1. Oh.Copy !req
2. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
3. Okay.Copy !req
4. Talk to me.Copy !req
5. Hello.Copy !req
6. Tell me what you're doing to me.Copy !req
7. Um, we're gonna... We're having sex,
we're having intercourse.Copy !req
8. And, uh...Copy !req
9. Have I been bad?Copy !req
10. I don't know, have you?Copy !req
11. Oh, for God's sake, Colin!
Just call me a dirty bitch.Copy !req
12. - I don't know if I want to. Uh...
- Say it.Copy !req
13. Uh...Copy !req
14. - Say it!
- Uh...Copy !req
15. - Uh...
- Say it!Copy !req
16. Okay! Uh, you're... you're...
you're a lovely little female dog.Copy !req
17. You're lovely.Copy !req
18. Parade, shun!Copy !req
19. Slope arms!Copy !req
20. General salute.Copy !req
21. Present arms!Copy !req
22. Slope arms!Copy !req
23. Not my fault, sir. The rifle's broken.Copy !req
24. We don't deal with excuses
in this establishment, Groff.Copy !req
25. Keep practicing,Copy !req
26. and try asking
some of your peers to help you.Copy !req
27. I don't need help, sir.Copy !req
28. We all need help sometimes, son.Copy !req
29. Parade will turn to the left.Copy !req
30. Left turn.Copy !req
31. To your duties.Copy !req
32. Fall out!Copy !req
33. Everyone inside.
Get your breakfast.Copy !req
34. - Come on, man, give it—
- What's wrong?Copy !req
35. This isn't funny,
just give me back the hat.Copy !req
36. - What's wrong with him?
Hey!Copy !req
37. Give me the hat.Copy !req
38. - Give me the hat.
- Don't be a pussy, Luke. Oi, Groff!Copy !req
39. Nice one, muppet!Copy !req
40. Sorry.Copy !req
41. Bad luck, new kid.Copy !req
42. - War.
Yeah, all right.Copy !req
43. Um, I'm late for school.Copy !req
44. Yeah...Copy !req
45. How long are you going to be?Copy !req
46. Morning.
- Has Jakob moved in?Copy !req
47. No. Why?Copy !req
48. Bathroom is free.Copy !req
49. Darling, I've been looking through
your SRE textbook.Copy !req
50. There is no mention
of female pleasure at all.Copy !req
51. I was thinking of talking about it today
in assembly, what do you think?Copy !req
52. I don't know.Copy !req
53. Otis.Copy !req
54. I'd like your opinion, please.Copy !req
55. - Why?
- I've never worked with teenagers before,Copy !req
56. and you are a teenager.Copy !req
57. Yep, I'm a teenager who...Copy !req
58. doesn't want their mother
talking about sex at his school.Copy !req
59. There has been a sexual health crisis,Copy !req
60. and it's my duty to help.Copy !req
61. You know, he is right.Copy !req
62. It is a bit strange.Copy !req
63. Mmm, I mean,Copy !req
64. my mum's a sexual health expert
so it's not that strange, actually.Copy !req
65. Which doesn't mean
you should have said yes.Copy !req
66. Would you prefer to call me Mum
or Dr. Milburn at school?Copy !req
67. Neither.
I'll be pretending you don't exist.Copy !req
68. Otis.Copy !req
69. Okay. Just try and...Copy !req
70. Try and be a bit...Copy !req
71. Try and be less intense.Copy !req
72. It freaks people out.Copy !req
73. And it's embarrassing.Copy !req
74. I don't know, Mum, just be normal.
Try and be more relatable.Copy !req
75. Whatever, just don't humiliate me.Copy !req
76. Bye, darling. I'll see you later.Copy !req
77. - You want a smoothie?Copy !req
78. No.Copy !req
79. My mum is everywhere.Copy !req
80. It's like it's her mission
to ruin my life.Copy !req
81. - Were you up all night wanking again?
- No.Copy !req
82. I've got a handle on that, actually.Copy !req
83. I didn't sleep much
because I've been doing research.Copy !req
84. - Research?
- Yeah.Copy !req
85. So, Ola and I were kissing the other nightCopy !req
86. and she kept guiding my hand down
to her... area.Copy !req
87. - So I've been looking up—
- Fingering!Copy !req
88. Don't yell "fingering," please.Copy !req
89. - But, yes,Copy !req
90. she's coming over later,
and I think I'm fully prepared.Copy !req
91. Well, Otis, it's a vagina.
It's not an exam.Copy !req
92. Actually, it's very complicated.Copy !req
93. - Okay.
