1. How's that? Is that good for you?Copy !req
2. Not really.
You're just dry humping my leg.Copy !req
3. Okay, um, let's switch positions.Copy !req
4. Oh, leg cramp!Copy !req
5. Do you have to be so vigorous?Copy !req
6. Sex is meant to be vigorous.Copy !req
7. - Oh!
- Okay, time out. Time out.Copy !req
8. Do you want me to go down on you? Ruthie?Copy !req
9. Or we could watch Blue Planet?Copy !req
10. Well, the silky sharks
are a beautiful shark.Copy !req
11. And what makes them even more fascinating
is that there are thousands of them here.Copy !req
12. That's enough.Copy !req
13. - Ah-ha!
- Hey.Copy !req
14. - You're in love with Maeve.
- What?Copy !req
15. - I'm not... I'm not in love.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
16. Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
17. You've been glued to your phone
for, like, three weeks,Copy !req
18. and every time she texts you,
this happens.Copy !req
19. - What happens? Oh, sorry.
- Watch it, breadstick.Copy !req
20. Okay. Have a nice day.Copy !req
21. This! You turn into smiley,
happy cupcake Otis. It's weird.Copy !req
22. I don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
23. Maeve and I are work colleagues
and we're friends. That's it.Copy !req
24. - Yeah. Friends.
- Boys and girls can be friends.Copy !req
25. Yeah, sure. Their genitals can be friends.Copy !req
26. I thought you said Maeve was
with Jackson now, anyway.Copy !req
27. They're not with each other.
They're just, you know...Copy !req
28. Having super-hot, athletic,
sweaty intercourse?Copy !req
29. - Casual sex.
- Uh! Uh!Copy !req
30. You seem to know a lot
about her relationship status.Copy !req
31. Yes, because we're friends
and friends share things.Copy !req
32. Like bodily fluids?Copy !req
33. Hey, look.Copy !req
34. - Still looking for a job?
- Hah, yeah.Copy !req
35. Nice try, but you can't distract meCopy !req
36. from the fact
that you're clearly in love with Maeve!Copy !req
37. - That was good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
38. I haven't seen you for a while. I thought
you didn't wanna hook up anymore.Copy !req
39. - I've been busy.
- All right.Copy !req
40. Do you wanna hang out later?Copy !req
41. - We just had sex.
- I mean, like...Copy !req
42. You know, hang out.Copy !req
43. Jackson, I'm not offended
that you wanna keep this a secret.Copy !req
44. It's casual and it works for me.Copy !req
45. You don't have to try
and be honorable and shit. Okay?Copy !req
46. See you later.Copy !req
47. Sh...Copy !req
48. Oh, my God. Jackson is so hot.Copy !req
49. Jackson is looking at us. God.Copy !req
50. - Jackson's approaching us.
- Mind if I join you?Copy !req
51. - Jackson is here.
- Uh...Copy !req
52. - You know Maeve, right?
- Nah.Copy !req
53. Yes, you do. He does.Copy !req
54. Well, yeah, I mean... we're friends.
We're just friends, you know.Copy !req
55. - Hey, man, I'm—
- Handsome.Copy !req
56. Sorry, you are...
- Eric.Copy !req
57. Eric.Copy !req
58. Some people know me as Tromboner.Copy !req
59. - So, I need your help.
- Me?Copy !req
60. I mean... me?Copy !req
61. - Well, Maeve and I, we're, you know—
- Boning.Copy !req
62. Yeah. And it's great.Copy !req
63. But I've sort of realized that I want her
to hang around with me more.Copy !req
64. - Mm.
- You know, afterwards.Copy !req
65. - After the boning. Mm.
- Yeah, so I thought you could help me out.Copy !req
66. You want him to help you get Maeve
to be your girlfriend?Copy !req
67. Yeah.Copy !req
68. Yeah, I don't really know what I can do.Copy !req
69. - So...Copy !req
70. - Well, I mean, you're her friend.
- You're her friend?Copy !req
71. And I heard you
sort of give out sex advice.Copy !req
72. - Yeah, he does.
Yeah.Copy !req
73. So I thought
you were the right person to talk to.Copy !req
74. - I mean, I can pay, if that's the problem.Copy !req
75. - I...
- Oh, shit, I've gotta run.Copy !req
76. - Let's catch up later.
- Wait, no.Copy !req
77. - I really appreciate this, man. Take care.
- Yeah.Copy !req
78. This...Copy !req
79. Is that Jackson's new girlfriend?Copy !req
80. Oh! Ha! You are like a pimp.Copy !req
81. And not the cool Snoop Dogg kind.Copy !req
82. Hm!Copy !req
83. D.Copy !req
84. D.Copy !req
85. E.Copy !req
86. And on this one
you just drew a picture of a—Copy !req
87. That's a... It's a woman's behind.Copy !req
88. There. There's a...Copy !req
89. - That's a bumhole, there's a vagina.
