Shameless 10x4

1. Oh. What the hell do you want?

2. No! No, no, no.

3. I'm not gonna tell you what happened last week.

4. No. I'm not gonna do it.

5. It's fucking stupid.

6. Just watch the show right now,

7. and you'll figure it out, all right?

8. I'm gonna get hit on the head. Would you back up, please?

9. We're playing a game here. Thank you.

10. - This all belongs to Debbie? - Yeah.

11. You get the fragrances.

12. I'll get the shoes and the dresses.

13. Mikey, we did it.

14. Port money. We got money.

15. We can go to the ER for your disgusting

16. and infected port thing.

17. How's it going?

18. Oh, you know, I'm crushing it.

19. I lied before.

20. I don't really know how to make tamales.

21. I just wanted to spend time with you

22. in a place that smells like corn.

23. 'Cause you like me.

24. No, this is not the place that sells stolen goods

25. as a side hustle.

26. Unless you got the secret password.

27. - I'm Mimi. - V.

28. Do you wanna get a nightcap, V?

29. Maybe somewhere that people aren't staring.

30. Bye, best friends. Have fun.

31. Brings you to church?

32. AA. You?

33. NMAA, new mom AA.

34. I'm Sarah.

35. Debbie! O, captain, our captain!

36. We're sticking it to the man. We're on strike.

37. You're Frank Gallagher's boy.

38. Listen, you're not welcome here, Liam.

39. You gotta understand that Frank and Monica

40. wronged this family 20 ways since Tuesday.

41. But I'm just the only black person

42. in a house full of crackers.

43. My pinto, Papa.

44. That's our money, Debbie.

45. It was your money

46. until you and La Cucaracha over here stole all my shit.

47. Now it belongs to me, along with anything else

48. you receive for the rest of your silly, little life.

49. That's bullshit.

50. And I'm taking the rest of the cash Fiona left

51. into buying a car,

52. something tangible you guys can't squander.

53. I can see you're emotional. Let's just—

54. I am as cool as a motherfucking cucumber.

55. Thank you for your contribution.

56. What the hell?

57. You—you got dialysis.

58. I'm not 100 percent, Frank.

59. I dreamed about my death last night.

60. How'd you die?

61. Infected port.

62. My father was there. He was shaking his head.

63. He was disappointed. I let him down.

64. How?

65. What more could he possibly want from a son?

66. So many things.

67. He worked like a dog, my dad.

68. He had a little shoe repair shop.

69. He'd make keys.

70. His dying wish was that I'd become...

71. a real businessman.

72. You wan—you wanna be a businessman?

73. Let's make you a businessman.

74. Rise and shine, my pal.

75. - I—I can't. - You can't?

76. You think Lee Iacocca ever said "I can't"?

77. Yeah.

78. Didn't he die?

79. I rest my case.

80. Come on.

81. - Okay, good. - Oh, shit.

82. - One more. - Oh!

83. - Fuck 'em.

84. - Hey! - I'm dizzy.

85. I am too.

86. - I'm dizzy, Frank. - Here's your shirt.

87. - Get my back. - I got it.

88. I thought you already had a job.

89. I do.

90. Well, I did, but we're on strike.

91. And when you're on strike, you don't get paid.

92. So now, I'm looking for another job.

93. What's a strike?

94. An excuse not to work until management agrees

95. to pay you more and work you less.

96. Fucking Frank.

97. But the Union still wants us to walk around

98. for four hours a day with a sign, chanting shit.

99. Is that what those are for?

100. Yeah.

101. - Hi. - Hi.

102. There we go.

103. Hey, no more fake boob?

104. What? No, no, no.

105. That thing really made an impression on people, huh?

106. Boobs will do that.

107. - I gotcha.

108. You should put him in the Pack 'n Play

109. while you heat the milk up, then make your coffee.

110. Pro tip.

111. All right.

112. - Hey, you ready? - I thought being

113. in a union meant you made more money.

114. Here we go. Here we go.

115. Not any more in Trump's America.

116. All right, I'm just gonna put you here, okay?

117. Daddy's gonna go make some coffee.

118. He's gonna be right back, okay?

119. You're doing great, buddy.

120. - You're doing so good.

121. I hear you, huh. I hear you, I hear you.

122. Pro tip: don't give out

123. people's social security numbers

124. and tell Uncle Sam where they were.

125. How do you expect to get an ATM card?

126. Nobody wanted an ATM card. All we wanted was cash.

127. Sorry.

128. How's Tami?

129. She's better. Out of ICU.

130. Hopefully, she's out of the hospital soon.

131. Better be out of the hospital soon.

132. That's a relic.

133. - I'll give you five for it. - Mm.

134. Pleasure doing business with you.

135. Tell your friends about us. We buy and sell.

136. Gonna love this.

137. - Hey, V. - Hey.

138. Can I get a bloody Mary?

139. - I thought you had to work. - That's why I need a bloody.

140. These fucking black doctors... no offense.

141. None taken. I'm not a doctor.

142. I'm trying to get them to prescribe this new drug

143. for hypertension and diabetes, but none of them gives a shit.

144. Too expensive?

145. Mm, no drug is too expensive

146. if you have Medicare.