- I've been learning about somethingCopy !req
94. - called the clock technique.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
95. Otis,
I think you might be overthinking this.Copy !req
96. She knows I'm a sex therapist now.
I need to get this right.Copy !req
97. Why is Angel Man staring at me
like he's plotting my death?Copy !req
98. I don't know. French people are intense.Copy !req
99. - Morning, dickhead.
- Oh, hey.Copy !req
100. - I've got an 8:30 and an 8:45.
- Okay.Copy !req
101. Why... why do you look so clean?Copy !req
102. - What does that mean?
- It's just an observation.Copy !req
103. Your aptitude scheme, of course.
Very professional, Maeve.Copy !req
104. Shut up.Copy !req
105. Can you do a session after school today,
by the way?Copy !req
106. Uh, I can't. I'm going to the fair.Copy !req
107. I thought you hated rides.Copy !req
108. Yeah, but Ola loves them, so...Copy !req
109. Are you going to be there?Copy !req
110. Funfairs are simply a distraction
from the inevitability of death.Copy !req
111. Oh, I guess they are.Copy !req
112. - Hmm.
- Have fun with the smart kids.Copy !req
113. You look great.Copy !req
114. - Oh, hey! How you doing?
- Hey. I'm good.Copy !req
115. This is nice. Shall we, uh...Copy !req
116. Oh, hi, Jackson.Copy !req
117. Hey, I'm sorry about your hand.Copy !req
118. - At least you don't have to swim anymore.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
119. - You said you didn't want to swim.
- Listen, Maeve,Copy !req
120. you're not my girlfriend anymore,
all right?Copy !req
121. So you don't need to pretend
that you care.Copy !req
122. Whatever it is you thought I said,
you're wrong.Copy !req
123. Don't worry. You're gonna be fine.Copy !req
124. - May I sit here?
- Uh...Copy !req
125. Yes.Copy !req
126. Yeah, we'll find other seats.Copy !req
127. No. No, no. I mean next to you.Copy !req
128. Okay, sure.Copy !req
129. Rahim, you may sit with us.
These people are insignificant.Copy !req
130. No, I'm fine here. Thank you.Copy !req
131. Good morning, Moordale.Copy !req
132. Today we shall be hearing from
a sexual health expertCopy !req
133. who is here to review
the school's sex education curriculum.Copy !req
134. Please give Ms. Milburn...
a very warm welcome.Copy !req
135. Hello.Copy !req
136. My name is Dr. Milburn,Copy !req
137. and I'm here to start an open conversationCopy !req
138. about S-E-X.Copy !req
139. Uh, sex.Copy !req
140. We adults know
that some of you are having sexCopy !req
141. because when we were your age,
some of us were having sex.Copy !req
142. - In fact, many of us still have sex.Copy !req
143. I'm sure even Headmaster Groff
sometimes has sex.Copy !req
144. And so, I would like you to tell meCopy !req
145. what you would like
on your sex education curriculum.Copy !req
146. Take control.Copy !req
147. Perhaps you'd like to know about
the female orgasm...Copy !req
148. or mutual masturbation.Copy !req
149. Or maybe you've always wondered,Copy !req
150. is my labia a normal length?Copy !req
151. What I'm saying is...Copy !req
152. Didn't you wank off a courgette?Copy !req
153. Courgette! Courgette!Copy !req
154. Courgette! Courgette!Copy !req
155. Courgette! Courgette!Copy !req
156. Courgette! Courgette!Copy !req
157. Courgette! Courgette!Copy !req
158. Anyway...Copy !req
159. there will be an empty box
at reception.Copy !req
160. If you have any questions,
it is anonymous,Copy !req
161. so put anything in there
that you would like to seeCopy !req
162. - in the curriculum.
- Courgette wanker!Copy !req
163. Thank you very much, Moordale.Copy !req
164. I'm sure we would like
to say thank you to Ms., uh—Copy !req
165. Forgive me, Dr. Milburn, for her...Copy !req
166. I don't understand why
everyone is laughing at this nice lady.Copy !req
167. Uh, uh...Copy !req
168. Because it's high school.Copy !req
169. happening this evening,
um, available at all prices.Copy !req
170. - Please be careful...
- I'm Rahim.Copy !req
171. nut allergies...Copy !req
172. Uh, I'm Eric.Copy !req
173. said issues...Copy !req
174. Goodbye, Eric.Copy !req
175. Bye.Copy !req
176. nice place to go. I highly recommend
you, uh, you sign up to that.Copy !req
177. What was that?Copy !req
178. - Ah. Emily, howdy.
- Good morning, Mr. Hendricks.Copy !req
179. Now I see where you get
your terrible sex therapy skills from.Copy !req
180. Fancy putting in a question?Copy !req
181. No. Nay. Thank you.Copy !req
182. Um...Copy !req
183. I'm usually the person who answers
the awkward questions.Copy !req
184. - I'm Colin Hendricks.