- You won't be laughingCopy !req
90. when you throw yourself off
a motorway bridge at the age of 35Copy !req
91. because of the failure you have become!Copy !req
92. I have spoken to the dean
at Mountview Military this morning.Copy !req
93. - Dad, I—
- Your name is on the waiting list.Copy !req
94. You have until the end of term to get
these grades up and change my mind.Copy !req
95. Sorry I'm late. I had a, uh—Copy !req
96. Had a thing.Copy !req
97. Get it together, we've got clients.Copy !req
98. Roger. Affirmative. Good to go.Copy !req
99. It's like the more we try,
the worse it gets.Copy !req
100. Like we can't get in sync
or find a rhythm.Copy !req
101. When we're having sex, I feel like
I've never seen a vagina before.Copy !req
102. But I have, I've got one
and I've looked at it a lot.Copy !req
103. It's got to the point where when
I think about touching Ruthie,Copy !req
104. I get really panicked, because
I know it's gonna be really bad.Copy !req
105. Like when you put together
a bookshelf from IKEACopy !req
106. and you realize
you don't have the right screwCopy !req
107. and the whole thing was a waste of timeCopy !req
108. and then you just hate everything
about Sweden.Copy !req
109. - Ruthie, tell him how bad it is.
- Look, I don't know why we're doing this.Copy !req
110. It's not like some advice
from a 16-year-old straight dudeCopy !req
111. is gonna magically fix us.Copy !req
112. It's stupid.Copy !req
113. Yeah, well, I mean, you're right, Ruthie.Copy !req
114. I'm not particularly well-versedCopy !req
115. in the intricacies
of lesbian sexual relations,Copy !req
116. but I think,Copy !req
117. if I can learn a bit more about your
emotional relationship to one another,Copy !req
118. I might be able to get closer
to the root of the problem.Copy !req
119. We don't have a problem
with our relationship.Copy !req
120. We're in love and it's great.Copy !req
121. We're just...Copy !req
122. inexperienced.Copy !req
123. This is my first lesbian relationship.Copy !req
124. Me too.Copy !req
125. First, I mean,
lesbian sex therapy session.Copy !req
126. So have you got any ideas, Kinsey?Copy !req
127. I'd like to have an orgasm
sometime this century.Copy !req
128. Yeah, leave it with me.Copy !req
129. I'll do some research
and see what I can come up with.Copy !req
130. Yeah, brilliant.Copy !req
131. Thanks, thank you.Copy !req
132. How'd it go?Copy !req
133. Might be a tricky one.Copy !req
134. Ah...Copy !req
135. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
136. I'm sorry, I'm coming down with something.
Nothing serious, though.Copy !req
137. Do you want to come in
and we can get started?Copy !req
138. - I'm just gonna grab my—
- Follow me.Copy !req
139. Have a seat.Copy !req
140. I won't bite.Copy !req
141. So...Copy !req
142. scrotal anxiety.Copy !req
143. Your email implies you've been struggling
with this for a while.Copy !req
144. Why don't you start by telling me
your earliest memory of your scrotum?Copy !req
145. Oh, goodness.Copy !req
146. I'm sorry, I completely forgot.Copy !req
147. I, uh...Copy !req
148. I'm having my bathroom redone.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
149. I have my tools outside.Copy !req
150. So I'd better go and get them, right?Copy !req
151. Earliest memory,Copy !req
152. I'd just turned five.Copy !req
153. And I was looking down,Copy !req
154. and thought,Copy !req
155. "Oh, there are my balls."Copy !req
156. The topic for this year's sixth form
essay competition isCopy !req
157. "Every great dream
begins with a dreamer."Copy !req
158. Entry is compulsory.Copy !req
159. This is a fantastic opportunity
that could look very goodCopy !req
160. on your university applications
next year.Copy !req
161. Are any of you even listening?
No, I didn't think so. Anyway...Copy !req
162. Here's some more information.
Take it or leave it.Copy !req
163. I'll be interested to see your take
on this, Maeve. Genuinely.Copy !req
164. I'm giving the money back.
No, hold up.Copy !req
165. You have a rare opportunity here to use
your power for self-interest.Copy !req
166. What do you mean?Copy !req
167. You keep the money. Give Jackson
the wrong advice. Make trouble.Copy !req
168. Okay, that is unethicalCopy !req
169. - on so many levels.
- Oh!Copy !req
170. Yeah, unethical or...Copy !req
171. badass?Copy !req
172. - Completely unethical.
