love you. Bye.

959. Hey, Carl! Buddy, look.

960. I'm just calling to see where your head's at

961. as far as, uh, selling the house goes,

962. so call me back, and, uh,

963. hey, I put some of those Hot Pockets you like

964. in your mini fridge for you.

965. I love you.

966. All right, bye, bud.

967. Fuck.

968. Yo, where the fuck you been?

969. I'm fine, Lip. Thanks for asking.

970. Where are the bikes?

971. - Had to get rid of them. - Why?

972. I got pulled over riding the chopper.

973. Oh, you took the chopper for a ride?

974. Could we not do that part right now?

975. The cop wanted to buy it.

976. Really? How-how-how much?

977. Guys, stolen bike!

978. That's why I had to get rid of them.

979. I took the Café Racer

980. and the Norton to the Easy Throttle

981. just until things cool down for a little bit.

982. All-all right.

983. W-w-w-where-where's the chopper?

984. I drove it into the lake.

985. Are you fucking kidding me?

986. - Fuck me! - Look, if anyone

987. found that thing,

988. I would be going to jail,

989. and I'm not gonna take that rap.

990. That was a down payment for an apartment

991. and Brad's money for hospital bills!

992. Look, how long ago

993. did you leave them at the Easy Throttle?

994. A couple hours ago.

995. All right.

996. - Where you going? - The fuck you think?

997. Oh, fuck me.

998. Rosé and charcuterie, everyone?

999. - Ooh. - Pepperoni.

1000. Okay, so what did you guys think about the book signing?

1001. Uh, politics aren't really our thing.

1002. The white hair was kind of hot, though.

1003. Tell us about Ian and Mickey.

1004. What do you guys do?

1005. We actually run an armed transport service.

1006. Ooh, armed! You ever shoot anyone?

1007. Yeah.

1008. So where do you guys live?

1009. Uh, South Side, with my family.

1010. There are gays on the South Side?

1011. You still live with your family?

1012. Five brothers and sisters.

1013. Oh, and me, Tami, your niece,

1014. your dad, and Sandy, actually.

1015. Holy shit. So ten of you in one house?

1016. - Yeah. - Mickey and I are gonna get

1017. our own place soon, though.

1018. If you ever grow a pair and tell Debbie.

1019. If I had to live with my family,

1020. I'd kill myself.

1021. Mm-hmm.

1022. It's really... it's not that bad.

1023. Oh, my God. You like your family?

1024. Oh, I hate mine.

1025. Oh, me too.

1026. Ugh!

1027. Yeah, I think we, uh...

1028. - actually have to get going. What?

1029. I'm not done with the pepperoni.

1030. Stay for dinner. Yeah.

1031. Seth and Theo are coming.

1032. It's Julia Child night.

1033. We're roasting duck.

1034. Yes! Come on.

1035. Damn, but it's just, we— you know,

1036. we really should, um...

1037. - We'll-we'll be right back. Okay.

1038. Can we please go?

1039. Why would we leave now? They're giving us free stuff.

1040. They're shitting all over my family

1041. - and the South Side. - Who gives a shit?

1042. Look, I don't wanna fuck any of them,

1043. and they're feeding us; as far as I'm concerned,

1044. they're checking all the right boxes.

1045. We're gonna stay.

1046. Hey!

1047. We can't. We have... that thing.

1048. - Oh. - What?

1049. What he means is that he's got a thing,

1050. so, uh, I'm gonna stay.

1051. - Hey! - There we go!

1052. You know, we can, uh, talk about sex and stuff.

1053. - Yay! - Yes!

1054. And if I have a bunch of gay friends

1055. I talk about sex with when you're not around,

1056. who knows what might happen?

1057. Right?

1058. I no longer have a thing.

1059. - Attaboy! - Whoo!

1060. Ian doesn't like to have his ass licked.

1061. What?

1062. - Oh, my God. - It's the best thing.

1063. Oh, girl. Are you even gay?

1064. This your house?

1065. Yep. This is my house.

1066. Need help to the door?

1067. No, I-I-I got it.

1068. Okay.

1069. Oh, hi. I-I'm—

1070. I don't mean to, uh, scare you.

1071. I just need to come inside

1072. until that man out there is gone.

1073. Mommy!

1074. Hey! - Ah!

1075. speaking Spanish - No, no, no, no, no.

1076. I'm—no, no. I'm—oh, shit.

1077. yelling in Spanish

1078. Oh, jeez.

1079. So I'm gonna ask her to take it first.

1080. I'm not a monster.

1081. But she's sort of a bad person,

1082. and if she says no

1083. and I gotta slip it into her drink,

1084. will it still work?

1085. Or if she only drinks half that drink,

1086. will she end up having half a baby?

1087. Or what if she's having twins?

1088. Will she end up only having one baby?

1089. Should I just slip her two Plan Bs just in case?

1090. Or what if I crush it down into a powder

1091. and tell her it's coke, get her to snort it?