- Oh...Copy !req
185. - You're the SRE teacher.
- Yes.Copy !req
186. Mr. Groff?Copy !req
187. I'd really like to observe
one of Colin's SRE classes, please.Copy !req
188. As I keep saying Ms. Milburn,
our curriculum is quite satisfactory.Copy !req
189. Well, if it's as...Copy !req
190. satisfactory as you keep saying,
then you won't mindCopy !req
191. if I sit in on one of the classes.Copy !req
192. Of course not.Copy !req
193. But I'm sure that any questions
that appear in this boxCopy !req
194. will very easily be answered
by Mr. Hendricks, isn't that right, Colin?Copy !req
195. Uh...Copy !req
196. Absolutely.Copy !req
197. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
198. I am, um, I'm-I'm a master of sex.Copy !req
199. Very good.Copy !req
200. Good day.Copy !req
201. The school is right behind you, Jackson.Copy !req
202. We will do everything in our power
to support your speedy recovery.Copy !req
203. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
204. However, your parents and I feel
it would be in your best interestCopy !req
205. to be paired with an academic tutor
for the rest of term.Copy !req
206. A peer.Copy !req
207. But my... my grades are fine.Copy !req
208. Well, you can get by on fine
when you're a star in the pool,Copy !req
209. but when you're not... you have to work
as hard as everybody else.Copy !req
210. Good morning, brains of the future.Copy !req
211. I'm very happy to welcome Maeve Wiley
to the program.Copy !req
212. Make her feel at home, please.Copy !req
213. All right.Copy !req
214. Let's read out our ten-years'-time essays.Copy !req
215. We have to read them out loud?Copy !req
216. Who wants to go first?Copy !req
217. I strive for excellence
in everything I do.Copy !req
218. The points I gain
from my extracurricular activitiesCopy !req
219. will earn me a place in Oxbridge
where I will...Copy !req
220. Compete in the IFBB
Bodybuilding Championships whilst...Copy !req
221. Keeping me on track to become
the Prime Minister of the United KingdomCopy !req
222. by the age of 30, which will...Copy !req
223. Land me an Erasmus scholarship
to NYU Film and Television SchoolCopy !req
224. and then I'll make
investigative documentaries using my...Copy !req
225. Purple penis hands.Copy !req
226. The Chronicles of Glenoxi
is an epic alien love comic book seriesCopy !req
227. that will be made into
a global movie franchiseCopy !req
228. and eventually be screened in space.Copy !req
229. Right, last but not least.Copy !req
230. Maeve, you're up.Copy !req
231. I left my essay at home,
Miss Sands. Sorry.Copy !req
232. Maeve, this class is for people
who want to plan for their futureCopy !req
233. and optimize their opportunities.Copy !req
234. Organizational skills are key.Copy !req
235. Don't let it happen again.Copy !req
236. All right, uh, thanks to Maeve,
you can all...Copy !req
237. head off to lunch early.Copy !req
238. Oh... eh, um, uh...Copy !req
239. On a side note,
since Nigel moved back to Australia,Copy !req
240. the Moordale Quiz Heads
are looking for a new memberCopy !req
241. to join the team and competeCopy !req
242. at the National Student Quiz Championships
this year.Copy !req
243. So, who's interested in joining
Viv, Dex and SteveCopy !req
244. in representing their school?Copy !req
245. Oh, right, all of you then?Copy !req
246. Okay, well, I'll make my decision
by tomorrow. Off you go.Copy !req
247. Man, I just don't get why
Maeve Wiley is in this class.Copy !req
248. Are you Vivienne Odesanya?Copy !req
249. Yeah, that's me, why?Copy !req
250. - Jackson Marchetti.
- I know who you are.Copy !req
251. Okay.Copy !req
252. So, Headmaster Groff said
you'd tutor me this term?Copy !req
253. Did he now?Copy !req
254. Apparently, you're the smartest kid
in the school.Copy !req
255. That's true, but I'm also busy.Copy !req
256. Okay, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
257. Headmaster Groff said he'd give you
extra credit if you'd help me out.Copy !req
258. And we don't actually have to do any work.Copy !req
259. I've just got to keep Groff happy
until I'm back in the pool.Copy !req
260. - Okay. Your first session's tonight.
- Yeah?Copy !req
261. Yeah, but it's the fair tonight.Copy !req
262. Listen, my schedule's organized
for optimum time management.Copy !req
263. Take it or leave it.Copy !req
264. Picnic tables, six o'clock.Copy !req
265. Bring your maths homework,
and don't be late.Copy !req
266. Should have seen this smug look
Ola gave me earlier.Copy !req
267. I don't like her.Copy !req
268. Why? She seems nice.Copy !req
269. She's still hung up on Otis.Copy !req
270. It's got nothing to do with Otis.
I'm over him.Copy !req
271. - How you getting on with your form?