147. It's these damn marketing restrictions.

148. See, back in the day, I used to be able

149. to just take 'em to dinner

150. or some bullshit offsite in Hawaii.

151. They would write all the scripts you wanted,

152. but now it's all illegal.

153. Mm, that's a bad thing?

154. It is if you gotta eat.

155. Look at you two.

156. Like two friends from that old show...

157. Friends.

158. Only there were no black friends.

159. Or Asian friends.

160. Can I get you guys anything?

161. Bag of SmartPop! chardonnay?

162. We're good, thanks.

163. All right, just let me know.

164. I don't know what he's talking about.

165. We don't even have chardonnay.

166. Yo.

167. How much you'd give me for this?

168. Nothing.

169. Give me 20, and I'll throw in the gay little vest for free.

170. That's Mrs. Zeigler's emotional support animal.

171. Take him back right now, man.

172. The poor woman's probably losing her shit.

173. Unbelievable.

174. At least you didn't become an artist.

175. Those guys died poor.

176. Monet, Van Gogh, all of 'em,

177. except for the guy that—that drew Snoopy.

178. Well, he was funnier than all of 'em.

179. Snoopy cracked me up.

180. - Yeah. - Ha.

181. Well, here we are.

182. What does this have to do with being a businessman?

183. If you're gonna go into business,

184. the first thing you're gonna need is capital.

185. Wait.

186. Today is your lucky day.

187. Me and my friend here, we're the wish granters.

188. So, if you really want your wish to come true,

189. you're gonna wanna give that coin to me.

190. But only if you want the wish to come true.

191. Really?

192. Absolutely. That's why we're here.

193. Scrape up all the coins in the fountain

194. so we can make all the wishes come true.

195. What do you wish for?

196. My dog Steve ran away.

197. I wish he'd come home.

198. Well, put food in his bowl,

199. 'cause Steve will be home before you know it.

200. Thank you!

201. Make a wish.

202. Nah, I don't believe in stuff like that.

203. Make a wish. What can it hurt?

204. Plus, we're just gonna wade in and get it.

205. You wish you were a businessman?

206. - Yeah. - Too bad.

207. You should have wished for a new port.

208. Oh, well.

209. See those guys over there?

210. These squares. Expense account, healthcare.

211. Look at that breakfast burrito, size of a baby.

212. Those guys are suckers.

213. I wanted to be like them.

214. I went to college and everything, job...

215. No, shit? You went to college?

216. Me too. Northwestern.

217. Malcolm X.

218. Good school. Community college, but...

219. What happened?

220. I told you what happened.

221. I bought a Blockbuster video store with my pop,

222. lost everything, the muffler shop,

223. the car, the house.

224. My father committed suicide.

225. Shit. That sounds... depressing.

226. But today's a new day.

227. You wanna be a businessman?

228. You gotta think like a businessman.

229. I have no idea what that means.

230. It means we're gonna need some new threads.

231. Ooh.

232. - Hey. - Hey, Lip.

233. Hi.

234. I actually started boiling some cabbage.

235. You're new. What's your name?

236. Uh, me—Lip.

237. I got a baby, uh, boy.

238. Welcome. This is a safe space.

239. Thank you.

240. Totally. Does your wife work or...

241. Oh, no, we're—we're not married, actually.

242. Good.

243. Um.

244. Yeah, she's still in the hospital, um...

245. Oh, I'm so sorry. What happened?

246. A C-section.

247. Uh, there were some complications.

248. Hope she makes it.

249. Yeah, she's, uh—she's out of ICU.

250. She's getting better.

251. Poor thing. Can I bring you dinner?

252. No. Thank you, though.

253. - That's very nice. - You sure?

254. - Yeah, yeah. No. - I'd be happy to.

255. You don't want that dinner.

256. Woman can't warm up a Hot Pocket.

257. Let me give you my number in case you need anything.

258. Anything.

259. - What's your number? - My number is: I like anal.

260. Hey, whoa.

261. Thank you, Paige. Okay, why don't we get started?

262. We're here because being a new parent is hard.

263. Being a new parent while trying to stay sober—

264. Harder than my dick at a Bublé concert.

265. Point is, as a sober mother myself,

266. I know what you're going through.

267. All you wanna do is drink a fifth,

268. house a lasagna, and hide in a dumpster

269. until that baby stops crying.

270. And that's why we're here,

271. to learn how to raise strong, independent children,

272. and to take care of ourselves.

273. I have three beautiful children,

274. and last week, I read a book.

275. - Wow. - You fucking kidding me?

276. How do you have the time?

277. You know, Paige, I put myself first.

278. That's how.

279. In the words of Gandhi, "Fuck everybody."

280. Self-sufficient children are happy children.

281. speaking Spanish

282. speaking Spanish

283. What's going on?

284. speaking Spanish

285. Buenos días.

286. speaking Spanish

287. I don't have a green card. I'm a U. S. citizen.

288. I'm sure you have an ID.

289. You got a search warrant?

290. I do not, don't need one.

291. I'm not searching for anything.

292. We received information that there are

293. undocumented immigrants living here.

294. - You know anything about that? - Nope.