- Ugh!Copy !req
173. Eric, I'm giving the money back.Copy !req
174. Okay? End of story.Copy !req
175. Well, after you then, Captain Morality.Copy !req
176. Otis!Copy !req
177. You tracked me down.Copy !req
178. Listen, I...
I need to give this back to you.Copy !req
179. I feel uncomfortable talking
behind Maeve's back. It's wrong.Copy !req
180. It's unethical and it's just wrong.Copy !req
181. - I get it.
- All right, cool.Copy !req
182. Yeah. No problem. You're an honorable guy.Copy !req
183. - Great. Here's the money.
- Maeve is such a head-fuck, man.Copy !req
184. Like a Rubik's Cube. She says one thing
and then does something else.Copy !req
185. And I can't keep up.Copy !req
186. - Know what I mean?
- Not really. But here you go.Copy !req
187. We'll have crazy amazing sex, yeah?Copy !req
188. I'm talking, like,
transcendental-level shagging.Copy !req
189. - Okay, stop!
- Aaah!Copy !req
190. And then she ignores me for days.Copy !req
191. But then, she wants to do it again
and round and round we go.Copy !req
192. She's like some sexy merry-go-round,
and I can't get off.Copy !req
193. She's not an object!Copy !req
194. Ohh... What?Copy !req
195. Uh... I said she's not an object.Copy !req
196. You keep describing her
as inanimate objects, but she is a person.Copy !req
197. Have you even thought
about asking her what she wantsCopy !req
198. or what she likes?Copy !req
199. - Well, what does she like?
- Lots of things.Copy !req
200. Um... Female writers, for a start.Copy !req
201. Oh, like The Hunger Games?Copy !req
202. More like, uh, Virginia Woolf
or Roxane Gay or Sylvia Plath.Copy !req
203. She also has a great taste in music.
Joy Division, Nirvana, Bikini Kill...Copy !req
204. But she's not a snob.
I mean, she'll listen to pop.Copy !req
205. - And she has a really dark sense of humor.
- I didn't know that.Copy !req
206. What are you— What are you doing?Copy !req
207. I'm taking notes. This is super helpful.Copy !req
208. No! No! I'm not helping.Copy !req
209. - This is not helping.
- Yeah, it is.Copy !req
210. Stop pulling your pricks and get out here!
40 lengths!Copy !req
211. Get a move on, Jackson.Copy !req
212. Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver.Copy !req
213. - Take care.
- Yeah.Copy !req
214. Bye, Jackson.Copy !req
215. Oh, no.Copy !req
216. Good job.Copy !req
217. Good job.Copy !req
218. Go get herpes somewhere else, guys.Copy !req
219. Oh, hey, Maeve.Copy !req
220. You're not actually reading
Virginia Woolf.Copy !req
221. Why wouldn't I be? She's a brilliant mind.Copy !req
222. Who's the big-nosed chick?Copy !req
223. A fierce, feminist voice
of 20th-century Britain, obviously.Copy !req
224. I've never seen you read before.
Is this some kind of joke?Copy !req
225. No! I read all the time.Copy !req
226. Hey.Copy !req
227. Do you know you are the only personCopy !req
228. to take this book out of the library
since 1972?Copy !req
229. Not anymore, apparently.Copy !req
230. So now he's a feminist!Copy !req
231. You've made the hottest guy in school
even hotter.Copy !req
232. He's basically Ryan Gosling. Well done.Copy !req
233. You don't understand. He's like a Jedi.Copy !req
234. Okay? He just talked, and no matter
what I did, he got what he wanted.Copy !req
235. The one thing you had going for you
was that you're all woke and shit.Copy !req
236. Kind of counters
the whole lame virgin thing.Copy !req
237. Now he's checking his privilege.
It's game over.Copy !req
238. It's not a game.
- It is a game.Copy !req
239. - Because Maeve and I are just friends.
- Hm.Copy !req
240. Anyway, she's not gonna fall
for this whole performance.Copy !req
241. Oh, my God, I love Virginia Woolf.Copy !req
242. Nice guys finish last.Copy !req
243. Especially when there's a nicer guy
with rock-hard abs.Copy !req
244. Ruby thinks Kyle should change
the way he dresses,Copy !req
245. but I think he looks nice.Copy !req
246. He has been wearing
a lot of trackie bottoms recently,Copy !req
247. but that's only
'cause he set his jeans on fire.Copy !req
248. What?Copy !req
249. He's got second-degree burns
on his thighs,Copy !req
250. but he was blazed when it happened,
so it only hurt a bit.Copy !req
251. Hey, Maeve.Copy !req
252. What do you think Woolf meant by,Copy !req
253. "The history of men's opposition
to women's emancipationCopy !req
254. is more interesting, perhaps, than
the story of that emancipation itself"?Copy !req
255. That men are dicks,
and selective castration is our only hope.Copy !req
256. You know, you are so dark.Copy !req
257. - What?