Everyone has a thing except me.Copy !req
272. I'm hoping this form
is gonna tell me what my thing is.Copy !req
273. - Your thing?
- Yes, my thing.Copy !req
274. You have your feminine books.Copy !req
275. - Feminist.
- Steve has his Quiz Brains thing.Copy !req
276. Quiz Heads.Copy !req
277. So great being part of the team.Copy !req
278. What's so good about it?Copy !req
279. Well, facts are fun,Copy !req
280. and if we get through to the final,
it's going to be a very big deal.Copy !req
281. What's your form say?Copy !req
282. It says I should be a baker.Copy !req
283. Aims, I think it might be banker.
Baker's not on there.Copy !req
284. Banker?Copy !req
285. Hmm.Copy !req
286. I think I'm going to stick with baker.Copy !req
287. I do really like toast.Copy !req
288. Wow.Copy !req
289. Maeve thinks she's so scary
and revolutionaryCopy !req
290. just because she used to have pink hair.Copy !req
291. Is it because she hangs out
with your boyfriend all the time?Copy !req
292. No.Copy !req
293. She's just not my kind of person.Copy !req
294. Why? Do you think it's weird
that they run the sex clinic together?Copy !req
295. Yes.Copy !req
296. - So, how's it going with Otis?
- Good.Copy !req
297. Yeah, well, kind of.
Yeah, we're taking things slow.Copy !req
298. Which is fine.Copy !req
299. I sometimes just wish
we'd move along a bit, you know.Copy !req
300. Not overthink so much.Copy !req
301. Has he touched your vagina?Copy !req
302. Not yet.Copy !req
303. He sort of hovers
and then loses his nerve.Copy !req
304. It's... really frustrating.Copy !req
305. - Just tell him what you want.
- I think it'll freak him out.Copy !req
306. Human boys are so fragile.Copy !req
307. - [man 1, laughing] Such an idiot.
- What are you laughing at?Copy !req
308. Nothing.Copy !req
309. Then what's so funny?Copy !req
310. Luke spilled some water
and it looks like he's pissed himself.Copy !req
311. You need to chill out, man.Copy !req
312. Look...Copy !req
313. grab it with your right...Copy !req
314. and let your left slap it.Copy !req
315. Took me ages to get it as well.Copy !req
316. Is this okay?Copy !req
317. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
318. Okay.Copy !req
319. Yep.Copy !req
320. Oh!Copy !req
321. Oh. Ah.Copy !req
322. [Otis, whispering] Twelve o'clock,
three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock.Copy !req
323. Did you say something?Copy !req
324. No, sorry.Copy !req
325. Are you enjoying it?Copy !req
326. - Then spread it. Back to 12 o'clock...
- [moans, chuckles]Copy !req
327. three o'clock, nine o'clock.Copy !req
328. - Ooh.
- Ooh?Copy !req
329. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
330. - Wow.
- Yeah.Copy !req
331. It was good?Copy !req
332. It was... so nice.Copy !req
333. Okay.Copy !req
334. It was really, really bad.Copy !req
335. He was moving his fingers
like he was dialing a 1920s telephone,Copy !req
336. but really fast, with no rhythm.Copy !req
337. And then he was kind of, like,
jabbing at the same time.Copy !req
338. And then he kept looking at the clock
on his wallCopy !req
339. like he was timing himself or something.Copy !req
340. You need to tell him it was bad.Copy !req
341. Uh-uh. It'll hurt his feelings.Copy !req
342. Maybe it will be better next time?Copy !req
343. I-I definitely have to tell him.Copy !req
344. Did you do it?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
345. - I know!Copy !req
346. I knew you had
a freshly-fingered glow about you!Copy !req
347. - Tell me everything.
- So...Copy !req
348. I think I might have facilitated
a crescendo.Copy !req
349. - The big O?
- Yeah.Copy !req
350. - First time round?
- Yeah.Copy !req
351. I stuck to my clock technique,
and I don't know, bingo.Copy !req
352. - My God.
- Orgasm town.Copy !req
353. I feel like maybe fingering
is my sexual superpower or something.Copy !req
354. Oh, dude, I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
355. - Thanks, man.
- Let's go celebrate.Copy !req
356. - What shall we do first?
- You don't think it was beginner's luck,Copy !req
357. - do you?
- No.Copy !req
358. No, no, no, no, no,
you're definitely Fingertron.Copy !req
359. Oh, my God!
They have Crazy Jungle, come on.Copy !req
360. Why am I here? I hate fairs.Copy !req
361. You're here because
Steve is doing extra studyCopy !req
362. for your stupid altitude scheme.