295. Sir, I wasn't asking you.

296. No, sir.

297. Congratulations. You can drive.

298. I need to see additional proof of citizenship,

299. passport, social security card...

300. This is racial profiling.

301. You wouldn't be asking that if she wasn't a woman of color.

302. I'm an immigration agent, sir.

303. I'm simply here to keep you safe.

304. Come on, Anne, you don't gotta show this guy shit.

305. Here you go, Adolf.

306. How'd you know my name's Adolf?

307. It smells good in here. What you cookin', good lookin'?

308. Tamales, for breakfast.

309. Damn.

310. If only we would have gotten here a little bit earlier.

311. Yeah, maybe next time, 'cause we will be back.

312. Don't you worry.

313. I'm not worried.

314. You remind me of a little dog, always barking.

315. Ruff, ruff.

316. What a gorgeous display of Goodwill sartorial splendor.

317. You ever read that book Dress for Success?

318. No.

319. Me neither, but the title's self-explanatory.

320. You wanna be a businessman, you gotta look the part.

321. Oh, gorgeous.

322. Here.

323. Can we try something a little more conservative?

324. You gotta trust me here, Mikey.

325. I'm good with color.

326. Just so you know, I'm not a red man.

327. I like a nice velar.

328. Okay, I don't know what that means,

329. but we'll make sure you look damn dapper.

330. Uh, oh, yeah.

331. Yeah.

332. A pocket square to tie it all together.

333. Just damn.

334. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

335. You are ready to go, good sir.

336. But first, let's get ourselves a hot, nutritious breakfast.

337. Where you wanna go?

338. The Residence Inn has a waffle maker.

339. Just staying.

340. I do like waffles.

341. But the Double Tree has fresh fruit.

342. Anybody got sausage?

343. - Links or patties? - Patties.

344. Boom. Hope you're hungry.

345. Always.

346. Put your pants on. I gotta find something.

347. Morning.

348. Hey, Mavar, what's up?

349. Afraid I'm the bearer of some sad news.

350. Great-Aunt Addie is dead.

351. Oh, wow.

352. And I know you two didn't spend much time together,

353. but you were family and she loved you.

354. Okay.

355. How'd she die?

356. Homicide? Stray bullet?

357. Racist cop with an itchy trigger finger?

358. What? No, the woman was 82.

359. She died in her sleep.

360. So a heroin overdose?

361. No, look, I know everyone processes grief differently,

362. but this is your great-great-aunt,

363. twice removed on your third cousin's s—well...

364. look, I'm not exactly sure what the genealogy is,

365. but it'd be great if you could attend

366. the homecoming tonight with the rest of the family

367. at the funeral home.

368. A homecoming?

369. Yeah, in our family,

370. when we lose someone we love, we get together

371. and celebrate that person's life.

372. There gonna be booze?

373. Man, those Gallaghers really did a number on you.

374. Look, it's gonna be okay.

375. Wait, hold on.

376. Is there something in your ear?

377. That's not mine.

378. Well, it was in your ear.

379. Have a great day, Liam. I'll see you tonight.

380. What the hell?

381. You're gonna wanna put the mini bagel

382. on the little conveyor belt so that it's toasted

383. by the time you wanna sit down.

384. How'd you sleep last night?

385. Like a baby.

386. I always sleep better when I'm on the road.

387. - Ditto that. - Yeah.

388. - Your bagel. - Oh, my bagel, my bagel.

389. Oh, shit. Oh.

390. Ow.

391. Five bucks?

392. Debbie?

393. It's Megan.

394. Oh, shit. Hey.

395. Last time I saw you,

396. you were getting dragged out of D-Hall.

397. Assholes.

398. What's that green thing?

399. That's a mango.

400. That's what a mango looks like?

401. Yeah.

402. Hmm. Who are all these kids?

403. They're mine.

404. All of 'em?

405. Yeah, you know, it's different baby daddies.

406. Oh, my gosh, damn.

407. How do you afford to feed 'em all?

408. - You marry rich? - I got a good lawyer.

409. It's child support, and all the fathers contribute.

410. Really?

411. Some more than others, obviously.

412. So, like, the more they give me in child support,

413. the better clothes I get for the kid.

414. Huh. No shit?

415. Yeah, that's why Moesha is wearing Ralph Lauren,

416. and is Chip is wearing shit from Goodwill.

417. Huh.

418. Chip, you get what Daddy pays for.

419. Is this Franny?

420. Yeah.

421. Hey.

422. What's going on here

423. with these clothes?

424. Is Derek, like, a deadbeat dad?

425. No.

426. I mean, he offered to pay child support,

427. but he wanted partial custody.

428. So I said "No."

429. Shared custody is a godsend. It's a free babysitter.

430. Let him have the kid one night a week.

431. That's when you go out. You bust out your humps.

432. You go to a bar, and you get that pie cream.

433. Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

434. You gotta earn that sperm.

435. A sperm deposit is a bank deposit.

436. Yeah, maybe.

437. Maybe.

438. Either way,

439. I would definitely revisit the Derek situation.

440. Milk him for everything you can get.

441. Thanks.

442. Oh, my God.

443. Look at that fine-looking Jew.

444. You know that man has a good job.

445. I gotta go.

446. Okay, good seeing you, Megan.

447. Come on. Come on.

448. - Okay, okay.