- Your humor, it's dark. I like dark humor.Copy !req
258. - Okay, bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
259. He's being so weird.Copy !req
260. I think he's peacocking.Copy !req
261. But with words.Copy !req
262. Girls, less chatting, more running!Copy !req
263. - Look! Look, look, look!
- I know! Okay!Copy !req
264. Are you listening to Sløtface?Copy !req
265. Oh, what? Sløtface?
Yeah, their new album is incredible.Copy !req
266. Since when do you like punk?Copy !req
267. Oh, wait, do you like punk?Copy !req
268. - Among other things.
- Ah!Copy !req
269. Well, I've actually got a spare ticket
for this local band night.Copy !req
270. Pussyfest. Do you wanna come?Copy !req
271. - Maybe.
- All right, it's a date.Copy !req
272. Actually, I can't.
I've got an essay to write.Copy !req
273. - Huh?
- Have fun, though.Copy !req
274. She's not gonna text you.Copy !req
275. She's texting Jackson now.Copy !req
276. Who needs a friend
when you have a boyfriend?Copy !req
277. Uh, he's not her boyfriend. Okay?Copy !req
278. I mean, I wouldn't care if he was,
but he's not.Copy !req
279. He's literally not.Copy !req
280. Well, well. Appears you were wrong.Copy !req
281. I've gotta go.Copy !req
282. See, Maeve and I still run
a sex clinic together.Copy !req
283. And that's still weird.Copy !req
284. That's really, really weird.Copy !req
285. N— No, it's fine.Copy !req
286. Quite a bit of mold,
but, uh, it's fixable.Copy !req
287. Great.Copy !req
288. - I mean, that's fine.
- Yeah.Copy !req
289. Are you writing another book?Copy !req
290. Uh...Copy !req
291. I mean, I saw that you've—
you've written books,Copy !req
292. this morning, in your office.Copy !req
293. Yes, I did. A very long time ago.Copy !req
294. But, um... I don't really write anymore.Copy !req
295. Why?Copy !req
296. Well, um...Copy !req
297. I wrote that last book with my...Copy !req
298. ex-husband.Copy !req
299. And we split just after the publication.Copy !req
300. And I tried, but, to be honest, um...Copy !req
301. the fear creeps in a bit as you get older.Copy !req
302. I don't know why I'm telling you that.Copy !req
303. Fuck fear.Copy !req
304. I'm sorry?Copy !req
305. Fuck the fear.Copy !req
306. Tomorrow, you could be driving along
in your car, happily,Copy !req
307. and then, uh, smash you, uh, head to head
with an 18-wheeler truckCopy !req
308. and you're squished to the road,
and you're dead.Copy !req
309. Just a waste of time.Copy !req
310. So fuck fear.Copy !req
311. Hello, darling.Copy !req
312. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
313. - Are you all right?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
314. Homework stuff.
Well...Copy !req
315. I should leave you to it.Copy !req
316. Sorry.Copy !req
317. It's okay.Copy !req
318. Hello!Copy !req
319. Are you a friend of Otis'?Copy !req
320. No, I'm here to pick up my father.Copy !req
321. You know, intense European dude.
Thinks he's a comedian.Copy !req
322. Piercing blue eyes. He's got "fuck"
written across his hand...Copy !req
323. Don't be a man-child,
get a move on. I'm late for work!Copy !req
324. I am ignoring you. Hurry up.Copy !req
325. Please can I use your bathroom?Copy !req
326. Yes. It's upstairs.Copy !req
327. Thanks.Copy !req
328. Mum!Copy !req
329. You're not my mum.Copy !req
330. - I just— I'm not—Copy !req
331. This is research!Copy !req
332. Uh...Copy !req
333. You should probably think about
gettin' a lock on this door.Copy !req
334. Where's the bathroom?Copy !req
335. - Uh, on your left.