You're my date.Copy !req
363. - Aptitude scheme, Aimee.
- Yeah, that's what I said.Copy !req
364. - Yeah.
- Can you win me a giant pig?Copy !req
365. Hi.Copy !req
366. Hey.Copy !req
367. And we have a winner.Copy !req
368. I need to go find Otis.Copy !req
369. That's the kind of competitive spiritCopy !req
370. you should be bringing
to aptitude scheme, Maeve.Copy !req
371. See you tomorrow in class.Copy !req
372. I'll be right back.Copy !req
373. Ms. Sands. Ms. Sands.Copy !req
374. Um...Copy !req
375. I did write the...
the ten-years'-time essay.Copy !req
376. I didn't realize we had to read it out,
so I got embarrassed.Copy !req
377. "In ten years' time, I want to live
in a house with big windows,Copy !req
378. I want the house to be large enough
to have a kitchen table with four chairsCopy !req
379. but not too roomy
to ever feel the depth of my aloneness.Copy !req
380. Because I'll probably be alone.Copy !req
381. But I think aloneness won't feel
so all-consuming with windowsCopy !req
382. that protect me from the world
but still let me watch it."Copy !req
383. I'm sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
384. I don't think I belong in the class.Copy !req
385. You're a beautiful writer, Maeve.Copy !req
386. You can have more expansive dreams
than four chairs and some windows.Copy !req
387. Think about it.Copy !req
388. - What? What?
- You're really not good at this.Copy !req
389. Have you got a problem with me
or something?Copy !req
390. Look, uh, it's simple.Copy !req
391. So this is hidden quadratics.Copy !req
392. You need to substitute the Y...Copy !req
393. - Mm-hmm.
- ... and then back substitute...Copy !req
394. the X.Copy !req
395. Oh. See, no one's ever explained it
to me like this before.Copy !req
396. You dating Pythagoras, Jackson?Copy !req
397. Nah, mate, we're just studying.Copy !req
398. They were just being idiots.Copy !req
399. It's fine.Copy !req
400. Men who engage in sporting activities
at schoolCopy !req
401. are statistically more likely
to work in menial jobs as adults.Copy !req
402. Well, that's a bit harsh.Copy !req
403. No, it's realistic.Copy !req
404. Look, if your hand doesn't heal,Copy !req
405. what is your backup plan?Copy !req
406. And even if it does heal,Copy !req
407. professional athletes
statistically peak at 21.Copy !req
408. So it might be worth
acquiring some other skills.Copy !req
409. Statistics are a real buzzkill,
you know that?Copy !req
410. Parade, shun!Copy !req
411. Slope arms!Copy !req
412. General salute!Copy !req
413. Present arms!Copy !req
414. Slope arms!Copy !req
415. That...Copy !req
416. is a real improvement, Groff.Copy !req
417. To your duties.Copy !req
418. Fall out!Copy !req
419. - Well done, mate.
Good job, man.Copy !req
420. - We're going on the Ferris wheel.
- Wind isn't good for my hair.Copy !req
421. I don't think I was clear.
Rahim's going on the Ferris wheel,Copy !req
422. so we're going on the Ferris wheel.Copy !req
423. You can squeeze in with me and Anwar
for the next ride, Rahim.Copy !req
424. No, thank you.Copy !req
425. What do you mean why are we going on it?
It's fun.Copy !req
426. It's the least safe
of any of the rides here.Copy !req
427. - It's fun.
- How do you know it's fun?Copy !req
428. Because I'm telling you that it's fun,
that's how I know.Copy !req
429. Oh, I am going to die.Copy !req
430. Come on then.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.Copy !req
431. Ooh!Copy !req
432. - What was that? That was really unsafe.
- Calm down.Copy !req
433. - Eric. Ahh, I'm sorry. I feel vulnerable.
- Excuse me, Oatcake! Get back here!Copy !req
434. It'll be fine, you're fine.Copy !req
435. - Hello.
- Hi. Hello.Copy !req
436. - Why won't he notice me?
- Do you think they do vegan hotdogs?Copy !req
437. Milburn, can I have a word, please?Copy !req
438. Um...Copy !req
439. It's about your... biology test.Copy !req
440. What... What biology test, sir?Copy !req
441. It's not really about a test.
There is no test. Listen...Copy !req
442. I heard on the grapevine
that you deal with matters of the heart.Copy !req
443. And I'm desperate for some advice.Copy !req
444. Thing is, I have a friend
who speaks SpanishCopy !req
445. and I can't understand her at all.Copy !req
446. She says things like, "Hola...Copy !req
447. and... all I can hear is...Copy !req
448. Shakira, Shakira.Copy !req
449. I don't speak Spanish, sir.Copy !req
450. I can't do dirty talk.Copy !req
451. I find it mortifying.Copy !req
452. Oh...Copy !req
453. Well, uh...Copy !req
454. sometimes when we learn new skills,
we can feel exposed.Copy !req
455. Right? And you wouldn't go
to a foreign countryCopy !req
456. without some basic understanding
of the language.Copy !req
457. So why don't you write a script
for yourselfCopy !req
458. and practice speaking the words
until they feel more comfortable?Copy !req
459. It's about making an effort
to take little steps to meet her halfway.Copy !req
460. Does that makes sense?Copy !req
461. Yes.Copy !req
462. Muchas gracias, maestro.Copy !req
463. - What shall we say, a pony?