449. Hmm? Shalom.

450. That woman that was crying that one time, is she okay?

451. Oh, Minal, suffering from postpartum depression.

452. Sucks.

453. Also known as "Weeps McGee", "Tears for Fears",

454. "Emily Post-Partum," and "The Crying Game."

455. God bless her.

456. Okay.

457. The one who never stops giving you medical updates

458. on her vagina.

459. Yes, deep, deep details. Yeah.

460. That's Sharon.

461. Needless to say

462. we call her "Over-Sharon",

463. but not to her face.

464. What's your nickname?

465. I don't have a nickname.

466. At least that I know of. I'm too normal.

467. - Uh-oh. - What?

468. Only crazy people say that.

469. Oh, that, uh—that lady with the fake baby,

470. what's—what's going on there?

471. Oh, Gina.

472. She lost her baby during childbirth.

473. Supposedly, her therapist said the doll would

474. help her overcome the loss.

475. Wow, that'd suck.

476. That's terrible.

477. What's her nickname?

478. Batshit Gina.

479. You guys are a sympathetic group, huh?

480. Again, we only call her that behind her back.

481. Sorry about your baby mama.

482. I had complications with my first C-section too.

483. She's gonna be fine.

484. Yeah, I hope so.

485. So, what do you do when you're not

486. in AA or... whatever?

487. I teach babies how to swim.

488. What? Bullshit.

489. I do! I'm an infant swim instructor.

490. That's a thing?

491. Yeah, it's good for them.

492. Builds muscle,

493. improves coordination and balance, sleep...

494. Right before they drown.

495. They've been swimming for nine months

496. in amniotic fluid.

497. A swimming pool's no different.

498. Yeah, but it is.

499. I can get Fred in the water when he's six months.

500. No. No, no, no thank you.

501. No.

502. Trust me, if you ever want a life,

503. the sooner he learns the better.

504. Come by the Y today,

505. and I'll show you how it's done.

506. How you feeling, buddy?

507. Much better.

508. I just think I needed to eat something.

509. - Work charts. - Last quarter.

510. - Flowcharts. - Trending.

511. - Yeah. - Dividends.

512. - Absolutely. - Reinvest.

513. - Well, you got to. - Points.

514. Offshore.

515. I think it's probably time for us to make our move.

516. What move?

517. See the two guys sitting behind ya?

518. When they go back to the buffet, do what I do.

519. Okay, okay.

520. We should probably keep going.

521. - Show time. - Show time.

522. - Go. - Yeah.

523. What's my name?

524. Uh, Bethany.

525. That's us.

526. The dude is suspect.

527. What dude, Mavar?

528. Yeah.

529. I really think you're gonna enjoy these, Mrs. Ranson.

530. Please, tell all your friends about us.

531. Yeah.

532. Hey. Yo!

533. Yo, crackhead!

534. What are you gonna do,

535. steal it and try to sell it back to me?

536. I am not a crackhead.

537. Oh, but you are a thief, though?

538. Hey. Yeah.

539. Man, get out of here.

540. Seriously, something's not right.

541. Agreed, you don't play basketball at Georgetown

542. and then become a used car salesman.

543. - Unless... - What?

544. I don't have an unless.

545. I'm just saying you don't see that a lot.

546. What do you think, V?

547. What does this guy want from me?

548. Nothing, he's just a conscious brother.

549. That's all.

550. Maybe, but he's also a boring brother.

551. Can't argue with you there.

552. Man kept score at the baseball game,

553. brought a little pencil and everything.

554. How do you not trust the jumbotron?

555. Trust the jumbotron.

556. He kept score?

557. Then put the scoresheets in a little memory box.

558. - No, he didn't. - He showed it to us.

559. Dead butterflies in there too. I think I even saw a stamp.

560. Oh, my God.

561. Yeah, he told me an African folktale

562. the other day.

563. - It lasted two hours. - That's too long.

564. And I think that was just part one.

565. And then there's this.

566. Comes back.

567. A little high on the check swing.

568. A quarter?

569. Dude pulled that shit out of my ear.

570. He did what?

571. It's a magic trick.

572. He pulled that out of your ear?

573. It's the dark arts, V.

574. The man is obviously trying to lure Liam

575. into some kind of cult.

576. - Yes? - Hi, Pepa.

577. Is Derek here?

578. Debbie, what do you want?

579. That is between Derek and me.

580. My husband's gone.

581. Gone where?

582. Is he stateside or overseas?

583. 'Cause I really need to speak with him.

584. Derek is dead.

585. Yeah, yeah. Knock that shit off.

586. Seriously, where is he?

587. Oh, shit. You're serious.

588. Wait, is he dead or a hostage?

589. 'Cause that yellow ribbon and the flag at half-mast

590. are kind of confusing.

591. I'm sorry, Debbie,

592. but you're not welcome here, all right?

593. Huh.

594. Pens, business magazine, paper clips...

595. what a loser.

596. Take the magazine.

597. Well, if this isn't a sign, I don't know what is.

598. What is it?

599. "The Art of Self-Promotion" at the convention center.