- Thanks.Copy !req
336. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!Copy !req
337. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.Copy !req
338. Oh, don't annoy me.Copy !req
339. How have you pooped?Copy !req
340. Oh, yuck.Copy !req
341. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck,
yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.Copy !req
342. - Okay, stay.Copy !req
343. - Yeah, you should feel bad.Copy !req
344. Ugh.Copy !req
345. - Uh... Francis, Bacon, get back here!Copy !req
346. - Oh! Come on! Come on!Copy !req
347. What the hell?Copy !req
348. Uh, Francis!Copy !req
349. Bacon!Copy !req
350. Shit.Copy !req
351. Oh, okay. Come on, guys, come on.Copy !req
352. Oh. Come on.Copy !req
353. Hey.Copy !req
354. Sorry, new job. Dog walker.Copy !req
355. Gay.Copy !req
356. Quiet, Madam.Copy !req
357. - Be quiet, Madam.Copy !req
358. Um...Copy !req
359. She's not my dog. She's my mum's.Copy !req
360. - Yeah, she's cute.Copy !req
361. She's a champ. Okay?Copy !req
362. She's like the Kim Kardashian
of tiny dogs.Copy !req
363. Oh.Copy !req
364. - Up, Madam.Copy !req
365. Up! Show me tits.Copy !req
366. - Good girl. Oh! Good girl.
- Hey!Copy !req
367. That is wicked.Copy !req
368. Hey, Madam sounds a bit like Adam.Copy !req
369. - What are you trying to say?Copy !req
370. Nothing. Nothing. Okay, bye. Bye, um...Copy !req
371. - Madam! Madam!
- Um...Copy !req
372. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
373. Uh, I've gotta drop these off,
but I can come back—Copy !req
374. Don't bother, okay? You shouldn't be
walkin' dogs if you can't control them.Copy !req
375. Just fuck off.Copy !req
376. - Madam! Madam!Copy !req
377. You can't even walk a dog!Copy !req
378. Hello.Copy !req
379. Hi.Copy !req
380. Okay, then.Copy !req
381. I heard a thing.Copy !req
382. - Okay.
- This thing concerns your virginal status.Copy !req
383. Excuse me?Copy !req
384. I heard on the grapevine
that your cherry remains unpopped.Copy !req
385. - That's none of your business.
- Yeah, let's skip the faux modesty.Copy !req
386. - I'm down if you are.
- Down?Copy !req
387. Deflowering the maiden.Copy !req
388. Breaking the lawn chair,
skinning the fish.Copy !req
389. - Your dick in my vagina. What do you say?
- Yeah, um...Copy !req
390. Wait, sorry, who are you?Copy !req
391. Whoever you want me to be.Copy !req
392. Also, I'm Lily.Copy !req
393. Well, thanks, Lily, but, um...Copy !req
394. I'm gonna have to politely decline.Copy !req
395. Okay.Copy !req
396. Well, if you change your mind,Copy !req
397. you can usually find me in music room B.Copy !req
398. Or algebra club.Copy !req
399. Bye, then.Copy !req
400. Bye.Copy !req
401. Woof-woof-woof! O-Dawg!Copy !req
402. - Uh... J... Dude.Copy !req
403. Just wanna say thanks for the help, man.Copy !req
404. Me and Maeve have been texting all night.Copy !req
405. - She's, like, mad brainy.
- Yeah. I know.Copy !req
406. I'm actually into
some of this stuff too, you know.Copy !req
407. - It is good to look outside your bubble.
- Yeah, I guess it is.Copy !req
408. - It's all thanks to you, man.
- You know what, Jackson?Copy !req
409. - I—
- Ah, that's her!Copy !req
410. - I didn't—
- Gotta go. Thank you.Copy !req
411. - Wait.
- Yeah?Copy !req
412. - Okay.Copy !req
413. - Yo!Copy !req
414. It's for you.Copy !req
415. It's soup, for a sick person.Copy !req
416. Oh, no! Oh, you shouldn't have done that.Copy !req
417. I'm feeling so much better today.
Just a scratchy throat.Copy !req
418. Still, uh... eat the soup.
It's good for you.Copy !req
419. No one's ever made me soup before.Copy !req
420. It's just soup.Copy !req
421. Okay, back to work, then.Copy !req
422. Excuse me.Copy !req
423. Excuse me.Copy !req
424. Mm!Copy !req
425. Why don't you just go out with him?Copy !req
426. Let's do a mind map.Copy !req
427. - What's that?
- Oh, it's just writing stuff down.Copy !req
428. But in a fun way that engages
all sides of your brain.Copy !req
429. You mean both sides.Copy !req
430. Yeah, all of them.Copy !req
431. It's really good for hard decisionsCopy !req
432. like, should I get a fringe,Copy !req
433. even though Mum says
it'll make my face look chubby?Copy !req
434. Or should I tell Mum I hate her
and run away from home?Copy !req
435. Hm?Copy !req
436. So, let's start with Jackson's nice bits.Copy !req
437. Okay. Um...Copy !req
438. He's good at sex.Copy !req
439. Like, properly good.Copy !req
440. Mm!Copy !req
441. - Uh, he's attractive.