- Ah... Uh...Copy !req
464. - Or a monkey?
- Please don't pay me.Copy !req
465. Let's not speak of this again.Copy !req
466. You bet.Copy !req
467. - So, what are the interesting landmarks...
- Um...Copy !req
468. around here?Copy !req
469. There's nothing interesting
to see round here.Copy !req
470. Very boring.Copy !req
471. Sorry.Copy !req
472. Only boring people get bored.Copy !req
473. "As if you were on fire from within.Copy !req
474. The moon lives
in the lining of your skin."Copy !req
475. Uh, pardon?Copy !req
476. - It's about finding beauty in the world.
- Oh.Copy !req
477. - It's a poem by Pablo Neruda.
- Oh.Copy !req
478. I don't know her.Copy !req
479. - Goodbye.
- Uh, bye.Copy !req
480. I think you're jabbing the duck
too hard, Otis.Copy !req
481. Maybe you should just try it
a bit softer...Copy !req
482. a bit slower maybe.Copy !req
483. Yes! See, I got... See.Copy !req
484. Thank you. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
485. Ta-da!Copy !req
486. For you.Copy !req
487. - There you go.
Tell him.Copy !req
488. Okay. Um, thank you.Copy !req
489. I need to tell you something.Copy !req
490. - Um...
- Sure.Copy !req
491. Okay. Uh, I...Copy !req
492. Uh, I really, really don't like...Copy !req
493. goldfish.Copy !req
494. Here you go.Copy !req
495. - Yeah.Copy !req
496. Okay, thanks.Copy !req
497. Yeah.Copy !req
498. Hey, do you wanna hang at mine?Copy !req
499. - We could, you know...
- No.Copy !req
500. I've got loads of homework
that I need to do.Copy !req
501. - In fact, I need to go... now.
- Okay.Copy !req
502. - But thank you so much for the bear. Dog.
- Thank you for the fish.Copy !req
503. Okay, I'll see you.Copy !req
504. My friend's boyfriend doesn't know
how to finger her properly.Copy !req
505. I'm off duty, sorry.Copy !req
506. He's really bad at it.Copy !req
507. Tell your friend's boyfriendCopy !req
508. to look up something called
the clock technique.Copy !req
509. It looks a bit complicated at first,
granted,Copy !req
510. but once you get it right,
the results are astounding.Copy !req
511. It's you.Copy !req
512. You're my friend's boyfriend.Copy !req
513. You're bad at fingering.Copy !req
514. Please don't tell Ola
I said anything, but...Copy !req
515. sort it out?Copy !req
516. I'm ready to talk dirty.Copy !req
517. I'm gonna do nasty things to you.Copy !req
518. - Yeah.Copy !req
519. I'm gonna get you so wet.Copy !req
520. You're going to feel like
your water just broke.Copy !req
521. - What?
- I'm gonna treat you so badly,Copy !req
522. you'll be late for work tomorrow
and I'm gonna get you fired,Copy !req
523. completely ruin your life.Copy !req
524. Wait that's not... Is that right?Copy !req
525. Um...Copy !req
526. Uh... this isn't working.Copy !req
527. Isn't it?Copy !req
528. Grab your stuff. Come with us.Copy !req
529. Here you go. That'll keep you warm.Copy !req
530. Are you homesick yet?Copy !req
531. I was proper homesick
when I first got here.Copy !req
532. Yeah.Copy !req
533. - He used to cry every night for his mummy.
- Did not.Copy !req
534. I miss my mum a bit, but...Copy !req
535. not my dad though. He's—Copy !req
536. An arsehole?Copy !req
537. Yep, my dad's a dick too.Copy !req
538. My dad's a pussy.Copy !req
539. A mean one.Copy !req
540. Fuck all the mean dads.Copy !req
541. Fuck 'em!Copy !req
542. Fuck all the dads.Copy !req
543. - You got a girlfriend?
- Yep.Copy !req
544. Her name's Aimee.Copy !req
545. Big tits.Copy !req
546. You a boob or an arse man?Copy !req
547. I like elbows.Copy !req
548. - I love you.