600. Maybe we could sell 'em.

601. Sell 'em? We're going.

602. Wait, I thought you were going to SoulCycle.

603. Change of plans.

604. Yeah, with bacon, medium rare.

605. Well, the fucking caravan is back.

606. Oh, relax. They're good people.

607. Not for business.

608. Every day, they come in and take over

609. like it's their own personal business center.

610. They buy, like, one Mountain Dew

611. and sit around for hours, sucking down my Wi-Fi.

612. How the hell do they even know the password?

613. Uh, probably 'cause I gave it to them.

614. Jesus.

615. I have one password in my life, Carl,

616. use it for everything.

617. Oh, sorry.

618. You should probably use more than one, you know.

619. Throw in a capital or a dollar sign or something.

620. No shit.

621. What's her problem?

622. I don't know.

623. Hey, but we can watch Netflix on our phones now.

624. Que pasa?

625. Bad news. ICE got the Mendozas.

626. Shit. Which ones?

627. The fat ones. The skinny ones got away.

628. I think we need to move somewhere else

629. until things cool down.

630. Where?

631. - Under the bridge. - Too crowded.

632. What about that place with a house?

633. Do you mind the driving?

634. That wasn't bad.

635. And this time of year, the rail yard's nice.

636. Wait, hold up.

637. If you need a place to lay low for a while,

638. you can stay at my house.

639. - Really? - Yeah, of course.

640. I'm not gonna let you sleep in a rail yard.

641. Thank you, Carl.

642. speaking Spanish

643. You're the best, Mavar. Thanks, brother.

644. I know. I apologize.

645. I should have told you it didn't take diesel fuel

646. when I sold you the car.

647. I'll let you know when it's fixed.

648. - Meanwhile, enjoy the Ford. - Thanks again.

649. Hey, my pleasure. Appreciate your business.

650. Yeah.

651. All right, have a good one, man.

652. Yeah.

653. What's your deal, Mavar?

654. - Liam? - Are you in a cult?

655. What?

656. I just watched that dude play you.

657. He put the wrong kind of gas in his car

658. and you give him a loaner.

659. That's right out of the Bible.

660. R.J. needs a car for work, so I loaned him one.

661. That's what we do.

662. We help each other out, lift each other up.

663. "We" as in the cult?

664. "We" as in responsible black men.

665. Well, what you should have done is charged dumb-ass 1,000 bucks

666. for violating a warranty.

667. There is no warranty.

668. He doesn't know that.

669. Look, I sell used cars, Liam.

670. But if I can make just one person's day

671. a little better, a little brighter,

672. then that's a very good day.

673. Is it?

674. You're hilarious, man.

675. Look, I'll see you later on at the homecoming, okay?

676. Lots of people excited to meet you.

677. Oh, you crushed it, and you're here to celebrate

678. I suck and I'm here for a Bad Dog rocks.

679. What happened?

680. These doctors, man, they hate me.

681. Half of them won't even meet with me.

682. How you know they hate you, then?

683. Because I'm Asian and they're black.

684. Why do black people hate Asians?

685. 'Cause in a crowd, you push and shove,

686. and your tiny, little noses.

687. Do those things even work?

688. Okay, why do black people think they're so much cooler

689. than everybody else?

690. 'Cause we are, and don't you dare bring up

691. Carlton or that brother from Star Trek.

692. They aren't real.

693. What the hell is Freaknik?

694. You won't have to worry about it,

695. 'cause you not invited.

696. Why are black people so loud in movies?

697. Why y'all take so many selfies?

698. - Why are we friends again? - 'Cause I'm adorable.

699. Stupid doctors. You know what?

700. You should just come with me.

701. Maybe they'll listen to a black woman.

702. I read the material. What's the problem?

703. Me, I'm the problem. I'm Asian.

704. Mimi, doctors are smart people.

705. You just need to bring them a jar of pickles.

706. Pickles?

707. Doctors like pickles?

708. Who cares what the doctors love?

709. They're not for the doctors. They're for the office manager.

710. She's your gatekeeper.

711. What does this have to do with pickles?

712. Pickles provide essential vitamins, minerals,

713. and antioxidants; improve digestion

714. and liver protection.

715. Basically, the same benefits as your drug.

716. Oh, shit.

717. How do you know so much about pickles?

718. Tell the office manager that your drug is like

719. a jar of pickles but better.

720. I promise she'll call you back.

721. Damn.

722. Oh, shit, cabbies.

723. Easy, townspeople. I'm just doing my job.

724. Piece of shit!

725. What's their problem?

726. They don't believe in rideshare.

727. Get out ass out of here! Get the fuck out of here.

728. No way I'm getting out.

729. How you like me now, you cabbie fucks?

730. Uh, what—what was your name again?

731. I'm Dave.

732. Stick it up your ass.

733. Is that a... AK-47, Frank?

734. A Kalashnikov AK-47?

735. I don't give a shit what model it is.

736. It's a fucking machine gun.

737. Is that even legal?

738. - Um, good luck, Dave. - Good luck, Dave.