- And he's popular.Copy !req
442. Mm-hm. And he's going places.Copy !req
443. Like, he's not a slacker.Copy !req
444. No, he's probably gonna be president
or something.Copy !req
445. We don't have presidents
in this country, Aimee.Copy !req
446. Okay, what else?Copy !req
447. Do you have things in common?Copy !req
448. Yeah, we do.Copy !req
449. - Weirdly.
- So...Copy !req
450. Cons?Copy !req
451. - I don't want a boyfriend.
- I don't get it.Copy !req
452. Having a boyfriend is the best thing.Copy !req
453. What's so good about it?Copy !req
454. You always have someone to hang out with.Copy !req
455. And, like, last week, I got chased
by a fox, and Kyle threw a shoe at it.Copy !req
456. It was so romantic.Copy !req
457. This is good. It's really helpful,
being in the water, isn't it?Copy !req
458. It's freeing us up. We're really figuring
out how our bodies can intertwine.Copy !req
459. It's working well for me.
Is it working for you?Copy !req
460. No.Copy !req
461. How's it going, guys?Copy !req
462. What are you doing?Copy !req
463. I don't want you to think
I engineered this situationCopy !req
464. for my own sexual gratification.Copy !req
465. That would be super creepy.Copy !req
466. Hence the backwards stance.Copy !req
467. This is even creepier.
Just turn around. Stop being creepy.Copy !req
468. Well, like I said before, I am
a sex and relationship therapist.Copy !req
469. You are a teenager with
an inflated sense of self-importance.Copy !req
470. Right. Well, I have a hunchCopy !req
471. that this is more to do with your
relationship than your physical intimacy.Copy !req
472. - How's your communication?
- We've known each otherCopy !req
473. since primary school,
and we talk for hours.Copy !req
474. - It might help.
- Interesting.Copy !req
475. How long have you guys been together?Copy !req
476. About four months.Copy !req
477. We both came out around the same time
and it just happened.Copy !req
478. Interesting.Copy !req
479. I'm sure you find
lots of things interesting,Copy !req
480. but our problem is with the sex,
not the relationship.Copy !req
481. So we're just gonna
figure this out on our own.Copy !req
482. Uh...Copy !req
483. Well, come back when you're ready
to talk about your relationship.Copy !req
484. Good session, team. Great progress.Copy !req
485. How's it going with Jackson?Copy !req
486. - What do you mean?
- I mean...Copy !req
487. You guys seem to be spending
a lot of time together.Copy !req
488. What do you care?Copy !req
489. - I was just asking. Sorry.Copy !req
490. He does seem keen for us
to hang out more, but...Copy !req
491. I don't really get it.Copy !req
492. Like, we have loads of sex.Copy !req
493. So why'd he wanna complicate things?Copy !req
494. It's stupid.
Anyway, I don't do boyfriends.Copy !req
495. Why not?Copy !req
496. You know in rom-come, when the guy finally
realizes he's in love with the girl,Copy !req
497. and he turns up
with a boom box outside her house,Copy !req
498. blasting her favorite song,
and everyone in the audience swoons?Copy !req
499. - Yeah, that makes me sick.Copy !req
500. Okay, but seriously,Copy !req
501. what's wrong with boyfriends?Copy !req
502. It's just someone else
to let you down, isn't it?Copy !req
503. You really think so?Copy !req
504. What the hell?Copy !req
505. What?Copy !req
506. - Ah!Copy !req
507. Like that, do you?Copy !req
508. Don't fucking...Copy !req
509. So... why don't you wanna
go out with Jackson?Copy !req
510. - I mean, really.
- No.Copy !req
511. We don't do that therapy thing.Copy !req
512. Save that for the clientele.Copy !req
513. Fine.Copy !req
514. I'm me and he's him.Copy !req
515. Meaning?Copy !req
516. Come on, Otis, he's Jackson and I'm...
You know.Copy !req
517. - Maeve.Copy !req
518. No, I'm a grotty, stinky cock-biter
who lives in a caravan.Copy !req
519. - Come on! You're not. Look...Copy !req
520. You're not that stinky.Copy !req
521. Plus, I thought it was a scrote you bit?Copy !req
522. Dickhead!Copy !req
523. Oh!Copy !req
524. - You look like the Cookie Monster.Copy !req
525. Wait...Copy !req
526. - Ooh! Okay.Copy !req
527. Ow! Yeah, let's go.Copy !req
528. - Okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
529. You coming?Copy !req
530. No.Copy !req
531. - What? You just said we better go.