Oh, hold on, darling.Copy !req
549. I'm not training, Mum.Copy !req
550. Got to keep on track.Copy !req
551. You'll be swimming again
before you know it.Copy !req
552. Well, what if I'm not?Copy !req
553. You know, maybe I should get,
like, a new hobby or something.Copy !req
554. But your hand is going to heal.Copy !req
555. - Yeah.
- Yes?Copy !req
556. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
557. Go on.Copy !req
558. - Have a good day.
- Yeah, you too.Copy !req
559. - Well, what do I do?Copy !req
560. You're kind of asking the wrong guy
about fingering, dude.Copy !req
561. I don't know. Shit.Copy !req
562. For you to read.Copy !req
563. Thanks.Copy !req
564. Thank you.Copy !req
565. First, he looks at me
like he wants to kill me,Copy !req
566. then he calls me boring,
and now he's giving me books.Copy !req
567. - Maybe he wants to be your friend.
- Or maybe he's a teenage Ted Bundy.Copy !req
568. This is serious, okay?Copy !req
569. I need to find someone
who understands vaginas.Copy !req
570. Your mum.Copy !req
571. - I'm being serious.
- No, Otis, your mum is here.Copy !req
572. Okay. All right.Copy !req
573. Good luck, Fingertron.Copy !req
574. I'm branching out. You should audition.Copy !req
575. That's not really my thing.Copy !req
576. Thanks, though.Copy !req
577. But you're acting all the time.Copy !req
578. And you'll probably get a sword.Copy !req
579. No hats.Copy !req
580. Take it to your dorm.Copy !req
581. Come on.Copy !req
582. I've still got your, uh, hat.Copy !req
583. - We're not poofs or anything.
- Yeah, I was thinking about my girlfriend.Copy !req
584. And I was thinking of your girlfriend,
you know... with the big tits.Copy !req
585. I won't tell anyone.Copy !req
586. I need your advice.Copy !req
587. I'm pretty...Copy !req
588. I'm bad at fingering. Really bad.
And my girlfriend is actively avoiding me.Copy !req
589. Please help.Copy !req
590. Okay.Copy !req
591. But only because I pity you.Copy !req
592. - Show me what you did then.
- I was about to eat that.Copy !req
593. - You want me to...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
594. Okay. Um...Copy !req
595. Sorry.Copy !req
596. Well, I...Copy !req
597. I started at...Copy !req
598. I started at 12 o'clock...Copy !req
599. and went to three o'clock,Copy !req
600. and then back down to six.Copy !req
601. Oh, it's juicy. And then there was nine.Copy !req
602. Congratulations, you can tell the time.Copy !req
603. Then I carried on, clockwise,
then I flipped it anti-clockwise.Copy !req
604. So you DJ-ed on her vag.Copy !req
605. What's with the clock thing?Copy !req
606. - It's a technique.
- It's weird.Copy !req
607. Continue.Copy !req
608. Well, I sort of continued that motion...Copy !req
609. Oh, then I had a spread,Copy !req
610. which was kind of like that. That's...Copy !req
611. - And continued to apply pressure, and—
- Stop jabbing.Copy !req
612. - It's not, I'm not really jabbing.
- I think I'd know, it's my orange.Copy !req
613. - Actually, it's my orange.
- Shh.Copy !req
614. Okay, um...Copy !req
615. - This is ridiculous. I'm sorry.
- Look...Copy !req
616. there's no magic technique that works
with all women.Copy !req
617. Every orange is different,Copy !req
618. but you shouldn't be asking me,
you should be asking your girlfriend.Copy !req
619. Tune into her orange.Copy !req
620. Yeah.Copy !req
621. Okay, we're done now.Copy !req
622. Thank you.Copy !req
623. Okay, everyone.Copy !req
624. It's SRE question time.Copy !req
625. Okay?Copy !req
626. In the old box, and... Ah!Copy !req
627. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
628. Okay.Copy !req
629. "Can I get pregnant
from only giving hand jobs?"Copy !req
630. Okay, um...Copy !req
631. Well, fertilization only occurs
when Mr. Sperm enters Mrs. Egg.Copy !req
632. So, no is the answer.Copy !req
633. Okay...Copy !req
634. Good.Copy !req
635. Um...Copy !req
636. "My boyfriend
doesn't want to wear a condom.Copy !req
637. What should I do?"Copy !req
638. Uh... Hell.Copy !req
639. Condoms protect the egg
from fertilization.Copy !req
640. - Okay.