739. Oh, shit.

740. Make—make sure you give me five stars.

741. speaking Spanish

742. You know when I said you could stay here?

743. I didn't mean your entire family.

744. Oh, we thought you meant the plural "you", tu.

745. Did you mean the singular "you", usted?

746. Yeah.

747. Sorry. That's why Spanish is better.

748. It's more specific.

749. What's going on?

750. It's Anne's family.

751. Who's Anne?

752. - I work with her. - I don't care.

753. Derek died.

754. Shit. Really?

755. You know how?

756. I don't know. I didn't ask.

757. I'm sorry.

758. I mean, at least you and Franny are gonna be rich now.

759. - How are we gonna be rich? - 'Cause of the DB.

760. - A what? - The death benefit.

761. When someone dies in the military,

762. the family gets, like, 100,000 bucks.

763. It's the only reason most of these women

764. stay married to these jarheads,

765. just waiting till they end tits up

766. so they can get paid too.

767. Huh. Is that so?

768. Yeah, that—that—that baby's too young to swim.

769. You gotta trust me. This is how they learn.

770. I don't know.

771. I think just being near the water,

772. that's—that's a great first step.

773. So we're just gonna...

774. I know it's scary,

775. but babies never learn how to swim

776. if you don't empower them.

777. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

778. Hey, is he okay?

779. Look at him. He's fine.

780. How are you?

781. Fucking terrified.

782. Do you not know how to swim?

783. In case my yacht capsizes? No.

784. Why would I know how to swim?

785. Kids only learn through trial and error.

786. It's amazing what they're capable of

787. if you just give 'em the space.

788. So you throw babies in a river?

789. It's a swimming pool,

790. and I barely dipped him underwater.

791. I—I—I don't want Fred in the water, like, ever.

792. That's ridiculous.

793. That's why most children are terrified,

794. don't know how to self-soothe.

795. When they can't solve problems on their own,

796. they throw tantrums, are allergic to everything.

797. Next thing you know, they're 28-years-old,

798. living in their parents' basement,

799. blaming the world and, ironically, their parents

800. for their shortcomings, wanting to kill themselves

801. because the wireless is too slow.

802. Oh, your examples are intense.

803. What about your wife, Tami? What does she think?

804. Uh, we are not married.

805. Um... and I don't know.

806. You know, we—we—we didn't really have a chance

807. to discuss parenting styles in the ICU, so...

808. These cab drivers are no joke.

809. Uber's taking food out of the baby's mouth.

810. - Gotta say, I sympathize. - We could have died.

811. - Dave probably did die.

812. Sorry.

813. All part of life's rich tapestry.

814. Welcome to The Art of Self-Promotion.

815. Thanks.

816. - Andrew Felderman. - Andrew, Donna Marcus.

817. Wow, that's a firm handshake.

818. Thank you.

819. - Tyler Mamaliger. - Oh.

820. Delgado... Derek.

821. There you are.

822. Great.

823. Death benefit's been paid in full.

824. Francis Gallagher's not listed

825. as one of the designated beneficiaries.

826. That fucker.

827. If you feel there's been an injustice,

828. you need to contact the widow.

829. How'd he die?

830. Got sideways drunk, stole the tank,

831. drove it into the Suez Canal.

832. Sank like a rock, didn't even try to escape.

833. Apparently thought it was also a submarine.

834. Jesus.

835. Where is he buried?

836. Private Delgado is still

837. at the bottom of the Suez, ma'am.

838. Buried inside an M1A2 Abrams main battle tank

839. worth about $9 million.

840. There's highly-motivated jihadists

841. who have done less damage to the U. S. Military.

842. - Shit. - Sorry for your loss.

843. Your nation is grateful. Next in line!

844. Yeah! He got it.

845. He got three. He got all three.

846. Yeah.

847. Yeah!

848. Eh.

849. - [woman, indistinct] - Make a splash.

850. Impress them.

851. Be consistent and steady.

852. So let me ask a question.

853. Are you ready?

854. - Hi. - Ah—

855. T-shirt, come on, T-shirt,

856. come on...

857. No, no—ah!

858. One more?

859. Good.

860. - ♪ Moves ♪ - Frank, Frank!

861. Where the hell did you get that?

862. Booth 279!

863. Hi, Pepa. I'm sorry.

864. I just realized I didn't offer my condolences.

865. I was just so stunned.

866. Don't act like you care.

867. You're the town pump

868. who tricked him into getting you pregnant.

869. Okay, this isn't about me.

870. This is about Franny, Derek's daughter.

871. She deserves his death benefit.

872. Derek's death benefit went to his legitimate children.

873. - Which Franny is. - Is she?

874. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

875. Derek told me about you Gallaghers.

876. You dick!

877. I want Franny's money.

878. Oh, my God... my husband is dead,

879. and you show up demanding money?

880. Derek was right.

881. You are a terrible person.

882. - Derek didn't say that

883. about me, you bitch!

884. - Fuck you, Pepa!

885. - Here you go. - Thank you.

886. - Free? - Free.

887. Ah! Ha ha.

888. I love this place!

889. Mmm.

890. What do you wanna do next?

891. The Wine and Winners mixer is at 4:00

892. in the Chesapeake Room.