- I'm staying here.Copy !req
532. Why?Copy !req
533. Um...Copy !req
534. Exercise.Copy !req
535. Yeah, but school is closing.Copy !req
536. Yeah, but...Copy !req
537. exercise.Copy !req
538. Okay.Copy !req
539. You're compellingly odd, Milburn.Copy !req
540. Fucking go away.Copy !req
541. Must have been
one hell of a blow job, Wiley.Copy !req
542. Otis.Copy !req
543. Uh...Copy !req
544. Promise not to laugh.Copy !req
545. I might have a mild to moderate crush
on Maeve.Copy !req
546. Yeah, no shit. What gave it away?Copy !req
547. She, uh...Copy !req
548. She touched my eyebrows
and now I have an erection.Copy !req
549. You said you wouldn't laugh.Copy !req
550. Ugh. It won't go away.Copy !req
551. It's been half an hour,Copy !req
552. - and it's really cold.Copy !req
553. There's only one solution.Copy !req
554. It's just wanking.Copy !req
555. Oh, God.Copy !req
556. Ah, stop! Ah! No!Copy !req
557. AC/DC! AC/DC! Okay.Copy !req
558. Adam and the Ants,
Aerosmith, Alice in Chains.Copy !req
559. The Blues Brothers. Bowie, David.Copy !req
560. The Byrds. Okay.Copy !req
561. - Did you do it?
- No.Copy !req
562. I alphabetized my music collection
and it went away.Copy !req
563. It's okay, man.Copy !req
564. - Next time.
- We won't speak of this ever again, okay?Copy !req
565. Otis!Copy !req
566. You got a minute?Copy !req
567. Yeah.Copy !req
568. I know the drill.Copy !req
569. Bye, Jackson.Copy !req
570. So I'm gonna ask Maeve out,
properly this time.Copy !req
571. - How do you think I should do it?
- Jackson...Copy !req
572. you're a smart guy.
I'm sure you can figure it out.Copy !req
573. But I need your help.
Everything you said worked.Copy !req
574. - I don't want to screw this up.
- I'm all out of advice, sorry.Copy !req
575. Come on, man. Look, we talk, we laugh.
We have crazy good sex.Copy !req
576. Now I just wanna seal the deal.Copy !req
577. Well...Copy !req
578. what do you usually do?Copy !req
579. Well, usually I say, "Do you wanna
go out?" And then they say yes.Copy !req
580. It's that easy?Copy !req
581. Well, it's just not usually this hard.Copy !req
582. Okay, do you even like Maeve?Copy !req
583. Or have you just never
not got your way before?Copy !req
584. No, I like her.Copy !req
585. I wake up and I'm thinkin' about her.Copy !req
586. I go to sleep and I'm thinkin' about her.Copy !req
587. It's driving me insane.Copy !req
588. I think she could be the...Copy !req
589. the one.Copy !req
590. Wait, sorry.Copy !req
591. Sorry. You're right.
I'll figure this out on my own.Copy !req
592. - You've helped out enough.
- Yeah.Copy !req
593. You know, it's weird.
You're my age, but wise.Copy !req
594. You're like my mum...Copy !req
595. in a little man's body.Copy !req
596. Like a little mum man.Copy !req
597. No offense.Copy !req
598. Make a grand gesture.Copy !req
599. What, like flowers?Copy !req
600. Grander.Copy !req
601. Like a giant teddy bear?Copy !req
602. Much grander.Copy !req
603. Think, like...
like rom-com grand, you know?Copy !req
604. Public, passionate.Copy !req
605. Heart on your sleeve,
running through the rain...Copy !req
606. If it seems too much, go bigger.Copy !req
607. - If you want her...
- Yeah.Copy !req
608. show her how much.Copy !req
609. Trust me.Copy !req
610. All right. Thanks, man.Copy !req
611. You really are a good guy.Copy !req
612. You are stone cold evil.Copy !req
613. Look, you told me to screw over Jackson.Copy !req
614. All right? This was your idea.Copy !req
615. I say lots of stuff.
You're not supposed to listen to me.Copy !req
616. - This is bad. You're a bad person.
- Stop saying that.Copy !req
617. Why are you now suddenly bad?Copy !req
618. Because I'm in love with Maeve, all right?
There, I admit it. Are you happy?Copy !req
619. Well, not really.
I think I prefer Cupcake Otis.Copy !req
620. I need to stop Jackson.Copy !req
621. Uh, then he'll know
that you're in love with Maeve.Copy !req
622. Then I need to warn Maeve
about what he's gonna do.Copy !req
623. Then she'll know that you took money
from Jackson and gave him bad adviceCopy !req
624. - because you're in love with her.