- Monsieur,Copy !req
641. what about gay sex?Copy !req
642. Well, you can't get pregnant
from, um, homosexual activity.Copy !req
643. But what about pleasure?Copy !req
644. People don't always have sex
to make a baby.Copy !req
645. Mm. Um...Copy !req
646. Where was I? The, uh... The egg—Copy !req
647. What type of lubricant would you recommend
for doing anal sex?Copy !req
648. Well, you should always use
a water-based lubricant.Copy !req
649. Oil-based products will decompose
the latex in the condom.Copy !req
650. And, sorry, just to answer
the previous question,Copy !req
651. no matter how persistent
a sexual partner isCopy !req
652. about not using contraception,Copy !req
653. remember it is always your right
to say no.Copy !req
654. Always.Copy !req
655. Cool.Copy !req
656. Uh, Ms. Milburn?Copy !req
657. Has that given you enough information
for your report then?Copy !req
658. Well, quite frankly, Mr. Groff,
I'm shocked by the ineptitude.Copy !req
659. I'll be spending the next few weeks
getting to know the studentsCopy !req
660. and their needs a bit better.Copy !req
661. I'm not sure the board will agree
to anything that drastic.Copy !req
662. I've already spoken to Maxine Tarrington,
and she approves.Copy !req
663. I'm looking forward
to working with you, Mr. Groff.Copy !req
664. Oh, for God's sake!Copy !req
665. Did you know you need, like,
sugar and flour and an oven to bake?Copy !req
666. And you don't just shove it all in,
you have to follow all these rules.Copy !req
667. Yeah, it's called a recipe.Copy !req
668. Hey, Maeve,
you're our new Quiz Head. High five.Copy !req
669. Don't let me down.Copy !req
670. Hey, have you guys...
Have you seen Ola anywhere?Copy !req
671. - Maeve got on the quiz team.
- Oh, good job.Copy !req
672. If you see Ola, I'm looking for her.Copy !req
673. Are you happy, babes?Copy !req
674. I don't think I'm over Otis.Copy !req
675. That is what I keep saying.Copy !req
676. Oh, my God! Your mum is everyting.Copy !req
677. She talked about anal sex
in front of Mr. Groff.Copy !req
678. - Jean actually gives me life.
- That's not good news, Eric.Copy !req
679. Oh, and I think Rahim is gay.Copy !req
680. - That actually makes a ton of sense.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
681. Staring at you,
wanting to sit next to you all the time,Copy !req
682. giving you books. He probably likes you.Copy !req
683. Otis, I don't think so.Copy !req
684. Read the signs, Eric. I have to go.Copy !req
685. Sir! I was wrong. I was wrong.
You have to tune into her orange.Copy !req
686. Just listen to what she's actually saying.
That's how you learn Spanish, huh?Copy !req
687. Good luck!Copy !req
688. It's an apple.Copy !req
689. Hi.Copy !req
690. I know I'm bad at fingering.Copy !req
691. I was really busy trying to get it right,
and I wasn't listening to you.Copy !req
692. We don't ever have to do it again.Copy !req
693. Or...Copy !req
694. I could show you what I like?Copy !req
695. Could you explain why you enjoy dirty talk
so that I can understand?Copy !req
696. If not, I bought dips.Copy !req
697. Loads of them.Copy !req
698. I feel like a dowdy teacher all day, so...Copy !req
699. when I'm at home,
I want to escape and to feel...Copy !req
700. Like a female dog?Copy !req
701. No.Copy !req
702. Colin, I don't care what you say.Copy !req
703. I just...Copy !req
704. want to feel sexy.Copy !req
705. So it's not about the words.Copy !req
706. Spatula.Copy !req
707. Pepper grinder.Copy !req
708. Milk frother.Copy !req
709. Ice cream scoop.Copy !req
710. Baba ghanoush! Oh!Copy !req
711. Baba ghanoush!Copy !req
712. Say it again! Baba...Copy !req
713. Ghanoush!Copy !req
714. That's not mine.Copy !req
715. They planted it.Copy !req
716. And why would they do that?Copy !req
717. Does this... belong...Copy !req
718. to you?Copy !req
719. Left, right, left, right,
left, right, left!Copy !req
720. Left, right, left, right,
left, right, left!Copy !req
721. Left, right, left, right,
left, right, left!Copy !req
722. I lied.Copy !req
723. I lied. It's not my weed.Copy !req
724. They wanted to get me expelled
because they're... poofs.Copy !req
725. Sir.Copy !req
726. Yes.Copy !req
727. Quite a lot of us are poofs
in this institution.Copy !req
728. But some things
are better left unacknowledged.Copy !req
729. So I don't have to...Copy !req
730. go home?Copy !req
731. You were found with drugs
in your possession, Adam.Copy !req
732. I'm sorry.Copy !req
733. That was your last chance
at a formal education.Copy !req
734. If you put one foot out of line,
you won't have a roof over your head.Copy !req
735. Understood?Copy !req