893. I think we definitely want to hit that.

894. Yeah, well, I wouldn't mind going back to booth 28 again.

895. I can't believe they rated my handshake a six.

896. I think I need to squeeze harder.

897. Also, I wouldn't mind going back to booth 8 one last time

898. and win one of those stainless steel water bottles.

899. The hydration vessel. I got one.

900. You could cheer me on.

901. I been cheering for you all day.

902. It's not my fault you can't spin a wheel.

903. Okay. You go to the mixer, then.

904. I'm going to booth 8.

905. No, come on!

906. The whole point of this was to do it together.

907. No, the point of this was to let me be a businessman,

908. but fine, as long as baby Frank

909. gets to do what he wants to do—

910. You can have the hydration vessel—there, take it.

911. I don't want your hydration vessel.

912. - Take it. - No!

913. Take the goddamn water bottle!

914. No!

915. Take the goddamn water bottle.

916. No!

917. - Pick it up.

918. No.

919. Pick up the goddamn bottle.

920. - No—Ow! - Pick it up!

921. - [grunts, groans]

922. Mmm.

923. Okay?

924. Never better.

925. Never better.

926. Sorry.

927. No, I'm sorry.

928. This has been the best day of my life.

929. I don't want us fighting anymore.

930. A-B-C— always be celebrating.

931. Whatever you wanna do next is fine with me.

932. I was being childish. You pick.

933. - Mikey— - You pick.

934. I got a great idea.

935. How'd it go?

936. You are a genius. That's how I go.

937. Went great—all the office managers love their pickles.

938. I have five doctor's visits set up already.

939. That's awesome.

940. Can I get a Bad Dog, rocks, please.

941. Course!

942. V, you're so good at this shit.

943. Of course, office managers. Those are the key.

944. Just happy I can help.

945. - Come work for me. - What?

946. It can just be your side hustle; you're a natural,

947. and you have a background in healthcare, right?

948. I was a nurse's aide.

949. I will pay you 20 bucks for every script that they write.

950. You want me to talk to doctors?

951. I want you to take over all my African-American accounts,

952. and then I can be free to expand my Asian clientele.

953. Let me think about it, okay?

954. We make such a good team.

955. V, you'd make really great money.

956. I mean, I make a lotta money,

957. and I'm just average at best, especially for an Asian.

958. Man, get your leg off my bar.

959. That's not my leg.

960. You stole somebody's prosthetic leg?

961. - No, found it. - Oh, really—where?

962. On a person.

963. Out! Get the fuck out!

964. What the hell is this place?

965. This, my friend, is the Michigan Avenue Club—

966. otherwise known as The American Dream.

967. We don't belong here, Frank.

968. I probably don't even know the guys in the kitchen.

969. Relax—the host is an old friend of mine.

970. Owes me a favor.

971. Gentlemen.

972. - Frank Gallagher!

973. Holy shit, I haven't seen you in ages.

974. - You're doin' okay? - Yeah, pretty good.

975. Ha ha. You look like shit.

976. Thank you!

977. Mikey, meet the great Owen O'Connell.

978. Owen, my best friend Mikey.

979. Pleasure to meet you, Mikey.

980. Same to you.

981. You're welcome to grab a seat at the bar.

982. Good to see you.

983. So Megan filled me in.

984. Told me how you got fucked out of

985. your baby daddy's death benefit.

986. Derek's widow seems to have forgotten

987. that Franny's one of his children too.

988. Yeah, well, my job is to make sure she remembers.

989. Patty's the best at this shit.

990. You ready to get paid?

991. Yeah. Hell, yeah.

992. Let's do it.

993. Smells like money.

994. Ha ha. That's the food—

995. money sandwiches with money gravy on top.

996. Richard Sears and Alvah Roebuck

997. used to sit at a table right over there

998. where they decided to build the Sears Tower.

999. No shit.

1000. And Mayor Daley talked Ford into building

1001. the Lawndale assembly plant over ice-cold martinis

1002. right there at that table right there.

1003. Rumor has it a couple of Polish hookers

1004. were thrown in to seal the deal.

1005. Amazing.

1006. And right back there in that corner,

1007. eight Chicago White Sox

1008. decided to stick it to old man Comiskey

1009. by throwing the 1919 World Series

1010. 'cause they were all underpaid.

1011. Good for them.

1012. How can I help you gentlemen?

1013. - Two Jack Daniel's, please. - Yes, sir.

1014. Ah, wait.

1015. Make that... Gentleman Jack.

1016. Very well, sir.

1017. Uh... I don't have quite enough change

1018. to pay for that.

1019. It's on me.

1020. Why, thank you, Mikey.

1021. - Here you are. - Thank you.

1022. Ooh, yeah.

1023. Cashews?

1024. The fillet of the nut family. Yes, please.

1025. You know, I saw someone with a T-shirt the other day

1026. that said, "Life is good."

1027. And I thought...

1028. "Is it?"

1029. Not if you live in Syria or Venezuela.

1030. Well, after today I saw how good it can be.

1031. I wanna keep living.

1032. Glad to hear it.

1033. That's good.

1034. Toast.

1035. To friendship.

1036. Hmm.

1037. I'm gonna miss you, my friend.

1038. Miss me? Where you goin'?

1039. I need a new port. This one's really infected.

1040. How bad is it?

1041. I can't feel the right side of my torso.

1042. Let's just go back to the vet.

1043. Let him pour some more alcohol on it.

1044. It won't last.

1045. You know, I can't keep doing this

1046. emergency backstreet healthcare no more.