1092. I mean, I don't know if she does coke, though.

1093. She's trashy, so she probably does.

1094. Why you so quiet? What do you think?

1095. Oh, my God.

1096. You've dealt with this before, right, Bill?

1097. Hey.

1098. Hey.

1099. How was the day?

1100. Fine, good, yeah.

1101. You sell the Indian?

1102. Uh, I'm fielding some offers.

1103. Okay.

1104. Uh, how's it looking

1105. with Liam and Carl?

1106. Uh, I haven't got ahold of them yet,

1107. but I'm, uh, you know—

1108. I'm optimistic.

1109. - Okay.

1110. Uh, you gonna be home soon?

1111. No, I'll probably be a bit. There's a...

1112. thing I gotta do first.

1113. Okay. I'll see you soon.

1114. Why are you naked?

1115. I drove the chopper into Lake Michigan.

1116. Do I wanna know more than that?

1117. No.

1118. How's Liam?

1119. Dropped him off. He's sad.

1120. Well, you don't look much better.

1121. No Black voters showed up.

1122. My mom's moving to Louisville.

1123. Carol's moving to Louisville?

1124. She says there's no community for her here anymore.

1125. Oh, baby, I'm sorry.

1126. Mm.

1127. Yeah.

1128. You getting a boner?

1129. Yeah.

1130. Read the room.

1131. Oh, come on, Little Big Kev

1132. has always made you feel better.

1133. Not tonight.

1134. I just wanna crawl into bed

1135. and cry myself to sleep.

1136. Okay.

1137. Oh, yeah, these are so great.

1138. Perfect for a full can of Schlitz.

1139. - Excuse me. - Carl?

1140. Take this.

1141. Why?

1142. Because you rode me bareback

1143. so I'd plant a baby in your belly

1144. and you could take half of everything I own.

1145. But, oh, no, girl, I'm onto you.

1146. So take this Plan B with a full bottle of water,

1147. or I'm going to file a police report

1148. saying you raped me.

1149. I'm on the pill.

1150. And... I thought you wanted to have sex.

1151. I did, but with a condom.

1152. I'm allergic to latex.

1153. What, so you get, like, a rash or something?

1154. Like, I'd die.

1155. Oh. Well...

1156. then why were you asking

1157. about my job and benefits, then?

1158. Because I liked you, Carl!

1159. Oh.

1160. Well, I liked you too.

1161. And you know what? It was nice.

1162. It was nice to know

1163. that I wouldn't have to support you

1164. after I finished dental hygienist school.

1165. You're gonna be a dental hygienist?

1166. Yes!

1167. I'll have my own job.

1168. I don't need some punk-ass rookie cop

1169. taking care of me.

1170. That's hot.

1171. What time you get off work?

1172. Are you kidding?

1173. You dumped me, accused me of rape

1174. and extortion,

1175. tried to force an abortion on me...

1176. - Well— - ... and now you wanna

1177. hang out again?

1178. Yeah?

1179. Okay, UFC tournament.

1180. Best female pop stars of all time.

1181. - Go. Okay.

1182. So Celine beats Taylor...

1183. Oh. - ... sorry, in the quarters

1184. but then falls to Gaga in the semis,

1185. and then it's Gaga and Aguilera in the finals.

1186. Dark horse: Britney.

1187. Oh! Yes!

1188. It's Britney, bitch!

1189. So you really don't like rimming?

1190. What? Oh.

1191. No, it was Mickey.

1192. He was kidding when he said it was me.

1193. Oh, cool.

1194. So you do like rimming?

1195. Okay, Mickey, another cocktail?

1196. Can we please get the fuck out of here?

1197. You said we needed gay friends.

1198. Do you like any of these guys?

1199. Fuck no, I'm blowing my nut over this duck, though.

1200. Here it is!

1201. Ah! Whoo!

1202. Oh! Oh, my God.

1203. Whoo!

1204. - Can we leave now? - Yeah.

1205. Are you guys leaving?

1206. Things were just getting interesting.

1207. Whoo!

1208. No.

1209. You're the one who said if we fucked them,

1210. we don't have to be friends with them.

1211. Fine.

1212. Hey, uh, Liam, buddy, look, I was thinking,

1213. you know, if we sell the house,

1214. we could start a college fund for you,

1215. so, uh, anyway,

1216. something to talk about.

1217. Give me a call back when you can.

1218. All right, bye.

1219. Tami?

1220. - Little man?

1221. Holy fuck.

1222. All right, hey. - Hey.

1223. - Hey, you give me a hand? - What's-what's going on?

1224. We get robbed, or...

1225. - No, no, he just woke up. - Hey, hi, buddy.

1226. Yeah, I just packed up some stuff

1227. and brought it over to my dad's.

1228. Oh.

1229. I'll be right back, buddy, okay?

1230. Hey, uh, why-why did you take our stuff

1231. to your dad's place?

1232. I-I thought we talked about this.

1233. Yeah, w-we said you had the day to sell the Indian

1234. or convince your family to sell the house.

1235. The day's not over.

1236. Okay, well, you didn't sound too hopeful on the phone, so...

1237. Uh, I thought we said

1238. if I couldn't make it happen today,

1239. then we would talk about what's next, right?