- All my options are dog shit.Copy !req
625. Yep.Copy !req
626. I'm going home.Copy !req
627. Okay.Copy !req
628. Well, have a nice night, bad man.Copy !req
629. Thank you for all your work.Copy !req
630. And for the soup.Copy !req
631. It was very good.Copy !req
632. I, uh... washed it.Copy !req
633. I told you, it's the best soup.Copy !req
634. Oh. It's okay.
- Clumsy man.Copy !req
635. I...Copy !req
636. Thank you.Copy !req
637. You are a strange woman.Copy !req
638. Goodbye, then.Copy !req
639. Just put those in there.Copy !req
640. Thank you. Goodbye, Jean.Copy !req
641. Bye, Mr. Builder.Copy !req
642. - Hello.
- Uh...Copy !req
643. Finish your research?Copy !req
644. My... Yes.Copy !req
645. Oh, my God. Yes, I did.Copy !req
646. It was actual research, by the way.Copy !req
647. It's— It's hard to explain.Copy !req
648. But, um, I needed
to know about scissoring.Copy !req
649. Okay. I'm Ola.Copy !req
650. I'm Otis.Copy !req
651. I got something for you.
To help with your research.Copy !req
652. My dad installed it.Copy !req
653. You know we're already recording it.Copy !req
654. Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
655. - Hey.
- See ya.Copy !req
656. See ya.Copy !req
657. Dad, I think I know who—Copy !req
658. Go get hot water and bleach.
I don't want your mother seeing this.Copy !req
659. - Who are you pervin' on?
Aah!Copy !req
660. No one.Copy !req
661. Well, um...Copy !req
662. Ruthie, but I'm not perving,
I'm just watching.Copy !req
663. Never mind.Copy !req
664. Shame the scissoring thing didn't work.Copy !req
665. I'm so skint right now.Copy !req
666. Uh...Copy !req
667. - What's that?
- It's your cut. I treated someone.Copy !req
668. You're a fucking gem, Otis.Copy !req
669. Tromboner.Copy !req
670. Hey, Adam.Copy !req
671. Did you find Madam?Copy !req
672. Can you smell...Copy !req
673. dog shit?Copy !req
674. Wiley, can I speak to you for a second?Copy !req
675. No chemically induced hard-on today?Copy !req
676. You're so funny,
you make my dick hurt. Listen...Copy !req
677. Uh, that essay thing Sands
was banging on about. Write it for me.Copy !req
678. - I can pay.
- The hand-in's tomorrow. Sorry.Copy !req
679. Shit, I really need this.Copy !req
680. Come on, I can pay double.Copy !req
681. Triple.Copy !req
682. Okay.Copy !req
683. Great.Copy !req
684. What did you buy
from the supermarket today?Copy !req
685. Only you could make French unsexy.Copy !req
686. You do not want to kiss
your girlfriend anymore.Copy !req
687. Hm?Copy !req
688. You like someone else.Copy !req
689. Look, Tanya is my best friend.Copy !req
690. She was really supportive of me
when I came out and everything.Copy !req
691. - So when she came out too, I thought...
- You might as well be in a relationship.Copy !req
692. We're so close, I thought it would be
the perfect relationship,Copy !req
693. but when we have sex...Copy !req
694. it just feels wrong.Copy !req
695. And when I'm doing it with Jessa...Copy !req
696. everything just works.Copy !req
697. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
698. You have to tell Tanya the truth.Copy !req
699. It would kill her.Copy !req
700. You can't choose who you're attracted to.Copy !req
701. You can't...Copy !req
702. You can't engineer a relationship.Copy !req
703. You have to do what's right.Copy !req
704. I still think it's weird
a teenage boy is a sex therapist.Copy !req
705. C'est la vie.Copy !req
706. This is an urgent announcement
from your Head Boy.Copy !req
707. Will all sixth formers please head
to the canteen now?Copy !req
708. Has anyone seen Jackson?Copy !req
709. Uh... Maybe it's a fire drill?Copy !req
710. Come on, come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
711. - Maeve!
- Look. He's gonna make a speech.Copy !req
712. Yes, Moordale!
Sorry for the interruption,Copy !req
713. but, hey, it's just your education, right?Copy !req
714. There's somebody in this crowd
who is very special to me.Copy !req
715. And no, it's not you, Mr. Groff.Copy !req
716. This person is pretty damn incredible.Copy !req
717. She's one of a kind.Copy !req
718. But I was an idiot
because I wanted to hide how I felt.Copy !req
719. Well, I'm not gonna
keep it secret anymore.Copy !req
720. Maeve Wiley...Copy !req
721. this is for you.Copy !req
722. I think he's gonna...Copy !req
723. - ... sing.Copy !req
724. No. No! No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
725. I'm in Swing Band.
Why didn't they ask me to play?Copy !req
726. Will you please be my girlfriend?Copy !req
727. You dickhead.Copy !req
728. Well, that was unexpected.Copy !req