1047. I can't... I can't live life

1048. worrying about my kidney every single day,

1049. wondering when I'm gonna need dialysis again...

1050. or a new port.

1051. It's too stressful for me.

1052. What are you saying?

1053. I'm going back to prison.

1054. I can get free healthcare from real people doctors.

1055. Prison?

1056. With the best healthcare this country provides

1057. for poor people.

1058. Fancy whisky.

1059. Yeah.

1060. It'll be my last drink for a while

1061. not made from cleaning fluid and raisins.

1062. Sorry, Mikey.

1063. Yeah.

1064. It's good. Good.

1065. Hi. I'm taking up a collection

1066. to place fresh flowers on great Aunt Addie's grave.

1067. Would you like to make a contribution?

1068. Hey, wait up.

1069. Hey, man, I saw what you did back there.

1070. Collecting money for fresh flowers?

1071. I want you to know I respect that a lot.

1072. You know, I know a good florist

1073. who can get us a bunch of flowers for a good price.

1074. I'm keeping this money.

1075. What?

1076. - Why would you do that? - I need it.

1077. So do the people who gave it to you.

1078. You lied to them.

1079. Look, I-I been nothing but nice to you.

1080. Welcomed you with open arms.

1081. Don't you get it? We're family.

1082. But it's like the nicer I am to you,

1083. the nastier you get— why?

1084. I don't know.

1085. You don't know.

1086. What, you gonna tell me you can't help it?

1087. It's in your nature or some bullshit like that?

1088. No.

1089. I can't believe I wasted a single second on you.

1090. I believed in you.

1091. You're part of our family, and because of that,

1092. we would do anything for you—anything.

1093. And you just spit in our faces.

1094. Don't you get it? Family is everything!

1095. And you finally get the chance to have one,

1096. and you just throw it all away.

1097. Well, you know what, Liam? Fuck you!

1098. There it is.

1099. I knew it. You are from the South Side.

1100. You think I like saying stuff like that?

1101. I don't curse.

1102. I hate saying things like that.

1103. Oh, well.

1104. I hate Gallaghers, man.

1105. You motherfuckers bring out the worst in everybody.

1106. What, you proud of that?

1107. Hey, man, I know who I am.

1108. Hi.

1109. Holy shit, hey!

1110. What are you—what are you— what are you doing?

1111. Why didn't you call me?

1112. I would have come to pick you up.

1113. Hey.

1114. - Hey.

1115. Hey. It's all right.

1116. It's all right. You're home now.

1117. Hi, Fred.

1118. It's me, it's Mommy.

1119. Actually, this one's mine.

1120. Fred is over there.

1121. Hi.

1122. You okay? You all right?

1123. Yeah?

1124. Oh, my God, hey!

1125. What the fuck—why are there so many Mexicans here?

1126. - Hey! - Hi!

1127. Thanks, Frank.

1128. I mean it.

1129. Mikey, wait.

1130. We can figure this out.

1131. - Frank. - We'll get jobs.

1132. Nobody's gonna hire us.

1133. Well, then we'll save up so that you can get dialysis

1134. every week.

1135. Ha. That's not gonna happen!

1136. We're gonna spend all the money on booze.

1137. I'll stop drinking.

1138. Don't be ridiculous.

1139. If it'll keep you outta jail—

1140. Frank,

1141. I appreciate it, but I'm sick.

1142. I can't do the hustle no more.

1143. Do you think it's coincidence

1144. that we found each other twice?

1145. I can take care of you.

1146. When we find half a slice of pizza in the dumpster

1147. or some uneaten fries on a table at McDonald's,

1148. I think to myself, "Hope Mikey's hungry."

1149. When you were getting dialysis, I prayed.

1150. I actually prayed.

1151. I really hope that my last day on Earth

1152. is with you, my friend.

1153. Don't never stop drinking, Frank.

1154. Don't ever stop drinkin'.

1155. Can I at least call ya a cab?

1156. No, thanks.

1157. I got a ride.

1158. - Officer? - Hmm?

1159. Ha!

1160. Watch your head.

1161. Hey, asshole, get the fuck outta my house!

1162. - S-sorry! - Wait a minute, wait a minute,

1163. wait a minute, you again, the crackhead from the Alibi?

1164. Man, I told you, I'm not a crackhead.

1165. I'm just poor, man.

1166. Look, my girl left me; I don't have a job.

1167. I'm starving, man. I haven't eaten in days.

1168. Look, man, I'm sorry about that,

1169. but you can't take my microwave.

1170. Okay, I get it. Classic one percenters, huh?

1171. Don't wanna pay your fair share.

1172. What?

1173. All right, look, man, I hear you, all right?

1174. You want a sandwich? I got turkey, I got bread.

1175. Swiss cheese.

1176. Let me fix you a sandwich.

1177. Well, I appreciate that, but no thank you.

1178. I just really want money for crack.

1179. I thought you said you were starvin'.

1180. I am. For crack.

1181. Get the fuck outta my house.