1240. What did you think was next, Lip?

1241. That I would try again tomorrow.

1242. I thought what was next was that we would make

1243. the most stable decision for our family.

1244. I put in an application at Amazon.

1245. All right? Like you asked.

1246. Can you meet me halfway?

1247. Halfway to homelessness?

1248. No. No, Lip.

1249. I'm not gonna meet you halfway.

1250. And, God, what is up with you lately?

1251. Nothing, nothing is up with me lately.

1252. Really? Because you're being entirely unreasonable.

1253. - You're obsessive. - Okay, you wanna catalog shit?

1254. You are fucking stealing shit

1255. 'Cause I can take the notebook out, all right?

1256. - Are you drinking again? - No!

1257. Jesus, I just don't wanna live with your fucking family!

1258. Okay, well, tough shit.

1259. You had the day to make your plan work.

1260. You didn't make it work.

1261. So unless you make something happen

1262. before we go to bed tonight...

1263. Where are you going?

1264. Hey.

1265. Who's the kid?

1266. Sandy's son.

1267. You decide about the house yet?

1268. Leave me alone. I'm heartbroken.

1269. Why is he still here?

1270. Royal's not done at Pizzeria Uno.

1271. But you should know that I'm gonna talk to him

1272. about us getting joint custody of Prince.

1273. Uh, why?

1274. If you're gonna be living with me,

1275. you're gonna be living with my rules,

1276. and my rules are that you don't abandon family.

1277. Well, I guess I'm not living with you, then.

1278. What?

1279. No. Sandy!

1280. Sandy! Sandy!

1281. What are you doing?

1282. I'm getting the fuck out of here.

1283. Ha. Great.

1284. Add me to the list of people you run out on.

1285. I don't run out on people, Debbie.

1286. - It's not that simple. It is.

1287. You-you either stick with people,

1288. or you don't.

1289. I stick with people.

1290. Yeah, I stuck with you,

1291. until you turned out to be a fucking psycho.

1292. Well, that's not sticking with me.

1293. That's cutting and running.

1294. People don't just cut and run, okay?

1295. There are reasons.

1296. I ran out on Prince and Royal

1297. because I had no idea who I was.

1298. That's selfish.

1299. It's not selfish.

1300. That is the definition of selfish!

1301. You ran out on people who needed you

1302. because you wanted to go do your own shit.

1303. I'll never forgive you for that.

1304. You'll never forgive me for that?

1305. They'll never. Prince will never.

1306. Holy shit.

1307. You think I'm Monica.

1308. - What? - I am not your mom, Debbie.

1309. I didn't just leave my family to do my own shit.

1310. This has nothing to do with my mom.

1311. Fuck you.

1312. You are piling

1313. all your abandonment issues on me.

1314. Right? 'Cause what happened?

1315. Monica ran out on you...

1316. and now the rest of them wanna run out on you too.

1317. They don't wanna run out on me.

1318. They wanna sell the house and get the money.

1319. You sure?

1320. Night.

1321. That was a bust, huh?

1322. Oh, yeah, apart from a hand job,

1323. duck, and orgy, total waste of a fucking day.

1324. Still think we need gay friends?

1325. Need?

1326. No. I mean, I'm not opposed to it.

1327. We just... we want friends we have things in common with.

1328. There's a reason I do the same things as Lip.

1329. I'm like Lip.

1330. I'm okay if he's my only friend for now.

1331. All right.

1332. Well, wanna go tell Debbie you wanna do what Lip wants

1333. on this thing?

1334. She's gonna love you.

1335. She's gonna love you so much.

1336. Debbie!

1337. Come on! Open up.

1338. What's going on upstairs?

1339. I'm not sure.

1340. Hey, do you guys think it's weird

1341. I'm in love with my rapist?

1342. - You weren't raped. - Yes.

1343. I don't wanna sell the house.

1344. Where have you been?

1345. Out finding my voice.

1346. Wait, you're voting not to sell?

1347. Yeah.

1348. So it's you two and Debbie. That's it, right?

1349. Doesn't matter what I vote. We're not selling.

1350. Well, I wanna change my vote.

1351. Mickey and I want our own place.

1352. So it's two in favor, two against?

1353. Yeah, me and Lip versus Liam and Debbie.

1354. Fiona...

1355. Lip!

1356. Carl!

1357. Debbie? Lip?

1358. - Out of the way, Frank. - Lip!

1359. If you vote not to sell...

1360. Lip!

1361. I'll iron your uniform for a whole month.

1362. Vote to sell, I'll buy you pizza rolls for a year.

1363. How about vote to sell,

1364. and I won't scoop your eyeballs out

1365. - with a fucking kitchen spoon?

1366. Shit.

1367. What the fuck are you doing?

1368. Creating an open floor plan.

1369. We're selling!

1370. - No! No. Hey!

1371. - Deb! Deb! Relax, relax.

1372. Fuck you!

1373. Excuse me.

1374. Does Phillip Gallagher live here?

1375. We have a few questions

1376. about a robbery where he used to work.

1377. He's inside. Just be careful.

1378. He's got a sledgehammer.